THURSDAY THIRTEEN #139

THE IPOD SHUFFLE
THIRTEEN SONGS CHOSEN AT RANDOM

Aka The "yeah-I'm-a-Baby-Boomer-what-of-it-don't-judge-me!" Edition

1. Brilliant Disguise. Bruce Springsteen

2. New Kid in Town. The Eagles

3. Needle in a Haystack. The Velvelettes

4. Super Duper Love (Are You Digging on Me?). Joss Stone

5. Lowdown. Boz Scaggs

6. Smoke from a Distant Fire. John Townsend



7. Sometime in the Morning. The Monkees

8. San Quentin. Johnny Cash

9. Authority Song. John Mellencamp

10. Crackers. Barbara Mandrell

11. You've Got a Friend. Dusty Springfield

12. Band on the Run. Paul McCartney & Wings

13. I Would Die 4 U. Prince

For more information, or to play along yourself, click here.

I'm sooooo tiredll

All I have done today is sleep. It's wearying, having a cold and waiting for surgery. I'm glad the wait is almost over.

At least I hope it is. I'm still coughing. It's possible that under these circumstances the anesthesiologist will feel squeamish about putting me under. The physician's assistant I spoke to feels it's unlikely, since my chest x-ray was clear and my bloodwork shows no infection, but it's ultimately up to the anesthesiologist. I'll find out tomorrow.

It's maddening! But no more maddening than the snafu I encountered this morning. The hospital where I'll be having the surgery called and said they never received my bloodwork. Neither did my oncologist's office! I visited the lab back on August 27. (I know because I blogged about it! Today was a great moment in my personal blog history, because I actually pulled up that post when I called the lab to confirm which day I appeared in their waiting area.)

That was finally straightened off after much time on hold, listening to tinny piano instrumental muzak. Then I found out that the insurance company never submitted the necessary short-term disability paperwork to my doctor. I'll call them tomorrow. I just couldn't cope with being on hold another moment today.

Tom the account guy gave me a card. Dave the art director brought me more movies to watch during my convalescence. I got lots of hugs. Lana took one last opportunity to tell me about her doomed romance, and it was nice to be reassured she's fond of me and to be distracted from my upcoming "gutting." I attended a status meeting and kicked off a project that will be presented before I return. That was weird.

My boss was weird, too. I asked him if he was sure he'd still need me in six weeks and instead of, "of course," he said, "we'll see." Then, after he saw my face he added, "Don't worry, we'll save some work for you." Bastard.

I gabbed to my oldest friend for a while. She was great, as only she can be. I must remember this. She walked me through the hospital process and made me laugh along the way. She can always make me laugh and she knows how to chill me out. And I know she loves me. Important to remember!

Kathleen gave me a ride home and reassured me about cancer. She, after all, would know that even if I have it, it doesn't have to be dire. Then I got home and slept on the couch.

It's been stressful.

Lucy! You got some 'splainin' to do!

My "I Love Lucy" alarm clock has suddenly become unreliable! I won't find out my surgery time until tomorrow, but what if it's like 6:00 AM or something? I must have a dependable alarm clock. Lucy, Ethel, I'm sorry. I love you girls but I have to call in back up.

It seems everything around me is breaking or falling apart!

Nice

One of my usually annoying coworkers asked me to lunch today to one of my favorite restaurants, Ada's. One of the reasons I love Ada's is the chicken soup comes in these huuuuuuge bowls and I still have a cough. She told me about her long holiday weekend, including the man who kissed her Saturday night on the train, and she listened to me cough and fret about surgery. On the way back to the office, I acknowledged that it must not exactly be a party to be near me these days. She rubbed my shoulder and said no, I'm still fun to be around and it's OK. She was being so nice! I realize I'm a hideous drag. But I did sense it made her happy to be helpful.

I was touched, so I asked her if she wouldn't mind helping me out during my convalescence. I'm not supposed to do stairs at all, and there's no way to commute to the our office without them. The trains and our building are both stairs, stairs, stairs. I asked her if, towards the end of my recovery, she would take a day off to come out to my place, pick me up, and make the trip to work with me. A test run. She said she'd mark it on her calendar.

Sometimes people surprise you. I should be nicer.

The saddens me

I luxuriated in the inanity of the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. I bathed in the plate spinners, the ventriloquists, the impersonators, the clowns ... the acts I only saw during the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. And then there was Jerry himself. Mr. Maudlin. Extolling the virtues of the perFORmers, practitioners of the business known as show. Always finding new and creative ways to offend.

This year there was no Jerry! I never even tuned in.

I know I'm in the minority, since MDA made more than $2 million more than it did last year, with Jerry, but I'm not contributing to MDA anymore. For while I enjoyed watching and making fun, I always paid for the privilege. No Jerry, no Gal.

Yes, he's an ass. But he also dedicated a half century to publicizing this cause and raising a ton of money for it. He deserved better than he got this year. He earned the right to sing, "You'll Never Walk Alone" to children who will never walk at all. And if I can't make fun of the tastelessness of that moment, my checkbook stays shut.

He was right

My best friend is the Felix to my Oscar. A place for everything and everything in its place. I often ask him if his compulsion to clean doesn't add to his stress. He insists no, that it makes his life more comfortable and enables him to be more productive.

I think I get it now.

My home is neater than it's been in years. I have taken Hefty bags to the dumpster and 78 books to Goodwill. I've hung things up and put things away. It's by no means a showplace (I can still see 11 pair of shoes from here) but it's more organized. And it gives me an interesting feeling when I enter a room. Surprised, a little pleased.

"Invest in a Dream"

That was one of my concepts, presented a couple weeks ago and chosen by the client before the Labor Day break. And it was the last thought I had before I woke up with a start just now. Why should I be awakened by a dream about a relatively small project that went well? Why can't I turn off my mind and sleep at night but I can doze off on the sofa and waste an entire afternoon? Why is this fucking cough still plaguing me?

This blog is becoming a chronicle of how I'm unraveling before surgery, isn't it? Sorry about that. But I promised myself this would be an accurate reflection of who I am at any given moment, and right now my stapler cyst is casting a huge shadow over my whole life.

It's not all bad. I'm reminding myself to find the things that make me happy in life. Sunday, returning from the store, I walked behind a mom and her two little girls. They were close in age, perhaps twins but not identical, dressed the same. Gray blouses, pink jumpers and gray tights. Black sandals that kept coming undone. Dangling little white circles from their ears. I suspect that either the ear piercing or the longer earrings were relatively new because the one with the straight hair kept trying to keep hers still, pressing them against her head as she walked. It caused her to lag behind. It touched my heart and fascinated me to see two little girls appear so similar and yet in that moment I could see how individual they were.

My nephew and I talked on the phone -- he has a cough, too, and we didn't want to make one another sicker. He's very excited about his creative writing class. His teacher -- a man! still a glamorous exception in the sixth grade world -- handed out magazines and instructed the kids to cut out random pictures. Their weekend assignment was to write a paragraph about each photograph. My nephew was proud that his paragraph about the photo of a farmer and cow wasn't about the farmer and the cow, but about how good milk tastes on a hot summer day. He's confident his teacher will be impressed by the spin he put on the assignment and I'm happy he's excited about this class. After all, I turned creative writing class into a career, maybe he will, too.

OK. I have coughed, taken my temperature (still 97.1, which is normal for this Gal), dosed myself with cough syrup, swigged some oj and FB'd & blogged. This has taken a little over 30 minutes. I think I'm ready to try to sleep again.

Oh, how I wish this was all behind me and I was looking back on it!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 20 Questions of Doom Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Do you believe in Heaven? Yes.

2. Have you ever come close to dying? I very nearly got creamed by a cab. I think about it every time I pass the spot where it (very nearly) happened.

3. What jewelery do you wear 24/7? The lotus ring on my left ring finger.

4. Would you ever consider having plastic surgery? Surgery? No. Botox? Maybe. But that's an injectable.

5. What do you wear to bed? Oversized t-shirt and granny panties. Yes, I'm a hottie.

6. Have you ever done anything illegal? I jaywalk regularly.

7. Who was the last person that you touched? A cashier.

8. Where did you eat last? My livingroom.

9. Besides your own blog, are there any that you routinely read but never comment on? Yes, I've got a blogroll right there.

10. Ever been involved with the police? I briefly dated a cop. Does that count?

11. Do you talk in your sleep? So I'm told. I also snore and drool. Like I said, I'm a hottie.

12. Now a celebrity fantasy. Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend? The two Bruces -- Willis and Springsteen. I just lay back and let the men take turns doing all the work. Sigh. Heaven. (It's stunning how quickly the answer to this one came to me.)

13. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? I suppose I have. I measure myself against Wilbur's eulogy of Charlotte in Charlotte's Web: "It's not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both." That's what I strive for and at times I succeed.

14. Where do you wish you were? One month in the future, looking back on this period. I want to say, "Surgery wasn't so bad."

15. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Nope.

16. Is there any type of dancing that you love to do? Any type. I'm stunningly graceless.

17. Last gift you received? I can't think of anything.

18. Last sport you played? I can't think of anything.

19. Last place you went on holiday? Colonial Williamsburg.

20. Current Song? It's an oldie that my best friend used to mention to me when times got tough.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Money Grabber

1. Has anyone ever intentionally ripped you off? Or perhaps unintentionally? I have had my purse stolen twice. It sucks.

2. When was the last time that you made a quip that fell completely flat and embarrassed you? In my office a couple weeks ago. I was chatting with my boss and got distracted by an email that came in. It included a photo of Jon Hamm/Don Draper looking sooo fine. One doesn't expect to see such a thing in a business email! The pun I made after that was very lame. My mind was no longer on topic.

3. When you go to sleep, does it you need to be absolutely quiet or do you need a little noise (radio, TV, music or white)? Depends. If I need to get to sleep but I'm not tired, I need the TV.

4. Do you have a memorable "ripped clothing" moment in your life? No? How about in someone else's? (Come on, you know you have something to contribute!) I loved my John Lennon Rock 'n Roll shirt. So much so that I objected when my boyfriend really wanted to pull the scoop neck way down. He thought it would be make me hot, and under other circumstances it might have. But I really loved that shirt.

5. What's changed on your blog since its inception? ...a redo? ...a change of pace? ...or is it still business as usual? The template has changed a couple times.

6. Can you remember where you were in life ten years ago? If you could travel back in time and whisper something to yourself ten years ago, what would it be? "Don't take him too seriously."

7. Okay, let's have it! What's the craziest, most impulsive thing you've ever done? A few years back, while ringing in the New Year in Key West, I hiked up my slacks and went running into the ocean at midnight. It seemed rather natural and was nice and warm and refreshing. I wonder why no one joined me ...

8. If you were having a bad day what or who would you turn to for comfort? My best friend

9. According to the song White Rabbit, "one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small". If you were offered these pills today, which pill would you take and where would it take you? The one that makes me small. I'm big enough, thank you.

I can't do this right now

I can't worry about my oldest friend, her kids and the tumult that is her life. When I last heard from her -- on Wednesday -- her son was having "a tantrum like a 2 year old" because neither of his parents can foot the bill for his $25,000+ college education. He was banging the walls again, which left her with a broken light switch in the bathroom. Her fault, he maintains, because she didn't heed his warning when he told her to "not fucking talk to him."

I called yesterday.

I called twice today. And I'm back to hearing nothing but crickets.

I know she picks up the phone, sees it's me, and puts it down. I hate that. She knows I hate it. I've told her. Since it isn't her goal to punish me, I know it's that she's overwhelmed by the mess that is her life since she moved to the Hills of Beverly. And I know it must be especially heart breaking because this move was supposed to solve all her problems.

I love her and I'm genuinely sorry this is all happening to her.

But my feelings matter, too. She knows how terrified I am. That's why she gave way to that generous impulse to drop everything and fly out here to be with me. And I can't spend any more time or effort reaching out to her. It's exhausting me when I can least afford to be exhausted.

Now that's what friends are for

Last night my friend John and I met for burgers and drinks at the same bar we've been going to for ... um ... 30 years. Gulp. If those walls could talk! Anyway, he was swell, listening patiently to my obsessive worries and giving me wise tips on how to get by through my hospitalization and at-home convalescence. And who better? He's been in and out of hospitals a great deal over the last few years and spent weeks and weeks at home recovery.

His advice:

• Push myself. If, post-op, I can walk at all, I should.

• Stand up for myself. Don't let the insurance company "rush" me out of the hospital early. Play the "I live alone" card if need be.

• Don't rely on the pain meds too much.

• Tell Kathy. She's our mutual friend and I have been avoiding that conversation. I love Kathy but she can be sooooo difficult, especially when it comes to medical matters. I don't want to hear how, by having a hysterectomy, I'm a puppet of the male medical establishment, or that things like this don't happen to her because she is positive and won't allow them to. I just can't bear it right now. On the other hand, she does care about me and he's right, those feelings should be honored. She'd be so hurt if this all happened and I didn't tell her. And, besides, not telling her would put John in the middle. He doesn't deserve that. So I'll shoot Kathy an email next week.

John is a good friend. A faithful friend. I am lucky to have him.

Looking HARD for the pony!

One of the lights on my bathroom medicine chest just blew. I changed the bulb but it turns out the problem is in the fixture. AARGH! It's Labor Day weekend, it's not like I can find someone to come over and fix it for me. And, since I only have a grueling two-day workweek left before I go off on my medical adventure, it's not like I can take time off and wait for the handyman.

So I choose to look at it this way: I'll make do with one light in the bathroom until I'm feeling better, and then, during my convalescence when I can't go anywhere anyway, I'll schedule the handyman to come over.

He can replace the flapper thing in my toilet, too! I'll put together a list of handyman chores that can be accomplished when I'm laid up!

Do I sound positive? It's a victory of will over spirit, because finding ANOTHER thing leaves me feeling just plain shitty. (Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm trying to kill the drain flies in the kitchen, too.)

Me and Miche -- A love story

This one is for Kwizgiver.

I love my new purse. It's a Miche bag. A black base, or lining, that can be dropped into various "shells."

The size is perfect. The color of my first shell (right) is perfect. And when I switch to the second shell (which hasn't arrived yet), I won't ever wonder which bag I left my phone in.

One thing I plan to do during my convalescence is go through my handbag collection and decide what to part with. Miche will make that easier.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 30

The right words at the right time. I received this email today from my aunt/Godmother. I'm going to print it out and take it to the hospital with me:

Well, let's try to think of some positives in this whole experience you have coming up---

1. You will, indeed, lose weight, and I know you've been wanting to.

2. You will have some quality time with your Mom.

3.Your cats will love having you home. (Hey, what's that scamp Reynaldo been up to?)

4. It may take a bit of time, but you are going to get some things resolved and actually feel better.

5. You'll be able to read a book all the way through without stopping if you want to.

6. You can eat anything you feel like for a while.

7. You can watch some silly movies like "Hot Tub Time Machine" and and not feel guilty.

I know you are scared, and I do not blame you. you can obsess all you want. If good wishes and prayers can make it all better, you are home free- 'cause you've got them, Sweetie.

All of life, in one day

Today, I …

• Noticed how beautiful the sky was. The green of the Millennium Park trees looked so pretty against the clean, pale blue.

• Wrestled with a difficult project, but I think I conquered it

• Followed up with Cigna about my short term disability claim

• Was mad at my shrink for not submitting my bill to the insurance company yet, as I asked her to weeks ago

• Then got home to receive a message that she won't be seeing any patients at all until October 1, "family emergency." I think it's related to her husband's cancer. Now I feel guilty.

• Joked with Kathleen about my stapler cyst.

• Admitted I was afraid about my upcoming surgery to one of the (very nice) higher ups who came by my office to say he'd heard I was going to be out for a while, that I'd be missed, and (while he didn't want to pry) he hopes I'll come back healthier than before.

• Apologized to my mom for being so weird.

• Listened to my oldest friend complain about her selfish former in-laws and entitled son.

• Worried about money.

• Played with the new purse I bought.

I feel like at one point or another today, I felt just about every emotion. Happy, sad, guilty, cheap, wicked …

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 30

What Not to Wear. I saw my first episode of the new season! I like how the cameras drop in on the episode's subject a few weeks after the "big reveal." It's good to see if the new clothes, make up and especially hair are easy to keep up.

I'm soooo not good at this

I'm coming unglued, waiting for surgery. I really am.

Yesterday my oldest friend called to tell me she's NOT coming in to hold my hand. This is not a surprise. I just wish we hadn't have done this dance. It tired me, trying not to hurt her feelings while still surreptitiously working on Plan B: My Mommy. She's been very patient with me.

Then I read a letter from my insurance agency. I'm pre-authorized for Friday and Saturday nights in the hospital. Yea! Except for one thing -- Kathleen is on deck to drive me home from the hospital on Monday. That's what my doctor told me: 3 nights in the hospital. Kathleen is leaving town with her family on Saturday morning and won't be back until Sunday night. So I have no ride.

I spoke to my doctor's assistant and she told me not to worry about it. Insurance companies do what they do. She will see to it that if I need that third night -- and she's confident I will -- that I will get it. She reiterated that my huge stapler cyst, while creepy to the max, is most likely not malignant and that if the lining of my uterus is, we're catching it early. Okay.

Then there's my cough. See post below. I. Can't. Help. It! But because it's so disruptive, it's also top of mind. So when the lab called, saying they wanted to discuss my chest x-ray, I freaked out. I can't have this surgery rescheduled! I can''t! My x-ray is clear and normal.

I feel like I'm pulled as tight as a piano wire. I wish this waiting was done so I can look back on this surgery and say, "It wasn't so bad ..."

I. Can't. Help. It!

I have a bad cough. A hacking, horrible cough. I sound like a barking seal. I know! I know! You think I don't hear it? You think it's not hurting my throat? You think I don't miss breathing comfortably?

I don't have a fever. My chest x-ray came back clear. I cover my mouth with a tissue (a disposable tissue -- better than a sleeve). I only have four more work days until I take a month off -- I can't just stay home.

I. Can't. Help. It!

Today, while sitting in my office, I was visited by someone who had sat in on a conference call in the next office. "Are you OK? Do you need help? The client could hear you and asked what the noise was!"

I was mortified.

And if we lose an account because of my cough, I sincerely apologize.

Girl Power

I have been watching Gone with the Wind when I can't sleep. I know it's considered an epic and a love story. But to me, it's a portrait of two very different kinds of great women.

Scarlett is tough and shrewd. Yes, she's selfish and spirited. But she faces her problems head-on and deals with them. It was Scarlett who defied the odds and managed to keep a roof over the head of her family and food on their table. If you have only seen the movie, her fixation with Ashley might confuse you. So pick up the book. As Margaret Mitchell describes him, he's more Robert Redford than Prince Charles.

Melanie isn't as tough or willful but she is strong. Her strength comes from decency and faith and a good heart. She knows Ashley better than he knows himself, understands him and loves him anyway. Likewise Scarlett. Melanie's not the deluded fool, she's just wise and chooses to see the good. When times are tough, she's the one -- never Ashley -- who is at Scarlett's side, making sure they prevail.

Part of why I think Rhett rocks is that he sees both of these women -- and Mammy and Belle Watling, too -- so clearly and appreciates each one's uniqueness and good qualities. I can see him living comfortably in the new millennium. But not even Rhett is as powerful as Melanie and Scarlett. Nothing keeps Scarlett down for long, and the only thing that can stop Melanie is death.

(I'd like to be more like Melanie, but in reality I've got a lot of Scarlett in me. I have a very bad temper and a stubborn, unrealistic view of relationships.)

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 29

$3.99 on sale! Feline Pine, that is. My cat, Charlotte, is very loving and devoted to me and tries to be a good influence on wildcat, Reynaldo (alternately chastening him with a stiff paw to the cheek or affectionately tending to his ears and eyes, as the situation requires). But she hates my big old tomcat, Joey. She just does. Every day he tries to be her friend, every day she screams at him like a banshee and pounds on him. Never mind that she's a fraction of his size. Never mind that he lived here first. He simply offends her.

To the point that he's not allowed to ... um ... defecate in her box. I don't know how she enforces this, but she somehow she does. Joey is so much larger than she is that I can tell where he goes, and it's always in the other box, the one I refer to as "The Men's Room."

The Ladies' Room uses grainy scoopable litter and The Men's Room is filled with Feline Pine pellets. The difference in texture and scent make it easier for Joey to differentiate the boxes. Joey, a gentle giant with many sterling qualities, has never been the sharpest knife in the drawer and I'm afraid that if ever I switch brands in his box, it could lead to confusion and chaos.

I have boxes and jugs of scoopable litter stockpiled, but I forgot about Feline Pine. My convalescence could become very odoriferous and unpleasant without an extra sack of Joey's litter. So in an otherwise rather shitty day (no pun intended), Feline Pine on sale at Dominick's was the highlight.

"Hello, my name is Peggy."

This was me attempting to report my short-term disability claim to Cigna. Normally when I deal with them, everything goes smoothly. Today ... not so much. The rep didn't speak fluent English and we ended up just frustrating each other. (My favorite part: when she asked me if I have ever been treated by any doctor for anything before. She can't possibly have meant that question.) Here's hoping nothing was lost in translation.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 28

Movies! Not only the one I saw at the theater (see below) but look what I found on Comcast On Demand. The ultimate escape!

Movies are such a reliable, cheap high.

Thank you, Ryan Gosling

I have been obsessing about my upcoming surgery. I know that accomplishes nothing and I try not to do it, and yet ... Look, I'm about to be gutted like a fish in order to find out if I have cancer. It IS kind of a big deal!

So today I did what I always do when the going gets tough: I go to the movies. This afternoon it was Crazy, Stupid Love. It's a very funny, completely charming movie starring Steve Carrell. But the revelation in it was Ryan Gosling.

Last time I saw him was in Blue Valentine, where he played a loving but balding, underachieving pot-smoker/house painter. Jacob in Crazy, Stupid Love could not be more different. He's slick and snarky and funny ("the skin under your eyes is starting look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack") and oh, my!

It's a movie-stealing performance. I found myself waiting for him to reappear. And his Jacob made me forget about my compromised innards for a while.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The August 20 Question Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. What's for breakfast? Cheerios.

2. Do you read a newspaper daily? Monday through Friday. I read it each morning on the train to work.

3. What do you do when you can't sleep? Read one of the books or magazines near my bed for just that purpose.

4. Say a word that sums up your mood. Impatient!

5. Do you remember your dreams? Just the really wacky ones. Like the one where Burt Reynolds tries to intimidate me before I can testify against his son.

6. Name something from your dream last night. I can't recall last night's dream. Had to do with Hurricane Irene. I don't recall the specifics -- meaning Burt Reynolds must not have been harassing me.

7. Name a food that describes you. Eggs. I am a woman of many moods -- ranging from over easy to scrambled.

8. Today you are wearing: Shorts and a t-shirt.

9. What's in your pockets? Lip balm, a tissue and some change.

10. Did you sing in the shower today? Oh, God. I did. I sang along with Captain and Tenille on shower radio. "Do that to me one more time/once is never enough/with a man like you ..." I can't remember where I left my keys, but I have retained all these lyrics. Oh well, at least it wasn't "Muskrat Love."



11. What's the last song you heard? "Sweet Nothings" by Brenda Lee. It's on the soundtrack of An Education.

12. Looking forward to the holidays? Yes. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends in Key West.

13. Where do you want to be this instant? One month in the future! I want to be looking back on my upcoming surgery, instead of fearing it.

14. What's for lunch? There's some ham in the refrigerator ...

15. What's something you would like to do soon? Hug my best friend. I miss him something awful.

16. Reading anything now? What is it? Mini Shopaholic. Becky Brandon (nee Bloomwood) is Lucy Riccardo for the new millennium.

17. What's for dinner? That feels like a lifetime away!

18. A favorite part of the day is: Early evening as the sun goes down

19. Are you happy? Usually I'm happy. But at this particular juncture, no. I don't feel well.

20. Guess how many people will do Sunday Stealing this weekend? 41

Well, that's done

I didn't do much today because I'm feeling a little depleted emotionally. I went in for my pre-op chest x-ray and bloodwork. Then I stopped at the pharmacy for the pre-op bowel prep. Ew. Ick. I have an annoying cough. And I'm still as sluggish as I felt when this adventure started.

I want it to be a month from now so I can look back on all my fear and trepidation and say, "Now weren't you just being silly? Surgery wasn't so bad!"

JFK vs. Prince Charles

I'm watching a documentary on Princess Diana, and as always, I miss her. It would have been nice to see how that kindergarten teacher-turned-icon would have evolved in middle age. It would have been wonderful to see her touch more lives with her charity work.

I also think about how she compares with my all-time idol, JBKO. After all, their lives had more than a few similarities -- enjoying the adoration of the world yet deprived the fidelity of their husbands, tormented by the paparazzi, admired for both their fashion sense and their devotion to their children.

But one big difference between them was in their husbands. Prince Charles pined for Camilla Parker-Bowles, even as he was married to Diana. JFK had serial affairs but they were compulsive and carnal and he didn't understand why these "meaningless" flings bothered his wife so damn much. (Mad Men, anyone?) While each man's deplorable behavior had a devastating effect on his wife, it's easy to see how Jackie could comfort herself by believing she was her husband's one true love. Diana was deprived that solace.

Prince Charles was perplexed and annoyed by Diana's fame and impact on the public. After all, HE was the born royal, HE was the future monarch. JFK was too smart and confident to look at his life that way. He was proud of Jackie's star power and knew how to use it to his advantage. For example, their "triumphant" state trip to Europe was really Jackie's triumph. She was the one who created an international sensation. President Kennedy was embarrassed by his meeting with Krushchev and got nothing from DeGaulle, yet he basked in laughs and applause upon their return to the United States by announcing, "Perhaps I should introduce myself: I am the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris. And I enjoyed it."

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 27

"The happiest days are when babies come." So said the wise Miz Melly Wilkes in Gone with the Wind, and of course she was right. I woke up in the middle of the night -- a little after 2:00 AM -- with a sudden coughing jag and went to the kitchen for ice water. On the way back to the bedroom, I stopped at this here old laptop checked my email. Imagine my surprise to find a pair of baby photos and a birth announcement from one of the best people on the planet!

My buddy is a great guy, one of those people who does nothing by half measure. When he was single, he was one of the horniest horndogs ever, but he never lied to or exploited any of his hook-ups. He genuinely likes women. He's always been a dear, sensitive friend … a hardworking coworker who never skimps on the integrity … and an adoring son. From the time I met him nearly 15 years ago now, he always said that someday he wanted to meet the right girl, marry her, and have a happy home like the one his parents gave him.

Well, now he's truly on his way! After 3 years of marriage, and his wife welcomed a 7 lb., 7 oz. baby boy to the world. I am so happy for him, and for the baby who is going to be showered with love.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Fought the Law

1. Have you ever been on the wrong side of the law? Prepare yourself to be shocked by my lawlessness: I jay walked in front of a police car. It was the Chicago Loop! Don't they have real criminals to think about? Apparently not. A cop actually used his loud speaker to call me out for it. "Lady! Woman in the black coat! Stop!" Of course I didn't. He followed me for a couple of blocks and gave up. Sheesh!

2. What was the last thing you described as either “surprisingly good” or “surprisingly bad?” Ryan and Tatum: The O'Neals. I began watching it by accident -- it came on after the show on Sarah Ferguson I had been watching. I never watched Sarah again, but I never missed an episode of this show. Ryan reminds me -- for good and ill -- so much of my late uncle! Overwhelming temper, terrible regret and undeniable charisma in one volatile package. And just as my uncle loved his cat, Bennie, Ryan has an ineffable soft spot for a puppy named Mozart.

3. When was the last time you unintentionally surprised someone else? At the office. As I was reaching for the frosted-glass doors, someone suddenly opened them from the other side.

4. When was the last time you deliberately surprised someone else? I don't recall.

5. What was the last really funny movie you watched? Horrible Bosses.

6. What is something that you've never done that you secretly are dying to do? Cross Abbey Road barefoot.

7. What do you hope is different in your life by August 2012? I hope I'll be looking back on next month's surgery and thinking how much better I feel.

8. Who is the last person you greeted at your door? Oh, no you don't! These last two questions were asked just two weeks ago!

9. If you could live in any ancient city during the height of the quality of its society and culture, which one would you choose? The nerve!

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 26

Freedom from worry. I'm OK financially. Not as good as I should be, not as good as I want to be, but OK. And right now, to borrow from Bruce Springsteen, "that's all right with me."

Assuming the worst case scenarios for my September surgery, my hospital bill is estimated to be $13,000. My insurance covers 80%, or $10,400. That leaves me with a possible bill of $2,600. Of course I'm not happy about it, but I'm relieved and grateful that it's not the whole thing.

And I'm always getting balance transfer offers from the bank. I know I shouldn't rely so much on credit, but you know what? In this instance my conscience is clear. I wrote myself a BT check for $2,000 and deposited in the bank so I'll have cash on hand when the bill comes. Again, I'm not happy about this, but I'm relieved and grateful that I can cover my medical expenses without dipping into my emergency fund.

And today I met with the HR representative at work and I will be paid 100% for up to 8 weeks off, 50% if I must be off for 12 weeks. It's estimated that I'll be back to work in 6 weeks, so again I'm relieved and grateful.

So all I have to worry about over the next two weeks is my health. I realize that's something not every woman in my position can say.

Nothing but crickets

That's all I'm hearing from my oldest friend in California.

She offered to come out and hold my hand through surgery, sit with my mother while the procedure went down, and stay with me for a few days after I'm released from the hospital. I was afraid to trust her. For, while I believed she sincerely wanted to be there for me, I didn't see how she could. She hasn't been at work since February, living off workman's comp after a tumble at her job. Both her son and her daughter are very troubled. She simply doesn't have the resources to drop everything and come 2000 miles to help.

Yet she won't admit it. First she was angry and hurt because I was rejecting her offer. She reiterated that she would be here for me. PERIOD.

Last week she dialed it back to "gonna try like hell." Because now she may not be able to get a cheap flight, or her own follow-up surgery scheduled (!), or a high school counselor to come over every day and take her daughter (soon to begin her sophomore year) to school. And now there's no way she can be here for both the surgery and the aftermath.

This week I haven't heard a single word from her.

Is she embarrassed? Blue? Has her own surgery been scheduled yet? Is something happening out West that requires her to need my help? I get very frustrated with her.

But I must breathe deeply and remember three things:

1) This is who she is, she's not going to change
2) Her intentions were golden, and that matters
3) No one makes me laugh like she does, and it would be nice if she could make it out here. If not, well, I'm fortunate enough to still have my mom and my friend Kathleen.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 25

Peapod. My groceries were delivered tonight. I placed the order yesterday afternoon from the office, updated it last night from home (after I confirmed the ketchup situation) and they arrived at my front door tonight. One less thing to do this weekend, so I can get over and have my pre-op bloodwork done, and then concentrate on decluttering and cleaning.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #138

THIRTEEN OF MY FAVORITE

"MAD MEN" QUOTES

I love Don Draper. I love the 1960s. I even love "the ad game." So naturally I love Mad Men, and therefore am sad that the new season isn't set to premiere until March 2012! This TT is designed to help me as I jones.

#1 Don and Peggy

Don: It’s your job. I give you money. You give me ideas.

Peggy: But you never thank me.

Don: That’s what the money is for!

#2 Roger

“Well, I gotta go learn a bunch of people’s names before I fire them.”

#3 Don on his secretary, Miss Blankenship

"I would have my secretary do it, but she's dead."

#4 Roger

"Remember, every time God closes a door, he opens a dress."

#5 Trudy Campbell on the events of 11/22/63

"I don't care what your politics are. This is America! You just don't shoot the President!"

#6 Peggy seeks creative inspiration

"I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke marijuana."

#7 Don seeks creative inspiration

“What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.”

#8 Bobbie Barrett

"Pick a job and become the person who does it."

#9 Joan waxes philosophical

"That’s life for you. One minute you’re on top of the world, the next minute some secretary’s running you over with a lawnmower."

#10 Don

"If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation."

#11 Don and Midge discuss their future.

Don: Maybe we should get married.

Midge: You think I'd make a good ex-wife?

#12 Don and Pete discuss their future

Pete: I'd follow a guy like you into battle blindfolded. And I wouldn't be the first, would I, buddy?

Don: Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wind up pregnant.

#13 Don's way of getting past calamity

"Move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much this never happened."

To learn more about the Thursday Thirteen,
or to play along yourself, click here.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 24

Being known so well. Out of the blue, my best friend sent me a work-related memo to critique. Since we no longer work for the same agency and consequently don't know each other's projects backward and forward anymore, it took me a little time to figure out what it should say, and then to revise it so he's presenting his point-of-view in the clearest possible way.

We used to do this all the time. He has good, sound ideas, but he's not terribly visual. A little bold here, a few bullets there, breaking up his single seemingly endless paragraph helps. And I was happy to be of service. He hasn't asked me to help like this in a while.

When I sent it back to him, he responded with: "Thank you. Now was that a distraction?"

So he knew how tough days like yesterday are for me, he knows that if I'm left to my own devices I'm just going to obsess, and he was trying to keep my mind off my future surgery. It made me smile.

A better day here at the ranch

Today we have achieved just the right amount of busy for this old Gal. Client input came in reliably, turnaround times are reasonable, we're reviewing new creative internally at 4:00 ... It's not as maddeningly, deadly slow as yesterday was, but not as frantic as I feared today would be because our Thursday in-person presentation has been scaled back to a conference call. That means that, instead of needing everything in the world done before 6:00 this afternoon, we have until sometime tomorrow.

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Loooong rainy day

It's been pouring since before noon. My boss joined most of the account team for a presentation at the client's office, so there's no one available to review the work I've been concentrating on (and will be presenting Thursday). So I'm enduring that frustrating boredom that comes before tomorrow's flurry of activity. You'd think after 30 years of doing this, I'd be able to better calibrate my moods and reactions!

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net