A job I couldn't do

I couldn't moderate focus groups. I'm both too opinionated and too curious. OK, and I have too big a mouth.

I was watching a Road to the White House voter focus group on CSpan. Usually I find these things fascinating. Does everyone have the same priorities as I do? What's on other citizens' minds? But then I realized that in '04, I watched later in the process, when the party front runners were universally agreed upon, and the participants identified themselves members of one party or the other. This focus group consisted of Republicans, Democrats and Undecideds.

Two women -- one in her 30s and one in her 50s -- seemed to be from a different planet. If I were the moderator, I would either have stopped speaking to them, or challenged them with follow up questions. And that would mean I'd be doing a really bad job.

These two women kept talking about "morality." How the new candidates for President should reflect George W. Bush's "morality." He says what he means and means what he says. They admire his "moral" leadership. It's Bill Clinton who damaged this country and how it's viewed internationally, because of his sex life.

WHAT? HUH?

How do you judge morality? Are John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Fred Thompson all MORE moral than Bill Clinton because they left their marriages and he stayed in his? Is it worse to lie about oral sex or weapons of mass destruction? Is it worse to lie about oral sex or Saddam Hussein's role in 9/11? How do you "measure" that?

How come there are no photos of an underaged Chelsea Clinton sprawled atop of one of her college classmates, cig in one hand, beer in the other, the way you can find shots of Jenna Bush? Why are there no photos of Chelsea laying on top of her date and putting the ball in "Inaugural Ball?" Does this mean the Clintons are "more moral" as parents? Should these issues even matter when we vote?

And if the rest of the planet is so appalled or disgusted by Bill Clinton's personal life, how did he become the most popular politician in the world?

How do these women get to the conclusions they have reached? Why are they so sure they know exactly what the Good Lord smiles on and and what He doesn't?

I would love to know how these two voters came to be this way. Perhaps if they could articulate it, I'd move closer to being purple, rather than true blue.

But a moderator can't do that. He's supposed to simply elicit opinions. And that's a bigger job than this gal.

Dumb can be fun

I know I should be watching the news to catch up on the terrorist/JFK plot. Or whether or not our state will ever have an approved budget. Or if Carlos Zambrano has hit anyone else lately.

But I'm watching the original Ocean's 11.

It's hypnotically kitschy/campy/cool. Frank and the boys (including Mr. Roper himself, Normal Fell) are taking down glitzy old-time casinos like the Sands and the Desert Inn and the Sahara. With Brylcreamed hair, skinny ties, the ice in their glasses tinkling and cigarettes dangling from their lips, they spout "ring-a-ling dialog" and slip their room keys into the cleavage of willing, nameless women.

Interestingly, some of the best lines belong to the ladies. Watch for Shirley MacLaine and Dean Martin flirting in the parking lot when she says, "I'm so drunk, I don't think I lie down without holding on." Or Angie Dickinson telling soon-to-ex-husband Frank, "I'll consider mistress, plaything, toy for a night, but I refuse to be your mother. That's out!"

I saw the Clooney Ocean's 11 and will probably see Ocean's 13. Those movies are like a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition for women. And I'll wonder if, in 45 years, those movies will seem as kitschy/campy/cool to another generation.