Saturday, June 28, 2008

Me and "Her"

I often forget "Her," the me I once was, until something dopey happens that brings her roaring back.

The Cubs lost their second of three games to … sorry, I cannot even say it. I wasn't so much sad -- as a lifelong Cub fan, I've learned to take loss in stride. I was just unbelieving. This wasn't the way I wanted or expected it to go.

I have, by choice, no plans for tonight. Between the Crosstown Classic and Stevie Wonder at the Taste of Chicago, there are parties I could dive into. I just don't feel like it. I was out a lot last week, will be out a lot next week, am trying to be more sensible with money, and besides, I like my alone time.

So after the game, I began channel surfing. Looking for Law & Order. Original or SVU, I didn't care. Amazingly, perhaps for the first time in the history of cable, I could not find L&O! Instead. I landed on What's Love Got to Do with It, the Tina Turner biopic.

This may sound weird, but I actually forgot that I once suffered years of abuse at the hands of a lover. It was many years and lots of therapy sessions ago. Besides, unless confronted with it, I try to leave those memories tucked away. They seem irrelevant to the Me I am now. Those awful things happened to Her.

So it wasn't masochism that had me curl up on the couch with a Stouffer tuna casserole and Ike and Tina Turner. It was denial. Then the on-screen beatings started, and I couldn't ignore what had happened to Her anymore. So I grabbed the remote and clicked away.

I feel bad for Her. I am sorry that She didn't have the maturity to see what was happening, how she was being manipulated, while it was going on. I am proud that She finally screwed up the courage to get out. Most of all, I honor and respect her suffering by having learned from it. I've examined that whole relationship, acknowledge that I allowed it to happen, and am confident I will never, never be in Her position ever again.

Life goes on. And I like the life I've built since then. So now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get my laundry out of the dryer and see if I can't find some more books to donate for a community fundraiser. Somehow I'll enjoy doing these day-to-day things more than if I hadn't seen part of What's Love Got to Do with It.