"At least we're not dead."

It was ridiculous that we were laughing. After all, none of it is funny. It's just that there was so fucking much of it that Barb and I were found ourselves in stitches.

I don't feel like detailing the litany of woes bedeviling me. If you want to read about it, you can find it here, and here, and here. I try to remain cheerful despite all that, but every now and again it washes over me that I have been in some degree of pain every day for nearly three months, with no concrete end in sight, and I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Last night, I sat down to eat at a lovely restaurant with an expansive menu, and I was bloated and full and uncomfortable. Again. Still. I wanted to cry.

That's when Barb breezed in. She looked more distracted than usual, which I thought was work related. After all, after her biopsy last month, she shot me a text message saying the procedure had gone "just fine."

She hadn't lied exactly. The biopsy itself had gone "just fine." It's the results that took my breath away. She has cancer and will undergo a double mastectomy on April 6. My head was spinning as she explained her options for reconstructive surgery.

Complicating the situation is Barb's kid sister. They both tested positive for the BRCA gene and so her sister spun out at this news. Sis is also pressing the panic button about her teen daughter -- Barb's niece -- worrying that the high school student is a ticking breast cancer time bomb.

As we were packing up, leaving the restaurant to go to the theater, Barb commented that if one lowers the bar "way down low, we're actually lucky. At least we're not dead." As I juggled my handbag and computer bag, I countered that at least I've only got two bags -- the colostomy bag hasn't made three yet. This tickled us.

The play we saw was 42nd Street. It was nostalgic, predictable and silly and just what we needed. At one point during dinner I suggested we just blow it off. After all, it's just lighter than air. "You're going out a youngster but you've got to come back a STAR!" The score includes "Lullaby of Broadway" and "Shuffle Off to Buffalo." When I got home, I felt happier than I thought possible under the circumstances. Sometimes fluff does a body good.

But here's the thing I'm thinking the morning after. Barb has cancer. Mindy's husband has a bad ticker. My nephew is battling depression. My friends in the Keys are beyond broke. I pass my florist's shuttered door every morning. Joey's dead. I'm still sick.

I cannot believe how bad 2016 is turning out to be!

Hey! I think I love you!

What has me channeling my inner Laurie Partridge? We have a new Account Director! AD, as I shall christen him, is taking the role previously played by Long Tall Sally and before her, The Chocolate Covered Spider. It's an important job, requiring both people kills and smarts, and we haven't had anyone good in this position for years. We've had petty, and overwhelmed, and batshit crazy, but not good.

I am extremely hopeful that AD will, indeed, turn out to be good. He's already asked smart questions, and already tried to build a relationship with me ... and he just started Monday!

I complain a lot about work, but that's because I really want to do a good job. And to do a good job, I need a competent Account Director. I hope that's exactly what AD turns out to be.

More? Really? Really!

If I may indulge in a little personification: 2016 is consciously competing to be the worst year of my life.

Yes, I've been in pain, first with c. diff and then ongoing PI-IBS. And yesterday was a bad day. Yes, I lost my beloved Joey. But believe it or not, this is just the tip of a very cold, foreboding and jagged iceberg.

First I found out about my nephew's disturbing difficulties. I know he's getting care, but he's a good kid and I love him and I hate that he's battling this.

Then there were Mindy's husband's health problems ... and my florist's heartbreak ... and money troubles -- my own possible ones and my the very real ones faced by my friends in the Keys.

But wait, there's more! My oldest friend, who had fallen off the radar for about a week, explained what was up. Her 19 year old daughter had a vicious case of the flu, complete with bloody diarrhea, so bad she ended up in the ER. My friend took a lot of time off work to care for her daughter, which concerns me as much as the flu. She's away from work a lot, and I worry how much more her bosses will accept.

And my friends in Key West were just in a car accident. No one was hurt, but their car sustained $5000 worth of damage. I cannot emphasize more how industrious they are, how hard they are trying, how tired they are.

I love these people. I feel helpless. And it's getting to where I'm scared to pick up the phone.

It's a lot, and yet it's not enough

The man who killed Nailah Franklin back in 2007 has finally been sentenced. He got the maximum penalty, life in prison. Since he is now 38, I suppose he has at least 30 years ahead of him. In a cage. Without access to the fine clothes and high-end cars that he so enjoyed when he was on this side of prison bars.


Now I don't have to think about him anymore.

Instead, I'm going to close this post by concentrating on Nailah Franklin. I never met her, but I remember that warm day in 2007 when her former coworkers were handing out leaflets at my el stop, pleading with Chicagoans to be on the lookout for her and her car. Of course, by then she was already dead, but we didn't know that.

What I did know is that she was obviously much loved. Her short life and sad death touched me, and I honor her here.


Nailah Franklin graduated first from Homewood Flossmoor High School and then the University of Illinois.

She spent 5 years at the prestigious ad agency, Leo Burnett.

She moved to Eli Lilly in 2006 because she believed a sales job would help give her greater control over her finances and career.

She loved "all things Oprah."

She loved clothes and had a terrific sense of fashion.

Her mother told the Tribune that she wondered why Nailah "always seemed to be in such a hurry to live life. I think her spirit knew she had such a short time on this Earth and she had to cram in as much living as possible."

An older sister remembers her "little baby voice that she never grew out of, but she was bold and spirited, headstrong and beautiful."

Her father recalled "an exceptionally smart woman" and said that not a day went by that he didn't miss her.

A younger sister smiles when she remembers CD/DVD collection because "it was such a reflection of her -- a combination of old school songs by Luther Vandross and Tae Bo exercise DVDs."

Her youngest sister tried to follow Nailah to Urbana but she wasn't accepted. She treasures Nailah's words of encouragement as she applied to other schools. "When we learned she had died, I considered quitting the nursing program. But I remembered how much she believed in me and I thought it was important to keep going."

Her young brother tearfully took the stand to tell the court that he wishes he could call Nailah "for advice on how to deal with losing her."

Nailah volunteered at the Chicago Urban League. She was eulogized as "not a star, but a superstar."

She was just 28 when she died.

And to think, you could have gotten a personalized cutting board!

I finally read my December issue of O magazine today, featuring Oprah's favorite things, and learned that I could have given everyone on my gift list a personalized cutting board at a little over $150 a pop.

The magazine entertained me as I pedaled ... for the first time in 2016. I finally returned to the health club and it felt good. I warmed up on the deltoid fly and the abductor/adductor before moving to the exercise bike, where I kept my heart rate to about 100 bpm for 25 minutes.

It felt good. I'm hoping that the incremental physical activity will help my gastrointestinal tract get back to normal.

Sunday Stealing

Garage Sale Meme

Is your phone right next to you, or at least close by? My landline is within sight. My cell is somewhere in my purse, which is near the door.

What windows or tabs are open on your computer right now? Oh, there are four open right now. Too many to name.

Is your phone a touch screen? My cell is.

Who is the last person to call you? My friend Alan. He touched base after going to the doctor.

What was the last movie you watched? Room. Gulp. It's tough to watch, though both of the lead performances are outstanding. Brie Larson deserves that Oscar.

What are you doing tomorrow? I'm posting this Saturday night. Tomorrow is Sunday, which for one last week, means Downton Abbey. Sniff, sniff. I'm gonna miss those Crawleys.

Are you in a good mood? Pretty much.

Do you think exes can remain friends? No. I think that's sad, but true. Of all my exes, there's only one I hear from regularly.

Are you starting to realize anything? That not everyone needs to know exactly what I'm thinking about every little thing.

Do you follow rules or break them? Depends on the rule.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? Of course! I'm deep into my Sinatra biography, there's the season finale of Downton Abbey, the sun will be out ... Sunday will be a good day!

Could you go a day without eating? Yes. I have recently. Tummy trouble.

How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?  None.

Do you scream stuff out the car window? I don't have a car.

Do you have reason to smile right now? Sure.

What do you do when you need to relax? Farmville.

What are you listening to right now? SNL

What’s your greatest fear? Plane crash

Do you have a best friend? Yes.

Are you afraid of death? No. The moments immediately preceding it scare me, but not death.

Do you open up to people easily? Probably too easily.

Has anyone upset you in the last week? Fuck yes. I work at an advertising agency. We're a building full of weirdos.

What’s your favorite drink? Coke

What are you craving? Coke

How did you sleep last night? On my right side

Would you ever consider turning your house into a B&B? No.

What was the first thing you ate today? Ritz Crackers

Do you have anything more important you should be doing right now? Yes

Have you ever eaten tofu, and if so, did you enjoy it? I don't recall ever eating tofu

What was the last type of meat you ate? I had a burger.

What color is your toothpaste? White

Have you taken any medication today? Yes. I'm an old broad, so I take cholesterol meds and a probiotic and allergy meds and a multivitamin.

Have you ever inhaled helium? No

Have you set an alarm today? Yes

Do you keep up-to-date with current news and events? Yes. We've got an election coming up in Cook County and the State's Attorney race is an important one.

Have you asked someone for advice today? Yes.

What color is your shampoo? White
 
Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? Yes

Ever wake up early on Saturdays to go Garage Sale shopping? No.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: FortyFive Seconds (2015)

1) The very bad day described in this song began promisingly enough. The lyrics tells us, "Woke up an optimist, sun was shining, I'm positive." How did your day begin? I slept a little late because my alarm clock's battery had worn down. The clock still worked, but the alarm never went off.

2) This song refers to Monday morning. What's on your plate for Monday? We have a new account director starting! I'm so excited! We haven't had anyone in that role since Long Tall Sally crashed and burned last summer. I hope I adore him.

3) The lyrics request, "promise you'll pay my bail." Have you ever had to bail anyone out of jail? (Or have you been bailed out?) Golly, this happened nearly 30 years ago. My friend John was busted for smoking pot at one of Chicago's outdoor festivals. He called me that Saturday evening and told me he needed $250 or he'd have to spend the night in jail. SHIT! No one wants to spend the night in a Chicago jail. So I took $20 cab ride to bail him out, armed with my then brand-new Discover card, because the city had just begun accepting plastic for bail. What neither John nor I understood is that, when you're held on  bail, you only need 10% (plus a small processing fee) to get out. All they put on my credit card was something like $27.50. He had nearly that much on him, and the cab ride cost nearly as much! As you can see, John and I weren't very street or sophisticated. It does kind of explain why I'm so shocked by how commonplace marijuana is today. I smell it daily when I take the el, or walk past my downstairs neighbor's condo when her son is home alone. I'm an old lady of a generation when you got busted for smoking pot.
 
4) Rihanna gets top billing in this all-star trio. She says that when she was a little girl, she used to walk around singing "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin. What's your favorite song from a Disney movie? 



 Sometimes, when I see Trump spewing his toxic shit, I wish Julie Andrews would just spontaneously materialize to provide the good/gracious/disciplined antidote. (Do you suppose he'd tell HER it would "be a pretty picture, you on your knees?" I think not!)

5) Rihanna dated outfielder Matt Kemp when he was with the LA Dodgers. Opening Day is less than a month away. Are you a baseball fan? Uh, YEAH! Go, Cubs, go!

6) Kanye West also sings on this week's song. When he was a little boy, he spent a year in China with his mother. Have you ever lived overseas (as opposed to just visiting on vacation)? Nope.

7) Mr.West is part owner of the Fatburger chain. Do you like grilled onions on your burger? Nope.

8) This week's third artist, Paul McCartney, is a vegetarian. Think about your most recent meal. Did it include chicken, pork, or beef? Eggs or dairy? I had a bowl of cereal with milk.

9) Paul was born at 2:00 PM on a Thursday. Do you know what day of the week you were born? Do you know the exact time? Friday morning at 12:01 AM. I know this because I had to dig out my birth certificate so I could renew my passport.

2016, we talked about this!

This year is not going well.

•  My friend Mindy called. Her husband had an angioplasty. His prognosis is good, but she's scared. They have been together a long time, been through a great deal together, and she loves him very much.

•  My florist closed her doors for good. This is a woman I spoke to at least twice/month, maybe more often, over the last ten years. We chatted often when I came in for the flowers I keep on my desk. Over the years we talked about my nephew and her granddaughter, who are about the same age. I knew she worried about her kid brother's checkered romantic and employment history. Suddenly, over the holidays, her husband's health took a drastic turn for the worst and now she had to close the small, independent business they built together. This makes me monumentally sad. I worry about her, about what she'll do after he's dead and she has neither of the long-time ballasts of her life. Last Thursday I slipped in with two tiny boxes of chocolates -- one for her, one for her loyal assistant, Darlene. I came by when I knew she wouldn't be there because I was afraid to face my florist's tears. I feel a little guilty about that. I should have let her cry and given her a hug.

•  I haven't heard from my oldest friend in more than a week. I hope it's because she's happy and busy. With her history of depression, I worry it's because she's blue and overwhelmed.

•  Things are chaotic at work. Not busy, mind you. Politically turbulent. Which sucks.

•  My friends in Key West are broke again. I got a sad email from him. He's despondent over not getting a better paying job at the library. He really wanted it. (Right now he's working 6 days/week at 2 jobs and this library position would allow him to have two consecutive days off again.) He told me of stopping by a restaurant I like down there. Not to dine. He saw a former coworker of his through the window, surprised to see she was waiting tables there. After they chatted amiably, he started to leave and saw a $20 bill on the floor. He pocketed it and headed home. Then he turned around and went back. He was afraid it was one of his friend's tips and knew how hard she would have worked for a $20 tip. I responded with a chatty, handwritten snail-mail note, all about the Illinois State's Attorney race and my confusion about who to vote for. I slipped a $20 CVS gift card into it. I did it this way because I didn't want him to be embarrassed by my help. But it makes me sad. Everyone I know who lives on that island works so hard! And I was touched by my friend's integrity in returning that $20.

2016 better start getting better. It feels like a long year already.

Not a good color for me

Yellow, I mean. And I saw a tinge of beigey yellow in bowl Monday morning, which freaked me out. For it was that yellow that signaled the advent of c. diff back in December.

I most definitely didn't want to revisit that! And yet Dr. Google tells me that it's not unheard for up to 25% of c. diff patients to suffer a recurrence. So I called the office of my new gastroenterologist to discuss how we should proceed from here.

What a massive disappointment that was! Now remember, this is Monday morning at 9:00. I asked when I could expect to hear from him. Nothing as specific as "11:45 today," mind you. Just "today or tomorrow."

"I don't know, ma'am. He's in clinic right now and he won't even see your message for at least an hour."

I explained that I understood that. What I wanted to know was, would he try to call me back Monday, or should I expect to hear from him Tuesday.

"I don't know, ma'am. He hasn't even seen your message yet. I have no idea when he'll call you back."

"You mean," I said, surprised and certain she wasn't understanding me, "he might not call me back until Wednesday?" Remember, this was Monday morning.

"That's right. I don't know when he'll call because he hasn't even seen your message yet."

"I'm sorry, that's not acceptable," I said, and I hung up.

There's a tension component to my gut trouble. When I'm stressed, my gut roils. It always has, ever since I was in junior high. Worrying about this for up to 72 hours would just make it worse.

This man is a gastroenterologist. Clearly he has treated other patients, like me, whose issues are exacerbated by their emotional/mental state. And yet he doesn't have a policy about returning calls that will help alleviate their stress?

He's not the doctor for me.

So I phone by GP. She called back within two hours and prescribed more tests. We're waiting for the results to come back.

I love how responsive she is, but she's not a gastroenterologist. I agree that, with whatever is now going on with me, I need a specialist.

So I'm doctor shopping again. I think I've found a likely candidate. She accepts my insurance, is taking new patients, has positive online patient reviews, and practices out of two nearby hospitals I know well (important because I need a colonoscopy). After my GP and I talk about what's going on right now, I'll decide better what to do next.

Sunday Stealing

HOW ARE YA TODAY?

Okay, here we go. How are ya today? I'm OK I guess. My gut's giving me a little grief. But considering how awful my gastrointestinal tract has been so far this year, "a little grief" is a condition I'll gladly take.

Have you ever been so happy you felt invincible? Yes

Would you ever refer to something as ‘bitter sweet’? Yes

Is there a person in this world you don’t think you could ever figure out? Oh, God yes!

When was the last time you were freaked out? Watching an interview with Trump supporters in Texas. Person after person said, "He just says what we feel." REALLY? You feel it's OK to make fun of John McCain's time as a POW? Or to refer to Holy Communion as "my little wine and my little cracker?" Or to cruelly mock a disabled reporter? It would be one thing if they supported Trump in spite of this stuff. Instead it looks like they're voting for it because of it. I find this monumentally disturbing.

 

Do you learn from ‘every’ mistake you make? I wish I did, but I don't.

Do you sometimes think that you’re too nice? Yes. Especially for the Age of Trump.

Is there something you’re dying to tell someone? Yes.

Do you think you have a unique name? No.

Do you usually try to find the good in people? Yes.

Do you look back on embarrassing moments and laugh about them? Yes.

Have you ever laughed just to save yourself from humiliation? Yes.

What are you doing in 2 hours? Taking a shower and touching up my sorry-looking pedi.

What is the last thing you ate? A little applesauce. (Tummy trouble.)

Do you love your job? I love what I do. I don't necessarily love my job.

When is the last time you showered? Yesterday

Who is the last person you texted? My friend in the Keys.

When is the last time you were in a hospital? February 9. I saw a specialist for my tummy trouble. While I waited for my cab, I was impressed by the charming little gift shop. Sometimes these shops can be rather depressing affairs, but this one was lovingly cared for and the gifties were uplifting. I imagine the items in there brightened many a patient's day, and that made me happy.

The last time you went out to eat, what did you order?
 Coffee shop, Saturday morning, eggs benedict.

Do you tend to have a lot of those moments where you forget something that you wanted to say?
 Good goobies, yes!

How long have you known the last person you text messaged? 20+ years

Will this week be a good one? I hope so. I want it to be.

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? Of course. I admit that this year has been difficult thus far, but there's always joy to be found. For example, I saw a lovely little movie, Brooklyn, that I wouldn't have gone to see if not for its Oscar nominations. (I love the Oscars, and they're on tonight.)

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning? Morning.

Have you been to New York City?  Yes. I'd go back in a heartbeat if it wasn't so expensive.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Times of Your Life

1) This song is all about memories. How far back can you remember? What's your earliest memory? I remember pressing my hand down on a red leather ottoman. I was using it to steady myself as I stood up. According to my mother, I was just under a year old. We moved right around my first birthday and that chair/ottoman set didn't make the move.

2) The first line is "Good morning, yesterday." What do you remember about yesterday morning? I was mad at myself because I crashed on the sofa. I hate when I do that.

3) This song was originally a 60-second jingle, featured in a commercial for Kodak film. Do you ever use film? Or are all your pictures digital? Digital.

4) Who took the most recent photo of you? It was right after Christmas dinner. I was so happy to be in Key West, on the water with people I love, that I ran into the ocean. My friend snapped the picture.

5) This week's featured artist, Paul Anka, was born in Canada and enjoyed appearing in a made-for-TV Perry Mason movie with fellow Canadian, Raymond Burr. Do you enjoy courtroom dramas? Yes. Lately I've been watching the People vs. OJ Simpson, even though obviously I know show it ends.

6) At 15, Anka won a supermarket contest by collecting the most Campbell soup can wrappers. The prize was a trip to New York. Do you enter contests and sweepstakes? Play the lottery? I've got a couple lottery tickets in my wallet right now that I should check.

7) This year Paul Anka performed throughout Florida (Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Orlando, Clearwater and Fort Myers). The Sunshine State is a popular vacation destination. Do you have a favorite spot in Florida? I've been to Orlando, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale and Key West. I've enjoyed them all but I've spent the most time in Key West.

8) In 1976, the year this song was on the charts, an earthquake hit China. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? In 2008 there was a 5.2 earthquake here in Chicago. It was a little before dawn, and it startled me awake. I don't know anyone who was injured or suffered any property damage that day.

9) Random question: Do you know CPR? Nope.
 

That's quite enough, 2016

This year hasn't been a good one. To borrow from the late, lamented Glenn Frey, each day seems to promise "a heartache tonight." I hope 2016 gets its act together soon, because it's delivered quite enough ick already.

I've been sick. All year. I'm on the mend, which I'm enjoying enormously, but I'm still not well. This has been going on for 62 days now. And I have a colonoscopy to look forward to. I know the procedure is nothing to be worried about, but it's such an icky investment of time. I really resent it. The whole gastrointestinal thing is wearing me out.

 Glenn Frey died. I was saddened not just because I enjoy his work -- and I always have -- but because ulceritive colitis contributed to his death. I really don't like thinking about that these days.

My florist is closing her doors on Friday. Her husband since the 1980s and business partner for the last 24 years is deteriorating rapidly as a result of pulmonary heart disease. She just can't juggle caring for him and keeping the shop open. I worry about her. I'm concerned that once her husband passes and the shock of his loss wears off a bit, she'll miss this little business that they built together. She's losing two of the anchors of her life at once. It makes me very sad.

David Bowie died. Now I admit I never understood his appeal. He struck me as achingly pretentious and his voice was so thin and reedy it almost literally hurt me to listen to it. But that's not the point. A lot of the people around me were great admirers of his, and since I respect their feelings, his unexpected passing caused free floating grief to hang all around me.

Money is on my mind. And I hate worrying about finances. I thought 2016 was gonna be OK. I planned to get a new sofa, finally finish my bathroom, and maybe, just maybe, slip in a spa getaway this year. It's been two years since I treated myself to a solo luxury escape and I really miss it. Anyway, a wrench has been tossed into the works, with the specter of special assessments looming.

Trump worries me. He indicates that there's something very wrong in our
country. I'm trying to inoculate myself against that toxicity with a photo of what's right in our country. 

And, of course, Joey. Though I know I should be grateful that he is comfortable and at peace. And I do know how lucky I was to know him at all.

 HOWEVER, NOTHING IS EVER ALL BAD.

Baseball is just 39 days away, and I'm always happier when I have my Cubs.

This summer will be busy with nice things. In June, I'm attending my niece's graduation and taking my friend John to Springfield to see the Lincoln sites. My oldest friend is coming in this August for The Fest for Beatle Fans, and that's always fun.

Thinking of the Lads from Liverpool -- and they are seldom far from my thoughts -- it's also helpful to remember that the Beatles were invading us this month 52 years ago. This was #1 on this date in 1964. As with Joey, I know I'm lucky to have the Beatles in my life.

So I'm going through the cafeteria check out line ...

... looking down at my lunch tray as I wait to pay, and I start to cry a little because it hits me that Joey is no longer in the world.

He was a wonderful companion. He was always gentle and, as long as there was a warm place to nap, happy. As I wrote of him back in 2009, when I was preparing for my colonoscopy, "Today my best feline friend has been my big old gray and white tub of guts, Joey. He's been very affectionate and attentive surrounding today's festivities. He has seemed more in tune to why our daily schedule was off and he's been very sweet about it. I've said it before -- Joey may be my dopiest cat, but he's my hero. He has an unfailingly sensitive, positive nature."

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post about his passing. I appreciate and find comfort in your kindness, because this has been very hard.

A TR/Bikini Kill mashup

I know Hillary has had a hard time touching younger women. I suppose I understand it. Younger women weren't there in the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s and 1990s. But watching this reminds me she was. Totally present and always working hard within the system (even when the system didn't welcome her).

While I remain deeply ambivalent about HRC in some aspects, I admire her greatly for her ongoing involvement. She's always been, to paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, a woman "who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions ..."




Look at the "next up" videos YouTube recommends after you watch this one. They're cruel and overwrought and hysterical. She doesn't deserve it, but she withstands it, and gets up every morning to fight another day.

Farewell to a prince

Thursday night, Joey ate heartily and played catch-the-shoelace with the other cats. Friday night, he greeted me at the door with his tail held high, snarfed down his food, and engaged in a little laser tag. But somehow, between Friday night and Saturday morning, something happened. He took a turn for the worse.

He didn't come into the bedroom to rouse me for breakfast. He didn't even want breakfast. Or dinner. I tried to get him excited by the laser, but he just looked at me with tired eyes. He stayed curled up beside me and enjoyed being petted. But I felt he was slipping away.

Today was worse. I couldn't get him to eat anything. He came to the kitchen when I called him for dinner, because he always tried to please me. But after turning up his nose on three different kinds of food, he turned to leave the kitchen and fell down.

I couldn't believe that the happy old boy who attacked and brought down a shoelace with such gusto was now having a hard time even standing! But he was dealing with a lot -- arthritis, glaucoma, kidney disease and an incurable virus. His body just quit on him.

I bundled him up and took him to the 24-hour emergency vet. If his health was deteriorating this quickly, I was afraid that the night would cause him discomfort and I wanted to spare him that.

The vet and vet tech were kind and sensitive. Joey was given a mild sedative and brought to me in this cat bed. Then they left us alone so I could say goodbye. I don't know if you can tell by this photo, but when I cooed his name he made curly paws. It was his way of letting me know he heard me, he knew I was there, he loved and trusted me. It was an enormously generous gesture for him to make. But he was always an enormously generous soul.

It was an honor to know you, Joey.

Sunday Stealing

Puzzler Meme

What time is it? 10:33 PM, Saturday night

Quick. What’s the first green thing you see? Sofa pillow

Do you like those Sudoku puzzles? I've never done one

Do you own a plaid shirt? No

What’s your favorite kind of pie? Strawberry rhubarb

Have you read a book today? Knocked off a chapter over lunch at the local sandwich shop

Do you like going to museums? Very much

Have you ever been to Washington D.C.? Yes. Three times, and loved it each time. I'm sure I'll go back someday.

Have you ever been to the state of Washington? Nope

Do you like apple juice? Sure

How cold is it outside? Unseasonably warm

Have you ever taken a course in Chemistry? Yes. Had to in order to graduate from high school. I hated it and barely passed.

Do you like to draw? I like to doodle.

What do you put on your french fries? Ketchup

Do you like everything to match? Yes

Do you like mustard? Not especially

Would you ever work at a movie theater? Yes. I think I'd enjoy it. I like the sound of movies and the smell of popcorn.

Do you have a phone charger in your car? No. No car.

Have you ever slept through an alarm? Yes. That's why on mornings when I have a plane or train to catch, I set three alarms.

Do you like pineapple on pizza? Not especially.

Do you like to hold hands? Depends on the other hand

Do you want a tattoo? No

When is the last time you ordered from a catalog? Last month

Do you know anyone who has a collection of old records? That would be me

What’s the name of the gas station you last stopped at? Don't recall because it happens so seldom.

What was the first song you heard today? "Young Turks" by Rod Stewart

Have you ever gotten a magazine subscription as a gift? Yes. I now receive US every week, courtesy of my aunt

What was the last video you watched on YouTube? Yeah, I know I just posted it yesterday. But it is the last video I watched and I do so enjoy it.

Have you ever sacrificed something for someone you love? Yes

Have you ever had your picture in the newspaper? Yes

There's no fool ...

I've seen this with my boss before. He falls into thrall with some of his coworkers. They always look the same: long, straight blonde hair and no bust. The first was The Chocolate Covered Spider. Then it was Blondie McBlonderson. They both quit in January 2015, and he was bereft.

I don't mean to imply that he's sleeping with these women. There were never any affairs. It's just that he's a balding 60 year old in a young person's industry. His college-aged son is having expensive medical and emotional problems. He gets off on being adored by svelte, flaxen-haired 30-somethings.

How do I feel about this? Sometimes I think it's sad/sweet. Sometimes I think it's creepy. Most of the time I think it's none of my business.

But the last couple weeks have been difficult because there's a new blonde in town. And, unlike The Chocolate Covered Spider and Blondie McBlonderson, this one is his boss. Which makes her my boss, too. So I've got to care.

She was hired without much fanfare over the summer. Then, all of a sudden, we got an email saying she was being installed as the top creative on our account, which is one of our agency's largest. An EMAIL! The two men who were co-directors weren't even told in advance that this new younger woman was replacing them.* Nor was my boss told that she was being installed as his immediate supervisor.

And I'd never even seen her. When I asked who she was, I was told, "You've seen her. She's a thin blonde who wears fashion-forward boots all the time." So every time a thirty-something blonde walked by, I'd echo the title of that children's book, Are You My Mother? That's why I shall hereafter refer to her as, "Mommy."

My boss began working closely with two weeks ago. "Mommy says this," and "Mommy wants that." I began imagining her as a brittle ball buster. "This is a new world," my boss would intone ominously. "We have to anticipate what Mommy wants and deliver."

Interestingly, my boss made no attempt to introduce us to Mommy. She remained this behind-the-curtain, larger-than-life presence. And she was getting in the way of me doing my job.

My client wants to be in the mail with a special promotion on May 1. That means it has to be written, designed, approved by the lawyers and ready to go to the printer on April 1. So the client wanted to see at least three concepts on Tuesday of this week.

But because Mommy wasn't going to be in the office on Friday, Monday, or Tuesday, we couldn't deliver. Because, my boss said, Mommy needed to approve everything.

WHAT THE FUCK?!? How big is her ego? She'd rather piss the client off, just to put her imprimatur on work that was begun before she took over the account?

Well, I met Mommy on Friday. It was over wine (she was drinking, I still can't) at Happy Hour. She's very nice, very unassuming, and let it slip that she couldn't have cared less about my project. She told me she was driving to and from the client's downstate offices every day Friday, Monday and Tuesday. It's 135 miles and 2.5 hours each way. She didn't want to stay at a hotel, even though it would have been easier, because she has a toddler and wanted to put him to bed herself. Anyway, she confessed that when she reviewed the creative we developed for my project, she really couldn't see it very well. She was looking at it on her phone when she stopped for gas. "But I gave it a glance because your boss wanted me to."

There's a massive difference between her having to approve everything and her giving it a glance. My boss is obviously working overtime to impress her.

A product of his generation, he doesn't know what to do with her. She's clearly his type, he's obviously attracted to her. And yet she has authority over him. Unlike Blondie and The Chocolate Covered Spider, Mommy is not going to look at him as a sweet and amusing elder statesman. She is rightly going to expect more of him.

And he's spinning out of control. It's too complicated and depressing to detail here, but in his obsession with Mommy he's making my life hell. He sees everything through a Mommy-colored prism. He doesn't care if the client is happy. He doesn't care if we're giving the ones who pay us their money's worth. He wants Mommy's approval. And the sad truth is, Mommy is (rightfully, I think) focused on the high level and doesn't really seem to care what we do down in the weeds.

And so, my boss and I are going to continue to clash. Because I insist on delivering for the client. And I believe that if our contretemps were escalated to Mommy, she'd side with me, because she's a businesswoman and, if our client is happy, our business will grow.

But my boss is spinning out of control and doesn't/can't see that. He's motivated by fear and confusion and sex and he's powerless to stop spinning.

*But they're dicks anyway, so I don't care.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Sixteen Tons (1955)
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
 

1) 16 tons = 32,000 pounds, because there are 2,000 lbs. to a ton. Without looking it up, do you know how many ounces are in a pound? No. I'm hopeless with this sort of thing.

2) The singer describes himself as having "a mind that's weak and a back that's strong." Think about yourself. Which feels more powerful today, your body or your brain? Brain

3) The poor chap in this song has money troubles. Are you good at sticking to your budget? No. I'm hopeless with this sort of thing.
 
4) Tennessee Ernie Ford snapped his fingers as he recorded this song. It's been said that while it's possible to snap your fingers of both hands, the noise is louder with your "dominant hand." (So if you're a rightie, the finger snap will be louder with your right hand.) Try it yourself. Did you find this to be true? Yes.

5) Mr. Ford appeared as "Cousin Ernie" in three episodes of I Love Lucy. What's your all-time favorite sitcom? Friends

6) Tennessee Ernie took the money he made from his performing career and invested in a California cattle ranch. Think back to the last beef your ate. How was it prepared? On Friday I had a Quarter Pounder. I looooooved it. When I was suffering from c. diff, I had a very restricted diet, and it didn't include beef. So this was my first trip to the Golden Arches this year, and I was surprised by how much I savored it. It wasn't just the beef. I got to taste onions and pickles again, too!

7) Mr. Ford passed away at age 72 in 1991. That year, Dr. Seuss also died. What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book? The Man with the Mole on His Nose. OK, it's not a Dr. Seuss book at all, but it gives me an excuse to watch this clip again.



8) Gene Roddenberry also died that year. Mr. Roddenberry is best known as the creator of Star Trek. Who is your favorite Star Trek character? Sulu. I never watched Star Trek, but I enjoy George Takei's Facebook page a lot.

9) Random question: We're having smoothies. What's your favorite? Strawberry banana.