I've been trying to remain cheerful. I have much to be thankful for: THE CUBS (!), my niece and nephew, my job, my friends … However I am confronted by a health problem and it's true -- that does cast a shadow over everything else.I am fat. I am getting fatter by the minute. I may be fatter now than I was when I began this post. And it's not fair. While I've been eating better and working out more vigorously, I'm also taking an anti-depressant. Until my results of my bloodwork come back we can't be sure, but my doctor is reasonably sure that's what's causing the problem.
So at first glance, I have my choice of being miserable or being as a big as a house. I know it's really more complicated than that, but until we get the bloodwork back, that's the information I have.
Yesterday I took a vacation day and I kind of unraveled. No Cubs baseball to bolster my spirits, I went in search of new bath towels. It was really hot yesterday and I hate hot weather. It's SEPTEMBER, for pity's sake! Why is it still so hot? I went to two stores and could not find what I wanted (pink towels with a darker accent color). I'm fat. I have a mosquito bite that is driving me crazy. My body hates me. The Brewers won. And I can't even find towels. All the stores had were solids. Pale pink. Deep pink. Bright pink. But all solids!
My best friend made the mistake of asking, "how are you?" I told him.
He started to piss me off with achingly reasonable talk of other medications and other options. BFD. The bloodwork won't be back for a week, and in the meantime there's still no baseball, it's still too hot, my arm still itches so bad I want to chew it off, I'm still fat, and I STILL CAN'T FIND NEW BATH TOWELS. (I admit this willful, encompassing anger over things I can't change just may be one of the less attractive aspects of my personality.) He wisely abandoned this topic.
Within the half hour I got an email with 11 attachments. He sent me photos from Dillard's, Pottery Barn and Bed Bath & Beyond's websites, pictures of towels that fit my description. The Dillard's towels by Tommy Hilfiger were even on sale!
Then I was happy. He knew that at that moment all I needed was to be left alone to recharge and to do something nice for myself. I may still have been fat and itchy and hot, but I was also understood. There's tremendous comfort in that.
I hope this finds you cool(er), itchless, and in a much better state of mind! It's nice when someone "gets" us, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteGreat towels, BTW!!
The joys of anti depressants...they fix one thing for the most part, but the side effects can be almost as frustrating as the depression.
ReplyDeleteOh crap, sorry I have been not reading blogs for a few days and would have responded right away to this. Sucks to feel fat, no two ways about it. Hope your med blood work gives you an answer. Hang in there, your blogging audience is here fo you.
ReplyDeleteSo this personal shopper of yours, does he do Christmas?
Except for the towel part, I could have written this post. I don't think medication is to blame (anymore, it was a major cause of the initial weight gain).
ReplyDeleteIt's been hot & humid here in the northern reaches of Maine, too. Blech.