What NOT To Do when you’re…..
1. On a first date. Sleep with him.
2. Intoxicated. Call your ex and tell him you forgive him because he's the one great love of your life. Trust me on this.
3. In the shower. Dance
4. At your ex’s wedding. Attend
5. In jail. Amuse the authorities with your snappy answers to stupid questions.
6. Being stalked. Be embarrassed and keep it to yourself. Share with everyone you know! The more people you have watching out for you, the better.
7. Stuck to an igloo. Lick the wall.
8. In sewing class Lick the bobbin.
9. Asleep in a helium balloon Trust the Wizard to steer.
10. At a birthday party for twins Show up with one gift
11. On a nude beach Show up without sunscreen
12. At the opera Show up at all. ICK!
13. you’re falling in love Think that he'd be perfect "if only." No one is perfect, and it's not fair to expect anyone to change.
14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town Forget your cell phone
15. Having a baby Smoke
16. On fire Forget the lyrics to the old Scout song, "Clothes on fire? Here's your goal. First stop, then drop and roll."
17. Lost at the mall Neglect to consider it an adventure
18. At a single’s dance Act married. (Unless you are married, you Jesse James/Tiger Woods scumbag, you!)
19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike Forget the lyrics to the Scout song, "When riding a bike, please be smart. Safety first right from the start. Wear a helmet on your head. Make sure it fits, that's what I said."
20. Driving your significant other's car Forget to put the seat, mirrors and radio back the way he likes them.16. On fire Forget the lyrics to the old Scout song, "Clothes on fire? Here's your goal. First stop, then drop and roll."
17. Lost at the mall Neglect to consider it an adventure
18. At a single’s dance Act married. (Unless you are married, you Jesse James/Tiger Woods scumbag, you!)
19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike Forget the lyrics to the Scout song, "When riding a bike, please be smart. Safety first right from the start. Wear a helmet on your head. Make sure it fits, that's what I said."
21. Being robbed at gunpoint Amuse the robbers with your snappy answers to stupid questions.
22. Kissing Slobber. If I wanted to kiss a St. Bernard, I would.
23. Paying the hotel cashier Sign for it without at least trying to talk them out of the pay-per-view movie.
24. Buying lingerie Wear it without washing it thoroughly first. Really. I know it's gross, but it's not uncommon for department stores to put unclean, returned lingerie right back on the sales floor.
24. Commenting on a blog Say silly things you think are provocative. Like, "who cares about this?" Um ... I do, or I wouldn't post about it, you idiot.
25. In Queen Mimi's dungeon Forget to bribe Homer. He's the Power Behind the Throne, you know
25. In Queen Mimi's dungeon Forget to bribe Homer. He's the Power Behind the Throne, you know
I put slobber for the kissing answer too.
ReplyDeleteYour lingerie answer has given me the heebie-jeebies. Oy. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteACK! Your answer to #2 sounds like an interesting story. I think I will definitely take your advice!
ReplyDelete#24...gaaaaaack. Good answers
ReplyDelete#1 - I so agree!
ReplyDelete#2 - You didn't...
#6 - Actually great advice. Trust me on this one.
#12 - Really? Say it aint' so.
#24 - Noooooo!!
#25 - Don't tell Homer!! He's reading you know.
(yes, I goofed. There are 2 #24s)
Loved your answers.
Very clever