The Queen's Meme

Today's meme is called You Are On Your Way

1. You are at a party in a very bad mood. There is an obnoxious guest with a camera snapping pictures of everyone in sight. Do you allow the photographs or ask them to stop? What I have done in this situation is duck the photographer by periodically disappearing into the bathroom.

2. You are shopping and watch the lady beside you at the jewelry counter slip an expensive diamond ring in her purse. What do you do? I'd narc on her. A box of Kraft Mac & Cheese or a can of cat food -- that's stuff she may have to steal to keep body and soul together. An expensive diamond ring? Nuh-uh. Plus, are you aware of how corrupt and ugly the African diamond trade can be? That lady may not realize it, but I probably did her a great favor. No good can come from wearing something that comes from pain.

3. You are on your way to a black tie affair and running late. You are the guest speaker at this event and everyone is waiting for you. A police officer pulls you over for speeding. Do you make up a story or tell him where you are going and try to talk your way out of the citation? Tell us your excuse. Since I don't drive, I would have a much bigger problem. In addition to speeding, add grand theft auto. If I don't think fast, I'll neer get to the banquet. So I'll have to pull a Thelma, steal his gun, shoot holes in his trunk and make him climb in. I'm sure you'll agree this is the only reasonable course of action.

4. You are on your way downstairs on Christmas morning to see what Santa Claus left. There are no gifts under the tree. He leaves a note that reads, "You've been VERY naughty this year." What did you do??! I didn't do nothin'! I was framed. I was a patsy. I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU! C'mon, Santa! I want that Barbie 2009 Holiday Doll!

5. You are halfway through a first date with someone you really like. Suddenly your ex walks in and sits down at the table beside you. What do you do? Depends on which ex. The most recent two, I'd just ignore. My date probably wouldn't even notice my ex was there. One I'd flee. My date and I would just have to leave. And one ... sigh ... there's one I'd probably just gaze upon. I was sooooo hot for him! Date? What date?

6. You are on your way to meet a billionaire. She is going to give you enough money to live on for the rest of your life IF you can answer this question correctly: Which came first the chicken or the egg? I'd explain that it's a false choice, for a chicken without a rooster lays unfertilized eggs that never hatch. The question should be, "Which came first, the chicken and rooster or the egg?" Since I have p ointed out the folly of the question, do I still get the money? Could I get it in one of those giant checks like Ed McMahon used to bestow upon Publisher's Clearing House winners?

7. You are on your way to the sun and moon and stars for an intergalactic vacation. You crash into a rainbow. What do you find in your pot of gold? A NL pennant for my Cubs. (I never wish for the World Series -- that would be too greedy.)