Sunday Stealing

15 QUESTIONS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D ASK

1. If you could spend a day in someone else’s shoes who would it be and why? Jennifer Aniston. Because sometimes -- like when I'm standing in the mud on a rainy day, waiting for the bus -- I think, "This wouldn't happen to Jennifer Aniston." So I wonder what things do happen to my favorite Friend that vex her.

2. Which celebrity gets on your nerves the most, and why? Judge Jeanine. Her personal life is worthy of a Kardashian. Quick story: her husband cheated on her and got another woman pregnant. To avoid paying child support, he dismissed the woman as "mentally unstable." DNA proved the kid was his. He ended up paying his former mistress a ton of back child support and giving her a car, presumably to ensure her silence as Judge Jeanine's career took off. And that's just one example. Therefore, I resent it when Judge Jeanine feels qualified to lecture me on the immorality of my liberal politics.

3. If you were going to bury a time capsule, what would you put in it? For 2020: a mask, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and toilet paper.

4. What is your saddest memory? I've been heartbroken a time or two. I don't wish to rank them.

5. Would you rather be in your pajamas or a suit all day? My jammies.

6. What’s the strangest place you’ve ever gone potty? In the bushes. I hated it.

7. How old were you went you had your first kiss? Junior high.

8. Do you have any strange or unique phobias? I'm afraid of squirrels. When I was about 5, my dad told me a vivid, scary story about how a little boy (just my age) was bit by the squirrel he was feeding (just as my dad had caught me doing). The squirrel was rabid and sunk his sharp teeth into the boy, and wouldn't let go. The police came and shot the squirrel, who wouldn't even open its jaws in death. The poor boy was raced to the hospital in an ambulance, with the bloody squirrel carcass hanging from his arm. Naturally, none of that happened, but the story scared me ever since.


9. If you could bring back one toy from your childhood, what would it be? I think it would be fun to play Barbies again.

 
10. If you could be any Disney villain, which would you be? This is hard. But Maleficient was powerful and had a cool headpiece, so I'll go with her.

 
11. If your life was a novel, what would the title be. The Thing of It Is, because I say it a lot.

 
12. What do you need more of in your life? Empathy.

13. What are your top 3 quotes? 
•  Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim. (Nora Ephron)
•  Things do not happen. Things are made to happen. (John F. Kennedy)
•  We are the clay and You are our potter. All of us are what You made us. (The Book of Isaiah)

14. What do you want people to remember about you? That I was there when they needed me.

15. What’s the biggest mistake you’ve made? I stayed too long in a bad relationship.

Cherries in the Snow

New pedi today! I tried a different color: Revlon #270, Cherries in the Snow. It's deeper and more vibrant than the pink I've previously worn. Reynaldo did not accompany me to the salon, preferring to wear his nails natural this summer.

It's nice to return cautiously to normal. I had to phone the salon from outside when I arrived, because they want to ensure they never have more people inside than can safely social distance. There were no magazines in the waiting area, and the days of being offered water or a soft drink while I wait are over for now. The receptionist took my temperature before I went back to the nail station. Both Jenna, my favorite tech, and I wore masks throughout the entire procedure.

I get such a kick out of Jenna. She and I are very different -- I'm an old white spinster and she's a young black mom. But we have much in common. She wears a Lucy "Vitameatavegimin" pin on her smock. She's a sports fan.* She loves reading about the Royals, too. I was happy to see her and enjoyed the time I spent in her chair.

After my pedi, I had my telesession with my therapist. I confessed to her that I'm scared about my health. I'm tired all the time, and I'm experiencing intermediate soreness near (but not in) my left armpit. Being me, I researched my symptoms online and have convinced myself that I have breast cancer, or lymphoma, or lupus.

I have a mammogram scheduled for late July. It was the first appointment I could get at my preferred location. I like going to that mammography center because they have, literally, decades of my films to inform their analysis. But they're in the area hospital that has the most ventilators, so because of Covid19 they suspended mammograms until just recently. And so I wait, certain that I'll soon be told I'll die alone. Because that's how my mind spins when I'm scared.

My therapist reminded me that the fatigue has been a problem for a long, long time and that I have a sleep study scheduled (ironically for the night before the mammogram). It's more likely that the tiredness is a result of sleep apnea, nothing more serious.

And if my soreness is a result of swollen lymph nodes, it could be caused by my body trying to fight off an infection. After all, I don't have a lump.

She also reminded me that my doctor gave me a script for bloodwork, I'm getting the mammogram, I'm doing the sleep study. I'm taking care of myself. I'm being smart. I should just calm down.

I'll try, Doc, I'll try.

*But not a Michael Jordan fan. We talked a lot about ESPN's The Last Dance.