… and I don't want my little nephew to pay it.The family is abuzz about a paper my third-grade nephew wrote. The topic was, "Something that bothers me." My nephew wrote about how his parents fight with his sister for "hours and hours," and that it gets so loud he goes down to the basement with his Gameboy and tries to ignore it.
My sister (his mother) saw it and was mortified. She asked him if he had to write about his sister and how they argue. "What?" he asked defiantly. "Do you want me to lie?"
The hand-wringing has gone from how he spilled their noisy, messy homelife to how "mouthy" he was in defending his composition. I don't understand what all the fuss is about because:
1) My niece, a sophomore in high school, does argue with her parents. About cellphone minutes, and time behind the wheel, and her aspirations. I don't see why this is especially scandalous. I bet the teacher has heard and seen worse.
2) My sister, the baby of the family, is very sharp tongued but doesn't realize it. So she doesn't recognize that, when the tone gets hostile or sarcastic, my niece is living what she's learned.
3) I think it TERRIFIC that my nephew is using his words to share what's going on inside. It's better than punching a wall or acting out in school. I wonder how much of this at-home stress, and keeping it to himself, contributes to those miserable headaches he suffers. If writing about it and telling his teacher what's going on at home helps, then I'm grateful for it.
I suppose that in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I was on barbiturates in first grade for sleepwalking and chronic diarrhea. Yet I still got in trouble within the family for letting people know what went on behind closed doors at our house. Then, as now, keeping the family secrets was paramount, regardless of the cost.
The price is usually an ulcer or pent up rage, let the pen write! Good for your nephew in choosing a topic that he has some feeling for. I bet it was well written.
ReplyDeleteIMO, It is time for your sister to start thinking about your nephew. If she can't discuss things without yelling, it is a lousy place to be a kid. And I know. If she is so unaware of her tongue somebody should tell her. And you should do more than wonder about at home stress contributing to headaches. And your sisater thinks that what he wrote is the issue? Geez...
ReplyDeleteOh, Bud, I have told my sister these things! I'm not especially shy about my opinions. But it has been made abundantly clear to me that since I am a barren spinster, my input on childcare is unwelcome. There is always the tacit threat that if I get too pushy, my access to my niece and nephew can be curtailed. So I just try to do what I can to be supportive when I spend time with them.
ReplyDeleteI feel awful for your nephew. Now he is in the midst of another squabble and must feel so responsible. He's an innocent victim. Bless his heart. Why wouldn't he want to escape to the basement?
ReplyDeleteYou're in a precarious position but I'm sure your nephew and niece need your input in their lives. They (and your sister, whether she realizes it or not) are lucky to have you.
Trust me, the teacher has seen and heard worse. Secrets are harmful.
Amazing how children pick up on the dynamics, isn't it? I bet it does contribute to his headaches. Wouldn't it be nice to pop your sister in the forehead occasionally? (I am speaking from my relationship with my own sisters, of course!)
ReplyDeleteMy family went through a really hard time with one of my sisters...and my mother was always adamant about us not sharing our problems. She changed her tune though when one day I mentioned my sister's problems to my boss-who then recommended a therapist who turned out to be a god send.
ReplyDeleteGal-
ReplyDeleteMakes sense. I wasn't really thinking about how hard what I was suggesting is to do. I'm sure you've tried!