Friday, November 26, 2010
1. Have you ever been to a fortune teller? If yes, what happened? I spoke to fortune tellers and psychics rather compulsively during a rocky, isolated time in a relationship that was very important to me. I was desperate to know what the future held for us. I thought most were charlatans but one gave me a genuinely valuable insight: apropos to nothing I had told her about myself, she told me that I needed to really feel the love I received animals. Not only did I have cats of my own, at that time I was spending a lot of time doing volunteer work at an animal shelter. So it was appropriate and helpful.
2. How do you cope in an uncomfortable social situation? Try to make the best of it until I can high tail it out of there!
3. A genie appears (of course). She asks, “If you had 3 wishes but each took 3 years off your life, what would you wish for and why?” Sorry, but I'm not interested in such a deal. Sounds more like a devil than a genie to me.
4. Would you rather lose your soul mate or never meet them at all? Oh, wow! This one is tough! I suppose I'd rather lose him.
5. What is the hardest thing that you have ever had to do? I ended the relationship mentioned in Question #1. He was a good man, and I loved him, but we weren't happy.
6. Have you ever had a miracle happen to you or your loved ones? I almost got creamed by a cab. No way I would have survived that. I think of it every time I cross the street at that spot.
7. Tell us about a quote that you can relate to. Why can you relate to it? "East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does." Groucho Marx. I love the way it confuses people when I invoke it.
8. What personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble? Being a smartass who enjoys quoting Groucho Marx.
9. For those in The States, how was your Turkey Day? If not from the US, do you celebrate a day like Thanksgiving? I had an unconventional but pleasant family get together.
I lumped these two together because both answers point to Faith.
I am still alive today because God wants to be. As my friend John reminded me last weekend, we "tore up" and "did some damage" in quite a few Chicagoland bars and restaurants in our party days. I drank a great deal and did coke and poppers. My judgment was obviously clouded and bad things could have happened to me. John was beaten and mugged once in those days, and he's a foot taller than I am. Yet I'm here, healthy and not addicted to any of the substances I played around with.
My heart has been desperately broken on more than one occasion. There are times I have hurt so badly that I would do anything to make it stop. And yet, I have never seriously considered taking my own life. I have discussed this at length with my oldest friend, who explains her unhealthy attraction to all things related to Michael Jackson's passing because at the time of his demise, she was praying for her own death. She was having health problems, romantic problems, problems with her children, and truly believed it would get no better and death would be a relief.
As much as I hurt, and as alone as I may appear to the outside world, I know I am never truly alone because I have the Lord. He gave me this life and He will decide when it's over. And I also trust completely that tomorrow has the potential to be better than today because He gave me free will and the ability to see the bright side, the humor, and the small miracles in even the ugliest day.
One day, when I was as miserable as I felt I could be, when the entire world felt gray and rainy and deeply and profoundly wrong, I was running across the street to go to Walgreen's, and out of the blue, one of my favorite songs came on the radio and through my headphones. It made me smile for the first time in days. I will always believe that was God reminding me there is always something in life, no matter how small, to make us happy, to "get our hearts ringing in the key that our souls are singing."
Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?
Take the quiz.
Excerpted from Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?, by Pamela Keogh, to be published in October by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc.; © 2010 by the author.
1. DURING TIMES OF STRESS, YOU ...
a) go for a walk on the beach.
c) pour gin in your tea.
2. FOR YOU, SEX IS ...
a) uncomplicated and fun!
b) a way of saying, “Thank you.”
c) a means to an end.
3. BEFORE YOU MEET A MAN FOR DINNER, YOU ...
a) shave your legs.
b) run a Dun & Bradstreet on the guy.
c) break out your tippy-tallest Manolos and hope for the best.
4. YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING ...
a) with your day completely planned.
b) and do whatever you feel like.
c) turn to the person next to you, and say, “Hello, dear.”
5. YOUR CHILDHOOD IS SOMETHING ...
a) not discussed.
b) to be celebrated.
c) you've been running from your whole life.
6. YOUR FATHER ...
a) loved you and gave you confidence.
b) was Clark Gable.
c) taught you to throw a football.
7. YOUR MOTHER ...
a) scares the hell out of you.
b) left you all of her Balenciaga and Schlumberger.
c) secretly loves your little sister (you know, the “pretty one”) more.
8. AFTER YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE ...
a) offers you the lead in his movie.
b) asks you to marry him.
c) has a Cartier bibelot on the breakfast tray.
9. IN YOUR OPINION, MONEY IS ...
b) no, we mean it—everything.
c) not that important—as long as you have a roof over your head and Veuve Clicquot in the fridge, you're cool.
10. MEETING YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU ...
a) convert to Judaism.
b) brush up on your French.
c) eschew underwear.
11. FORMER BEAUX KEEP UP WITH YOU ...
a) on Facebook.
b) on the front page of The New York Times.
c) they don't. They're still devastated by the breakup. They'll never get over it. Never.
12. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ...
a) your roommate from prep school.
b) your hairdresser, makeup artist, stand-in, publicist, housekeeper, majordomo, Peggy Siegal—or some varying combination.
c) just you, baby. Just you.
13. WHO SAID, “ALL MEN ARE RATS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED?”
a) Jackie’s father, John “Black Jack” Bouvier
b) Gloria Steinem
c) Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot
14. WHO SAID, “JUST GIVE ME CHAMPAGNE AND GOOD FOOD AND I’M IN HEAVEN AND LOVE”?
a) Oprah Winfrey
b) Ina Garten
c) Marilyn Monroe
15. OF THESE MODERN-DAY CELEBRITIES, WHO IS THE LEAST MARILYN-ESQUE?
b) Scarlett Johansson
c) Lindsay Lohan
To Determine Scoring:
Tally up your responses, giving yourself one “Jackie” point for each question you answered about her correctly and one “Marilyn” point for each correct Marilyn answer. Whichever score is highest corresponds to your predominant archetype. In case of a tie, you are either kidding yourself or are Uma Thurman.
1) a) Jackie
2) a) Marilyn
3) a) Marilyn
4) a) Jackie
5) a) Marilyn
6) a) Jackie
7) a) either
8) a) Marilyn
9) a) Jackie
10) a) Marilyn
c) Marilyn (of course)
11) a) neither
12) a) Jackie
13) a) Black Jack Bouvier
14) c) Marilyn Monroe
15) a) Madonna while she may have looked like MM in her youth, her MO is pure JKO.
Just watched Oprah Winfrey's "Remembering John" tribute on what would have been his 50th birthday (yesterday). That feels so wrong. Both that The Hunk would be 50, and that he's gone.
He was literally a paparazzi target before he was born. Jackie was pregnant during the 1960 Presidential campaign, and he was born weeks after the election. He was two months old when he moved into the White House. So he literally grew up, and died, under the camera's (and our) gaze.
He was pedigreed, wealthy and gorgeous. He worked when he didn't have to. He wasn't known as a randy Lothario. He must have felt tremendous pressure to live up to his parents' legacy, which he bore with grace and did them proud.
Then he was gone. Tragically and unnecessarily. If you're interested in reading more about him, What Remains is very good.