When did we all get so freaking sensitive?

Scott Lee Cohen, the freshly-minted Democratic nominee for Illinois Lt. Governor, is refusing to step down. He doesn't feel that the 2005 arrest for assaulting his girlfriend, or a prostitute, or his prostitute/girlfriend (it's getting confusing) is reason for moving aside.

I don't know how we're going to get him off the ticket, or even if we can, so right now it looks like Democrats will lose both a Senate seat and the Governor's Mansion here in Illinois.

The newspapers are full of stories about Mr. Cohen's indiscretions today -- Thursday, two full days after the election. It would have been nice if they had run these stories before we went to the polls.

We've been down this road together before, she & I

Babs and me.

I first discovered her when I was in high school. The 1970s. After the Beatles had broken up and the world was listening to disco and soft rock shit. I took refuge in the two classic albums I refer to as, "The Runs" (Band on the and Born to) and Streisand. Her music and her movies were a revelation to me.

Uncompromising in her art, always going her own way, tough and vulnerable and sincere, she was a terrific role model for me then ... and now.

I'm feeling isolated, misunderstood and overworked. I'm tired -- no, make that weary -- as I settle in to my 50s. Then I look at her. Oscars, Emmies, Grammies, Tonies, lifetime achievement awards and even a Peabody. Last year, with Love Is the Answer, at age 67 she not only outsold Mariah Carey (who released a CD the same day), she became the only artist to have a #1 album/CD in five different decades.

A troubled childhood and on-going family issues, divorce, broken romances, splintered relationships, failures along the way, bad press, bad reviews, "Shut up and sing" ... she survived it all. Perhaps because she keeps going. Learning from her mistakes (you can hear that hard-won wisdom in her songs), but ploughing ahead. Like an indomitable Energizer Bunny.

I've been listening to her a lot these past few days. I know I can count on her to help me through this rough patch.

But I'm trying to lower my cholesterol!

You Are Chicken Fried Steak

You are bold and fearless. You tend to think big, and that includes eating big. If you're going to go out to eat, then you're going to order something amazing. No salads for you! You live in the now. You figure the future is uncertain, so you might as well just make the best of today. You don't believe in moderation or holding back. You just go for it, consequences be damned.

What Kind of Diner Food Are You?

I first discovered this "Blogthing" over at Endomental.

Bruce Willis scratched me

He didn't mean to. He was giving me a back rub. He was late 80's-David Addison vintage Bruce Willis.

It was a dream, of course. I just wish I could remember more of it.

It was about Blago

Regardless of what the national press insists, the Illinois primaries had nothing, NOTHING to do with Barack Obama. Both of the major races -- Governor and Senate -- were seriously impacted by Rod Blagojevich.

1) When he was impeached and tossed from office, Blago left his Lt. Governor, Pat Quinn, a fiscal mess of epic proportions. Worse, Quinn was blind-sided about much of it because during much of his last term, Blago wouldn't talk to anyone but his staff.

2) The open Senate seat is the one that Blago (allegedly) tried to sell -- it's "fucking golden," after all -- and may have been purchased by Roland Burris.

3) Tony Rezko, one of Blago's best buds, has donated money to every politician in Illinois. It would be only a slight exaggeration to say that Rezko money may have even tainted the Pinewood Derby.

The result of these scandals is that many of the marquee Dems -- most notably Attorney General Lisa Madigan -- played like Punxsutawney Phil and were reluctant to leave their holes, lest they see their shadows. Safer to stay put, to stay out of the fray, to avoid the scrutiny.

There was more to yesterday's results, of course. Quinn tried to tie his opponent, Dan Hynes, to a particularly unsavory cemetary scandal, while Hynes "exhumed" Mayor Washington, using a decades-old video of Harold bashing Quinn. It was so dirty and so irrelevant that I don't know anyone who truly cared who won. Alexi Giannoulias, the leading Democrat in the Senate primary, is involved up to his hips in his family's bank -- which is having such major solvency problems that he didn't campaign these past few days, lest he have to answer questions about it.

But none of it was a referendum on Barack Obama. And should Illinois fade from blue to purple, with a Republican Senator or Governor elected this November, that won't have anything to do with the President, either.

It's hard to believe that a buffoon like Blago can leave such ruin in his wake. It's hard to believe I voted for him twice, too. Shame on me.

They're $18 a box!

One of my coworkers is cleaning out his office. ("I'd say that he has spring fever, but I know it isn't spring ...") As I walked by I spied tons of green, letter-sized hanging files in the dumpster! Those babies are 72¢/each.

Not only are his spendthrift ways bad for this agency's bottom line (and my prospects of a raise), it's bad for the environment.

I hope I can get over there in time and rescue those little green beauties.

Six minutes is a very long time

Go ahead. Time it. See for yourself. You can sing "Just the Way You Are" all the way through almost two times in six minutes.

That's how long the grown man sitting across from me on the train picked his nose. And picked. And picked. I know because I actually timed him. He was elderly -- somewhere between 60 and death -- and slender. And apparently quite mucous challenged.

It was creepy and disgusting, yet I couldn't look away.

I ache

PLEASE NOTE: Thank you, ladies (and, maybe, Andy) for the kind words on this post. It alwasy helps to feel understood, especially when I've lost the one person who really "got" me.


I severed ties with my best friend at 6:00 PM on Friday. At that point it had been 7 1/2 weeks since we last spoke ... when he told me that his wife had deemed our five-year-old friendship "inappropriate" because he shared more with me than he did with her.

During that time I sent him no fewer than 50 emails, assuring him that as long as he wanted me to give him room to figure out with her what "an appropriate" friendship looked like, I'd be happy to. But he never answered a one. Sure, some were of a personal nature, but those were about my life, not his. Most of them asked how his Christmas had been, if he and the family had any ski plans, how his job was, a picture of Scott Brown naked, you know, superficial stuff. Just to maintain contact.

He didn't answer any of them. It's humiliating and painful.

"Pride can hurt you, too," both my shrink and The Beatles warn me. My shrink told me that it might not always be this silent between us. That if his wife really put her foot down, she may be checking his voicemail and emails. After all, he works from home and doesn't have a ton of privacy.

So maybe, sometime down the road, I may hear from him again.

I know how serious his problems at home are. I understand that he has two little girls to consider in this. I appreciate that both he and his wife are the children of divorce and are, consequently, conflict-averse in their marriage. I know that he believes in that saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

I also know I have done nothing wrong and it makes me angry. I mean, THIS ISN'T FAIR! We've never even kissed, much less made love. How come my feelings get blown up like just so much collateral damage?

I am worried about him because this isn't him. He could talk until all hours of the night about real things. He was so worried about me in November, 2004, after John Kerry lost the election and a year of my volunteer work and many of my ideals went down the drain. He's the one who gave me so much support and real-life advice when I had problems with my job, my self esteem, my family. (Especially my niece and my uncle.)

And now he's gone. I am facing the world without him for the first time in 5 years. And I ache.

I worry, too, because he is facing the world without me for the first time in 5 years, too. While he might not realize it yet, he's lost his best friend, too.

Over the weekend it wasn't so bad. But today has sucked. I just want to go home and get drunk, but that's stupid. I think I'll go work out. Then I'll go home and get drunk.

Monday Movie Meme -- Highs and Lows

Name someone whose work you admire enough to overlook, or even forget completely, those performances where they weren't quite on their game. Or perhaps there is someone whose portrayals are usually forgettable, but they have surprised you with a gem here or there. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut as they say. Here are some examples we thought of. Share on your blog other highs and lows of a particular actor/actress and link back here at The Bumbles. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

Liza Minnelli
aka "The Blind Squirrel"

As a rule, I hate her in the movies. She's too obviously "acting" and her look is so severe that she never disappears into character.
The Good -- Cabaret. The exception that proves the rule. Everything about her -- even the green nails -- is delightfully decadent and very Sally Bowles.
The Bad -- Arthur. C'mon, admit it: Didn't you wonder why he didn't opt for the money and Jill Eikenberry?
The Ugly -- That's Entertainment! When she introduces the best-of-Garland segment by speaking mawkishly about "Mama," and later says, "Thank GAWD for film," I want to vomit.

Cher

Just about everythng I said about Liza is true of Cher, too. Yet, I always root for Cher and want to like her.
The Good -- Mask, Silkwood, Moonstruck, Mermaids, Witches of Eastwick ...
The Bad -- Tea with Mussolini
The Ugly -- Chastity

THE QUEEN'S MEME

The Queen's Meme #23 ~ The Blog Blizzard Meme
1. An unexpected blizzard occurs. The power goes out for 10 days. There is no food in the house, no gas in the car, no heat, no TV, no computer, nada! You are snowed in and can't get to the store for supplies. How would you survive? How would you get out of this mess? I'm screwed, aren't I? How's this for a plan? Since I live on the 4th floor, maybe I can open a window and jump, landing on a snow drift and then ... I'm outside with a broken limb in a snow drift. I really am screwed, aren't I?

2. Tell us about your last snowball fight. I don't remember. Which means it has been way too long!

3. You have been asked to make a snowman. What is his name? Jethro Leroy Gibbs, because he looks so good in his dress whites.

4. I have mountains of snow outside my door. I would like to make snow soup. What is the recipe? Add 6 drops of the essence of terror, 5 drops of sinister sauce and a tincture of tenderness. You'll either end up with a bowl of soup, or Milton the Monster.

5. It is Day 5 of the Big Blog Blizzard. You have been hunkered down for a very long time and in danger of losing your sanity. Your blog neighbors (that would be us) come callin' to see if you're OK. We peek in the window. What do we see? What are you doing in there? Playing at pogo.com. Probably Turbo 21. That's my web destination when I "turn off my mind, relax and float downstream." Though I'm not sure I can "float downstream" in the snow ...

6. Who is the flakiest snowflake in your life? Past or present. Right now, me. I don't trust my decision-making capabilities anymore. I feel like I'm fucking up a lot these days.

7. You are Snow White. Which dwarf is your favorite and why? Ringo. Because he's no one's favorite and even dwarfs need love.

8. What is the most fun you've ever had inside during a snowstorm? My fondest memory is of a lover tending to me while I had the flu. I know it doesn't sound like fun, but I felt very safe and much loved.

9. What was Jack Frost nipping at? I think he was just nipping wildly, randomly at the air because he was in so much pain. After all, weren't his chestnuts being roasted on an open fire?

10. Due to blobal warming (that's blog + global for all you non-blog speakers) your snowman has prematurely melted. What was his last request? Gibbs' last request was that I not forsake him for American Idol again this year.

And the award for "Best Performance by a Smile"

No one in the history of film has ever flashed a more effective, more seductive insincere smile than Robert Redford. The teeth are too perfect, too white. It's such a bright smile it looks like Redford probably had a plutonium milk shake for lunch.

He uses his smile to terrific inauthentic effect in The Great Waldo Pepper (1975). His character is alternately called a "con man" and a "four flusher," and yet when he flashes that smile, you like him in spite of it. You know what he is, and yet you can't help but be charmed.

The is not a great movie, but it is a fun one. And while Redford has given better performances, his smile is brilliant.

Tom Sizemore is creepy and scary

I'm watching VH1's Celebrity Rehab and he checked in with heroin and Viagra. He's dirty and menacing and unreliable and actually exploited his desire to see his children as an excuse to go out and use.

I don't know why I'm watching this -- it's just on as I run up and downstairs to do my laundry -- but it helps emphasize how good Jeff Bridges was in Crazy Heart. He's disciplined and together enough to merely portray the tragic life Sizemore is living.

Wow! He really is that good!

I've heard all the Oscar buzz about Jeff Bridges and thought it was, "yadda-yadda-yadda-deja-Mickey-Roarke." How could Bridges be as good as George Clooney in the almost-perfect Up in the Air?

Well, because acting isn't an athletic competition. And because Jeff Bridges is so completely believable in this that I not only bought him as an over-the-hill country singer, I swear I could smell how bad his whiskey-and-cigarette breath must be. And because this part was so different from all the other times I've enjoyed his work:
• the President in The Contender
• the Husband in The Mirror Has Two Faces
• the Accused in The Jagged Edge
• the The Bad Boy Brother in The Fabulous Baker Boys
• the Sweet Fiance in Kiss Me Goodbye and ... (drumroll, please)
• in one of my favorite love/sex scenes of all time in Against All Odds.

But back to Bad, his character in Crazy Heart. I can't tell you about his best moments without giving away a plot twist, but there's a sequence where my heart went out to him even as I wanted to slug him.

And Colin Farrell is surprisingly good, too.

See this.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Everybody is a Star

1. Did you ever think that you'd be a star? If yes, doing what? Yes. I was going to be a great singer. I was hitsville when it came to lip-synching into my hairbrush.

2. Tell us about the last time you had a romantic dinner. It was at the Cityscape Bar. Terrific floor-to-ceiling windows gave us a lovely view of the city from the Chicago River. Really beautiful at night.

3. Tell us about your worst job interview. Got a call from the Chief Executive Creative Director from another agency. His office called, actually. He had heard tremendous things about me from a mutual acquaintance. He had to meet me to discuss a job. WOW! Really? But that agency did most of its advertising online and I'm more a print kinda girl. Are you sure it's ME he needs to meet? Oh, yes, I was told. My vanity got the best of me, so I went out there. Wearing a suit, on a day that was about 175º. The first thing Mr. Man said when he looked at my work is, "Where's all your online stuff?" Then I got a REJECTION letter from him. I'm still pissed, even after more than 5 years ago.

4. Tell us about your stupidest date. Our first date was terrific. Our second/last date sucked. He wore white jeans, which he could not bear to let get dirty. Even though he knew we were meeting at a bowling alley (which I assumed meant we were ... um ... bowling). Earlier that day he had cut his finger while washing his car. The wound wasn't deep, no stitches were required, just a bandaid like you have in your medicine chest. Anyway, between fiddling with bandaid and fussing over his jeans, I realized I was not his priority.

5. How much in common do you think you should have with a romantic partner? Oh, hell, I don't know.

6. Tell us about a favorite meme that you loved but no longer posts. Is the Thursday 13 still out there somewhere?

7. How did you get into blogging? I wanted to have an organized journal that I could update whenever I felt like it, wherever I was, so that it presented an accurate snapshot of who I am at this point in my life.

8. Do you share all your fantasies with a significant other? I have. I think it's sexy, as long as we limit it to people we'll never meet. It gets messy when it's "which of my friends would you love to sleep with?"

9. What change in your life would you like to happen this year? I'd like LESS. Less clutter, less weight, less drama.

Not "as seen on TV," but ...

... as seen at Kwizgiver's.

Bold the true statements:

I live on the east coast (of anywhere).
I can spell definitely the correct way, thank you.
I have spellcheck enabled on my IE/firefox.
And right now it's telling me that spellcheck isn't a word.
I do a sport that isn't a team sport.
I'm right-brained.
I'm left-brained.
I'm split-brained.
I can read sheet music.
Horror movies are usually just funny.
I'm in serious kiss withdrawal.
A lot of people call me by my last name or my initials.
I have two middle names.
I enjoy sporks and other pointless things.
I am/want to be an organ donor.
I don't subscribe to any political party.
I'd like to/I do go to college in a city.
Whatever happened to green ketchup?
Drugs are lame. [medication is not, however]
^ You're lame.
^^Thanks.
Stephen King was right about Stephenie Meyer.
The universe tends to unfold as it should.
I can't stand cough drops with menthol in them.
I can name at least 35 U.S. presidents off the top of my head.
^And at least 40 state capitals.
I can hardly name any of either.
^But that's because I'm not from the states.
I find it hilarious that Miley Cyrus thinks she could win an Oscar for her movie.
Why the hell would Britney Spears (or anyone) make a song out of "If you seek amy"?
I get frustrated when someone cries during a movie when an animal dies, but then doesn't when a person does.
I wonder why the band "The Devil Wears Prada" named their band that.
Frankenstein is NOT the name of the monster.
I pronounce "route" like "root".
I say car-muhl, not car-a-mell.
I hate talking on the phone.
What the fuck is up with everyone wearing Uggs?
I've used a Wii Fit.
Angelina Jolie's lips distract me.
^But she was AMAZING in The Changeling.
I've never seen any of the High School Musical movies. And I don't care to.
Costco/BJ's/Sam's Club would be the perfect place to go in case of a zombie apocalypse.
I spell my name a way other than the most common.

Friday 5

Friday 5 for January 29: Hoops

1. When did you last feel required to jump through meaningless hoops to get something you wanted? The song and dance I recently did on the phone with Fifth Third Bank. First collections, then customer service, then a customer service rep, before the situation was finally resolved. I'd relate the story in greater detail, but I'd just get pissed all over again. Just know that I in no way endorse Fifth Third Bank!

2. What kind of hula hoop memories do you have? The kids down the block and I didn't play with our hula hoops the way you were supposed to. Instead we played "horse and buggy race." The one inside the hula hoop was the horse, the one outside was the jockey, and we'd race across our yards.

3. How do you feel about basketball? I haven't given it a moment's thought since MJ left us for good in 1998.

4. What do you think of hoop earrings? I love them! When I wear them, I feel like a 1960s hippie chick. This reminds me I should dig a pair out for the weekend.

5. What's your favorite Whoopi Goldberg movie? I'm not a big fan, but Sister Act, I guess. (Love the "hoopi" question, though.)

I forgot she hates sports

The art director I'm in double-harness with hates sports. I suspect she hates sports with a particular virulence when I'm around because it gives male coworkers and I something to discuss that she's not part of. But, after 5 years of trying to pull the plow with her, I have given up the psycho-analysis and just try to keep my head down and do the best job I can without the bit hurting my mouth too much.

Our assignment is to come up concepts, or spins, on the same idea. That idea is: when you invest with us, you're supported by a team of professionals.

Last week, when I was not coming down with whatever the hell I have, I came up with three concepts for the art director. In a perfect world, we would do this in tandem, bouncing ideas back and forth. That will never happen with her. She's an art director because she's in love with her Mac and all it can do, not because she's an idea girl. Fine. I'll pick up the slack. While I may not be the most innovative writer in the world -- while the words I put on the page may not be especially clever or fresh or even memorable -- I'm a great alchemist. I can take elements from different genres, put them into a blender, and come up with an acceptable spin.

So, last Friday, I came up with three ideas. Three broadstroke concepts. She said she understood them and would look for the appropriate artwork. The first concept centered around the long-term aspect of the support, "we won't forget you after you open the account," kinda thing. The second concentrated on the high-level of service. The last one was like the song "Centerfield" -- "Put me in coach, I'm ready to play." You know, you have an untapped resource of investment advice, use it. Three different ways to convey the client's message: when you invest with us, you're supported by a team of professionals.

After almost a week of working on these (three days is all it should have taken, btw), we finally showed them to our boss yesterday afternoon. He didn't like the photo -- a man in a sweater standing amid others seated -- she selected for the third concept. I liked it because the guy looked like he was volunteering. My boss didn't like it because of the proportions between the guy and the others in the shot. Fair enough. Since there was nothing that could be done to fix the photo with Mac magic, it was out. Not the concept. Not the headline. Just the photo. She then shared a photo she had already found, and discarded, of hands clapping and wanted to use it instead.

How do hands clapping say, "you have an untapped resource?" They don't. So she thinks I should just write something new to match the photo.

No.

A concept is more than the words or the graphic. It's the idea, it's the way we convey the client's message to the consumer, it's the SPIN. I could slap something together for that photo but it would be wrong for the client's business, and wrong within the presentation we're giving Monday, because it's our job to provide them with options to choose from that will each say, in one way or another, when you invest with us, you're supported by a team of professionals.

Now here is where it gets good. I told her the easiest way to solve our dilemma would be to find a picture of suited-up athletes sitting on the bench. She recoiled in horror. "Like what kind of athletes? Football players?" OK, or baseball players or basketballs players. And they don't have to be professionals. In fact, I thought a company softball team would be kind of cute.

"But why would anyone want to look at a sports team when they are investing?" I pointed out to her that in the past she had been very proud of an investment brochure cover of a couple sitting near a campfire, looking up at the stars. I asked her if she was selling camping equipment then.

"But I didn't think of 'team' as meaning sports." Oh, she had me there. No one considers "team" a sports term. Except for dictionary.com, where it's defined as, "1. a number of persons forming one of the side in a game or contest: a football team."

I forgot. She hates sports. And if there's anything she hates more than sports, it's working on deadline. We didn't have a tight deadline at the beginning of this project, but we do now.

I explained the concept to her again -- use an untapped resource. I could write to a light switch, a windmill, a waterfall ... any form of power, since she doesn't like sports. Of course she'd have to give me a couple of hours to do that. But I could do it. It would work and it could be effective.

No, sigh, she'll look for sports pictures. Not that she'll find any she likes ...

That was last night. Our internal review -- the initial dress rehearsal for Monday -- is at 1:00 today. I bet we'll only have two concepts to show. Is she lazy? Stubborn? Petulant? I shouldn't hurl pejoratives her way when really, it's my fault.

I forgot. She hates sports.

The good thing that came out of writing this post is that (1) I respect my client and want to give them quality and (2) I really do enjoy parts of my job. These are good to remember, because after writing for 30 years (last June 1), I could be burned out, but I'm not.

About that bruise

There's been a mysterious bruise on my left breast. It's quite noticeable and big enough to peer out of my bra. I have had it all week, and it's only now beginning to fade ... a bit ... I think.

It's disturbing me because I can't, for the life of me, figure out what I hit that hard there. Did I walk into a door?

And, because it's my left breast, I was frightened that it may be something more serious. After all, a bruise is the pooling of blood under the skin. Could this be a return to the problems I had last summer?

Then it hit me. Literally. It's my cat, Reynaldo! Since I've been battling a bug of some sort, I've been more sedentary than usual. Spending Sunday and Monday, and every evening since, on the sofa. In the evenings, when Rey has his wild times, he interrupts his racing about to jump on my chest, look into my face, knead my boob for a while, and then leap up and off and return to his adrenaline-fueled adventures.

While this is kitten behavior -- checking in with "mommy" -- Rey-Rey is no longer a kitten. He'll be 6 years old this spring. A skinny cat, to be sure, but still an adult cat. So there's more power in those kneading paws than before.

And that bruise on my boob? It's Rey's pawprint.

Thanks to Snarkypants for the perfect illustration for this post.

Why I don't think Tiger is the worst athlete ever

Today's sports pages are filled with players who do far worse than cheat on their wives. For example, Gilbert Arenas, who not only pulled a gun on a teammate in the lockerroom, he joked about the incident on national TV.

Arenas, Crittenton suspended for rest of season

NEW YORK — Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton were suspended without pay for the remainder of the season Wednesday by NBA commissioner David Stern, who said guns in the workplace "will not be tolerated."

Stern delivered the punishment after meeting with Arenas earlier Wednesday, and with Crittenton a day before. Arenas already had been suspended indefinitely by Stern on Jan. 6.

Both players admitted bringing a gun or guns into the Washington Wizards’ locker room — a violation of the collective bargaining agreement — after a dispute stemming from a card game on a team flight. Stern said the players expressed remorse, but added, "nevertheless, there is no justification for their conduct."

Asked during a conference call what message the penalties sent, Stern said: "We mean what we say when we say that guns are prohibited from being in our buildings and on team business.

"You will be dealt with harshly because it’s very potentially dangerous to our players, to the other players and to anyone else who might be involved."

Arenas, who is forfeiting about $147,200 per game, had already been suspended indefinitely earlier this month. Crittenton, who met with Stern on Tuesday, will lose about $13,435 per game from his $1.48 million salary.

Arenas pleaded guilty Jan. 15 to a felony gun charge after a confrontation with Crittenton at the Verizon Center. Arenas, who is scheduled to be sentenced March 26, is in the second season of a six-year, $111 million contract.

He has asked the players’ association not to contest the penalty, while Crittenton’s plans are unclear. His agent, Mark Bartelstein, told The Associated Press that, "David Stern has done what he thinks is right for the league. We’re going to look at it and talk about it with Javaris and the players’ association."

The Wizards have 38 games left in a woeful season that was thrown into turmoil when news of the confrontation involving the guns broke on Christmas Eve. The team has distanced itself from Arenas since Stern indefinitely suspended him, removing his likeness from the Verizon Center. Crittenton has been injured and wasn’t playing, anyway.

The team said it supported Stern’s ruling.

"Their poor judgment has also violated the trust of our fans and stands in contrast to everything Abe Pollin stood for throughout his life," the Wizards said in a statement.

"It is widely known that Mr. Pollin took the extraordinary step of changing the team name from ‘Bullets’ to ‘Wizards’ in 1997 precisely to express his abhorrence of gun violence in our community. We hope that this negative situation can produce something positive by serving as a reminder that gun violence is a serious issue."

Piper Hall, a spokeswoman for Arenas’ lawyer, wrote in an e-mail to The Associated Press that neither Arenas nor his lawyer, Ken Wainstein, would comment "at this time."

Arenas, a three-time All-Star and once the face of the Wizards’ franchise, will miss the final 50 games of the season. Stern originally planned to follow his normal policy of waiting until the legal process was further along before acting, but handed down the initial suspension after Arenas joked about the gun situation on his Twitter page, then was photographed before a game in Philadelphia pointing his index fingers, as if they were guns, at his teammates.

"I felt that I should do something to keep Arenas from doing even further damage to himself and I told him that," Stern said. "We also try to protect (players) from doing things that are foolish and damaging. I felt that Gilbert was in the process of doing that and it was incumbent on me to stop it."

Stern said he would not advise the Wizards on how they should proceed if they sought to void the remainder of Arenas’ contract. Players’ association executive director Billy Hunter warned the union "will respond aggressively to any improper attempt by the team to impose additional penalties."

Stern said he and Hunter would meet in the coming weeks to perhaps build a stronger gun policy than the one in the collective bargaining agreement.

You Are Colorful Because You Are Optimistic

You insist on seeing the bright side, even when the world seems gloomy and dreary. You may not be naturally optimistic, but you believe that staying positive is an important part of happiness. You may be bright and constructive, but you're also a realist. You know when things need to be fixed. And because you stay so positive, you are able to fix any problems that come your way. You have a lot of strength.

The Colors Test

Thanks to Boliyou for introducing me to this one.

Can't look away

In no way did the Edwards split happen to me personally. He wasn't my cheating husband. It wasn't my dad who started a second family without telling me. It wasn't my dad who spent two years denying me.

I'm not the one who gets to start my "new life" even as I'm dealing with cancer meds and a clock loudly ticking my life away.

Yet I'm bereft. I can't shake it, and I can't look away.

Elizabeth's sister tells the upcoming People how Elizabeth wrapped Christmas presents and brought them along when she went to meet her husband's love child for the first time. Apparently she wants her own children to have a comfortable relationship with their half sister.

It's an act of grace and courage that makes my throat close up a little. It reminds me of another heroine of mine, JBKO. No matter what else was going on in her life Jackie O dependably managed to suck it up and behave admirably when her kids were involved.

For example, John-John's third birthday. Jackie was at the center of a televised State Funeral that day, honoring her husband as she laid him to rest, then representing her country by graciously thanking foreign heads of state. Then she celebrated her little boy's birthday with a preschooler's bash that included cake and games and presents. She went from Eternal Flame to Charles DeGaulle to pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey all in the same day, within a matter of hours. Because John-John was her son and he was only 3 and he deserved a party. Because she was his mother, and that's what mothers should do.

Like Jackie, Elizabeth Edwards is a profile in courage. I have learned much about life from Mrs. Edwards and her books. I'm just sorry her books don't close with a happy ending. I'm sorrier than I ever imagined I'd be. I guess the little girl in me still needs heroines who triumph over all to live happily ever after.

Icon on Board!

This morning, as I hauled my flabby, sorry, sick ass down to lunch, I swung by Starbuck's because I wanted hot chocolate. I don't normally go into Starbuck's because the smell of coffee makes me a little nauseous, even on the best days. But there was no line (unusual for 11:30) and I figured I could get in and out without inhaling too many perfumas de Columbia.

As I headed into the coffee shop, I saw HER. Oh. My. God. It was Stacy London of TLC's What Not to Wear. She had the whitest complexion I have ever seen, which made her eyebrows and mane look positively inky. I believe she was already made up for the lights. She's taller than my 5'2, but that could be thanks to the black stilettos that clicked on the tile. Her eyes were locked into those of the woman who was walking beside her and telling her who would introduce her -- I believe this is Stacy's way of avoiding fans like me, who would have expressed disappointment at her well tailored, but still obviously real, mink.

From the snippet of conversation I heard, and judging by her makeup, I think she was the featured speaker at some corporate luncheon upstairs. I know she has addressed business groups before on the connection between self-esteem and style.

Whatever.

I SAW STACY!!!!

Why is it so tiring?

Commuting to work is really such a passive activity. After all, I don't drive the train or collect the fares. I just walk a couple blocks to the station, wait for the train, board it, ride, disembark, and walk a couple blocks to the office. Yet, on days like this one when I don't feel that great, commuting really wears me out.

Psssst! All he's wearing is his crown!

I used to work at a terrific agency which was owned, and run, by a really great man. He retired, sold the agency, and eventually it was folded into a multi-national corporation and is no more.

There's a Yahoo! message group for former employees, and it's being used to organize a reunion. Lovely idea, right? Well, the guy who is running the message board is demanding that we all do more than merely rsvp to the reunion. He insists we complete a poll, too.

You see, for 24 years he was a powerful senior vice president at the old agency. He sat on the right hand of the great man who ran it. The thing of it is, though, he retired in 2000. That was 10 years ago.

When I receive these high-handed emails, requiring me to respond to the poll, I simply smirk and dump them. Part of me wants to say, "You're no longer the boss of me," but I don't bother because, in reality, this pompous old gent really doesn't take up that much space in my consciousness anymore. He's not even actually planning the reunion -- he just runs the message board that disseminates the information.

I'm surprised by how many emails he's received back titled, "YES to the reunion, NO to the poll." Apparently his bossy attitude is rubbing many the wrong way. It's too bad, because the reunion could really be something special … if he doesn't poison the mood with his officious ways.

Maybe it's hard for the emperor to accept that he's naked, that after nearly 34 years, he's no longer the center of the universe, he's now someone many of us would pass on the street and wonder, "Didn't I know that guy?"

It leaves me breathless

And not in a sexy way, either. I'm feeling better today, my fever is gone, so I'm taking on the laundry. I figure that if I can do that comfortably, I'm ready for work tomorrow. After all, I'm a writer -- I don't need to plow the back 40.

I may not have to contend with a ringer, but the four flights up and down to the laundry room gets to me, though.

I want Uncle Bill!

I think I have the flu. My temperature is over 100º and I cannot walk from the sofa to the refrigerator without stopping for a rest and my head hurts.

I want Mr. French to make me a gooey grilled cheese sandwich. I want Uncle Bill to bring it to me and sit on the side of the bed until I'm sure it's to my liking. Then I want another nap.

Is this normal? Or has the fever left me delusional?

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Negativity Meme

Foods which disgust the crap out of me: Coffee and raw tomatoes

TV show I loathe: Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is akin to Seinfeld, which I also loathed

Movie I loathe: The Piano with Holly Hunter

Music genres I loathe: I don't loathe any genre. But I don't get rap, classical or opera.

Magazine which annoys me: Can't think of any.

Makes me cranky at restaurant: "We're out of that."

Makes me cranky in public: Smokers. Just because we're outside doesn't mean I enjoy your inhaling your second hand smoke, or seeing the discarded filters sitting in the snow.

Makes me cranky in general: People who insist that calling something "gay" isn't insulting to homosexuals. If you can't substitute Jewish or female without it being offensive, then it's an insult. You know better. And if your kids don't, you should man up and insist they stop it.

Pisses me off at home: What a hideously sloppy, undisciplined person I am.

Pisses me off at work: Laziness. As sloppy as I am at home, I'm serious about my work because, whether I like it or not, our team sinks or swims together. I don't want to lose MY job because you're not doing yours.

Pisses me off in general: The aging process. I have to work sooooo hard to stay pudgy and not slide into fat. Shouldn't I be losing weight? Why do my metabolism and hormones hate me so?

Makes me impatient at home: The woman who lives here. She's such a slob. Wait! That's me!

Makes me impatient at work: All the things I can't control.

Makes me impatient in public: Rude people.

Celebrity I hate: Brangelina. (See below)

Music artist I hate: Those horrible 70s soft-rock/adult contemporary artists -- like Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond and Air Supply.

I could care less about: Many things. Don't you mean to ask, "I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT ...?" Come to think of it, that annoys me.

Annoys the crap out of me weekdays: I'm coming up blank. Do you suppose I've been drained of bile before the meme ends?

Annoys the crap out of me weekends: The repetitive morning news programs. Do they think that because it's Saturday I don't care about the world? Do you think I don't DESERVE real news? Well, do you? (Ah, there's still some annoyance left in the tank!)

Blogger's habit that annoys you: Bloggers who post inane drivel and make a point of saying it's copyrighted and I can't steal the content. Trust me, the bloggers who post it the boldest have the least to steal. And are you going to hire a lawyer to protect your deathless opinion of Donny Osmond's performance on Dancing with the Stars?

Feature on your blog you hate: Sometimes I pull my punches a bit because there are issues I can't bear to face. Avoidance only hurts me, I know that.

Movie star you despise: If Brangelina is surgically separated, then Angelina Jolie.

Politician that you hate: Sarah Palin. I hate her because she and her followers frighten me.

Trouble in Paradise?

I hope so. These two annoy me. Especially Angelina Jolie. I think she's a pretentious actress and probably most hygienically challenged. It would be nice if they went away.

(Don't try to defend her. Nothing you say will sway me. My passionate dislike is instinctive and visceral, and goes back to her "Billy Bob/I wear blood and kiss my brother" days.)

Atta Girl!

My niece got her driver's license today. First thing this morning. First try out.

I'm proud of her for her tenacity. This is when she planned to get it, and this is when she got it.

I'm also pleased that I got word from her via text as soon as she passed. She does that a lot -- reaches out to me at important moments. (Before this, it was her "Happy New Year" text when I was in the Keys.)

Her mother thinks she's aloof and tough. Her dad and my mom, her doting grandmother, are more kind in their assessment, but they worry about her "smart mouth." I love her toughness and her smart mouth. She's ambitious and toughness comes in handy on the way to your dreams. And as one who makes a living with her own way with words, I look at my niece's "smart mouth" as an asset, as well.

No, I'm proud of her for how far she's come. For while in my family, we don't discuss it, 2007 was a painful year for her … and us. Underneath that aloof, tough, smart-mouthed exterior beats the heart of a complicated girl trying to find herself on the road to becoming a woman. On these big moments in her life, it's important to remember that.

Which is why, when I texted back my congratulations, I thanked her for sharing her good news. I am here for her. I am always here, in good times and bad. It's a privilege to be in her life -- to play a role in any kid's life.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Think We're Alone Now

1. What celebrity in a fantasy would you like to be alone with? It changes. This week it would be Robert Downey Jr.

2. Have ever dated a good friend? No. Though almost every time I have endured a break up, the guy says we should remain friends. I always say no. Regardless who the gentleman is, he maintains it will work. And it never does.

3. What is the most embarrassing song that you like? "La La La" by Bobby Sherman. It's a nightmare. And I am frighteningly drawn to it.

Bobby Sherman Lyrics

4. What is your favorite tear jerker movie? So many! I guess The Way We Were is the ultimate one for me because there aren't many characters whom I relate to, whom I so understand, whom I get, like Katie Morosky.

5. What about yourself makes you least secure? The whole physical combo platter which can be described as "fat and fifty."

6. Do you believe in destiny? I don't know. Sometimes.

7. What 'issue' do you think your opinion is so right about that you end up trying to sway others to your point of view? Anything related to smoking. I can't believe anyone feels they can justify it.

8. What are 5 things you don't care about? (1) Tiger Woods, (2) Avatar, (3) the IL gubernatorial primaries -- no matter who wins, he will be better than Blago; (4) college sports; (5) NASCAR

9. Have you ever been in a situation where you weren't sure if you were seducing or being seduced? Yes.

That bit of business with the hat came in handy

I loved Robert Downey in Sherlock Holmes. I loved his performance more than I liked the rest of this messy, violent movie.*

Downey's interplay with Jude Law is a delight. It reminded me of Newman/Redford, and that is high praise indeed from this old Gal. He's astonishingly lithe in the action sequences, and I especially enjoyed the way he was forever handling hats because it recalled how Downey played with the black bowler in his Oscar-nominated turn as Chaplin.

Robert Downey, Jr. also sounds just like an old boyfriend of mine. Which I find sexy.

*I suspect that the "messy, violent" aspects were intentional, that the resulting anachronism is part of Guy Ritchie's signature style. Which is fine. I just don't care for it.

Syeesha as Deena

I didn't see American Idol this week, but I did see an American Idol -- Syeesha Mercado, the last girl standing along with the two Davids a few years ago. (Gee, Snarks, you wouldn't happen to remember which David won, would you?) She's starring as Deena in the lavish Broadway in Chicago production of Dreamgirls. She was in tremendous voice and is quite lovely, but she was completely outshown by Moya Angela as Effie. In fact, at times it was hard to tell Deena/Syeesha from Lorrell, always the also-ran Dreamgirl.

In fact, Taylor Hicks as Teen Angel in the touring company of Grease had more charisma. I seem to remember that this was Simon's criticism of Syeesha, that she was technically good but rather forgettable. And, as always, Simon was right.

Which is not to say I didn't enjoy my evening of theater. I did. Completely. Effie and Jimmy Early (Chester Gregory) were fantastic.

And as always, I enjoyed the company. My friend/theater buddy/former boss Barb is more accomplished than I am in so many ways. Which is why it was amusing to learn she's Motown-challenged! During the performance she kept asking me questions like:

"There was a fourth Supreme?"
"Who is Jimmy Early supposed to be?"
"Are these actual Supreme songs?"
And my favorite, "Which girl won Star Search?"

It was nice to be the know-it-all for a change!

At least this Elizabeth didn't shoot her cheating man

Edwards admits fathering child with mistress

So John Edwards is finally admitting what everyone has known all along, that he got his mistress pregnant while his wife was receiving cancer treatment.

I believe Elizabeth Edwards is a great lady. Her first book, Saving Graces, had a tremendous impact on my life. She's courageous, candid and frankly not perfect in her second book, Resilience. I am sorry to hear that, according to MSNBC, "family friends say John and Elizabeth have separated, at least for now."

Not because John Edwards deserves their marriage. I'm not at all sure he does. But I am sure this is not the way the mother of Cate (27), Emma Claire (11), Jack (9) and Wade (forever 16) envisioned her life. I hope Elizabeth and all the children involved -- including toddler Frances, at the center of all this through no fault of her own -- come through this without too much damage.

Dear God, NOOOOO!!!!!

THIS JUST IN!!! California's parole board denies parole for convicted killer Betty Broderick. "She was totally not remorseful, didn't even try," San Diego Assistant District Attorney Sachs said. Broderick won't be eligible for another parole hearing for 15 years -- the maximum time the law allows, he added.

So Betty stays where she is, which is where she belongs.



So Betty Broderick wants to be released from prison. Well, as my grandma would say, "in hell, they want ice water."

Betty Broderick shot her ex-husband and his much-younger, second wife as they slept. Five times. Pre-dawn. In their own bed. In their own home. That she snuck into, using a key stolen from their eldest daughter.

Her defense? They drove her to it. By sleeping in their own bed in their own home before sunrise on a Sunday morning. I can see why she felt threatened.

I hate this bitch. I admit it. She tries to present herself as a cause celebre, a feminist hero, because her husband "abused" her -- first by cheating on her after years of marriage (during many of which she supported him, admitted) and then leaving her. She claims he used all of his considerable prestige in the legal community to ruin her financially.

Aw, poor moo-cow.

Betty abandoned their children on his porch. Betty drove her SUV into their front door. Betty entered their home uninvited when they weren't home and smashed a chocolate cake on their bedroom walls. Betty left profane and harassing answering machine messages for their then-young children to hear.

She ignored every restraining order against her because rules don't apply to sociopaths like Betty. She hired and fired two separate divorce attorneys because she was so difficult to work with, then whined because she was unable to find legitimate counsel to defend her against her powerful lawyer husband.

Yet she received maintenance from her husband, even though he had custody of the children: $9,000/month, which today would be approx. $15,000/month. He also handled many of the expenses associated with her home. With that kind of alimony coming in, she never had to work after her divorce. Which is good, because a job would have cut into her time at the firing range, where she honed the skills required to shoot two sleeping people. I guess unmoving targets can present a challenge.

Her marriage didn't work out. The husband she supported for years and years dumped her for another woman, just as the gravy train pulled into the station. It's sad, it's unfair, but it happens all the time. And yet somehow, other first wives manage to not commit double homicide.

A few statistics about real domestic abuse and divorce:

• Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States. (American Bar Association)

• Many single mothers slide below the poverty line after divorce because while the ex-husband's income usually drops about 10% post-divorce, the ex-wife's falls as much as 30%.

The 1.3 million women who are abused each year, those who flee their husbands with children in tow, who trade violence for peace ... and poverty -- Betty Broderick is an insult to poor gallant women.

Not to mention to those who loved Dan and Linda Broderick, whose tombstone I include here. Kindly remember that this is where they have been while Betty answers fan mail from angry divorcees and gives jailhouse interviews. These are the victims. Not that attention junkie in San Diego.

For a more balanced account of Betty's pathetic saga, visit CNN.com.
I admit the old-school feminist in me cannot STAND her!

Time for some self-revelation

I must credit my source: Kwizgiver

BOLD THE TRUE STATEMENTS

• I have a serious attitude problem
• I hate repetitive surveys
• I dig 80s music
• I’m feeling pretty lonely right now
• Donnie Darko is really overrated
• I have a shell necklace
• Cats are my favorite animal
• I wish I was with my boyfriend right now
• My mother had me when she was too young
• I haven’t brushed my teeth yet today
• I love lollipops
• I hate chewing gum
• I once ate takeaway food three nights in a row
• Will Ferrell is hilarious
• I don’t think hats suit me
• I wear alicebands
• I have heard of the band Tears For Fears
• I don’t drive & I’m not sure if I ever will
• I’d rather be driven than drive myself
• My job consists of sitting around on my ass all day
• Oh no, the sun is out
• I miss last summer
• The good memories of my past make me want to cry
• I HATE Star Wars
• Angelina Jolie was a great actress in Girl, Interrupted
• I know where Shakespeare was born in England
• I’m not interested in Shakespeare or any of his plays
• The term “whatever” is used when the person doesn’t have anything better to say
• Zebra print is so effing tacky
• If I were to get fat, I wouldn’t care
• Girls who look anorexic, now that is repulsive
• If you were to give me $200 right now, I’d go right out & spend it all
• I want to go to Madame Tussaud’s wax museum
• I don’t know much about my country’s history
• I do not own a bikini
• I wear earrings everyday
• I had a very disturbing dream last night
• I can’t watch animals eating other animals on wildlife TV; it makes me so sad
• I love to read True Crime
• I would find it hilariously funny if Former President Bush tripped over his own two feet & fell off a cliff
• I live in America & do not have an American accent
• I can fake a Scottish accent
• Some music moves me to tears (most movies do)
• I have read the book Jane Eyre
• I love Borders bookstore
• I’d love to work there
• I HAVE worked there
• I have never purchased anything from Starbucks
• I can sing opera
• I have seen a picture of my parents on their wedding day
• My parents never married
• Sometimes I wonder if I was adopted
• I strongly believe in reincarnation
• The celebrity I’d most love to meet is dead
• I find Joaquin Phoenix highly sexilicious
• I call people “fools” a lot
• People in motorized wheelchairs make me laugh
• I have been caught singing into my hairbrush
• When I’m embarrassed I turn bright red
• I don’t blush
• I’m not squeamish at the sight of blood
• Guys who smell good really turn me on
• One of my favorite actors is Jim Carrey
• Kate Winslet is the perfect example of an English Rose
• I seriously think Sarah Jessica Parker is one of the ugliest female actresses out there
• I enjoy taking walks by myself in the summer
• One of my pets recently died
• I want to marry a fat old man with loads of cash
• I’m afraid of all animals with hooves
• MOO
• I’m interested in the supernatural
• My mother is such a gossip