I'm so full of it

Sure, yesterday I strongly implied that I had written off the Cubs' 2010 season. And that's true. But the individual games ... I can't look away, I can't not care.

This evening I stayed at work an extra 90 minutes -- until I was literally the last one on the floor -- because the Cub/Mariners game went 13 innings, and I was so afraid that I'd miss that critical last out, that I wouldn't be there, watching Gameday on the computer, when the momentum switched and they won.

Which, thank goodness, they did.

Which is why, when it comes to the Cubs, I'm still all Paula Abdul.

Stolen from Kwiz

You Crave Love

You don't feel like life is really worth living if you don't have anyone to love. You know that in the end, relationships are what matter most - and you put love first. Even if you've already found your true love, you're looking for more people to care for. You never like your life to be too quiet. You prefer it to be filled with friends, conversation, and laughter.

What Do You Crave?

Let me know if you scored the same as Kwizgiver & I.

Busy with busy work

Today a lot of work crossed my desk. None of it was remotely creative. We're remailing a project that was done last April and we have to make sure that all 18 versions are up to date and correct. Not glamorous, but it's important that it be done well.

I have enjoyed it in a factory-conveyor-belt kinda way. There's something satisfying about a project like this. X one version off the list, move onto another, feeling productive.

I cried tonight

In public. At a table in a bar. This is not like me.

I only had one drink, and I hadn't even finished it yet when I welled up, so it wasn't the booze talking.

It was a lot of things.

It occurred to me that it's been two weeks since Kathleen forgot all about me. She apologized, admitted that her behavior "sucked," and then, that was it. Not another word.

I mentioned this to my best friend because I tell him everything and besides, he knows us both. His response was confusing. He advised me to call her, right away, today, because if I didn't it was going to be like a "pebble in my shoe," disturbing me every day. He went on to say that friendships need to be "a two-way street" and that once she realizes she hurt me, "she'll understand."

Good advice, to be sure, but confusing because it so closely reflects his relationship with me. We began the year not speaking at all, which broke my heart. It's taken him awhile to fully comprehend how much power he has to hurt me himself, and to be more gentle with that power. So while I appreciated his advice and heeded it, it left me a little unsettled. I guess it means that he gets it. And I shouldn't look for trouble where there isn't any, because he and I are fine now and that makes me happy.

So I shot Kathleen an email and asked her, simply, "What's up?" She told me she had lots to tell me and offered to give me a ride home. Deja weird, because that's what happened two weeks ago when she offered me a ride and forgot me.

She showed up tonight, though. And all the way home she told me about her issues at work, how concerns about her career and money (her son is already in college and her daughter just finished her freshman year of high school, so that tuition bill is on its way, too). She had to fire someone, something I know for a fact blows and that I'm still not completely over.

I'm glad that I was able to help her. I told her that I didn't think it was an accident that she was suffering all these careers doubts and exhaustion at the very time that her nest was emptying. Also told her that firing that woman herself, letting that woman vent to a supervisor she knows, was a gift. She welled up. Then we stopped for a drink.

I'm glad we did. I was upset that we had spent the entire drive home talking about her, her, her. I know her problems are real, but regular readers of this blog this year has been tough for me, too. The shingles, the dental work, the work worries, and most of all, my mom and my uncle.

It was then that the tears started. Tonight I cried over my uncle for the first time.

Kathleen is a practicing Catholic, and while my religious beliefs are less conventional than hers, knowing how seriously she takes her faith made it easy for me to talk about mine. It was good to work it through out loud -- I told her one of my regrets is that my uncle never knew how much I appreciate his kindnesses, and now he never will; she says that somewhere, the man I love is still in his body somewhere and feels it. I didn't agree -- still don't -- but I realized that I believe, I know, that after he dies and soul and his mind and body are reunited in Heaven, he will feel it. And that gives me tremendous comfort.

So we never addressed the friendship/two-way street thing, but that's OK. Kathleen thanked me for being "an exquisite friend," which was lovely to hear. And I thanked her for my tears, which I feel my uncle deserves.

But the whole day was exhausting. Including the Cubs loss (see below).

Exhausting!

The Cubs lost tonight -- 8 to 1 to the Mariners. It doesn't so much bother me that we gave up 8 runs. It upsets me that, over and over, we had two on and no outs and didn't score. (I'm not kidding; that one run came on a solo home run).

It's the end of June. As much as it hurts to admit, this is not a play-off bound ball club. It's just not. And it's too sad and too tiring to stay up, watching them lose and lose big on the west coast.

Now all there is to do is stuff the ballot box so Marlon Byrd makes the NL All Star Team. Seeing us unable to score there, too, is just unacceptable.

Rod does Motown

I am actually enjoying this CD. Some of the cuts are cheesy ("Love Train") but for the most part, lushly arranged blues and Motown suit old Roderick's voice well. Perhaps Smokey Robinson and Rod Steward are a combination that was meant to be, because "You've Really Got a Hold on Me" and "Tracks of My Tears" are my favorites.

I Want Wednesday

I can't believe that the Independence Day Holiday is already next weekend. I'm not ready for summer to be speeding by so quickly. I want the baseball season prolonged so the Cubs have time to regroup.

Simply put, I want the days to go slower.

Clean Me for Tuesday

Got home, ate chicken salad and french fries, watched a late Cub game (they're in Seattle) and fell victim to a food coma. Nearly unable to move. Too tired to go to bed. And yet, I caught up with some of the paperwork that was beginning to devour the dining room table again: Medical and charity receipts in the Receipt envelope, vet bill in the Cat envelope, entered transactions into the computer so I could shred the credit card statements.

Thank you, thank you (she said, bowing deeply).

You're ours now, Lou

The Cubs played, and fell to, the Mariners in Seattle tonight. Lou Piniella's team is struggling, and these days he looks tired whenever they show him in the dugout.

And here we were, in Seattle. Home of past triumphs. I look at you and wonder, "Were you happier with the Mariners, Lou?"

Is this how second wives feel at graduations and weddings and all those other festive occasions when they find themselves face-to-face with the first wife?

He's so over me ... and I'm so glad

There's a guy in my building I have christened The Saddest Boy in the World because, well, he is. He's 40+, currently unemployed, shoulders all the responsibility for his mother, a stroke victim who was unpleasant when she was well.

He's long had a crush on me, which has always made me uncomfortable. For example, one evening, as I was moving my clothes to the dryers from the washers he was waiting to use, he asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was a writer. Thirty mins. later, when we were both down there again to retrieve my clothes, he brought a 20-year old compilation from a local poetry contest. He was a runner up and he read his poem to me. It was a sweet, touching and profoundly embarrassing moment.

Well, that's all over now. I have seen him twice lately, and both times he has gone out of his way to make sure I saw he was on his cell phone, in a conversation he just couldn't interrupt to speak to me.

Good for him! I hope he's happy, and less lonely.

10 on Tuesday

This week I reveal exactly how unhip and cornball I am by sharing 10 of the most played songs on my iPod.

"My Tears Dry on Their Own" -- Amy Winehouse

"Oooh, Child" -- The Five Stairsteps

"Oh Me, Oh My (I'm a Fool for You)" -- Lulu

"The Right Thing to Do" -- Carly Simon

"What a Fool Believes" -- The Doobie Brothers

"I Will" -- The Beatles

"My Heart and Soul" -- Marcia Ball

"More than You Know" -- Barbra Streisand

"We're All Alone" -- Boz Scaggs

"Dancing in the Moonlight" -- King Harvest


Lyrics | King Harvest lyrics - Dancing In The Moonlight lyrics

The Queen's Meme -- The Beach Meme

1. When is the last time you saw the ocean? Last December, when I was in Key West.

2. Where is your favorite stretch of beach shoreline? Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. One of the most gorgeous spots in the whole country!

3. Are you planning a beach vacation this year? Back to Key West for New Year's.

4. Bikinis or one-piece? One piece. Green.

5. Do you sunbathe or sit under an umbrella? Under an umbrella. With a drink in hand.

6. Have you ever been to a nude beach? God, no! There are parts of my alabaster skin that should never see sunlight. Ouch! Sunburn. Pain!

7. Favorite activity at the beach while on vacation? Sitting under an umbrella with a drink in my hand.

8. Condo, hotel or cottage rental? Hotel. I'm not a very summery, outdoorsy gal. In fact, too much heat makes me growl.

9. What beach in the whole wide world would you like to visit for the first time? Blackpool in England. It sounds so veddy, veddy British.

10. Did you ever have a special romantic time at the beach? Not the beach, technically, but I have snuggled and kissed alongside the Chicago River.

11. Tell us about a favorite beach memory. I was probably 16, which would have made my kid sister about 8. We were staying at the same cottage in Wisconsin my family dragged me to every damn summer. She was on me like Velcro anyway, so I deigned to let her accompany me out, way out to the raft, the destination of choice for us older kids. Of course I wouldn't let her get on the raft with me. I mean, she was only 8 and would listen in on my conversations with the other kids and rat on me. So she hung on the side, just basking in our sophistication. Until I noticed her pudgy fingers let go and glub, glub, glub ... down she went. I slid off the raft to retrieve her. She grabbed hold of my legs and quickly crawled up my body like a little monkey. I can still feel her hands and legs as she climbed to my shoulders. And stood there. Holding me under for what seemed like forever. Finally one of the other kids pulled her onto the raft so I could surface.

Save yourself! Stay out of the dungeon!
Click here to participate in this meme.

Twin Spin!

Both Molly the Cat and "my" homeless gentleman in front of McDonald's were out today! It made me happy to be able share my change with them, and I worry about them when they aren't around for a day or two.

Clean Me

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

As promised, today I took a close look into the sunglasses drawer. Once I added the glasses I found in jacket pockets and handbags and carelessly left on the kitchen counter, I confirmed what I suspected: I don't need to buy another pair of sunglasses again for a long, long time. Not when I have:

7 pairs with black frames
4 pairs with blue
3 pairs with brown
1 pair with purple
1 pair with grey

As with the earrings, now that I know what I have, I can choose more carefully in the morning and enjoy all that I have collected. I'm tossing one pair with a broken stem and one broken glasses case, and donating an additional two pairs of sunglasses and two cases to Goodwill.

Saving them is saving us

The people of the Gulf Coast are our neighbors. They are suffering ... again. This horrible oil spill is making it difficult for them to work, which means it's hard for them to keep up with their bills and their rent payments.

They need our help.

This country proved very generous when Haiti was decimated. I'd like to see us display similar compassion and generosity toward our own. I'm doing my small part by including this link. The Second Harvest Food Bank of Greater New Orleans and Acadiana is affiliated with Feeding America and Catholic Charities. I encourage everyone to investigate this and consider making a contribution.

Yes, BP has put aside $20 billion to handle the clean up and to respond to claims by those in the Gulf who have lost their livelihood. But even if the fund distributes the funds efficiently, it will still take weeks for checks to be cut.

These people don't have weeks to wait for that money. They have medical bills … utility bills … housing costs … childcare and petcare expenses … and, perhaps the ultimate insult, they have to pony up about $2.60/gallon for gas.

The Second Harvest Food Bank is helping these citizens with emergency food services. And I'm helping them with a cash contribution. Because getting a free bag of food from The Second Harvest will help their cash on hand go a little further and last a little longer.

I tried to stay. I really did.

I am going to tell this story without embellishment, because none is necessary. The real-life details are horrifying enough.

Today our agency's new chief creative officer started. This is a very big deal. There was a reception for him and we were all supposed to go up and shake his hand.

I went up to the meeting room where the reception was being held. I saw our agency president holding court, allowing two of our top production chiefs to sniff his ass with so much enthusiasm I thought I had wandered into a dog park. Unseemly, yes, but bearable. "Suck it up, Gal," I told myself. "You can expect office politics everywhere there's an office."

I moved over to the buffet, where I heard one of my coworkers ask, loudly, of the ranch dressing he was spooning onto his plate, "Is this lox?" Well, it's not often you encounter white, runny lox. Perhaps the BP oil spill has already done something heinous to all of our salmon.

Then a guy swaggered in who appeared proud of having too many piercings, too many tattoos and a severe, too-black-to-be-natural mullet-mohawk. (This is Brian Bosworth; I am quite sure even he has figured out this look is stupid and abandoned it.)

I couldn't stay another moment. I simply couldn't. I left before the CCO even arrived.

I grabbed a beer and hurried back to my desk to blog about it before I forgot a single detail. And was envious of people who work from home.

Look what I found ON DEMAND

I love this movie! Bad Influence is so perverse, and so 1980s (even though it was released in 1990). Rob Lowe plays the completely decadent, amoral but impossibly seductive Alex -- not unlike the guy I spent the 1980s with in real life. Alex is the opposite of Sam Seaborn of The West Wing. This is a guy who scoffs at idealists, or perhaps sleeps with their wives. James Spader, of all people, is the "normal" one, Everyman, the stand-in for you and me. If you can get past the way most of the women are hidden beneath curly perms and impossibly large polyester shoulders, it's enjoyable in a very twisted way.

Clean Me

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

I bought an earring/jewelry display and organized my earrings and necklaces. Now that they're in one place (instead of on the bathroom sink, the nightstand, the coffee table, etc.) I can wear and enjoy them all -- and not buy anything else I don't need. This, I have learned, is one of the secrets of controlling my stuff.

Next up: my sunglasses.

First photo with the new camera

My new Kodak EasyShare M350 is indeed pretty easy to figure out. My big old tomcat, Joey, was a very patient model. If Tyra was here, she'd declare "curly paws" as his signature pose.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Oh My! Meme, Part One

1. The phone rings; who don't you want it to be? My kid sister. We never just chat, so I'm afraid it will be bad news about one of her children or our mother.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Yes. I'm a good girl.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? TALKER!

4. What was the last compliment that someone gave you? One of my coworkers said, "I told him (our boss) I just can't be as nice about things as you are."

5. Do you play the lottery? Yes.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, who would you want with you? I'm sticking with my celebrity answer from last month's Sunday Stealing -- Bill Clinton. As I said then, I think he'd be a riot to hang out with for a few hours. Plus, since he has Secret Service protection and his wife is Secretary of State, someone would come looking for us pronto.

7. Do you like to ride horses? Yes

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes. It was the only thing that made Girl Scouting worthwhile.

9. What is your favorite party game? I don't think I have one ...

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it? There's no sin in some delicious flirting.

11. When was the last time that you lied? I told the sales guy at Best Buy I was buying the camera on behalf of my siblings for our dad. Since he thought I wasn't making the purchase decision completely on my own, he wouldn't try to upsell me. I just want a little point-and-shoot job, you know?

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Yes, and I have. As long as you treat one another's views with respect, it doesn't have to be a problem.

13. If you have a S/O, who pursued who? If not, do you like to pursue or be pursued? I'm more comfortable pursuing. I think it goes back to that Groucho Marx joke about not wanting to belong to any club that would have someone like me as a member.

14. Use six words to describe yourself. Pudgy. Loyal. Smart. Verbal. Sensitive. Independent.

15. Name a song that could make you cry? "Save the Best for Last." It so perfectly captured our relationship at the beginning. Unfortunately it ended badly, so that song tugs at my most tender heartstrings.






16. Are you pleased with your education? I wish I had more of it.

17. How do you feel about gun control? That it's sad we're still even having this conversation. We need to move away from this Old West mentality, where we're all armed and we settle our disputes in the streets with guns.

18. If your house was on fire, what thing would be the first thing you grabbed? Provided the cats are OK (and after all, they aren't "things"), I'd grab my wallet. Regardless of what happens next, I'll need ID and a credit card.

19. How often do you have a romantic weekend? So seldom, I don't remember.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Future.

21. What was the last adult magazine that you have read? Penthouse.

22. What are you told about your eyes? That they are very pretty and very green.

23. How tall is just right? Height doesn't really matter to me. Maybe because I'm just 5'2.

24. Where is your dream house located? High above Michigan Avenue.

25. Do you have a secret fetish? No. Any suggestions?

26. Have you tried bourbon? If yes, what type? If bourbon is the booze that's in a mint julep, then yes.

27. Have you ever seen a male or female stripper? Yes. We took a road trip to see the male strippers at The Sugar Shack in Lake Geneva. They were dressed like Alladin (while they were dressed).

28. When was the last time you were at TGI Fridays? Years ago. The service isn't what it could be.

29. When was the last time you were at Church? More recently than I've been to TGI Fridays. It's a more pleasant experience.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? It's dawn. The longest distance I have travelled is from the bedroom up the hall to the kitchen.

31. What was your favorite job? I worked in professional product development at Helene Curtis, writing the packaging and promotional materials. It was fun and I learned a ton about marketing

32. What condiments do you like at your BBQ? BBQ what? I like to add cinnamon to pork and beans. I put butter and salt on my corn on the cob. BBQ pork, beef and chicken don't require anything extra.

33. Bud is hosting Thursday Thunks this week. Will you play? I may. I may not. I'm wacky, madcap and devil-may-care that way.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad? Actually no. My parents and my two sisters are all dark eyed and tan easily. I'm green eyed and very pale. I used to think I was adopted.

35. Who was the last person that you showered with (it's okay to leave out the name)? Does a bath count?

Well, I didn't hate it ...

But I was very disappointed in it. Sex and the City 2, that is.

The boondoggle to Dubai is every bit the distraction as I feared it would be. Carrie's enduring love for Manhattan is so much a part of her character that something vital is missing. The slapstick hijinks are silly and insulting -- both to Middle Eastern culture and my intelligence. Samantha has become such a caricature that she's lost her humanity.

But it has it's moments -- my favorite is when Miranda gets Charlotte plastered, comparing notes on their lives as mothers. These are two characters that don't get much one-on-one time, and besides, friendship has always been at the heart of the SATC saga.

I also came away with new respect for Chris Noth and Cynthia Nixon. They alone are consistently authentic, even as the situations their characters find themselves in become more other worldly.

Clean Me

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

A day of actually DOING what I say I'm GONNA DO to get my life in order. I finally took that sweater set (that's been just sitting atop the dirty clothes hamper) to the dry cleaner, along with two winter coats. This is something I've been telling myself I'm GONNA DO for two weeks now. I began a new bag for Goodwill and also dropped another bag of bags (yes, I know, my bag fetish is ridiculous) at Kohl's for recycling before I went to Best Buy to get my new camera.

Happy Father's Day

Apparently electronics are popular Father's Day gifts, because Best Buy had a great sale on digital cameras. This is my new baby, a Kodak EasyShare M350. Hopefully I can figure out how to use it over the weekend.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Jumping Someone Else's Train

1. When was your last train ride? Thursday. It feels like I'm forever on trains -- the el or commuter trains to and from work, Amtrak to visit my client in downstate IL. Which is fine by me. Trains are a very peaceful way to travel.

2. How many foreign countries have you visited? Tell us about one. Five. Liechtenstein is the easiest to talk about. We literally drove through it one afternoon. I recall that it was very beautiful, with lots of pink and red roadside wildflowers everywhere. From what I could tell, they speak German rather exclusively -- as opposed to Switzerland, where everyone seemed to speak German or French or English.

3. What do you always take with you on vacation? Stamps so I can send postcards to friends and family.

4. Tell us about something you've lost recently. My ambition to be very productive on this, my day off. I got three loads of laundry done, vacuumed and straightened up under the sink, but that's about it. I think I went horribly off course when I stumbled upon I Love Lucy reruns onthe Hallmark Channel.

5. Do you prefer action packed vacations or relaxing ones? Relaxing. I have no desire to go on safari or climb a mountain.

6. How long will you wait in a check out line before abandoning your purchases? Depends on whether I'm on my way to catch a bus or train. If I'm not on a schedule, I'm rather patient.

7. How old do you wish you were? 35. I felt very womanly and sexy at 35.

8. Do you consider yourself kind? Yes. But there's room for improvement.

9. Tell us about your tattoos. Or if you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? I don't have any tats and don't want any. However, if there weren't needles and permanent dyes involved, I might get something small and discreet on my right shoulder.

Clean Me

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

The bag situation around here really is pathetic. Why do I hang onto them? Why is the thought of being without the proper bag for disposing of sodden litter or glass/plastic recyclables so intolerable? Well, tonight I have set aside yet another big bag of bags for the Peapod driver to take in exchange for my groceries.

And I love him

Happy Birthday, Sir Paul. Thank you for the most enduring relationship I have ever had with a man.

Clean Me for Thursday

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

This may not sound like a big deal, but trust me, for this Gal, it is. Yesterday, en route to picking up my nephew for the ballgame, I stopped at Goodwill and dropped off a bag of little stuff -- about two dozen pairs of earrings, brand-new pink flip-flops (a giveaway from a salon), a pair of books. The old me wouldn't have bothered "yet," figuring the bag wasn't big enough to bother with. What the New Clean Me realizes is that I actually must DO what I'm GONNA DO to get stuff out of here. Whether it's actually mailing that package to Operation: Shoebox, remembering to place that extra cosmetics bag I bought in my gym bag, or donating my costume jewelry to Goodwill, follow through matters even more than intention.

Go, Cubs, Go!

I love a close contest, and this was one. It was tied into the bottom of the 9th. And, thanks to Kosuke Fukodome, the Cubs won. Now I'm exhausted.

I spent 9 hours with my nephew, start to finish, and that's one long day for a barren spinster who usually only spends 9 hours at a crack with immature art directors. He started out mega-excited and ended up a little sullen. But I guess that's what happens to 10 year old boys over the long haul. Even good ones.

And we can file this under, "from out of the mouths of babes." When he saw the BP ad on Wrigley Field scoreboard, my nephew asked me if they had to pay to get it shown up there. I confirmed that yes, indeed, they did. He said he believed they'd do better to give that money to the fishermen who have lost work because of the spill. I was very proud of him.

Clean Me -- "Don't Look at Me!"

Like this kitty, I can't bear to have you look at me right now, because I have done nothing to improve my standard at living at home. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I just ate dinner, watched the game, twittered, and paid a lot of bills. Now I'm going to bed.

Forgive me!

"What the ef was that?"

That's Jon Stewart on the President's address from the Oval Office about the spill. The Daily Show is funnier than ever these days. For those who suspected that Stewart and Colbert would be handcuffed by a Democratic President, unable to find topics to mine for humor, they need not have worried.

After riffing on Obama's lackluster speech, Stewart took off after the Fox commentators who called the President "disingenuous" for invoking religion at the end of his address. How, he asked, would they have responded if he'd attended church to pray for divine intervention about the Gulf?

"Cannibal Obama feasts on Christ's blood."

Don't get me wrong -- there isn't an aspect of this that doesn't break my heart. I hate what's happening to, and will continue to devastate, our neighbors on the Gulf Coast. I hate the partisanship when we should be pulling together. I hate the apathy, the way some citizen's eyes glaze over the topic of the spill comes up. I hate that last night I got Jimmy Carter when I longed for JFK.

But I've got Jon and Stephen. Reminds me of those long ago days of Watergate, when the first 10 minutes of Johnny Carson's Tonight Show took away some of the sting with laughter.

Four days off! Four days off!

I am about to leave the office, not to return until June 21! These four days will include an observance of Sir Paul's 68th birthday, a trip to the vet, at least one workout and a possible excursion to the movies.

But the raison d'etre is tomorrow's baseball game! My nephew and I are going on our summer outing to see the Cubs play the Oakland A's. Some families have Ellis Island, mine has Wrigley Field. Once again I will point out all the signposts that bring past generations to life in that ballpark, and hopefully he'll feel a connection to those he never knew.

The Queen's Meme

So much crazy news out there lately -from sunbursts to outbursts to implants to supplements. Here are a few topics spinning off the newswire.. Sound off and tell us how you really feel about it. Your opinion counts.

1. What would you do about the BP oil spill? Give us your suggestions. I don't understand why everyone says we must "partner" with BP because they have the technology to fix the problem. Don't BP, Halliburton and Transocean have competitors? Don't these other companies have contingency plans in case of a spill? Let's call on them, encourage them to help, and reward them handsomely if they can successfully clean up after BP. (BTW, I know they wouldn't work well together. I want the competitors to be as fiercely cutthroat as possible, trying to come up with the best way possible to fix hole.)

2. Tipper and Al Gore are calling it quits. How does this happen after 40 years? Am I the only one surprised it wasn't Bill & Hill?

3. It’s hot! The heat index topped 104 degrees today in some parts of the United States. How is the weather in your part of the world? Low 80s and sunny.

4. Do you think smoking should be banned in public places? Yes. Here in Chicagoland it pretty much is prohibited.

5. Unemployment from the top down: Do you think President Obama has a good chance or no chance of being re-elected in the next US election? Depends on who he's running against.

6. What??! Actor Gary Coleman’s wife reportedly sold private pictures of the deceased actor on his deathbed. This girl gets progressively creepier with every new revelation.

7. Texting while driving. Do you? Don't you? Will you? Won't you? I don't drive, so I'm innocent of all charges.

8. Lindsay Lohan. Has she been treated fairly or unfairly by the legal system? Let's just say the legal system in California has a history of being more than fair to celebrities.

9. The Sarah Palin rumor mill caught wind of her recent decision to have breast implants….so said the reporters-who-need-to-get-a-job-and-stop-making-up-news. She has denied the earthshaking allegations. Was this really news? Sure. Why not? If Heidi Montag's multi-surgeries are newsworthy, so's the "did she/didn't she" on Sister Sarah.

10. An asteroid is supposed to hit Earth this Friday. Are you prepared? Asteroid ... Is that "duck and cover" or "stop, drop and roll?"

Play along and stay out of the dungeon! Click here for details.

Clean Me

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

Lordie, but I have a lot of buttons! And yarn. Seems every blouse or sweater I buy comes with extra buttons and yarn and, being a slob by nature, I just kinda leave them wherever they lay. Not anymore, folks! Not the new Clean Me! All the buttons and yarn -- as well as their "clutter cousins," the earring backs -- have been assembled. Oh! And the hair clips and headbands I bought while experimenting with longer hair have been collected and tucked away, too. The top of my dresser looks like someone else sleeps in this bedroom!

I also threw went through my cosmetics basket on my dresser and threw away three tubes of lipstick because, well, I hate lipstick. I have no idea why or when I bought this stuff, but it was beyond time to bid it adieu.

10 on Tuesday -- Prepare to be inspired

Ten Inspirational Sayings from My Office Bulletin Board

1) Everything I need to know I learned from the people trapped in my basement

2) Tons of therapy and I'm still totally fucked up

3) People who live in glass houses shouldn't masturbate

4) Gossipy, raunchy and potty-mouthed.

5) Inner beauty won't get you laid

6) I am not like the others. My strangeness is my strength.

7) Does my fat ass make my ass look fat?

8) Some days it really isn't worth chewing through the restraints

9) We're not gossiping. We're plotting our evil, left-wing feminist agenda.

10) Children are a blessing. You never know when you'll need blood or a spare kidney.

There. Now isn't your outlook brighter?

It amuses me

En route from lunch I road the elevator with a pair of impeccably groomed young men who were commenting on how "rotten" Chicago's baseball teams are and that's why they "hate baseball."

I fantasized spinning around, in full Scarlett O'Hara/fury mode, and slapping them across their smug faces. "Hate baseball? Don't ever say you hate baseball! Why, that's the same as saying you hate your Pa and Mother, that you hate America!"

Do twentysomethings still watch Gone with the Wind? Would they know that scene?

Oh well, I like imagining them rubbing their freshly shaved (and now freshly slapped) cheeks and wondering "what the fu ..." as I flounced off the elevator. (Because Scarlett would flounce.)