Sorry, but I can't watch it

I had a plan for this President's Day morning -- settle in on the sofa with my laptop and get a headstart on a project for work tomorrow while watching the NCIS marathon on USA. This plan made me happy. For even though my oldest friend once told me she uses work like mine "to light the grill," I still find it satisfying. 95% of my audience treats advertising the way she does. But trying to figure out what will grab that 5% and get them to buy -- even after all these years, I still get off on it. And, even after all these years, I still get off on Mark Harmon. So, as I say, I had a happy plan.

But then USA had to run the NCIS episode featuring Abigail Breslin -- the Oscar-nominated child actress of Little Miss Sunshine and Kit fame -- as a blind girl who is kidnapped and terrorized. There's something about this kid that touches me deeply and it upsets me to see her in peril, even though I know Harmon/Gibbs will save the day. So there goes my plan! I have defected to the Biography channel and their President's Day special on JFK.

Breaking in my brand-new Avia cross trainers

I walked my 10,000 steps through town today and was sad to see two more stores are going or gone. One was an American Mattress location, which is sad for the people who work there, of course, but there will still be two other stores within a 5 mile radius. The other was an independently-owned design studio that specialized in feng shui. I'm afraid high-end decorating is not a high priority for most home owners in this economy. This is all so sad ...

Which makes me feel almost predatory for being so excited about my trip to Famous Footwear. The new cross trainers were on sale for $30, thank you very much. Also picked up these adorable Roxy plaid flats for 1/2 price. I haven't been shoe shopping in soooo long and I was gratified to find such great deals. While I'm confident that I'll be employed through summer, I still don't think it's wise for me to spend the way I used to. (It's possible it was never that wise, but that's another story for another time.) I understand that the retail sector has been hit very hard by the economic downturn, but I have to tend to my personal economic health and welfare, too. It's seductive to rationalize indulging in retail therapy as my patriotic duty, but that's a trap I'm trying to avoid.

Sunday Stealing #20

Sunday Stealing: The Q & A Meme

1. where is your significant other? In my imagination.

2. your favorite thing? The clear blue sky I see out my livingroom window.

3. your dream last night? Don't recall.

4. your goal? Getting organized.

5. your hobby? Reading or farting around online

6. where do you want to be in 6 years? Margaritaville

7. where were you last night? Right here

8. what you're not? Thin

9. one of your wish list items? Cash would be nice

10. your pet? Reynaldo is sitting on the window sill, looking at me. Hi, Rey!

11. missing someone? Yes

12. your car? Don't have one

13. something you're not wearing? socks

14. love someone? Yes

15. when is the last time you laughed? SNL last night

16. last time you cried? Don't remember
17. favorite past time? See #5

18. are you a hater or a lover? Depends on the circumstance

19. any vices? Sloth

20. favorite meme other than Sunday Stealing? I miss The Thursday Thirteen ...

Happy 80th Anniversary

On Valentine's Day, 1929, it was snowy and cold in Chicago. Al Capone said he was in Florida that week to escape the bad weather. The police believed he traveled south to establish an alibi for what became the biggest event of his criminal career, The St. Valentine's Day Massacre.


This is Highball, the only survivor of the Massacre. Highball belonged to John May, a mechanic who did jobs for the Moran Gang and quite literally lost his head that day. Police heard Highball howling from under one of the beer trucks. The killers knew he was there but they spared him. I find that fascinating. They fired seventy machine-gun bullets and two shotgun blasts into 7 men -- at close range. Yet they didn't touch this dog, leaving him tied up to plaintively howl and bring the police to the garage.

Triumph

"Life sucks and then you die." That's the phrase that goes through my mind this morning as I watch an episode of Biography about Princess Diana. Beautiful but insecure, adored by the public, hunted by the press, betrayed by her husband ... her life was cut short in the most tawdry way -- by a drunk driver. She never got to see her sons grow up. She never knew contentment. Her life was a tragedy.

As my heart goes out to this poor girl (and Diana will, eternally, be a poor girl), I remain in awe of "America's queen," Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Like Diana, she was both a loving mother and a betrayed wife … a paparazzi target and the subject of international scrutiny … a damaged daughter of divorce and a Daddy's girl who had a turbulent relationship with her mother. Unlike Diana, she was an eyewitness to one of history's most famous murders, she cradled her husband's bloody head in her lap, and had to honor him with a state funeral as the world watched. She also had 5 difficult pregnancies in 10 years, with only two of her children surviving to adulthood.

But Jackie was made of very stern stuff. She lived her life the way she wanted to, despite the disapproval of her formidable in-laws or (when she married Onassis) the entire world. Instead of alternately fleeing and wooing the press the way Diana did, Jackie took the paparazzi to court and got a restraining order. She worked before marrying JFK and went back to work after her children left home, finding fulfillment as a book editor. She always put her kids first and saw them grow up and embark on successful careers of their own. She lived to hold her grandchildren. She found, if not great passion, then love and companionship with a man who shunned the spotlight. This photo was taken of her near the end of her life, well after she had passed her 60th birthday. It makes me sad that there is no similar picture of Diana as a mature woman who could luxuriate in having made it through the bad times.

There was no scandal or gossip attached to Jackie's passing, of natural causes at the age of 64. She even died in her way own way. She checked herself out of the hospital and went home, to be (as son John later said) surrounded by her books and the things she loved. There were crowds outside her Park Avenue apartment, but her death was private and attended by family and friends.

No matter how you measure a life, Jackie's must be considered a triumph. Others remember her for class and beauty and style. Yes, she exemplified all that. But it's her personal integrity and her guts that inspire me. "To thine own self be true." That's a helluvalot more positive than, "Life sucks and then you die."

Ha! I believe I have thwarted him.

Behold my weapon -- the simple, interoffice envelope.

Regular readers are familiar with my ongoing battle with my cat, Reynaldo. For the last four years, he and I have been engaged in a battle of nerves. No, wait, that's not right. Rey has no nerves. Make that a battle of wills. For you see, like Stitch in Lilo and Stitch, Rey is programmed to destroy. Sometimes he gets so wild, so pumped on adrenaline, that he can't seem to stop his little furry self from knocking over all my manila folders, letting the contents spill onto the floor, and then digging around in them so there is no semblance of order anymore -- none whatsoever. Last time he did this, I was so overwhelmed by the mess he made that I nearly cried.

After giving it some thought -- and reminding myself that as a human, I am gifted with both superior intellect and opposing thumbs, so I should be able to win this battle of wills -- I have stumbled upon the solution. I replaced the manila folders with interoffice envelopes that have velcro on the flap! These well-worn envelopes were en route to being recycled anyway, so I have given them a new lease on life. And, should Rey knock them over, the contents can't come out and he can't dig around in the paper like a picnicer digging for clams at the seaside.

He watched me move the files last night. Very attentive. All purry and affectionate. Poor little guy. I bet he didn't realize he was watching me stage his Waterloo.

In praise of Border's

I live in the navy blue village of a deep blue state, and we tend to examine and protest everything. Especially big chain stores, which are perceived as the death knell for the small, independently-owned shops that add to our town's character. That's why I signed petition after petition to stop Border's from opening on the main drag in my town.

I was wrong. I am so glad Border's is there. It's my first choice when I'm buying books, DVDs or music. Why?

1) They have an enormous selection. Smaller bookstores just can't carry all the titles.

2) They're one-stop. I can buy gifts and cards in one place. Also, when I don't know what to buy someone, I buy them a Border's giftcard. Who doesn't like books, music, DVDs or magazines?

3) The help is always helpful. We have two independent booksellers on the same street as Border's. I admit that if I'm not in a hurry, I like to browse in one of them. It looks and smells like a nice wooden loft. Customers in there take their books seriously and so there's always a good conversation going on. They also have way-cool wooden postcards! Alas, they aren't open as early, nor as late, as Border's. But the other one (Barbara's Bookstore) is icky and I will never go in there again. The staff is too cool for school. They actually scoffed at a friend of mine who asked if In Cold Blood was in stock -- apparently they didn't feel it was worth carrying, ordering or even reading. (And here I thought it was a classic. Silly me!) At least he got someone to wait on him -- they're usually too busy chatting with one another to be bothered. Worst of all, they recently had Sam Giancana's daughter signing books on 11/22 -- the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, which she claims her father was involved in. That was tasteless. At Border's, the staff is always accessible and helpful, and I've never seen them mock a national tragedy.

4) Border's Rewards. I admit it: I'm a loyalty-points whore.

5) They give local charities a chance. For example, over the holidays, I was able to have my gifts wrapped right there in Border's by developmentally-challenged adults from Lamb's Farm. It was lovely to interact and support people I wouldn't see otherwise.

Rumor has it that Border's is suffering in this economy, so SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BORDER'S. This weekend I may just hit Border's again. I suggest you all do the same. I bet they're an asset to your community, and if they disappeared, you'd miss them.

Book Mama, this one was for you.

It won't be long now!

Pitchers and catchers report for training camp today!

Alas, this is the first spring in decades that I'm not checking on my beloved future Hall of Famer, Greg Maddux.

But poignancy is part of the beauty of baseball. So as I look back I will also look forward -- to April 6, when the 2009 campaign officially begins in Houston.

One President Honors Another

Barack Obama came home yesterday. Two years ago, he announced his candidacy in Springfield. Today, he returned to honor the only other President to serve in the Illinois Assembly -- Abraham Lincoln. It was very exciting for me as an American, as an Abe-o-phile, as an Obamaniac ... and as an Illinois citizen who hungers for something to wash away that bad Blago taste.

The President was clearly in a relaxed, happy mood: "The former state senator said the roomful of supporters reminded him of what Lincoln once said to a favor-seeker who claimed he helped the president get elected. 'Well,' said Lincoln, 'it's a pretty mess you've got me into. But I forgive you.' So whoever of you think you were responsible for this, we're taking names," Obama said."

On a more serious, more inspirational note, Obama invoked Lincoln's view of government, which couldn't be more relevant today: "He recognized that while each of us must do our part, work as hard as we can and be as responsible as we can—in the end, there are certain things we cannot do on our own," Obama said. "There are certain things we can only do together. There are certain things only a union can do."

The 44th President spent all day Thursday remembering the 16th. While Lincoln certainly earned all the honors, it occurs to me that invoking Abe could be dangerous for Obama. For it invites comparison -- and was anyone ever braver, kinder or more wise than Abraham Lincoln?

Thursday Thunks #1

This week's crazy questions are brought to you by Berleen, the color Cotton Candy Pink and the number 3,333,333,331.

1. You are driving down the road and there is a puddle in the road. A big puddle. Not one that will really wreck your car or anything, but a big puddle. There is no other cars in front of you or behind you - do you drive through the puddle or drive around it? Through it so I can enjoy the splash.

2. Go to Google Images, type in any word that comes to mind and post the 1st picture you see.


3. A college calls you up and says that you have been selected to take get any degree that you want on their dollar.... what do you choose? Film appreciation.

4. Are you blogging on a laptop or desktop? Laptop

5. Which store, excluding a grocery store, do you shop at most often? Border's

6. My daughters tried out for the school musical last night. Were you ever in a school play/musical? Which one? No school musicals for this gal.

7. I read yesterday that a school PTA group wants to try to ban white bread, cakes, brownies or any other "treat" from their lunch menus... plus make kids' lunchboxes brought from home not include any "junk food". Thoughts on that one? As a barren spinster, I don't think I'm qualified.

8. How many people can your kitchen table seat? No table in my kitchen. But the kitchen floor does comfortably serve three cats.

9. What time is it right now? After 4:00 PM

10. Walk out the front door of your house/apartment, turn right, walk 2 blocks. What do you see? The Competitive Foot, a store that specializes in workout attire.


If you'd like to think along, click here.

Thinking of you today, Mr. President

Happy Birthday to one of the heroes of my girlhood -- one of the few who actually deserves the adulation of schoolchildren. I fell in love with American history by reading about Abraham Lincoln. He's a leader who changed the world in his own time and continues to inspire today.

This is an old Life magazine shot of his living room in Springfield, IL. I've visited his home many times, and plan on going there many more. Hopefully, this year I'll bring my nephew. I am proud to be from The Land of Lincoln.

Idol Observation

Tatiana is soooooo obnoxious when she walks, talks, cries and squeals. Yet when she sings, she's awesome. Go figure. She's not only a good singer, she makes good TV, so I'm glad she made it to the next round.

Nathaniel, on the other hand, is an annoying basket case both when he sings and when he talks. I'm sorry that he made it through. Together he and Tatiana are too much. Hopefully one will be eliminated soon.

Gnoshing, watching American Idol and blogging

Completing a meme stolen, as usual, from Kwizgiver:

MOUTHOLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice? French
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? McDonald's
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Flat Top Grill
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15 to 20%
What food could you eat every day and not get sick of it? Burgers
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Sausage
What do you like to put on your toast? Strawberry jam
What is your favorite type of gum? Cinnamon

TECHNOLOGY

Number of contacts in your cell phone? a dozen
Number of contacts in your email address book? about 70
What is your wallpaper on your computer? A nice big Cubs logo
How many televisions are in your house? two
Do you use a laptop or desktop? both

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed? right
Do you like your smile? No. My upper lip kinda disappears and I show too much gum
What's your best feature? Dimples
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes. Uterine fibroids. Wanna hear more? I thought not.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Smell
When was the last time you had a cavity? Last month
What is the heaviest item you lifted last? My gym bag
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No

BULLCRAPOLOGY

If you could, would you wanna know the day you were going to die? no
Is love for real? yes
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Grace
What color do you think looks best on you? teal
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yes. I was in a meeting. The client brought donuts. I bit into one and, as I swallowing, I was aware that there was a (shudder) HAIR in donut. I am very proud of myself that I didn't start screaming or gaaking like a cat with a hairball.
Have you ever saved someone's life? by donating blood (Kwizgiver's answer)
Has someone ever saved yours? yes (see above)

DAREOLOGY

Would you walk naked down a public street for $100,000? no
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? sure
Would you cut off one of your little fingers for $200,000? no
Would you never blog again for $50,000? sure
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? no
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Yes
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? NO!!!

DUMBOLOGY

What is in your left pocket? Tissue
Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house? Carpet
Do you sit or stand in the shower? Stand
Could you live with roommates? No
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? None
Where were you born? Elgin
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? never
What do you want to be when you grow up? Taller
Who is number 1 on your top 10? Abe Lincoln (his birthday is tomorrow, you know)

LASTOLOGY

Friend you talked to? John
Last person you called? My accountant (I'm getting a refund)
Person you hugged? John

FAVORITOLOGY

Number? 7
Color? blue
Season? fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone? Yes
Mood? Content
Listening to? American Idol
Watching? American Idol
Worrying about? My best friend

RANDOMOLOGY

First place you went this morning? The el station
What can you not wait to do? Get that tax refund!
What's the last movie you saw? Revolutionary Road
Do you smile often? Yes
Are you a friendly person? Yes
Now that the survey's done what are you going to do? Blog a bit more

If you play along, let me know, so I can check out your answers.

Dear John

I had dinner with my old friend, John, on Monday. I'm just now blogging about it because it's taken me this long to collect my thoughts.

John and I have known one another forever (28 years this June). We have gone through so much together: the death of my dad, the loss of both of his parents and his baby sister, medical problems, new jobs and career setbacks, love affairs that almost worked out, love affairs that never stood a chance.

Aside from "time served" and the accompanying memories, the glue that holds us together as that we accept each other. I'm animated and he's calm, he's black and I'm white, he's gay and I'm straight, he's tall and I'm short. Yet everything is always cool between us. In nearly 30 years, our friendship has never even hit a speed bump because we have the ability to just laugh and relax completely with one another.

Because he is so open and accepting, he often finds himself in complicated situations. Like the one he's in now. I want to just slap him, a la Cher in Moonstruck, and yell, "Snap out of it!" I hate the path he's on, and I told him so Monday night. But I have to remind myself that he's John. A 50+ year old man with gray in his hair and his beard. A friend who always accepts me no matter how ill-advised my actions have been over the years. He needs an understanding confidant, not a judgmental mommy.

About 6 years ago, he found himself assigned to mentor a new hire. A big kid from St. Louis that I'll call Robbie. Young Robbie acted as though he still had straw in his hair, all "aw shucks" about the big city. (Frankly, this annoyed me; yes, St. Louis is smaller than Chicago, but it's certainly not as rural as Dogpatch!) John found himself flattered by the way this much-younger man looked up to him -- professionally and personally. Eventually Robbie began getting flirtatious.

At this point, John was a middle-aged gay man who had endured quite a few broken hearts. He told Robbie straight up that he wasn't willing to be "an experiment." If Robbie wasn't committed to a gay lifestyle, he should do his erotic exploration elsewhere.

But John and Robbie still worked together, still had lunch together, went to movies together more than once, and the line started getting blurred again. The sexual tension between them intensified. John found himself daydreaming that this kid was finally The One.

Then Robbie dropped a bomb. He had met a girl at one of Chicago's outdoor summer festivals. They had only dated a few times, but now she was pregnant. Robbie barely knew the woman, but he wanted to "do right" by her. Soon a wedding was in the works. John was heartbroken.

Robbie insisted that he needed an older man's friendship now more than ever. Robbie was scared of marriage and fatherhood. He was confused about his sexual orientation. He didn't have many friends in Chicago, and his nearest family was a pair of grandparents in St. Louis. He pleaded with John not to abandon him.

One thing led to another and John and Robbie finally indulged in some sexual play. I don't know how far they went actually, but it doesn't matter. Robbie also persuaded John to lend him money and buy him some coke.

After he got the coke and the cash, this poor, confused country boy turned into a thug. (Like you didn't KNOW that was coming.) He said some very threatening, very ugly things to and about my friend. Now working together was unbearable. Happily Robbie left his position shortly after his baby was born. Whether or not he ever married the baby mama is up for debate -- I ran into Robbie months later and he talked about his wife; he told John they never made to the altar. Whatever.

For the last 4 years, John has heard NOTHING from Robbie. Until last week.

Robbie left John a message saying they had to speak. John asked me what he should do. I said erase it and move on.

John met him.

Robbie has no friends, not a one. He's also unemployed. He's living in a motel, but soon his money will run out. He can't leave Chicago, though, because he can't bear to be away from his son.

They are back to having dinner and going to the movies again. (Guess who pays.) Robbie has apologized for how he treated John and is back to implying that they can be more than friends. "You were the best friend I ever had … Why didn't I appreciate how wonderful you really are? … I wish I'd stayed with you … A day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about you …" Barf.

I told John how incredibly awful idea this is. I said that the ice is thin and the sun is warm, and they're going to end up in bed together and then Robbie will suddenly remember he likes women, and John will find himself with less money but more heartache for having let Robbie back into his life.

"But, Gal! He's all alone! Completely alone! He's just a few steps away from sleeping on the streets."

Good, say I. Robbie just discovered where his seat is on the karma train. Besides, he can go back to his grandparents in St. Louis. I don't think people like Robbie ever actually hit rock bottom, anyway.

That was Monday. Yesterday and today our conversations have been limited to the play John is going to and the Caylee Anthony case. He hasn't brought up the subject of Robbie, and neither have I.

Which is not to say it's not KILLING me! You have no idea how much I hate this. But John and I are equals, two adults who respect one another … and one another's opinions. He knows how I feel because I was pretty blunt about it. He hasn't asked me again, which means he doesn't need a refresher course.

I'll just wait here. Waiting for the emotional explosion that's about to happen in his life again.

Poor, dear John.

But I miss him!

My best friend is very busy at work this week and simply cannot play with me. He explained this, and I said I understood and that I was fine with it. But I was lying. I keep refreshing my mailbox and checking my phone log to see if he's tried to contact with -- which save for a single email this morning, he has not. I feel neglected, and then I get to add a lovely patina of self-loathing because I know I am being an unreasonable brat.

$260.16

That's how big my unexpected refund was! It was credited to my Discover Card last month, after my trip to Key West -- a credit from my hotel.

So it was "found money," and even though it wasn't a gift, it felt like one.

I bought new jeans, a big breakfast, all my groceries for the week, a book for me and some gifts at Border's, and financed a very successful trip to The Body Shop.

I blew through it in four days. It's all gone. But it was fun while it lasted, and made it so much easier to stretch my 1/31 paycheck until 2/14.

Mimi's One-World Meme

My idol, The Queen of Bloggingham, very nearly completed the one-word meme challenge. Since I am naturally loquacious, it will be interesting to see if I'm up to it, as well.

1. Where is your mobile? Purse

2. Your significant other? Fantasyland

3. Your hair? Frizzy

4. Your mother? Home

5. Your father? Disappointed

6. Your favorite? Paul

7. Your dream last night? Forgotten

8. Your favourite drink? Coke

9. Dream/goal? Organized

10. Virtue? Loyalty

11. Hobby? Books

12. Fear? Crash

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Margaritaville (Funkytown?)

14. Where were you last night? Beagle

15. Something that you aren't? Tall

16. Muffins? Waistline

17. Wish list item? More

18. Where you grew up? Chicagoland

19. Last thing you did? Emailed

20. What are you wearing? Jeans

21. TV? New

22. Pets? Three

23. Friends? Many

24. Your life? Mine

25. Your mood? Relaxed

26. Missing someone? Yes

27. Car? None

28. Something you're not wearing? Pantyhose

29. Your favorite shop? Border's

30. Your favorite color? Sage

31. Glass half empty, or half full? Full

32. Shiver, quiver or slither? Shiver

33. When is the last time you laughed? Today

34. Last time you cried? Dunno.

35. Who will resend this? Huh?

36. One place that you go over and over? Bathroom

37. One person who emails regularly? Karen

38. Your favourite place to eat? Restaurant


If you play along, let me know so I can check out your answers.

Monday Movie Meme

Here are the first movie quotes that spring to mind:

1. "Your advertising is just dandy. Folks'd never guess you didn't have a thing to sell."

2. "We'll always have Paris."

3. "See 'ya, Katie." "See 'ya, Hubbell."

4. "Look at me! I'm melting, melting! You've destroyed all my beautiful wickedness!"

5. "Hello, gorgeous."

6. "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

7. "War talk's spoiling all the fun at every party this spring."

8. "Sparkle, Neely, sparkle!"

9. "You're a swine."

10. "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and SNAP! The job's a game."

If you wish to play along, visit this meme.

To see the answers to this meme, see below:

1) Bonnie & Clyde; 2) Casablanca; 3) The Way We Were; 4) Wizard of Oz; 5) Funny Girl; 6) The Godfather; 7) Gone with the Wind, 8) Valley of the Dolls; 9) A Hard Day's NIght; 10) Mary Poppins.

Why isn't today a holiday?

It was 45 years ago today that the Beatles first appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show, and I fell desperately, enduringly in love (as only a 6 year old girl can). Since that day, Paul McCartney has provided the soundtrack for every major event in my life. If that's not momentous enough to deserve a holiday, what is?



This studio is now the home of Late Night with David Letterman.

Confessing my geekier secret loves

Patrick Dempsey. Hugh Grant. George Clooney. Especially Dreamy Don Draper, aka Jon Hamm. Yes, they're all gorgeous and they populate my fantasies handsomely. But in the motel that is my mind, there are some less conventional leading men in starring roles.

John Grisham. Best-selling author. Former lawyer. Former Mississippi Congressman. Currently doing a lot of TV to promote his latest book, and every time I see him I'm reminded that he's one of the cutest little eggheads you'd ever want to meet.

David E. Kelly. The power behind Chicago Hope, Ally McBeal, The Practice, Boston Legal, and more shows I can't recall just now. Amazingly and consistently talented, his work has always veered wildly from comedy to tragedy to romance ... just like real life.

Charlie Rose. PBS talkshow host. As comfortable and effective interviewing Condoleeza Rice as he is with Ron Howard. So sophisticated that he's already bored with ideas that haven't even occurred to me yet.

Former Congressman Harold Ford of TN ... and MSNBC. He's a centerist Democrat from the south, and a dishy political commentator with a calm manner and a lovely voice. I could listen to him forever.

There's something so hot about men this much smarter than I. Sigh ...

Fie on that infamous Today Show interview!

Damn the couch jumping incident with Oprah! For all that wackiness tarnished one of our most entertaining movie stars. I'm watching The Firm, and while Tom Cruise may not be a great actor, he's such a charismatic screen presence. It's hard to enjoy his movies, though, without his real-life shenanigans distracting me.

By the way, The Firm was directed by Sydney Pollack, who died last year. I loved his work and will miss him.

Sunday Stealing #19

Sunday Stealing: The "Get to Know Your Friends" Meme

1. What is your occupation right now? As of Friday, I was relieved to discover that I remain an Associate Creative Director at the agency that did not lay me off.

2. What color are your socks right now? I'm barefoot.

3. What are you listening to right now? E! Talk Soup

4. Last person you spoke to on the phone. Mom

5. How old are you today? A day older than I was yesterday

6. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Cubs baseball (pitchers and catchers report to training camp next week)

7. What is your favorite drink? Coca Cola Classic

8. Have you ever dyed your hair? For decades and decades and decades

9. Favorite food? Cheeseburgers

10. What is the last movie you watched? Revolutionary Road
11. Favorite day of the year? My birthday

12. How do you vent anger? Yelling and then apologizing later. I realize this isn't a productive use of my energy, and what's worse, it can be mean and hurtful, so I try to remember to remove myself, take a walk or listen to Sir Paul and drink.

13. What was your favorite toy as a child? My plush Lassie dog.

14. Living arrangements? Just me in a condo that looks like a cyclone hit it

15. What was the last thing that you cried about? I don't remember

16. Who is the friend you have had the longest? My oldest friend. We've known one another since Kindergarten.

17. What did you do last night? Unwound. Chilled. Relaxed, worry free, for the first time in months.

18. What are you most afraid of? Being in a plane crash

19. In how many areas of your country have you lived? Just only here. Chicago. The best city in the world.

20. What is your favorite flower? Hearty little marigolds.

A Sunny Saturday in Review

What I did, and what I didn't do, today, the first day all year that the mercury hit 50º!

Did Do. Went out to breakfast. Shopped, picking up jeans … and a book (for me) … and a CD (Broooooooce!) … and a DVD (The Godfather, a birthday gift for my best friend, the only person on the planet who hasn't seen it). Dropped off my receipts and forms with the accountant, and had a nice visit with her. Walked my 10,000 steps, and enjoyed every one of them. Grocery shopped. Blabbed with my mom (she's worried about my niece because she had a spat with her friends). Right now I'm watching an exceptional episode of L&O:SVU with Ellen Burstyn.

Didn't Do. Attack the paperwork. My cat Reynaldo took a year's worth of backup for my 2008 return, as well as bills that need to be paid, and God knows what else, and dumped it all on the floor. Then he dug around in it, making certain that there now is no semblence of order left at all. Why? He was bored. He was jacked up over the open windows and fresh air. He is the kitty equivalent of Marley. He is Satan's spawn. I am willing to entertain any of those explanations. Just looking at that mess makes me want to cry. Yet right now, he looks so cute, curled up like a feline fur shrimp. This is not the first time that his behavior has exhausted and exasperated me. I have come to realize that God gave me Reynaldo to teach me patience and acceptance. For my sweet boy cat is never going to change.

Saturday 9 -- Time Has Come Today

1. What time of day do you usually play Saturday 9? Before knocking off Friday night/Saturday morning.

2. At 9AM on a weekday, what are you doing? Riding the el to work, wondering how I managed to be late yet again.

3. At 9PM on any given night, what would you most like to be doing? Ideally it would be yummy to be making love. Unfortunately Don Draper doesn't really exist.

4. What is your most frequent activity online? Email

5. Is there one day of the week that seems to fly by? If yes, why? Tuesday. I'm into the rhythm of work and it's Idol night at home.

6. Do you agree that the older you get, the faster time seems to go by? Yes. I use summer as my gauge. When I was a kid, summers yawned before me, and then when I returned to school so many kids had changed over those 3 months. Now summer speeds by, just like every other season.

7. What is your favorite thing to do with free time? Crap TV. American Idol or Nancy Grace.

8. How much time do you spend alone? Would you like it to be more? Less? Alone time is very good for me. I usually only go out two or three nights a weeks, leaving me alone for four or five. That's by choice. I need the time to recharge my battery.

9. If you could spend one hour doing something what would it be? This is the toughest question! I have two answers. My dream hour would either be spent: (1) at Wrigley Field, watching the Cubs play the Cards. (Ok, watching the Cubs beat the Cards.) I'd love to be sitting there with my nine-year-old nephew, watching his face as he takes in the beauty and excitement of the game and seeing him become a fourth-generation Cub fan or (2) in uninterrupted, real-time conversation with my best friend. Now that I've suspended obsession about my own career issues, I can go back to worrying about how he's coping with his. Also, selfishly, I miss him. Everything in my world seems more manageable and makes more sense after I talk him.

Saturday 9: Time Has Come Today

It's Friday afternoon and I'm still here!

Yea!

Mr. Big just had an official meeting with all of us who are left. He set the record straight and stemmed any rumors. The cuts in this team didn't go too deep (3 let go, 2 reassigned). He believes this will be IT. Not 3 this month, 2 next month, another 5 in April. No, this is IT. (At least for the time being.)

That last one, for me, was the most important. Control over my own destiny is a BIG issue for me (just ask my poor shrink), and the waiting, the not knowing, was the worst. I am not at all good at that. It wears me out. I think I'd find it easier to be let go than just waiting to learn my fate.

But now I have a stress-free weekend ahead of me! And maybe I can even begin planning a vacation ...

Of the 3 who were let go, one gentleman completely knew it was coming, and he was pretty funny about it. "I hope they do it in the morning. I hope they do it soon." He promised his daughter he'd visit her at U of I this weekend and he wanted to be on the road before traffic got too bad. I didn't know the other two well at all, so I don't have to worry about survivor guilt kicking in tomorrow. (Sometimes that's as bad as the stress.)

Thank you to my well-wishers in the blogosphere. Sometimes I'm more candid on this blog than I am with people I see day in and day out. It was a relief to share my worries, and to receive your support in return.

It's starting up -- hot'n'heavy -- again

"We can't make it past February."

"Gary is so sure it's happening Friday, he must know something."

"I heard it will be Tuesday and it will be massive."

"Why do you think that all of a sudden they want all our timesheets in and up to date?"

I've tried to rise above it … not to listen to it … but it's getting to me and I can't sleep. The writing on the wall first appeared in October, and this week it's been becoming more and more vivid. I've been doing this for decades and I know the signs.

While I'm not in love with this job, I'm doing what I can to hang onto it because opportunities in my field are, at best, limited.

I have a cushion of savings set aside. My mortgage is paid in advance. I estimate that my tax refund will go a long way toward paying my mom's medicare supplement insurance. This is my mantra, my way of reminding myself I'm better equipped to handle this than the many, many other Americans who are in my same position.

But I'm still so freaking frightened. Especially in the wee small hours of the morning. My cat Charlotte is right here by my side, quiet and attentive. She seems to sense that I could use a little support.

Desire Under the Elms

I've been so preoccupied by my modern office drama that I neglected to post about my exposure to a classic American tragedy on Wednesday night. This Goodman production stars Brian Dennehy, who has developed quite a following for his portrayals of O'Neill heroes. (Though "hero" is an odd way to describe Ephraim.) But it was Carla Gugino who really rocked. Bold, carnal and fueled by desperation, her Abby and his Ephraim collide like two forces of nature. Young Eben can't help but be destroyed by the heat they generate.

God I love having theater like this available to me, just a half hour from my home!

I'm having a blessed day

I know because my favorite homeless gentleman told me so when I dropped some coins in his cardboard coffee cup. He's back on his plastic milk crate outside McDonald's. To say he looks fine is an overstatement, because he seems to be in fragile health. But he looks the same and he's back, trying to be upbeat and positive, wishing everyone well ... even the people who go out of their way NOT to make eye contact with him because they're embarrassed. I hope God blesses him, too.

Purloined

… once again from Kwizgiver.

NAME ONE THING

that makes you smile: my cats

that makes you cry: movies -- the first one that comes to mind is Brian's Song. ("I love Brian Piccolo, and I'd like all of you to love him too. And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.")

that you love to do on the weekends: go out for breakfast

that you do for only yourself: soak in the tub

that you have in your underwear drawer that's NOT underwear: ... sorry, but there isn't anything

that you do before going to sleep: reflect on how much I love Jon Hamm (Oh, to receive the "full Don Draper treatment!")

that you do within the first 15 minutes after waking: check on the cats

that's in your purse: hairbrush

that you actually LIKE to clean: the filters on my air cleaners. I'm fascinated to see all the stuff it saved me from inhaling.

that you DETEST cleaning: anything else.

that other people would find odd about you: is that I don't drive.

that you would buy if I handed you a $100 bill: the next round

that you feel you HAVE to do before you die: organize my condo!

If you play along, let me know so I can compare my answers with yours.

The Tale of the Tape

I just organized my charitable receipts for my accountant so he can get started on my tax return. Since I have all my numbers here in front of me, I wondered how I compare to my fellow Americans.

A 2007 study on giving shows how we spend our charitable dollars, and I find I'm kinda out of step. Which is OK, really. The important thing is that we each support the causes nearest to us. I just find this interesting from an anecdotal perspective. Because I'm a geek.

Nationwide breakdown of charitable giving:

60% of money donated to charities (in 2007) went to religious groups.
9% went to health-related charities.
8% went to "meeting basic needs," like food and shelter for the underprivileged.
3% went to the education.
2.75% went to "the arts."
17.25% went to "others," including the environment, animal welfare.

Here's my personal breakdown:

54% went to "others," only mine is exclusively animal welfare.
17% went to my church.
15% went to health-related charities (MDA, St. Jude's American Diabetes Assn, and Cancer Wellness Center).
9% went to kids' charities (Toys for Tots and Girls, Inc.)
5% went to "meeting basic needs," like food and shelter for the underprivileged.
4% went to "the arts," defined by me as the public library and our PBS station.
0% went to education. (Uh-oh)

How does your giving profile compare to the national average?

Show of hands, please!

Who among us hates tax time?

Just as I thought.

I don't do my taxes myself. I am just organizing everything for The Big Hand Off to my accountant. I'm going through that big envelope of medical receipts. Sooooo much paper! Sooooo fantabulously boring!

What do I have to look forward to after this? Going through that big envelope of charitable receipts.

Groan ...

Oh well, the sooner I get this done, the sooner I can hand it all off to the accountant, the sooner my return will be filed, and the sooner I'll get my check!

"I Challenge You"

That's how my across-the-hall neighbor boldly began the page on her notepad. I sat right behind her on the el this morning, but she was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she didn't even notice me. She continued scribbling through most the ride downtown, but I can't tell you what else she wrote.

Not because I respect her privacy, mind you. Because her handwriting is too small to read from any distance.

Her husband's college-age son from a previous marriage is staying with them at least until summer -- I wonder if this has anything to do with him. She thought she might enjoy learning about wine by waiting tables in a new neighborhood restaurant known for their wine list, but her husband discouraged it, saying she has no idea how hard food service really is. Maybe it's about that ...

HEY! What else am I gonna concentrate on? Obama's been inaugurated, Blago is done for the time being, and Cubs training camp doesn't start for weeks! Oh, yeah! Thank God for American Idol!

Heads or Tails #23 -- Any Tom, Dick or Harry

This week's HoT topic is "Edge: Any Past Theme." Since 7 is my lucky number, I went to the list of past themes and chose theme #7, "Any Tom, Dick or Harry." With apologies to anyone named Harry, I am devoting this post to the first Tom and Dick that came to mind -- the forever-funny Smothers Brothers.

I literally grew up on the Brothers Smothers. In grade school, our music teacher introduced us to folk music through their albums. "Boil the Cabbage Down" was my favorite, because when Dick ended a solo but calling, "Take it, Tom," Brother Tom said, deadpan, "No," and the number comes to a screeching halt and a sibling snit ensued. (This bit still pops into my mind whenever I see musicians jamming and one calls out, "Take it!") I also remember the refrain of "Marching to Pretoria" (Pre-tor-i-a, Hurrah!) because of the Smothers Brothers Days in music class.

Then there was their TV show in the late 1960s. I watched it obsessively because anything that annoyed my father this much had to be good. (He called them the Smut Brothers.) I know the show was known for it's controversial politics, but that's not what I recall. The Smothers Brothers showcased some of the most important musicians in the world (at least in my little world) -- like the Beatles and Nancy Sinatra (whose boots were made for walking). Most of all, I remember laughing at tough-guy, deadpan cop, Office Judy, created by Bob Einstein.* A young comic named Steve Martin got his start as a writer and bit player on the old Smothers Brothers show.

So thank you, Tom and Dick, for all the laughter and joy … and so deftly introducing me to traditional music. Mom may have always liked Dick best, but Tom is the one who really cracked me up.

To play along with Heads or Tails, click here.

*Bob Einstein -- Albert Brooks' brother -- went on to create stuntman Super Dave Osbourne.

Manic Monday #21

What's the most embarrassing song on your iPod (or music collection)? La La La (If I Had You) by Bobby Sherman. "La, la, la, la, la, la. There ain't nothing in this world I couldn't do. La, la, la, la, la, la. My dreams would all come true if I had you." Dreadful, ain't it?

How much time do you spend each day in your commute? (Or if you don't work outside the house, how much time do you spend in your car or other preferred mode of transportation?) 90 minutes door to door.

What's your favorite wardrobe item and why? My darkest blue blue jeans because I can dress 'em up or dress 'em down. They go with EVERYTHING.

To play along, click here.

I think the planet could use an anger management seminar

I was born with a very bad temper. My mother loves to the tell story of a little pre-school Gal who was sentenced to solitary confinement in my bedroom. After a while, when her anger had subsided, Mom came to speak with me calmly and, perhaps, release me from captivity. She couldn't open my bedroom door. I had spent the entire time dragging my mattress, which was bigger than I was, across the room to block the entrance. As mad as she'd been at me, I was (pound for pound) madder at her.

This temper of mine is exhausting and, more often than not, makes bad situations worse. So I work very hard at keeping it under check. I am not always successful, and for that I'm sorry, but I do genuinely try so hard.

Lately I wonder if others, similarly afflicted, try at all.

Just a few examples I've encountered recently --

1) My downstairs neighbor, a peculiar older man who regularly wears shorts and dark glasses, regardless of the weather or where he is, steals sections of my newspaper every morning. Today I caught him. He denied it and started yelling at me about how sick he was of me "constantly" accusing him (he had part of my paper in his leather folder as we spoke). This wasn't "a good offense is the best defense" kinda thing. This was a "spinning out of control" kinda thing. It concerned me, as he's been known to key the cars of people who cross him. I don't have a car, which should make me more brazen, but he's so odd and crazy and mad that I really don't want to deal with him anymore. I reported him to the condo association and invite them to handle it.

2) I went up the stairs to use the restroom at a friend's house recently and could not help noticing something disturbing. The middle bedroom, the one you see first when you reach the top of the staircase, has no door. Her 19-year-old son has taken his temper out on it so many times that it can no longer be repaired, so she replaced it with a sheet on a suspension rod.

3) Yesterday, on the busy street that borders my village, I saw and heard a driver leaning on his horn, really blasting it. He wanted to make one of those coveted right turns on red, and the driver in front of him was waiting for pedestrians to cross. What did Mr. Noisy Pants want the car ahead of him to do, run people over?

I'm not unsympathetic. It really doesn't take a lot to trigger my temper, and it does take work to reign it in. But I do work at it, and these people make me ask (to borrow from Sir Paul): All the angry people, where do they all come from?