Saturday, August 20, 2011

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

1. In a relationship, have you ever hung in even when you knew for sure it was over? Yes. Partly because I was addicted to the drama, partly because EVERYONE had been telling me for so long that he was a dick and I was so used to defending him that it didn't occur to me I could leave.

2. If you had the ability to perpetually alleviate any pain on your body, what would it be? My gut

3. What place would you visit if money were no object? Chateau Elan, just outside of Atlanta. I haven't been to this luxury spa/vineyard in two years because it's soooo expensive and Colonial Williamsburg has a very nice spa, costs less and has that added shopping/historical thing going. But sometimes I just yearn for the beauty and pampering of Chateau Elan. It's like being in a sensory deprivation tank, away from anything in the outside world that can stress you out.

4. What is one thing you would love to change about yourself? My impatience/lack of discipline

5. Do you think your parents were too strict growing up? My mom was probably too lenient, my dad was strict about the wrong things.

6. In general, how many old friends do you have that you talk to at least once a year? I don't know how to answer this because I'm wondering if you mean"talk" literally, or if birthday/holiday cards and Facebook count.

7. What was the last compliment you received? "You're the glue that holds this team together." I heard that Wednesday afternoon from a coworker who is a bit of a hardass, which made it mean all the more.

8. Have you ever told someone you loved them but didn't really mean it? Yes. But I thought it was OK because I wanted to love him ...

9. In your opinion, would it be harder to lose someone close to you more as a child or harder as an adult? Oh, I dunno! It's never easy.

Friday, August 19, 2011

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 19

Cat naps. And I mean that literally. My big ol' tomcat, Joey, was asleep on my bed when I left for work this morning. When I got home this afternoon at about 2:00, he hadn't yet moved. Since I was home early, an exciting event, he roused himself and stretched contentedly. The sight literally tugged at my heart. He must be 15 years old now (he was an adult shelter rescue, so it's impossible to know for sure), and I'm glad he's so happy and has enjoyed such a good life.

Joey truly is an inspirationally happy soul, always has been. In the 13 years we have known each other, I have only ever seen him display temper once -- at the vet. And he's frightened by thunderstorms and leaving the house. But other than that, his life is completely copacetic. He loves all humans and felines he meets. He seldom turns his nose up at food and he never begs. And he always, always wants a good head rub.

Hey, Chicago, what do you say? Cubs are gonna WIN today!

There was a lot of drama within the Friendly Confines today. First the Cubs fired long-time GM Jim Hendry. I'm completely ambivalent about this. I believe it's past time for him to go, but it's always sad to see someone spend their adult life with a company and get the sack.

Then the Cubs won -- in extra innings! -- against the Cardinals!

Watching this game on one of my final short summer Fridays was a good way to try to get my mind off the screw up about scheduling my surgery. The oncologist and I had a date set (9/2). In order to get the paperwork started, his office asked me to call my gynecologist and let him know. My gyne responded that the oncologist couldn't possibly mean 9/2 and he would get to the bottom of it, and call me back today.

He didn't.

So I called my oncologist's physician's assistant and she said she'd get it straightened out for me ... by Monday.

Monday!

I need to tell them something at the office so they can hire a free lance writer in my stead and so I can get short-term disability pay. I need to let my friends know the dates so we can work out who can care for me (and my mom) and when.

I'm sick of waiting!

In the interim, I'm drinking pina coladas and watching the Cubs beat Cardinal ass. It helps.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 18

Hot dog and fries, outdoors! Near the hospital where I visited with the oncologist is my favorite hot dog stand. Because of this summer's oppressive heat, I haven't been there. But today, as a reward for being such a brave girl, I not only had a single (dog, fries and root beer), I dined at one of their picnic tables. There's something about picnic tables ...

Meeting with my third doctor

So today I had my first -- and hopefully only -- appointment with my oncologist. I really liked him. He was extremely blunt, but also thorough and I came away feeling confident that he knows what he's doing and is honest with me.

Unlike my GP and my gynecologist, his focus isn't on my ginormous ovarian cyst. He seemed more interested in the build up of the lining of my uterus, unusual and unnecessary for a woman in menopause. So today he tried to do a biopsy. Uh-oh. He couldn't. There's a lot of residual scar tissue on my cervix* and doing an in-office biopsy was impossible. Since everyone agrees that I'm having a complete hysterectomy, he can't see putting me through a D&C. So while knowing whether or not there's malignancy in my uterus before he cuts is a "nice to have," it's not a "has to have."

He and my gynecologist are going in with a long, high vertical incision and yes, it's going to be quite a scar. He also told me that, depending on what they find when they're in there, he may have to take a portion of my bowel. If that happens, I'll have to be in the hospital longer than three days. Part of why he recommends I take 6 weeks off work is to make certain that there's no post-op swelling in my legs.

I didn't enjoy hearing that, certainly. But I appreciated how frank he was. And he did -- this is so important -- emphasize that everything is more likely benign than malignant. And if that's the case, when I wake up, he will be long gone and my gynecologist will resume my care exclusively. That's why we hope we'll never see one another again!

My surgery will likely be 9/2, maybe 9/9. I'll find out for sure tomorrow.

Thank you for all the good thoughts, everyone! And please, keep 'em coming!

*Yet another reminder of Stephen Doe. No, I don't forgive him for what he did to me. And I can't forget, because it keeps cropping up at unexpected times. Bastard.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 17

Shame on me! I forgot to post this yesterday! But at least I did remember to be happy.

It was the sky on Wednesday. So beautiful! And the way the buildings looked, reaching into them. Yes, Chicago is, by far, the most gorgeous city EVER!

The TV Meme

Thank you, Ms. Kwiz.

Pick your five favorite tv shows (in no particular order) and answer the following questions about them.
Don’t cheat!

1. Mad Men

2. NCIS

3. Law & Order: SVU

4. The Closer

5. Royal Pains

Who is your favourite character in 2? Duh. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. You deserve a head slap for even asking the question!

Who’s your least favourite character in 1? Betty.

What’s your favourite episode of 4? The ones with Charlie, Fritz' troubled niece. She was played by Kyra Sedgwick's real-life daughter, and the chemistry between Charlie and Brenda was engaging.

What is your favourite season on 5? I get confused on the seasons with this one because it premieres and reruns on a schedule different from other shows. Still, I liked the season that introdued Hank and Evan's dad (Henry Winkler). It explained a lot.

What is your favourite relationship in 3? Elliot & Olivia! I can't believe they're writing Elliott out without them ever getting a chance to do it.

Who has the bad relationship in 2? Tony and Ziva, or TIVA, as they are known on fan boards.

How long have you watched 1? I got hooked in the middle of season 1, but I have caught up and seen them all.

How did you become interested in 3? I was a huge fan of the original L&O.

Who’s your favourite actor in 4? Kyra Sedgwick, aka My Girl Brenda

Which show do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? You're making me choose between Mad Men and NCIS? Between Don Draper and Gibbs? OUCH! I guess I'd have to go with Mad Men because it's such a smart show. NCIS is a lot of things, but it's not intellectually challenging.

Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? 3. There simply are more episodes to see. I doubt I'll watch any of the next season's episodes, what with all the upcoming cast changes. (No Olivia and Elliott? No Gal.)

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? Brenda. She really loved her cat.

How would you kill off your favourite character in 1? Do I have to? OK, I'd have Don die of a heart attack while in bed with an aspiring copywriter named The Gal Herself.

Give a random quote from 1. Peggy says, "You never say thank you." To which Don replies, "THAT'S WHAT THE MONEY IS FOR!"

Pair two characters in 3 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple. Munch and the M.E. (Do we know her name?)

Has 4 inspired you in any way? No

Over all, which show has a better cast, 3 or 5? Until this moment? #3. But with the upcoming changes to Law & Order: SVU, I don't think that will last.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? Oh, 4. "Rely on yourself/trusting someone else is a path for the silent ghost."


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Thursday Thirteen #137

THE LAST THIRTEEN BOOKS I READ

13. The Lincolns: Portrait of a Marriage by Daniel Mark Epstein. The best of the lot. Abraham and Mary Lincoln -- two extraordinary people -- are viewed the prism of that most ordinary institution -- marriage. It's beautifully written and compassionate. They both come to life and by the end of the book, I missed them.

12. The Cat Who Went Up the Creek
by Lillian Jackson Braun. An oldie (2002) but a goodie. From Shelfari, "Qwill and the cats -- Koko and Yum Yum -- are at the Nutcracker Inn in Black Creek when a drowned guest puts a damper on their stay." It's not a thrilling thriller, there's not a lot of action, but it moves at a good pace and the characters are charmingly eccentric.

11. Port Mortuary by Patricia Cornwell. A new Scarpetta! This time with Kay back narrating! From Shelfari, "A young man drops dead, apparently from a cardiac arrhythmia, eerily close to Scarpetta's new Cambridge home. But when his body is examined the next morning, there are stunning indications that he may have been alive when he was zipped inside a pouch and locked insider the Center's cooler."

10. Bright Lights, Big Ass. The subtitle says it all, "A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?" A funny memoir by Chicagoland's own Jen Lancaster. It's my least favorite of the three I have read, though, because it's so mean-spirited. She has railed against those who compare Bush to Hitler, yet makes it clear that she would like to "pee" on the campaign signs for a certain "socialist" candidate displayed on her neighbor's lawn during the 2008 Presidential campaign. She thinks it was funny that she and her husband (both admittedly overweight) knocked small children over while hurtling downhill on a sled. By the end of this book, I thought the "she-could-be-a-gf" vibe I got from her other books was by mistake.

9. Between a Rock and a Hot Place by Tracey Jackson. A woman deals with menopause by any means necessary, and shares her experiences. She has a great sensitive of humor and an accessible writing style. She also has a lot more resources, alas, than most women do as we struggle through this.

8. Such a Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster. Now this is the funny one. This is the Jen whose voice you like having in your head when you're at the grocery store or the gym. It's about her struggle to lose weight, and it's both inspirational and a riot.

7. Robert Redford by Michael Feeney Callahan. An in-depth look at a very private, very stubborn, very smart man. In a way, like Gatsby (who he rather unsuccessfully portrayed in the 1970s), he's not well understood, nor does he seem to be wish to be.

6. Sixkill by Robert Parker. From Shelfari, "On location in Boston, bad-boy actor Jumbo Nelson is accused of the rape and murder of a young woman. From the start the case seems fishy, so the Boston PD calls on Spenser to investigate." I don't know how I felt about it. It's not a great Parker effort, but it's the last Spenser he finished himself before his death, so I savored it.

5. The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It's a good book. It's not a great book. It's not To Kill a Mockingbird or any of the other classics it's been compared to, but it's an example of spellbinding storytelling. These are women you care about and root for!

4. Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher. It's slim and superficial. But so what? Even a mediocre Carrie Fisher memoir is a witty thrill ride.

3. Mommy's Little Girl by Diane Fanning. A chronological retelling of the Caylee Anthony murder. There's little that's new here, but having the story laid out in this way is chilling.

2. The Ultimate Weight Solution by Dr. Phil McGraw. I'm not Dr. Phi fan -- not by a long shot -- but this book is so full of common sense that I had to respect it. Once my current health problems are behind me, I look forward to putting them into practice

1. Against All Odds by Senator Scott Brown. Yes, I'm reading a book by a Republican. A really hot Republican. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that his looks make his politics easier to take. But it also must be said that he's had an amazing life. And he's an independent (if not especially deep) thinker, not an idealog, and his decisions are informed by life experiences and compassion.


To learn more about the Thursday Thirteen,
or to play along yourself, click here.

This is rich

Look what my self-centered kid sister just posted on Facebook:

BREAKING NEWS: The Pity Train has derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Any complaints about how we operate can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-waaa . This is Dr. Sniffle reporting LIVE from Quitchur Fussin'. If you like this, re-post it. If you don't..suck it up cupcake, Life doesn't revolve around YOU. (HA.)


Pardon me as I try to think of a single bad thing that has happened in her life that she's taken remote responsibility for … Nope. Can't think of a one.

Not MY Jackie!

While I hope the rumors of her affairs are true, I cannot believe she ever discussed them with anyone on tape. No way did she blame LBJ for the assassination. And most insulting of all -- NO WAY WOULD SHE EVER HAVE SUCH LIMPY-ASS HAIR!

Now, sit back and enjoy!


August Happiness Challenge -- Day 16

Calendars for Christmas! The Border's Going Out of Business Sale includes 2012 calendars that they are just now putting on the shelves! I got page-a-day's for my friend Mindy (Jeopardy!) and my oldest friend (Film Fanatic's Trivia) and a Beatles wall calendar for my nephew -- who not only is, in his words, "a massive Beatle fan," but is also switching rooms with his older sister soon and will have more wall space going into the new year. That was $46 worth of Christmas presents for $20.40! I'm trying to find ways to economize and so this makes me very happy. After all, I don't want to cut down the quantity or quality of what I put under people's trees this year, just the expense.

And, since I felt ghoulish being so ecstatic about a sale that springs from neighborhood jobs being lost, I took care to make an economical karma-protecting purchase. There was a book about that old standby, Barbara Millicent Rogers (aka Barbie Doll) that came with a real-live fabric tote, made of official Mattel/Barbie-brand fabric (aka the same crap they make Barbie Doll clothes out of). I know that, at 6 or 7, I would have found this staggeringly cool, and I assume another little girl will, too, so I picked it up for my Toys for Tots box. Another smile and happy holiday memory for someone for just $2.40!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I figured it out!

I know why I was so exhausted last night! I rode the train all the way home with The Saddest Boy Ever. And he's one of those people who, while very nice, is just such a big, gaping wound of intense need that being around him for 45 minutes just wore me out.

After an extended period of unemployment, he got a part-time retail job at Macy's, which means he and I share almost exactly the same commute from our jobs in the Loop to the condo building we both live in.

He must be nearly 45 now and spends most of his days caring for his mother -- a stroke victim who was unpleasant and hygienically challenged even before her health took a turn for the worse. He's always alone and never mentions any friends. He used to work part-time at the local Jewel, but he quit/was let go (I have trouble following the story) after an on-the-job accident. As he has recounted to me time and again in the laundry room, they blackballed him from working for any other grocery store chain in the Chicagoland area -- really? -- and then he came down with gout. "My doctor said, 'you should be dead.'"

So now he's feeling strong enough to work 20-24 hours/week at Macy's. The el makes him nervous, he's not used to "a big corporation like Macy's" because they have sent him to sensitivity training already (I wanted to ask, "Good God, what did you do?", but I decided I don't want to know), and he works in crystal and fine china, where he doesn't see an awful lot of customers. I think his biggest problem is loneliness. And my heart goes out to him, it does.

But he also seems to have a crush on me, and I'm never, ever going to have any romantic feelings for him, so I am wary of spending much time with him. And frankly, he's a human remora, and sometimes I'm just not up to being a big fish all the time. It can be exhausting!

But I don't want to be mean. He has a good heart and he seems very alone in the world. The original "Eleanor Rigby." But geez! I can't do this every day. So from now on, when I leave the house and get on the platform, I'm going to look furtively to the left and right, darting my eyes about at all times, so I can hide behind a pole or a tree if I see him.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 15

My ticker. I got the results from the tests I had done back on August 2 … and my heart is fine! Both my oldest friend and my buddy John suffer from heart problems. My dad died of a stroke. So I want to stay on top of my own heart health.

I had four tests done -- for carotid artery disease, atrial fibrillation, abdominal aortic aneurysm and peripheral artery disease -- and they all came back "normal." Not "normal for a fat middle-aged woman," but simply "normal." No next steps required.

But I have been warned to lose 20 lbs. I'D LOVE TO!!!!!!

Five hours later ...


I got home from work, plopped down on the couch, and was just going to close my eyes for a moment. Really. Care to guess what happened? DAMN! I blew an entire night of de-cluttering, and I really can't afford to do that.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Monday, August 15, 2011

New bra

I should have adjusted the straps more carefully this morning. My boobs are smashed flat and it looks like I'm sporting a pair of veal cutlets under my sweater.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Ah, Sisters ... Part 1

While we were growing up, my older sister was not unlike Casey Anthony. She lied about everything and was promiscuous, or at least highly sexually active, but denied it. I walked in on her orally servicing her high school sweetheart, and later she told me to my face that never happened. She worked very hard to come between our mother and our grandmother. She told our mutual friends, acquaintances and relatives lies about me and insisted they choose between us. She also beat me regularly until I moved out.

She hit my mother once and we all ended up in family therapy. It was there I learned that she had been a high-maintenance baby -- which was hardly her fault -- who needed a great deal of my mother's attention. When I came along when she was little over a year old -- which was hardly my fault -- she never learned how to handle it. Consequently, her relationship with my mother has always been complicated. For decades I have dealt with all of this by withdrawing. She alternately reaches out to my mother and then punishes her, a painful dance they have been doing since before I was born, I guess, and it confuses me so I stay away. Plus, since my older sister meant me harm, I avoided her. I needed to protect myself.

With my mother's advancing years and medical problems, I have become more receptive to my older sister's overtures of friendship. She wants her new husband to think that we're like a Norman Rockwell portrait and it would make my mother happy if we got along better, so what the hell. I've grown into a strong, self-sufficient middle-aged woman -- I simply won't allow my older sister to hurt me anymore. And if agreeing to see her for dinner once or twice a year when she's in town will make her and my mother so happy -- and if her husband will pay for my steak -- it seems like a small sacrifice.

My mother has told both my sisters about my cyst and upcoming surgery. There's a possibility that I have ovarian cancer. I don't like saying this, but it's true. It's more likely that I don't have it, especially since the CA-125 blood test came back negative, but it's there. And it's hard for me NOT to take it seriously since both my friends Ed (prostate cancer) and Kathleen (breast cancer) were told that the odds were great that they didn't have cancer and well, guess what. I have been honest with my mother because I don't want her to feel sucker punched if the worst comes to pass. In turn, she has told all this to my sisters because she needs to talk it through with someone.

My older sister has been a shock. She sent me an email saying she loves me. (Really? In my whole life, she has never said such a thing.) She is sending her 21-year-old daughter to stay with my mom while I'm in the hospital and recuperating because (1) I'll need help and someone to drive and (2) my mom will love having the company. Also, her daughter wants to come to Chicagoland to see everyone.

Still, it amazes me. My older sister is being so sensitive to my mother's concerns, her daughter's sense of loneliness and isolation and my condition. It's so unlike her. I can't put too fine a point on how not like her this is.

I don't trust it. I can't, really. I feel too vulnerable with all that's going on inside my own body to deal with any more. But it would be nice to believe that my older sister has actually evolved and become a happier, more decent person at this stage in her life.


August Happiness Challenge -- Day 14

My guest room/den is virtually done and ready for company! All I have to do in there is dust, and I think I'll wait for the last minute to do that. It took the better part of four days to do it, but it's done! The bright side: I've cleared out so much stuff that I can use this room to put the tree up in this Christmas -- provided my Bad Cat, Reynaldo, will let me.

Next up is the living room/dining room. I must be careful to not just move all my crap back into the den …

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 31 Meme, Part Two: In Memory to Clyde

Cheers to all of us thieves!

16. What's the longest shift that you worked at a job? While working on a presentation, I was at the office 19 hours straight. I'd like to thank the good people who make Monster Energy Drink for making that possible.

17. What was the last concert that you attended? That would be his lordship.

18. What the last DVD (or Blu Ray, of course) movie that you watched? Grey Gardens.

19. How did you like the film? I'm a big Little Edie fan, so I loved it.

20. What comedian do you love? Kathy Griffin

21. Do you ever sleep in the nude? It's been known to happen

22. Have you ever had a long distance relationship? Yes. It was my happiest relationship. My shrink observed that's indicative of my issue with genuine intimacy. Note she said "issue," not "problem." She also observes my issue with genuine intimacy doesn't seem to be making me especially unhappy.

23. What do you think of astrology? Sometimes I'm very into it, other times I forget to even check my horoscope.

24. What's you're favorite lyric quote from a song? It changes. Currently, it's Amy Winehouse: "From the picture my mind drew/I know I'd look good on you." She really was a clever lyricist.



25. Tell us something random about yourself. When I wear yellow, I look like a jaundice victim.

26. Have ever attended a theme party? If yes, do tell. Nothing springs to mind ...

27. What is your favorite thing about winter? I like the clean, white snow crackling under my boots.

28. What was the name of your first pet? Tommy

29. What have you done so far this weekend? Gotten stuff out of here! First a bag of food for the food pantry, then two bags of STUFF for Goodwill. Now I'm looking at a box of books to donate, as well.

30. Has your humor ever been called “sick”? Almost daily

31. If you could have one thing, what would it be? To know when my surgery will scheduled!

They amuse me


I'm referring to three pair of the world's largest white cotton underpants I bought today. Size 9. They will go nicely with the sweatshorts, to accompany the two pair of sweatpants I got during the week. I am told that these will be necessary post-op, as my stomach muscles will be cut and I'll not only have no tone, I'll have a sensitive incision.

Ah, how glorious!

And, instead of having months to get ready for my oldest friend's November visit, I now have days, since she is sure I'll need her with me after surgery. I am particularly worried about her being here those days when I'm in the hospital. I like to think she'll go to the movies or something,but what if she's just sitting around here, in this horribly messy apartment?

Not happy about that. I have lots of work to do!

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 13

No more Zambrano. Cubs' pitcher Carlos Zambrano gave up 5 HR last night ... hit two batters in anger ... packed up his locker (even took down his nameplate) and left the ballpark. He had this hideous little tantrum on the very night that the Braves were honoring one of their franchise greats, Bobby Cox. Zambrano will be on the Disqualified List for 30 days. Since it's mid-August, that means he's done for the season. I hope he's done for his career.

He was an immensely talented young man. And a hideously selfish one. He socked one of his teammates in the dugout, screamed at another, beat up the dugout Gatorade dispenser,* broke bats over his knee in rage, complained about his teammates to the press, and even blamed the fans for booing him and not showing him enough "love."

Carlos Zambrano was not only very bad for my blood pressure, he was a bad example for kids. I'm glad he's gone.

For a half century I have loved my Cubs. I genuinely love just about every man who has ever donned the uniform. It is my first impulse to try to see where one of my guys is coming from when he melts down, as Carlos has done again and again and again. But Z joins a very elite group of players (Dave Kingman and Todd Hundley) that I simply cannot stand


*To be fair, I thought that one was fun.



Saturday 9

Saturday 9: My Best Friend's Girl

1. Have you and a friend ever have an argument because you were attracted to the same person? Nope.

2. Who never returns your phone calls? Sometimes my oldest friend blows me off. Though she has been more sensitive to that these days.

3. What was your favorite childhood toy? My Lassie dog.

4. Who is the last person you greeted at your door? Peapod.

5. Would you change anything about your life right now? I'd like it to be three months from now, so I could be looking back on this time and say, "See how well I got through it?"

6. Who is the easiest person for you to talk to? My best friend

7. If you could live in any ancient city during the height of the quality of its society and culture, which one would you choose? I'd like to visit London in the swinging 60s. Does that count?

8. What is the most exciting event you’ve ever witnessed? November 2008, Grant Park, Barack Obama declares victory.

9. What do you consider the ideal age to have a first child? Really? Don't the sperm and the egg decide when that happens?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Turning in early tonight

My tummy is really giving me grief! That's one good thing -- one very good thing! -- about my upcoming surgery: when it's all over and my tall stapler-sized cyst is gone and I heal, I should start feeling a lot better!

Another Man's Gold

I haven't done any real de-cluttering today, but I have inventoried what's going to Goodwill tomorrow. In addition to a ridiculous array of belts I'll never wear, I assembled a full bag containing nothing but tschotskes and gifties and what-nots people have given me.

Just as I had to admit I'll never again fit into those belts, it's time I face it that this condo is too little to display every cute thing anyone has ever given me, and some of the pieces -- like a lovely ceramic soap dish in a metal holder, complete with scented soaps -- could actually be used and appreciated by someone else.

Plus I'll have another $40 in receipts for the tax man come the end of the year. I realize that being gutted like a fish will incur medical bills, and that will mean a more complicated tax return. It's the adult thing to do to acknowledge that now.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 12

NEGATIVE! My CA-125 blood test is negative, or normal. In other words, YIPEE!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 11

Ready-made pina coladas. Like the label says, "The rum is in it!" I was so happy to come home and just pour one over ice, without messing with a blender (which I don't have anyway). I had them with my Taco Bell soft tacos for dinner. Yes, this gracious living.

Guilty pleasure

I nearly forgot to post about my stolen hours yesterday! After I finished with the doctor, I (shh!) sneaked away and went to the movies. I saw The Help, a matinee the first day it opened. I liked it well enough, but I enjoyed the book more. Still, the audience I saw the movie with was entranced. Viola Davis, who plays Aibileen, is getting all the praise. My favorite performance was Octavia Spencer as Minnie. She just seemed closer to the way I imagined her in the book. The actress who plays Celia Foote is terrific, too.

The weakest link, for me, was Cicely Tyson as Constantine. She's too old for the part, too old to be the mother of the daughter she's shown with, and that very important subplot is badly bungled.

The best part, though, was eating popcorn in the dark on a Wednesday afternoon. How deliciously wicked of me!

Bad, but good, too

It's been a frustrating day! No word yet on my CA-125 test. Damn. Guess I have to start nagging at the doctor's office tomorrow. (Though, to be fair, my doctor did say, "Thursday afternoon or Friday morning.")

So while I am slowly making myself nuts worrying, I am also enormously, fabulously comforted by those who let me know they care. They are what makes it possible to get through the day without screaming. The day started with my oldest friend sending me a cartoon to make me laugh. Then, throughout the day, my best friend, my friends Barb and Kathleen, a coworker, even my crazy older sister (!) asked for updates.

And all you blogging buddies have been supportive, too. I may not be especially graceful in accepting all the good vibes that you are sending my way, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate them. THANK YOU.

Image: kenfotos / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Thursday Thirteen #136

THIRTEEN POPULAR MOVIES BASED ON BOOKS

In honor of The Help, which moved from the page to the silver screen today, I'm listing the 13 most successful movies adapted from books.

1. Gone with the Wind. 1939. (When adjusted for inflation, it's still the top-grossing movie of all time.)

2. The Ten Commandments. 1956.

3. Jaws. 1975.

4. Doctor Zhivago. 1965.

5. The Exorcist. 1973.

6. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. 1937.

7. Jurassic Park. 1993.

8. The Graduate. 1967.

9. The Godfather. 1972.

10. Mary Poppins. 1964.

11. Thunderball. 1965.

12. The Jungle Book. 1967

13. Sleeping Beauty. 1959.


To learn more about the Thursday Thirteen,
or to play along yourself, click here.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 10


A statue dedicated to Ron Santo. I grew up on Ronnie. He was the Cubs' third basemen throughout my girlhood and then became the endearingly unpolished voice of the team on WGN radio. He has made a number of appearances on this blog because it's felt like he's always been a part of my life.

I was very sad when he lost his twin battles with diabetes and cancer last autumn, but today I'm happy because the Cubs unveiled a statue of him in front of the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field, and because fans turned out in great numbers to applaud it's dedication. Baseball great, philanthropist and broadcaster, our "Perfect 10" deserves no less.

Even better, the CUBS WON TONIGHT!

Well done, good and faithful servant

This is the Chaplain's Medal for Heroism, introduced during WWII to honor men of the cloth who performed with great courage on the battlefield. I am bestowing it posthumously on my uncle's cat, Bennie, who died yesterday.

I mean no disrespect by this post. Quite the opposite. For my uncle loved Bennie enormously and she was the one bright spot toward the end of his life. He suffered from Parkinson's Disease, no doubt exacerbated by his exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam, so I consider him a war casualty, even if the government doesn't.

And Bennie, ballsy Bennie who feared nothing, stayed by his side no matter what. He briefly had a puppy, but that little guy was frightened by his twitches and spasms and had to go live with his stepdaughter. How that hurt and embarrassed my uncle! But Bennie had the bearing that comes from knowing her feline ancestors were worshipped as Egyptian gods, so she consistently responded to my uncle with nothing but a loud and accepting purr, no matter what torments his body was putting him through.

She was nearly 20 years old and in poor health. While my mother and nephew really loved having her around at my mother's house, where she has lived since December, I think it would be selfish to expect her to stick around for them. She served our family enough, her work here was done, and it was time for to rest for all eternity with my uncle.

I Want Wednesday

I want this to be behind me. As I write this, I am confirming my appointment with an oncologist. Yes, I saw my gynecologist and he referred me to an oncologist who will see me at 1:30 on August 18. This morning my doctor authorized a CA-125 blood test and he promises to let me know the results tomorrow ... Friday morning at the latest.

Right now, my doctor believes my stapler-cyst is more likely than not benign, but the CA-125 test will give us more (though still not definite) insights. And the cyst itself will have to be surgically removed in tact by my gynecologist and then biopsied, hence the oncologist.

The speed at which this sucker has grown is problematic and worrisome. It is mostly fluid and has not leaked into my uterus or anywhere else, which means even if it is the worst, it's contained.

So, I guess, I have to wait another week or two to put this behind me. I am not happy. But my gynecologist held my hand and hugged me a lot and told me this is not the worst he has ever seen and I should try not to wig out.

Yeah, right.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

10 belts

That's what I'm starting my newest Goodwill bag with this evening. Oh, I am still working on losing weight and have faith that I will succeed. But even if I lost 75 lbs., I wouldn't need upwards of 15 belts! So I shall bid these adieu. I'll toss in that purse mirror to keep them company, too.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 9

Leo is coming home! This Chicago Tribune article helped Sgt. Tim Johannsen's wife raise the $800 required to bring Leonidas the Dog home from Afghanistan ... and then some! Last time I checked, they were closer to $8,000! The money not used to transport Leo will be donated to The Puppy Rescue Mission to help keep more soldiers and their pets together.

The Afghanistan war has gone on too long and has caused too much suffering. Learning of little Leo right after hearing about the Navy Seals who died in that helicopter crash raised my spirits some. I'm proud and grateful that our troops can still find some humanity and grace in their hearts. And I am so proud and happy I was able to play a small part in rescuing the dog who seeks shelter and comfort with the Sergeant as mortars fall.

He never called back

My gynecologist. His nurse did call me this morning -- both at home and at work -- to tell me he wants to see me right away. Really? Well, I want to see him, too! That's why I have left three messages since over the last week and a half. Yes, I know he was on vacation. Yes, I know today was his first day back. But I wanted to make sure I'm a priority.

So I have an appointment to see him tomorrow at 9:30. Hurray! But for what? A CA-125 blood test? A consultation and discussion of next steps? A referral for an MRI to keep that ultrasound company? How much time should I take off work on Wednesday? Should I fast? I asked the nurse to have him call me back.

She said she doubted he'd be able to, but she'd give him the message. He never called me back. I hope she didn't give him the message.

I have been waiting to talk to him since July 29, when my GP explained the ultrasound results, introduced my stapler-sized cyst to me and referred me to my gynecologist. That's 11 days that this thing has been hanging over my head. Eleven days!

Over this time I have talked myself into -- and out of -- a cancer diagnosis. Today the sweat pants I ordered arrived, as a hysterectomy is likely. I saw Sir Paul twice and returned to work in that time. It's felt like a lifetime.

And now I have to wait one more fucking night.

I like my gynecologist. I like how conservative he is in his treatment and how much time he spends with me, one-on-one, when I'm in his office. But I don't like the way his office runs when he's out of town, and I don't like how his nurses behave like Cerberus as they "protect" him from patients like me.

I want this to be over. I have never been one for sitting patiently by the phone, waiting for a man to call!

Monday, August 08, 2011

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 8

I saw this story on page one and was so moved. My happiness comes from knowing that I made one of the contributions that makes it possible for Leo to come to Chicagoland.

Man’s best friend, even while deployed in Afghanistan


Sgt. Tim Johannsen and the puppy Leo.

There’s a lot to his deployment in Afghanistan that Sgt. Tim Johannsen can’t discuss.

When he speaks to his stateside wife things like where he’s stationed, his missions, and what the 23-year-old Army tanker is doing in a mountainous region where tanks can’t even travel are taboo.

But security doesn’t prevent Johannsen from talking about is his adopted dog – a loyal mutt named Leonidas, who whines outside his bunk while he’s on mission and shelters with him as mortars fall.

The dog brings a touch of normalcy to an otherwise straining environment, Johannsen said in a phone interview from Afghanistan.

“You’ll come back and you’re walking up to the chow hall and he comes over eyes-big, happy-as-all-get-out to see you,” Johannsen said, referring to the pup he named for the fabled Spartan King. “You forget about the stuff that’s going on over here.”

When his tour ends in 2012, Johannsen wants to bring Leonidas (Leo for short) home to his wife Kaydee in Downers Grove.

That commitment to an animal is increasingly common, said Anna Maria Cannan, of the non-profit Puppy Rescue Mission, a Colorado-based group raising money to transport soldiers’ dogs from Afghanistan.

She says word-of-mouth among soldiers who’ve adopted pets has spread interest in her organization. So far, about 130 adopted dogs have been brought stateside, she said.

“Soldiers from all across the U.S. are finding these lovely companions they don’t want to leave behind,” Cannan said. “To leave them there, left to die is hard on soldiers.”

Technically, adopting pets is on a long list of forbidden activities under General Order No. 1, said a spokesman for U.S. Central Command in Tampa.

“These dogs are extremely therapeutic” for soldiers “readjusting to normal life,” said Cannan, who started the program after her husband brought a dog home from deployment. “If the military would just allow these dogs to come home I believe the (post-traumatic stress) rate would be lower.”

Those rules leave troops on their own if they want to bring home an animal. It’s a long journey, Cannan said. The dog must be transported by a courier from a soldiers’ outpost to a shelter in a departure city, where they are vaccinated and quarantined for a few weeks to ensure they don’t harbor diseases. It can take weeks to secure a flight because the non-profit is limited to shipping up to four dogs a week – with a current backlog of 20 dogs waiting to travel home, she said.

There are fundraising hurdles, too. The Puppy Rescue Mission pays $3,500 kenneling, vaccination and flight, Cannan said. But soldiers must raise money to pay local couriers – many of whom are forced to drive the dogs hundreds of miles through IED laden territory. This can cost as much as $800, she said.

A few months into his deployment, Johannsen saw a group of dogs ganging up on a puppy that wandered into camp looking for food. “Average hoodlums,” he said, describing the pack. After peeling off the dogs, he fed and flea bathed the puppy he now calls Leo.

Having a dog helps “escape the reality of being deployed, being away from family and friends,” Johannsen said. “You’re stuck with the same guys all the time. It’s like being in fraternity or a club. You have a dog and it breaks up the monotony.”

The pup has gradually been accepted by the other dogs at the compound, though it took a while. He’s also developed a taste for pork chops and ribs, Johannsen said.

“He’s like me,” Johannsen said. “No matter who attacks him, he will stand his ground. He won’t give up.”

Johannsen is working with the Puppy Rescue Network to pay for Leonidas’ trip home. But he still has to find and pay a courier. To raise that money he and his wife Kaydee set up a website. (http://bringleohome.webs.com/leosstory.htm)

“I have to find a way to get him to Kabul without locals or the Taliban finding out,” Johannsen said. “I know I can give him a better home back there than he can ever get here.”

For him, it’s all about an old battlefield truism: “Leave no man behind.”

For more information:

http://bringleohome.webs.com/leosstory.htm

thepuppyrescuemission.org

bslodysko@tribune.com