Today felt important

Hauled my ass to church this morning. The sermon was about "courage." In this context, it means we're supposed to "flex" our "courage muscles" in terms of social justice. Certainly I'm for that -- I mean, who isn't? But that isn't the message that fed my soul. I interpreted it to mean I need to flex my courage muscles in more personal and exigent matters. As my life enters this new chapter, I have to be more brave about trying new things, more open about trusting people and asking for help.

Every week, our minister says that the church is "made joyful by our laughter and holy by our tears." There is a power to being in that space. I admit my mind was wandering all over the place while the service was going on, but that doesn't mean my spirit wasn't fed by my time there. I know what I want my online portfolio to say. I feel energized about writing it. I feel that was God's hand, nudging me along.

Then I had a gettogether with my aunt, her husband and my kid sister and her husband. It was the first time we'd all been together in two years. My aunt loves me, and has been working on maintaining a relationship with me, and I treasure that. Her husband is a good man, too. At one point, over clam chowder and one too many rum-and-cokes, I blurted what was going on at work, and how scared I am.

The results made me happy. I got a lot of support. Encouragement. Affection. I had been feeling very alone and isolated and obsessed. Much of that is alleviated.

I don't have to be strong all the time. I do have resources, even if they aren't financial. I will get through this. And I'll do it with my smarts and my spirit.

I have to protect and nurture this feeling that started at church today.

Sunday Stealing

CREEPY CRAWLIES

1. You are walking down the road and you look down. There is a bug. Do you step on it? No. One of my dearest childhood memories is "Charlotte's Web," read aloud by my mother. Since every bug could be someone's mother or best friend, whenever possible I let them live in peace.

 
2. What is one fantasy that you want to come true more than any other? That the lottery ticket I buy is the big winner.

3. Someone knocks on your door. Do you look out the window to see who it is before you open it? Do you open it regardless of who it is? I always look. I usually open. I'm never happy about it.

4. Have you ever eaten Play Doh? Yes. I recall it was salty.

 
5. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon as a child and why? Rocket J. Squirrel and his pal, Bullwinkle Moose. They made me laugh. They still do. Whenever I happen upon them, I stop to watch.

6. Are you a “people watcher?” Yes.

7. I have a bowl of fruit. There are apples, oranges & pears. You help yourself to one - which one do you choose? Apple.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve in the blogging world? People who come by just to complain about what I've posted. I recall when I first did Thursday 13 there was a woman named Gattina -- I think she was from Germany -- who would do it every damn week. I did one about original casting choices of classic films. You know, Shirley Temple for Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, or Ronald Reagan as Rick in Casablanca. She said, "Who cares about this?" I do, you wretched nitwit. And you could depend on her to come back the next week and say similar shit. It still happens now and again, but less and less. I think most of the icky trolls have moved to Facebook. That's why I don't mind that the blogging world has gotten smaller. There are fewer of us, but our manners are better.
 
9. What is one religion that you could just never see yourself joining? Scientology. No offense to any one. I don't like slagging someone else's faith. Scientology just isn't for me.

10. What word do you use far too often? "Fuck." But it's just so ... versatile. I recall reading an angry sailor's description of a broken jeep: "The fucking fucker's fucked."

11. How long do you spend in the shower? Too long. It's my major daydreaming spot.

12. If you were to write a personal ad about yourself, what would it say? SWF wishes you would just move along.

13. Your favorite flavor of soup is….? Beef barley.

14. You are sitting on a bench in the park and a bug walks in front of your feet…. do you squash him?  (I am assuming this is a different bug from question #1) No.