Wednesday, July 01, 2009


I generally don't repeat posts. But #83 just cries out to be rerun! Here's to a remarkable pitchman. As one who works in advertising, whose job is to make people buy stuff, I must laud his prowess.

Thirteen Products
Sold by Billy Mays

He begins all of his many, many TV commercials by announcing/shouting, “Billy Mays here!” My immediate response has always been, “So what?” But since I unintentionally spend more time with this leather-lunged pitchman than I do with members of my family, I decided to do a little research on him. (Thank you, Wikipedia.)

His full name is William D. Mays. He was born in 1958 in McKees Rocks, PA. His birth sign is Cancer. He lives with his wife, Candace, in Odessa Florida. Their home is rumored to be worth $1.8 million.

Billy began his career a salesperson in Atlantic City, selling the “Washmatik” to passersby on the Boardwalk. His big break came when he met Max Appel, the founder of Orange Glo, in the 1993. Max hired Billy to sell their cleaning products on The Home Shopping Network. Today he is the CEO and major star of Mays Productions, Inc.

Here are 13 of the products he has promoted on TV:

1) Awesome Auger
2) The Bedazzler
3) Bloomin’ Onion Maker
4) Fixit Car Scratch Remover
5) Foodsaver
6) Hercules Wall Hook
7) Kaboom!
8) Lint-B-Gone
9) Oxi Clean
10) Never Scrub
11) Swiffer Sweeper Cleaner
12) Zorbeez
13) Mighty Putty (the only one I’ve ever purchased)

To participate yourself, or to look up
more TT participants,
visit the new hub (

A fabulous time-waster meme

Honest, Kwizgiver, I didn't steal this meme! I visited your blog, the gate was open, and it followed me home!

Spell your name with songs

"Got to be There" - Michael Jackson
"A" by Barenaked Ladies
"Live or Let Die" - Paul McCartney & Wings


Name: The Gal Herself
Birthday: November 22
Nickname: None currently, though my friend Chad coins new ones whenever he talks to me (most recent: Chiquita)
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Reddish brown (or is it reddish blonde?)
Zodiac Sign: Sag


The shoes you wore today: My uber comfortable Roxies
Your weaknesses: Purses and books
Your fear(s): Air travel, squirrels, clowns
Your perfect pizza: Thin crust, with sausage
Goal you’d like to achieve: Declutter my life (same as Kwizgiver's)


Your best physical feature
: My dimples
Your bedtime: Whenever
Most missed memory: My grandpa

This Or That

Pepsi or Coke: Classic Coke (we accept no substitute)
McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald’s
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I hate, loathe, despise and abominate ice tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: are the only drinks I hate, loathe, despise and abominate more than ice

Do You…

Smoke? No
Curse? Fuck yes!
Sing? Only when I'm alone
Dance? Badly
Take a shower everyday? Unless I need to shave my legs -- I do that in the bath
Have a crush? Have you seen Johnny Depp in Dillinger garb? Yum!
Think you’ve been in love? Yes
Want to go to college? Not now
Like(d) high school? No. It's in a league with coffee.
Want to get married? Not especially
Get motion sickness? No
Think you’re attractive? Not really
Think you’re a health freak? No
Get along with your parents? Yes

In the past month, have you…

Gone to the mall? Yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos? No
Eaten sushi? No
Been on stage? No
Gone skating? No
Made homemade cookies? No
Gone skinny-dipping? No
Stolen anything? No
(I'm extremely dull, aren't I?)


Played a game that required removal of clothing?
Flashed anyone? No
Been beaten up? Yes
Shoplifted? No


Age you hope to be married: Dunno
Number of children: At my age, even one would put me in The National Inquirer
Describe your dream wedding: Private. In fact, I may not even show up.
Which country would you most like to visit? England

In the opposite sex…

Best eye color:
Best hair color: Brown
Short hair or long hair: Doesn't matter as long as it's shiny and looks like it would smell good
Height: Taller than me -- which almost every man is


Number of people I could trust with my life:
Number of CDs that I own: Maybe 100. I truly don't know.
Number of tattoos: None
Number of piercings: Two, one in each ear


Whom were you with yesterday?
My dermatologist
What woke you up this morning? My alarm
Where are you? My desk (Is it quitting time yet?)
Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Yes! We get out early for the holiday!
Do you like anybody? Yes


Ever thrown up in public? Yes
Passed out because of alcohol? Yes
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW? The 4th of July holiday weekend


What kind of home would you like?
I like my home -- only neater and repainted
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Taller and thinner!
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Happier


Do you like candy necklaces? No
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? Someone keeps moving my doorways and making them narrower, so I always bump into them.
Do you listen to music every day? Yes
Do you still go trick or treating? No
What was the last thing you ate? Pizza for lunch (FREE pizza for lunch from the conference room upstairs)
Are you a fast typer? Yes
What’s your favorite type of soda? Classic Coke
Have you ever moved? Yes
Have you ever won an award? I won a Clio. I am very, very proud of that.
Are you listening to music right now? Yes. Stevie Wonder.
How long ’till your birthday? 4 1/2 months
When were you the saddest in your whole life? 11/2/04. First I found out my beloved cat Billy was terminally ill, and then Senator Kerry's Presidential campaign didn't quite work out as we planned. (I was a campaign worker)
What time is it? 4:30-ish PM
Do you use eBay to buy or sell? Yes, both
Who makes you mad? Bullies
Have you ever heard a song written about you? No
Something you want to happen in 2009? Lose weight
Summer 2009? Watch as many Cubs victories as possible
Do you miss 2008? Not especially


Honestly, what color is your underwear?
White cotton.
Honestly, what’s on your mind? The 4th of July holiday weekend
Honestly, what are you doing right now? Killing time before I can go home
Honestly, have you done something bad today? Skipped my workout at lunchtime
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? One of my account executives
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? Stupidity and selfishness (Leftover from Kwizgiver's original meme, but it's still good)
Honestly, do you bite your nails? When I'm bored
Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? No
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? Yes
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now? My own or someone else's?
Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? Yes
Honestly, are you in denial? Probably. Though if I knew I was in denial, would I really be in denial?
Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? Yes
Honestly, does anyone like you? Yes


What do you do when you’re mad? Speak progressively faster and louder
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said something mean I'm not even sure I meant. I'm still ashamed of myself.
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes
Do you swear when you’re mad? Fuck, yes!


When was the last time you actually cried? The end of the movie, Marley & Me. ("Goodbye, Clearance Puppy.")
Ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes
Do certain songs make you cry? "Save the Best for Last" by Vanessa Williams. It reminds me of how I felt during a relationship that I really had high hopes for.
What usually makes you cry? Movies like Marley & Me.


Are you usually a happy person? Yes
What makes you the happiest? People I love (including fur people)
Do you believe in yourself? Depends on what I'm doing
When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? Yes

If you choose to tackle this Monster Meme,
let me know so we can compare answers.

My bud's back

My best friend has been strangely quiet lately, way "too busy" to talk or even exchange emails. This worried me, because he's usually one of the most communicative men I know. He'll talk about health, his family, his career, his childhood, his anxieties, his happy moments ... Only one thing is off limits: his marriage. I think that's completely appropriate. Never having been married myself I'm uncomfortable hearing about it, plus his wife deserves that confidentiality. The thing of it is, though, they have been having problems over the last two years or so. As a child of divorce himself, and with his family struggling with matrimony in general a lot lately (his father just split with Wife 2, his sister-in-law separated from her hubby), this weighs particularly heavily on him. So I've been worried about him.

Selfishly, I missed him.

Last night after 9:00 or so, he reemerged and reconnected via email. Naturally he wanted to say he was glad that my mole and I won't have to part company for at least another month. (See below) And then he wanted to talk about her. Farrah. The dream girl of his junior high school days. It made him sad that she suffered so at the end.

I'm glad to have him back. Even more, I'm glad he was comfortable discussing this with me. I guess he knows that, as a lifelong Paul Girl, I would understand.