The TMI post

I didn't expect this to be stressful. The test required me to collect a day of urine in a big jug, then shake it up and fill a test tube. The lab provided me with a prepaid FedEx package. I was given a number to call for pick up. Easy-peasy, right? 

Well, no. Since the lab is reviewing not only the content of my output but the amount, I had to choose 24 hours when I would be certain to be home so I could add to the jug every time I went to the bathroom. So that took a little planning. Then there's the fact that I'm a woman, so my kit had a little something extra in it: a "collection device" to slip between the toilet seats. However, it didn't fit securely so I had to place it and remove it every time. My cat, Roy Hobbs, was confused and fascinated by this "collection device." I wiped it out as well as I could but I wouldn't be surprised if a cat hair made its way into the jug, too. I hope it doesn't spoil the sample. I don't want to do this again.

Then there was FedEx. I called Wednesday AM, the day I was doing the collecting, and scheduled a pick up for Thursday morning. I explained that it contained a test tube I was returning to a lab, so timing was important and I couldn't leave it downstairs in the lobby of my building; the driver would have to ring the bell. Unfortunately, the customer service rep seemed more amused by my last name -- which he'd never heard before! -- than interested in the details of my order. Because he didn't fill me with confidence, I read and reread the number he gave me back to him, to make sure everything was in order.

Since I had a bad feeling, I called at 7:30 Thursday morning, just to confirm the package would be picked up between 9 and 5. Again, timing is important. Guess what: somehow it had been cancelled. (I knew he was a dipshit.)

What the fuck! This sample is time-sensitive. The kit clearly states: "Any sample received after 96 hours from the start time will be rejected."

I worked with a super-helpful woman named Desiree who rescheduled me. For between "now and 1:00." Of course this meant I couldn't even take a shower or take that icky jug and "containment device" out to the dumpster until FedEx arrived because I had to be nearby to respond to the doorbell. Naturally, he came at 12:40. 

I admit it: I was a wreck. I tried to distract myself from worry that FedEx wouldn't come through. I worked on my GOTV postcards. I cleaned the bathtub. But mostly I worried. 

After I handed it off, I couldn't wait to get into the shower! Then I took a nap. 

In the olden days, I handled stress better than I do now. I had deadlines and art directors and producers to deal with, and it didn't exhaust me like yesterday did.

But as I reflect I realize two things:

1) In my professional life, I had more control than I did yesterday.

2) I understood everything that went on at work. Yesterday was new to me.

So now it's over. Now all I have to do is wait for the results, which will give the urologist the info he needs to give me diet tips to slow further kidney stone formation. So it's all good.

Plus, I now appreciate just going to the bathroom without all that rigmarole.