Thursday Thirteen #218

THIRTEEN THINGS 

ABOUT JUDY GARLAND

I'm revisiting/revising a TT I did way back in 2008, because Judy Garland has been popping into my head a lot lately. I saw a photo of her taken near the end of her life and was shocked to realize that, when this was snapped, she was only 47. How did the Dorothy that we all know and love end up sick, old and dead before her time? I also did a "Fashion in Film Blogathon" post about Valley of the Dolls, one of the most delightfully wretched movies ever made. Garland's behavior had become so erratic by then that she was fired. How does a star of her magnitude find herself dismissed from that piece of crap?

This TT follows her life and career, taking us through the decades of divorces and drinking and drugging and smoking and suicide attempts ... as well as remembering the authentic, ferocious talent that makes her indelible. No less an expert on these things than Katharine Hepburn once declared that Judy was one of the most gifted individuals she'd ever met. Kids not even born yet will watch The Wizard of Oz and follow that yellow brick road with her. To borrow from Arthur Miller, attention must be paid.

1. She was a major star in MGM’s Golden Era. She made more than 25 films for the studio in just 14 years. She was still in her 20s when they fired her after too many sick days, late days, days when she wouldn’t/couldn’t leave her dressing room at all. After all, it’s called show BUSINESS, and Garland no longer was a good ROI.

2. In her MGM heyday, she was awarded a special Oscar. Unlike Haley Joel Osment and Abigail Breslin, among others, child stars in those days simply weren’t nominated for “competitive” Academy Awards. Instead they were given mini Oscars. Garland received hers in 1940 for her “Mickey-Judy” musicals and for the immortal Wizard of Oz.

3. Those teen musicals are still fun to watch today. Directed by Busby Berkeley, the big production numbers are amazing. Garland is unfailingly sincere, even spouting ridiculous dialog like, “Hi! I’m Betsey Booth. I sing!”

4. She put her indelible mark on classic songs in those silly movies. I Cried for You, I’m Nobody’s Baby, How About You, and But Not for Me. Once Judy sang these songs in her strong yet tremulous voice, they should have just been retired.

5. Her version of You Made Me Love You was initially an MGM novelty song. In Broadway Melody of 1938, a teen Judy sings this to a photo of MGM’s greatest star as she pens him a fan letter. It begins, “Dear Mr. Gable, I am writing this to you …” She sings with such aching sincerity, it could have been me warbling to Bobby Sherman or David Cassidy.

6. She worked with Vincente Minnelli on Meet Me in St. Louis. Together they created famous musical numbers like The Trolley Song and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. They later married and created Liza.

7. She helped launch Gene Kelley’s film career. He was a critically acclaimed Broadway performer, and Judy lobbied for him to be her costar love interest in his film debut: For Me and My Gal.

8. They also appeared together in my favorite Garland film, Summer Stock. It’s kinda dopey, actually. A Mickey-Judy/”Let’s do the show right here” musical with an adult cast. But it’s got great songs like If You Feel Like Singing, Sing! and the unforgettable Get Happy! Love her in that fedora.

9. The backstory makes that number even more interesting. Throughout the movie, Judy is … well … fat. It works for the story because she’s cast as the diligent sister who works the family farm and supports the glamorous, frivolous sister with show biz aspirations. Suddenly, in the iconic Get Happy! number, she’s sleek and svelte. Then, for the remainder of the film, she’s heavy again. As the story goes, after the film was shot, Garland was hospitalized for a time (there were definitely pills, most certainly booze and perhaps a suicide attempt involved) and during her convalescence she lost a ton of weight. While she was trying to get well and clean, MGM was editing Summer Stock and decided it needed another big number. So when Judy left the hospital, she was summoned back to the set to shoot Get Happy! It was the last number she successfully completed at the old Dream Factory.

10. After she left MGM, she began performing on stage. She needed money. She had fame, but no job. Instead of doing plays, she developed a one-woman musical show. It’s still available today as a 2-CD set, “Judy at Carnegie Hall.” If you’re curious to hear what all the fuss is about, take a listen.

11. Then there’s A Star Is Born. She acts, really acts, in this one. “Hi, everybody. This is Mrs. Norman Maine.” Gulp. Oh yeah, she sings, too. Most notably Swanee and The Man that Got Away. She was nominated for an Oscar for this performance. Groucho Marx referred to her loss that year as “the greatest robbery since Brink’s.”

12. Judgment at Nuremberg. Another Oscar nomination for her heart-wrenching courtroom scene. (NO! There’s no singing! This is Judgment at Nuremberg, not Springtime for Hitler!)

13. Her variety show on CBS featured some amazing duets. It didn’t last very long because the network couldn’t sustain high production costs (due to their star’s late days, sick days, etc.) and middling ratings. But the series gave us Judy singing with Liza, Peggy Lee, Lena Horne and best of all, an unbelievably young Streisand. Their duet of Happy Days Are Here Again and Get Happy! still leaves me with goosebumps. Streisand, barely out of her teens and at the beginning of her career, looks stronger and more self possessed than Judy, who keeps touching Babs as they sing. The veteran looks like she's getting support from the rookie. Watching this, you're not surprised that Streisand is the one who never went to rehab, or was multi-married, or went bankrupt. (BTW, on April 24, survivor Streisand celebrated her 71st birthday.)



Ok, so I left out most of the really lurid stuff. If you want to read about the sex and the drugs, there are plenty of biographies out there. Some are harrowing, some are really juicy, and all are entertaining. Even when Garland was at her worst, she was imaginative , funny and rather brave, so her life has attracted successful biographers like Gerald Frank and Anne Edwards. But her chaotic and self-destructive personal life can’t overwhelm her sumptuous body of work.

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I Want Wednesday

I want to always be this busy! Things have really been humming around here lately. Makes the days just zip by.

Party!

I admit it: I've had the blues lately. Which is why I was so happy to see my oldest friend over the weekend.

She exasperates me. She makes questionable decisions and doesn't accept responsibility. That's true. But she also loves me. She's smart and funny. And oh! How she makes me laugh!

She was in town for a convention. We met Saturday for drinks in the hotel bar, then we went to dinner, and had more (this time soft) drinks. In all we spent 8 hours together.  I laughed so hard I was hoarse.

We've known each other since Kindergarten. We've been friends since we bonded over our love of The Beatles after their appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. We have so much history, and she gets me.

I am grateful for her for showing up when I needed her.

Movie Liebster Award

Here's the familiar Liebster with a twist -- it's all about the movies. And how I love the movies! To thank you to Aubyn Eli at The Girl with the White Parasol for singling me out. I'm tearing into her questions with the enthusiasm I usually reserve for a good ribeye.



1. Olivia de Havilland or Joan Fontaine? Olivia, definitely. I don't know why, but Fontaine leaves me unimpressed.

2. What are your top 5 favorite movie scores? My Best Friend's Wedding, The Godfather, HELP!, Bonnie and Clyde, A Star Is Born (1954)

3. What film gets your vote for "most perfect casting?" The Godfather. It always amazes me anew how wonderfully made it is, including the bit players and extras. I don't like Keaton as Kay, but then, you wisely asked for the "most perfect casting," not entirely perfect casting.

4. Do you watch the Oscars? OF COURSE!

5. Mother's Day is next month. Name 5 of the most memorable movie mothers (note that I did not specify good or bad). M'Lynn in Steel Magnolias, Kate in One True Thing (reminds me of my own mother),  Aurora in Terms of Endearment, and naturally, Stella Dallas and Mommie Dearest

6. What is your favorite "comfort movie" for when you're feeling blue? Breakfast at Tiffany's

7. What is a movie star/director collaboration that you wish had happened but never did? Katharine Hepburn and Sydney Pollack. I believe he was the Cukor of his time, and she was the ultimate Cukor actress, wasn't she?

8. If you could choose any movie star, past or present, to star in the biopic of your life, who

would you choose? Garland. I believe that, when she was on her game, she could do anything, and that she could portray some of the more complicated areas of my life in a sympathetic light.


9. Name an author that deserves more film adaptations of their work. Doris Kearns Goodwin. Look how well Team of Rivals/Lincoln did, both artistically and commercially. I'd love to see her Roosevelt book -- No Ordinary Time -- on screen.

10. Do movie remakes make you cheer, shrug, or shudder? Depends on the remake. I prefer Heaven Can Wait to Here Comes Mr. Jordan. I'm curious about upcoming The Great Gatsby. But a lot of them do seem like a waste of time.

11. What is your favorite "so bad it's good" movie-watching experience? Valley of the Dolls!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Unlucky 13 Meme

1. On average, how long does it take you to get ready for work/school/a day or night out? Probably a little over an hour. Most of that is spent on letting my hair air dry. I don't like using the blow dryer.

2. If you could ask your favorite author one question about the book(s) they wrote, what would it be? I'd ask Doris Kearns Goodwin about The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys. I want to know what fascinating tidbits she found in her research that didn't make their way into the manuscript. (I know, I'm such a geek.)

3. What do you think is the hardest thing about growing up? Learning to be yourself, accepting who you are.


4. Who would you rather switch places with for a day: your favorite celebrity, or your favorite fictional character? Oh! What a cool question! I think my favorite fictional character. Jo March from Little Women lived in the 1860s. I think it would be fascinating for one day.


5. Who would you rather have point out a flaw that you weren't aware you had: a close personal friend, or a total stranger? A stranger. Then I could blow it off more easily.


 6. Do you get jealous easily? If so, what sorts of qualities or characteristics in other people are you most likely to be jealous of? I get jealous when I feel insecure in a love relationship, so it's not the kind of jealous that makes me wish I had someone else's traits.

7. Which version of yourself would you rather have a conversation with: the one from ten years ago, or the one you turn into ten years from now? The future. Definitely.

8. Were you ever bullied in any way as a child? If so, how has it shaped you today? My older sister bullied me often and my parents unfortunately let her get away with it. The result is that I sometimes feel very vulnerable.

9. What is one fear you would like to overcome in your lifetime? I hate flying. I'd like to get over that fear.

10. What is one food you haven't tried yet that you would like to? Nothing pops into my head. Sorry.


11. Is it easier to forgive someone for the wrong they've done you or to seek forgiveness from someone that you've wronged in any way? I'm not good at either one, but I suppose it's easier to ask forgiveness. I can carry a mean grudge.

 12. Let’s go random: What did you do for New Year’s Eve for the turn of the millennium? I was with my friends in Key West.

13. What else around here have you noticed? "Around here" would be home, and I guess I've noticed anew what an incredibly lazy housekeeper I am.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Don't Want to Talk About It

1) Crazy Sam is beyond sick of all things Kardashian! What's a topic you're just tired of and don't want to talk about anymore? The Twilight Saga. It seems every time I turn on one of my movie channels they are premiering another sequel or talking to another of the young hot vampires. That Kristin Stewart is especially annoying. Enough!

 
2) Rod Stewart has been recording for more than 40 years. Do you have any of his music on your iPod/mp3 player? "Maggie Mae," "Reason to Believe," "You Wear It Well," and "Stay With Me." He's become such a cartoon that it's easy to forget how good Roderick once was.

 
3) Rod Stewart is known for his coif. How much time do you spend on your hair each morning? About 10 minutes. Shampoo, condition, brush. I brush it alot during the day as a nervous habit

 
4) Rod's first child, a daughter, will turn 50 this year. His most recent child, also a daughter, is 2. How close in age are your children? If you don't have any children, how close in age are you and your siblings? If you don't have children OR siblings, well, tell us what's immediately to your left as you respond to this meme. If you don't have anything to your left ... Oh, hell, I give up! My older is sister is 17 months older than I am, my kid sister is 8 years younger.

 
5) Which do you prefer -- french toast or pancakes? French toast, please.

 

6) When was the last time you lost your cool? Don't let his sweet countenance fool you. My cat Reynaldo has elevated getting on my nerves to an art form.

 
7) Crazy Sam once had a pet hamster she named Bart. Have you ever cared for a hamster or a gerbil? Nope. Just cats, parakeets and a turtle.

 
8) Are you ticklish? Yup. My underarms.

 

9) Ouch! You have a headache! What's your go-to remedy? Ibuprofen

 

Hoot!

You Are an Owl

Like the owl, you are highly intuitive. You can trust your instincts above all else, and you listen to your inner guide. You can see what others don't or won't see. You see everyone for who they truly are, and that frightens them. You are a natural lie detector. You can see past masks and facades. No one can hide from you. You have a quiet and gentle wisdom. You don't go around bragging about how smart or wise you are. You are good at uncovering potential in yourself and others. You are a catalyst for positive growth and change. You have a lot of creative and dynamic energy. You are focused on all of the possibilities in life.

What's Your Spirit Animal?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself
 

Oh, break my heart!

I have spent so much time fixating on Suspect #2 (below) that I neglected to show props to the little boy who symbolizes what Monday cost us all.

That's Martin Richard. He was 8. Look at the gap tooth smile. Look at how he's mixed his capital and lower case letters. You know this little boy. He's as familiar and comfortable a little fella as Suspect #2 is strange and confusing.

And at left is a photo of the two of them as Martin's life ticks away. Circled are #2, Martin and the bomb. I have an overwhelming urge to reach into the shot and stop it from happening. Don't you wish you could just make it Monday morning again?

Krystle Campbell was 29 and loved her Nana very much. And now she's gone.

Lingzi Lu was just 23. This grad student was the pride of her family in China. And now she's gone.

Sean Collier was 26, a law enforcement officer on the job, a brother and a much loved member of his community. And now he's gone.

The world is a sadder and more confusing place.

Where is he?

THIS JUST IN! Captured before 8:00 PM (CST)

This is Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. "Suspect #2." The younger of the brothers suspected of carrying out Monday's bombing.

I have been staring at his face for about 24 hours now. The more I look at him, the more curious I become.

I'm still afraid of him. He's desperate and frightened and without his older brother to call the shots. I realize he's capable of anything. A dangerous, dangerous 19 year old with a penchant for firearms and explosives.

But I look in those eyes and I don't hate him. I see a kid who has somehow gone all wrong and can't possibly right it. Not anymore. Not after the body count that's been racked up.

How does an aimless, off balance kid like this become a terrorist who kills, who holds one of my favorite cities hostage? I'm obsessed and want to know how he became a murderer. I want him found before dark today before no one else gets hurt … and so I can get the rest of the story.

Thursday Thirteen #217

MY VALENTINE TO BOSTON

This week, we're all Bostonians. Here's my tribute to one of my favorite cities.


1) It was founded in 1630.


2) It has a rich heritage of education. In 1635, it became home to America's first free public school, Boston Latin.


3) Today it can claim more than 100 colleges and universities. That doesn't include the two most famous -- Harvard and MIT -- which are actually located across the river in Cambridge.

4) Boston Public Garden, designed by Frederick Olmstead, is America's first public garden. Nature lovers can enjoy literally hundreds of varieties of trees and flowers, and families enjoy the famous swan boats.

5) Right next to the Garden is the Boston Common. The Frog Pond provides relief from the summer heat and during the winter it's frozen for ice skating.

6) Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox, opened 100 years ago and is the MLB's oldest ball park and has an honored spot on United States' National Register of Historic Places. 

7) It's a terrifically easy city to navigate. Trust me, I have done it as a tourist with no problem at all. The MBTA (or "The T") carries more than 165,000,000 commuters annually.

8) Every year more than one million visitors see works by Monet, John Singer Sargent and Gaugin at Boston's famous Museum of Fine Arts.

9)  For more than 100 years, shoppers looked for deals at Filene's Basement, which was a Boston-born phenomenon. It got started, literally, in the basement of high-end Filene's Department Store and gave birth to the term, "bargain basement."

10) Newbury Street is 8 blocks of retail delight. You can find jewelry, clothes, books, art ... all in beautiful buildings from the late 1880s.

11) The TV show Cheers made Boston's bars famous. Today drink aficionados recommend the sophisticated Avery Bar at Ritz Carlton Boston Common for the best martini in town.

12) It's also home to the Boston Marathon, which has been held every year since April, 1897. And make no mistake -- there will be a Boston Marathon next year, too!

13) Governor Deval Patrick and Boston Mayor Tom Menino have announced the formation of The One Fund Boston to help the people most affected by the tragic events that occurred in Boston on April 15, 2013. It raised more than $6 million in just 24 hours. But that doesn't mean your donation wouldn't be most welcome.

LOVE YOU BOSTON!

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Much Ado about Nothing

The bombing in Boston upset me more than I anticipated it would, probably more than it should have. It's thrown me off my game emotionally and mentally, and it's kept me from blogging because these feelings are not something I want to examine.

Which means I never updated the summons story. I was served with my own summons on Saturday, and I spent the weekend worrying about nothing. It was, in my lawyer's words, "pro forma and expected." The mortgage company has to serve notice to all involved parties and, since my mother is gone, my sisters and I are the remaining involved parties. We have no personal liability. We need take no action.

In short ... YAWN!

I stopped by the lawyer's office Monday morning to drop the packet off and was delighted anew by how pleasant and good looking he is. He's not young, and it's interesting how the gray mixes with his blond hair. And I think it was freshly cut. Sigh.

So Monday I got comforting news from a handsome man, I moved into my new, solo (albeit short term) office, so I should have been happy, right? No, because right after my 2:00 meeting, I heard what happened in Boston.

I was actually kind of frightened to take the el home on Monday night because it runs over the Chicago River. Because if I was a terrorist trying to destroy Chicago, that's where I'd hit. I hate that my mind went there. 

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at  FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I don't accept what happened yesterday. Not Copley Square. Not Boston. No.

As a Chicagoan, I have always felt a great affinity for Boston. The neighborhoods, the public transportation, Fenway ... it's like a smaller, slightly more manageable version of home. Los Angeles feels alien to me, Manhattan intimidates me, but Boston welcomes me.

I have been on the verge of tears since I heard yesterday.

My only small comfort is that the "explosion" at the JFK Library was, in reality, a rather benign electrical fire.

Watching the news coverage this morning I see Bostonians driving and walking and riding their bikes, heading to work and getting on with their lives. You GO!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The "What's Your Story" Meme


1. What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten in public? I once had shark at the Taste of Chicago. I don't even remember how it tasted. I just recall feeling very brave for eating it.


2. If you had to go on an adventure, with elves, dwarves, or hobbits, who would you take and why? Elves, definitely. Elfin heroines always seem to have so much fun, from Snow White all the way to Zooey in the movie Elf.


3. You are at a rural retreat lodge somewhere deep in Wisconsin or Canada. You are approached by a taxidermist who hands you a stuffed badger and asks you to put it in your lap. What do you do next? Hightail it outta there before his mother can stab me to death in the shower. I've seen Psycho. I know all the signs.
 
4. If you were given biscotti, would you prefer it with coffee, tea, or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate.


5. In your opinion, who is the funniest man or woman alive today Stephen Colbert
 
6. If you were given thirty seconds on television to say something, what would it be? Let's celebrate lawmakers who reach across the aisle to get things done.
 
7. What is your idea of the most romantic date setting ever? I know it's old school, but I still like a movie and then dinner afterward to discuss it. You can learn so much about what one another that way.


8. If you could go on one date with a movie or television star, who would it be and why? Mark Harmon. Because he's Gibbs, my TV boyfriend. Because it took him until he

was in his late 50s to become a TV's highest paid star, so I'd like to hear about his journey. Because he very nearly went into advertising instead of acting. And because he knows Bruce Springsteen.


9. What is the worst song you have ever heard? This is a close call, because the 1970s gave us Barry Manilow. But #1 is the jaw-droppingly bad "Muskrat Love" by Captain and Tennille. Here's the official music video. Everyone involved with it MUST have been stoned. There is no other excuse or explanation. 



10. If you could live anywhere else, where would it be? If I had the money, I'd like to live a few miles north on Chicago's Gold Coast. Particularly the art deco Palmolive Building. I love its style and history. It was completed just before the Depression and has ties to men as diverse as Charles Lindbergh, Hugh Hefner and Vince Vaughn.



11. Who- in your opinion- was the greatest person to ever live? Jesus Christ

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: You Belong with Me

1) Like the girl in this song, have you ever been in love with someone, but was afraid to tell them? Yes. I'm glad I didn't tell him. Our timing was simply wrong, and sharing my secret would have complicated everything.

2) Taylor Swift has been known to write songs about her real-life lovers. If you were to write a song about the most recent person you were romantically involved with, what would the title be? "Thanks for the Memories." Oh wait! You mean it's already taken?

 
3) Ms. Swift recently turned 23 and has already won VMAs and AMAs and Grammys. What were you doing when you were 23? (If you aren't 23 yet, where do you see yourself when you hit it?) I was in love with the wrong man and working too hard to make it work.

4) When you were a child, did you sleep with a plush toy? (If yes, please include its

name in your answer.) My Lassie dog, who, before all our adventures and all my affection, looked much like this one. She's still in my bedroom closet. I could never part with her.

 
5) I'm making a Starbucks run. What can I get you? Tall hot chocolate, no whipped creme, and if you could add a dash of cinnamon I'd be especially grateful.

 
6) It was 60 years ago that Clarence Birdseye first marketed frozen vegetables. Now it's your turn: Share something you learned recently. North Korea only allows its citizens a certain selection of haircuts. No, really!
 

7) In junior high, were you class clown, teacher's pet, a geek, a jock ... or did you just melt into the background? My guess is that I melted.

8) Was your most recent ticket for parking illegally or was it a moving violation? I don't drive.

9) Tell us about the last museum you visited. All of Colonial Williamsburg is a museum, and it really appeals to the geek in me. My favorite building to tour is the Peyton Randolph House. 

This wasn't supposed to happen

My kid sister got served with a summons Friday night. We are being sued over my mother's house. This is what two (count 'em -- two!) lawyers told me was unlikely because we never signed anything related to her reverse mortgage. While we have no legal liability, it's a drag -- and an expensive one -- to be called into court like this.

Naturally this happened at 9:30 PM on a Friday night, when I can't get reach my lawyer. So I'm trying not to freak myself out. And I'm not successful.

The good news, such as it is, is that my kid sister was very pleasant throughout the call. This, after all the shit she put me through over the past month. I don't get it. Oh well. I can't fixate on it now.

Neither my older sister nor I have received our summons because the mortgage company never gave the process server our correct addresses. I imagine this will change, because they do actually have the addresses.

I am exhausted. But that doesn't mean I can sleep.

Who's the happiest girl in the whole USA?

That would be ME! For today is moving day at work. As of 5:30 today, I will no longer be sitting in this crazy overcrowded clown car of an office! Beginning Monday, and through July,* I'll be in my very own little office with walls and a door and ... best of all ... my very own 5-shelf cabinet!

I have lived alone since I got my own apartment at age 18. As a youngster I never shared a room with either of my sisters. I love my alone time. And this sharing an office with THREE OTHER PEOPLE has been very difficult, very taxing for me.

But beginning again Monday, I'll have my own space and easy access to my own files and I'm happy, happy, happy.

*As long as I still work here. One never knows around here these days.

Thursday Thirteen #216

AS TIME GOES BY ... 

Thirteen Changes You Can Expect With Age

According to the good people at WebMD, here are 13 things that will likely happen to each of us as we become senior citizens. No wonder my TT banner lady looks horrified!

1) Skin becomes less elastic and wrinkles more easily.
2) Nails grow more slowly.
3) The hair on your head gradually thins.
4) By age 80, it's normal to lose 2" in height.
5) You're likely to need reading glasses.
6) Night vision frequently loses its clarity.
7) You may not sleep as much, or as deeply, as you did when you were younger.
8) Bones get less dense, and therefore less strong.
9) You may have trouble recalling recent memories, as well as names and dates.
10) You may suffer a gradual decline in energy and/or endurance.
11) Your lungs become less efficient.
12) Kidneys decline in size and function.
13) High frequency sounds may be harder to hear.

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So what if it's Wednesday?

Tuesday Choices are here

(I'm only one day late)

1. Chinese takeaway or Indian takeaway?

Chinese. I've never really taken to Indian food. I admit it's my fault, not India's.

2. Daffodils or tulips?

Daffodils in a vase, tulips in a garden. Cut tulips don't last very long.

3. Pine furniture or mahogany furniture?

Pine. I like blonder woods.

4. Enid Blyton or A A Milne?

I'm sorry but I don't know Blyton, so Milne wins by default.

5. Apple or pear?

Apples.

6. Beer or cider?

Apple cider on cold evening, beer on hot days.

7. House or bungalow?

Bungalow. I'm like my cats -- I enjoy curling up in small spaces.

8. Hersheys chocolate or Cadburys chocolate?

9. Mountain or ocean?

Mountains.

10. Reality TV or soaps?

Soaps, I suppose. But I haven't watched either in many a season.

11. Nightie or pyjamas?

Nighshirt.

12. Vanilla coke or Cherry Coke?

Cherry Coke.

Rule #5

My TV Boyfriend

If you watch NCIS*, you know about Gibbs' rules. Leroy Jethro Gibbs is the Boss, a very special Special Agent, and he has 51 rules that he and his team live by.

My cousin Rose just began watching NCIS recently and recommended it to me in a letter. (She and I have been regularly putting pen to paper and sending one another snail mail letters since the late 1960s.) I told her I couldn't believe that she didn't know Mark Harmon is my TV boyfriend and that I am the lay priestess of all thing NCIS! Since then we have been writing one another notes that include decidedly fan girl elements as we gush about our show. Lately we've been discussing what guest role Robert Vaughn should play. We believe it's inevitable that he appear since David McCallum (Ilya to his Napoleon back in the Man from UNCLE days) is an NCIS regular.

Anyway, I digress. I just got a note from Rose yesterday and on the back of the envelope she invoked Rule #5: You don't waste good. Then she scrawled, "And you are GOOD, Gal!"

That touched my heart.

For now that mother and my uncle are gone, the one who has loved me the longest and most steadfastly is my cousin Rose. And as far as family goes, she, my late uncle and my Aunt Jo are the ones who have accepted and at times even admired me for all the qualities that left my nuclear family wringing their hands and shaking their heads.

While it's unrealistic for me to act as though the shit with my sisters isn't happening, I must also remember that Rose knows me, loves me, and thinks I'm GOOD!

*And if you don't, you should!

Hello. I'm Old.

Spa trips are good for reflection. The quiet time encourages me to turn inward, the alone time clarifies things for me in my own head and in my own spirit.

The spa treatments just naturally encourage reflection, too, of this shell I inhabit. You have to be honest with yourself about yourself in order to choose the right treatments and get the most from them.

And so I looked at myself at 55. And I find much to my surprise that my age has finally caught up with me.

It's not vanity to state that, until now, my physicality has not betrayed my age. I remember that when I met my best friend 9 years ago, he actually thought I was lying and adding years to my age. I know that 2 years ago, my friend John mentioned to me (unsolicited) that he thought I looked less lined and "less matronly" than other women of my vintage he knows.

I'm not sure anyone just meeting me today would be surprised that I'm 55. My hair still doesn't have much gray but it has become noticeably thinner. A few years ago, when I tried to grow it out, I got frustrated by how hard it was to manage, actually breaking a brush at the handle. That would not happen now. And I'm seeing more hair around the shower drain. I know this is completely natural -- it's estimated that more than half of us will experience it, and it's part of why long hair is not that popular with women over 40. (Length weighs thinning hair down.) I know that I could see my grandma's scalp on windy days. I'm going to the dermatologist later this month. I'll ask him about meds. Maybe it's time for Rogaine. Or maybe he'll recommend I return to my GP for a blood test. If this postmenopausal gal now has an elevated androgen level, it may be time for a drug like Finasteride.

Likewise, my eyebrows are getting sparse. Again, this is not unnatural. That's why God made eyebrow pencils. Time for me to start using one.

My gums are receding. Again, a normal part of aging. That's why the phrase "long in the tooth" was born. More than 57% of women will lose at least one tooth after menopause.

My lips are thinning. I just read recently that one of God's cruel jokes on us women that as our hips get plumper, our lips get thinner and damn, if that's not true! I wouldn't care about this so much except for the prominent mole on my lip line. I always thought of it as a beauty mark, but now I think it accentuates my thinning lips. Another thing to discuss with the dermatologist.

Oh yeah, and I'm still fat. My metabolism has slowed. I have little or no energy, which means I don't move as much as I should. I've got to own this and do something about it -- not only for my appearance but for my health.

I hope this didn't sound too depressing, because I'm not depressed. I'm 55. I'm not very gray yet and I'm pretty unlined. I know I'm lazy as all get out, but I project an image of energy. My voice still sounds young. So it's not all bad.

It's just that if I find myself in the job market again at this age, I have to be honest with myself about how I look and what I can do about it.

And what I just have to accept. After all, Betty White doesn't look like Jennifer Lawrence. Looking older as we age is natural.

And I don't even like the Stones!

My kid sister -- who hurt me badly and more than once over the past 30 days -- recently posted on FB that she really wants to give her husband tickets to see the Rolling Stones at the United Center this May, but after waiting online for hours, the only seats available on Ticketmaster were $1,245 ea. Without even thinking, I responded that she should go to StubHub. American Express cardholders who aren't really fans always take advantage of the presale for events like this and then resell their tickets for a profit. A few minutes later, my niece endorsed my idea, saying seats were $270 ea. on there. (They're even cheaper now -- such are the ways of StubHub.)

My helping her seemed to matter a great deal to my sister. The tone of her emails about our mother's final affairs softened considerably. But I did it reflexively. I don't really like the Rolling Stones and right now I certainly don't like my sister. I'm scrolling down FB, someone needs information or help, I can give it, consider it done. No big deal. And yet, under the circumstances, to my kid sister it was.

I've known her since before she was born, and yet she doesn't know me at all.

While I'm glad that she no longer feels we are at war, it doesn't make me like her any better.

This has changed me.

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but since my mother died I have come to grasp something that my shrink used to tell me -- my nuclear family never did not see me as I am, nor did it ever appreciate me as I am. Looked at through their funhouse prism, I am the one who is too different, too edgy, too unconventional. Compared to what? Compared to them.

This is something my shrink has tried to tell me for years, but I just now get it. I'm 55, and I just now get it: Just because someone says something about me doesn't make it true.

Thank you, Ladies

I'm feeling better today. I trust that I'll feel better every day. Time and faith heal.

And I want to thank my readers for your wisdom and support. You have each made me feel less alone, and I appreciate it more than I can say.

Sad, sad, sad and not sleeping

First I let my kid sister's tantrum ruin my Easter and cast a pall over my vacation. And now it continues.

I had wanted to take care of my mother's grave marker myself. I didn't care how it looked. I didn't care what it said. But I wanted to pay for it myself. I have always spent a portion of my tax refund on my mother. I wanted to do it one last time. My way of saying a final goodbye. I explained this to my sister.

It came up because she had $600 in her checking account that people gave us as gifts at our mother's service and $1000 in cash from the estate sale. She was upset about the checking account because she was afraid FAFSA would ding my niece for it and reduce the federal aid. I told her that, since she is the one who would visit our mother's grave the most, she should choose the headstone and use the $600 as a downpayment. The government could not possibly question the funds then -- not if the check was made out to funeral home. Then I'd pay the balance.

Instead she went and took care of it all herself. Paid the entire $1300 out of the $1600 in her possession. When I asked her (via email) why she did this, she responded that I could just handle the bookkeeping any way I wished. Meaning that I can take the money I had intended to spend on my mom and put it toward final legal fees. Or perhaps, I guess, that dumpster.

It was a petty, crappy thing to do. And it hurt me.

I feel alone and old and sad. What happens to all my "stuff" when I die? My sisters resent and hate me. I don't know why, exactly. The only comfort is that they resent and hate one another, too.

My niece is 20. I know she loves me, and I should do a better job of keeping up with her. But she's young. I don't want her to feel overwhelmed or trapped in a tug of war between her mother and me.

I'm sad, sad, sad today.

AND IT'S OPENING DAY AT WRIGLEY FIELD! Not fair.