Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The "What If" Meme

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? My but this is a negative first question! I respectfully choose to protect my karma and not answer.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Now this one doesn't bother me because it's a public service: Barry Manilow.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Bill Clinton. I worked on both his 1992 and 1996 campaigns and believe he did the country a lot of good. I also have faith in the Clinton Global Initiative. And that he would risk all that, tarnish all that just for a blow job really makes me want to ... well, punch him in the face. Just once. Or maybe a slap would do the trick. I just really want to work though all this lingering frustration.

4. What is your favorite cheese? Helen Reddy.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? I assume this means I am now giving my sandwich order for the rest of my life: ham, American cheese, lettuce and light mayo on wheat.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Hmm ... I bet the respondents to this meme will leave him tuckered out, but I must go with Mr. Clooney.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Bruce. The Boss. You know, the recent Kennedy Center Honoree.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Wow! I did Clooney and Springsteen one right after the other? Then I'll be spending that $100 at CVS on cranberry juice and a donut pillow.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Atlanta. So I can visit Chateau Elan.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Another spa treatment, please.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…? Vodka. There are so many ways to mix it so I'd never get bored.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? Tavern on the Green, ca. 1985. I want to have lunch with Jacqueline Onassis. I'd like to experience an hour with a lady I admired in her natural habitat, especially since now they're both gone.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Critters must be treated with kindness and respect.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise? Two knowledgeable people with differing points of view discuss a single topic -- always with civility and warmth for one another and perhaps even humor. That way we might actually learn something about the world around us. Of course, I get to choose the topic. One I'd especially like to hear is: "George and Ringo -- talented musicians or just damn lucky?"

15.What is your favorite curse word? Fuck. It's even more versatile than vodka.

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Scream. And, if I'm naked, cover up. It's never good to be underdressed around mummies.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item? My purse. I can't imagine leaving the house without my purse.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Clean up a bit. While going through my belongings, I think my mom would be mortified by what a bad housekeeper I became.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? Read minds.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? A particular incident of lovemaking with a very particular gentleman. Sigh.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? It involved a male relative and it was icky. Let's leave it at that.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? Canada. Specially Toronto. I really enjoyed visiting there and found it liveable.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be? I must investigate this and get back to you. After all, I have been banished to Canada and I'm not yet familiar with their bar scene.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”? My nephew's. I believe he would be impressed.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Abraham Lincoln. I believe President Obama could his advice (and is wise enough to welcome it, too).

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My Grandpa.

27. What’s your theme song? Amy Winehouse -- "My Tears Dry on their Own."

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