Thursday Thirteen #154

THIRTEEN VERY BAD

BAD GUYS

The American Film Institute (AFI) is one of the best-respected not-for-profits devoted to the arts. It was founded to honor, preserve and promote movies, one of the most uniquely American art forms. Every now and again, to drum up support, they turn to the film historians and critics and put together one of their Top 100 series. I love these lists.

Today I'm throwing a klieg light on the top 13 of their 100 Villains list.


1) Hannibal Lecter. He who likes fava beans and a nice chianti. Silence of the Lambs. (Anthony Hopkins)

2) Norman Bates. The ultimate "mama's boy." Psycho. (Norman Bates)

3) Darth Vader. You know, Luke's father. Star Wars. (David Prowse and James Earl Jones)


4) The Wicked Witch of the West. "Surrender, Dorothy." The Wizard of Oz. (Margaret Hamilton)


5) Nurse Ratched. "If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way." One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Louise Fletcher)


6) Mr. Potter. The mean old man who tried to bring down the Bailey Building and Loan. It's a Wonderful Life. (Lionel Barrymore)

7) Alex Forrest. She'll boil your bunny if you don't watch out! Fatal Attraction. (Glenn Close)


8) Phyllis Dietrichson. An unhappy wife with a dangerous knowledge of how insurance policies work. Double Indemnity. (Barbara Stanwyck)


9) Pazuzu. Otherwise known as Satan. The Exorcist. (Linda Blair and Mercedes MacCambridge)


10) The Evil Queen. She who talks to mirrors and poisons apples. Snow White and the 7 Dwarves. (Lucille Laverne)


11) Michael Corleone. Well, I think Fredo had it coming. The Godfather, Part 2. (Al Pacino)

12) Alex Delarge. A music lover, a big fan of "Ludwig Van." A Clockwork Orange (Malcolm McDowell)

13) HAL 9000. A very unhelpful computer. 2001: A Space Odyssey

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

WWW Wednesday

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading? Never Let Me Go by Ishiguro. It's heartbreaking, purely heartbreaking, and very well written.

• What did you recently finish reading? My Fair Lazy by Jen Lancaster. Funny and silly. Pure fluff.

• What do you think you’ll read next? Probably Red Mist by Patricia Cornwell. She and I have a love/hate relationship. I'm so fond of Kay Scarpetta that I keep returning to the series, even though I'm invariably disappointed by her later efforts.

I liberated this from Kwizgiver. But if you want to play along yourself, you should click here.

Can't wait to play with it

I'm $1600 lighter, but immeasurably faster and more modern.

I Want Wednesday

I want my niece to always be this happy. She gets along well with her dorm roommates, has found love with a townie, and breathlessly told me today about the new culinary technique she "mastered." I know her life will have ups and downs -- as everyone's must -- but if only she could stay put in this glorious chapter of her life for as long as possible.

The Sound of Silence

No access to a computer tonight! The contents of my old Mac are being transferred to a spanking new Mac overnight. What will I do with myself? Sure, I can check my email from my phone. But Facebook and Twitter and Blogger are all so frustrating on that tiny screen.

I feel like Ma Joad.

Let's hear it for the gal!

My job is to advertise financial services. You have no idea how difficult that's been for the last four -- count 'em, four -- years. I'm working in a sector where regulations change regularly* and where public trust has declined. I've endured layoffs and reorganizations and rumors of even more layoffs and reorganizations. I don't deny it's been tough.

Which is why I want to take a moment to enjoy this ...

• My client reports that our recent direct mail effort has done better than any campaign since 2007.
• The product line I concentrate my efforts on exceeded projections, the only one at the company to do so.

I am happy. Happy, happy, happy. Happy that my efforts were successful, and that perhaps the worst of this Recession is behind us!

And grateful. Now I don't have to worry (so much) about the blade at my neck!

*I'm not saying they shouldn't, I'm just observing that the changes make my day-to-day more challenging

"That poor girl"

I feel so bad for Lisbeth Salandar, the heroine of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Yes, it's a brutal movie and an exceptionally well-crafted thriller. But I spent much of the movie thinking, "That poor girl." And not Harriet, the girl whose disappearance is the catalyst for the action. Lisbeth. The hacker, the human weapon, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I was unprepared for how much I would care for her. Especially since she so clearly wants to no sympathy or understanding.

There is a moment when she is playing chess and says, with quiet pride, "I have made a friend." I almost cried.

I'm not eager to pick up the trilogy that gave Lisbeth life. The violence is too much for me. At times I viewing this movie felt like an ordeal and I don't imagine that I'd be any more comfortable with the subject matter on the page.

But I appreciated the movie on its own terms. And I don't know if it was the screenplay, Rooney Mara's performance, or the way Daniel Craig responded to her, but the character of Lisbeth Salander touched me.

BTW, I really cannot stand Robin Wright. I don't know why. She's very pretty and is aging gracefully. There's just a soullessness about her that gets on my nerves. Even when she was Princess Buttercup. Oh well, her role in this movie isn't that big and she does no real damage. I just wonder what it is about her that annoys me so.

Happy Birthday, Your Highness

Today is the birthday of America's only king. Hope you observed it accordingly.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part One

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Song that always makes you sad? "Have I Told You Lately" was "our" song, only we didn't last.

2. Last thing you bought? A cardigan from Old Navy.

3. Last person you argued with? My friend in the Keys. We agree to disagree on Mass. Sen. Scott Brown. While we both hope Elizabeth Warren wins that seat, my friend thinks that Brown made up the stories of childhood sexual abuse he recounts in his biography to make himself more sympathetic, that it's suspicious Brown told no one about these incidents at the time. I believe Brown and know my friend is being unfair. 
 
4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on? Yes.

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid? My Lassie dog was my best friend and confidant.
 
6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD? Maybe You Should Drive.

7. Favorite day of the week? Friday.

8. Favorite sundae topping? Hot fudge.
 
9. Did you take piano lessons? No.
 
10. Most frequent song played? I completely love this song by Amy Winehouse, and was thrilled to discover her original version on her newest (and, alas, last) CD.





11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? People's Court. I watch it whenever I'm home from work on a weekday.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? No, but thank you for asking.

13. Date someone older or younger? Yes.

14. One place you could travel right now? Chateau Elan in Atlanta. I'd love to go back some day

15. Do you use umbrellas? There are people who don't?

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? "Oh, Canada, my home and native land ..." That's it.

17. Favorite cheese? Cheddar.

18. The Smith’s or The Cure? No, but thank you for asking.

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes? I like boys with dark eyes and dark hair.

20. Best job you ever had? I loved working on new product launches for a hair care company. It was fun.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Nobody Told Me

1. When you grew up were you ever told how to deal with problems? I was raised by good, 1950s-vintage WASPs. There is no problem so big or so complicated that cannot be ignored or denied.
 
2. What was your first apartment like? It was tiny, in a big, beautiful old apartment building run by a not-so-beautiful old janitor who could argue about anything. For example, my apartment had 3 rooms: kitchen, living room and ... what to call that third room? When I called him to report the roof was leaking in "the bedroom," he snapped, "You don't have a bedroom. That's the dining room." To which I responded, "It's the room with my bed in it." At first, because I was so young, his attitude upset me. After a while, I began getting perverse pleasure out of bugging him.

3. What was the first car you owned? A big, green Impala that I never could parallel park.
 
4. Tell us about a crush or relationship that you had at high school. Mr. Cary. He was quite exotic (meaning not a WASP), with a full head of curly black hair. When he'd scratch his head, his arm would disappear to the elbow. He taught English and I'm fortunate that he was the one who introduced me to Shakespeare. He was colorful and imaginative and I spent a year enthralled by him (and then-Cub Joe Pepitone). Thanks to this question I googled him and discovered he went on to successfully teach theater at a major university out east. I'm not surprised. Though it took me a moment to recognize the man in photograph (for, like Joe Pepitone, he has lost his hair).

5. Have you ever had an “enemy” in your life? Professionally, many. Currently it's the co-worker I call The Chocolate-Covered Spider. She's just always right and I'm just always wrong. I wish I didn't let her get under my skin so.

6. What were you doing the first night that you got drunk? Here's an unsavory little saga: It was the summer I was 15. I'd been sitting a lot for Margot, the baby of a neighborhood couple, Joe and Mary. They were both 22. I thought they were the coolest people on the planet. She painted in the garage, rendering the acrylic versions of the portraits that came with The Beatles' White Album. He read Ralph Bakshi comic books. They threw a big bash for Margot's first birthday and invited me. Joe introduced me to Harvey Wallbangers. After a couple hours of summer heat and vodka, I was very tipsy. OK, I was plastered. Joe walked me home and, apparently, tried to kiss me goodnight in a way that was neither neighborly nor paternal. I have no first-hand knowledge of this, as I was very drunk, but my mother had been waiting up for me. And saw. And called me in, rather emphatically, through the screened window. Once I got into the house, and the air conditioning, I got nauseous. I remember her standing over me and yelling and scolding as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the porcelain. Needless to say, my mom saw to it I never sat for Joe and Mary again. However I wonder what would have happened if she hadn't dragged me into the house. I suspect that I would have puked all over his shoes, which might have dampened his ardor even more than my mother's voice through the screen had.

7. Ten years ago, what was you job and did you like it? I had a similar role at a different agency. I made more money but worked much harder, had more stress, and while I got off on the adrenaline rush I was en route to burn out and exhaustion. To borrow from John Lennon, I had to get off the merry-go-round, "I had to let it go."

8. What movie had the biggest impact on you as a child and why? Mary Poppins, because it was the first movie I ever saw in the theater. I remember everything about it … once the coming attractions ended, the heavy red curtains closed, then reopened, and there they were, the rooftops of London! Magic! I have loved going to the movies ever since.

9. What are your plans for this weekend? I really have to take these Christmas decorations down ...

Not the reaction I thought I'd have

My mother tells me that our family patriarch is fading fast. He is frail and his memory comes and goes. She doesn't expect him to live much longer.

I don't care.

This is not the reaction I thought I would have. For he molested me when I was in high school and continued to behave inappropriately toward me all the way into my 30s, when I finally decided I would not put up with it anymore. I have not been in the same room with him since.

My relationship with him was major and has had an impact across my entire life. So when I imagined this inevitable turn of events, I always thought I'd have a bigger reaction. Relief. Or maybe a desire for reconciliation/resolution. Nope. I don't feel anything that complicated at all.

Actually, my overriding emotion is annoyance. Because when the old bastard finally does kick, I'll have to get out of town. Fast. For if I don't have an emergency, albeit quickly fabricated, trip to visit a friend who needs me, I'll either have to attend his wake and funeral (most emphatically not happening) or just stay home. And that would put me in the position of either lying about why I'm not there or explaining to relatives that he fondled and tormented me, and I don't think they want to hear that.

So I have to go out of town to visit a friend. On short notice. The one I want is the one I always turn to when times are tough -- my best friend. He has a way of making my world make sense, no matter what is going on. But he's a straight man and I don't think (OK, I know) his wife wouldn't welcome my sudden appearance on their doorstep.

I'm actually thinking of a solo escape to Vegas. It's easy to book a last-minute flight and I could play some slots in the casino and get a massage and pedi in the salon while my family is busy eulogizing and planting the old boy.

I know this is a weird post, but this is a weird situation, isn't it?

Oh well, the old turd is still breathing. So I don't have to do anything about anything right now.

Thursday Thirteen #153

THIRTEEN MARILYNS

Last week I saw My Week with Marilyn at the beautiful Tropic Cinema and thought Michelle Williams was very moving as the movie icon. But she's just one of many to take on the role of Marilyn Monroe.

1) Michelle Williams is certain to get an Oscar nomination, and perhaps an Oscar for My Week with Marilyn. (2011) How ironic that Williams will get the respect from Hollywood for playing Marilyn that the real woman longed for.

2) Ashley Judd was very good as Norma Jean in Norma Jean and Marilyn, while ...

3) Mira Sorvino played the same woman as Marilyn in 1996's Norma Jean and Marilyn. Each lady was nominated for both an Emmy and a Golden Globe for playing both periods of her life.

4) Catherine Hicks (yup, the mom from Seventh Heaven) won an Emmy nomination for doing an outstanding job in Marilyn: the Untold Story, while ....

5) Tracy Gold (yup, the sister from Growing Pains) played her as young Norma Jean in the same 1980 made-for-TV movie.

6) Poppy Montgomery of Without a Trace and now Unforgettable played Marilyn in Blonde (2001). Wish I'd seen this, for I think Montgomery is an underrated actress and I like the idea of Ann-Margret as Marilyn's grandma.

7) Charlotte Sullivan played Marilyn-as-mistress in three episodes of The Kennedys (2011) mini-series.

8) Sarah Lafleur played the same unsympathetic role in 2001's Jackie, Ethel and Joan.

9) Sophie Monk was Marilyn in The Mystery of Natalie Wood, a 2004 biopic about Ms. Wood's death.

10) Marika Taylor plays Marilyn in a docudrama called The Death of Marilyn Monroe (2002).

11) Holly Beavon had a small role as Marilyn in a 2001 James Dean biopic.

12) Barbara Niven played a sad Marilyn in the 1998 Rat Pack made-for-TV movie.

13) Heather Thomas of The Fall Guy played Marilyn in Hoover vs. The Kennedys (1987).

As with Jackie Kennedy in last week's TT, I find no actress as compelling playing Marilyn as the real Marilyn. The Prince and the Showgirl was kind of a suck movie, but Marilyn was luminescent, even in that ...

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

The New Year's Movie Meme

I looooove reading about old movies, and was happy to find this blog, The Girl with the White Parasol. I am also happy to find a good meme to steal. If you play along, let me (and The Girl) know.

1. What is your all-time favorite Grace Kelly costume? The elegant LBD she wears to the cast party at the very end of The Country Girl. She finally gets to go all glam after wearing those off-the-rack outfits.

2. What classic film would you nominate for a remake? The Americanization of Emily (1964). The way the Iraq war was marketed to us with embedded reporters (remember poor David Bloom of NBC?) makes me think this is a story that could powerfully be retold for modern times.
 
3. Name your favorite femme fatale. Martha in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf (1966). Though if she were here, I'm not sure she'd accept the title, saying, "I'm loud and I'm vulgar, and I wear the pants in the house because somebody's got to, but I am not a monster."

4. Name the best movie with the word "heaven" in its title. Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison (1957). Deborah Kerr is great as a nun who tries to reform and comfort soldier Robert Mitchum.

5. Describe the worst performance by a child actor that you’ve ever seen (since Laura gave me the idea). Cammie King as Bonnie Blue Butler in GWTW. Didn't even have to give this one a moment's thought.

6. Who gets your vote for most tragic movie monster? Frankenstein.

7. What is the one Western that you would recommend to anybody? Shenandoah (1965). Jimmy Stewart is a patriarch trying to keep his family out of the Civil War. The movie is kinda soapy, but Stewart is sublime.

8. Who is your ideal movie-viewing partner? For old movies? My mom.

9. Has a film ever made you want to change your life? If so, what was the film? It's from the 1970s, so I don't know if it qualifies chronologically as classic, but The Way We Were. I often (still) find myself tamping down the truest part of my personality to fit in, and I (still) always hate myself for doing it. I believe this is the 21st time I've mentioned that movie in this blog ...
 
10. Think of one performer that you truly love. Now think of one scene/movie/performance of theirs that is too uncomfortable for you to watch. Judy Garland. Love Finds Andy Hardy (1938). I hate how she's the talented ("I sing, you know") but plain girl in contrast to Ann Rutherford and especially Lana Turner, because I have read how much those comparisons hurt her in real life.

11. On the flip side, think of one really good scene/performance/movie from a performer that you truly loathe. June Allyson in Little Women. I know, I know! She's not even really very good in that.
 
12. And finally, since it will be New Year's soon, do you have any movie or blogging-related resolutions for 2012? Nope. Sorry. Here I've just met The Girl with the White Parasol and I feel I've let her down.

I Want Wednesday

I want those Christmas decorations to magically take themselves down. I managed to un-holiday my office last night before I went home, but my home is still all covered in cards and evergreens. And then there's taking down the tree and putting the ornaments away! Ugh!

The beacon

I stayed at The Lighthouse Court Hotel, so called because it's right in the backyard of the Key West Lighthouse. Built in the mid-1800s, the lighthouse is more than 85 feet tall ... and we climbed all the way up and all the way down.


Even though I'm a big fat moo-cow, I'm still in pretty decent shape. At least compared to the other tourists who were sweaty and breathless when they reached the top. I guess hurrying up the train platform every day, twice a day, is good for me. And it turns out going down was more difficult than climbing up. Those narrow, circular steps were a little dizzying.

I loved the romance of the old lighthouse. The views on the way up were pretty, too. I enjoyed looking down at my hotel. We had a wonderful time.

Welcoming 2012 in Key West

 The weather down there was ideal. Simply terrific. Warm but not hot. Sunny but not blinding. I couldn't have been happier with the send off Mother Nature gave 2011 down in Key West.

I spent more time in the water this time than I have in years gone by. As you can see, my pedi met the Atlantic Ocean, and liked it a lot. I also swam in the charming little pool at my hotel. And at midnight, we returned to the pool and dangled my little pink toes off the deep end.

More about my vacation to come. Happy New Year, Blogosphere.

How I didn't welcome the New Year

New Year's Eve is a very big deal in Key West. Not only is there a giant shell that falls at midnight at Sloppy Joe's, one of Hemingway's favorite haunts, there's Sushi, who climbs into this stiletto and is dropped onto Duval Street as the new year begins.

I've been in this crush of people at least three times ... once at Sloppy Joe's and two times (or more) watching Sushi. And it's fun. But I'd rather not do it again. (I took the photo above myself, early on New Year's Eve. To see Sushi in action, watch the clip below.)

Notes from the road

It's pre-dawn in Key West. I'm taking this quiet opportunity to update this here ol' blog.

If you're flying down here, I recommend US Airways because you'll change planes in Charlotte. It's soooo much easier than Tampa and (UGH!!!!) Miami. I don't fly well at all, and knowing that making my connection will be convenient and uncomplicated really improves the quality of my whole trip.

This island is known for it's seafood and so far I've had a grilled salmon BTL (yummy!) and a lobster BLT. But my best meal, by far, was the banana chicken at 7 Fish. Really. I loooved it. If it was a man I woulda married it.

I am very happy to be with my friends here. It's been low-key, relaxed. They have had money/health problems in 2011, too, and so it's especially nice that we can be together, all on the mend. Knowing this may be my last holiday down here, as my friend may have to leave for a new job, makes it a little poignant.

I don't even mind be awakened by a rooster every morning.

More musings next year ...

Thursday Thirteen #152

THIRTEEN JACKIES

I'm watching a perfectly dreadful made-for-TV movie about JBKO starring Tim Matheson as "Jack" and Joanne Whalley as "Jackie." It's historically inaccurate and dull, and yet I can't look away. There's just too much inherent glamor and drama in her story. Here are thirteen actresses who took a crack at the part:

1) Joanne Whalley as Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. (2000) "She was the 20th century's First Lady. Now see her for the woman she really was."

2) Katie Holmes in The Kennedys.  (2011) High production values and great hair wardrobe

3) Roma Downey in A Woman Named Jackie (1991) A very pretty, very delicate, Irish-born Jackie.

4) Sarah Michelle Geller in A Woman Named Jackie (1991). Yes, Buffy played her as a teenager.

5) Jaclyn Smith in Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy (1981). Jackie as Jackie! Unfortunately Ms. Smith seems more like she's modeling iconic outfits than giving a performance.

6) Blair Brown in Kennedy (1983). Haven't seen this in a while, but I recall her as doing a good job in a supporting role.

7) Jodie Farber in JFK (1991). Mostly re-enacted those horrible moments of the motorcade.

8) Jill Hennessey in Jackie, Ethel and Joan: The Women of Camelot. She's OK, but it's a drippy adaptation of a crappy book. Great hair and clothes, though.

9) Jeannne Triplehorn in Grey Gardens. (2009) She was only in a couple scenes, but I thought she did a good job.

10) Jacqueline Bisset in America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story. (2003) Another Jackie-as-Jackie. This time, Jackie is a formidable matriarch.

11) Stephanie Romanov in Thirteen Days. (2000) I enjoyed this movie a lot, but I really don't remember her in it at all.

12) Juanin Clay in Robert F. Kennedy and His Times  (1985). A small part in a good mini-series about Bobby

13) Francesa Annis in Onassis: The Richest Man in the World. (1988) Jackie as American Ice Queen, in contrast to the passionate Maria Callas.


It occurs to me that no one has done a good job at capturing "Jackie Kennedy." Maybe because, as Jane Murphy wrote in The Huffington Post, the one who played her best was Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Intelligent, elegant and remote ... as I watch this clip I have no doubt that she is working very hard to 1) be a good reflection on her husband and 2) create an image that was as so charismatic and impenetrable that we wouldn't see the real woman, no matter how closely we look.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen, 

or to play yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want packing to be easier than it is. I'm so bad at it. I always bring too much of the wrong stuff, and end up buying stuff when I get where I'm going.

Here's hoping I'm wrong about old Archie

OK, so maybe he's so politically naive/racially motivated that he believes Barack Obama was afraid to face Herman Cain in November because it would stop the Prez from "playing the race card."

And so what if he actually hopes the Supreme Court repeals the ban on DADT?

And yes, he picks fights with strangers at the Century City Mall because the people who work in the kiosks "harass women." And when he's not watching FOX News he's listening to Tammy Bruce.


My oldest friend is completely twitterpated by him.  She's seeing him again today. I hope it goes well because she's a woman who really does define herself by men.

For a year I have been trying to convince her to join a church or volunteer at the nearby family counseling center because she so desperately needs friends. Instead, she signed up for an online dating service. Now that she's met Archie, she actually volunteered at that very counseling center because, well, he does volunteer work. (She met her ex-husband at karate class, even though she hates being physically active ... I sense a pattern.)

He also works at a docent at a nearby museum. A museum she's never set foot in ... but you can bet she will now.

When I went out to visit her last year, the only dinner we had that wasn't Domino's or Subway was from In and Out Burger, and that's because I insisted. Yes, she lives in Beverly Hills and never eats out. But with him she will.

She's been there a year, and yet the only tourist-y thing she's done (and she's done it twice now because it's all she knows), is the Dearly Departed Tour that I took her on when I visited her last year. Now, perhaps, she'll take advantage of all Southern California has to offer. She complains about the traffic and the pace and the parking, but she's never been to a play, a concert, a TV-show taping or even the ocean. Even though all this is in her own, glamorous backyard. Maybe she will finally do that with Archie.

It worries me that his temper is so close to the surface. That he concentrates so much of his energy on hating on "them" (OWS, "the coddled/entitled generation", Barack Obama, gays in the military, and -- my favorite -- haters) because my oldest friend has one of the most coddled/entitled kids ever (think Mildred Pierce if Veda was a boy) and because she hates arguments and raised voices.

But look at Archie and Edith. Weren't they happy together? Maybe life will imitate art. As different as we are, I truly do love her and hope Archie brings her some contentment and companionship.

Loved this!

VisualDNA™ Personality Quiz

personality.visualdna.com

I'm a Harmonizer. It was fun and, I think, fairly accurate. While I answered all the aspirational/goal questions with exercise/fitness, I was happy to see how many decluttering responses there were. Makes me feel less freakish. (And less like a hoarder!)


Thanks to Snarkela for turning me on to it.

I feel silly

I have been exercising in front of the TV, during commercials. I feel quite silly doing this. But I am a big fat moo-cow and so it must be done.

I did not go through all I went through, healthwise, in order to throw it all away on sloth and obesity. I am going to get fit because healthy makes sense. My best friend is a diabetic, both my oldest friend and my friend John have heart problems. I am not going to join them.

So in addition to my half-hearted dedicated to going to the gym -- which I must fortify -- and eating better (and less), I am going to work on my metabolism by moving, moving, moving, whenever possible.


Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Clean, clean, clean

Yesterday I scrubbed my tub, toilet and bathroom floor. Today my kitchen counters, sink and floor got the treatment. Do I hear an Atta, Gal?

I'm glad I'm doing this because I always hate coming home from a stay at a hotel and feeling like the woman that runs this establishment is a slob. Perhaps I have hit upon a way to solve this problem.

A fragrant way to start the day

For a couple years running, The Body Shop's fragrance of the holiday season was vanilla spice. It was a warm, delicious scent. I stocked up on it and hoarded some in the back of my linen closet ... and forgot about it until this morning.

I started the day by soaking in my old friend. Ah ... Lovely!

Well, that was weird

My older sister was home for Christmas for the first time in, like, 30 years. My mom was nervous as a school girl preparing for a date. (I wasn't allowed to have my purse with me in the living room because it's so big it would distract from the holiday decorations -- I'm not kidding.) My favorite niece and nephew were weird, too. My niece, because she's in love and would have preferred to be with her fella than with us. My nephew is at a strange age -- he no longer believes in Santa, he's not so much into toys, but he still wants the gifts. With the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he's a different kid from the one whose company I usually enjoy so. My kid sister was all stressed out because ... I don't know why, exactly.

My older sister, her daughter and husband went to church with me, and that was a distraction, too. I'm not Lutheran anymore -- I worship in a Unitarian Universalist Church because it's more inclusive. So when she said she wanted to join me instead of going to local church we went to as children because, "Mom tells me they have a fat, gay pastor now," I bristled. I warned her that one of our ministers is a lesbian and mine is a gay-friendly congregation. I didn't tell her how I felt about homophobia on Christmas Eve because I was trying to make nice. But it did disturb me. As does my mother's apparent, incipient bigotry. It's ugly and not appropriate any time, but especially not on the Lord's birthday. I let it distract me from the beauty of the Christmas Eve service, of singing "Silent Night" by candlelight. After the service, I showed them my beautiful little tree. They seemed unimpressed.

We did laugh a lot, though. We played Apples to Apples and posed for silly photos. I will use them to make Mother's Day presents for my mom.

Oh, and my oldest friend ... I have been with her when she checked/responded to text messages in front of me, took cell phone calls in front of me. I texted her twice yesterday and still have received no response. That bugs and hurts me. I'm worth interrupting, but not interrupting for? It would have been nice to have heard from her yesterday -- from someone I have a long history with, who says she loves me, but that wasn't in the cards. She was too busy, I guess. I know I should be glad that this Christmas with her beloved cousin Sharon will be all she wants. But I'm still pissed/hurt.

Perhaps that's part of why I feel so unsettled today. There was so much new and unusual going on yesterday, so much tension, that I didn't feel any of the love I sent out coming back to me. The best part of the night was a present from my mom -- on behalf of my uncle. He had a big, thick book of video reviews (ca 1999) that he annotated in his own hand. We'd spoken about many of these movies often, especially silly, campy ones like The Terror of Tiny Town.

I miss him. He would have understood why yesterday felt so weird.

And I'm looking forward to the Keys and my friends down there (gay though they may be). I feel a terrific longing to be understood right now.

My best friend often says that we all expect too much from Christmas, that we put unreasonable expectations on the day. I miss him, too.

Merry Christmas

And a big thank you to "my girls," the ones who sent so much support my way this year. If I'm able to keep the candle of Christmas burning in my heart all year around, it's in part because you ladies had my back when I needed it most:
Book Mama
Kwizgiver
Silver Neurotic
Vivian
Endomental
Kaye
Stacybuckeye
Mimi
SNARKYPANTS


Snarkela, I'm sorry. I didn't forget you. I deleted you. (That doesn't sound any better, does it.) I could not get the spacing between the prose and the links right, and in my constant fiddling with it, you disappeared. I am so sorry.

The wrapping is done

And my cat Joey approves!

It took me a little over two hours to wrap all these gifts. I did it in front of the tree while watching The Gathering, a great old Christmas movie. It was so much fun to imagine the faces tomorrow when the paper comes off.

I tossed in the long black scarf I got from my best friend because I wanted to remember it as Christmas 2011. You can't tell, but it's all ruffly.

I'm so glad I put the tree up.

Glam

My friend John and I went to see La Cage aux Folles Wednesday night. It wasn't a great production -- the actor who played the bitchy maid/butler chewed the scenery so radically it threw the balance off -- but it was fun. Mostly because we got to see George Hamilton as Georges.

He can't really sing. He can't really dance. He's too old for the role. And yet, it was fun. Just to see him. He's completely charming.

For my friend John and I grew up on him. He was on all the game shows and talk shows when we were kids. And I remember being a little girl, reading about his White House romance with Lynda Bird Johnson.

The only downside of the evening was John's health. He's still not well. I'm in shitty shape and, while a little winded when we got to our seats in the loge, I was fine. As were all the people around us. He was exhausted. On the way down, which you'd think would be so much easier, his foot bothered him again. It was sobering. He acknowledged the problem, saying, "This is something I need to mention to my doctor." Indeed! After all, George Hamilton is a good 15 years older than we are, and he was singing and dancing!

Christmas Meme

Liberated from Kwizgiver (again ... of course)

1.The Christmas song I can listen to even in June is...



2.Hot Chocolate, Egg Nog or Mulled wine? hot chocolate

3.When do you put your decorations up? Thanksgiving weekend

4 What are you having for Christmas dinner? I don't know. My two sisters are (literally and figuratively) cooking something up

5.What is your favorite Christmas tradition? The Candlelight Service at church. It begins at 11:00 on Christmas Eve and ends at midnight,with all of us holding candles and singing,"Silent Night."

6. Have you ever gone Carol singing? Nope

7. When did you learn the truth about Santa? My parents sat my older sister and I down on the floor of my bedroom one Christmas Eve, read us the "Yes, Virginia" poem and told us. It's nice to think of my folks doing some parenting together. My older sister cried and cried but I kinda knew already.

8. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? In a way that's officially CAT-APPROVED.

9. What's the best thing about Christmas? Watching people unwrap my gifts!

10. All I want for Christmas is... Serenity for those I love best

Thursday Thirteen #151

THIRTEEN POPULAR TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS 2011

These are among the top picks for kids, according to the gift gurus at Gifts.com. I like thinking of all the happy faces when it's discovered Santa left these under trees all around the country ...

1) Disney Tigger  (Eco Plush). The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things -- and this one is made with recycled fibers and eco-friendly dyes.


2) Fisher Price Topzy Tumblers. It's bright and sturdy and it makes a bit of noise and, oh, hell, I don't know how to describe this. If you have a baby in your life and want to learn more about it, click on the link.


3) Go, Car, Go! A little Euro-styled coupe (in red, green or blue) with a curved roof that doubles as a handle. So kids can grab it, push, it roll it, etc. Even better, it has googly eyes that make it look really friendly.

4) Fisher-Price Rockstar Mickey Mouse. How cute is this! Mickey rocks out with a six-string guitar. His head bobs and he does the splits.


5) Paint a Wooden People Family. Plain wooden dolls come with paint and colored pencils and felt and glue so kids can make their own unique doll family.


6) My Keepon Interactive Robot. This little yellow bird dances to music and responds to touch. (I want one.)

7) LEGO Ninjago Fire Temple. "Battle for control of the four Spinjitzu weapons has begun. Sensei Wu, Kai, Zane and Nya need help to keep Lord Garmadon and his evil skeleton army from taking the ultimate Spinjitzu weapon - the Dragon Sword of Fire." I have no idea what any of that means. But then, I'm not a 10-year-old boy.

8) Barbie "I Can Be an Architect." I'm old school. I like Barbie at Christmas. And this Barbie comes with a hard hat and a blueprint tube and a little model house.


9) Spynet Stealth Video Glasses. High-tech glasses with a video camera on the bridge of the nose. So you can record people without their knowing it. (Tee hee.)


10) Inflatable Flying Shark. With a remote control! So you can make your shark do your bidding from up to 40 feet away!

11) Orbeez Perfume Magic. A kit to help you make your own perfume.


12) NERF Vortex Nitron. A kind of a friendly assault weapon.

13) Buckycubes. 125 little cubes made of really powerful magnets so you can build any cool design you want.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen, 

or to play yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want a little more Christmas spirit! To that end, I bought another book for the shelter for abused/homeless children. Today's is Awkward Aardvark. Look at that big, round aardvark butt. How can it not bring a smile to your face? According to Amazon: "Aardvark's snoring keeps the other animals awake night after night. Something has got to be done! Mongoose calls on the others for help, but it is not until the termites get involved that the problem is solved. This is the story of how Awkward Aardvark came to sleep during the day and eat termites at night."

Everything still feels a little low energy, though. No one around me feels into it yet. I passed out my gifties to my coworkers today and got hugs and kisses, but eh. Maybe tomorrow everyone will be more in the swing of things!

Boone, IA! Who knew?

I got my oldest friend's daughter a gift subscription to Glamour, and they screwed it up. Oh, well. Shit happens. So I'm sending them a copy of my canceled check along with a strongly worded request that they get their glamorous act together. Where did I send this letter?

Boone, IA! Who knew that was the Glamour capital of the nation?

Well, why shouldn't it be? After all, it is the county seat of DesMoines Township. According to the 2010 census, Boone boasted 12,660 people. Though none is Cheryl Tiegs. While a fresh-faced Glamour covergirl more than 40 years ago, there was no residency requirement.

The BEST way to start the day

Normally, waking up like this would leave me grumpy. After all, I crashed on the sofa (which always annoys me) and was awakened by how freaking HOT it is in here.*

But  instead I'm way happy. Why? Because my cat Charlotte gave me a huge yawn, opening her mouth as wide as the old MGM lion. This allowed me an unobstructed view of her tongue and THE LUMP IS COMPLETELY GONE! The vet was right! My little girl is fine!

I'm so relieved.

*It's December and I have the window open and the fan going. One of the joys of living on the top floor in winter, as heat rises.

North Korea confuses me

I believe the sorrow I see following Jong-il's passing is sincere. I just don't get it.

Were these people so oppressed that they don't even know it? Maybe they don't realize that they don't have things the rest of the world takes for granted, like food and electricity.

While Jong-il concentrated so on military and nuclear development, his people suffered because of the rest of the world's sanctions. Food and materials never made it to the North Korean people, so new construction of houses, roads, power grids ... ANYTHING ... has slowed mightily, down to virtually nothing in some areas.

Is it possible I know more about North Korea's role in the world than North Koreans do?

Thank God for our free press.