Bad, but good, too

It's been a frustrating day! No word yet on my CA-125 test. Damn. Guess I have to start nagging at the doctor's office tomorrow. (Though, to be fair, my doctor did say, "Thursday afternoon or Friday morning.")

So while I am slowly making myself nuts worrying, I am also enormously, fabulously comforted by those who let me know they care. They are what makes it possible to get through the day without screaming. The day started with my oldest friend sending me a cartoon to make me laugh. Then, throughout the day, my best friend, my friends Barb and Kathleen, a coworker, even my crazy older sister (!) asked for updates.

And all you blogging buddies have been supportive, too. I may not be especially graceful in accepting all the good vibes that you are sending my way, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate them. THANK YOU.

Image: kenfotos / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Thursday Thirteen #136

THIRTEEN POPULAR MOVIES BASED ON BOOKS

In honor of The Help, which moved from the page to the silver screen today, I'm listing the 13 most successful movies adapted from books.

1. Gone with the Wind. 1939. (When adjusted for inflation, it's still the top-grossing movie of all time.)

2. The Ten Commandments. 1956.

3. Jaws. 1975.

4. Doctor Zhivago. 1965.

5. The Exorcist. 1973.

6. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. 1937.

7. Jurassic Park. 1993.

8. The Graduate. 1967.

9. The Godfather. 1972.

10. Mary Poppins. 1964.

11. Thunderball. 1965.

12. The Jungle Book. 1967

13. Sleeping Beauty. 1959.

To learn more about the Thursday Thirteen,
or to play along yourself, click here.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 10

A statue dedicated to Ron Santo. I grew up on Ronnie. He was the Cubs' third basemen throughout my girlhood and then became the endearingly unpolished voice of the team on WGN radio. He has made a number of appearances on this blog because it's felt like he's always been a part of my life.

I was very sad when he lost his twin battles with diabetes and cancer last autumn, but today I'm happy because the Cubs unveiled a statue of him in front of the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field, and because fans turned out in great numbers to applaud it's dedication. Baseball great, philanthropist and broadcaster, our "Perfect 10" deserves no less.

Even better, the CUBS WON TONIGHT!

Well done, good and faithful servant

This is the Chaplain's Medal for Heroism, introduced during WWII to honor men of the cloth who performed with great courage on the battlefield. I am bestowing it posthumously on my uncle's cat, Bennie, who died yesterday.

I mean no disrespect by this post. Quite the opposite. For my uncle loved Bennie enormously and she was the one bright spot toward the end of his life. He suffered from Parkinson's Disease, no doubt exacerbated by his exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam, so I consider him a war casualty, even if the government doesn't.

And Bennie, ballsy Bennie who feared nothing, stayed by his side no matter what. He briefly had a puppy, but that little guy was frightened by his twitches and spasms and had to go live with his stepdaughter. How that hurt and embarrassed my uncle! But Bennie had the bearing that comes from knowing her feline ancestors were worshipped as Egyptian gods, so she consistently responded to my uncle with nothing but a loud and accepting purr, no matter what torments his body was putting him through.

She was nearly 20 years old and in poor health. While my mother and nephew really loved having her around at my mother's house, where she has lived since December, I think it would be selfish to expect her to stick around for them. She served our family enough, her work here was done, and it was time for to rest for all eternity with my uncle.

I Want Wednesday

I want this to be behind me. As I write this, I am confirming my appointment with an oncologist. Yes, I saw my gynecologist and he referred me to an oncologist who will see me at 1:30 on August 18. This morning my doctor authorized a CA-125 blood test and he promises to let me know the results tomorrow ... Friday morning at the latest.

Right now, my doctor believes my stapler-cyst is more likely than not benign, but the CA-125 test will give us more (though still not definite) insights. And the cyst itself will have to be surgically removed in tact by my gynecologist and then biopsied, hence the oncologist.

The speed at which this sucker has grown is problematic and worrisome. It is mostly fluid and has not leaked into my uterus or anywhere else, which means even if it is the worst, it's contained.

So, I guess, I have to wait another week or two to put this behind me. I am not happy. But my gynecologist held my hand and hugged me a lot and told me this is not the worst he has ever seen and I should try not to wig out.

Yeah, right.

10 belts

That's what I'm starting my newest Goodwill bag with this evening. Oh, I am still working on losing weight and have faith that I will succeed. But even if I lost 75 lbs., I wouldn't need upwards of 15 belts! So I shall bid these adieu. I'll toss in that purse mirror to keep them company, too.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 9

Leo is coming home! This Chicago Tribune article helped Sgt. Tim Johannsen's wife raise the $800 required to bring Leonidas the Dog home from Afghanistan ... and then some! Last time I checked, they were closer to $8,000! The money not used to transport Leo will be donated to The Puppy Rescue Mission to help keep more soldiers and their pets together.

The Afghanistan war has gone on too long and has caused too much suffering. Learning of little Leo right after hearing about the Navy Seals who died in that helicopter crash raised my spirits some. I'm proud and grateful that our troops can still find some humanity and grace in their hearts. And I am so proud and happy I was able to play a small part in rescuing the dog who seeks shelter and comfort with the Sergeant as mortars fall.

He never called back

My gynecologist. His nurse did call me this morning -- both at home and at work -- to tell me he wants to see me right away. Really? Well, I want to see him, too! That's why I have left three messages since over the last week and a half. Yes, I know he was on vacation. Yes, I know today was his first day back. But I wanted to make sure I'm a priority.

So I have an appointment to see him tomorrow at 9:30. Hurray! But for what? A CA-125 blood test? A consultation and discussion of next steps? A referral for an MRI to keep that ultrasound company? How much time should I take off work on Wednesday? Should I fast? I asked the nurse to have him call me back.

She said she doubted he'd be able to, but she'd give him the message. He never called me back. I hope she didn't give him the message.

I have been waiting to talk to him since July 29, when my GP explained the ultrasound results, introduced my stapler-sized cyst to me and referred me to my gynecologist. That's 11 days that this thing has been hanging over my head. Eleven days!

Over this time I have talked myself into -- and out of -- a cancer diagnosis. Today the sweat pants I ordered arrived, as a hysterectomy is likely. I saw Sir Paul twice and returned to work in that time. It's felt like a lifetime.

And now I have to wait one more fucking night.

I like my gynecologist. I like how conservative he is in his treatment and how much time he spends with me, one-on-one, when I'm in his office. But I don't like the way his office runs when he's out of town, and I don't like how his nurses behave like Cerberus as they "protect" him from patients like me.

I want this to be over. I have never been one for sitting patiently by the phone, waiting for a man to call!

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 8

I saw this story on page one and was so moved. My happiness comes from knowing that I made one of the contributions that makes it possible for Leo to come to Chicagoland.

Man’s best friend, even while deployed in Afghanistan

There’s a lot to his deployment in Afghanistan that Sgt. Tim Johannsen can’t discuss.

When he speaks to his stateside wife things like where he’s stationed, his missions, and what the 23-year-old Army tanker is doing in a mountainous region where tanks can’t even travel are taboo.

But security doesn’t prevent Johannsen from talking about is his adopted dog – a loyal mutt named Leonidas, who whines outside his bunk while he’s on mission and shelters with him as mortars fall.

The dog brings a touch of normalcy to an otherwise straining environment, Johannsen said in a phone interview from Afghanistan.

“You’ll come back and you’re walking up to the chow hall and he comes over eyes-big, happy-as-all-get-out to see you,” Johannsen said, referring to the pup he named for the fabled Spartan King. “You forget about the stuff that’s going on over here.”

When his tour ends in 2012, Johannsen wants to bring Leonidas (Leo for short) home to his wife Kaydee in Downers Grove.

That commitment to an animal is increasingly common, said Anna Maria Cannan, of the non-profit Puppy Rescue Mission, a Colorado-based group raising money to transport soldiers’ dogs from Afghanistan.

She says word-of-mouth among soldiers who’ve adopted pets has spread interest in her organization. So far, about 130 adopted dogs have been brought stateside, she said.

“Soldiers from all across the U.S. are finding these lovely companions they don’t want to leave behind,” Cannan said. “To leave them there, left to die is hard on soldiers.”

Technically, adopting pets is on a long list of forbidden activities under General Order No. 1, said a spokesman for U.S. Central Command in Tampa.

“These dogs are extremely therapeutic” for soldiers “readjusting to normal life,” said Cannan, who started the program after her husband brought a dog home from deployment. “If the military would just allow these dogs to come home I believe the (post-traumatic stress) rate would be lower.”

Those rules leave troops on their own if they want to bring home an animal. It’s a long journey, Cannan said. The dog must be transported by a courier from a soldiers’ outpost to a shelter in a departure city, where they are vaccinated and quarantined for a few weeks to ensure they don’t harbor diseases. It can take weeks to secure a flight because the non-profit is limited to shipping up to four dogs a week – with a current backlog of 20 dogs waiting to travel home, she said.

There are fundraising hurdles, too. The Puppy Rescue Mission pays $3,500 kenneling, vaccination and flight, Cannan said. But soldiers must raise money to pay local couriers – many of whom are forced to drive the dogs hundreds of miles through IED laden territory. This can cost as much as $800, she said.

A few months into his deployment, Johannsen saw a group of dogs ganging up on a puppy that wandered into camp looking for food. “Average hoodlums,” he said, describing the pack. After peeling off the dogs, he fed and flea bathed the puppy he now calls Leo.

Having a dog helps “escape the reality of being deployed, being away from family and friends,” Johannsen said. “You’re stuck with the same guys all the time. It’s like being in fraternity or a club. You have a dog and it breaks up the monotony.”

The pup has gradually been accepted by the other dogs at the compound, though it took a while. He’s also developed a taste for pork chops and ribs, Johannsen said.

“He’s like me,” Johannsen said. “No matter who attacks him, he will stand his ground. He won’t give up.”

Johannsen is working with the Puppy Rescue Network to pay for Leonidas’ trip home. But he still has to find and pay a courier. To raise that money he and his wife Kaydee set up a website. (http://bringleohome.webs.com/leosstory.htm)

“I have to find a way to get him to Kabul without locals or the Taliban finding out,” Johannsen said. “I know I can give him a better home back there than he can ever get here.”

For him, it’s all about an old battlefield truism: “Leave no man behind.”

For more information:

http://bringleohome.webs.com/leosstory.htm

thepuppyrescuemission.org

bslodysko@tribune.com

My new purchase

I got these resistance cords at the Border's going-out-of-business sale. I think it will give me a safe way to safe to exercise as I recover from my surgery.

My gynecologist is back in the office tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I will get some answers about what happens next.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 7

Peapod grocery bags. They are larger and sturdier than other plastic shopping bags. I am drowning in them these days, so I have been putting them to good use. Friday I took a lot of them with me to the annual library book fair, to be used by book lovers unprepared for their haul. Then today I filled one up with crap from my bedroom floor. It's good to get rid of some of that junk, and vacuum thoroughly the carpet that had been obscured by it. Now I'm eager to fill another Peapod bag with junk!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Nasty 31 Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. What has been you longest love relationship? The one in my 20s. What a waste of time he was! Most of the men I have known have been good guys. Why did I waste the most time with the only stinker in the lot?

2. What was the last gift that you received? One of my coworkers made sure there was a flower in my vase when I returned the office on Wednesday. It made me happy.

3. What do you spend your extra cash on? Books and purses. Purses and books. My weaknesses.

4. If you could live anywhere would you live? I'd love to live down town in a building with a doorman and a view of the Lake.

5. Who's your cell provider? Credo Mobile. I love them. It you're thinking of switching companies, check them out.

6. What's your favorite mall store? Carson's (or Bergner's, or Bon-Ton, depending on where you live)

7. What's the longest job that you've had? (No parenting does not count!) I've been a writer for -- wait for it -- 30 years now. At 6 years, job I'm at now is my longest stop along the way.

8. If you won the lottery, who'd you call first? My mom, to tell her she doesn't have to worry any more.

9. If you won, how would you spend your money after investments? I want to redo my apartment! I have such big dreams for my bathroom, kitchen and dining room. (I'd love exposed brick in the dining room.) While I can't have any more pets myself, I'd like to "foster" a lot more. I'm currently "foster mom" to a cat at The Tree House. And I'd help my niece with her college tuition.

10. When was the last time you went to church (or a religious house)? I haven't been to service in a few months. But it's right around the corner and I know it's there when the time is right.

11. What's the biggest lie that you've heard? You won't believe this. I know I didn't. My oldest friend actually believed the whopper that a woman she knew through a Fanilow fanclub site was Barry Manilow's secret wife. These 50 year old women all deluding themselves into thinking they had a little "glamour" in their midst, it was kind of desperate and sad.

12. When you go out with your friends, where do you go? There are a couple bars that we frequent.

13. When was the last time that you cried? I'm not much of a crier.

14. What food do you hate? Tomatoes.

15. What do you like best about yourself? I'm very loyal.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 6

Believe it or not, LAUNDRY. I wore one of my favorite t-shirts to see Sir Paul on Monday night. It bears the logo: Star Club: Hamburg. The Star Club was a dive bar where the Lads played in 1962. The likelihood of my finding another such shirt is slim, which is why it broke my heart when an angry McCartney fan bumped into me and spilled a margarita on it. I admit the dampness kept me a little cool on the very hot night, but I worried so about that green stain smack dab between my boobs. Well, glory be, it came out in the wash!

My secret: clarifying shampoo. If you get a protein based stain on cotton, pre-treat it with clarifying shampoo (aka swimmer's shampoo). Clarifying shampoo is formulated with chelating agents to life chlorine and minerals off hair, and those same agents also work on food stains.

They say it's your birthday ...

Lucille Ball: Celebrating 100 Years of the 'I Love Lucy' Star

Getty

The Hollywood Museum marks the occasion with a special exhibit running through Nov. 30. The actress' centennial is also being commemorated on TV: Hallmark will broadcast 102 I Love Lucy episodes, ME-TV will air 100 episodes of various programs including The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour and The Lucy Show, and TCM will show 14 of her films beginning on Saturday.

Ball died in April 1989. She was 77.

Here are 5 facts about her most successful series, I Love Lucy, which debuted on CBS in 1951:

1. Everything on I Love Lucy was scripted.
Despite what seemed like ad-libbing, Ball made sure each moment of the show was rehearsed and perfected. Ball said on the commentary of the 1991 Criterion laserdisc Criterion Television Classics: I Love Lucy, "Because Viv [Vivian Vance] and I believed, and because we knew what we were going to say and because we were thinking, we were listening to each other, and then reacting and then acting, it came out like may we'd made it up. We never ad-libbed. We never ad-libbed on the set when we were putting it together. It was there."

2. Ball credited writers Madelyn Pugh Davis and Bob Carroll Jr. for the success of the show.
Ball said (via Criterion Television Classics: I Love Lucy), "Many times when we would review at the beginning of the season, they would say Viv and I ad-libbed our way through some mediocre writing. They have since found out that that was ridiculous. They know how great our writers are because hundreds of people have copied from them. I have such respect for those kids, my writers I call 'the kids,' Bob and Madelyn."

3. I Love Lucy was the first television comedy to use the three-camera format in front of a live studio audience.
Cinematographer Karl Freund developed a system for lighting the set from above so that production wouldn't have to change lighting when camera angles switched. Christopher Anderson of the Museum of Broadcast Communications writes, "Although the technique was not generally used outside of [Ball's production company] Desilu until the 1970s, it is now widely used throughout the television industry."

4. I Love Lucy was more popular than President Dwight Eisenhower.
Eishenhower's presidential inauguration drew 29 million viewers in January 20, 1953. The next day, 44 million viewers tuned in to watch Lucy give birth to little Ricky, accounting for 72% of all U.S. homes with TVs, according to the Museum of Broadcast Communications.

5. The show broke racial and social barriers on television.
I Love Lucy was the first television series to show an interracial couple (Ball and husband Desi Arnaz). It also was the first to feature a pregnant woman playing a pregnant woman, but could not use the word "pregnant" on telecasts, according to the Lucy Desi Center. Additionally, Ball was the first woman to head a Hollywood studio, Desilu, which produced Star Trek, The Untouchables, My Three Sons, The Andy Griffith Show, The Dick Van Dyke Show and My Favorite Martian.

I've been watching her all day and can truly say, "I love Lucy."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight

1. Have you ever lost a lover and spent way too much time wondering what they were doing? Good goobies, yes! I recently found photos of my favorite ex and downloaded them to my desktop. I'm happy he's doing well professionally, hope he's happy personally, and think moving him to desktop trash would be sad.

2. What was your favorite vacation ever? A trip to LA to visit my best friend. He was on assignment with a client and I came out to keep him company. We went out on the town, talked late into the night every night, and saw my beloved future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux pitch at Dodger Stadium.

3. Do you like surprises? If yes, what kinds? Or are you one of those people who absolutely has to know what's going on before it happens? I don't really like surprises. I like to have plan.

4. Have you ever written a poem? Feel free to share one. Or even a dirty limerick is OK. I won a writing award in high school for a poem I wrote about Carly Simon. She had recently recorded a song called "Alone" that really spoke to me. The first lines of the poem were, "Sight unseen you read my soul. You know my thoughts before I think them." I don't recall any more of it, though.

Alone lyrics found at elyricsworld.com

5. Did anything interesting show up in your mail lately besides the bills? I still love reading glossy magazines, and I'm happy when my Glamour, Allure, O, People, Time, US or Newsweek shows up.

6. How many of your friendships have lasted more than ten years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now? Family members don't count. Kathleen and Barb have been my friends for 15 years, John for 30 and my oldest friend for 45 years. I don't foresee any of them fleeing.

7. Do you own a pet? If so, do you buy them presents for holidays? Do you consider your pet(s) spoiled? If you don't own one, do you think you will one day? I have three cats. And no, we don't celebrate the holidays together. They get a lot of attention and affection each and every day. Does this make them spoiled? I consider them loved and cared for.

8. It's Friday afternoon and you're planning your weekend. What's on your agenda on a hot August night? Grocery shopping and the local library book sale. I know, I know ... you're green with jealousy, aren't you? I've had so much going on that emotionally I'm running a little low. I need serious alone time to recharge.

9. What's your worst nervous habit? I can't sit still. I jiggle and bounce and shift in my seat.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 5

People coming through. My oldest friend has offered to fly in to hold my hand during surgery. I'm not taking her up on it. Even though her son is now 21, he's too angry and messed up to be alone with her daughter and I don't want to be worrying about my friend's chaotic family while I'm healing. Still, it's enormously touching that she wants to do this for me.

My friend Kathleen not only wants to drive me home from the hospital, she thinks it would be great to have a shower for me. She wants me to go to Target and register for things to enjoy while I'm recuperating from "giving birth" to my "stapler."

John wants to be there for me, too, to repay the kindness all of his friends -- including me -- showed him during his illness.

Barb has been checking up on me, too. That's not really like her. I appreciate it.

I didn't expect all of this, and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm sorry. Have we met?

My boss gave me my annual performance appraisal today. Most of it was good. He actually even praised me for my willingness to own my faults and shortcomings, which surprised me because I often get the impression that some coworkers think I'm an overwhelmingly willful diva. He singled out certain projects that he believes I did well on and said he'd do what he could to get me a raise -- my first since 2008 (which was my first since 2004; that means I've had one raise in 7 years). I told him about my upcoming surgery and that I'll probably out for between 4 and 9 weeks. He responded positively in that he's confident he'll be able to get freelance help in my absence, something that wouldn't have happened when the agency was struggling more.

I was amused, though, when I found he wrote of me: "She needs to learn that she doesn't need to do everything by herself. All the time. She can and should ask for help." That's so completely not me! But I guess it's something to carry with me as a I worry about what will happen at the office during my forced absence.

The saga of Vivi and Sidalee

Tonight kicked off our community's book fair, a 2-day event to benefit the public library. Every year there's a book that you see time and time and time again. The book that many locals enthusiastically bought and then decided (almost in unison) that they were done with it and would never read it again. I always make a mental note of the title that wins each year's dubious honor.

In 2006, it was The Corrections.
In 2007, The Nanny Diaries.
In 2008, The Da Vinci Code.
In 2009, My Life by Bill Clinton.
In 2010, Scarlett, the Sequel to Margaret Mitchell's Gone with The Wind.
In 2011, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

This year, most of the books I picked up were for the troops (yes, one of them is the Ya-Ya Sisterhood). I'm pleased by how gently used they are, and I like thinking of the escape they will provide our soldiers.

Ew! Ick!

It's like I'm looking at Snow White's more disturbing dwarfs. There's DarkHeart. There's Whiny. There's Sleazy. There's DumbBunny.

What does this motley crew of disappointments have in common? Someone thought each of them deserved to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency!

Reviewing this group makes me appreciate Barack Obama even more. For I think Joe Biden positively rocks! And never more than when compared to these folks.

There's a famous story about Bill Clinton. When he chose Al Gore as his running mate, he was warned against it in purely conventional political terms. They were, after all, the same age, from the same part of the country. What diversity did Gore bring to the ticket? And if he couldn't deliver a state Clinton couldn't win on his own, what was the point of choosing him as Vice President?

"Because I might die," Bill said.

I hope whoever runs against Obama takes that story to heart.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 4

All of you. My readers. Since posting about how gifted I am at growing a cyst and then worrying about it, I have received no less than 13 positive messages from 8 different bloggers. How cool is that? I have appreciated each and every kind word. For one as loquacious as I am in life, and wordy in writing, it's often hard for me to express how much I need support. I do. And I'm so happy to find it here.

Thank you.

Thursday Thirteen #135

13 OBSERVATIONS

ABOUT SIR PAUL IN CONCERT

After seeing both of Paul McCartney's historic shows at my beloved Wrigley Field, here is my official report -- in handy TT form.

1) He is thin and obviously in very good shape. Three hours of performing -- non-stop -- in 85º to 90º heat, without even stopping to wipe his brow or swig from a bottle of water.

2) He played bass, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, mandolin, ukulele, piano and organ.

3) At 69, he is still a heart throb. Signs in the audience: I'll go veggie for a kiss … Please hug my wife so she'll shut up ... etc. He seems to find this funny/ridiculous. Which is not to say that he also doesn't seem to enjoy it.

4) Sir Paul seems to be refreshingly free of vanity, singing onstage beside huge projections of his more-handsome himself from days gone by.

5) The price of souvenirs was ridiculous. Official tour t-shirts were $40! I bought a cute unofficial one from a sidewalk vendor and paid only $25.

6) McCartney fans run the gamut -- from teenagers to baby boomers. The first night I sat with a dad and his two sons. The younger boy was 16 and just got his license. The older was maybe 20 (not old enough to drink beer). The younger one played air drums all night. The older practiced his keyboard skills on their dad's back. Dad was completely uninterested in being there -- and the younger boy kept track of Dad's beer cups and told him, "It's OK. I'll be your designated driver." Apparently the kids were the music fans and they dragged their father.

7) Younger McCartney fans (under 40) are more polite but drunker. And more likely to ignore the no-smoking signs. It's a sign of the time that it was only tobacco they were blackening my lungs with.

8) Older McCartney fans aren't used to being in crowds and can be quite rude. If one more person shoved me, I thought I'd cry.

9) Yet all 30,000+ of us were swaying and exuding good vibes during the tribute to John, "Give Peace a Chance."

10) Songs I'm frankly tired of when I hear them through my headphones -- including "Hey, Jude" and "Live and Let Die" -- are thrilling with enthusiastic audience participation.

11) Sir Paul watched the royal wedding, too. He told us about sitting in front of the TV with his youngest daughter, waiting for William and Kate to say, "I will." Then he went into the song from The White Album of the same name.

12) Though she's been gone for more than 10 years, Linda is still a constant presence in his shows. Photos she took, photos she's in, songs she inspired ... he doesn't shy away from invoking her memory.

13) I wish he was still in town.

To learn more about the Thursday Thirteen,
or to play along yourself, click here.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 3

Good grub. I'm meeting my friend Barb for dinner tonight at 312. It's a very nice Italian restaurant, much larger than it looks from the outside, with tasty food and powerful mixed drinks. I was a good girl and had chicken salad on crackers and a cup of apple sauce for lunch, so the prospect of a good dinner makes me happy.

It's like a burn inside your mouth

I just got out my ruler and measured my desk stapler here at work. It's 18 cm. My doctor is right: a desk stapler is pretty close in length to my 16 cm ovarian cyst.

I have been googling ovarian cysts online and cannot get any solid stats about malignancy. I have discovered that 18% of post-menopausal women develop them, and that the possibility of cancer increases "manifold" with age, but that's not enough information.

I read that, after a hysterectomy, women aren't allowed to wear jeans. So I ordered a couple pair of sweats. I don't normally wear them, but I got two because I won't want to be going down to the laundry room while I'm recuperating.

I know I should not think about it so much and just leave it alone, but I can't help it. Just as you can't stop poking a burn in your mouth with your tongue, I can't keep my mind from returning to that cyst.

My gynecologist returns to the office in six days.

Treat Me Like You Did the Night Before ...

What am I doing home? Shouldn't Paul and I be together again at Wrigley Field?

I loved going Sunday and Monday. He played for three solid hours each night in 90º heat -- God knows how many extra degrees the hot lights added -- and was upbeat, energetic and in terrific voice. How does he do it at age 69? Bouncing from Yesterday to Helter Skelter, his voice should have been ripped to shreds, but it wasn't.

Between the two nights he did most of the songs I really wanted to hear and see ... Got to Get You into My Life, All My Loving, Hello Goodbye, Get Back, I Will, Birthday, We Can Work It Out ... too many to list over the accumulated six hours.

I was thrilled to be THERE, too. Wrigley Field, the Friendly Confines. Home of the Chicago Cubs. Last night I was actually ON the field, shallow right center. Just past the pitcher's mound where my beloved Hall of Famer, Greg Maddux, once stood (landing on both legs, thanks to his textbook perfect stance). Fergie Jenkins. Ron Santo. Billy Williams. All the heroes of my girlhood played there, and now my ultimate great love, Sir Paul, has played there, too.

At times I felt like one of those Make a Wish kids, so worried about my upcoming procedures. Is this my last chance to see Paul before I'm gutted like a fish?

Oh, I know I'm being silly. But I'm worried. Worrying is what I do. I appreciate that his Lordship did his best to take my mind off of my medical problems for six hours this week.

And I Love Him.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 2

My cats make me happy. I am mega moody today. My last day off and I was having (long) previously scheduled tests. Even though I just had them done as a precaution, they will be useful to my doctor as he decides how to treat my stapler-sized cyst. The thing of it is, my gyne is on vacation until next week, so I just have to wait patiently to find out how we proceed. And waiting patiently is sooooooo not my strong suit.

So I bounce between being annoyed by the process to anxious about the variables (what will be done, when, and how much time off work) to scared by the word "biopsy" to happy as I relive my two nights with Sir Paul at my beloved Wrigley Field. And I'm sick of this freaking heat.

Which is why my cats are a treasure. Each has an individual personality -- Charlotte is imperious and possessive, Joey is a happy and lovable tub of guts who wants nothing more than a good head rub, and Reynaldo is a wild man, fascinated by every aspect of life. They are living, breathing distractions that keep me in touch with nature. I love watching them. I bask in their affection. I am grateful for them.

August Happiness Challenge

Remembering Sir Paul's first Wrigley Field concert last night made me happy. Anticipating his second Wrigley Field concert makes me happy. So that's why this photo (taken myself!) is my August 2011 Happiness Challenge icon.

Forget Your Troubles! C'mon, Get Happy!

Here's a brief explanation of the Challenge: "Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world."

If you play along, let me know.

My Knight at Wrigley Field

I'll post more tomorrow. I must go to sleep. I don't have the energy of this 69-year-old granddad. In the meantime, enjoy this, the second of his three encores.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Fifteen Movie Questions Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Movie you love with a passion. The Way We Were

2. Movie you vow to never watch. Lord of the Rings

3. Movie that literally left you speechless. If it left me speechless because it so sucked: Babel. (Ironic, isn't it?)

4. Movie you always recommend. The Godfather

5. Actor/actress you always watch, no matter how crappy the movie. Jennifer Aniston, and trust me, there have been some crappy ones lately. (But not Horrible Bosses. Go see that.)

6. Actor/actress you don’t get the appeal for. Jack Nicholson

7. Actor/actress, living or dead, you’d love to meet. George (sigh) Clooney

8. Sexiest actor/actress you’ve seen. (Picture required!) Paul in Help!

9. Dream cast. Marvin's Room. Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Leonardo di Caprio, Hume Cronyn, Gwen Vernon and Robert DiNiro.

10. Favorite actor pairing. Paul Newman and Robert Redford, the coolest guys ever

11. Favorite movie setting. New York City

12. Favorite decade for movies. 1970s

13. Chick flick or action movie? Chick flick

14. Hero, villain or anti-hero? Anti hero

15. Black and white or color? Depends on the movie

Countdown to My Knight at Wrigley Field

Two wasted days

I really haven't done much of anything yesterday or today. I guess I'm more upset about my upcoming surgery than I thought. I have no new news, I just left a message with my gynecologist this morning but haven't heard back.

Today (Saturday) started promisingly enough. I ran into a former coworker and her new husband at my regular breakfast spot and we blabbed a bit. I'm happy for her. Her man is nice looking, smart and nice to her. I'm glad to see her so serene in her job and her private life.

After that I just napped and blogged and played games and watched TV. I never even made it to the movie theater. I haven't even watched the Cubs play the Cards in St. Louis! Now that's evidence of low energy!

I shall try to make it to the health club ... Yawn ...

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A day in the city

My nephew is 11. That's a great age. He's feeling adult and is very smart and conversational. Yet he's still all boy, all childlike enthusiasm. So I really enjoyed spending Thursday in Chicago with him, and treasured it all the more because I know he's growing up and that this phase is so fleeting.

First we went to the Chicago History Museum. I loved all the surviving artifacts of the Chicago Fire, but he was more moved by the Lincoln Death Mask. And the lunch we had at the Museum Cafe. Between bites, he looked at me meaningfully and said, "Thank you for today," adding, "This is the second best sandwich I have ever had." (The first best was a burger in Muskegon, Michigan.)

Then it was off to Navy Pier. We rode the ferris wheel, played miniature golf and went through the Amazing Maze over and over again. He was impressed by the opportunity to ride a water taxi up the Chicago River and I got thinking of all the commuters, every day, who take it and take it for granted, reading their newspapers and texting instead of watching the river go by.

My vacation

God, I love this city! On Wednesday, I had some icky tests done and celebrated my bravery getting a pedicure, manicure and facial at a Gold Coast salon. I also had some yummy chocolate cake at this adorable little Belgian bakery, right there in the same building. I know, I know ... Dr. Phil says I'm not supposed to reward myself with food if I want to lose weight. But then Suze Orman says I'm not supposed to reward myself with impulse spending if I want to get out of debt. Well, what am I supposed to reward myself with? HEROIN?

Then I went into the American Girl store for the first time in a million years. I was inspired by a girl I saw on Michigan Avenue. There was a man wearing makeshift paper shoes going through a garbage pail, right there in front of Water Tower Place. And a young girl, maybe 11 or 12, carrying a big American Girl store bag (filled with a doll and outfits that probably set her parents back more than $150) placed a $1 bill in his hand. He said, "God bless," and she looked down, clearly embarrassed by his gratitude. I found this so moving. I hope her parents were proud.

When my niece was younger, she adored the American Girl dolls and books. In fact, this past summer, when she had a yard sale to raise money for college, the only toys she refused to part with were her American Girl "girls." Walking through the store, I understood why they spoke to her. The messages are plain, "American Girls are proud to work for their goals," "We're all American Girls," "American Girls are Smart and Nice." I could not be prouder of how my niece turned out in terms of drive, intelligence and social conscience.

So I bought two of the stories that she loved best, Kit and Josephina, for my Toys for Tots bag. Maybe this Christmas, two other little girls will be moved, the way my niece and that selfless little girl in front of the American Girl Store were.

Then on Thursday I spent the day with my nephew. More on that later ....

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I'm Not in Love

1. Have you ever been in love but tried to deny it? Always

2. Someone throws a party in your honor. The only guests are your past lovers. You're current spouse or significant other is cool with this. They ask you to speak and say something good about those assembled. Would there be someone there you could not say something good about? Yes. But just one. Most of those assembled would be very nice men.

3. How long can you go without your cell phone? Do you own a so-called “smart phone”? I go days without checking my phone. And no, it's not a smartie.

4. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I used to, but the "bad guy" of question #2 makes me question it.

5. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad? (If either or both have passed, answer as if they're alive.) My mom

6. Tell us one thing about your first boyfriend or girlfriend. We have both moved on, and on, and on.

7. Has an ex ever written something about you on facebook or their blog that was nasty about you? No. We're all a little old for that.

8. What was the last thing you borrowed and never returned? I'm sure there's a book or two in my den that do not belong to me.

9. Who is someone famous that you've met? Does kissing Bruce Springsteen count?

If they're good enough for Holly Golightly, why not me?

Did you know that, after certain prcedures, hospitals won't release you, alone, to get in a cab? They consider it the same as driving yourself home and insist it's dangerous. Which means having surgery is even more stressful for singles, like me. Because I will have to ask a friend to take off work, just to pick me up from the hospital and deposit me at home. It's stupid.

Do Holly and Paul look like they're in danger? Of course not.

Well, at least this won't be happening anymore

Getting up at 4:15 AM to pee, that is.

My doctor explained the results of my ultrasounds yesterday afternoon. I have a very large (16 cm long) ovarian cyst, as well some less consequential, small fibroids on my uterus. She says the cyst is likely the culprit for all my complaints, is just over 6" long and not very wide. She likened it to a desk stapler.

The good news? The symptoms of an ovarian cyst are my symptoms:
• Dull pressure or pain
• Pain during urination and bowel movements
• Frequent urination (hence the timing of this post)
• Weight gain
• Fatigue

My GP is not a gynecologist and sent the films to him yesterday. I'll give his office a call in a few hours (not everyone wakes up at 4:00 to pee) and see what our next steps are. My GP did make it clear that if she was my treating physician, she would recommend a hysterectomy. My uterus is compromised and that cyst is too large to disappear on its own. Because it's so long, it's pressing the organs all around it.

And besides, I'm sick of all the symptoms above! That was the point of all this -- to isolate what's wrong and treat it.

HOWEVER, I don't want to be cut open. That means I'll have to inconvenience one of my friends -- right now, Kathleen looks like my lucky first choice -- to take me home from the hospital. I learned before they won't let you take a cab. And it could mean a lot of time (up to 6 weeks!) off work! I know they could get by without me, but do I want them to know they can get by without me?

However, I'm postmenopausal, which puts me at increased risk of ovarian cancer. So this has to be done. At the very least, that cyst has to be biopsied. My GP said I "shouldn't worry" about cancer, but that doesn't mean it's not cancer. That can just mean that worrying does no good. She doesn't know me well. Worrying is what I do.