I wish I had a river I could sail away on …

I discovered this Joni Mitchell holiday song last year when I bought myself James Taylor's highly listenable Christmas CD, which (Andy Williams aside) has become the soundtrack of my holidays.

"I'm so hard to handle. I'm selfish and I'm sad …" This wistful little song perfectly captures the other side of Christmas: How reflection on the past year, how all the activity and the traditions of the holidays can leave me feeling vaguely fragile and unhappy.

My uncle is dying oh-so slowly and cruelly from Parkinson's, and I'm angry (not at him, at the disease) that his condition necessarily dictates our holiday plans.

I resent the toll this -- and other Christmas complications, courtesy of the family -- takes on my mom.  

I miss my best friend.

All this leaves me feeling selfish and sad. And I wish I had a river I could sail away on …