My perfect afternoon included KMart

No, really!

It was sunny and over 70º today. The trees are still full and green. It's my favorite kind of weather, and I was happy to be out of in it. I took the public transportation to the general neighborhood of both KMart and Walmart, and then Jackie* and I walked for about a half hour. KMart came first. I found a perfectly adequate three-blade ceiling fan for my den for less than $40. It was too heavy for me to carry any distance -- I still have to be careful about that -- so I took a cab home.

But it was nice to walk a bit without feeling exhausted. It was nice to have the fans in the windows again. It was nice to save money on the fan so I won't have to feel guilty about the expense of the cab back.

Nice.

* I had Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy on my iPod. I think this could be the first time she was ever -- in any way, shape or form -- in KMart.

What a collaboration!

I'm watching one of Robert Redford's best performances in one of his least successful movies, Havana. He plays a gambler who has lost his glamor, a man who consistently sits with his back to the wall so he can always see who enters the room, a dissipated satyr who is attracted to ... no, make that familiar with ... no, make that comfortable in seedy sex clubs. His life is bereft of romance and aspiration. Until, of course, he meets her, the beautiful Swedish wife of a political activist in Cuba in those dangerous days just before Castro takes power. His love for her redeems him.

It's not a remake of Casablanca, exactly. More a reworking of it. When it was released in 1990, it was a bomb. Partly because Redford rather suddenly looked bad for his age (53). This lack of vanity was as bad for his fan base as it was good for the role. And because the very idea of a remake of a movie as beloved as Casablanca pissed people off. When I originally saw it, lo those many years ago, I was bored. But as I watch it tonight, I'm appreciating it very much.

As I appreciate all the movies in the Robert Redford/Sydney Pollack collaboration. They met as actors back in the 1950s, appearing together in Redford's debut, War Hunt. Sydney moved behind the camera, making popular movies like The Firm and Tootsie.

Eventually Redford moved successfully into directing, too, but not before making a series of movies with Pollack that helped define his superstar persona.

This Property Is Condemned
Jeremiah Johnson
The Way We Were
Three Days of the Condor
The Electric Horseman
Out of Africa
Havana

Funny how the last two films they made together turned out. Out of Africa may have won Pollack his only Oscar, but it's by far Redford's worst performance ever. Havana performed woefully at the box office, but in Jack Weil, Redford created his most daring character.

I learned from the recent Redford bio that Out of Africa and Havana represent the low point in their friendship, that Redford's success as a director spoiled the delicate balance of their collaboration. It worked when Sydney was a director who was only a modest success as an actor and became strained when Redford became an actor who won an Oscar as director. Was Sydney jealous? Yes. Was Redford competitive? Most certainly. They never worked together again after the commercial failure of this film, and drifted apart as friends. This makes me sad because in 1993, they both faced family crises and could have been there for one another (Redford's son Jamie had a liver transplant, Pollack's son Steven died in a plane crash).

¿Quién es más macho? What a pity.

They did reconcile at the very end of Pollack's life, and in 2008 Redford delivered his eulogy. George Clooney, Dustin Hoffman, Harrison Ford and the other superstars Sydney had worked with more recently were there, but when it came time to reflect upon Pollack's career -- both at the service and in the Time magazine obituary -- it was Redford. As it should have been.

PS On a far more shallow note -- Watching Redford ca 1990 makes me suspect he's had his eyes done. I saw him on TV a lot earlier this year promoting The Conspirator and he looked not so much better as different 20 years ago. For what it's worth, Bob, you shoulda left well enough alone.

As her world turns

My oldest friend had surgery again last Monday. Her arm still isn't healing properly and, as part of her workman's comp agreement, she needs to this try to get her flexibility/agility back before she can return to work. It was outpatient surgery. It is hoped that she will be able to begin physical therapy on Tuesday.

She's upset because her kids are giving her so much grief again. Her son's violent temper has resurfaced, resulting in a broken bathroom vanity and a hole in the screen. This is bad not only because he's an asshole, but because she now rents, and every one of these tantrums means he's destroying someone else's property and costing her money she can't afford.

Her daughter, now a chain-smoking sophomore at Beverly Hills High, continues to flirt with drugs, alcohol and serial truancy. It's been recommended that she check into an on site treatment facility, where she would learn to control her impulses as well as continue with her studies. I don't know why there's even conversation about this -- the girl is still young, every possible step should be taken to get her on the right track. Her daughter resists this, of course, but so what? As my best friend says,"A parent's job is to parent."

My friend's move to California was a mistake. She feels adrift. Even before her workplace accident, this job wasn't working out. The cousin that she moved out there to be near actually lives in Mojave Desert, not Beverly Hills, and is neither as accessible nor as supportive as my friend needs. She's had a few dates out there, but not the romance or companionship she longs for. She hasn't made friends. I also think that leaving Chicagoland because she doesn't like snow and cold was just plain frivolous and stupid -- especially when you consider she drives everywhere and makes no mention of strolls up sunny Rodeo Drive or trips to the beach. Dumping her house when she did makes no economic sense.

But she made the move. And, to borrow from Col. Potter on M*A*S*H, "if you ain't where you are, you're no place." I believe she can decide to be happy there. After all, it IS Beverly Hills -- people travel from all over the world just to see it. And she wastes her days indoors, smoking in solitary or puffing away to deal with the tension of living with her son and daughter.

I have been telling her -- over and over again -- that she has to find some way to Beverly Hills her home. Join a church, call on her extended family. Go to the theater or TV show tapings. Move to a larger apartment (her 2BR, with her anxiety-ridden, anorexic 21-year-old son sleeping on the sofa, is simply too small).

But I fear she'll be moving back to Chicagoland soon. She conveniently forgets how unhappy she was here. (If I hear one more complaint about the snow and cold, I'll SCREAM!) She's not concerned about the negative impact yet another move will have on her daughter. She doesn't realize that the problem isn't her location, it's her life. But that's because she's hurting. And when she's hurting, her common sense seems to hydraulically shut down.

As the drama continues, I find myself less and less involved. I shall continue to be here every time she reaches out to me. I love her humor and imagination and I honor the decades upon decades of our friendship and our priceless shared history.

But I'm not counting on her to show up here, as promised, for my birthday next month. After all, I'm still waiting for my Christmas 2010 present and I haven't forgotten the agita caused by her "now you see me/now you don't" act after she offered to stay with me after surgery.

I understand that she is the best friend she can be to me, given her circumstances. While I can see clearly that they are circumstances she creates/perpetuates, she does not. She loves me and worries about me and depends on me and finds much about me to admire. That's valuable, and having her in my life makes me stronger.

My goal now is to simply appreciate our friendship for what it is and has been, and to quit trying to make her what I think she should be. I'm learning that if I let go a bit, not be as involved in her life and passionate about changing her (which isn't working anyway), I can still be a good and accepting friend.

And I'm saying a little prayer of thanks for all the resources I have that she doesn't -- faith in God, a network of people who love and support me, a career with solid professional contacts and good benefits, a resilient spirit … and the Cubs. I could never make the ill-advised decision to move that she did because NEXT YEAR COULD BE THE YEAR!

He likes ketchup

This afternoon, my nephew and I celebrated his 12th birthday. The highlight was the ketchup t-shirt/cap I gave him, perfect for the young man who has been known to just lick the red stuff on the plate when he thinks he can get away with it. He can't wait to wear them to school tomorrow.

I also got him the workings for a music box ("Yellow Submarine") so he and his dad could build something in the workshop to go around it, a comb that looks like a dinosaur fossil, and a Toys R Us gift card (he's saving for a new Nintendo 3DS). He was happy and polite and excited and I enjoyed the time with him enormously.

I was especially touched by how happy he was to hear from his sister, now away at college in Michigan. The call was less than 3 minutes long, but he wasn't expecting one at all since he'd already received her gift in the mail. When I pointed out to him that she probably had to make two calls to find him -- the first likely being a call to the landline at home -- he was even happier.

I'm proud of her that she remembered to call him on his special day, too.

My happiness is only muted by how badly I needed a nap once the party was over. I'm getting very frustrated with my recovery!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Lucky 33 Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Can you cook? Only if I can use my microwave or George Foreman Grill.

2. What was your dream growing up? To be Mrs. Paul McCartney

3. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could sing.

4. Favorite place? My sofa

5. Favorite vegetable Peas

6. What was the last book you read. Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy

7. What zodiac sign are you? I've told this many times, and am glad to repeat my freakazoid birth saga: I was born at the stroke of midnight between November 21 and 22. The stroke of midnight does not exist legally, so the hospital told my mom she had to choose -- 11:59 or 12:01. She was still quite doped up (I was a big baby) and confused about what she was asked, but she chose 12:01, which made it 11/22. Astrologers love this story because I was born on the cusp of a cusp.

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? I'm so conventional. Just one discreet piercing on per ear.

9. Worst Habit? I'm lazy, lazy, lazy

10. Do you personally know anybody on Blog? Huh?

11. What is your favorite sport? Cubs baseball

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? Doesn't my answer to the above question make me, by definition, an optimist?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in a lift with someone of the opposite sex? In reality? Press the alarm button and wait patiently for rescue. In Penthouse Letters? "I never thought this would happen to ME. There I was, checking out the hot hunk of UPS man who slipped into the elevator just as the doors closed. Suddenly we came to a screeching halt, causing me to fall into him. The lights went out, so maybe he didn't realize that his big, strong hand was cupping my ..."

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Wasting too much time and too much devotion on absolutely the wrong man.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you: Shit! I already used my standard "weird fact about myself" in #7! Now what? Hope 'bout this? I can do a mean macarena.

16. Do you have any pets? Three cats: Joey, Charlotte and Reynaldo.

17. Do you know how to do the macarena? Damn! I just answered that on #15!

18. Is the sun shining where you are now? Not yet.

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? They are sick and horrifying.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I'd try to get back down to one chin.

21. Would you be my good angel or bad angel? I'd be an angel who does her best.

22. What color eyes do you have? Green

23. Ever been married? Nope

24. Bottle or Draft? Doesn't matter -- just not a can

25. If you won £10,000 today, what would you do with it? First I'd get it converted to $.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? Big Red

27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? Monk's Pub

28. Do you believe in ghosts? Nah

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Read

30. Do you swear a lot? Fuck yeah

31. Biggest pet peeve? Space hogs who take up the bench in the locker room for their water bottles, iPods, etc.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Loyal

33. In two words, how would you describe yourself? Good friend

The top of the charts

Guess who is the NY Times Best Seller List's top-selling author. Look who is this week's PEOPLE cover girl. I wonder how she'd feel about all this. Amused and embarrassed, I suppose. And grateful for one last opportunity to burnish the President's image.

It's not just a lake, it's a GREAT Lake

September went out like a lion, resulting in powerful winds and huge waves. The city closed the jogging/bike path along Lake Shore Drive. Joggers and cyclists ignored this -- at their own peril. (Don't worry, no one was seriously injured.)

People often think that because Lake Michigan is "only" a lake, not an ocean, that the waves can't really be that dangerous. People are often wrong.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Sleeping to Dream

1. Do you ever go to sleep to simply dream? No. I have never needed much sleep. My oldest friend, my mom, my cat, Joey ... they all loooooove napping and would probably heartily endorse this "sleeping to dream" concept.

2. When you’re having trouble staying awake, what are some things you do to make sure you don’t drift off to sleep? This really isn't a problem for me.

3. What’s most likely to cause you a prolonged period of not enough sleep? Deadlines!

4. When you’re going through a prolonged period of not enough sleep, what parts of your daily routine are likely to change, and how? As my days get longer and my personal time gets shorter, I find I have less and less opportunity to "decompress." That's the important part of my day where I'm alone to think and replenish my personal battery.

5. In what ways does your personality change when you go through a prolonged period of not enough sleep? I talk louder and faster, a result of the extra caffeine I consume to stay alert.

6. Who in your life seems regularly to have not enough sleep? Sorry, no one comes to mind.

7. When you’re sleeping, do your closer friends tend to be male or female? Why do you think that is? I have a lot of dreams about famous men. Quite often Bruce Willis. I think it's because I'm horny. (You asked!)

8. If you could wake up tomorrow with a new talent, what would it be? I'd sing like Streisand.

9. In a dream, is your past something that you can go back to? The dreams I remember tend to be complete fantasies. Quite often about Bruce Willis. Specifically Moonlighting-era Bruce Willis. Does this mean I want to go back to the 1980s?

He could collect stamps ... or press autumn leaves into a book ...

Walt is my neighbor at the end of the hall. He's retired, and he pays waaaaaaay too much attention to me. When I come in, where he sees me around the neighborhood, how much mail I get, who uses my parking space, and -- most annoying of all! -- whether I have ever given my key to any of my friends. This is a condo building, which means I own my unit, and if I want to give each of the Dallas Mavericks his own individual key, I CAN AND WILL!

Anyway, since I got home from hospital two weeks ago, I have become even more fascinating to Walt. I don't have to tell him why I'm home. I don't feel like discussing my surgery with him. It's been my experience that once you get older folks talking about doctors, you're stuck for hours. Besides, I deserve my privacy.

That's why I wish Walt would find an independent hobby to occupy that curious and clearly under-engaged mind of his.

I loves ya, Cigna!

$892.58. That's what I owe for my hysterectomy after insurance. I had estimated that I'd owe $2,000 or so. I'm not surprised that my estimate was so far off -- I've never been good with math -- but I am delighted. What I hadn't counted on was that my insurance company would pay 100% of certain charges because the hospital was "in network."

What a relief! My doctors' bill will come separately, I know. But I still have $1,100 that I'd earmarked for surgery that I can now use for that.

And I'm so happy and grateful I have good benefits!

The more things change, the more things stay the same

I am paraphrasing a story from Historic Conversations on Life with John Fitzgerald Kennedy by Jacqueline Kennedy and Michael Beschloss. I love it because it's so relevant and timeless in its themes -- there's no percentage in alienating people you might need later, the rich remain insensitive to the poor, and no one is every completely comfortable with their significant other's family.



In 1960, while he was preparing for the Presidential debates with Richard Nixon, the Kennedys had dinner with her mother, Janet, and stepfather, Hugh Auchincloss. Hugh was a millionaire stockbroker who maintained several residences. Between his Wall Street firm and his households, Auchincloss employed quite a few people.

Over dinner, Hugh tried to persuade his son-in-law to back away from his support for a $1.25/hour minimum wage because it would be such a drain on the wealthy. Jackie didn't think her stepfather's comments made any impact on her husband at all, that it was just one topic in a meal filled with conversation.

She was wrong. Her husband was disgusted. He just put a placid face on it. Later that night Jackie recalled him saying, "Did you see your stepfather was putting a great slab of pate de foie gras on his toast while he called a $1.25 minimum wage 'appalling?' He was really shocked."

But even if you don't always get along, even if you are the most powerful man in the free world, your in-laws are still family. Here the Kennedys are, vacationing with the Auchinclosses, in September 1962.

For what it's worth, Hugh, I find your silly brown hat with its fishing lures "appalling."

THIRTEEN WORTHY CAUSES

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #142

Here are thirteen charities I give to regularly. Each of them meets the 20 Standards for Charity Accountability established by the Better Business Bureau's Wise Giving Alliance. If you are looking for a way to help make the world a better place, contributing to any of these organizations is a good start.

1) Goodwill helps "people in need reach their fullest potential through the power of work." The national office supports 165 neighborhood locations and in 2010 alone "helped more than 2.4 million people train for careers in industries such as banking, IT and health care." I am forever impressed by their emphasis on strengthening communities, both through employment and giving new life to affordable, reusable clothes and household items.

2) Feeding America provides "low-income individuals and families with the fuel to survive and even thrive." They run a nationwide network of food banks and support local communities in a quest to end hunger. With the economy as it is, and so many of our neighbors struggling, their work is more important than ever!

3) Save the Children "is the leading independent organization creating lasting change in the lives of children in need in the United States and around the world." They work in the areas health, nutrition, education, emergency response, protection and livelihoods.

4) UNICEF addresses "the needs of children in developing countries." They do important work in the area of preventing HIV/AIDS among children and immunizations against measles, polio, tetanus and TB.

5) Girls, Inc. used to be known as The Girls Club of America. They inspire "all girls to be strong, smart, and bold" through economic literacy, the ability to deflect peer/media pressure regarding drugs and alcohol, celebrating educational achievement, and preventing teen pregnancy.

6) Marine Toys for Tots "assists the U.S. Marine Corps in providing a tangible sign of hope to economically disadvantaged children at Christmas." What more do you need to know?

7) Stand Up to Cancer accelerates "groundbreaking cancer research that will get new therapies to patients quickly and save lives." They also do a lot of work in raising awareness about early detection and prevention.

8) American Diabetes Association strives "to prevent and cure diabetes and to improve the lives of all people affected by diabetes." They are do important work on behalf of the 25 million Americans living with diabetes, especially in the areas of education and health insurance.

9) St. Jude Childrens Research Hospital. "By supporting St. Jude, you are helping continue our lifesaving mission of finding cures and saving children." They concentrate on pediatric catastrophic diseases and (this is very important to me) "no child is denied treatment based on race, religion or a family's ability to pay."

10) ARF, or the Animal Rescue Foundation, was founded by Tony LaRussa when he was managing the Oakland A's in 1990. A stray cat wandered onto the field and was terrified by the roar of the crowd. LaRussa rescued her and tried to find a shelter to take her to, but back in the day, there wasn't a "no-kill" option in the area. After finding a home for the cat themselves, Tony and his wife began working to support dogs and cats by visiting "public shelters weekly where dogs and cats are scheduled to be killed and brings them to its facility. At ARF, these animals are given medical care, spay/neuter surgeries, and then ARF finds them homes."

11) Humane Society of the US works "to reduce suffering and improve the lives of all animals by advocating for better laws, investigated animal cruelty, conducting campaigns to reform industries and (this is very important to me) performing animal rescue and emergency response."

12) American Humane Association works to "create a more humane and compassionate world by ending abuse and neglect of children and animals." In addition to providing emergency relief and adoption services for pets, the AHA are the ones who issue that "no animals were harmed" proclamation at the end of movies and TV shows, ensuring that animals are treated humanely when used for our entertainment. They also run The Front Porch project, which is devoted to family education and welfare to address child abuse before it happens.

13) World Wildlife Fund seeks to reconcile "the needs of human beings and the needs of others that share the Earth." They protect natural areas, plants and animals, including (very important to me) endangered species.

I realize that how you share your resources is a very personal choice. (I was royally pissed off recently when someone very condescendingly responded to a post I wrote about MDA.) I know this list is by no means exhaustive and that there are many, many, MANY other causes that deserve your support. I just wanted to offer up some organizations that use their funds responsibly.

For more information on TT, or to play along yourself, click here.

Obsessed

I have become obsessed with Miche Bags. They give me a new way to indulge my irrational love of purses and present me with the opportunity to save some space around here. All four of these different shells fit in one drawer!

I got them on ebay. With shipping, they cost me between $29.00 and $41.00 each. This makes me happy.

Of course, they won't continue to save me money and space if I don't stop buying them. Like now. So I am now done adding to my Miche collection.

A wonderful idea

My best friend just reported in on his younger daughter's birthday party. She's in 6th grade now. She invited 7 of her friends over for a painting party. A student from the local art college came over with easels and palettes and gave the girls a quick primer on painting with acrylics. Then they got their assignment -- paint The Emerald City from The Wizard of Oz, a scene everyone could recall from memory. They didn't get to see one another's work until they were nearly done and were very excited by how individual each of their paintings was. Then, of course, they had a sleepover.

And, instead of a gift, each of the girls brought a donation to the charity of The Birthday Girl's choice. This year she raised funds for her ballet school.

As always, I am impressed by what a good dad he is.

I Want Wednesday

I want my attention span back. I had so many books I planned to read! So many projects I meant to complete! I return to work in 2 1/2 weeks I don't think I'll get much accomplished.

Cool!

Today's mail delivery was, literally, a very cool event. For my friend Barb sent me an Omaha Steaks care package -- a styrofoam cooler filled with steaks and burgers and brats, stuffed baked potatoes, and a chocolate molten lava cake.

She's been so supportive through this medical ordeal, but this is just sooooo generous! And I am so happy. Especially since the doctor warned me to dial up the protein and dial down the carbs as I heal.

This is so cool!

Marlo Thomas is playing a former judge on the 2004 episode of Law & Order: SVU now showing on USA Network. I grew up on her. Hell, I spent a portion of my girlhood wanting to be her! I'm happy to see my old friend and again, and may celebrate by digging out my That Girl DVDs this afternoon.

The Queen's Meme

We shall talk cats this week. Puuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

1. Do you have a cat? No. But I currently share my life with three.

2. What is your cat's name? Joey, a big gray and white tom with an enormous heart. Charlotte Ann, my major domo, a petite tri-colored female with a mysterious air, but no tail. Reynaldo, a small beige demon.

3. What makes you love cats? Each one has such an original personality, so much style, such indomitable spirit. And, like dogs, they work so much harder to understand us than we do them. And they add to my mystique. I mean, how can I be a barren spinster without multiple cats?

4. If you are not a cat person, why not? We pity those who are not cat people.

5. What is the funniest thing your cat has ever done? Oh, Reynaldo and I have long been engaged in an epic Battle of Wills. You know that old saying about cats having short attention spans? It's not true. For when he wants to torment me, Reynaldo has the tenacity and grim persistence of a foot soldier slogging relentlessly up the hill to victory. And he does always win. It must be said that Reynaldo's infinite attention span has a most definite upside. He is endlessly gentle and patient with the autistic little girl who lives across the hall. It's as though he can see into her heart so he forgives her any unintended roughness. It's this feline wisdom that makes me forgive him ... everything.

6. Do you think cats have feelings and can talk to their owners? Oh, I KNOW they do. Charlotte is especially vocal and highly communicative.

7. The Rainbow Bridge is the place where cats go when they pass away. I think it's a lovely idea. If humans could have a bridge of their own in the afterlife, what would you name it? I have to go to the Rainbow Bridge because, as the legend goes, that's where we meet the companion animals who loved us in life and are waiting for us to enter into Heaven. And I know I have Big Tommy, Little Tommy, Annie, Arthur, Wilma, Tara, Alison and Billy, all waiting for me. (As you can see, I don't go in for names like Fluffy for my feline friends.)

So, Hello, Gorgeous!

I took the bus to the mall today. The same mall I have been going to since I saw Al Pacino in Serpico. I went to Carson's for the Goodwill Sale. I stopped at Petco to replenish the larder.

Best of all, I picked up a Big Mac. My first one in ages. It was goooood.

My incision is still giving me a lot of grief. That soreness and those painful twinges are just part of the healing process. I don't like it, but I accept it. I just wish the pain wasn't so draining. I came home and took a three hour nap!

Where he belongs!

This is Leonidas, the Spartan who won't back down. He was featured in a Chicago Tribune story last month along with his best friend, Sgt. Tim Johannsen, who is stationed in Afghanistan. Leo became the Sgt.'s diversion, companion and "touch of normalcy" in an "otherwise straining environment." Which is polite speak for, "Leo kept him sane while Tim puts his life on the line for us."

Today, Leonidas is safe in his new home in Downers Grove, IL. His journey took several weeks, beginning with a drive via local courier across Afghanistan to an unnamed city with an airport, vaccination and quarantine, a flight to New York, then another flight to Chicagoland. But he's now safe in the burbs!

How cool that when the Sgt. leaves Afghanistan for good in 2012, he won't have to worry about leaving his companion behind to die! Leonidas is now here with Tim's wife, waiting to welcome him home and helping to ease that transition from soldier to veteran.

I love the deep well of humanity that local dogs and cats are able to reach in our soldiers.

I'm proud that our troops are loving and decent and reluctant to leave their feline/canine companions behind. (I've included a photo of one of the Felines in Fatigues that the PRM rescued, and am thrilled that she's a Cub fan!) As the Sgt told the paper: it’s all about an old battlefield truism: “Leave no man behind.”

I'm thrilled that we support our troops around here. That Tribune article raised more than $8000 to help Leonidas and other critters like him accompany their war buddies home.

I've just been grinning about this for days.

thepuppyrescuemission.org

The Good, the bad, and the sad

The Good. My friend, Kathy, took me out for breakfast. We had a nice time. I was nervous about it, because our decades-long relationship can be difficult. But she's mellowed and was nothing but supportive. And I, in turn, accepted her attention, affection and generosity with a thankful heart.

Also, scrubbed the tub, sink, toilet and bathroom floor. I have the world's smallest bathroom, so it wasn't that big a deal. But I'm trying to maintain my new neat/clean surroundings as best I can, and it makes me happy when I accomplish my day's goal.

The Bad. I hurt. My incision is really giving me grief today. I'm two weeks post-op, so I know I can expect this periodically for another week or two. Knowing it's normal is comforting, but not comfortable. I miss my pain meds! But I'll have to get by with plain old OTC aspirin/acetaminophen from here on out.

The Sad. Today would have been my uncle's 70th birthday. It's sad that he's gone, but I'm comforted in knowing his cat Bennie is in Heaven with him. How he loved that old girl!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: That Meme That's Going Around

Cheers to all of us thieves!

A. Age: 53

B. Bed size: Full

C. Chore that you hate: Almost all of them, but especially dusting

D. Dogs: If I had one, it would be a "Heinz 57" shelter rescue

E. Essential start to your day: Caffeine

F. Favorite color: Blue

G. Gold or Silver: Silver

H. Height: 5'2

I. Instruments you play: None. I'm frighteningly tone deaf.

J. Job title: Associate Creative Director

K. Kids: None

L. Live: Chicagoland

M. Mother's name: Mom

N. Nicknames: My favorite grandpa called me "Ishkibbleboo." My dad called me "Andy Panda."

O. Overnight hospital stays: Twice. One in 2003 and one just two weeks ago.

P. Pet peeve: Space hogs. You don't need a separate seat on the train for your backpack or briefcase. Your water bottle doesn't deserve a spot on the locker room bench. My ass does.

Q. Quote from a movie: "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." The Way We Were

R. Right or left handed: Right handed

S. Siblings: Two sisters

T. Time you wake up: Off and on throughout the night. I'm not on any schedule anymore as I'm on medical leave from work until 10/16.

U. Underwear: Post-op, I have to wear oversized granny pants.

V. Vegetable you hate: Tomatoes

W. What makes you run late: Anything. I can be very undisciplined.

X. X-Rays you've had: In late August I had a chest x-ray. I still need to get my 2011 mammogram.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Apple banana cake. It's moist, tasty and takes less than two hours to whip up, start to finish

Z. Zoo animal: Okapi

Ah! This is nice!

I'm two weeks post-op and I'm starting to feel better. A quick walk to make a donation to the food pantry and then cab rides to and from the salon for a haircut really wore me out. So tonight is Cantonese carry-out (egg foo young and barbecue pork), a bottle of Dr. Pepper, a phone call to my mom and the new PEOPLE magazine.

There were many things I wanted to do this evening -- scrubbing the tub, sink and toilet, washing the floor … but that's just not gonna happen. I'm too tired.

So while I'm disappointed that I'm not stronger yet, I'm also pretty pleased with a Saturday night I can really enjoy.

Why?

Every time I see a story about Michael Jackson these days, it includes him rehearsing "They Don't Care about Us" for his This Is It stage show. That's how he spent his last professional hours, marching about in military precision with his band of dancers. It leaves me skeeved out. Have you ever listened to the words to this opus?

Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kike me
Don't you black or white me

It makes it hard for me to listen him to praised for his love of his fellow man and his sensitivity and compassion.

"They Don't Care about Us" was not a massive hit. He could have done those This Is It shows without including it. He wanted to do it. And he could have performed this song without the offensive quasi-military choreography. He chose to do it.

I grew up on Michael Jackson. The way his life ended makes me sad. And so does his affection for a song with anti-Semitic lyrics.

A more famous lyric goes, "Be careful who you love." I'd like to amend that to, "Be careful who you idolize."

Annoyed!

Today I dropped off a bag of canned soups and beans and fruits at the food pantry. It was worth about $15 and was as heavy as I'm comfortable carrying, post-op. After I turned the corner, I was approached by a very aggressive man who kept walking backwards in front of me, pointing at my headphones to get me to remove them. He asked me if I knew about the church that housed the food pantry.

"Yes," said I, trying to keep walking. "They are right there, around the corner, and they are still open if you are in need of assistance."

He explained that they "only" give out canned goods and he needed a sandwich. And bus fare.

I did something I never do -- I stopped on the street and opened my purse. I don't think it's a safe practice, but what the hell. I am trying to approach the world with a more thankful heart, to be sincere and joyous as I give back, showing my gratitude to God that my organs were clean and cancer free. And wasn't the point of today's jaunt to help those who are hungry?

As I was pulling a single out of my wallet, he told me he needed, "$7 or $8."

I admit it -- my first impulse was to respond that he was a greedy SOB. I swallowed my anger and I gave him the dollar and said, "good luck."

But I am still annoyed. He WAS greedy and he DID aggressively invade my personal space.

I gave to him today. But, unlike the groceries handed off at the food pantry, it was not done with a thankful heart.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Put a Spell On You

1. If you could put a spell on someone, who would it be and why? Sometimes my best friend has a hard time articulating, so I'd like to cast a spell that allows me to read his mind.

2. If you could go back in time and relive one moment, what would it be? One morning, a man I loved awakened me pre-dawn because he was holding me so tight in his sleep. It's a very dear memory.

3.If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? I would not have gone to San Jose with a (very) different man. That trip had tragic, long-reaching consequences for the rest of my life.

4. What movie/TV character do you most resemble in personality? K-K-K-Katie Morosky from The Way We Were.

5. If you could push one person off a cliff and get away with it, who would it be? There is a celebrity who continues to annoy me, but he's already dead, which leads me to believe karma ultimately takes care of these things.

6. Name one habit you want to change in yourself. I can be petty

7. Describe yourself in one word. Loyal

8. List your top three memes that you like to respond to. Thursday Thirteen, Sunday Stealing and this one, of course!

9. Why do you blog? Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta write.

Knee deep in Jackie

I pre-ordered Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy from Amazon as soon as the project was announced. And I was sad that the package had been delivered to my office now that I'm stuck here at home. As I bitched and moaned, my best friend asked, "Why don't you ask someone to go into your office and send it to you at home?"

Uh ... cuz I'm an idiot.

So today the postman delivered two packages -- one was my copy of the book & CDs, the other was an identical set, a get well gift from my friend Mindy. I spent decades wondering what Jackie had included in her oral history for the Kennedy Library, and now I have it squared.

As I walked to the UPS store to return my original, still-sealed set to Amazon, I had Jackie in my headphones. It was so charming to hear her tell stories about her introduction to political life through old Boston pols with names like Onions Burke and Juicy Gremara.

Then there's the book I just began reading: Reading Jackie. It's a history of her career as editor, with an emphasis on how her life experience informed her literary projects. I got it on sale as Borders gasped its last, so I'd have a little Jackie to keep my company during my convalescence. So, in essence, I have the story of the decade that ensured her place in history and the last decade of her life, when she lived her life on her own terms and not through the reflected glory of a powerful man.

Walking through the park

I walked about a half mile today, which included a stroll through the park nearest my home. I haven't been there in months! I'm glad it's still all green and that the trees are still leafy. But now, I need a nap.

Drum roll, please!

I have lost 9 lbs.!

This morning I screwed up the nerve to step on my bathroom scale for the first time since mid-August, and was delighted to find that I'm back to where I was in Summer 2010, when I decided I was merely fat (as opposed to obese). The little black Sharpie mark I made on the display remains, though it's faded over the last 14 months.

I have not been moving very much at all. I mean, my leisurely little daily jaunts around town could hardly be considered cardio. And for the past week I have eaten everything/anything I please. (As evidenced by my daily English muffin w/strawberry jam carb fest.) And yet I lost 9 lbs.

So I guess my GP was right back in July when she suspected a lot of this new weight was bloat, caused by pressure on my organs from my audaciously large cyst.

But now that I know I don't have cancer, now that I know much of the relentless weight gain that left me feeling helpless was indeed beyond my control, I am determined to get healthier and feel better.

I know I can't resume exercising again yet, at least not in any strenuous way. But I have resistance cords and I'm going to use them every day. After all, this strength training includes no bending, no pressure on my abs. And I'm going to resume tracking my calories at The Daily Plate. I'm not going to deprive myself anything I crave because I know I'm still healing, but it may encourage me to make smarter choices.

Hopefully, by the time next month, I'll be on an exercise bike or maybe in the pool again!

Oh, my!

Lately I have been having many fascinatingly unusual bad dreams while on pain killers, but last night I had a fascinatingly unusual good one. Very good. That's emphasis on the VERY and added emphasis on the GOOD.

What made it unusual was the complete lack of romance. I can't tell you who I was dreaming about -- not because I'm repressing his identity, but because it simply didn't matter.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #140

This week, for the first time in ages, I am doing my TT completely from home. I usually use this weekly post as my mental sorbet -- allowing it to cleanse my mind when I'm stuck on a project. I either get the initial idea or put the finishes touches on it from my desk.

But not #140. I am, for the most part, all-at-home/all-the-time. And one area that's staying rooted at home where it stands is my refrigerator. So ...

THIRTEEN ITEMS
IN MY REFRIGERATOR

1) A quart of 2% milk

2) Ten cans of Coke

3) Four Ultra Slim Fast Milk Chocolate Shakes

4) Six yogurts (2 Key Lime, 4 Strawberry)

5) I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray

6) American Cheese Slices

7) Turkey bacon

8) Oscar Mayer "lite" hot dogs

9) Ketchup

10) Sweet relish

11) Miracle Whip

12) Thin sliced ham

13) A quart of orange juice

For more information, or to play along yourself, click here.

Not sorry to see it go

Forget Labor Day. Today marks the end of This Gal's Summer: the last home game at The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. Between that momentous event and hearing this Sly and the Family Stone song in the shower this morning, I have been reflecting on Summer 2011.

It wasn't so hot.

My Borders store closed. It was too hot. My best friend's recession-weary company STILL refused to pay for him to come see me ... I mean, attend meetings in Chicago. I didn't get the raise I was hoping for. My kid sister is STILL a bitch. And I felt fatigued and fat/fatter/fattest. And there was the stressful run up to my September surgery.

Oh, there was one mega-fantastic thing: My nights with my Knight at Wrigley Field. How lovely of Sir Paul to be there for me to redeem the summer!

I Want Wednesday

I want Jackie. I pre-ordered Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy from Amazon as soon as the project was announced. Long before I knew I was going to have surgery. So now the book and 8 CDs are sitting on my desk at the office! How I would love hearing her voice here at home during my convalescence, when I could really concentrate. Oh well, it is what it is. I've waited decades to hear these tapes. I can wait a few more weeks.

Sleepy time!

I was feeling so good, so strong on this warm, sunny Tuesday. I left at 2:15 for my 4:00 dr. appointment -- stopping at Trader Joe's for English muffins, the eye doctor's for new contact lenses, and my favorite coffee shop for lox benedict. It was wonderful to feel as though I was back in my own life again!

Then my doctor checked out my troublesome incision and deemed it just fine, but expressed concern about the tenacious rash surrounding it and phoned in a prescription for me. That's gonna have to wait until tomorrow. For right now, all I see in my future is a nightshirt and a nap before the season premiere of NCIS. (Sigh. I could really use me some Gibbs right now!

Nightmares

My pain pill only covers me for six hours, so no matter how I time it, every night there comes a time when it wears off when I'm asleep and I wake up in discomfort.

And every night I recall the gruesome nightmare I was having right before my eyes open.

They all have to do with my helplessness in a rescue situation, and I conclude that in dream symbolism the one I'm trying unsuccessfully to save from harm is ME. My subconscious is saying, "Wake up and take the damn pain pill."

The worst dream had me saving a tortoise shell cat and a black and white dog from the Chicago River, only to have them race into Wells Street traffic and get squished.

Another had me searching for my mother, who had slipped away from me in a crowd, and I knew she'd never be able to figure out how to get home on public transit without me.

And tonight, the one that awakened with a start in time for this latest dose, had me all miserable and panicked because I was in love with Charlie Sheen. I am not kidding! The codependent's Mission: Impossible. Even when I'm asleep, I crack me up.