WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid. This is the story of a famous yet fictional 70s band -- how they got together, how they climbed to the top of the charts, why they broke up. I love how it captures the vibe of the time. I was a teenager in the 70s and can imagine myself looking up to Daisy as a kind of Stevie Nicks rock goddess. At one point she says, "I'm not the muse. I'm the somebody." Love that!

It unfolds as an oral history, which is an interesting device. Alas, for me, it's not completely successful. When Daisy is speaking, I'm captivated. But right now, the various members of The Six are not yet distinct from one another. I'm often pausing to see "which guy is this?" 

But I'm sticking with it. When I'm done, I intend to check out the Amazon Prime series. Daisy is played by Riley Keough, who just so happens to be the granddaughter of The King himself, Elvis. I find that most intriguing!

2. What did you recently finish reading? In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. I originally read this book approximately 20 years ago. I picked up a second-hand paperback in a gift shop en route to Little Rock Airport (now Clinton National). It left a big impression on me. But, since a quadruple homicide isn't exactly light and lovely reading, I never picked it up again. Until now.

For since then, Truman Capote has loomed large as a personality, not necessarily as an author. I've seen the movie Capote (with an Oscar-winning turn from Philip Seymour Hoffman) and read Deliberate Cruelty and Capote's Women. Truman is one of those people who, the more I know about him, the less I like him. He was manipulative, petulant, self-indulgent and disloyal. 

So I decided to go back to egg. I reread In Cold Blood to discover why Capote still matters. My conclusion? The dreadful little fuck wrote a masterpiece.

 

This is not "true crime" in the sense we know it today. It's not really about the mechanics of the murder of the Clutters. It's about us, America. It's about how we treat our children (the difference between the Clutter family and the family one of the murderers grew up in is stark). How we treat our inmates (no wonder we have habitual criminals) and the vicissitudes of the  death penalty. It's about Christian faith, forgiveness and the promise of Heaven. In short: this is so much more than any "ripped from the headlines" episode of Law & Order.

It's not a perfect book. I don't feel like enumerating the issues I had with it on the reread that I wasn't aware of 20 years ago. Because it's a beautifully written book with a powerful message. I'd rather leave it at that.

 

3. What will read next? Something light.

 

 

No longer in the dog house

John has been texting me this evening during the White Sox-Yankees game. He just can't look at Anthony Rizzo without thinking of me. 

I don't know what's going on with him. I don't know why he's so unhappy and why he's not taking steps to reverse his fortunes. I wish things were different.

But at least we're us again. And that's a lot.

 PS Shoutout to the ladies who commented about my struggles with my oldest friend. Your words meant a great to me. Thank you so.

Making peace with moving on

Neither John nor my oldest friend seems to care much that we aren't getting along. John appears content to walk with a cane, drink too much, and watch his life get smaller and smaller due to financial and mobility issues. Sure, it makes him hostile, but not uncomfortable enough to change anything. I don't like watching him, and I don't like the way he snaps at me.

My oldest friend finally answered my Thursday email ... late Sunday night. Her reasons for not getting back to me were chaotic and not wholly convincing. She's making doctor's appointments and having tests and getting her ID renewed and fighting with her bank ... Like any one of those things isn't over by 7:00 PM. I appreciate that her life is a mess right now, but think about it: How late have you ever stood in line at the DMV or the bank? What's the latest your doctor ever phoned with test results? That means her April and May evenings have been spent doing things with people she prioritizes over me. 

So I get it. They are each more important to me than I am to them. This realization hurts me a great deal since they are part of my life: John and I have been friends since 1979, she and I were Kindergarten classmates in 1963. 

But this death by a million cuts thing, this waiting for either of them to "come back" and be who they were once were to me, is painful, too. And so I'm doing my own re-prioritizing, reshuffling the deck, if you will, and trying to become less dependent on them. 

I'm not ending these friendships. That would be too drastic and too unnecessary. After all, this isn't 5th grade. If my oldest friend ever does get around to calling me and a game isn't on,* I'll pick up and won't let it go to voicemail. And John's birthday is next month. I have his gift here and will celebrate with him.

But I'm going to consciously allow this distance between us to grow. It won't be easy, because they each hold so many of my best memories. But I'm tired of feeling like the ugly girl at closing time, hoping they'll notice me.

I will miss them. But I miss them now, too, already. Here's a quote my friend Patrick posted on Facebook. It's very wise.

From now on, I'm going to celebrate the people who value me, and not concentrate on the ones who seem to regard nurturing our friendship as something to mark off their "to-do" lists. At least I'm going to try to.

Just why the fuck did they both have pull this at the same time? Ah, life's imponderables!

*Remember, it took her three days to scratch out a one paragraph email response, so I won't feel guilty for putting Rizzo above her.

Sunday Stealing

 

Stolen from League of Extraordinary penpals

1. What are your plans for June? I've got some doctor appointments, some dentist appointments, some volunteer hours to log in preparation for the local library book sale and a trip to the Art Institute of Chicago planned.

2. Your mid year resolutions or goals. To continue with yoga and drinking more water.

3. Are you good at taking care of plants. Yes.

4. What makes you feel nourished. I suspect I'm supposed to give a deep, emotional response here, but what comes to mind is the really fantastic cheeseburger I had Saturday afternoon while dining with my nephew.

5. Which animals do you see most in your area. Dogs, squirrels, sparrows, rabbits, and my cat Roy Hobbs is right here with me as I answer these questions.

6. Books on your summer reading list. I'm looking forward to Camera Girl: The Coming of Age of Jackie Bouvier Kennedy. Carl Sferrazza Anthony is a respected writer/researcher and an expert on our nation's First Ladies, so I expect this study of Jackie's early years to be credible and informative, not salacious.

7. Projects you want to tackle this summer. Nothing particular. It would be nice if I got the caulk around the tub replaced, but it won't be fatal if I don't get around to it.

8. Do you have weddings, graduations, summer celebrations. My friend John's birthday in July.

9. Which summer snacks are you excited to enjoy again. There are three local ice cream shops that can look forward to my business.

10. How much time do you like to take for vacations. Usually 4-5 days is plenty for me. Then I want to get back home.

11. How much has changed since last summer? Since last summer I've had some health problems and I retired.

12. Something that would be out of character for you. Watching NASCAR. Or football. It's a toss up as to which sport leaves me colder.

13. What do you miss about winter? The vibe. People tend to be friendlier in the cold then they are during the scorching days of summer.

14. Your favorite free/cost effective ways to have fun. I love the library!

15. Who do you trust most to house & pet sit. Either my friend Kathleen or my nephew.

I wish I wasn't like this

I am lucky that I have attentive, involved friends. Elaine just sent me a link to a series of concerts in Grant Park that she wants us to attend. I'm meeting my old work buddies for lunch this coming week. Mindy asked me for a list of "open" Friday nights so we can get together downtown for happy hour. Joanna wants us to get together so she can fill me in on her "work transition".* Nancy is checking her husband's schedule so she can see when the three of us can have dinner (she loves it that she has a friend -- me! -- that he really likes). And of course tomorrow is my movie group.

So why aren't I happier? Because of the three not included in the paragraph above. 

•  My oldest friend. I've called her at least five times in the last 7 weeks and she never calls me back. I used to think it was because her voicemail box is always full (she says she likes it that way) but she swears to me that she checks her phone regularly to see who calls. OK, so that means she scrolls through, sees my name, and chooses to ignore me. On Thursday I sent her an email, letting her know that this hurts my feelings. Here it is Sunday morning and she still hasn't responded. I met her in Kindergarten, when I was 4 years old. That's 61 years ago. It hurts to know how little making it right between us means to her, what a low priority I've become. (It must be said that she does regularly send me cat videos via Facebook Messenger; no note, just the videos. I don't consider that communication.)

•  John. He was so grumpy and unhappy when we got together last week and it really disturbed me. He drank a lot and was unpleasant in that so little makes him happy. I worry that he's not OK, but I don't want to reach out because he seemed so displeased with me.

•  Henry. My darling friend is gone to me. With the TBI, alcohol and dementia, he has no sense of time anymore. He doesn't miss me because as far as he's concerned, we just spoke yesterday. I don't call him because I'm afraid of upsetting him. He's often happy in the moment but mercurial and I don't want to be the catalyst that sends him on a downward spiral. I miss him. I have a difficult time accepting that he will never be wholly him again. I'm trying not to be angry that neither Reg nor Henry has received counseling in years. The pain has lessened and will lessen more, I know, but a day doesn't go by that this doesn't cause me pain.

So instead of enjoying the invitations that Elaine, Mindy, Joanna and Nancy are sending me, I look at my phone and I'm sad because there's nothing from my oldest friend, John or Henry. 

I wish I wasn't like this.

*I don't know what it means, either, but Joanna has reinvented her career before so I'm looking forward to hearing what she envisions for herself.

Photo by Magnet.me on Unsplash

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Best (1991)

In memory of Tina Turner, who died on May 24.

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 
1) In this song, Tina Turner sings that she can think of no better place to be than her lover's arms. Since we're entering summer vacation season, let's switch it to: What's the best place you've ever traveled to? This is hard, because there are so many vacation destinations I'd love to return to! But right now I'll go with Colonial Williamsburg. I love getting my nerd on and learning about America in the 18th century, and then going to the spa and being pampered. I was always such a happy Gal when I was there.

2) Songwriters Holly Knight and Desmond Child originally offered this song to English pop singer Paul Young. He declined it. Can you think of a time when you said "no" when "yes" might have been a better answer? Oh, there was a guy who really liked me. His name was Bill. He was as sweet to me as he could be. I only went out with him twice, choosing instead to wait by the phone for the sexier guy to call me. Unfortunately, he did. I wasted my 20s in a really unhealthy relationship. I am quite confident I would have been better off with Bill. Of course, I really didn't want Bill. No zsa zsa zu. In SATC, Carrie Bradshaw defined the zsa zsa zu as "'the butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn’t that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu…'” So it probably wouldn't have lasted with Bill anyway.

Doesn't even look like Frank, does it?

3) Tina Turner was born in Nutbush, TN. In 1973 she recorded a song about it called "Nutbush City Limits." Is there a song about your hometown? Why yes there are! Two specific ones come to mind. Both immortalized by my man Francis Albert Sinatra. "My Kind of Town (Chicago Is)" and "Chicago (That Toddlin' Town)." I am amused that the Yankees are giving away Sinatra bobbleheads next weekend. Yeah, yeah, whatever, New York. He sang twice as many songs about us.

4) It was at Nutbush's Spring Hill Baptist Church that very young Tina began singing with the choir. She credited those early performances with giving her confidence in front of a crowd. Are you comfortable with public speaking? Yes. I learned over my career that for the most part, audiences want to like you.

5) When she was a teen, her mom relocated the family to St. Louis. It was here that Tina played on the high school basketball team. Can you make a free throw? Since I've never tried, the answer is no.

 

6) Tina met her second husband, Erwin Bach, at the airport. A record exec, Erwin went to Heathrow to meet her flight and help her prepare for her London appearances. The last time you were at the airport, were you a traveler or were you meeting or dropping someone off? I was coming home from Hollywood and the TCM Classic Film Festival. Ten months until next year's fest.

 

7) In 1991, the year this record was released, Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury died. What's your favorite Queen song? "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," because it's about the zsa zsa zsu.

 

8) Also in 1991, Disney's Beauty and the Beast became the first animated movie to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. What's your favorite Disney movie?

Mary Poppins was practically perfect in every way

9) Random question: What's your perfect day, weatherwise? Sunny, dry and 65º.

OK, that wasn't smart

I spent three hours working the local library book sale. One nice thing about being retired is I can help in the afternoon, when they have trouble getting volunteers. I signed up to receive and sort donated books. I filled a box with paperback and hardcover books, labeled it GENERAL NON-FICTION,* and, to make room for more books, moved it from atop the table to under it. Ow ow ow! My back really rejected that particular bit of activity.

So I moved to assembling boxes instead of filling them. I became a box building machine! Unfolding and refolding all the sides in tight, taping the bottom and crossing out* any writing from years gone by. Far, far more boring than sorting, but easier on my back.

Note to self: When you return to volunteer again in a couple weeks, don't be stupid and think you can easily bend while holding 35 lbs.of books. 

*I'd forgotten how much I like the smell of magic markers.

#14: Minimizes the impulse to be a Karen

My TT this week (below) is about the personal positive impact yoga classes have had on me. This Tuesday, I felt the effect the class has on my life in general.

I'd missed two weeks of yoga because of dental work, and when I went back, things were different. New studio manager, who happened to be offsite. Our regular Tuesday morning classes were not on the schedule for June, and there was no one we could ask about it. The girl at the desk, while friendly and nice, has no first-hand knowledge or authority. Worse, our wonderful instructor, Rachel, admitted management hadn't told her if she'd be needed after this Friday. WHAT? Today is Tuesday! That's not fair to Rachel!

The other old broad in the class and I went into Norma Rae mode. We encouraged all our classmates to politely mention on the way out that we want to/expect to/will return next Tuesday morning. Then we were each going to email as soon as we got to our homes or offices, explaining that we love Rachel and that Tuesday morning is the best time for us. Last, we were going to leave voicemails overnight, saying the same thing. (I emphasized that we didn't want to call when the studio is open on Tuesday because we'd just get the same lovely front desk girl. Why hassle her? She's not the decision maker.)

The calls weren't necessary. By Tuesday afternoon, we got an email blast from management that our Tuesday Restore classes were being restored, an d Rachel would remain as our instructor. It ended with a thank you for expressing our love for Rachel and the class. 

Before I left the studio Tuesday morning, Rachel took my hand and said, "Gal, you're an angel." I like to think so, of course. ;) But here's what I learned and want to share: praising good service is as effective and feels much better than bitching about bad service. 

Namaste,

Thursday Thirteen #311

Thirteen benefits of yoga. In December I began attending yoga classes. I still don't enjoy doing it* but I'm always glad I did it. It's made a difference! And, after a little research, I realize I'm not imagining it. Yoga is beneficial to us because it ...

1. Reduces stress. I can feel the stress almost drip from my fingertips as soon as I unroll my mat on the floor of that darkened room.
   
2. Promotes relaxation. Even though my mind wanders and I privately dismiss some of the relaxation techniques as bullshit, I do always, always feel better once I'm done.
   
3. Enhances mindfulness. OK, I used to file "mindfulness" under "bullshit." But I find that even when mind wanders during yoga, it wanders to positive and productive places. For example, at least once per class the instructor tells us to imagine we're on the mat for a loved one who can't be. That gets me thinking of my oldest friend or my dear friend Henry, and always with affection.
   
4. Reduces inflammation, because it combines relaxation techniques with muscle movement.
5. Improves flexibility. I'm nowhere near as stiff in the morning.
6. Reduces chronic pain. It didn't occur to me until I began researching this post, but I don't think I'e had more than two headaches in 2023. (Hope this doesn't jinx it.)
   
7. Enhances balance, which is important to me because of my bad back. Spinal stenosis has left me very "right dominant," and in the past I've been vulnerable to slips and falls. Between yoga and visits to the chiropractor, this just doesn't happen anymore.
8. Improves the immune system. To be honest, I don't know that I've suffered fewer colds/flu since I began yoga, but maybe I'm not paying attention.
   
9. Increases strength, because some poses require you to "hold your weight," and let's face it, my weight is considerable.
10. Boosts heart health. Even though yoga doesn't have the same cardiovascular benefits as aerobic exercise, it's still does your heart some good.
    
11. Enhances digestion because holding yoga poses can help straighten the midsection, and this can help with bloating and constipation. I love this.
    
12. Facilitates effective breathing, because holding those poses increases oxygen flow.
    
13. Improves your outlook. No, really! I feel better after class and miss it when I have to skip a week.
    

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

*The room is hot, I'm not very good at it, and my mind wanders.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. I've read a lot about Truman this past year and have found him to be an appalling little shit. Angry, petulant, self-indulgent and disloyal. So I decided to revisit this book and remind myself why he's still relevant. 

He wrote like an angel. There isn't a single passage in this book that you can't visualize. His literary choices (what to include, what to leave out, what to contrast) are impeccable. It's a heartbreaking privilege to read this book.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Elizabeth and Monty: The Untold Story of Their Intimate Friendship by Charles Casillo. Elizabeth Taylor and Montgomery Clift made three films together and were close friends for 16 years. Richard Burton once said to Clift, "Elizabeth likes me but she loves you." 

I had hoped this book would be an exploration of their platonic friendship and what it meant to each of them. It isn't, really. It's more a recitation of what happened to them between 1951 and 1967.

During those years, Elizabeth married five different men, was widowed once, gave birth to three children and adopted a fourth, and was nominated for five Oscars (winning two). Monty's life was chaotic, too. Three Oscar nods, countless lovers, a house fire, a lawsuit, and an automobile accident that disfigured his beautiful face and left him in constant agony.

So events overtook the story of their friendship, leaving me both engaged by the book and disappointed.

 

3. What will read next? Something light.

 

More than baseball and barbecue

 

Arlington Cemetery, 1963

Remembering our heroes today.

No joy in mudville

From the NY Post

It was a scary sixth inning. The Padres Fernando Tatis was scrambling back to first base. Anthony Rizzo bent down to get the ball out of the dirt and tag him. Tatis slammed into Rizz' head with his hip. My favorite ball player stumbled a bit, dropped his glove and fell to his knees. He left the game and, as per MLB protocol, checked for a concussion. 

It must be said, though, that his tag was successful and Tatis was out. So there's that.

Yankees twitter responded fast and made me smile.

Meanwhile, on the North Side, my Cubs had a rough afternoon. They lost 8-5 to the Reds. While this doesn't delight me, it was not unexpected. My nephew and his buds were in attendance. In true Cub fan fashion, they had a great time anyway. It's impossible for anyone in my family to have a bad time at Wrigley Field.

Sunday Stealing

Stolen from Kwizgiver

1. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through? I don't have a car, so I go in. (I used the drive-through at the bank when the walk-up ATM was out of order. Fortunately I didn't have to battle any cars.)

2. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? I'm sure I have. I just don't recall anything.

3. Do you have a dog? Nope. As an adult I've never lived in a building that allowed them.

4.  Ever go camping? Not since Girl Scouts.

5. Have you met anyone famous? In the spring of 1981, on the last night of the American leg of the Hungry Heart tour, Bruce Springsteen kissed me. A group of girlfriends and I rented a car and drove to Indianapolis for the concert. When we went to the "will call" window to get our tickets, Bruce's roadies tried to pick us up by telling us which hotel the E Street Band was staying at and said they could get us into the Columbia Records after-show party. We got a room in the hotel and, after the concert, crashed the party ourselves. I did manage to get a moment alone with him. With it being early 1981, John Lennon's murder was still an open wound and Bruce said, "If it wasn't for John, we'd be somewhere different tonight, wouldn't we?" (meaning that John influenced us both). At the end of the night, which was really morning, as we guests filed out, he was like a minister at the end of a church service, thanking each of us for coming. He was very big brotherly with us "girls from Chicago," asking if we'd gotten enough to eat. I said I was disappointed -- I'd partied with a world-famous rocker and had done nothing to regret. "I'll fix that," he said and -- OH MY GOD! -- took me in his arms, bent me back, and kissed me. He smelled and tasted like beer. It was divine.

Do you think that, 42 years later, The Boss is telling people how he once kissed The Gal Herself?

6. Any plans today? On Sunday I'll be toggling back and forth between Cubs-Reds and Padres-Yankees. (Go, Cubs! Go, Yankees!)

7. Are you happy? With all that baseball on my horizon, YES!

8. Where are you right now? At my dining room table.

9. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? That the site of my tooth extraction isn't healing as fast as I want it to.

10. Last song listened to? "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me" by the Supremes and the Temptations

11. Last movie you saw? You Hurt My Feelings with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I know I'm the only person in America who doesn't think she's a national treasure, but for once I really liked her. She's an author who overhears her husband say he just doesn't like her new book, even though he's praised it to her face. Is he dishonest, or kind? Can she trust anything he says, ever again? Is he protecting her feelings or just being conflict-averse? It's an interesting premise and the dialog is very funny.

12. Are you allergic to anything? In the order of how toxic they are to me: bee sting, morphine and erythromycin. 

13. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My old, broken-in pale blue Birkenstocks.

14. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Hugh Jackman.

15. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot? Yes.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Some Gave All (1992)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

Memorial Day is the federal holiday designated to honor American service people who died in battle.

1) Here at Saturday 9, we regard everyone who served -- veterans and active military -- as heroes. Have you, or has anyone in your family, worn the uniform of our armed forces? We want to hear about them. My dad was a Navy corpsman during the Korean War. He knew how to apply/remove butterfly stitches, saving a trip or two to the ER for neighborhood kids. My favorite uncle was in the Army during Vietnam. He was exposed to Agent Orange, and it ruined his health. I am still very angry about this. Just another unjust and immoral thing about that unjust and immoral war.* My oldest nephew was a Navy damage controlman and served on The Nimitz, the second largest aircraft carrier in the world. His stint in the military was the best thing that every happened to him. He was aimless when he went in and came out with ambition, discipline and job training.

2) Memorial Day has its own flag etiquette. In the morning, the American flag should be flown at half staff in memory of those we have lost. Then, at noon, it should be raised briskly to full staff, in honor of all who have served. Where is the nearest flag flying from where you sit right now? The post office is around the corner.

3) Since 1988, motorcycle riders have participated in Rolling Thunder. In events all over the country, including Washington DC, bikers "Roll Together" to draw attention to service members still missing and raise awareness of mental health issues our veterans cope with each day. When have you most recently ridden a motorcycle? A scooter? A bicycle? It was more than a decade ago. I was in Key West for the holidays and Henry thought we should pedal on over to the botanical garden. I was wobbly at first, but the old saying is true: you truly can't forget how to ride a bike. It was a lovely day. A cherished memory.

4) This week's song is the title track of Billy Ray Cyrus' best-selling album. Named for this patriotic song, the album also included Billy Ray's signature song, "Achy Breaky Heart." "Achy Breaky Heart" is a popular choice on karaoke nights. Do you know it well enough to sing along? Yes. But don't worry, I won't.

5) Sandy Kane, the hero of "Some Gave All," is based on a real Vietnam vet Billy Ray Cyrus met and spoke to about his sacrifice for his country. Can you think of another song based on a real person? Tara Browne was a very young millionaire, an heir to the Guiness liquor fortune and friend to the Beatles. His sudden death shocked them and John sang about it in "A Day in the Life." ("He blew his mind out in a car/he didn't notice that the lights had changed ...").

6) Memorial Day is the traditional kick off of the summer season. Have you packed away your winter clothes yet? I'm going to do it this weekend. Honest.

7) As you answer these questions, is there a fan or an air conditioner cooling your room? There's a fan in the window.

8) Memorial Day is also a holiday for retailers. Ads promise great prices on everything from grills to lawn decorations to high tech gear and gadgets. Will you be shopping any sales this weekend? Nope.

9) Random question: When is the last time you felt like a kid? All summer long when I watch baseball.

*I mean it: Don't get me started. We drafted boys, exposed them to toxic exfoliants and then abandoned them decades later when their health deteriorated. Btw, it was George W. Bush's VA that epically failed my uncle when he needed them, so don't even try to tell me how the GOP loves and cares for veterans. I loved my uncle very much and I'm still so, so angry about this.

A romantic pilot and a grumpy old man

This made me smile. A pilot lives on the third floor. I only ever see him in uniform, coming home trailing his roller bag behind him. We have a superficial "Hi! How are you?" "Fine! Welcome home!" kinda relationship. Which is why today surprised and delighted me.

As I passed the laundry room on my way to the dumpster, I saw a massive, empty clothes hamper and noticed all the machines were in use. Someone was doing a shit ton of laundry. Then I went out the back door and saw who it was. 

The pilot, in casual clothes that revealed a bit of tummy that his uniform conceals, was dancing -- ballroom style -- to music only he could hear. In his arms was a woman in shorts and sandals who looked a little embarrassed when I caught her eye. As I watched them spin and sway amid the dumpsters and parked cars while they waited for their clothes, I thought it was one of the most romantic things I've seen in real life in a long time. May the lovebirds have a lovely Memorial Day weekend!

This made me sad. I met John and Gregory for lunch. It was the first time the three of us have been together in months. I was really looking forward to it because last week I was still swollen and filled to the gills with ibuprofen after having my tooth pulled. I was bored and eager to get out and have fun.

It's not that I didn't have fun. I did! But my old friend John was so ... old. Grumpy and old. Retired from advertising since 2019, he got a freelance writing job and he hates it. He doesn't like this newfangled way of working, with Zoom calls and editing Powerpoint documents from home. He wants to walk into a person's office and hash everything out.

Post-covid, those days are gone. Besides, he's a freelancer and he doesn't get to make the rules. And there's this: with ChatGPT infiltrating the workplace, freelance writing jobs are going to dry up soon. He should take the money when he can. 

When I pointed this out, he grumbled at me. He grumbled at me a lot. (I talk too fast and then, when he asks me to repeat myself, I talk too loud and it really annoys him.) A friend at the bar he frequents is annoying him, too. The guy texted him during our lunch, wanting to take John to Chinatown for lunch over Memorial Day weekend. Does he really feel like doing that? Oh, hell, maybe he doesn't. His friend can be really annoying.

John says he doesn't want to be "that guy." The old man who doesn't go anywhere. Maybe he goes out, but nothing seems to make him happy. 

Since he cut the cord and no longer gets cable, he doesn't watch the Cubs regularly. Because he needs his cane now more days than he doesn't he really can't go to Wrigley Field. He never goes to the movies anymore because it costs too much. We talked about my trip to the TCM Film Festival in Hollywood, but he's no longer going to visit his brother in Florida. First of all, because it's Florida, which seems bent on becoming the anti-gay book-banning capital of the country. I get that. But I don't believe that's why he's not going. I suspect it's his mobility and cash flow issues.

John has become "that guy." His life is a few quarts low of joy and too full of beer. 

John and I have been besties for 40 years and I love him. I'm not going anywhere. I just have to get my mind around this: one of my oldest friends is getting old. 

A new chapter is about to begin

I just read the "goodbye" email from our interim minister. She's been with us since our lead minister was canned. As a congregation we were sad and exhausted when she joined us. I haven't agreed with some of what she tried to do -- I think at times she overstepped her role as "interim" -- but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate how patient and imaginative she's been, especially at the holidays and on special occasions as we not only adjusted to life without our long-term minster, we were coming out of covid.

But we got through covid and now it's time for a new minister, and we have one! I'm very excited for his arrival in August. (Our associate minister is intentionally flying solo this summer to ease the transition from interim minister to permanent one.)

Religious leadership -- the head office 900 miles away -- feels that part of why our previous minister went awry is that he was with us too long without adequate review or supervision. So it was decided, and our elected church board enthusiastically agrees, that our new minister will be with us for "a limited duration of 4 to 7 years." His will be a developmental ministry, and he'll help us focus on achieving pre-determined our fiscal goals -- apparently we're in quite a financial pickle -- and dialing down the anxiety. The relationship between minister and staff had really broken down and our new minister has a strong track record of financial leadership and collaborative governance.

More important to me personally: He also promises to encourage our passion to become a more truly anti-oppression/anti-racist congregation. This new guy has his work cut out for him, but everyone wants him to succeed and now that we've established where we're going, it'll be easier for us to all pull this cart in the same direction. 

And when we move away from the money issues and the interoffice politics, ultimately what we want is glory to God through service to man.