Here's a link to Mr. Clayton's writing and artwork.
15. Are you a picky eater? No. I can't tolerate spicy foods, but other than that, I'm good.
We all know someone like this. A year ago, they said Covid19 was overblown. During the first 6-9 months of the pandemic, they insisted that we should ignore Dr. Fauci and listen to "evidence over hysteria." That the corona virus is just like the flu. That they don't know anyone who has it. And even if they did catch it, hydroxychloroquine will "work just fine" because Trump says so. That it's been delightful to flout social distancing at restaurants with friends or at family gatherings.
Today it's different, isn't it? Now we all know someone who has had it. Some of us know people who died. A lot of the same people who complained about masks are now waiting in line to get the vaccine.
29 million Americans -- including me -- have been diagnosed with the corona virus. 524,000 Americans are dead. Heartbreaking. I'm sorry that so much tragedy has brought us here.
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| The Harrises and the Bidens at the ceremony honoring Covid19 victims, 1/21 |
I wish that, one year ago, we'd had national leadership that took a sober, serious approach to the corona virus. I wonder how many fewer cases we would have had.*
I'm still trying to make peace with this preventable tragedy. I saw a prayer for those who have died, and for those who are finally going to lead us out of this.
*Here's an article about last fall's Rose Garden superspreader event, written from a medical standpoint. Bad examples were set, and there were painful consequences. I hope everyone remembers this when they vote in 2022 and 2024.
BIRTHDAY (2014)
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
2) The video is all about baking a birthday cake. When did you most recently enjoy something home baked? Were you the baker? I can't recall the last time I had something home baked.
4) This week's song shares nothing but the title with a Beatles song. (Here's a video of Paul McCartney performing it live.) Can you think of another title that's been used by more than one song? "Best of My Love" by The Emotions and "Best of My Love" by The Eagles. Very different songs, but I love 'em both.
I was having one of those days when nothing felt quite right. I was unsettled. Annoyed. I went out in the sun and ran some errands but the clear blue skies didn't improve my mood. While I was at the bank, I saw a bin filled with books. The local children's welfare clinic was accepting donations for the waiting room and to distribute to patients in need. This clinic does wonderful work, providing medical, dental and behavioral care and charging fees along a sliding scale, depending on what the family can afford.
I supported a small business and helped a worthy charity. It lifted my mood. That's what I have to do when I'm like this: I have to get out of my own head and help others.
One of the highlights of the 2019 Turner Classic Film Festival for me. So very happy that it's available online. All four of these people have such affection for the film and clearly know it frame-by-frame. It was wonderful hearing Gone with the Wind discussed with the clear-eyed respect it deserves.
The fuckheads who believe TCM, or any movie lover, wants to ban or censor problematic films (like GWTW and Breakfast at Tiffany's) should watch this. It's exciting to hear films we love discussed as both art and artifact. Things can be complicated. We can feel conflicted. It's OK to talk about it! Honest conversation won't hurt you!
I admitted last week that the idea of getting a new TV has been hanging over me, causing me stress. Because it's not an event, it's a transition! The cable company will soon stop supporting the box next to my dear old tube TV, and if I don't take action, I'll no longer have service.
To escape my fog of overwhelmedness* I've decided to start moving through the process of switching one step at a time.
1) Call Comcast/Xfinity for advice. They were really very helpful and nice. I didn't like what they had to say -- hell, I don't want to be doing this at all! -- but it now sounds very doable. I'm going to lose everything on my DVR, which leaves me feeling desolate. But it is what it is. (If they could transfer content from my DVR, it could be bootlegged, and that would violate all those FBI warnings you see at the beginning of a DVD.)
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| Since it's a 23" set, this is nearly life sized |
I ordered it from Best Buy. Free shipping. It's in my den right now.
3) Order the Fire Stick. Haven't done this yet. I think I've settled on "Lite," because if I find I need more bells and whistles I can always trade up. But I want to do a little more research before I pull the trigger.
4) Make the appointment with Xfinity. They said it might take up to 10 days for a tech to get out here. That's fine. As I said, I don't really want to do this at all! The 10 days will give me more time with my 97% full DVR.
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| Farewell, old friend |
6) Call the junk service. They can take away the 14" TV and the broken stereo, and the 20-year-old AC unit that probably no longer works, and the carpeting remnants, and the old window screens. and ... I have so many things in this apartment that I've hung onto just because I thought I might need them someday, or because they're too heavy for me to haul to the dumpster, or they have to be disposed of carefully.
It still seems like a lot of work, especially for something I don't really want to do. But it has to be done, and now that I'm moving through the steps, I feel more confident. And while I'm losing a shitload of beloved content on my current DVR, the new one will hold more and I'll be able to watch Netflix and Prime on my set instead of on my laptop.
I'm finally entering the 2010s, I guess ...
*"Overwhelmedness" wasn't a word before but it is now. I say so.
†That was 8:03 AM. I had to be out the door at 8:10 in order
to make my train. I did it, in a daze. I still don't know why I went to
work that day. Why on earth was I willingly traveling to the city that is home to Sears Tower and the John Hancock Building? Plus, my office was in the same building as the Israeli Consulate. I had no sooner arrived at work than the Chicago Police Department evacuated us.
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| Rita Hayworth feeling bookish |
My favorite-most Cub, Anthony Rizzo, brought Kevin on to the field during Spring Training in Mesa.
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| Rizz' special cleats honor Kevin |
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28) What are you holding onto that it's time to let go of?
I have so much stuff in my walk in closet! Carpet remnants, window screens, a broken stereo ... all stuff I thought I might need for something some day. Guess what: I don't.
When I finally get the TV situation sorted out, I'm going to call the junk removal service and have much of this extraneous stuff hauled away.
My little old man will be 17 years old in April. That's the equivalent of 84 in human years. He'd been "off" lately: manic in his begging but picky about his food and losing weight, vomiting, confused and worried about being alone.
But since we started on the meds last month, he's gained 8 oz., he's eating more normally and I've found fewer wet surprises on the carpet. The bloodwork proves it: it's working!
This medication can lose efficacy after two years. But then he'll be 19, and 19 to a cat is 92 to a human. That's as much as I have any right to hope for.
I am feeling so grateful right now.
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27) What is something you want more of in your life?
Peace of mind. Contentment.
We're in the last innings, my loved ones and me. We're dealing with health issues we never had before. We're into, or are looking at, retirement and it's not going to be as comfortable for any of us as we'd just always assumed. (Oh, let's face it: some of us never thought this time would come!)
But there's a beauty to every season. I want to enjoy this time instead of worrying so much.
BILLS, BILLS, BILLS (1999)
2)
How often do you pay your bills? Do you handle them as they come in, or
do you pay weekly, bi-weekly or monthly? Or are you lucky enough to
have someone else handle your bills? Every Wednesday, if I can. I get paid on the 15th and the last day of the month, so some bills have to wait more than a week for payday to arrive.
3) Destiny's Child had a hit with "Bills, Bills, Bills." This girl group got their start in Houston, TX. During the recent, bruising storm, lead singer Beyonce sent food, money and water to her home state. Have you spent much time in the Lone Star State? I toured the Dallas area with my client's sales rep to get a better idea of their business in the region. It was early in my career, and it felt very sophisticated ... flying out, taking the sales rep to lunch and paying with my expense account (!), swimming in the motel pool before I turned in for the night. In retrospect, I smile because the rep and I ate at Chili's and it was such a modest motel. I bet it was one of the cheapest expense reports the accounting team ever received! But it's still a fond memory.
4) Beyonce is the breakout star of the group and went on to have a highly successful solo career. Can you think of another star who began his/her career as the member of a group? The supreme Miss Ross. With the passing of Mary Wilson earlier this year, Diana Ross is the last of the original Supremes who blasted onto the charts in 1964.
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| Florence, Mary and Diana |
9) Random question -- We've all met people who aren't exactly as they present themselves. Are you good at spotting a phony? I admit I have been fooled.
At the beginning of yesterday's call with Kathy, I told her I only had 45 minutes. Now 73, she has trouble with her memory. It's beyond garden-variety forgetfulness that comes with age. During every conversation she will say -- at least once -- that she "recently had a problem" with her brain but "it fixed itself." No, it hasn't. She has never mentioned this to a doctor and won't because she insists she's "fine." She's not.
Kathy is also a long-time friend. I've known her since the mid-1980s. During my bout with covid, she was very thoughtful and supportive. I want to maintain my relationship with her. I just don't want to be angry or depressed when I hang up. Hence, the 45 minute limit.
I told her that I had to log onto Zoom at 4:15. Later in the call, I reminded her, referring to it as "a conference call," just in case she forgot what Zoom is.
Most of the call was pleasant. We talked about her love of jigsaw puzzles, which has grown during the pandemic. I told her that this past year I've reread some favorite books. She briefly touched on how hard it is for her to read these days -- that she has to reread paragraphs sometimes. Then we started talking about my love of the Cubs, and she said it makes her happy to think of how happy I must be for spring training.
Somehow we got on the subject of my favorite grandmother's jersey. My cousin liked to take Grandma to Wrigley Field for Mother's Day, and she always wore a Cub cap and her #23 Ryne Sandberg jersey for the occasion. She looked adorable, by the way. We buried her with the cap in her hands, and after she'd been gone for a while, my cousin gave me her jersey because I was now our "matriarch of Cub fans." I love wearing that jersey.
I thought -- since Kathy said she enjoyed my Cubbie love -- that she would like that story. She's a grandmother herself, after all.
Somehow it made her edgy. She started to tell me a story that confused me about her sister Kim ("the one with the big mouth") and her brother and their father. I really wasn't following it and whatever she was trying to tell me was upsetting her. AND it was nearly 4:15.
"I'm sorry to do this to you, but I've got to go. It's 4:14. I've got a meeting, remember?"
"Isn't that like you! You end things when it's comfortable for you to end them. Just like you!"
Wow. Now she's lashing out.
"Look," I said evenly, "I told you I had to go at 4:15. I have to go. It's payday tomorrow and every once in a while they expect me to do something to earn it."
"Oh, OK. Goodbye."
I was relieved to end the call but sorry it ended on such a negative note. It left me rattled all evening.
Apparently she was, too, because she sent me a text before she went to bed, apologizing.
Fortunately, I just finished a book about Rita Hayworth. A major movie star in the 1940s and 1950s, she retired from the public eye when she was 53. The glamor girl was appearing in public angry and disheveled. It was assumed that she was an alcoholic. It was early onset Alzheimer's, a disease not well known or understood in the 1970s. Rita's outbursts were born not of booze but of terror and frustration she could not communicate.
So the Love Goddess of WWII and the retired real estate agent in Dekalb have a lot in common: Forgetfulness, confusion and anger at their vulnerability. The book about Rita was unremittingly sad. But I'm glad I read it, for it will remind me to be more compassionate.
Just as a biography I read about Johnny Carson, of all people, gave me insights into my Cousin Rose. I'm so grateful when I learn from what I read!
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26) Most companies have a set of core values that act as guiding principals for their operations. On a personal level, what are your core values?
At the TCM Film Festival, in an interview about his career making movie music, Burt Bachrach said "Alfie" was his favorite song. While he wrote the melody, which is haunting and lovely, it's Hal David's lyrics that have always gotten to me, ever since I was a little girl. It puts my Christian faith in such accessible, conversational terms.
We live in a country where some in the Christian community cling to Donald Trump with his casual cruelty, his win-at-any-cost mentality and the way he equates force with strength. My response is this lyric:
If only fools are kind, then I guess it is wise to be cruel. And if life belongs only to the strong, what will you lend on an old Golden Rule?
As sure as I believe there's a Heaven above, I know there's something much more, something even non-believers can believe in. I believe in love.
When you walk, let your heart lead the way and you'll find love any day.
I try to live this. I fall short often. I have an impetuous nature and a bad temper, both of which get in the way.
But I do believe this. It reflects who I want to be. And God knows how hard I try.
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25) What is a topic you could talk about for hours if you had a captive audience? What would you tell them?
Junk conspiracy theorists love to point to superficial similarities between the Kennedy and Lincoln assassinations (Both their names have seven letters! Both were shot in the head!) and conclude the two events were somehow destined. I'm more interested in the real-life similarities between their wives.
In addition to sitting beside their husbands when they were shot, both Mary Lincoln and Jacqueline Kennedy:
• Were "daddy's girls" and sure they were their father's favorite
• Lost a child before entering the White House (Mary's son Eddie, Jackie's still-born daughter Arabella) and then again as First Lady (Mary's son Willie, Jackie's son Patrick)
• Spoke fluent French, which their husbands believed lent them a little reflected class
• Made their husbands crazy with their spending on clothes
• Were discouraged from being with their husbands when they died (Mary was banished from the deathbed, Jackie literally slugged a nurse to get into the trauma room)
• Lived abroad as widows -- Mary and her son Tad spent years traveling through Europe and Jackie lived in Greece with her second husband, Aristotle Onassis
This is off the top of my head. I'm sure there's more if I looked it up.
I'm not implying that these similarities mean the assassinations were cosmically connected. That's ridiculous. But I do wonder what it was like in Heaven when they met. I suspect Mary said, "At last! Someone who gets me!"
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24) What is something you've been avoiding? Why are you putting it off? How would you feel if you took care of it?
I need a new TV. I don't want one, I need one. I still have a tube TV and last year, at the beginning of the pandemic, when an Xfinity repairman upgraded my modem, he told me that "soon" the box next to my TV would no longer be supported.
I'm putting it off for three reasons:
1) My old-school TV suits my purposes and I hate to see something in a landfill that's still working
2) I haven't purchased a new TV in (literally) 20 years and I'm worried that the one I choose won't work with my Xfinity services and I'll lose everything on my DVR
3) I'll have to beg and plead for a cable guy to come out because NO WAY can I hook up this TV alone.
It's easier to pull the covers over my head and maintain the status quo. Though I guess the decision really isn't mine.
I'll feel better when it's done. But the step-by-step of it -- choosing the TV, having it delivered, wooing Xfinity to send someone out with the new equipment and to take the old box away, and then calling a junk man to take the TV (and lots of other stuff) away -- gives me agita.
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| Rita Hayworth feeling bookish |
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23) Who gets on your last nerve? What do they do that bothers you so much? Why does it bother you so much? Why do you think they do that? Now what is an endearing quality they have?
Dizzy Betty from movie group!
What does she do that bothers me so much?
• We meet on Zoom now, and she is forever adjusting her monitor to use it as a mirror to fix her hair. This detracts attention from the person who is talking.
• There's a sameness to her comments.. "How about Cary Grant [or Joan Crawford]? Wasn't he [she] gorgeous?" Yeah, Betty, that advances the conversation.
• You can count on her to miss MAJOR plot points.
Betty: Was anyone else surprised that the cowgirl didn't marry her childhood sweetheart in the end?
Moderator: Um, Betty? The sheriff hanged him, remember?
Betty: Oh. Missed that!
Why does it bother me? Because she sucks up all the oxygen and adds nothing.
Why do I think she does this? She's a woman of a certain age (at least 55) who has told me about her days, 30+ years ago, as a beauty pageant contestant and a model. She had some success, and you can tell by her reminiscences that these were happy times. I think she misses having all eyes on her.
What is an endearing quality of Betty's? She reminds everyone to pay our moderator, Will, for these online meetups. He used to charge $5/person, but since we no longer meet in person, he doesn't have to pay venue rental. He's embarrassed to ask for payment and sporadically asks us to give what we can to keep the group afloat. But he works hard to find the films online for free, research them and run the group. PLUS he works trade shows for McCormick Place and clearly, with Covid, he's not working. I think it's nice of Betty to pipe up and spur us to pay up.
OK, I get it. She's a faded beauty queen in an unhappy marriage (she told me that, too) and it gives her some small pleasure to have all eyes on her. Would it kill me to show her some compassion? No. (<<< Hanging my head.)
It was sunny and 79º and Rizz took the field. This opens my heart. I keep thinking of that line Bruce Springsteen sings, "I'm ready to grow young again." LET'S GO!
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22) How do you want to feel today? Do you feel that way? What can you do that would help you feel that way?
I want to feel productive, like I'm making good use of the day and not wasting my time. It's early as I post this, so I don't know if I will get there. But in addition to monitoring my work email to see what my clients want, I've given myself some little chores to do (wash dishes and clean the sink, schedule my annual checkup with the dermatologist) to help keep me on track.
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21) Who is someone you admire? Why?
I admire my new boss, Aaron. He's a very good supervisor -- always listening, always supportive. This not only makes him kind, it makes him smart. If Aaron needed an internal organ, I would get myself tested as a donor. I'm that loyal to him now.
In the past year have you–
1. Gone without a bra? Not unless I was in my pjs.
2. Skipped making your bed? Haven't made my bed regularly since my mom gave up on trying to make me.
3. Ordered groceries to be delivered? Yes
4. Cooked a real meal? Yes, but not well.
5. Spent the day in pajamas? I actually had covid. I think I spent five weeks in my pajamas.(Anyone who tells you covid is "just the flu" is not your friend.)
6. Skipped shaving your legs? Yes.
7. Spent hours on Instagram or Pinterest? No
8. Eaten in a restaurant? Less than 10 times in the last year. I miss it.
9. Skipped washing your hair? Not more than two days. Even when I was sick, I tried to shower. It reliably makes me feel better.
10. Not folded the laundry? No. I did go weeks without doing laundry when I was sick, but if I do wash my clothes I always fold them right away.
11. Worked a puzzle? No. Though I have two right here. My friend Kathy loves to do puzzles and so she sends them to me. She means well. This reminds me: I must call her. (And when things open up a bit more, I'll take the puzzles to Goodwill so someone else can enjoy them.)
12. Had Zoom calls? I work on Zoom. I worship on Zoom. My movie group meets on Zoom. My friend Joanna prefers Zoom to the phone. So yes, I've had Zoom calls.
13. Written letters? Yeah, but I did that before the pandemic.
14. Binge watched a TV show? Yeah, but I did that before the pandemic, too.
15.Gone barefoot? Yeah, but guess what: I did that before the pandemic, too. I'm just a barefoot, binge-watching letter writer!
