Put them all together, they spell "Mother"

I just finished wrapping my mother's birthday gifts. I'm amused by the collection of disparate items I've chosen for her, and pleased by imagining how much she'll enjoy them all.

• Snow removal service. Because if I didn't do this, she would stubbornly be out there on her own, shovel in hand.

• Renewal of her TV Guide subscription. So she will never miss a Bulls game and can stay up on her behind-the-scenes gossip about soaps and talk shows.

• A pelican buried in the sand, enjoying a Long Island Iced Tea. Every year I get her a garish, horrible Christmas ornament. She loves them, and hangs them on the tree where she can see them as she enjoys her coffee and newspaper.

• Squirrel food. Made by Girl Scouts to benefit a local animal shelter, she'll enjoy watching the squirrels dine in her beloved backyard.

• Cranberry Body Butter. She's forever complaining about her dry skin.

Instead of a cake, we're going to have a giant Mrs. Field's chocolate chip cookie.

I love my mom very much, and while these gifts may seem less conventional than a sweater or a brooch, they are all perfect for her.