Just like me, they long to be Close to Lou

The Chicago press loves Lou Pinella. He answers even awkward questions with amusingly mangled English (a sport mastered by Mayor Daley) and without picking fights with reporters or tossing homophobic slurs (a far uglier sport mastered by his South Side opposite number).

I love Lou Pinella because the Cubs are there, boys and girls! Tonight -- a night in OCTOBER! -- the playoffs begin and we're in it.

So here, with help from the Tribune, is my humble tribute to our manager, our hero, our court jester and fearless leader, Lou Pinella:

What Lou said vs What Lou meant

Ivory: Ivy

Michigan Mile Magnificent Mile

Karmac the Magician: Carnac the Magnificent

Stevie Eyre: Scott Eyre

Scott Ire: Scott Eyre

Stevie Ire: Scott Eyre

Vim and vinegar: Vim and vigor

"Go, Cubs, Win": "Go, Cubs, Go"

The Lou/Star Trek Connection

Dr. Bones shouted, "Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a mechanic!" This season an exasperated Lou has announced, "I'm a manager, not …

• "… a hygienist."
• "… the air conditioning man."
• "… a meteorologist."