"Benign. No Follow Up Required."

I'm not going to bury the lead. That's what my test results say, and I'm thrilled by them.

Here's how I found out.

I called my doctor's office this morning and got Nurse A. She began by saying, "You know we haven't even received your test results yet."

"No," said I, "I don't know that because no one called me back yesterday."

I explained that I realized that, with my doctor on vacation, there was no one there right now to read me the results. But didn't my doctor have another physician covering for him.

"Yes, but Dr. Mahoney is seeing obstetric emergencies only."

I told her that while I may not be bruised, bleeding or pregnant, this is an emergency for me and I have no intention of waiting until Monday to find out the test results. So would she please send the test results, when they come in, to my internist? Nurse A said she that since my internist was not in their network, she wasn't sure she could do that.

I pointed out that I live around the corner and would be very happy to stop in and pick up the results myself and walk them over to my internist because, after all, my test results are legally mine.

This rattled Nurse A who said she would "consult with the practice manager" and get back to me.

Minutes later Maria, another nurse, called me back. Amazingly, they found my test results! I guess they'd been there all along! Maria kept emphasizing that even though she's not an MD, she would be happy to read me the results as a courtesy and then fax them to my internist.

"Benign. Consistent in both views. No follow up required."

I told her sending the test results to my other doctor was unnecessary. She said my doctor would be calling me on Monday to confirm the good news. I like that.

Now I am happy. Now I am relaxed. For I am healthy, my circumstances got the respect they deserved, and Nurse A had what President Obama would call "a teaching experience," so she'll handle the next woman's mammogram results with a bit more compassion.