I'm soooo not good at this

I'm coming unglued, waiting for surgery. I really am.

Yesterday my oldest friend called to tell me she's NOT coming in to hold my hand. This is not a surprise. I just wish we hadn't have done this dance. It tired me, trying not to hurt her feelings while still surreptitiously working on Plan B: My Mommy. She's been very patient with me.

Then I read a letter from my insurance agency. I'm pre-authorized for Friday and Saturday nights in the hospital. Yea! Except for one thing -- Kathleen is on deck to drive me home from the hospital on Monday. That's what my doctor told me: 3 nights in the hospital. Kathleen is leaving town with her family on Saturday morning and won't be back until Sunday night. So I have no ride.

I spoke to my doctor's assistant and she told me not to worry about it. Insurance companies do what they do. She will see to it that if I need that third night -- and she's confident I will -- that I will get it. She reiterated that my huge stapler cyst, while creepy to the max, is most likely not malignant and that if the lining of my uterus is, we're catching it early. Okay.

Then there's my cough. See post below. I. Can't. Help. It! But because it's so disruptive, it's also top of mind. So when the lab called, saying they wanted to discuss my chest x-ray, I freaked out. I can't have this surgery rescheduled! I can''t! My x-ray is clear and normal.

I feel like I'm pulled as tight as a piano wire. I wish this waiting was done so I can look back on this surgery and say, "It wasn't so bad ..."