When the going gets tough, the tough go to the movies

I'm on vacation! Hurray! But I hate my kid sister and The Chocolate Covered Spider! Boo! So, in an effort to get my mind off my troubles and get into a more zen place so I can enjoy my time off, I thought I'd sit in the dark for a few (3.25) hours and watch Titanic in 3D.

It was the first time I'd seen it at the movie theater in more than a decade. While I'm not sure 3D enhanced the film itself that much, I know sitting there in the dark did. I've always been a sucker for the movie going experience, and I'm very glad I spent this time with Jack and Rose.

I have been watching Leo and Kate in movies so often and so regularly that it was jarring to see how much their appearances have changed since 1997. I knew while watching this the first time that this was a breakout, star-making performance for him. I'm surprised and impressed by her body of work (6 Oscar nominations by age 37 -- this puts her at a Streep-like pace).

And then there's the timeless tragedy itself. My oldest friend and I both are kinda into the Titanic story. She says it's because of all the times, each step of the way -- beginning with when the ship was designed and built, through the lookouts accidentally leaving their binoculars behind, to moving faster than was wise to arrive New York early, to not taking that iceberg threat seriously -- that disaster could have been averted ... but wasn't. That this was some horrific convergence of mistakes and bad judgements that resulted in the loss of so many souls. For me, it's wondering how I would have faced being a passenger on that ship. Would I have been one of the lucky first-class passengers? Or, more likely, how would I have behaved when for the hour when doom was imminent? At any rate, it's an overwhelmingly compelling story. To paraphrase one of the characters, Brock (the latter day captain in search of artifacts), once you let Titanic in, it stays with you. Knowing we're approaching its centennial makes it more poignant.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! What with all those woosh-ing noises and 3D nautical effects and the two Cokes I drank, I had to go to the bathroom twice. Wasn't crazy about that. If you're going to see Titanic in 3D at the movie theater, lay off the soda.

Trifecta

This week's challenge: Write a response between 33 and 333 words long and uses the words listed below. Use the words however you wish, but make sure that all three appear in your response.  Oh, and they must appear in order.

1. cacophony
2. soap
3. insects

Her displeasure was impossible to miss. In fact, her pitch rose and the volume rapidly increased until they became cacophony. Pam loved that dieffenbachia, and she really hated seeing bugs on the leaves.

Was she too attached to this plant? Perhaps. But it had great sentimental value. Her husband had brought it to her in the hospital when their daughter was born, and watching it flourish and grow in her office reminded Pam of the little girl who was now flourishing and growing at pre-school.

“My God!” Her administrative assistant appeared red-faced and worried in the boss’ doorway. “Are you OK?”

“Look!” she said, pointing to spots of distress.

The older woman stood next to her boss, peered at the plant and then draped a comforting arm around Pam’s shoulder. “Not a problem, really. Nothing a little soap and water can’t fix.”

“Huh?” Pam may have earned an MBA from Wharton and become a recognized expert in the field of biotech healthcare management, but creative uses for household detergents was not in her wheel house.

“We’ll mix a little dishwashing liquid and plain tap water in your plant mister and send those insects running,” her admin said confidently.

 

Thirteen Thirteen #166

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT WRIGLEY FIELD

As Eddie Vedder sings in his Cub tribute song, “Someday We’ll Go All the Way:”
When you’re born in Chicago you’re blessed and you’re healed/every time you walk into Wrigley Field. 



Now that it's April and another season has begun, it's time to honor one of the most special places on the planet ... "the home of our joy and our tears" ... Wrigley Field.

1) Built in 1914, it’s the second oldest park in the majors (Boston’s Fenway is two years older)

2) It’s pretty. The vines were added in 1937 and they make Wrigley Field feel more like a park than a stadium.

3) That’s the original scoreboard! The inning-by-inning scores are still changed by hand from inside the board.

4) The park was christened "The Friendly Confines" by Cub great/MVP/Hall of Famer, Ernie Banks.

5) Ernie’s nickname is "Mr. Cub." His statue graces the front of the park. As do statues honoring Billy Williams and the late, great Ron Santo.

6)  SIX Cubs have had their jerseys retired, and their numbers fly on flags above the park (14 – Ernie Banks; 10 – Ron Santo; 26 – Billy Williams; 23 – Ryne Sandberg; 31 – Both Fergie Jenkins and my beloved future Hall-of-Famer, and personal all-time favorite Cub, Greg Maddux)

7) Ernie hit his 500th career homerun in this park.

8) Sammy Sosa hit his 60th homerun here during three separate seasons (1998, 1999 and 2001)

9) Perhaps the most famous player of all time, Babe Ruth, added to Wrigley Field’s legend, and his own. In 1932 he pointed to the bleachers, indicating exactly where he would hit the next pitch, and then made good on the brag with a homerun.

10) When one of baseball’s most infamous, Pete Rose, got the base hit that tied him on the all-time list with Ty Cobb, he did it in Wrigley Field.

11) A “W” or “L” flags flies over Wrigley Field at the end of each game. Before the Cubs added lights, all Wrigley Field games were played during the day. The “W” for win flag (and “L” for loss) were flown for commuters on their way home who were unable to watch or listen to the game.

12) Another Wrigley Field tradition is for bleacher fans to throw back any homerun hit by an opposing player. I’ve heard that sports memorabilia collectors actually weep when think of the money that right-thinking Cub fans toss back onto the field.

13) The first night game at Wrigley Field took place in August 1988, and was suspended because of a torrential rainstorm. Some of us believed it was God’s way of saying baseball is meant to played under the sun.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

Happy Birthday to an Underappreciated Screen Queen

Yesterday was Doris Day's 88th birthday. I have always been a big fan of hers, and don't know why there aren't more of us. Not only did she make some wonderful movies and recordings, she was a major star for years. Between 1956 and 1965, she never ranked lower than #3 on the list of female box office draws, and for four of those years, she was #1. While sex goddesses Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe are remembered as the icons of that era, it was freckle-faced Doris who consistently sold more tickets.

I love her because she never seems to be acting. She had her share of leading man who were adept at chewing the scenery (Kirk Douglas, Howard Keel) but she never succumbed and always stayed utterly natural. Which is not to say she wasn't charismatic. In two of my favorite movies (Young at Heart and Love Me or Leave Me), she holds her own with Frank Sinatra and James Cagney. She also enjoyed success with Cary Grant and Clark Gable (though, to be honest, I wasn't as enamored of her in those roles).

The quintessential Doris heroine was high-spirited and good-hearted. She was always independent and sure of herself. A pre-feminism feminist. Marilyn Monroe may have always needed rescuing, but not Doris. In fact, she was just as likely to do the rescuing. (In Young at Heart, she saves both an unwanted puppy and Frank Sinatra.)

She is best remembered for her wildly successful but virtually sexless sex comedies with Rock Hudson. The plots are all so dated, as Rock tries to maneuver Doris into bed and then she gets so mad! It's easy to make fun of them. After all, by the time she made Pillow Talk and Lover, Come Back she was already in her mid-30s, a little old to be a virgin. But I never thought it was her purity that Doris was fighting to protect. It was her integrity. It wasn't Rock's single minded horniness that upset her as much as his duplicity. Plus she had some really fantastic clothes in these movies. In Pillow Talk she's an interior designer and in Lover, Come Back she's an ad exec, so she has high-powered jobs to pay for those designer threads, too. And, while there isn't really much heat between her and Rock in these silly comedies, there is a lot of genuine affection.

She began her career as a singer. "Que Sera, Sera" is her signature song, introduced in the Hitchcock classic, The Man Who Knew Too Much. But in the 1940s she reached audiences not from the movie screen but through their radios. Singing with bandleaders Tommy Dorsey and Les Brown, she had hits with "I Got the Sun in the Mornin'," "Everybody Loves a Lover" and, most famous of all "Sentimental Journey." The latter was an anthem for servicemen in WWII, and Doris a stand-in for every Girl Next Door waiting faithfully back home. It was so popular, and her vocal was so good, that it was the first recording inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. Her singing was just as natural, sweet and affecting as her acting. None of the histrionics that we hear from divas today. Doris simply hit the notes squarely and told a story as she sang, and she did it beautifully.

When her movies and music fell out of favor, she ended up doing a TV show that, while popular for a time, truly sucks and is better off forgotten. Then she indulged her passion for animals and became a tireless crusader for animal rights. Her Doris Day Animal League focuses on influencing legislators to introduce new laws and enforce existing statutes that protect animals. They work hard to bring animal welfare organizations from different regions together to compare notes and develop innovative ways to educate the public and reduce animal suffering. Naturally, I think the old girl is a peach.

Her personal life has been chaotic. A terrible car accident as a girl, an abusive first husband, a manager-husband who robbed her, a landmark lawsuit that awarded her $22 million, and a son who offended Charles Manson. She wrote it all in her 1975 autobiography, which raised quite a few eyebrows at the time. Being Doris Day was most certainly not as easy as it looked!

Which is why I hope yesterday was a very happy celebration for her. No one sees her very much these days, which isn't an unusual for a lady of her years. I hope at 88 she's healthy and surrounded by loved ones (with and without fur). It's the least she deserves for all the joy she brought us for decades.

www.Wednesday

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading? I just picked up  The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz. It's Book #1 in a detective series about Izzy Spellman, who is described as "part Nancy Drew, part Dirty Harry." This series gets a "thumbs up" from Kwizgiver.
 
• What did you recently finish reading? Mortal Stakes, my favorite in Robert Parker's venerable Spenser series. I picked it up again because it's about a mystery surrounding a phenomenal young Red Sox pitcher, and my Cubs begin their season tomorrow and I wanted to read about baseball. The title comes from Robert Frost, "Only where love and need are one, and the work is play for mortal stakes, is the deed ever really done." That's just one of its serious elements. There's mystery and blackmail and bribes and sleuthing, for sure. But also integrity and values. How what you care about helps determine who you are. It shows Spenser falling slowly in love with Susan, his life partner and (for me, at least) one of the most annoying women in pop culture. So it was good to revisit Spenser and Susan at the beginning of their relationship, to remind me what he loved about her. (PS This book was originally published in 1987. The Internet has changed our lives soooo much in the last 25 years, and as I reread it I kept thinking, "This wouldn't have happened this way if they'd had Google.")

• What do you think you’ll read next? I don't know for sure, but maybe Found by Tatum O'Neal. She's been through so much, and so publicly. I'm curious about how she's doing -- as an actress, as a daughter and as a mother.

I Want Wednesday

I want today to be over. For it feels like tomorrow, the rest of my life begins. After all, Thursday is Opening Day! I'm always happier when I have my Cubs.

Then there's Easter and my vacation, which begins Monday. The sooner today is over, the sooner the fun starts.

Sometimes I feel like just giving up

It's disconcerting to be outmaneuvered by a skinny beige cat. And yet Reynaldo beats me, and beats me down, every time.

Lately he has decided to awaken me in the middle of the night -- usually between 2 and 3 am. He eats my hair. He meows. He pulls on my lower lip with his paw. He knocks everything off my dresser. He does whatever he can to wake me up.

He wants me to feed and play with him. If I do this so he'll leave me alone, he will do it again the next night. And the next. Trust me, I know.

He is not hungry. I always find the meager remnants of his dinner in his bowl when I give him breakfast. He just would prefer a cat treat or canned food to his kibble. And he's not lonely. He has two other cats and a box of toys to amuse him while I sleep. He doesn't need me. He just wants me.

Last night we went through our little routine, with him misbehaving and me yelling, and finally I just tossed him out of the bedroom and closed him -- and the other two cats -- out. And, unintentionally, away from the litter box that is tucked out of sight in the back of my walk-in closet.

So this morning when I woke up, I found catshit on my kitchen floor. Gee, thanks! And cat urine on one of my handbags -- that'll teach me to forget to hang it on the chair -- and on my bathmat.

Maybe now that Reynaldo is older (he just turned 8), his dietary needs have changed and he truly isn't getting enough of the food he likes. Or maybe he's just fucking willful. At any rate, I'm going to give him a midnight snack before I retire. Not Joey -- though he's sweet, he's already too chunky and I worry about the impact his weight has on his health. But Miss Thing herself, Charlotte, can partake in a dollop of canned food too, if she'd like.

I've got to come up with something. We can't go on like this!

Mommy's Home

My mom was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon and I'm so grateful! She is going to be tired for a good long time, has to remember to drink -- preferably water -- almost constantly because she is at increased of dehydration, and she shouldn't be too far away from a bathroom for a while, but she's home. In her own bed. With her cat.

The house my mother currently lives in -- where I lived from ages 2 to 18 -- has only ever been owned by her family. Her mom and stepfather built it when she was in high school. It's the house she moved away from when she married my dad. When I was a toddler, she and my dad bought it from her parents, and that's where she's been ever since.

To me it's a ranch house with shag carpeting in the world's most boring suburb. But it's as important to my mom as Tara was to Scarlett O'Hara. So I'm so glad she's home!

Plus, I wasn't at all crazy about the hospital she was in. She and my kid sister love it because it's new and in a wealthy suburb -- where I was in an old hospital in a more working-class neighborhood when I had my surgery last September. Yet in my dumpy old hospital, I never saw food trays in the hall. Every hospital worker who came to visit me actually USED the hand sanitizer stuck to the wall. Glad she's home before she could come down with some sort of infection -- albeit a decidedly upper middle class infection.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Trifecta

This week's challenge: Check out the third definition of brain (below), and use the word exactly as it appears, in no less than 33 and no more than 333 words.

3

: something that performs the functions of a brain; especially : an automatic device (as a computer) for control or computation

The storage facility called about a single moving box left in her late father's abandoned locker. If she didn't retrieve it, they would toss it. Julie was tempted to say, "Go ahead." But her boyfriend was eager to go get it, saying, “I bet it’s filled with treasure.”

So that's how they came to go through a box of ancient office supplies. A pink disc typewriter eraser, complete with little black brush. Bottles of dried out liquid paper. And brads. Lots of brads.

"Why would anyone need this many brads?" Shawn asked.

"He used them to fasten his cuffs in a pinch," she said matter-of-factly.

"Really? Your dad sounds like quite a character."

"That's one word for it," Julie replied, going through file folders. It gave her pause to see his handwriting again for the first time in years. Dad cared more about his office life than his home life. So far, Julie was unimpressed by the paperwork that had been such a successful rival for his affections.

Shawn saw that she was getting sad. He attempted to distract her by shooting her with an old rubberband but it came apart in his hand. Instead he reached in the box and found a big black gadget.

“What’s this behemoth?” he asked.

 

“That’s Dad’s Bowmar Brain!”

“His what?”

“You know, ‘brain,’ like calculator,” she said, taking it from Shawn. “Believe it or not, this was once state-of-the-art. His boss gave it to him for Christmas and he wouldn’t let me even touch it.” 

Shawn continued rummaging. Julie continued reminiscing. “He was so impressed with this thing, even though I think it only did four functions. He told everyone it was the best present he got that year. Completely ignoring the picture frame I made for him. I decorated it in glitter and wrote ‘Daddy’ in …”

“Macaroni,” they said in unison as Shawn produced a gaudily framed photo of a very young Julie.

He smiled. “I told you we’d find treasure.”

Sunday Stealing

SundayStealing: The April No Fools' Meme

1. What was the last clothing item that you bought? In January I took advantage of Macy's after Christmas sale and bought $200 worth of big sweaters for just $100. Then, you guessed it, we had this freakishly warm winter/spring and I barely got to wear them. Oh, well.

2. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you choose? 35. I felt very womanly in all the best ways when I was 35.

3. When you say “lol”, are you really laughing? No. Let’s face it, no one is really laughing.

4. What is the most interesting thing you’ve done in the past year? Oh, it has to be the purchase of my new toilet! It’s a Wellworth (who knew toilets had names?), purchased at The Home Depot and installed by my handyman. Admit it, you're jealous!

5. If you started a business, what would it be? Pet sitting. I have a way with critters.

6. Do your friends/family/coworkers know about your blog? God, I hope not!

7. How long does it take you to write an average blog post? I don’t know. I truly have never thought about it.

8. How do you keep up with the blogs you follow? Behold the blog roll at right.

9. What is your bedtime? Is sex always involved? Sex is never involved. This makes me sad. :(

10. Introvert or extrovert? Yes. The answer depends on the setting.

11. What is your biggest fear? An airplane crash.

12. What is the best job you ever had? I developed the copy for product packaging and promotion for a haircare company. I learned a lot and it was fun. Eventually the office politics got to me. But when it came to the actual writing, it was my favorite job and I’d be there still.

13. Dog person/cat person/both/neither? Both. I have always had cats and love them, but I could love a dog, too. Unless you were traumatized by a critter in your youth, I don’t get having a preference. Every critter is individual, just as every person is.

14. If you had $1,000 to spend any way you wanted, what would you do with it? $333 would go to charity, $333 would go to bills, and $334 would go to fun.

15. How do you "dress" your toast? Butter and jam.

16. How do you feel about snow? With my hands, tee hee. I like it fine. It’s fun.

17. What was the worst job you ever had? Writing sales and promotion materials for a software manufacturer. It was painful.

18. What song can you not stop listening to?

19. Love your name or hate it? My first name is fine. My last name is kind of dopey. At one point I was dating a guy whose last name is Smith and I truly thought about marrying him, just for a name everyone could pronounce and no one would make fun of.

20. How did you choose your blog/twitter handle? It was available.

Rice, noodles, tomato paste and soup

I believe in the phrase, "Demographics are destiny." With that in mind, let me tell you a little something about my neighborhood.
• Our average HHI is nearly 30% higher than the rest of the state
• Our homes are worth, on average, 40% more than those across the rest of the state
• Requests for aid from our local food pantry were up a staggering 22% in 2011. Last year 50,000 people were served by the food pantry that is open 2 days/week in the basement of our Methodist church.

My neighbors are still suffering. And, statistically speaking, yours probably are, too. This Recession and the sluggish recovery have been brutal on middle class families. A lot of folks are under-employed, working at part-time jobs that help them make ends meet but leave them without benefits, and so they are paying more than ever for prescriptions and trips to the doctor and dentist. Add in escalating gas prices, and you can see why they are turning to food banks for help.

History tells us that in November and December, when people are filled with the holiday spirit, food pantry shelves are full. After the new year, contributions wane and then spike in time for Easter (now). Then, over the summer, the need becomes more critical. Especially because classes are over and kids won't be getting their free school lunches.

So while I'm glad that I visited our local food pantry and dropped off a bag of Rice-a-Roni, Kraft Macroni and Cheese, Campbell's soup and generic tomato paste, I have to remember to keep at it throughout the summer. (And maybe remember to add some vegetables!)

And, if helping the hungry in your hometown is something that interests you, here's a link that will lead you to the food pantry nearest you.

Saturday 9: Stuck in the Middle With You

1. In romance, have you ever been stuck in the middle with someone? I've been listening to this song for decades and it's never put me in the romantic mind set. "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you." So I always assumed "stuck in the middle" meant surrounded by people we just don't get. And yes, when my late uncle was alive, I got the idea that he and I were "stuck in the middle" together at every family gathering. We were somehow the family "outlaws," yet we understood one another easily enough. I miss him enormously.

2. Which current commercial is the currently most annoying to you on TV or radio? The Amy Sedaris/Mean Joe Greene Downy commercial. She's self-consciously cute and it annoys me. And yes, I get it. I saw the original Mean Joe Green Coke commercial when it first ran and as an adult I have heard how it was a breakthrough in celebrity endorsements. I just don't like Amy Sedaris. Leave me alone.

3. What do you think is the most difficult task when it comes to Spring cleaning? Getting started and staying with it.

4. What area is your expertise in? I write.

5. Have you ever bumped into a former lover and found out they were now gay or straight depending on your relationship with them? No.

6. When was the last time that you got stabbed in the back? Nothing springs to mind. Which is kinda nice, actually.

7. For a few years in a row, you receive a nice tax refund: do you make an adjustment with your payroll deduction so they’ll take less, or do you leave it that way so that you can continue to receive the big check every spring? I keep getting the big check in spring. It's kind of my enforced savings, and it goes paying for my mom's Medicare supplemental insurance and snow removal. (And if there's any left over, I buy purses.)

8. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life? (And do tell a bit, if comfortable) Yes. A coworker/boyfriend and I were supposed to be at a company function at a hotel and we got bored and crashed the dental convention down the hall. We were dressed nice, we had name tags, no one ever knew. Mad Men aside, the dentists had a far nicer open bar than our advertising agency did. And we got plowed. And carried away. In a secluded corner of a hallway near the maid's closet. Somehow when he kept saying, "So what if anyone catches us? We'll never see these people again!" it was very convincing. BTW, I think of him often because he was born and raised in Sanford, FL, the town that has been in the news lately of their ridiculously awful police department. He said he couldn't wait to grow up and leave that town.
 

9. How would you handle yourself if you were regularly in the press and tabloids? Badly. That's one of the things I admire so about my all-time idol, JBKO. After leaving the White House she rarely gave interviews (two or three in more than 30 years) and never responded to anything that was written about her. What self control that must have taken! I'd have a regular seat on The View, every damn day, saying, "Listen, Whoopi, here's what really happened."

Again in March!

I reached my goal of 13 workouts for the third -- yes, third! -- month in a row. I still feel like the real me is trapped inside a fat moo-cow's body, which is bad. But this evening's accomplishment means fitness is becoming a part of my life, which is good.

This evening I worked until about 8:00 and then, sure that everyone had gone home (even the janitors), went and did my 25 minutes on the treadmill that's tucked away on the 40th floor. Did a few floor exercises, too.

There was a time, not that long ago, when I would have looked at my watch, seen that it read 8:00, said "fuck it" and come straight home. So while I don't think I'm exerting myself enough, and I'm still eating too many carbs, and I can still answer to "Fatty McFatterson" or "Peppermint Fatty," I am still giving myself this round of applause because I am making progress.

Everybody should have one

A Joey like mine, that is.

His heart is as big as his massive old gut. He loves to curl up beside me and make curly paws. And there is nothing more comforting than the sound of his purr. Which is loud, as befits a gentleman of his considerable size.

Trifecta

This weekend's challenge: Write a horror story in 33 words, without the words blood, scream, died, death, knife, gun, or kill. 

“I love high, sturdy ceiling beams,” he said appreciatively, knotting the bedsheet under her chin. “Don’t worry, you won’t leave a big mess behind. It will look like a simple suicide by hanging.” 

 

Here I was, all broke

It never fails -- this late in the pay period my bad planning catches up with me and I'm short.

So consider my delight this afternoon, when I came back from the ladies' room (where I was practicing good oral hygiene) I found my expense check for $86.16 on my keyboard. I know it's my own money, not a present, but considering the timing, I couldn't be happier.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #165

A TT Rewind from Five Years Ago ...

Thursday Thirteen #10 -- Rewatchable Reruns

Here are thirteen shows
THE GAL HERSELF
is happy to drop everything and watch again,
and again, and again.

Originally posted 3/29/07. Gawd, I can't believe how long I've been doing TT's!

1) Law & Order. You guys had me at, "In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."

2) Friends. Phoebe referring to Old Yeller as "a puppy snuff film." Chandler announcing that, "Joey's tailor is a very bad man!" Every episode has a memorable moment.

3) The Dick Van Dyke Show. "Oh, Rob …" How I wished my parents were as glamorous as Rob and Laura! I especially enjoyed the episodes where they sang songs like "Mountain Greenery" at their cool dinner parties. My mom and dad played pinochle with my friend's parents at the dining room table. Not quite the same, is it?

4) The Andy Griffith Show. But only the black and white ones with Barney.

5) The Brady Bunch. I have no idea why. It's achingly stupid. Yet I can't turn away.

6) I Love Lucy. I do. Love Lucy, I mean. Plus, I believe the Riccardo's apartment accounts for my fondness for exposed brick.

8) That Girl. The clothes. The hair. The handbags. The romance of New York City.

9) Sex & the City. The clothes. The hair. The handbags. The romance of New York City.

10) Magnum PI. Thomas is a rakish charmer and a much better detective than Higgins (appears) to give him credit for. The cast interacts beautifully, as though they really do have a history that reaches back to Nam.

11) M*A*S*H*. Anarchy and humanity and a ton of puns, all in a half hour comedy. It doesn't get any better than this.

12) Moonlighting. After Hawkeye left Korea, network TV was left with a dearth of smart ass heroes. Then David Addison Raybanned and smirked his way across our screens. Watching the DVDs, I realize that Cybill Shepard was more charming than I recalled.

13) Golden Girls. Wouldn't it be comforting to know that as we grow older we'll also grow warmer and funnier and we'll remain sexually active?

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

Enjoying her coffee

My mother loves coffee with milk, and that's what she got to have today. Along with chicken broth. Tomorrow her gastroenterologist is adding even more foods to her list. (Though I believe the list consists of stuff like tea, saltines and jello. But still!)

She's sooooo much better than she was over the weekend. I don't know why my sister painted our mom's condition in such a gloomy light. I'm sure I could have taken off for Williamsburg without incident.

But what's done is done. I'll book the trip again soon (maybe the week of the 15th). And it'll probably be better to go then, because I'll know beyond a doubt that she's better. By then she should even be home. I won't get my charming little house again. but oh, well.

Staying there couldn't possibly be as thrilling as watching my mom drink coffee with milk!

I Want Wednesday

I want to be looking back on this. Last night, when I went to sleep -- or, more accurately, was unable to sleep and watched a documentary on The Last Days of Elvis -- I was worried sick about my mother. I had made peace with canceling my vacation, but was sad because doing so felt like I was giving up on her, like I didn't have faith that she would pull through. I even called my friend from Key West, who graciously and kindly promised he would fly up and hold my hand through her funeral.

After all, my kid sister just told me last night there were "surgeons at the ready," and my mom is an old lady.

Well, this afternoon I called to check on my mother and she sounds so much better! She was very upset that I canceled my trip in preparation for her surgery because, well, there have been "surgeons at the ready" since she was admitted last Friday and every day that goes by makes surgery less likely, not more.

So now I am relieved, tired, and a little weepy. I want my mother home ... and if not home, then at least out of ICU. I want us to look back on how silly it was that I canceled my vacation for nothing. I want all this to just be a memory.

Well, at least now we know

My mother has ischemic colitis and has to stay in the ICU at least through the weekend. She is not in good shape, physically. It is hard for me to get my mind around this, since she is so alert and involved mentally.

There are surgeons monitoring her throughout the day, but hopefully surgery won't be necessary and her body will begin to repair itself. If she survives this, her diet will have to change radically.

She is where she needs to be. I am trying get my mind around this whole thing. It's hard.

Tomorrow I cancel my long-scheduled trip to Williamsburg. I am sad about this. Not only because I really could use the getaway, but because I feel like that, by canceling, I am giving up on my mom by admitting she might take a radical turn for the worse next week.

Call me "Narc"

Yesterday I spoke to my mom's nurse, letting her know that my mother doesn't want visitors to bring her magazines or flowers in the hospital, she wants Tums. And she convinced my kid sister to bring "a baggie full of them."

Sunday I thought my mother's passion for otc antacids was funny. First she asked me if I had any Tums. When I told her "no," she persisted, "In that big purse, you don't have any Tums? Are you sure?"

But then I read a little about Tums and, like aspirin or cold medicine, it's not completely harmless and could be interfering with her prescription meds. Not only that, it can exacerbate some of her symptoms -- including constipation and kidney problems.

I don't want my mother mad at me, so I asked the nurse not to name me as the source of this tip. But I want to help her get well!

Trifecta

This week's challenge: Check out the third definition of cheap (below), and use the word exactly as it appears, in no less than 33 and no more than 333 words.

3   a : of inferior quality or worth : tawdry, sleazy

     b : contemptible because of lack of any fine, lofty, or redeeming qualities 

It looked positively elegant, hanging there in the sun. The coat was a dark orange that reminded her of the leaves on the lawn in fall. It had chocolate brown buttons and was trimmed with golden fur.

Her grandma and big sister, Beth, were, as always, hand-in-hand as they went through the next rack of clothes.  They were looking at little t-shirts, more appropriate for the summer weather. But Tess was irresistibly drawn to the coat.

Grandma looked up and around, clearly annoyed. “Where is that girl?”

“Here I am, Grandma!” She called, standing proudly beside her find. “Look what I found! Isn’t it pretty? Look at the fur!”

“Geez, Tess! Your taste is so cheap. Let’s go!” As Grandma led Beth past the orange coat, Tess couldn’t miss her sister’s smirk.

“That’s not really fur. Not at a sidewalk sale,” Beth said. Her big sister was always more sophisticated. She was, after all, a woman of 9 to Tess’ mere 7½.

----------------------------

That long ago village sidewalk sale popped into Tess’ head decades later as she slipped into her favorite burnt orange car coat. Reminiscing about Grandma was never fun. There weren’t any Hallmark moments.

"Look at your knees! Tess, you could get dirty just standing still."
"Geez, Tess, do you have to drown your potatoes in gravy?" 

“Your voice is always too loud, Tess.”
"That's not music, Tess, it's noise."

“Don’t wear your hair like that, Tess. You have ugly ears.”
"How can you waste your time reading about pop stars, Tess?"
"Geez, Tess, stop jiggling your leg! Why can't you ever just sit still?"

Tess was 13 when her Grandma died. Today, thinking about the formidable older woman, Tess wanted to ask her, “How could a little girl annoy you so much? I was a child, for Christ’s sake. And I wanted to love you.”

Tess certainly remembered her grandmother. She just didn’t miss her.

Glad I went

Spent a couple of sunny Sunday hours with my mom in her hospital room. I brought this bear for her to cuddle while she's laid up. She gave him to me when I was a toddler and he was a fine, empathetic companion whenever I was sick. Seeing Pouting Bear again seemed to mean a lot to her, so I'm glad I did it.

My mom is very feisty because she's sleep-deprived and in a lot of pain. They still don't know what's wrong with her. Kidneys? Bowel obstruction? Bladder infection? Her GI specialist was out of town this weekend, but her GP (whom she loves) says that doctor's absence gave him a fine opportunity to get her hydrated and healthy in preparation for tests on Monday.

After chatting with her and meeting her nurses, I am more confident about leaving for my vacation on April 1. For while my mother is a sick old lady, I am nowhere near as worried about her as I was when she was battling COPD and pneumonia in Spring 2009. She is sharp and involved in her own care, and I'm confident that by the time I leave she will be diagnosed and will have a treatment plan in place.

It was also nice to see my niece again. She's in town this week for her early spring break, and she's like a tonic for my mother. A lot more take-charge than I am. I sat in the chair and interacted with nurses, while my niece fluffed pillows and checked IVs, etc. If she didn't know what she was doing (and I suspect she really doesn't), it didn't show!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Last March Meme

1. Which TV character do you think you are most like? As one who moved from administrative assistant to copywriter, and who has exhibited questionable taste in men, I'd have to say Peggy Olson. (Mad Men is back tonight!)

2) What time do you go to bed? Between 11:00 and ?

3) What was the last meal you made from scratch? You mean like catching a fish and gutting it? That would be never.

4) What is your favorite type of music? The Beatles

5) In what position do you sleep? On my left side

6) What is your first memory? Looking at the sun shine on my little fat hand, flat on a red ottoman. According to my mother, we had that chair/ottoman set only for a brief time, but it was in front of the picture window in the house where we lived until a little after my first birthday. Lest you think I have an extraordinarily sharp memory -- all I can recall is that split-second visual.

7) What is your least favorite smell? Coffee mixed with cigarettes! (Shudder!) I became the happiest woman on the planet when smoking inside planes and restaurants was banned.

8) It's your round at the pub and your friends asked you to surprise them. What drink would you buy and why? Lotus martini. Because it's blue.

9) What was the last thing you read/watched that made you cry? I cry easily at the movies. I admit I misted up as Uggie raced his heart out to save Georg in The Artist.

10) They say that you learn something new every day. What was the last thing you have learned? That DaVinci painted the Mona Lisa on wood (poplar), not a canvas, and consequently it is very susceptible to damage from heat and humidity. I got this from a book called Mona Lisa in Camelot.

11) Which Literary love interests would you snog, marry and avoid. Snog and marry? Professor Bhaer, Jo's suitor in Little Women. Or maybe Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre. Avoid? Heathclif from Wuthering Heights. He was just too damn much drama!

12) What is your oldest memory? Didn't I answer this already?

13) Paperback, Hardback or Kindle? Which of these is your favorite reading format and why? Hardcover, because it feels so permanent.

14) If you could bring back any canceled TV series for another run what would you pick and why? Cybill, because Christine Baranski's Mary Ann was such a gas.

15) Paperback, Hardback or Kindle? It's only been a few seconds since I answered #13. My answer hasn't changed in that time. :)