I can't worry about my oldest friend, her kids and the tumult that is her life. When I last heard from her -- on Wednesday -- her son was having "a tantrum like a 2 year old" because neither of his parents can foot the bill for his $25,000+ college education. He was banging the walls a
gain, which left her with a broken light switch in the bathroom. Her fault, he maintains, because she didn't heed his warning when he told her to "not fucking talk to him."
I called yesterday.
I called twice today. And I'm back to hearing nothing but crickets.
I know she picks up the phone, sees it's me, and puts it down. I hate that. She knows I hate it. I've told her. Since it isn't her goal to punish me, I know it's that she's overwhelmed by the mess that is her life since she moved to the Hills of Beverly. And I know it must be especially heart breaking because this move was supposed to solve all her problems.
I love her and I'm genuinely sorry this is all happening to her.
But my feelings matter, too. She knows how terrified I am. That's why she gave way to that generous impulse to drop everything and fly out here to be with me. And I can't spend any more time or effort reaching out to her. It's exhausting me when I can least afford to be exhausted.
I'm glad that you see this, know it's about the drama she *allows* (yes, I said it) in her life and how you are choosing NOT to allow it in yours.
ReplyDeleteMy advice (not that you asked and you can tell me to butt out if'n you want) is to just release all that to the Universe/God/All that is and continue to take care of yourself. You've got some big stuff to address soon and you'll need all your emotional and physical energy to take care of it. Spend that capital on yourself and when you feel better, then spend some on her if you choose to.
Love and stuff to you. (You know I'll be doing lots of prayers and Angel chatting on your big day, right??)
What a touchy situation with your oldest friend. It stinks that you're worrying about her when you need to not be worrying about anything. Even though I know you're worrying about your upcoming procedure.
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