I'm so proud!

Your result for The Psychopath Test ...

Criminal (non-felon)

12 Psychopath, 6 narcissist, 6 deviant

You scored between six (6) and twenty-one (21). This indicates that you probably have a criminal background, but one that does not include felonies. If you "deviant" score is eleven (11) or more but your "narcissist" score is nine (9) or less, you were probably a high suicide-risk inmate.

Your Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

• 

  You scored 12% on Psychopath, higher than 49% of your peers.

• 

  You scored 6% on narcissist, higher than 48% of your peers.

• 

  You scored 6% on deviant, higher than 46% of your peers.

Take the test yourself and let me know how you did. And try to tell the truth.

Thursday Thirteen #125

IT HAPPENED IN MAY.
THIRTEEN CLASSIC COVERS FROM
THE TIME MAGAZINE ARCHIVES.

1923 – Franklin Roosevelt, then head of the American Construction Council,

begins to make a national name for himself

1929 -- Captivating three-year old “Pincess Lilybet” would grow up to be

the current Queen of England

1939 – Lilybet's father, King George (he of The King’s Speech)

visits the United States for the first time as monarch

1950 – Coca Cola begins its world dominance

1955 – American women discover wash’n’wear clothes

made of exotic polyester fabrics like Dacron and Orlon

1963 – Astronauts like Gordon Cooper are our heroes

1967 – Johnny Carson is the undisputed King of Late Night

1972 – Like JFK and LBJ before him, Richard Nixon

finds himself wrestling with Viet Nam

1977 – Baryshnikov takes off

1981 – Billy Martin and his fractious Oakland A’s dominate baseball

1987 – A politician finds himself enmeshed with a woman not his wife.

Imagine that!

1994 – We pause to pay tribute to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

2000 – A little Cuban boy named Elian is reunited with his dad

To find out more about Thursday Thirteen,
and maybe participate yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want my holiday weekend to get started already. Why is it the short work weeks feel the longest?

Confessions of the Formerly Fit

I used to be a size 6. For almost 15 years I lived at the gym.I was limber and strong and my legs were great. How I wish I had enjoyed body more back in those days! Back then all I saw were the flaws.

That was 75 lbs. and 13 years ago. Now I'm at the gym twice a week (though I mean to hit it three times or more). I'm easier on myself ... and others.

Lately I've seen two women in my row in the locker room who are enormous. Like Gabourey Sidibe big. Back in the day I would have seen them changing either for or from their work outs and been appalled. How did they get that way? Don't they disgust themselves?

Today I see them as courageous. How daunting it must be to know how hard it will be to work out, how quickly they will become tired and winded, how long it will be until they see any results. And yet there they are. Good for them! In their way, they are heroines.

I also like myself better now. Even if my thighs are dimpled, I'm a nicer woman.

Image: AKARAKINGDOMS / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Well, that was weird

I dreamed that Stephen Colbert and I were newlyweds. I cared for him, but I wasn't head-over-heels in love with him and we were having problems. We spent the weekend with our friends, Jeff and Susan Bridges, who talked sense to us. OK, so we may not be the great love of one another's lives, but that passion dissipates anyway. We had laughs and respect and genuine fondness and could be happy if we allowed ourselves to be.

Just the thought of analyzing this dream gives me a headache, so I'm leaving it that.

Except to say that in my dream, Jeff and Susan live in a beautiful, rustic house with lots of bathrooms, and they have terrific taste in bath linens.

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Writers...

Share movies that feature writers, authors, poets and scribes,
linking back here to the Bumbles.

All the President's Men. It's a story of two journalists on the case of their lives. In the scenes that show them at work, Woodward is the reporter, concerned about being comprehensive, while Bernstein's passion is as a writer, telling a complex story as clearly as possible. That difference in writing style adds to the dramatic tension.

Capote. In Cold Blood and To Kill a Mockingbird are two of my favorite books, two stories that could only be set in the US. Though the tales they tell couldn't be more different, the narrators' voices are similar and as familiar as a soft, Southern breeze. Of course. Because Harper Lee and Truman Capote grew up together, loved one another dearly, and -- as this movie reveals -- were more involved in one another's work than I knew.

Secret Window. As Capt. Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp has shown us that he can do wacky. But in this dark movie, based on a Stephen King short story, as an author accused of plagiarism, he does a mean bat shit crazy. Yet somehow he still makes bedhead and a ridiculous bathrobe sexy. One of the most eccentric performances in an eccentric career.

Julia. Fonda is Lillian Hellman (The Childrens Hour, The Little Foxes) and Jason Robards is her lover, Dashiell Hammett (The Thin Man, The Maltese Falcon). The fact that these two fabulous writers were lovers at all amazes me, and to see them portrayed by two such world-class actors is a treat.

Money, money, money, money ... MONEY!

Spent a good deal of time talking to my friend from Key West. He lost his job this month, after more than a decade at the community college. His contract is up in (I believe) August and they bought him out.

But he has tenure, so he was completely blind-sided by this event. And the college, which he believed was his professional family, handled the situation hurtfully. He found out about his impending axing from one of his students, who was told she couldn't take his summer class because, well, the professor wouldn't be there anymore.

Enrollments are down. Funding is down. 7 educators were let go. He believes he was one of them because of his whistle-blower tendencies. That, combined with tenure, is why he wants to sue.

I warned him that he's not getting this job back. Even if he gets money from the State of Florida, or whoever he's looking to sue, he won't be reinstated. He acknowledges that intellectually but I don't think he gets it emotionally. He loved teaching at that school. He was involved with his students and his coworkers. It's like an amputation, and he still feels his "missing limb."

They can't afford their home on just his lover's income (even though his lover is currently working two jobs; days as an accountant, a couple evenings a week tending bar.). My friend had comprehensive health coverage through the school, but he didn't feel he could afford COBRA so he passed.* Since he and his lover are gay and cannot marry, it complicates things. They are checking whether his lover can add him to the group plan he gets from his accounting job. Never mind that they have been monogamous for nearly 20 years. Apparently we are comfortable dismissing that in this country "in defense of marriage." (Right, Governator? Don't you agree, Newt?)

Key West is an island. It's not like there's another institute of higher learning he can turn to now. This chapter of my friend's career is over.

The thing of it is, my friend is much beloved all over town. Friends and former students work in hotels, restaurants, stores and publications across the island. I reassured him that, at times like this, karma counts -- and all the good he has done will come back to him. He just has to allow himself to accept it graciously. (To get the ball rolling, I sent him a CVS gift card for $50. You can buy anything at CVS, right? And maybe it'll be a subliminal reminder to get that health insurance situation sewn up.)

I wish we could have spent more time talking about the emotional damage, rather than the fiscal. But alas, these are the days we live in. Money is important to all of us these days. If only it wasn't so.

* Though I feel he can't afford not to take it.

Woof! Part 2

So I encountered my noisy canine neighbor this afternoon. The acoustics in this building confused me: He wasn't next door, as I thought. He was downstairs.

Chewy and I met a few blocks away on a busy street corner. As I approached the streetlight, there was a tiny blond terrier, making serious eye contact with me. I was mouthing, "Hi, Puppy!" when I heard, "You don't recognize me, do you?"

I didn't even notice my neighbor. The little ball of yellowish fluff was working that hard to woo me. (He was successful.)

We walked together to Petco. Chewy needed a bottle of puppy shampoo and I needed yet another sack of kitty kibble. As we walked together, I found out from my neighbor that Chewy will be staying with her for a while. He belongs to her daughter (but I know from a previous conversation that her adult daughter is very, very ill) and is adjusting well to a more urban setting. At first walking down busy sidewalks with traffic racing by unsettled him -- after all, he's not very big -- but now he traverses the neighborhood like a pro.

I didn't mention the recent barking incident. She seems to be making the best of a sad situation -- after all, if her daughter was still healthy and self-sufficient, she wouldn't have Chewy at all. I bet that, as Chewy adjusts to life in his new home, the barking will abate. If anyone on the condo board complains about Chewy, I will give them a piece of my mind. Soon Chewy will be all this woman has left of her daughter, and Chewy will be without his mistress. Considering what they're going through, we can ignore the barking.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The "You Can't Be Missed" Meme, Part 3

Cheers to all of us thieves!

31. What is your absolute favorite dessert? Mint chocolate chip ice cream

32. What can someone do to make you smile, no matter what? Get me talking about my niece or nephew

33. What do the hip people think of you? They don't.

34. What was the last gift you bought someone? A giftcard. One of my friends was blind sided by a lay off and I wanted to make the gesture to reassure him he's not alone and the wolf won't immediately be at his door.

35. What was your favorite class in high school? American History

36. How many spouses would be about right? About what?

37. What would you say was the most embarrassing moment of your life? Touring TV's Southworth Ranch outside of Dallas, I slipped into the pool. It was awful. Funny now, but not then.

38. Have you ever donated money to charity? Of course.

39. Has porn ever had a positive place in a current or recent relationship? I prefer the term "erotica." Or "training films."

40. Would you ever dump the one you're with for someone who makes an obvious play and is MUCH hotter? No.

41. Have you ever disowned one of your relatives? I try but he keeps returning.

42. Would you think it's OK to cheat on someone if they've already cheated on you? No.

43. Did you ever consider becoming a teacher? I used to play Schoolhouse when I was a little girl. Does that count?

44. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere? No. I don't have a car.

45. Would you ever try fasting for a whole week? No.

Ooooh! I love this movie!

Curling up to watch my Good Girl Jen be very bad. And pay for it. Big time.

1918 Yesterday

The Cubs are in the middle of the three-game series with the Red Sox in Boston. First time they have played in Fenway since the 1918 World Series. To commemorate the occasion, the players are wearing authentic throwback jerseys. Here's Kerry Wood's. Isn't that old-fashioned logo too adorable? Caps are pinstriped with no "Cubs" at all.

CUBS WIN IN FENWAY! CUBS WIN IN FENWAY!

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Rain

1. It's Spring, grilling begins! If you plan a picnic, do you bow out if it rains? Easy: I don't host any such events.

2. Do you prefer food grilled on a charcoal or gas grill? Gas. But it's not a passionate, "keep that filthy Kingsford away from my food" kinda preference.

3. We're at the first grilling picnic. What's your meat order? Ribeye. And thank you for asking. Where can I get another beer?

4. What side dishes do you want? Corn on the cob. Lots of butter. Where can I get another beer?

5. Now, where do prefer to eat: at the picnic table or inside? How hot is it outside? I don't do heat. And how bad are the bugs? I'm allergic to bee sting, and would rather avoid the drama of the trip to the ER.

6. You were asked to bring a dish. What do you bring? Beer, which is SO a dish if you put the cans on a tray.

7. Does it bother you to have citronella candles burning if you are eating or cooking outside? Nope.

8. What fellow bloggers do you want to meet at the picnic? Oh hell, you're all invited!

9. Does there need to be a pool at the picnic, your choice? I'd prefer a pool. Built-in as opposed to above-ground. Am I being too demanding? Well then I'll just sit here on the porch and have another beer.

Woof!

The family living in the one bedroom apartment next door (which is too small for three people) has a dog. And he is barking. I am concerned.

First, because dogs are forbidden in this building and if Puppy doesn't shut up, someone who isn't the dog lover I am will complain.

Second, because in a apartment that size, why is he barking unattended? Clearly no one is home. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to stand it. As it is, I'm worried that something is terrifying Puppy -- I can hear him run from one side of the living room to the other -- and it's not fair to leave him alone like that.

Third, it's too small an apartment for a dog to live in with a family. Not to mention that it's on the fourth floor of a building with no yard. I hope they're only dog-sitting this poor pup and that he doesn't have an unhappy, circumscribed life ahead of him.

It must be noted that I am the only one in this household concerned about Puppy. For not a one of my three cats can be bothered to pick up his/her head and even look in the direction of the noise. Apparently they haven't learned that dogs and cats are sworn enemies.

Thursday Thirteen #124

IT HAPPENED IN MAY
Here are 13 memorable May
magazine covers from Life Magazine.

1922: The Roaring 20's

1937: Jean Harlow gets pulses racing.

1941: Army nurses are our new heroines

1945: Winston Churchill inspired Great Britain and the free world

1957: Italian actress Sophia Loren comes to Hollywood

1959: Hoffa is a controversial Teamster boss

1960: England celebrated Princess Margaret's wedding.

1961: The Kennedys charm Canada

1964: Barbra Streisand is our new star

1965: Skateboarding takes off

1966: Jackie Kennedy rides in Seville

1967: Best-seller In Cold Blood becomes a movie

1968: Movie stars as political activists

To find out more about Thursday Thirteen,
and maybe participate yourself, click here.

Wake up & smell the karma

Behold People Magazine's 1985 Sexiest Man Alive as photographed this week in France.

I forgot how charming she was

I miss Gilda Radner. Not in her movies. They didn't do her justice. Just as Gilda. Like on SNL or here, in her one-woman Broadway revue.

I wasn't expecting this

When it comes to one of my old boyfriends, I have become a voyeur, a la Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window. But instead of peering at him through binoculars or a telephoto lens, I read his wife's Facebook wall.

I don't actually know her. In fact, I've never met her. The two of them met long after he and I broke up and he left town. We haven't spoken in years. Therefore I've been following their tale as though it was the continuing story of Peyton Place, thanks to the fact that I never really loved him. I was fond of him, I was enthralled by him physically, I bear him no ill will and wish him well, but because of the 12 year ago difference between us, I knew I was never going to be his "baby mama" and so could enjoy our relationship for what it was -- a sweet, sexually charged interlude.

Anyway, about 8 months ago, she started posting about how he's wasn't treating her as she felt she deserved to be treated. Yes, they have a now two-year-old boy together, and they have many shared interests, but he (1) wants no other children and (2) isn't as attentive to her feelings as she'd like. She was especially upset that he never buys her flowers on their son's birthday.

I also suspect he hasn't been faithful. Not because of anything she's written, but because I know him. The woman he was involved with back when we were sleeping together kept insisting she was ready for a wedding and babies. I think our unlikely fling was a response to the pressure he was feeling. My guess is there's probably another "stress reliever" in his life.

They are now living apart. I don't know if divorce is certain (and I don't know his side of it because he understands how to establish privacy settings on Facebook!) but she took him off her info page and is asking her friends who can help her maintain her car now. She also thanks her friends for putting up with her these past few months.

Knowing him as I do, and seeing the slice of life she shows me, is all so fascinating to me. I think that one of these days I'll take a busman's holiday and turn this post into a novel.

I Want Wednesday

I want to be more efficient/effective at turning desire into action and results, weightwise. I gave blood today over lunch -- a noble activity to be sure -- but that means today is a day I didn't work out. I must make myself do a little time on the treadmill after work.

As my best friend assured me, I CAN do this!

Frustrated!

"If it's going up to the 12th floor, we'd better use small words." So said my boss at our team status this morning. The 12th floor is where the Powers That Be congregate when the clients review our creative. My boss is frustrated because he's actually been hands-on for this particular project, the first time in a long time, and he's not used to all the changes I've been dealing with week in/week out for the past few years.

But I, too, am frustrated -- frustrated that he said this in open forum. I'm afraid his attitude ("they're heathens when it comes to creative and we have to dumb it down for them") will bleed through to the rest of the team. And that would be a bad thing. For while we all like to fancy ourselves creative geniuses, the fact is, we perform a service. One that our clients pay a pretty penny for.

Imagine you take a shirt to the dry cleaner and you specify "no starch." The kid behind the counter asks, "Really? No starch? You sure?" You repeat, once again, "No starch." How would you feel if the kid starts acting as though you're stupid and you don't know a damn thing about the shirts you wear or the service you're paying for?

I have a healthy ego and I don't like seeing my work watered down. I often believe the changes they make weaken my work and its ability to produce results for them. But I also want to keep this job. Plus, there's a moral imperative here. It's THEIR money. We work FOR them. They deserve to get what they ask for, even if we don't agree.

The sun came up anyway

Richard J. Daley* was Mayor of Chicago from before I was born until I was 21. For 10 tumultuous years we had chaos and Council Wars and then, when I was 31, Richard M. Daley took over. Under his loving care, the city has enjoyed a Renaissance and become a truly beautiful place to live and work, with a patchwork of neighborhood activities and a thriving arts/theater community. (No, it hasn't been perfect; I'm aware of the blind eye he turned toward the corruption around him. I guess that as long as I feel safe I just don't care so much.)

So to me, the word "Mayor" is just naturally followed by "Daley." For me, it's been far more good than bad. Richie Daley has been like a stern, blustery, plain spoken father to us all and I really, really didn't want him to retire. Especially with news stories coming out about Bin Laden's plans for my city. I trusted Mayor Daley to protect us.

Now there's a Mayor Emmanuel. Sounds funny. Yet the sun came up this morning anyway. No human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, or mass hysteria. So I will try to calm down and accept the inevitable.

Oh, I know Rahm can be a dick, just like the Mayor could be. But here's the difference -- no one, ever for a moment, believed that Richard M. Daley had any aspirations beyond City Hall. We all knew that governing this city was the end of his personal rainbow, his legacy. But what of Rahm? Are we just a stop on his way to bigger things and a national profile. I hope not.

And I wish Daddy was still here!


*My fondness for the son doesn't extend to the father, who left me a little skin crawly.

Stolen from Kwizgiver

a countdown from fifteen

[ 15 things that make you smile ]
1) Blue skies
2) The Cubs
3) The Lads from Liverpool
4) My work, when it's going well
5) Going to the movies
6) See my best friend's name in my inbox
7) My cats
8) NCIS
9) Reading
10) Checking my snail mailbox
11) Peanuts
12) Early, early morning and late, late at night
13) Pedicures
14) Massages
15) Hotel rooms

[ 14 things that make you frown ]
1) My belly
2) Being misunderstood
3) Space hogs
4) Mexican food
5) Fox News
6) Racial slurs
7) Ethnic slurs
8) Homophobic slurs
9) Bullies
10) Children running around unattended
11) The Three Stooges
12) Carlos Zambrano
13) Not having change for the vending machine
14) Neglected pets

[ 13 things you see every day ]
1) My cat Charlotte "helps" me with my skincare regimen by sitting on toilet seat and observing keenly
2) My wallet
3) My keys
4) My rings
5) A watch
6) My Lucy-Ethel alarm clock
7) My iPod
8) The el rumbling along the tracks
9) Sears Tower -- OOPS! Willis Tower
10) My cat Reynaldo being naughty
11) My cat Joey enjoying a catnap
12) The news
13) My pink bathmat

[ 12 things you have always wanted to try ]
1) Ballroom dancing
2) Rock climbing -- if I thought I was strong enough
3) A marathon -- if I thought I was strong enough
4) Getting a really nice wig
5) Getting my home organized
6) Crossing Abbey Road
7) Cross country skiing
8) Painting (as in walls, not a portrait)
9) See a live TV show
10) Skate
11) Take a cruise
12) Learn a foreign language

[ 11 objects that mean a lot to you ]
1) My iPod
2) My blue earrings from New Hope, PA
3) My MacBook
4) My quill/ink pot charm
5) Certain photos
6) Cable
7) My books
8) Personal letter from Senator John Kerry, thanking me for my support in 2004 (and signed with a fountain pen)
9) My late grandma's Cubs jersey
10) My late grandpa's ceramic jewelry box
11) My Graceland mug

[ 10 places you have been ]
1) Graceland
2) New York
3) Atlanta
4) Colonial Williamsburg
5) Hot Springs
6) Los Angeles
7) Key West
8) Boston
9) Paris
10) Washington, DC

[ 9 of your favorite foods ]
1) rib-eye steak
2) eggs over easy
3) pizza
4) cheeseburger
5) peanuts
6) cheese
7) chocolate
8) Coca Cola
9) Lox and capers

[ 8 things you would rather be doing ]
1) Wandering through a library or museum
2) Watching the Cubs in sunny Wrigley Field
3) Yammering with my best friend
4) Getting a massage
5) Enjoying a drink and watching the waves
6) Seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert
7) Seeing Paul McCartney in concert
8) Trying on sunglasses

[ 7 things you would take to a deserted island ]
1) Sunglasses
2) Sunscreen
3) Bug juice
4) Tunes
5) Movies
6) Books
7) Plenty of Coca Cola

[ 6 things you wish you never had to do ]
1) Laundry
2) Shop for utilitarian stuff like light bulbs and toilet paper
3) Sit through boring meetings
4) Kill time at the station waiting for the next train because I just missed the last one
5) Make insincere small talk with people I don't really like
6) Have another colonoscopy

[ 5 people that mean the world to you ]
1) My best friend
2) My mom
3) My niece
4) My nephew
5) My oldest friend

[ 4 of your biggest fears ]
1) Being dependent
2) Being homeless/poor
3) Being in a plane crash
4) Enduring an assault

[ 3 words to describe how you feel right now ]
1) Bored
2) Fidgety
3) Itchy (my skin is dry)

[ 2 things you're excited for ]
1) My niece's graduation
2) My best friend's birthday

[ 1 thing you want to say to someone ]
1) It's your life, make it what you want it to be!