Friday, March 21, 2008

I would be offended …

… except it's probably true.

You've Changed 32% in 10 Years

Ah, the past! You may not remember it well - because you're still living in it.

While you've changed some, you may want to update your wardrobe, music collection and circle of friends.

He was the worst thing to ever happen to me

I wasted my 20s on a man who was completely unworthy of me. He was physically abusive and emotionally cruel. A narcissist who exquisitely exploited my weaknesses to gain strength. I was young enough and neurotic enough to confuse all the sturm und drang with love. After that relationship ended, it literally took me years to rebuild my life.

He was an asshole. And everything he did to me, I allowed him to do. No one will ever again cripple me the way he did. I won't allow it.

Because this relationship had such a huge impact on my life, what happened Thursday night has had a huge impact, as well.

He emailed my friend John, trying to re-establish contact after all these years. He told John how having two daughters has changed his life. How it led him to God. How since leaving Chicago he has learned to hunt and fish. That he carries a concealed Smith and Wesson handgun.

He asked John to intercede on his behalf, to get him my permission to contact me. He says he has Googled me but doesn't even know how to start talking to me. He does, however, want to "beg on bended knee" for my forgiveness. He hopes that when I think of him, I think of the "crazy good times."

I asked John to tell him that I never want to hear from him again.

I don't forgive him. Some things really are too damaging to forgive. I hope God forgives him, but that's between him and the Lord. I'm not involved.

If he could find John's email address, he can find mine. I have to brace myself for that. But I can end it by blocking him my emailbox. I must remember that he needs my permission to torment me again, and I'm not granting it.