The Queen's Meme

Today's meme is called You Are On Your Way

1. You are at a party in a very bad mood. There is an obnoxious guest with a camera snapping pictures of everyone in sight. Do you allow the photographs or ask them to stop? What I have done in this situation is duck the photographer by periodically disappearing into the bathroom.

2. You are shopping and watch the lady beside you at the jewelry counter slip an expensive diamond ring in her purse. What do you do? I'd narc on her. A box of Kraft Mac & Cheese or a can of cat food -- that's stuff she may have to steal to keep body and soul together. An expensive diamond ring? Nuh-uh. Plus, are you aware of how corrupt and ugly the African diamond trade can be? That lady may not realize it, but I probably did her a great favor. No good can come from wearing something that comes from pain.

3. You are on your way to a black tie affair and running late. You are the guest speaker at this event and everyone is waiting for you. A police officer pulls you over for speeding. Do you make up a story or tell him where you are going and try to talk your way out of the citation? Tell us your excuse. Since I don't drive, I would have a much bigger problem. In addition to speeding, add grand theft auto. If I don't think fast, I'll neer get to the banquet. So I'll have to pull a Thelma, steal his gun, shoot holes in his trunk and make him climb in. I'm sure you'll agree this is the only reasonable course of action.

4. You are on your way downstairs on Christmas morning to see what Santa Claus left. There are no gifts under the tree. He leaves a note that reads, "You've been VERY naughty this year." What did you do??! I didn't do nothin'! I was framed. I was a patsy. I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU! C'mon, Santa! I want that Barbie 2009 Holiday Doll!

5. You are halfway through a first date with someone you really like. Suddenly your ex walks in and sits down at the table beside you. What do you do? Depends on which ex. The most recent two, I'd just ignore. My date probably wouldn't even notice my ex was there. One I'd flee. My date and I would just have to leave. And one ... sigh ... there's one I'd probably just gaze upon. I was sooooo hot for him! Date? What date?

6. You are on your way to meet a billionaire. She is going to give you enough money to live on for the rest of your life IF you can answer this question correctly: Which came first the chicken or the egg? I'd explain that it's a false choice, for a chicken without a rooster lays unfertilized eggs that never hatch. The question should be, "Which came first, the chicken and rooster or the egg?" Since I have p ointed out the folly of the question, do I still get the money? Could I get it in one of those giant checks like Ed McMahon used to bestow upon Publisher's Clearing House winners?

7. You are on your way to the sun and moon and stars for an intergalactic vacation. You crash into a rainbow. What do you find in your pot of gold? A NL pennant for my Cubs. (I never wish for the World Series -- that would be too greedy.)

A Merry Christmas Meme

From Miss K, of course.

1. Candy cane or peppermint patties? Peppermint patties. Preferably chocolate covered.

2. Sugar or gingerbread cookies? Gingerbread

3. Tinsel or beaded strands? I prefer garlands. I don't believe pets and tinsel should ever meet

4. Multi-colored or same-colored lights? same-colored

5. Flashing or still lights? still

6. Wreaths or mistletoe/holly? mistletoe or holly Wreathes. I don't think pets and mistletoe/holly should ever meet, either.

7. Rudolph or Frosty? Rudolph! Frosty's a dweeb.

8. Sledding or snowball fights? I love sledding! Though the "hill" we went to doesn't look that imposing anymore, now that I'm a grown up.

9. Snow or ice/icicles? Snow

10. Snow hat or earmuffs? Earmuffs. I don't do hats

11. Getting or giving? giving

12. Snow days or plow trucks? snow days

13. Stockings or presents? presents

14. Cookies & milk or letter to Santa? both

15. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Christmas Eve

16. Log Burning Channel or real thing? real thing

17. Cards or emails? cards

18. Shoveling or cleaning off the car? Shoveling. I remember that in the winter of 1967-68, I really came into my own as a shoveler.

19. The Inn’s manger or the animals? Manger

20. Mary & Joseph or The Wise Men? Mary and Joseph

21. Hot cocoa or eggnog? cocoa

22. Jack Frost or Little Drummer Boy? Little Drummer Boy (pah-rup-a-bup-bum)

Productive

Yes, I was! Got 5 letters written, approved and ready for tomorrow's client presentation. In case that doesn't sound like a big deal, let me explain --

I had to come up with two different ways to sell Personal Liability Umbrella Policies and three different spins on annuities. At times I think the writers around here who get to sell beer on TV have it easier.

However the day went by very quickly and I'm feeling quite satisfied with myself.

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

"You say you got a real solution
Well, you know We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait."

Rest in peace, John Lennon. And thank you for helping to shape the woman I grew up to be.

I can't decide

Diane or Mariska? Mariska or Diane? Which would I rather look like?
I'd settle for either one. Please, Santa. Grant my wish and let me wake up on Christmas morning looking like either of these women, and I promise I'll never ask for anything again.

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Black and White Pictures. Share on your blog those color-free flicks that stop you in your tracks and link back here at The Bumbles.

These are just the first three that sprang to mind:

A Hard Day's Night. The Beatles first movie introduces us to their personae (The Smart One, The Cute One, The Quiet One and The Funny One) and closes with a truly terrific concert sequence. Mandatory viewing for anyone who wonders what all the fuss was about.

My Man Godfrey. Made in the mid-1930s, this movie is just as funny and just as relevant today. It's an inspired screwball comedy filled with unforgettable characters, dialog that's snappy and silly and elegant all at once, and a dollop of social consciousness. Carole Lombard is luminous and wildly funny and, while to my knowledge no one ever clocked her, I think this movie could have earned her the title of (literally) The World's Fastest-Talking Leading Lady.

Some Like It Hot. The movie where Marilyn/Sugar admits to once having sold kisses for the milk fund and shares her philosophy of life: "It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you." It's good, ridiculous, escapist fun … and will leave you appreciating anew what a funny, funny girl Marilyn was.

Busy Day!

First I hauled a box over to Goodwill. How my place is still such a cluttered mess, I don't know -- but it is. I'll try to collect another box of stuff for next Saturday. Maybe that will make an impact.

Then I went home and celebrated my mom's birthday with her and my nephew. (He loves to party!) She enjoyed her gifts and the gourmet cupcakes I brought for the three of us.

Then I got home and did three loads of wash. It was especially tiring because The Saddest Boy in the World was hanging around the laundry room, just waiting for me. I wish he didn't like me so much. He's so happy to see me that it makes me feel guilty because it's so not reciprocal, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Happy birthday to me (part 9)

My friend Kathy has been under the radar lately, having very little contact with me or our friend John. She's had a lot of personal, professional and financial problems and had to move in with her daughter, son-in-law and grandkids. She says that she'll be in touch again, once "she turns a corner."

That's why I was so surprised and pleased that she sent me a birthday card with a ticket to this event at our church. It was funny and interesting and I'm glad I went. I'll shoot her an email after I finish this post.

While I had fun, I believe this is IT, the last hurrah of Galfest 2009.

Happy birthday to me (part 8)

My friend Kathleen and I celebrated one another's birthday last night. (Hers is right before Christmas, so this is about midway between.) We had shrimp bisque and oysters for dinner and then went to a community playhouse production of Little Women. Then we stopped for drinks and exchanged our gifts.

I love Little Women. Jo was one of my first-ever heroines, and it always makes me happy to see her come to life. I also love spending time with Kathleen. She has a real life -- a flawed but loving marriage, terrific but flawed kids, and a fulfilling but stressful job. She's a good friend, so I'm happy to see what a satisfying life she has built for herself.

The happiest $5 I ever spent

Every time I leave McDonald's I leave change in one specific gentleman's cup. He always cheerfully says, "Thank you for your blessings." It makes me happy to help and besides, it's a good reality check to see someone who views 30¢ as a blessing.

Before Thanksgiving, I got him a $5 McDonald's gift card. $5 may not have gotten him a turkey dinner, but it would give him a half hour out of the cold on a holiday, as he sat at a table and had a burger and coffee.

Unfortunately, he wasn't there! I was very worried about him. And I switched the gift card from purse to purse, hoping I'd run into him. I know I could have shared it with any number of homeless people, but I bought it for him and I wanted him to have it.

He was back today! He didn't have a very coherent answer to "where have you been?" because I don't think he has a good command of the calendar. (Hell, sometimes I can't remember what day it is, either!) But I gave him his Thanksgiving gift card and told him now he could go inside and get warm.

Today he didn't say, "Thank you for your blessings!" Today he said, "Lord!" and popped up and went through the revolving door. When I last saw him, he was in line, holding the card and looking at the menu board.

In my heart, I'm thanking him for the blessing. This is the best I've felt in days!

Really not funny

Those gatecrashing Salahis make me feel all skin crawly. I saw Washington columnist Sally Quinn say (rather condescendingly, I thought) that these two are just tragic publicity seekers and wannabes who need help.

I agree they may need help, but I think it's dangerous to underestimate how serious this is.

While I don't believe the President was in any danger with these two, let's not forget one of the most "successful" publicity seeking wannabes in history was a skinny little loser named Lee Harvey Oswald.

Please, get it together White House security! None of us wants to see that again.

Christmas Meme

A Yuletide Theft from Kwizgiver

Favorite Christmas…

01. Non-Jesus-related song? "River"

02. Jesus-related song? "Silent Night"

03. Santa-related song? "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"

04. Fictional character? Scrooge

05. Dinner’s main course? We had lasagna once. I liked that. But I guess I'm a cult of one because no one has ever suggested it again.

06. Dinner’s dessert? Cookies, cookies and more cookies

07. Scent (pine, gingerbread, candles…)? Gingerbread or cinnamon

08. Animated movie? Mr.Magoo's Christmas Carol

09. Non-animated movie? The Gathering

10. Personal memory? Waking up really early and seeing that Santa had filled my stocking

11. Story/Fairy Tale? Hardrock, Coco and Joe

That lasted almost two months

I refer to the fragile detente with one of my least favorite coworkers. Because she takes everything personally, she assumes I am blaming her or being "defensive" when I'm not doing either, and shit just escalates and, well, I'm just glad that I have that nice bottle of moderately priced vodka in my bottom desk drawer.

No one can tell what I'm drinking from this dull white coffee cup.

Accompanied by the King

I'm facing a rather daunting project just now: coming up with at least two different ways to sell annuities. (Yes, my job is glamorous.) I need a little extra strength, a little more reinforcement. Who better for a girl turn to? As soon as I got into the building this morning, I knew I needed me some Elvis.* No one else would do.

Right now he's singing "See See Rider."

*Note to Snarky: Is this what you meant when you said that they often talk to me through music?

One of my favorite romances!

I'm watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer again this year, and I just love the love story. Clarice will risk life and limb for her man (reindeer?), red nose and all.

Yuletide love rocks!

Still my favorite Christmas CD

Back when music was still pressed into vinyl, this was the first album of Christmas music I ever bought for my very own. Maybe that's why it's still my favorite. Or maybe it's how sweet and soft her voice often is as she sings holiday songs. I especially love her rendition of "White Christmas." If you haven't got this one yet and you're looking to add to your collection of Christmas music, I recommend Streisand's first, titled simply A Christmas Album.

I Want Wednesday

What do you want from your children (or from the children in your life, if you're chidless)?

I hope that this Christmas Eve, my now ten-year-old nephew puts down the Nintendo DS and interacts with us more. I know he's eager to play with the new games he finds under the tree, but I'd like my Christmas memories to include more than a view of the top of his head as he tries to reach the next level.

To play along yourself, click here.

Who knew?

My blood plasma is yellow! How cool is that?

This evening I was a first-time platelet donor. It was neat. My arm is stiff because it took over an hour, but it was fascinating to watch the plasma separated from the whole blood. I think I'll do it again some time.

You were on my mind

Watching President Obama pledge 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, my mind goes back to 1971, when I was still a kid, and John Kerry was a returning Navy hero. Testifying before Congress, Lt. Kerry asked, "How do you ask a man to be the last one to die in Viet Nam? How do you ask a man to die for a mistake?"

I want to support my President. I hope he is right. But the long-ago questions of a 27 year old John Kerry are still echoing in my mind.

Fortunately I don't have to eat it

Paws Premium Salmon Cat Food is the foulest smelling gunk I have ever spooned onto a dish. I mean, it's vile.

It does, however, meet the nutrition requirements (especially in ash content) and my cats seem quite pleased with it. So we will finish this can. But we're never revisiting it again!

Heads or Tails

The theme/prompt for this week is Heads -- Proud.

I feel very accomplished because I replaced the grout between two rows of tiles in my shower. I have never done such a thing before! This was a task I would have, in the past, handed over to a handyman. But because I'm economizing, I did this myself.

This left me feeling self-sufficient and proud.

To play along yourself, click here.

PS Thanks to Miss Skittles at HoT for naming my musings Blog of the Month!

The Queen's Meme -- The Shopping Madness Meme

1. What is your favorite item to shop for and why? Handbags. Because I love them.

2. Quality vs. Price. Will you buy off-brand replicas at a discount store or must you have the real thing? Why or why not? Quality vs. price is a false choice. For me, it's quality vs. quantity, and quantity wins every time.

3. Have you ever asked a sales clerk to remove something from display if it is the last one in the store? Tell us what special something would make you strip the clothes off a mannequin. I asked the sales clerk at Pier One to take the very last green table lamp out of the display. Does that count? The whole apparel thing would never happen because I'm not quite 5'2, and even the mannequins are taller than I am.

5. I really don't care if a guy goes shopping with me. I'm in my own zone and always have a plan. Are you an alone-shopper or would you like to have company? I'm an alone shopper for myself, but I do enjoy accompanying guys when they shop. They're so cute.

6. Have you ever done anything other than actually try on clothes in a dressing room? (I have no idea why this question followed the previous one. Ahem.) Yes. I sat on the fitting room floor at Carson's, waiting for my first-ever migraine to pass. I'm sorry I don't have a sexier incident to report. You have no idea how sorry I am that I don't have a sexier incident to report.

7. Do you like or do you get annoyed when salesclerks and store management follows you around asking "May I help you?" a million times? (I have no idea why this question followed the previous one.) Yes. Especially at Nordstrom's. Some people equate that attention with service. It feels like stalking to me.


8. Create your very own store-brand name. (ie; Toys 'R Us, WalMart) What would YOUR establishment's name be? Place the name on this sign. When we are finished with this meme, I'll put them all together and we'll have our very own shopping mall. As you can see, I created my own sign. The photo is just soooooo perfect for the way I'm living right now.

To play along with the Queen, click here.

Movie Monday

Documentaries You'd Like to See Made. Go to your blog and create your own post on the topic, linking back to us in your post.

My choice was inspired by Molly's suggestion of a documentary about the life of a maid. Author Barbara Ehrenreich wrote about her life as a maid, waitress, retail clerk, etc., and how hard it is to get by on minimum wage. The book, Nickel and Dimed, is not that well written (the author can't keep herself out of the stories), but the people she meets are unforgettable. There's a great deal of camaraderie and generosity among the laborers she encountered, and these people were often as inspiring as their lives were challenging. I'd love to hear them speak for themselves on camera.

Point. Click. Give.

I'm big on toy drives. Maybe it's because I work in advertising and am especially sensitive to how often kids see messages about toys and gifts and Santa. What about kids whose parents can't afford to come through with toys? Do they feel angry, disappointed, less loved? It makes me crazy. Christmas is supposed to have a little magic to it, especially for children.

So this weekend I made a little of my own magic. I dropped a plush black bear (purchased by my mom for this specific purpose) into the Toys for Tots bin and donated a book to The Today Show Toy Drive via Amazon.com.

I hope you'll do something similar. During the Recession, as consumers tighten our belts, charities have to do more with less and can use as much help as we can spare.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Tell Me About Yourself Meme

1. When is your birthday? November 22. I am still celebrating, in case you wish to get me something.

2. Where were you born? Elgin, Illinois

3. Where do you live now? Just outside Chicago

4. What is your heritage? German and Irish

5. Tell us about a weakness. Pogo. Currently Boggle Bash.

6. What's a goal that you'd like to achieve? Rid myself of so much of the paper around here! Sometimes I think my home is a paper plantation.

7. What is the most overused internet phrase? LOL or LMAO or any variation thereof.

8. What was your first thought this morning? "Is it Saturday or Sunday?"

9. When do you usually go to bed? Around midnight

10. Do you smoke? If not, did you ever? Never even tried it.

11. Do you like your current relationship status? At times.

12. Do you (or did you) get along with your parents? At times.

13. How often do you drink alcohol? Two or three times a week.

14. Have you ever tried drugs (that weren't prescribed)? Yes.

15. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? If yes, do tell. No.

16. If given the choice, how would you like to die? Suddenly, and with no time to worry. Hit by a speeding car would be fine.

17. What did you want to be when you grew up? Taller. Yuk, yuk. Get it?

18. Have you ever been dumped? Yes. It is not fun. If you have never been dumped, you're really not missing anything.

19. What's on your pizza? Plain cheese is good. Cheese/sausage is a close second.

20. Have you ever shoplifted? No. Which is geekier: not having shoplifted or never having smoked?

Mad or sad?

Can't stop thinking about my dinner with John last night. I keep tossing the events around in my head and they leave me unsettled.

I enjoyed the movie and the meal. I am so tickled with my birthday gifts, because they were so obviously, thoughtfully chosen with me in mind.

But John's so obviously ill! Tenacious cough and shortness of breath. Complete lack of patience in others. He kept worrying and whining about the crowds he anticipated us encountering downtown yesterday (Black Friday). But there were no crowds in the neighborhood we were in -- after all, the only businesses around there are a multiplex movie theater, a bowling alley, a Walgreen's and some high-end restaurants ... hardly the places that offered "door buster" Black Friday deals. He walked so slowly and had trouble with stairs.

He is 55 years old and suffers from congenital heart failure, yet he refuses to get a pacemaker, or even a flu shot! (Both of which were recommended by his doctors.) While he has cut way back on his drinking, and I saw him finish the mixed vegetable side he had with dinner last night, he doesn't exercise as he knows he should.

He does keep his regular doctor appointment -- he has one this Friday -- but what good are they if they don't act on his doctors' advice.

I have known John for 30 years. During that time we have seen each other through so much: burying family members, falling in love and having our hearts broken, movies and concerts and parties.

I don't want to lose him! And I don't know why he's choosing to not get better!

I feel so helpless.

I'm NOT a Scrooge!

You Are a Minimal Christmas Tree

You're not a total Scrooge, but you feel no need to go overboard at Christmas. Less is more, and your Christmas reflects refined quality.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

Found this quiz (where else?) at Kwizgiver's.

Happy birthday to me (part 7)

My dear old friend, John, and I went first to the movies and then to dinner. It was a quiet birthday celebration, at least by our standards, but it was nice.

The movie was a small indie film called An Education. It's a gem. Jenny, at 16, is as disaffected as I was during my high school years, only she's far more beautiful and poised.

Then we went to PJ Clarke's for dinner. I had a cheese omlette and a bag full of presents. My favorite was a portrait of Sir Paul that my friend picked up at a street fair earlier this year. I'm very happy with it.

The only dark cloud on my birthday horizon is that John's not well. He has a cold and a peristant cough and tires easily, which worries me because he suffers from heart disease. He also is reluctant to get a flu shot, which makes me nuts. I pointed out to him that between his age (55) and his heart trouble, he simply must get the shot. He said he'd "consider" it. I don't believe him, but I have learned over the years that if I pressure him he just tunes me out.

We'll see

I just replaced the grout between a row of tiles in my shower. I have never done anything like this before, and it was easier than I anticipated that it would be. This worries me a bit. I hope when I check on it again in an hour, I will still be happy with what I see, and when I'm able to shower again tomorrow, I will find my efforts did the trick!

Happy birthday to me (part 6)

Is ABC airing this for me? I think so.

I'm watching Good Evening New York City as I post this. I still love him so.

In addition to the laundry (see post below), I scrubbed the litter boxes clean. (There is a domestic chore I hate more than laundry, and that's it.) Then I went over to my sister's for Thanksgiving. It was very nice. The food was good, and we celebrated my birthday as a family. My nephew and I went WII bowling in the family room, my brother-in-law and I talked grout, I introduced my nephew to Kittenwar! And I got gifts. Yea!

It was a good day, and I'm thankful for that. I'm glad my sister and I managed to behave. It means so much to my mom.

It's been a nice holiday, but I'm going to sleep well tonight.

My virtuosity continues

Not even noon and I have completed three loads of laundry (lights, darks and whites req. bleach). I hate doing laundry, and I'm relieved to have it behind me for another week.

There's about three hours until I leave for my mom's. Wonder if I'll do anything else productive ... I admit my virtuosity is surprising even me.

Feeling ambitious and virtuous

I am going to scrub my tiny bathroom from stem to stern and then sort my laundry before I go to bed tonight. I promise myself this. Let's see how I do ...

Aren't they something?

Seeing them at their first state dinner, I'm so glad the Obamas represent me.

No, I'm not 100% sure I like where healthcare is going. While I agree Gitmo had to close, I'm not sure I consider civil trials a more attractive option than military tribunals. The thought of being in Afghanistan for 4 or 5 more Thanksgivings makes me a little queasy.

All that said, I'm proud that the Obamas are who the world sees. They are wise enough and confident enough to believe what JFK said, "Civility is not a sign of weakness." They make me smile.

Heads or Tails -- Soft

Make any kind of post using any form of the word "Soft".

You just know that everything about her -- her coat, her purr, her grip as she holds you with her paws -- is going to be soft. Makes me just want to pick her up and rub her against my cheek!

To play along, click here.

Happy Birthday to me (part 5)

One of the art directors and I went downstairs for a delicious (I had the lobster roll) celebratory lunch. I also had a rather potent gin blossom. Fortunately, we're slow here today so at most I can only do a little damage.