She's flunking German. I think it's an ugly language, but that's not the point. She's been a good student for so very long -- now a sophomore in high school, she's been on the honor roll since 6th grade. She's especially driven now because she understands how important good grades are to her getting the grant money she expects to need for college.She's not doing well in school because her posse has defected on her. She has been the alpha dog/leader of the pack among her coterie since grammar school. When they all got into high school, she was able to maintain her leadership role. But it was hard. Other grade schools fed into the high school and her friends were distracted by many other new students they were just meeting. Especially Courtney and Jan. My niece feels that Courtney and Jan are frivolous, goofy, superficial, silly ... She drew a line in the sand: If you want to hang around with Courtney and Jan, you cannot spend time with her.
Guess what. No one walks home from school with my niece anymore. Her social schedule, which used to be jam packed, is now empty. Her phone doesn't ring at all over the weekend.
She's devastated. Her gal pals have chosen Courtney and Jan over her.
She's been crying a great deal. Her grades are clearly suffering. She's in so much pain. I can't discuss it with her because she doesn't know her mother has compared notes with me and my mom. If she was aware of how aware we are, my niece would die of embarrassment.
Her friends aren't dissing her. There's no organized conspiracy to exclude her. In a way, this was her choice -- she's the one who decided that no social gathering was big enough for her, Courtney and Jan. But she's unwilling or unable to rescind her stand about these two.
But it's still painful for her. A tough way to learn a lesson about trying to control others.
The teen years are rough. (Actually mine were unbearable.) It's hard to figure out who we are and where we fit in the world.
I love my niece. She's funny and thoughtful and respectful to my mom and me. She's very good student, too (that F in German aside). But she's not wise, and I don't see how I can help her. She's gonna have to learn these hard lessons on her own.
Up until my Senior year, I was very lonely. I had a few friends at school, but very rarely hung out with them outside of school.
ReplyDeletePrior to starting high school, I had two best friends...who, both ditched me for other friends. It was hard sitting home alone on weekends.
But, things did improve. My grades (which also took a nosedive) went back up to the highest they've ever been. I found a new group of friends who really cared about me. I discovered my passion for music, writing and reading as I had countless hours to spend on them.
Years later, I even reconciled with one of the two girls who ditched me. We're close enough friends that she even convinced me to pack up and move to a totally different place with her. It was the best thing I could have done.
Right now your niece is going through a rough spot. But, she will come out of it.
I see this kind of thing a lot. It's sad.
ReplyDeleteI can feel her ache. High school (middle school is the worst) can be incredibly cruel. I don't think the average general public realizes just how much and what some kids go through.
ReplyDeleteGerman is tough. I took three years, passing third year by the skin of my teeth. And because there were only three of us in the class, so we collaborated on much of the work.
ReplyDeleteThe more I hear about how tough teenage relationships are, the more I am glad I didn't have many. I'm still best friends with my best friend from sixth grade ad my best friend from eight, but geography kept us apart from eight and ninth grade respectively. I often wonder if the relationships would have survived high school had we not been separated.