Saturday 9: Stuck in the Middle With You

1. In romance, have you ever been stuck in the middle with someone? I've been listening to this song for decades and it's never put me in the romantic mind set. "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you." So I always assumed "stuck in the middle" meant surrounded by people we just don't get. And yes, when my late uncle was alive, I got the idea that he and I were "stuck in the middle" together at every family gathering. We were somehow the family "outlaws," yet we understood one another easily enough. I miss him enormously.

2. Which current commercial is the currently most annoying to you on TV or radio? The Amy Sedaris/Mean Joe Greene Downy commercial. She's self-consciously cute and it annoys me. And yes, I get it. I saw the original Mean Joe Green Coke commercial when it first ran and as an adult I have heard how it was a breakthrough in celebrity endorsements. I just don't like Amy Sedaris. Leave me alone.

3. What do you think is the most difficult task when it comes to Spring cleaning? Getting started and staying with it.

4. What area is your expertise in? I write.

5. Have you ever bumped into a former lover and found out they were now gay or straight depending on your relationship with them? No.

6. When was the last time that you got stabbed in the back? Nothing springs to mind. Which is kinda nice, actually.

7. For a few years in a row, you receive a nice tax refund: do you make an adjustment with your payroll deduction so they’ll take less, or do you leave it that way so that you can continue to receive the big check every spring? I keep getting the big check in spring. It's kind of my enforced savings, and it goes paying for my mom's Medicare supplemental insurance and snow removal. (And if there's any left over, I buy purses.)

8. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life? (And do tell a bit, if comfortable) Yes. A coworker/boyfriend and I were supposed to be at a company function at a hotel and we got bored and crashed the dental convention down the hall. We were dressed nice, we had name tags, no one ever knew. Mad Men aside, the dentists had a far nicer open bar than our advertising agency did. And we got plowed. And carried away. In a secluded corner of a hallway near the maid's closet. Somehow when he kept saying, "So what if anyone catches us? We'll never see these people again!" it was very convincing. BTW, I think of him often because he was born and raised in Sanford, FL, the town that has been in the news lately of their ridiculously awful police department. He said he couldn't wait to grow up and leave that town.
 

9. How would you handle yourself if you were regularly in the press and tabloids? Badly. That's one of the things I admire so about my all-time idol, JBKO. After leaving the White House she rarely gave interviews (two or three in more than 30 years) and never responded to anything that was written about her. What self control that must have taken! I'd have a regular seat on The View, every damn day, saying, "Listen, Whoopi, here's what really happened."