How could this NOT lift my spirits?

My friend Kathleen threw a joint graduation party for both of her kids. Her daughter just graduated from 8th grade, and her son is graduating from high school this week.

Not perfect kids. Her son takes the village parking laws a bit too lightly and has the tickets to prove it. Her daughter surprisingly allows herself to be trapped by decades-old (centuries-old?) gender stereotypes, and hides how good she is at math because it's only for ugly girls and geeky boys. Her son has been known to treat his father with a touch of condescension, which causes more than a touch of tension in the house. Her daughter has been known to indulge in a bit of junior high school histrionics, making her own contribution to household tension.

But they are good kids. He has been a stellar student all through school, traveled with his class to Japan and had his choice of schools before he and his parents agreed on Fordham. Best of all, he's very involved with his church and every summer he's headed down south with hammer, paint and pail and helps rehab homes in distressed communities. She is very sensitive, capable of expressing herself eloquently through art. (Unusual for a math whiz, huh?) She also has a well-calibrated internal compass. Just recently a teacher reported to Kathleen that when asked what she'd do if her boyfriend encouraged her to drink, Kathleen's daughter told the class without hesitation, "I'd get a new boyfriend."

I wasn't going to go to this party. It was a big open house, it was mostly family (and Kathleen has a very big family) and I wouldn't know many people. I mentioned this to my best friend, also knows Kathleen, and he chastised me -- telling me to get over myself, get myself over there, and just make an appearance. I'm glad I listened to him. I was only there for a little more than an hour, just long enough to have a beer, mingle a little and bond a bit with Kathleen and her husband, but it lifted my spirits enormously.

On the way out, her son unashamedly and happily hugged me. It hit me then that it's been a privilege to watch these two wonderful kids grow up.

A call & more cause for concern

Had a nice long chat with my mom last night, and while she sounded sharp and healthy and happy, still I hung up feeling more than a little rattled.

Her gray cat, Ethel, has been peeing outside of the box. I talked my mom into taking her to the vet. Ethel's getting older, and if she has a painful bladder infection, it's easier, cheaper and kinder if it's caught early on. Turns out my mom was right -- Ethie's issues are "behavioral." She thinks it's funny that her long-haired girl has suddenly become such a diva in her old age. Then she told me she had to cash in some savings bonds I gave her last year to pay Ethel's $700 vet bill.

I gave her the bonds just in case of emergency. We're pet people, so to us this was an emergency. No sweat.

Then she told me that she's down to $40,000. For the rest of her life. She has a little money coming in from Social Security, but that's it. Especially since her most recent illness, she really shouldn't go back to work (she made about $200/month during the school year as a lunch mom).

Her house is paid for. In fact, that $40,000 is all that's left in her reverse mortgage. But she still has to maintain the house and yard and pay the property taxes. Then there's food and utilities.

She knows this isn't good, but she doesn't seem to be stressing about it. She's known how bad things are for a while and has become used to it.

I've known things were tough for her -- that's why I pay for Medicare Supplemental Insurance and snow removal -- but I didn't know it was this dire. And so I'm not "used to it" yet and am, indeed, stressing.

I simply have to work harder at belt tightening. My niece needs help paying for her special culinary summer school classes. My mom will undoubtedly need more help, and soon. And what if I lose my job? I'm over 50! I simply have to keep contributing to my retirement funds or I'll just be following in my mother's financial footsteps.

As I posted Friday, this Recession is with me all the time now. I know I'm not the only one -- probably everyone who reads this has money concerns of some sort. I have to let it go. I have to try to take it in stride, to change what I can and accept what I can't, to trust God and work off my stress with exercise (or housework, this place is a sty again).

I don't like you, but I love you

Ok, I don't love Carlos Zambrano either. He's a hot head whose impulse control is as bad as his control of the strike zone is good. But even though I believe he's a little lacking as a human being, he's a talented baseball player and tonight he won his 100th game, and got a home run, to boot.

So I may not like you or love you, but tonight, Carlos Zambrano, this old Cub fan appreciates you.

Still not used to it

Our office closes early on Fridays in summer. I used the extra time this afternoon to do my grocery shopping. On the way home, I saw that a local bakery is shuttered, with a sign in the window thanking the community for letting them serve us for more than 15 years.

Just last weekend I noticed three other stores had closed.

This is in addition to my former boss, who has been unemployed for more than six months now, and is worried about medical insurance. And the friend who has an advanced degree, an impressive resume and blue-chip references and still has been pounding the payment since March.

Oh yeah, and then there's me. I'm still worried about my own job security. After all, I'm in advertising in a tough economy, so joblessness just naturally hangs over my head like the Sword of Damocles.

So it's with me all the time -- this bad economy. Nationally unemployment is at 9.4%. Here in Cook County it's a little higher. Even though these are sad and sobering thoughts for a sunny Friday afternoon, I'm glad they haunt me. I'm glad that my grocery bag contained a box of Pasta Roni (fettucine alreado flavor) for the neighborhood food pantry.

As Bruce Springsteen likes to remind us, "In the end, nobody wins unless everybody wins." Every plant that closes and every little bakery that goes out of business means unemployment and no insurance and lots of worry and heartbreak for someone who is just like me. Next time it could be me, and I'd appreciate it if someone out there hurt a little bit for me, too.

Borrowed from Mo

You can find her at Inside Mo's Mind.

“This can be a quick one. Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.”

1) The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

2) Charlotte's Web by E. B. White

3) In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

4) JFK: Reckless Youth by Nigel Hamilton

5) To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

6) The Princess Bride by William Goldman

7) Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards

8) Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

9) Personal Injuries by Scott Turow

10) Pentimento by Lilliam Hellman

11) A Short Season by Jeannie Morris

12) Bang the Drum Slowly by Mark Harris

13) The Diary of Anne Frank

14) House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus

15) Oxygen by Carol Cassella

If you play along, let me know so I can see which books you chose.

I know what her public reaction would be

Without breaking her stride, she'd simply say, "No comment." Or maybe no one would have the cajones to ask her about this to her face. After all, the paparazzi who swarmed her only ever got photos, never answers. (WWJD -- What Would Jackie Do? -- is a game I play often because I remain in awe of her strength, composure, and ability to stylishly rise above even the worst situations.)

PORTLAND, Ore. — Police in Oregon say they’ve found graphic child pornography at the home of the half-brother to the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.

The search at the Ashland home of 62-year-old James Auchincloss occurred in October, according to the Ashland Daily Tidings, which first reported the story. No charges have been filed.

Calls by The Associated Press to Auchincloss were not returned.

The newspaper said Auchincloss, who has lived in Ashland since 1995 and serves on the board of Oregon Stage Works, declined to comment on what police found at his home, saying that it was “a matter for the courts.”

Thursday Thirteen #111 -- How Did You Know?

THIRTEEN THINGS
YOU CAN TELL
ABOUT ME BY
LOOKING AROUND MY OFFICE

I love that early scene in just about every Law & Order episode -- the one where the detectives go through the victim's home or office to find out about her life. Here are thirteen things Benson and Stabler would learn about me from my offfice.

1) I'm a Beatle fan. The big A Hard Day's Night poster is a good clue. I also have a "fab flashback" on my bulletin board: the boys splashing in the surf during their 1964 visit to Florida. Then there's the bumper sticker: Still Pissed at Yoko.

2) The Cute One is my favorite. On display you'll find a Paul pin, keychain, photo (silhouette of him holding his bass over and his head) and a full-page newspaper ad from 2006, honoring him for his Best Album Grammy nomination. I love the headline, "Perhaps no artist on earth has more reason to look back, yet never does."

3) I'm a loyal Cub fan. You'll be tipped off by my Cubs screen saver, the Wrigley Field snowglobe on my desk, and the Soriano bobblehead on my bookcase.

4) My beloved future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux is my favorite ballplayer. I have two photos of him as a Cub on my bulletin board, as well as my ticket stub for July 26, 2005, when I was there to see him make history by getting his 3000 strikeout.

5) I'm a doting aunt. In addition to framed school pictures of my niece and nephew, I have his original artwork -- a painting of flowers -- on display. (I can't tell which way is up on his painting, but he displays a good eye for color nonetheless.)

6) I must know the date! I have two calendars -- one on my wall (a fundraiser for The Tree House) and a day-at-time movie trivia calendar on my desk. (Today's trivia question: What movie involves bank robbers, Bolivia and Etta Place?)

7) I'm sloppy. Most of my desk is covered with paper. Just like most of my home is covered with paper. Someday I MUST get organized!

8) I work out at lunchtime. Nike gym bag over there in the corner.

9) I'm right handed. The mouse on the right of my laptop gives it away.

10) I obsess. Hence the sticker on my desklamp that says, "I will not obsess. I will not obsess. I will not obsess."

11) My blood pressure is 118/78 and my pulse is 68 beats per minute. My ticket from Lifesource, the one that says I have "acceptable physical findings" for donating blood, is right here next to my computer.

12) I care about the environment. At least I care enough to toss my paper garbage into the blue recycling bin at my feet.

13) I change my mind a lot. One look at my desk and you'll see I prefer pencils to pens, and that my pencils almost all have worn-away erasers. That's why there's a fabulous elephant grey eraser always at the ready.

To participate yourself, or to look up
more TT participants,
visit the new hub (thursday-13.com).

No offense, but you all annoy me

This week is proving to be slow, work wise. This makes me a little antsy. (Recession? Joblessness? Hel-lo!) However my two art directors handle the respite from work differently than I do. As evidenced just now as we responded to a client request for a revision.

One is a very nice and conscientious man, so when we're slow like this, he questions everything. Over and over. He wants to get it right. He wants to take this opportunity to learn the reasons why the client requests these revisions. All very laudable.

Except that it makes a 30-second conversation about the project take 20 minutes.

All the client wants us to do is make one specific legal disclosure on the back of the brochure one point size bigger. It's not a big deal. You have no idea how not a big deal this is. Since I thought just one disclosure being bigger than the others on the same page would look dorky, and since making them all bigger would be easier, I asked him to make all the disclosures bigger.

His response: Why? Why must the 123 disclosure be bigger? Can we get away with making just the 123 disclosure bigger? Why? WHY?

My thought bubble: Dear Lord, shoot me now.

However my response is to ask the other art director, who sits beside him in their art director bullpen, how it would look with just the 123 disclosure bigger. After all, she has more experience with these brochures and disclosures than he does. But it was a mistake to draw her into this. You see, having extra time on her hands doesn't make her more conscientious, like him, or more agitated, like me. She really enjoys it.

So her response to me was, "I don't know."

My thought bubble: How can you not know? You've been doing this very think for more than four fucking years here! Close your email, quit watching Hulu and help us!

My verbal response: Oh, I guess it doesn't really matter because we're making all the disclosures one point size bigger. Thanks anyway!

Revealing myself as the impatient, frustrated bitch I am would not be helpful. Still, I wonder if my chipper demeanor looks as fake as it feels ...

Class & sensitivity from an unexpected source

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin issued a wise and soothing statement Tuesday about the murders of Dr. George Tiller and army recruiter William Long.

"The stories of two very different lives with similar fates crossed through the media's hands yesterday -- both equally important but one lacked the proper attention. The death of 67-year old George Tiller was unacceptable, but equally disgusting was another death that police believe was politically and religiously motivated as well. William Long died yesterday. The 23-year old Army Recruiter was gunned down by a fanatic; another fellow soldier was wounded in the ambush. The soldiers had just completed their basic training and were talking to potential recruits, just as my son, Track, once did. Whatever titles we give these murderers, both deserve our attention. Violence like that is no way to solve a political dispute nor a religious one. And the fanatics on all sides do great disservice when they confuse dissention with rage and death."

Believe me, this is something I never thought I'd say, but thank God for Gov. Palin.

Greetings from She Who Displays Bad Judgement

You'll be pleased to know there were no negative ramifications from my liquid lunch. (See post below.) No, let me rephrase: there were no negative professional ramifications from my liquid lunch. I laid low, filing and (appearing as though I was) researching until the baby shower at 3:00.

Then I had a humongous piece of cake with frosting and a Coke. Then, for reasons no longer clear to me, I had another piece of cake. And popcorn because someone else was having it and I liked the smell.

Then I don't know what happened. Sugar crash? Buzz kill? I was filled with self-loathing which could only be cured by one thing -- exercise.

We have a rudimentary workout room here in the agency -- a couple treadmills, a stationery bike, and weights. Not much floor space and no mats, but nice shower facilities. Back in days gone by, I would have used the "no machines/no floormats" excuse to dismiss working out here, and the "I can't miss the game!"* excuse for not working out either at the downtown club or the one at home. But because I had to cleanse my conscience, and because I really am dedicated to getting back into shape, I decided to "make do" with the workout room here. I did a half hour on the treadmill and (without floor mats, like the pioneer women did!) some leg lifts and sit ups while watching the game. I feel a little better about myself.

*But not the Cubs! How does a no-hitter into the 7th become a 5-5 tie in the 10th? C'mon, Boys in Blue! Shut 'em down and let's go home!

Uh-oh

Psst! Don't tell anyone, but I had a teeny-tiny touch too much wine with lunch today. (Had to! It was the only way to distract me from how awful the tuna salad was!) Fortunately the only meeting I have to attend this afternoon is just a baby shower for a coworker, so if you all don't tell, I think my secret will be safe.

An(other) open letter to Sir Paul McCartney

I see you are playing Nova Scotia in July. Why don't you come here to Chicago to see me?

Yes, I know I made a slobbering, lust-filled fool of myself over Bruce Springsteen last month, but I promise you, compared to the twitterpated fool I make of myself over you, that was nothing.

So THIS is how we reward good behavior?

I have lost 5 lbs. Simply by moving more and monitoring what I shove into my pie hole (no pie, but plenty of other yummy foods). I am feeling proud and inspired and ready to make June another productive month of loss.

So imagine my surprise when I visited The Daily Plate and found that in exchange for my success, I am now allowed 40 calories less a day! Lance Armstrong, you bastard!

Wait, wait, wait. Calm down, Gal. What is 40 calories, exactly? 5 baby carrots. Or 1 cup of turnips. Or 2 cups of radishes.

I know I can manage to make it through each day with 5 fewer baby carrots, 1 cup fewer turnips, or even 2 cups less radishes. It won't even take any self restraint!

I wish I'd known long ago how uncomplicated the secret to a healthier lifestyle is -- move more, eat less. If you need help sticking with it, again I recommend livestrong.com, the home of The Daily Plate.

A man is dead. She is silent.

I just visited Ann Coulter's website. I wanted to see what she had to say about the murder of Dr. George Tiller. As of 4:45 CST, she had nothing to say.

Could it be her natural discretion and sensitivity? After all, a man was gunned down inside his church on the Sabbath. His wife was nearby, preparing to perform with the church choir. Could the gravity of those two last sentences weigh on Ann Coulter's soul?

No, don't think so. Miss Ann is one of those "Christians" who have twisted and perverted my religion to her own devices, using her "Christianity" as a hammer to beat up and muddy the reputations of those she doesn't agree with. At a conference entitled "Reclaiming America for Christ," she weighed in:

Coulter’s rhetoric was no less violent. In describing the murders of doctors and health care personnel who worked at abortion clinics, Coulter said the victims had been shot, “…or, depending on your point of view, had a procedure performed on them with a rifle.”

More recently she named today's murder victim, Dr. Tiller, specifically. In ranting about Notre Dame's invitation to President Obama to speak at commencement, she helpfully suggested, "Being such a prestigious institution, Notre Dame could probably get famed partial-birth abortion practitioner George Tiller to do the demonstration at next year's graduation. Obama could help -- inasmuch as Tiller the abortionist is a close friend of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius."

I take my relationship with Jesus very seriously. When I've been sexually active I've been overly conscientious about protected sex -- not because of AIDS, but because I feared an unwanted pregnancy more. I personally do not believe in abortion. But I believe in secular government, the separation of Church and State, and each woman's right to make that choice for herself.

That said, I can state this with a very clear conscious:
This bitch is a horror with blood on her hands.

Fortunately for Ann, the God I worship is a loving God who forgives her. I only hope this wretched bitch can somehow forgive herself.

While I'm not good enough to forgive her, I hope that the toxic rhetoric on the sensitive subject of choice is dialed down. Please, please, please. This kind of thing has to stop.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Monkey's Meme

1. Name one person who made you smile today: My oldest friend. She knew that I needed to know that Jim Carrey, Sean Penn and Benicio del Toro are going to play The Three Stooges. Really.

2. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Soaking in the tub.

3. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Reading one of the ten thousand articles on Jon and Kate's marital difficulties. Those 8 adorable Gosselin kids are like crack and I'm hooked. I hope they come out of all this OK.

4. What is your favorite candy bar? Butterfinger

5. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes, a bachelorette party at The Sugar Shack. Most memorable moment: in the car going home, when one of the bridesmaids denied letting one of the dancers put his tongue down her throat, but had to recant when confronted with photographic evidence. Two words: Awk ward.

6. What was the last thing you had to drink? Can of Classic Coke.

7. What was the last thing you ate? Rib tips. Yum.

8. The last sporting event you watched? The Cubs, led by Ryan Dempster and Reed Johnson, kicked Dodger ass.

9. Do you go to church every Sunday? Not every Sunday. My relationship with the Lord is very personal -- sometimes worshiping in public feels right, sometimes it doesn't. I can't explain it beyond that.

10. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? No.

11. What are you doing tomorrow? Monday I am finishing my portion of a Customer Relationship Marketing presentation. It's actually more interesting than it sounds.

12. What do you think of when you hear Australia? Hugh Jackman. Isn't that what everyone thinks of?

13. Biggest annoyance right now? Myself. This place just grows paper, and I can't keep up with it.

14. Last song listened to? "Mary's Place" by BROOOOOOOOOCE.

15. Do you have a maid service clean your house? I did, but I cut it as an extravagance. Sigh. The maid service did a much better job on the mirrors and chrome than I do.

16. Are you jealous of anyone? Gawd, yes!

17. Is anyone jealous of you? I don't know.

18. What do you usually do during the day? See #11. I come up with effective, efficient ways to sell stuff.

19. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? No. That surprises me, actually.

20. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yes.

A sobering note on a sunny day

The sky was blue, the trees were green and I had the Cubs vs. Dodgers was coming in through my headphones. I enjoyed my walk through and around town ... for the most part.

But I was saddened to see three additional stores shuttered. One was a wine store, another was an insurance office, and the third was a T Mobile franchise. It seems that every time I go off wandering, I find that another small business is gone.

This Recession is brutal.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Uninvited

1. Do you mind people to show up uninvited? YES!!!! I'm a slob and need notice to "straighten" things up.

2. Last person you talked to on the phone? My best friend.

3. Last person on your missed call list? Likewise. (#2 was me returning his call.)

4. Who calls you the most? My mom.

5. What is your favorite song about breaking up? "In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning." It's an oldie, but some things don't change.

6. If someone sent you an unexpected gift, what would you like it to be? A Visa Gift Card. It would be like found money.

7. Your classic rock station plays the top songs of all time. What is number one? "Lady Madonna."

8. Do you live for today or tomorrow? Tomorrow. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. I'm working on staying "in the moment" more.

9. What movie villain scared you as a kid? James Stewart in The Greatest Show on Earth. He wasn't a villain at all, really: A doctor unjustly accused of murdering his wife who escapes prosecution by joining the circus and never, ever removing his makeup. I was a little girl when I saw it and completely missed the "unjustly accused" part. I was just terrified of what I thought was his pointy, "I just killed me wife" smile.

I'm not making this up!

Last night, in celebration of my best friend's birthday, we hung around in the hotel bar for a while, consuming a platter of mini-sliders while he caught the end of the Denver-LA play-off game. (It was his celebration, so he got to make all the decisions.) Then we moved on to Eno, the wine/cheese/chocolate salon located in his hotel. We closed the place.

At Eno, you sample a flight of cheeses or chocolates, along with wine paired specifically for your selections. Since we were celebrating a birthday -- and chocolate is closer to conventional cake and ice cream than cheese is -- we stuck with the chocolate. After reviewing the menu and the samples in the display case, I decided that I had to have the caramel apple cinnamon truffle, centerpiece of a recently-added chocolate flight. (I was right, it was divine!) Included in that flight were a fine, but not that memorable truffle and ... are you ready for this? -- a bacon and dark chocolate truffle.

I've been carefully tracking my eating at The Daily Plate, but yesterday I didn't even bother. Yes, that online food diary has the calorie and nutrition listings for many, many dishes, but I bet not even they know how to calculate a dessert that consisted of bacon and dark chocolate and champagne.

Really. Who knew such a thing even existed?

Thursday Thirteen #110 -- Why I Can't Afford that House by the Sea

THIRTEEN ADSENSE ADS THAT
HAVE RECENTLY GRACED THIS BLOG

When I first began blogging, three years ago, I signed up for Adsense because I wanted the free counter you get in exchange for space on your blog. Not long thereafter I discovered Statcounter, which costs money but digs so much deeper than the Adsense counter did. So while I abandoned the Adsense counter, I never removed the ads. Just never thought of it.

Until I noticed the Monetize tab on Blogger Dashboard. I clicked to see what this old blog has earned me over these past three years.

$5.31

Why, that's more than $1.75/year!

I don't mean to sound snobby or anything, but that's never going to be enough to help my household budget. So I began monitoring the Adsense ads that appear on my site. Usually I understand the connection between their ad and my content, sometimes I don't. Here are 13 of the most recent. (I am going to keep my day job.)

1) Weight loss tips
2) Bruce Springsteen tickets
3) Watch the Cubs game from a Wrigley Field rooftop
4) Fun kids' haircuts
5) Empire Beauty School
6) Stella McCartney's clothes
7) Cubs tickets at MLB.com
8) Medshape Diet
9) First Rule of a Flat Stomach
10) Cleanse pounds away
11) End binge eating
12) Dr. Oz' cellulite cure
13) Stolen vehicle delivery

To participate yourself, or to look up
more TT participants,
visit the new hub (thursday-13.com).

We have a plan!

My best friend is in town today through Friday AM, and we're having a late dinner tonight. I haven't seen him in nearly six months! Sure we've spoken and of course we have emailed, but this is the first time I've been in the same room with him since there was snow on the ground. And that is simply too long.

Since his birthday is in just a couple of weeks, I'm giving him his gifts in person. First, I was shocked to hear that he has never seen The Godfather from start to finish, and that's just sick and wrong. So I got him the DVD. Since he's such a foodie, I also got him this cookbook because it's by a chef he's mentioned and barbecue season is almost upon us. It also gives him the opportunity to cook a special Italian meal before settling down with the Corleones. (I love birthdays.)

Heads or Tails #22 -- Starts with A

The first thing that came to mind is one of my all-time favorite Barenaked Ladies songs:

"A"

A is for angry, which is what you are at me
A is for adult, which is what I'll never be
A is for applesauce, my favorite meal
A is for Adam, which is how I sometimes feel;
Like I'm the only man on Earth, and I've forgotten what that's worth
A is for Arthur, he's a lovable drunk
A is amazing, like Thelonius Monk
A is for argument, A is for apparent
A is for antagonism that's not even there and
it's just you begging for attention or something I won't even mention

And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go

A is for algebra, I learned it in school
A is what Fonzie said, 'cause he was very cool
A is for adversary, A is for affection
A is arousal, you are giving me an erection
C'mon I'm trying to show affection for longer than a half an hour

And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go

I met a woman I used to know
Long before you, long ago
All I could say, after hello
Was "are you still single?"
A is for attitude I can't help but wield
A is for arrogance; emotional shield
A is for acting, A is for abhorrently
A is for asshole, which is what I am, how rude of me.
I owe you an apology I'm sorry

And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go

If you'd like to play along with Heads or Tails, click here.

I can't ignore it any longer

My Cubs, my Cubs, my Cubs. What's going on within The Friendly Confines is not good. We're in the midst of an 8-game losing streak, which I thought would screech to a halt when the road trip ended. Alas, it didn't.

It's times like this when I really love Lou. Piniella has remained upbeat when discussing his team and their "struggles" with the press, and he's encouraging the players to focus on the positive, to try to learn from the successful at bats and not fixate on the strike outs, ground outs, fly outs, etc.

He's right, of course. It's 160+ game season, and while losing 8 in a row is never good, it's not worth climbing out onto the ledge over ... at least not yet.

The results are in!

My best friend completed his 10k race this morning, and his times were posted online. He came in squarely in the middle of the pack, only 3 minutes faster than his time last year.

This confused me.

He's been training for months, and training hard. He joined a health club and had a specific training regimen developed by his personal trainer. He even worked out while he and his wife celebrated their second honeymoon in Hawaii! His goal was to finish the race in less than an hour.

Not only did he not come in at less than an hour, he only picked up 3 minutes? Over last year's time, when he didn't prepare at all?

As I perused the entire race results, it all became clear to me. For there was someone else with his last name, from his suburb, with his exact time. Seems his 11-year-old daughter decided to join him and it looks like he matched pace with her. (For her age group, she came in the top 1/3.)

I haven't heard from him yet regarding the race, but I hope he considers it the triumph it was. He's a very good man.

Thank you, Adam Lambert

Yes, I was Team Lambert from Day 1. Yes, I loved most of his performances, esp. "Feeling Good." Yes, I realize he's gay and no, I don't care.

But one of the best things about Adam Lambert is his smile. Watching him during the finale reminded me it's time to use my bleaching tray again. He has inspired me to work toward a twinkly white and bright smile again.

Icky Nightmare

Saturday night I had a memorable, shitty nightmare. I don't want to have it again, so I'm hoping that this blog entry will vaccinate me!

I'm at my mother's house. I think this is back in the days when we all lived there. Or maybe it's a holiday, like Christmas, when I have occasionally spent the night. My favorite grandma (who died in 1997) was there, so that confuses the timeline a bit.

It's pre-dawn. For some reason, I'm looking out the picture window and am not sure, but I think I see foul play in front of the apartment building across the street. One man appears to be stabbing another beside a car. I saw the perpetrator's elbow go back, and I could have sworn I saw the knife in his hand.

I am horrified and turn away. Yet when I look back, the car is gone, and only the man who had the knife remains. I'm sure I must have been mistaken and go off to do something else. I look back at the window and there he is, looking into my mother's front window! Apparently I have witnessed something nefarious, and the man behind it wanted to know more about me.

I grabbed the phone beside my mom's sofa and dialed 911. I couldn't get through! It was terribly frustrating and scary. I hung up and redialed, over and over. By the time the police finally showed up, he was gone.

Time is telescoped and I'm testifying in court against the man I now know stabbed (but didn't kill). I'm telling my story, reporting what I witnessed, and am very frustrated and embarrassed because the defense attorney makes me look like I'm lying.

I wake up feeling unsettled, wondering why no one was there to help at the time, and why no one believed me in court, and how of all people Burt Reynolds ended up being the perp's dad.

According to dreammoods: The knife crime may indicate feelings of inadequacy or defensiveness … not being able to get through to the police suggests I "have yet to acknowledge my own authoritativeness in a situation" … court could represent a situation that brings me "distress and worry."

No word on the meaning of a cameo by Burt Reynolds.

Because the dream is set in my mother's house, because I am witnessing the action and not the catalyst, I suspect this is about my weird sister's weird but blissfully brief return home.

Permission to whine, please

My mother and older sister have a complicated relationship. They always have. I could go into a lot of detail, but I'll spare you. Quick explanation -- each is disappointed in the other.

My sister, barely a year older than I, never felt my mother gave her enough attention. Not when we were babies, not when we were teenagers, and not now. She has been a colicky, restless baby, a troubled teen and a calamitous adult in an attempt to gain my mother's undivided attention. Unfortunately, my mother has two other children, so she has always been unable to fill my sister's bottomless need for maternal love. I also have to admit that the older we become, the less attractive my sister's quest for attention becomes.

For her part, my mother does not approve of my older sister's parenting abilities. Sis' oldest child, her son, is the apple of my mom's eye and it bothers my mother that my sister is never satisfied with him or his accomplishments. Sis' youngest child, her daughter, is a cutter who has run away and attempted suicide. This has broken my mother's heart.

So why does this incite me to whine?

Most of the time, unless my sister is doing something directly to me, I try to ignore/avoid/forget her. We're in our 50s now, and this sibling rivalry is beyond old. My sister and I live 2000 miles apart, and it's easy for me to rise above the fray and just go on with my own life.

But every once in a while, like now, I am forced to listen to my mother rhapsodize and glow about my older sister. Right now it's this man (but in the past it's been "that man" or "this job" or "that new house" or "the new baby" ...) who will make it possible for my sister to stop lying, become unselfish, and forget her troubles c'mon, get happy.

Listening to this is hard because this time won't be any different than 2001, or 1997, or 1992, or 1988, or … My older sister will do something hostile or stupid or just plain nuts that will break my mom's heart once again. And now that my mom's heart is nearly 75, I really wish this wouldn't happen, and I really, really don't want to hear about it. Not my mom's steadily escalating hopes, and certainly not the sudden crash when reality and/or my older sister's true nature rears its ugly head once more.

But I keep my mouth shut. Much as I want to whine, I don't. (Except to this blog, of course.) This dance is really between my mom and my older sister. They began it before I was born, after all. When I'm forced to think about it, I'll try to remind myself that my mom is, after all, a woman. As flawed as she is strong, facing the end of her life as best she can, just as she raised me the best she could.

And look how well I came out!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing A to Z


A
• Are you available? Depends on who is asking.
• What is your age? 51.
• What annoys you? People who take up too much space. Why does your briefcase deserve it's own seat on the train? Did you buy a ticket for it? And why is your iPod and water bottle taking up valuable bench space in the locker room?

B
• Do you know anyone named Billy? My beloved cat. He was a gigantic, purebred ragdoll (similar to this handsome gent). A gentle, melancholy soul, I miss him every day.
• When is your birthday? November 22.
• Who is your best friend? The one who is running in the Bolder Boulder tomorrow!

C
• What's your favorite candy? It changes. Right now, Butterfingers.
• Crush? It changes. Right now, BROOOOOOOOOCE.
• When was the last time you cried? Watching Marley & Me last week.

D
• Do you daydream?: All day, every day. Just call me "Sleepy Jean."
• What's your favorite kind of dog? Shelter rescue
• What day of the week is it? Why do you want to know? Do you think I was hit in the head with a hockey puck?

E
• How do you like your eggs? Over easy.
• Have you ever been in the emergency room? Yes. Though not in about 10 years.
• Ever pet an elephant? Not only petted him, I rode him! At the San Diego Zoo. Great fun, but not comfortable.

F
• Do you use fly swatters? No. I have three cats. Airborne bugs don't stand a chance.
• Have you ever used a foghorn? No.
• Is there a fan in your room? Yes.

G
• Do you chew gum? No.
• Do you like gummy candies? No.
• Do you like gory movies? No.

H
• How are you? Lazy
• What's your height? 5'2
• What color is your hair? Reddish brown

I
• What's your favorite ice cream? Mint chocolate chip
• Have you ever ice skated? Yes, and I suck at it.
• Ever been in an igloo? No

J
• What's your favorite Jelly Bean? The green ones
• Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke? Yes
• Do you wear jewelry? Two rings, wristwatch and earrings

K
• Who do you want to kill? Right now, no one. Amazing, huh?
• Have you ever flown a kite? No.
• Do you think kangaroos are cute? Yes.

L
• Are you laidback? At home, yes. At work, no.
• Lions or Tigers? Why the capitalization? Are you asking about the critters or the sports teams?
• Do you like black licorice? No.

M
• Favorite movie as a kid? Mary Poppins
• Ever shopped at Moosejaw? No.
• Favorite store at the mall? Carson's. (Or Bergner's, depending on where you live.)


N
• Do you have a nickname? Goodness, I have many. My friend Chad bestows and revises them easily.
• What's your favorite number? 7
• Do you prefer night or day? No

O
• What's your one wish? To be peaceful
• Are you an only child? No
• Do you like the color orange? Sure

P
• What are you most paranoid about? Suffering through an airplane crash
• Piercings? One on each ear
• Do you know anyone named Penelope? Not anymore. (The one I did know died.)

Q
• Are you quick to judge people? I can be. Not my best quality.
• Do you like Quaker Oats? Yes.
• Know anyone that makes quilts? No.
• Do you think you're always right? Think? No. I'm POSITIVE.
• Do you watch reality TV? Well, the Jon & Kate marathon is on right now.
• Reason to cry? Sad critters.

S
• Do you prefer sun or rain? Sun
• Do you like snow? Yes
• What's your favorite season? Autumn

T
• time is it? After noon
• What time did you wake up? 7:30

U
• Can you ride a unicycle? No.
• Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I can't think of anyone right now, but I'm sure I do.
• Uncles do you have? 2.5. (My aunt married a man I've never met, so he's .5)

V
• What’s the worst vegetable? Broccoli
• Did you ever watch Veggie Tales? No
• Ever considered being vegan? No

W
• What's your worst habit? Lazy, lazy, lazy
• Do you like water rides? Yes
• Ever been inside a windmill? No

X
• Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes
• Ever used a Xerox machine? Yes

Y
• Do you like the color yellow? Yes
• What year were you born in? 1957
• Do you yell when you're angry? Of course not. (Tee hee)

Z
• Do you believe in the zodiac? I'm firmly on both sides
• What's your zodiac sign? Scorpio
• When was the last time you went to the zoo? Two years ago

Behold my downfall

Each packet is only 90 calories of airy, salty goodness. Thing of it is, there are 6 packets to a box, and today I've eaten all 6. I must never buy these again.

Zach is gonna be a babe someday

Zach is a towheaded preschooler who accompanied his mother into the women's locker room, and was promptly ignored by her. He was wandering about, a towel tied loosely (like thisclose to why bother) around his waist, bored. He stopped next to me, watching intently as I blow dried my short mop. He intercepted the dryer as I moved to put it back in the holder. I watched as he began blowing his own hair dry while admiring his reflection because I wanted to make sure he didn't accidentally put the dryer on "hot" and burn himself. Then I moved back to my locker to put my shoes and socks on. He was still within my sight, though.

I found out his name was Zach when his mother started calling out to him, finally inquiring as to where he was. He didn't answer, of course. I don't know if he couldn't hear over the hum of the dryer, or if he was too entranced by his own reflection, but Mom went unanswered. I was surprised that she didn't just come looking for him. But I didn't see her come around until I was done packing up my gym clothes! She was fully dressed, fully made up, ready to go, and seemed pissed that he was still mostly naked ... but with truly terrific blow dried hair.

How did she know I wasn't a perv, watching her son? How could she be sure he didn't slip on the wet tile? Get an unexpected sex ed class watching strange women dress? Or scorch his sensitive little skull with the blow dryer? She couldn't. Maybe I'm over protective because I'm barren spinster, but it was everything in me not to bark at that mom. If she's not going to watch him, to keep him with her, why not just send him into the men's locker room?

Any little boy who is so into doing his hair is going to be a heartbreaker some day.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Hot Fun in the Summertime

1. Is summer your favorite season? Why? No. I enjoy that the days are longer, but I really don't do heat well. People who whine about Chicago winters forget how humid and brutal Chicago summers can be.

2. Do you exercise more in the summer because you wear less clothing? I plan on exercising more and the less clothing does have an impact. Not because I look forward to showing more skin, but when I workout at lunchtime less clothes means it's easier to get dressed and I can make it back to work faster.

3. Do you enjoy tanning or are you more concerned about the dangers of basking in the sun? I'm a very pale old gal, and I don't tan, I only burn. And yes, I am very wary of sun damage.

4. You are on the beach when a waiter appears for your drink order. What do you ask for? Strawberry margarita. With salt. Thank you.

5. Do you camp in the summertime? No. I'm not one for camping.

6. What was your favorite summer vacation as a kid? I enjoyed our trip to Washington DC when I was 8. I especially enjoyed the view from the top of the Washington Memorial.

7. Do you enjoy sleeping outdoors? No.

8. Do you throw a summer barbecue every year? No. I don't have a balcony or a yard of my own. But, to be honest, even if I did, I wouldn't throw a barbecue.

9. Have you ever been to a nude beach? If yes, what did you think? Not a nude beach but a swimsuit-optional hotel pool. I was surprised (and a little disappointed) by how not sexy it was.

Let's Hear It for Me!

It's only the 22, and I have already met my exercise goal of 13 workouts in May! I'm celebrating, toasting myself with a mimosa, because I deserve it. I feel very accomplished. I will surpass my own fitness goal and when I weigh myself at the end of the month, I am confident I will weigh less than I did at the beginning.

I'm also celebrating that it's been easier than I dreamed it would be. In the recent past I allowed myself to be confused by all the information out there. (Are carbs good or bad? How much protein do I need? Is it fat or trans fat I must avoid?) If I had understood how simple the basic tenants really are -- move more, eat less -- I would have done this ages ago!

Who knew?

When I was a kid, Bill Kurtis was Chicago's premier anchorman. He was known for the hard news -- he let channel 7 do The Happy Talk. He brought a lot of important stories into our living room, including the 1968 Democratic Convention, The Tylenol Murders, Richard Speck's trial, the term of Chicago's only female mayor, Jane Byrne and the ascent of Harold Washington.

Which is why his AT&T Laptop Connect commercials with Michael Phelps, Andy Roddick and especially Floyd Mayweather are such a surprise. Bill Kurtis is funny!

Speaking of the President

President Barack Obama bends over so the son of a White House staff member can pat his head during a family visit to the Oval Office May 8, 2009. The youngster wanted to see if the President's haircut felt like his own. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

What the fu...

Thursday Dick Cheney gave a speech on national security, timed to begin right after President Obama finished an address on the same subject so that Cheney could get equal, unfettered network coverage.

Why? There is only one Pope, only one Heavyweight Champion of the World, and one President at a time. Today the President is Barack Obama. Why should Cheney's thoughts be given the same authority? Dick Cheney not only isn't President, he never was President.

I don't want to hear about Cheney's national security cred. Bush-Cheney had been in office for more than 8 months when Al-Queda hit the World Trade Center. Cheney wasn't protecting me when those planes were headed for the Twin Towers.

I don't want to live in a torture state. Neither do 240,000 of my neighbors who stood beside me last November in Grant Park, when we listened to Barack Obama's acceptance speech. Nationally Barack Obama won 365 electoral votes. The country wants to turn the page on the fear-mongering and the arrogance of the last eight years.

This man personifies fear-mongering and arrogance. Why can't he just borrow a page from Mondale and Quayle and shut up?

If I were to steal a meme …

… it would be from Kwizgiver!

If I were a direction I’d be… left-to-center
If I were furniture I’d be… my green sofa
If I were a liquid I’d be… Classic Coke
If I were a sin I’d be… sloth
If I were a gem/stone I’d be… lapis
If I were a metal I’d be… aluminum
If I were a tree I’d be… a maple
If I were a fruit I’d be… a grape
If I were a flower I’d be… a snapdragon
If I were weather I’d be… sunny, dry, and never over 75º
If I were a musical instrument I’d be… a piano
If I were an element I’d be… wind
If I were a color I’d be… green

If I were an animal I’d be… an okapi (isn't she great?)

If I were a sound I’d be… a cat's purr

If I were a lyric I’d be… "Shall I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to, I will." ("I Will" from The White Album)


If I were a song I’d be… "The Authority Song" by John Mellencamp
If I were a music type I’d be… pop
If I were a perfume/cologne I’d be… Lovely
If I were a feeling I’d be… rolling with it
If I were a book I’d be… a biography
If I were food I’d be… a cheeseburger in paradise
If I were a city I’d be… beside an ocean or a Great Lake
If I were a taste I’d be… cinnamon
If I were a scent I’d be… light and powdery
If I were a word I’d be… gubernatorial, because it's so much to say
If I were a verb I’d be… laughing
If I were an object I’d be… a freshly-sharpened pencil
If I were a piece of clothing I’d be… jeans
If I were a body part I’d be… a foot, feeling pretty after a pedi
If I were an facial expression I’d be… amused
If I were a cartoon character I’d be… Bugs Bunny (or Bullwinkle)
If I were a movie I’d be… a tearjerker
If I were a geometrical figure I’d be… a rectangle
If I were one of the 4 seasons I’d be… autumn
If I were a sentence I’d be… "But see, here's the thing."

If you play along, let me know so we can compare answers.