The Queen's Meme #4

Completed by Royal Decree

WBLOG TV: The Meme. The place where unbloggable news happens and sources are never a secret. You are the creator, producer, writer and news anchor of the WBLOG nightly news. It is your job to deliver the news in your own style from your own blog.

And oh, you get to make up the news! Here's your assignment:

1. The Weather Channel: I'm partly sunny with the sudden appearance of unruly curls. Humidity does just does that to me and my hair.

2. The News Channel: The Gal Herself remains steadfast in her attempts to avoid doing her annual Performance Self-Appraisal. (Details in the post below)

3. The Economic Channel: Our financial expert encourages you NOT to read the information on your paystub that details how much has been deducted from your check and why. The odds are you can't do anything about it, and focusing on what you're not taking home will only frustrate you. The wisdom of this advice dates back to early vaudeville:

Patient: "Doctor, my arm hurts when I do this."
Doctor: "Then don't do that."

4. The Entertainment Channel: All is not well with The Saved by the Bell reunion. Hear it from Lisa Tuttle herself.

5. The Sports Channel: Tegwar* is the high-stakes cards-and-dice game and it doesn't matter who I play against because I will always win.

6. The Comedy Channel: A mother is walking along the beach with her son. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a wave crashes onto the shore and sweeps the kid out to sea. Shocked and heartbroken, she falls to her knees and cries aloud to God above, "Good Lord, please! I promise I will become a good, church-going woman and obey all your Commandments. Just please undo what you have just done!" Just as suddenly another giant wave crashes against the shore and deposits her son, wet but none the worse for wear, right there on the beach. Again the mother raises her head and her voice to God, shouting, "He had a hat!"

Thank you, thank you. Enjoy your meal and please remember to tip your waitress.

7. The Religious Channel: To borrow from an old-time Chicago newspaperman, the new upstart religion of Galism exists to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

8. The Soap Opera Channel: The Cub Fans' Lament. It's the continuing, multi-generational saga that's been running for 100 years now. It tells the story of those brave souls who willingly face heartache, disappointment, billy goats, black cats and even Steve Bartman because they just can't help believing, "This is the year!" (The Cubs are in first place today, after all!)

*The Exciting Game Without Any Rules