He's coming around again

My friend from Key West is getting chattier by the week, and I'm so glad.

He lost his job last month. It hit him like a sucker punch, especially because for more than a decade (he had tenure!) he worked hard at being a good teacher and really cared about his students. During the first few weeks he was barely functioning, unable to concentrate, and sleeping and drinking a lot.

He began to snap out of it about 10 days ago. Now every time I hear from him, he sounds more upbeat and forward-focused: looking for jobs, lunching with friends, surfing the net and sharing happy little bits with me. (In fact, he's the one who broke the Sir Paul news -- see below).

He has a heart as big as all outdoors and has never, ever shrunk from helping a friend. While I don't know the details, I suspect that some of those he's been there for in the past are rallying around him now. I also know his longtime lover has been there for him, too.

My favorite guy ever at my favorite place on earth!

Paul McCartney to headline Wrigley Field July 31

From the Chicago Tribune

Paul McCartney announced Monday that he will play his first Chicago concert since 2005 when he headlines July 31 at Wrigley Field.

Tickets will go on sale June 20 at tickets.com (prices were not yet available) for the rare date at the Cubs ballpark, which has seen only a handful of concerts in past summers by the Dave Matthews Band, Jimmy Buffett, the Police, Rascal Flatts, and Billy Joel and Elton John.

McCartney’s band will remain the same as it has for recent tours: keyboardist Paul "Wix" Wickens, guitarist Rusty Anderson, drummer Abe Laboriel Jr., and guitarist Brian Ray.

Also announced were McCartney shows July 24 at Comerica Park in Detroit and Aug. 4 at the Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati.

greg@gregkot.com

I'm Disturbed

Yes, I know this post title is a great straight line. It's inspired by I Love Lucy -- the episode where Lucy & Ethel feel they work way too hard as housewives and prepare to go on strike until Ricky and Fred buy them the cool new household appliances of the day. They storm out of the Riccardo kitchen to the living room, where the boys are relaxing. Lucy: We're revolting! Ricky: No more than usual.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled blog post. What's weighing heavily on this Gal's mind this morning?

1) My best friend is incommunicado. He's already been on vacation with his family for a week now, and won't be back for another two days. He's even been gone for his 45th birthday (yesterday). I hope he's having fun, but I miss him. I really miss him. Little problems can grow up to be big problems if he's not available to keep me grounded.

2) It's not me, it's him. The guy who does my hair, that is. I have known him since we were in high school. About a year ago, he told me about a very scary incident with his daughter -- then a college freshman -- and a guy who attempted to drug her drink. I understood completely his terror about this horrible, horrible event, but when he used the "n" word to describe the young man in question, I stopped him. "He didn't try to do your daughter because he's black. You know that, right?" Yeah, yeah. I reiterated, "I don't accept that language in my presence, you know." Shrug. Over the past year, he has kept me waiting for my appointments. He simply overbooks his Saturdays. I don't like it, but when he apologizes I say, "You were closer to losing me with the n-word than with this." Saturday, when I was getting my haircut, he was going on and on about the landlord who will be renting a campus apartment to his daughter and three friends this fall. In the story, he mentioned the landlord's name was "Rosen." I tried to believe he wasn't going there. But then, just to make sure I understood, he said he was having his lawyer review the lease since "the landlord's a Jew and all." I literally hit him with the Newsweek in my lap. (Lucky for him I wasn't reading the latest edition of the Oprah magazine or he'd need a sling.) I told him again that I don't accept that kind of talk in my presence. Actually, what I said was, "I don't come here to listen to anti-Semitic shit." Instead of apologizing, he said, annoyed, "Will you let it go?" Then he kept trying to change the subject. He seems to think this "banter" between us is "fun." On the way out he kissed my cheek and said he'd see me next month.

Yes, he will. But should he? He does a good job on my hair and he's very affordable. I have known him for 35 years. My parents know his parents. He's the only one my nephew will allow to do his hair. He even made a point of watching my niece's graduation on the local cable access channel.

And he's a bigot. An unapologetic bigot. If a service provider like my dry cleaner spoke that way, I'd take my business elsewhere. This situation bothers me a great deal. I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what the right thing is.

3) But this doesn't bother me much at all. My oldest friend's oldest boy is scheduled to be released from a mental hospital tomorrow. The doctors have changed his meds and, after almost a week of surveillance, seem to feel he will no longer be a danger to himself or others.

I know very little about the specific incident that triggered this hospitalization, but I do know he's been admitted twice before and, once released, refuses ongoing outpatient treatment. My friend won't insist on it because, well, he's her son and she can't just throw him out in the street.

We have been through this when he insisted on dropping out of school, and then, left without the structure of classes, fell into a haze of cigarette and pot smoke, only emerging from his bedroom to punch holes in the doors and walls. Then, when he got down to less than 100 lbs. (he's nearly 6' tall), he was hospitalized for depression and anorexia, but upon his release decreed the outpatient therapies "stupid" and refused to go. Most recently, when he hit his sister and beat up his car, he admitted himself but didn't like being around really crazy people and left the moment he was legally able. Now that he's 21, he can pretty much do what he wants to. And all he wants to do is sit in his room, strum is guitar, chainsmoke cigarettes (dangerous with his chronic asthma), smoke pot, and refuse food. (I thought pot made you hungry. Oh, well ...)

I have known this boy his entire life and yet when it comes to this news I feel ... nothing. I appreciate how an ugly divorce and bad parenting shaped him and I am sorry about that. I realize the turmoil he is causing for his mother (my friend) and his kid sister (a troubled girl unduly influenced by his bad behavior). But I feel bad for my friend and her daughter, not for him.

And I feel bad about feeling nothing for him.

Is it any wonder I want to retreat into the sitcom world?

Monday Movie Meme

Share movies that make you go hmmmmmmm, and link back here so that others can find you. Batman Forever is a Val Kilmer Batman movie with a pair of above-the-title villains -- Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face and Jim Carrey as The Riddler. Nicole Kidman played a shrink who was studying bad guys and "Bat guys" and Dick Grayson's parents die and he becomes Robin. I had absolutely no idea what any of these plots had to do with one another, making this that most heinous of bad movies: Too convoluted to follow, too noisy to sleep through.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Seriously Random Question Meme, Part 1

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Your ex's car is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do? Depends on which ex. :) I have great fondness for three former boyfriends and would make sure that the proper authorities were looking out for their safety. There's one dude, though ... well ....

2. Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction? Shock and terror. For my best friend is male, and my closest female friend is under the impression that she had a hysterectomy.

3. When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? Punch? I can't recall. But last Tuesday I wanted to slap my boss and shout, a la Cher, "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

4. What is the last thing you spent money on? Chinese food, specifically crab rangoon and shrimp fried rice.

5. Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month? I suspect I may have lost a little because of how my belt fits. But I'm scared to get on a scale for fear of disappointment.

6. Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos? Puffy. Definitely puffy.

7. The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you do? Laugh and agree.

8. Congratulations! You just had a son. What’s his name? Michael

9. Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What’s her name? Emma

10. What are you craving right now? A roll in the hay

11. What was the last thing you cried about? I don't recall

12. When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it? I keep it and put it in a red penny piggy bank on my kitchen counter

13. What color is your tissue box? Blue

14. Do you have a ceiling fan in your bedroom, and if so, is there dust on that fan? Yes, and yes

15. What was the last voicemail you received about? My prescription is ready for pickup.

16. Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? No.

17. Scariest thing you’ve experienced in the last year? My uncle's rapid mental deterioration. In retrospect, I see that it made his death a blessing, and it was selfish of me to want him to live on and continue suffering.

18. Do you wear a name tag at work? No. Because I don't like the photo. I keep mine stuffed in a pocket.

19. What kind of car do you want? One that comes with a driver.

20. What do you order when you go to Burger King? Whopper Jr., no tomato, extra catsup, small Coke.

Shocked woman/Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Haven't posted much about this because I don't know much about this

My oldest friend's very troubled 21-year-old son has been admitted into a mental health facility outside Los Angeles. I don't have the details of this specific incident, but I do know that he is a depressed, chain-smoking, pot-smoking asthmatic who has given up eating to such an extent that he has done damage to his heart muscle. He can literally sleep for days at a time and is given to rages that leave tables as kindling and put holes in walls and doors. I just hope that this time he didn't use his fists on his mother or sister.

He was in and out of two hospitals in 2008, but he managed to convince his mother that somehow everything would be all right. I hope this time she can be convinced to leave him in the hospital where he is. If he had cancer, she wouldn't believe him if he told her he could treat himself. Mental illness is just that -- an illness.

She likes it! She REALLY LIKES IT!

For her graduation, I gave my niece a Beatles* wallet filled with cash to use now and giftcards to Bed, Bath & Beyond to help her decorate her first dorm room this fall. At the last moment, I decided to add a little something: a 2011 charm on a simple silver chain.

She thanked me warmly, for that is what she does. But since she is always so polite and grateful for the gesture, I wasn't sure if she liked the gift. That's why I'm happy to see her wearing it in all the Facebook photos of her with her friends, post-graduation.



* She's a huge fan, as all the best people are

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Remedy (I Won't Worry)

1. What's the remedy for you to stop worrying? According to my best friend, I "awfulize." Meaning I imagine a situation as bad, and then worse, and then as horrible as it can possibly be. Then I realize, "I can handle it," and it gives me the confidence to go on.

2. What is your favorite summertime beverage? Coke. It's also my favorite wintertime beverage.

3. Do you use any freeware on your computer? If yes, do tell. Nope. At least I don't think so.

4. What is one thing about your home that has to be just so or it drives you crazy when it comes to organization? My bath linens have to match, or Christmas will be cancelled.

5. Is there a specific subject you're especially curious about? A person? A region of the world? An animal? A field of study? The 1960s. Especially the Kennedy Administration, The Beatles and the British Invasion.

6. What do you consider your most interesting trait? I think very quickly.

7. What is something that really frightens you, and can you trace it back to an event in your life? I don't fly well. The impetus is when I was in a long distance relationship, flying between Chicago and Philly. The more I saw of airports and airlines, the less confidence I had in their attention to detail. Then 9/11 happened. Those visuals are something I can't awfulize my way through. My ultimate terror.

8. Who do you want to yell at to “get a grip!”? Most of the counter workers I have encountered at the US post office.

9. What do you wear to particularly look great for a party or event? I have a coral cashmere sweater I like myself in.

And I missed it!

I knew my neighbors -- a children's home -- were having their annual rodeo today. In the past that has meant a picnic in the street with hot dogs and popcorn,* country music and cowboy hats and a bouncy house. I got off work early this afternoon(1/2 days on Friday) just as they were packing up. I saw a small truck with a gate on the back, so I knew it was designed for transporting live animals. There was a distinctive odor in the air, and a chalk mark on the sidewalk was labeled: Pony Line.

There was a pony here today and I missed it!


* Forever courtesy of Newman's Own. God bless in perpetuity, Paul Newman.

Words to live by ... in any language

Two new phrases I will teach myself this weekend:

Libros y gatos. Vida es buena.
Mientras haya vida, hay esperanza.

OR
Books and cats. Life is good. and Where there is life, there is hope.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #127

THIRTEEN SOUNDTRACKS
PAUL MCCARTNEY
APPEARS ON

This is Paul McCartney's birthday month, and I'm celebrating by devoting each of my June TT's to his life and his career.

Today, here are 13 recent movies that wisely included his tunes.

1) The Social Network. "Baby, You're a Rich Man."

2) Dinner for Schmucks. "The Fool on the Hill."

3) Grown Ups. "Goodnight Tonight."

4) Did You Hear About the Morgans? "Dance Tonight" and "We Can Work It Out."

5) Evan Almighty. "Revolution."

6) Shrek the Third. "Live and Let Die."

7) Happy Feet. "Golden Slumbers"

8) The Lake House. "This Never Happened Before."

9) Cheaper by the Dozen. "Help!"

10) The Cat in the Hat. "Getting Better."

11) Love, Actually. "All You Need Is Love."

12) Bowling for Columbine. "Happiness Is a Warm Gun."

13) Vanilla Sky. "Vanilla Sky" (Oscar nominated for Best Original Song)


To find out more about Thursday Thirteen,
and maybe participate yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want less tension. We have a lot of work to do today in preparation for tomorrow's presentation. Some of it should be fun. Let's hope that as a team we can remember that.

Exchange of ideas

Had a pair of rather tiring meetings today. Both involved my boss.

The first had to do with a concept we're presenting to the client on Thursday. One of our account executives -- out today, celebrating her daughter's birthday -- left word that she wanted a revision she obviously thought was "no big deal" but I felt was a big mistake. I told my boss I was willing to do it, even though I was sure it was the wrong thing to do, but he had to tell me to. He had to make the decision.

We discussed why the absent account exec wanted to do it, why I thought it was a bad idea, and how I would implement it if he insisted. But he had to insist. I wasn't trying to be a diva, I wasn't being willful. I acknowledged her point of view but stated -- over and over and over -- that I thought she was moving us in the wrong direction and he'd have to be a boss and tell me to make the changes. At one point I got so desperately frustrated (remember, I was ready to make the change, all he had to do was pull the trigger) that I actually stomped my foot. Thank God for the conference room table.

Finally my boss decided on a resolution: To leave the project as he had approved it before the account executive reviewed it. Even though I had, technically speaking, won, the conversation was so animated and so lengthy that I needed a nap.

But I didn't get one. My boss then turned up in my office, asking for help with the performance assessments for the team (OOPS! I haven't done my self-assessment yet). I used to be a boss myself back in the day, so they come rather easily to me. But still, it took some time.

We got quite a bit accomplished. But it wasn't easy.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Feeling virtuous

We're busy at work. It's a good thing, I know. But it's made getting to health club at lunch time difficult. That's why I'm enormously proud of myself that I not only spent 20 minutes on the treadmill on the 40th floor, I listened to the Spanish alphabet over and over through my headphones as I paced. AND I had baby carrots with dinner!

Are you impressed? I am!

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Gifts...

Share on your blog movies that feature presents, gifts or other tokens being presented, linking back here at the Bumbles

The Wizard of Oz. Possibly the most famous gift in all of cinema. Glinda the Good Witch places the Wicked Witch of the East's ruby slippers onto Dorothy's feet and all manner of hijinks ensue.

Unfaithful. Diane Lane is a suburban housewife, having a hot'n'heavy extramarital affair with a sizzling uptown artist. Since they met on an insanely windy day, she thought it would make complete sense to give him a snow globe depicting the Windy City. Her living room was filled with her snow globe collection, so no one would notice that one isn't there anymore, right?

Funny Girl. Early in their relationship, Nick impresses Fanny with an exotic blue marble egg acquired during his travels around the world. At the end of the movie, as Nick walks out on her, the egg is still sitting on her dressing room table.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Team Jeffie Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

TRUE OR FALSE

Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? False

Q: Been arrested? False

Q: Held a snake? False

Q: Been suspended from school? True

Q: Sang karaoke? True (badly)

Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? True

Q: Laughed until you started crying? True

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? False (though I have tried)

Q: Kissed in the rain? False

Q: Sang in the shower? True

Q: Sat on a roof top? True

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? True

Q: Broken a bone? True

Q: Shaved your head? False

Q: Played a prank on someone? True

Q: Shot a gun? True

Q: Donated Blood? True

LAST PERSON...

1. You hung out with? My niece

2. You texted? My niece

3. You were in a car with? My niece

4. Went to the movies with? Hmmm ... I don't recall

5. Person you went to shop with? A coworker

6. You talked on the phone? My mom

7. Made you laugh? My mom

8. You hugged? My niece

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...

1. Sang? Yes

2. Listened to music? Yes

3. Danced Crazy? No

4. Cried? No

FIRSTS .....

1.Who was your first prom (or homecoming) date? Didn't go

2. Who was your first roommate? Never had one

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? Boone's Farm

4. What was your first job? Administrative Assistant

5. What was your first car? Ford Impala

6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? When I was in grade school. Our neighbor, Bill, died

7. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Kroch

8. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Fort Lauderdale, FL

9. When you snuck out of your house for the first time? I ran away from home when I was in first grade. I got to the corner and came back.

10. Who was your first best friend? My oldest friend

11. Who was your first Best Friend in high school? Judy

12. Where was your first sleepover? I don't recall

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? My best friend or my my oldest friend

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman? Mindy's

15. What is the first thing you did when you got up this morning? Peed

16. First time you tied your shoe laces? First grade

17. Are you Facebook friends with your first crush? No. Michael Landon is dead

18. Who was the first person you met from the blogosphere? I haven't met anyone from the blogosphere yet

19. What was the first music album that you bought? The Lads from Liverpool, of course!

20. Who was your first celebrity crush? Michael "Little Joe" Landon


Special Note from Sunday Stealing Meme-master Bud: Today, please click on the Team Jeffie website. Just say “hi” and wish him well. We're hoping that those of you with the time could also help our new friends Amy and Jeffie. Let them know they've got new friends that care. We hope we've been kind. God bless them. God bless you, our friends! Bud Weiser

Mi Día

The day started with me in Spanish class. Honest. I'm taking a two-day crash course in Spanish this weekend, three hours a day both today and tomorrow. My head is spinning! It's harder than I thought it would be and I'm not sure I recall a thing I learned this morning. Oh, well. There's still tomorrow's class and I have foreign language CDs, as well as friends who can help keep me sharp.

And then there was the repeat of last night's graduation. After the ceremony, my brother-in-law, nephew and I spontaneously ran out onto the field looking for The Graduate, my niece. My older sister took it upon herself to take my mother (who has difficulty walking) out to the parking lot and their car.

Now she's mad that she doesn't have any pictures of her daughter with her classmates. That's not my fault. It would have made more sense for my mother to stay on the bleachers when the rest of us circulated and snapped photos. Instead, she and my mom left the stadium and there was no re-admittance. We didn't compare notes beforehand, I wasn't purposely seeing that my sister was excluded from her daughter's graduation.

Afterward, my brother-in-law kept trying to get me to take the SIM card out of my camera so my sister could download my pix. Um ... no. It was 1:00 AM! My sister didn't need the photos right then and there. I said I'd download the shots and send them to my niece -- who gets photo approval. Apparently that's not convenient for my sister, who was being all pouty and passive-aggressive. Um ... I don't care.

This evening, when we were chatting, my mother told me how hard it was for my sister to print photos from the internet and would I please, please send my kid sister a CD with the pictures.

Je-sus! She can look at them all right now (my niece has downloaded them all to Facebook already). Take a chill pill. Or figure out how to print from internet. Or wait for the disc sometime this coming week.

It's not like my sister is thoughtful of my time. Ever. Nor have I ever promised to do anything like sending along a CD and not done it. And it's not like I did anything to keep my sister from photographing her daughter's graduation. I didn't even think about my sister when I was taking photos of my beloved niece on this special night with her friends. Nor, to be honest, did my niece ever say, "Have you seen my mom?"

Tengo pregunta: Por qué es mi hermana loca

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Best & the Worst

1. What was the best thing that happened to you this week? A very sweet and mutually supportive exchange with my best friend.

The worst? The ongoing project at work that I just can't seem to get right. I keep tripping up on the ®'s and ™'s. It's maddening.

2. What's the best thing someone's done for you (recently or not so recently)? Thinking about my niece's high school graduation reminds me of my own, when Cousin Rose took off work and drove down to support me.

What's the worst thing someone's done to you (again, recently or not so recently)? Stephen Doe, what he initially did to me and refusing to let it recede into the past.

3. What's the best thing about your job? The writing. I'm an advertising copywriter, and I enjoy coming up with ideas and crafting copy.

Worst? The nits and details and ®'s and ™'s!

4. What's the best new website you've found? The Shibu Inu Puppy Cam. Seriously adorable. My favorite is Charlotte (red collar).

Worst? Nothing comes to mind.

5. What's the best book you've read? Right now, because of John Edwards' current legal problems, Elizabeth's moving Resilience is top of mind.

Worst? Stranger in Paradise, a supremely disappointing Jesse Stone book by the usually great Robert Parker. No link provided because you don't want to read this ickfest.

6. What's the best movie you've seen? Bonnie & Clyde.

Worst? Love Happens.

7. What's the best meal you've had? I had heavenly lobster ravioli once. Sigh.
Worst? A trip to Boston Market that resulted in food poisoning.

8. What's the best holiday? Christmas.

Worst? Christmas, because I expect so much from it.

9. What's the best thing in your future? My best friend's birthday is coming up!
Worst? I'm very worried about my oldest friend. I don't believe she'll turn her personal ship of life around until she completely rams into the ice berg, and I just hate sitting around waiting for it to happen.

Thank you, Rep. Anthony Weiner

I got a chatty email from my friend in the Keys ... about Weiner Gate! I loved it! For my friend has been deeply depressed about losing his job, and this is the first indication I've seen of him "snapping out of it" and getting on with his life. He's even interviewing outside of the teaching profession, investigating how to begin his next chapter! This is all such good news.

I'm also embarrassed to report that my friend -- a man -- was more worried about the emotional welfare of the woman who received the text than I was. I was too busy snickering about "Weiner's weiner." Shame on me.

It's Graduation Day

It's hard to believe that the pre-schooler who used to insist we play act The Lion King by announcing, "You be Simba and I'll be Nala" is graduating from high school at 7:00 on Friday.

In fact, I'm not sure I do believe it.

She's been a distracted little bitch lately, but that's because she's so stressed. She wants out. She's mad at her mother, worried about money, and done/done/done (!) with this chapter of her life. I don't like it, but I understand it.

Still, that's why, though I admire the woman she's becoming, right now I really wish that instead of sitting in that hot auditorium watching the ceremony, she and I could just go off by ourselves, back to the park, where we could sit on the black top and pretend to be Simba and Nala, making our lunch out of the leaves and branches we find along the fence.

Thursday Thirteen #126

13 FAMOUS SOUTHPAWS

June is Paul McCartney's birthday month, so my June TT theme is All Macca/All the Time. Beginning with this one.

When you see photos of the Beatles performing, it's easy to spot Paul because his bass is pointing the other way. He's in illustrious left-handed company ...

1) Bill Clinton
2) Thomas Jefferson
3) Julius Caesar
4) Michelangelo
5) Mark Twain
6) Judy Garland
7) George Michael
8) Seal
9) Charlie Chaplin
10) Anthony Perkins
11) Jon Stewart
12) Monica Seles
13) Mike Tyson

and, of course, Sir Paul McCartney

To find out more about Thursday Thirteen,
and maybe participate yourself, click here.

He's got the best ideas and the biggest heart

Every movement starts with an idea. President Clinton's idea for changing the world has created jobs in underserved areas, advanced access to life-saving medical treatments, rebuilt communities devastated by disaster, and expanded adoption of climate change solutions.

Sign the pledge to signal your support for President Clinton's life-changing work -- I already did! www.action.clintonfoundation.org/clintonfoundation/pledge

I Want Wednesday

I want roller skates. Or maybe a skateboard. I think it would make getting around the office more fun if I could gliiiiiiiiiide.

Hello, old friend

Isn't there something especially wonderful about icy, icy cold vodka?

Here we go again

I love my friends very much, but often I don't get them. First my oldest friend becomes almost paralyzed by depression, unable to even find a lawyer -- much less contact her -- to protect her own interests. Now my friend from Key West is behaving in much the same way. Unexpectedly losing his job as a professor in the local community college has left him barely able to function.

I researched lawyers for both of them and even contacted one, drafting a letter, on behalf of my oldest friend. They are the ones who initially believed they could sue and win, not me. But I do all the leg work and then ... nothing. My friend in the Keys is struggling even to make his way through the severance packet from the college and apply for unemployment benefits.

If you read this humble blog regularly, you know I'm no stranger to depression myself. I believe that my messy home and finances are the physical manifestation of it. I'm easily distracted by escape into books and magazines and movies and the Internet, or I get hyper-involved in the problems of the world, and let the highly personal things go.

But, where my friends and I differ, is that when I can figure out how to improve something quickly and cleanly, I get on it. Like my consultation earlier this month with my shrink and my gyne re: my weight. Wean myself slowly off the Lexapro? I'm on it. Reduce my intake of carbs? Yes, indeed. Move more? A little more problematic because of my job, but I have worked out yesterday and today.

The same when I was unemployed back in 2003-2004. I called headhunters and checked job search engines and contacted my former employers Barb and Ed every week like clockwork. I considered it my job to get a new job, or at least freelance assignments. I didn't do it 8 hours a day, of course. Again, I'm too undisciplined and too easily distracted by TV and other toys around the house. Plus I got very involved with John Kerry's Presidential campaign, and that took up a lot of time. So I was never, ever frozen in place the way these two are.

It's frustrating. I love them and I want to help! Especially my friend in the Keys, because this is a condition I've never seen him in. (But, like my best friend recently wrote me: "As much as you want to you fix everything, you can't ... and that's OK.") In addition to that, I selfishly feel confused and isolated. I wish these people I consider myself close to were more like me.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This made me so happy

It's soooo humid today, it's easy to get grumpy and droopy. But not the little girl who was standing beside me at the light, holding her mom's hand.

"Look!" She announced triumphantly. "The sign says OPEN." I'm happy to report that the store she was thrilled was open on Memorial Day was a local, independently owned book store. An enthusiastic little reader! How cool is that?

Remembering

This Memorial Day, I'm stopping to reflect on the generations (and generations, and generations) who have died to protect our freedoms. I'm also thinking of my dad, who was born this month and served bravely in Korea, and my uncle, whose entire life was colored by his experiences in Viet Nam (and I'm still really pissed because of the role Agent Orange likely played in his recent death at 68).

If you have a moment today, please visit Operation Shoebox. They send shoeboxes filled with everyday essentials and little luxuries to those serving us overseas. That dog-eared John Grisham paperback you'll never read again because your know how it ends, or the plastic spoons you're collecting for no particular reason in a kitchen drawer could find their way to Iraq or Afghanistan, and be appreciated.

I admit it. I'm hooked.

I can't get enough of the Casey Anthony trial. Even though I had big plans for all I'd accomplish on this long Memorial Day weekend, I've done little of it. Instead I have been glued to the TV, watching the gavel-to-gavel coverage. And damn Judge Perry! He kept me from doing housework because he's decided to hold court on Saturdays in order to save the taxpayers money and get the sequestered jurors home to their families/lives sooner.

I am loving Judge Perry. And I wonder how long I'll be haunted by Caylee's eyes. Casey's, too. For while I certainly don't excuse, nor can I even comprehend, how anyone could treat a child the way Caylee was, I also am not sure Casey Anthony is pure evil and nothing but. I'm not buying the sexual abuse the defense is proffering, but I'm not sure that something very weird didn't go on in the Anthony household.

But, of course, being terrified of her mother and bat shit jealous of her daughter is not a legal defense for Casey Anthony. But it is an explanation. And I am longing for an explanation.

At least I'm not "under water"

I'm reading the latest official county assessment for my condo. It's a good news/bad news situation.

On the one hand, this home of mine -- the biggest investment I'll ever make -- is worth 19% less than it was last year. Naturally this is not a feel good.

On the other hand, at least it's worth more than I owe. 44% more than I owe, to be exact. This makes me happy.

Also, while it never makes me happy to see my biggest investment is worth less than ever before, it's not all bad. After all, since my condo has been devalued, the upcoming property tax increase won't take such a big bite.

So I'm still financially afloat.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The "You Can't Be Missed" Meme, The Last Part

Cheers to all of us thieves!

46. Would you ever try to quit one of your addictions, or better said: Bad Habits? No.

47. Could you ever kill yourself to save someone else? Huh? You have to tell me a little more about this dire situation.

48. Does it matter if break up with someone or have them dump you? Yes. Not that it hurts any less in the wee small hours of the morning, but it helps to be able to tell others, "I left him, you know."

49. Would you rather have a turtle or a frog for a pet? Turtle. I had a little turtle named Bobby Joe and he was really neat. He lived in a little bowl on my desk and kept me company when I did my homework. He liked it when I turned on my desk lamp. Though I'm sure it was the additional warmth, and not a love of learning.

50. Would you rather spend a day with Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus? ALL day? Gaga. But I think either one would wear thin pretty quick.

51. Would you rather learn to play piano or guitar? Either one. Though I'm terribly non-musical.

52. We're going back to the day. Where did you get your kicks? Same place as now -- on a bar stool in my favorite dive bar.

53. What Asian country would you like to visit the most? Why? Hong Kong. I've heard it is unique and diverse.

54. Have you ever thought that a passer-by was the one (think James Blunt, here)? Nope

55. Ever told someone that your fake jewelry was really real? Nope

56. Where are the worst public restrooms? Taste of Chicago. You have to wait forever and then they're so .... icky. Fortunately my office building is not too far away and I can get us all in with my ID and we can use nice, clean, well-lit restrooms.

57. What song was the latest one that got overplayed really fast? "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green

58. What Friends (American TV show from the 90s) character are you most like? Monica, I suppose. Though if I could gender-bend, I'd go with Chandler.

59. When's the last time you had a Popsicle? Don't recall

60. What TV show from way back would you love to see reappear? thirtysomething. Though now it would be fiftysomething. On that show, I was very much like Ellyn, no question.

Pregnant Chic, ca 1960

These photos were all taken in Fall 1960, when Jackie Kennedy was between 7 and 8 months pregnant with John Jr. and helping her husband campaign for the Presidency.

The three-photo study is her watching the Kennedy-debates on a monitor.

I just love finding photos of her I've never seen before. I keep hoping that one of them will unlock her secrets.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Looking for a Love

1. When you were single, or if you are single, what's the best way to look for love? In all the wrong places. No kidding. The best relationships I have had happened with the least likely people. Fix ups with that guy you know who would be just perfect for me somehow never work out.

2. Have you ever cruised online personals, even if you're married for fun? What was the reason, or if you haven't, why not? Last time I did it was to see the profile for a stone bitch, aka Freakazoid Bitch, I used to work with. Loved her photo. Her prominent adam's apple still makes her look like a pre-op tranny. Tee hee.

3. Have you ever put up an online personal? If so, how was your experience? Yes. It was a million years ago, in the Chicago Reader, before the classifieds were primarily ... um ... "adult." It was fun. I got a zillion responses, only a couple were inmates, and I had several nice dates. It's how I came to meet a nouveau Chicagoan named Ted. He was completely adorable, gentle, with a black beard and friendly blue eyes. He regaled me with the tale of his youth in Oregon. His first car was tan VW and he actually got stopped and questioned by police who were looking for a homicidal maniac named Ted who drove a car like his: Ted Bundy. Gulp.

4. Have you ever answered an online personal? If so, how did it turn out? Never answered one. Sorry.

5. Have you ever had a good experience with online dating? If not, have you had a friend/family member have a good experience? Tell us about it! My older sister met her second husband through a dating service. They seem happy.

6. Have you ever had a horrible experience with online dating? If not, someone else? Horrible? No. I did have some unpleasant dates, but then, that just goes with being single, doesn't it?

7. Back in 2004, a friend threw her husband out because she found out that he was having cyber affairs/sex with 2 women in states FAR away from them. Do you think that cybersex is actually cheating? Nah. And it wouldn't bother me unless he was online all the time, playing with himself and others. I mean, I wouldn't want to find myself competing with a keyboard for his attention.

8. Do you have any suggestions for someone as to how to stay safe using a dating service? Nothing unique to dating services. Just the usual: take your own car, meet in a public place, keep your phone on and tell all your friends where you're going and with whom. I mean, what if you found you were out with the next Ted Bundy?

9. I've heard someone say, “There's Match.com and then there's everyone else." Is this true in your experience or someone you know? Sorry, but I don't know a lot about this. Guess I'm afraid of finding myself sitting on a bar stool across from Ted Bundy. (Not really, just wanted to use the link again. Though the Bundy story is the ultimate romantic buzz kill, isn't it?)

Melancholy about Moving Up

At the private school (K-12) that my best friend's daughters attend, there's only one graduation -- when a student leaves forever for college. Every other ceremony is called "moving up." And yesterday, both of his girls "moved up."

Pumpkin -- as he affectionately calls his freakishly beautiful (picture an adolescent Michelle Pfeiffer), painfully shy, highly athletic older daughter -- is moving up from junior high to high school. Princess -- his nickname for his outgoing, bubbly ballerina -- is moving up from grammar school to junior high.

Because Princess is so much more mature than her big sister was at that age, they seem more like one year apart than three. And they are both now as tall as his wife. Which means, he noted ruefully, "I don't have any little girls any more."

From the bad comes some good

I had dinner Wednesday night with my mother, my older sister, and her second husband. This is unusual.

For not only does my older sister live in Los Angeles, we don't really like one another. A year apart in age, my older sister has always felt insanely competitive with me. According to my sister's shrink and family legend, she was a sickly and emotionally fragile little girl who craved my mother's undivided attention. Because of my unplanned arrival at a crucial time in her development, she was deprived that undiluted maternal attention and never would get it. This has colored all of her relationships -- which she sees in context of me and my relationships.

If she were a character in a book, I would feel sorry for her. After all, she has been forever competing and measuring and evaluating life instead of living it. And, since she was the better student and has always been very pretty, it means that she seems to miss appreciating her own gifts.

However, since I am the younger sister of this real-life saga, and my real sin was simply being born, my attitude has always kinda been, "Get over it."

ANYWAY ... my sister and my mother have this complicated dance that has been going on for decades. Because my sister loves and needs my mother's approval and attention so very much -- and since she can't get it because not only do I exist but another daughter came along 8 years later -- she frequently punishes my mom. Most recently it's been withholding financial support (or even birthday, Mother's Day or Christmas cards). Yet they talk regularly on the phone, conversations that often leave my mother feeling sad because they are all about my older sister's wonderful life with her new husband, never acknowledging any concern for the problems my mother is facing in her own life.

It's a tiring situation that I try to stay as far away from as possible. Her trip to visit our mother left me wanting to pull the sheets over my head. So when I was invited out to dinner Wednesday, I was happy to go for my mother's sake, but nervous for my own.

I needn't have been. First of all, I got a terrific rib eye steak and sweet potato combo ... all courtesy of her new husband. Yea! Secondly, I was happy to see that my older sister is struggling with menopausal weight gain, too! Her symptoms are very different from mine (dammit!) but still it was a relief to peer into this window of shared genetics.

And most importantly, my sister seemed proud and felt important for all the help she's given our mother this week. That during her vacation time here in Chicago, she and her husband have taken our mom to a lawyer's office to get the bankruptcy back on track, to the DMV for a state-issued ID, to another lawyer's office to update her will,* and to Costco to stock my mother's pantry with a generous supply of non-perishables (like toilet paper and laundry detergent).

So it was all good! My mom seemed tired, having my sister staying with her. But unfortunately the two of them will never have a comfortable relationship and I can't help that. I'm just so relieved and happy that Wednesday went well, and that my older sister now gets it -- our mother needs her help.


* And I'm glad to let my older sister handle everything in regards to my mother's estate. My mom doesn't have anything and even if she did, I don't want it. I'd prefer my mother live comfortably herself.

I'm so proud!

Your result for The Psychopath Test ...

Criminal (non-felon)

12 Psychopath, 6 narcissist, 6 deviant

You scored between six (6) and twenty-one (21). This indicates that you probably have a criminal background, but one that does not include felonies. If you "deviant" score is eleven (11) or more but your "narcissist" score is nine (9) or less, you were probably a high suicide-risk inmate.

Your Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

• 

  You scored 12% on Psychopath, higher than 49% of your peers.

• 

  You scored 6% on narcissist, higher than 48% of your peers.

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  You scored 6% on deviant, higher than 46% of your peers.

Take the test yourself and let me know how you did. And try to tell the truth.