A lot of it is health related. Battling a lingering illness took a lot out of me, and I wasn't prepared for the impact it would have on my mood and outlook. But waking up every day for three months and finding I was still sick really weighed on me and depressed me. I can see this now that I'm (blessedly!) on the mend.
Much of it is because of those I love. Losing my dear Joe and learning bad news about both Connie and Rey has been very painful for me. Confirming that I am capable of loving beings that don't have fur, I've been worried about John ... and Mindy ... and Barb, of course ... Heart disease, hospice, cancer and the specter of death are part of my daily conversation in a way they never were before.
Some of it is work. My boss is being a moody dick these days. I understand why and could explain it, but I don't feel like it just now. Knowing the reason doesn't make absorbing it any easier.
Tons of it is financial. I'll be receiving a HUGE special assessment before year end. $4,100 to $4,500. I don't want to charge it or take on a loan, so there goes my long, long awaited bathroom remodel. Plus I've got my niece's graduation coming up ... and John's trip to the Lincoln sites in Springfield ... and my oldest friend's big 60th birthday celebration that includes me flying her back to Chicagoland ... Yes, I'll enjoy all of it and I'm happy to be able to deliver so many smiles to those who are close to me. But it will be expensive and time consuming and means no solo spa getaway for this gal, not this year.
So now what? All of these things are real. All of these things must be felt and dealt with. Ignoring them doesn't make them go away. Instead it causes them to fester and they can become very toxic to my heart and soul.
But I don't have to let the sad dominate me. I refuse to allow that. So I've been concentrating on my Cubs, of course. My Cubs never let me down. I enjoy them in losing seasons, so you can just imagine how much I'm loving this season.
Two other things I love are my birthday, and alone time. And so I am combining them and giving myself the perfect gift ...
The flight will be free. I'm using my American Airlines miles. Since my birthday falls during Thanksgiving week, I was surprised by how easy it was to get an ORD-MEM free flight.
I am splurging on my room. I love hotels, and I'm tickled that I'll be one of the early visitors at The Guest House at Graceland. This new hotel, run by the Presley family, will be opening in October. So it will still be new, but hopefully all the kinks will be worked out, by my late November birthday.
It bills itself as a luxury hotel just walking distance from the mansion. There's a free airport shuttle for guests, and plenty of dining options on the grounds, so if I want (and I may) I can spend my entire 3 day/2 night trip surrounded by the faithful. If that starts to feel like a little too much Elvis even for me, there's a shuttle to Beale Street. Memphis has a rock'n'roll museum I may take a look at, too.
Is this a silly solo adventure? Yes. Of course it is. And I need a little silly right now. Also, I truly do love Elvis. You can't be a fan of The Beatles and Bruce Springsteen and not hear his echo throughout. Plus I love his movies. I find his early ones touching, because you can see Elvis working hard and displaying genuine acting chops. And I love the middle technicolor ones because they are so good-hearted and empty-headed. And I love the late concert films because they show The King on stage, being The King.
Elvis did all he did -- from the sublime to the silly -- before he died at 42. That realization makes my head spin. Maybe it's the thoughts about my own health and the mortality of many of those around me that draws me to this. I don't know.
I'm just glad I'm going to Graceland.
OMG--this trip sounds simply divine!!!! What a birthday trip. I'm looking forward to every single detail.
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