Monday Movie Meme

This week's movie topic is all about Walking Out...

Meaning movies I either walked out of, or wished I had. I've listed them by how violently the mere mention of the title makes me shudder.

The Piano. Harvey Keitel naked. Naked with tattoos on his face that look like they were drawn with a Bic Ballpoint. Holly Hunter mute for no rational reason, heaping so much responsibility on her daughter that the poor little girl was in nearly every scene (but she did get an Oscar for her pains).

The Legend of Bagger Vance. Who knew a movie with Will Smith and Matt Damon could be a snooze? I didn't hate this movie. I was just desperately disappointed and so, sooooo bored.

The Matrix. Too convoluted to follow, too noisy to sleep through.

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Dreaming of Don

Last night, my oldest friend and I celebrated Mad Men's gazillion Emmy nominations by watching several episodes from the Season 2 DVD. We ate thin crust pizza, chugged Coke, and laughed a lot.

I could rhapsodize about how good this show is, because it is. The writing ... the attention to period detail ... how well it reveals some timeless truths about advertising, and therefore American culture. I could talk about how eerily incidents on the show reflect things that have happened in my own career. (Some day I must share the story about how my "big break" was a result of my boss' being out of the office on family leave, and how conflicted I felt about benefiting from his absence.)

All that would be true.

But most of our enjoyment came from drooling over Don Draper. I've known my friend since the first grade, and over all those years we have sighed and swooned together over an amazing collection of men: from the Beatles to the Monkees to the Men from UNCLE to ball players (both foot and base) to Johnny Depp and Jon Hamm (aka Don Draper). Today life hasn't afforded either of us the smoothest ride. Giggling with a good friend over a great looking guy ... Trust me, it's a time-tested escape.

They're Back!

The Cubs are playing the Nationals in Washington. Hello, Boys! Welcome back to the diamond and let's kick some second half ass. (Yes, their first game back from the All-Star break was last night, but I wasn't home last night -- doctor's appt. -- and I missed it.)

I accept that into each life a little rain must fall. But does it have to fall on me during the All-Star break? Anything is easier to face if I can escape it for 9 innings, curled up on the couch, watching my Cubs.

He is a puzzlement

My uncle, that is. I love him very much, but he's a difficult old coot. He's also battling Parkinson's. While the disease has taken a terrible toll on his body and spirit, it's not to blame for his "difficult old coot" status. I remember fondly when he was a difficult young coot.

He's always been moody -- great fun one moment, sharp tongued the next. He can also be a terrible snob, owing to the fact that he's a self-made millionaire. He doesn't mean to be a snob. It's just that he's justifiably proud of his accomplishments and unfortunately defines himself by his bank book.

He's also the one who bought me my first Beatle record (Love Me Do/PS I Love You) and hid my Easter gift under the floormat of his 1964 Mustang and, upon returning from Viet Nam, allowed me to present him to my third grade class for "show and tell." When I was a little girl, he held me upside down and tickled me. When I was a young woman, he helped me establish my credit rating by taking me out to get a stereo and explaining how the payment plan worked -- and the impact screwing it up could have on me for decades to come. There's no amount of "difficult" that he can send my way now that can possibly wash away what he's meant to me in the past.

So I put more thought into his holiday gifts than I do for anyone else's. He's very hard to buy for because (1) he can buy anything he wants himself and (2) the Parkinson's Disease has made it hard for him to enjoy many of the pleasures we take for granted, like reading or watching movies.

I am happy to report that I have happened on the perfect gift for him. In his name I am going to donate money and wish-list items to Operation Shoebox. This group puts shoeboxes together and sends them to soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. They accept donations of everything from Twizzlers and puzzle books to foot powder and socks and pass them along to those who fight in our behalf. (It is no secret to those who read this blog that I have never been a big supporter of the war in Iraq, but that does not diminish my support for those who enlisted and go wherever the Commander in Chief sends them.)

I know this seems very early, but I know it takes weeks for mail to reach soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq. When you consider the time it will take for Operation Shoebox to put the gift packages together, I'm really not that early. (OK, I am. But this will be fun.) I'm happy to both do something helpful and patriotic, and accomplish something in my uncle's name that he couldn't do for himself anymore. If this can encourage a correspondence between him and a soldier, all the better!



This photo is a Life Magazine shot of a soldier during WWII, opening a present from home. It bothers me that only one of the three has a gift. So my uncle and I are going to do our small part to make sure more soldiers have something from home Christmas 09.

Thursday Thirteen #116 -- The "thank you very much" edition

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT ELVIS' 1968 COMEBACK SPECIAL

I am the least spontaneous person on the face of the earth. I always must have a plan. I have been in therapy long enough to know that having a plan is simply my way of maintaining the illusion of control and order in a chaotic world. Whatever. It's how I roll.

So when I found out about IT (an abnormality on my annual mammogram) I started to fixate, obsess, and awfulize. My oldest friend, who knows me well, knew I was tormenting myself with worry and offered to have my follow-up mammogram scheduled lightening fast at the hospital where she works (less than 24 hours). There were calls back and forth to my doctor and the hospital that did the original mammogram and it turned out it wasn't going to be as easy as I originally thought. I'd have to somehow get the films of my 7/3 mammogram from "my" hospital and get them to "her" hospital. Not a big deal, but I wasn't sure how this was going to happen. And I didn't want to think about IT anymore. I wanted a plan. I wanted to impose order on a situation that's really out of my control.

So I made an appointment at "my hospital" to have the follow-up done. Next week. I know it may not make sense that waiting a week actually chilled me out a bit, but there you go. I'm a Gal Who Loves a Plan, and now I have one.

Wondering how we get from a mammogram to Elvis?

On the way home from work last night, I put my iPod on Shuffle and just happened to hear "Lawdy Miss Clawdy" from Elvis' 1968 Comeback Special.

It made me smile. For the first time since I started freaking out about IT last Saturday, I was truly enjoying something. The King managed to take my mind off IT, the All-Star break (God, I miss my Cubs), my mother's health and her financial woes ...

Elvis rode the train home with me yesterday, and I'm listening to him again today. In the soundtrack to the Comeback Special, he's in fine voice and it's a great distillation of everything that made him so cool, that made him The King of Rock and Roll.

1) The special originally aired on December 3, 1968. I had just turned 11 and still thought Elvis was hideously passe. It's just as well I didn't watch it then -- it would have been like putting pearls before swine.

2) It was called Elvis and the soundtrack was titled NBC-TV Special. It's become known as the 1968 Comeback Special by the public because it re-energized Elvis' career.

3) The show had a single sponsor, Singer Sewing Machines. They expected to fund a conventional Christmas special. While Elvis does sing "Blue Christmas," this special is far from typical holiday fare.

4) The show has some big production numbers. They're very stylized and tell the story of a "Guitar Man" who makes his way to Hollywood. My favorite section is when Elvis performs his gospel set ("Where Could I Go But to the Lord?" and "Saved" are real, vibrant, and sexy.)

5) The censors cut one production number. Elvis performed a song called "Let Yourself Go" in a bordello, but it didn't air. (I told you this wasn't a conventional Christmas special.)

6) There was a fantastic concert segment, too. Elvis hadn't performed live in years, preoccupied as he was making crap movies in Hollywood, so this was daring for him personally.

7) It was just Elvis and 5 musicians he knew very well. Just guitars, drums and a tambourine. This stripped-down approach was innovative for the time, and is considered the forerunner for MTV's Unplugged.

8) Elvis and the boys just jammed before a studio audience. What viewers at home saw on that December night was edited from four one-hour live shows performed in the round one night in the previous June.

9) The telecast closed with Elvis performing "If I Can Dream." There he is, about to sing it, wearing a white suit and standing before his name in big red letters. Remember, this was 1968, the year of assassination and protest. Elvis shows he's still relevant, he knows what's been going on outside Graceland, in the streets of America. If I can dream of better land where all my brothers walk hand in hand, tell me why, oh why, can't my dream come true.

10) Col. Tom Parker wasn't thrilled. Upon seeing the finished special, his first comment was, "Where's my Christmas music?"

11) In those long-ago days of just three networks, the show got a very high rating. An estimated 42% of the TVs that were on that night were tuned to Elvis.

12) Elvis was paid $250,000 for the special. Adjusted for inflation, that would be over $1,000,000 today.

13) More important, it achieved Elvis' goal -- to show that he still "had it." He could still command an audience. Dopey Hollywood movies hadn't blunted his ability to rock. From here he went on to play Vegas, tour all over the country, and make terrific records like "Suspicious Minds" and "Burning Love."

Best of all, hearing it snapped me out of my funk. And so I say to Elvis what he said to audiences time and time again: "Thank you. Thank you very much."

To participate yourself, or to look up more TT participants,
visit the new hub (thursday-13.com).

The Queen's Meme

Done by royal decree.

1. You are in court. You are in deep doo-doo. What did you do? Looting and rioting after the Cubs win the World Series. If Laker fans can do it after their team won their 15th championship, Cubs fans sure as shit should. We've been waiting a CENTURY! I'm going for a new car.

2. Your blog just became a best-selling book . What is the title of your book? The Thing of It Is ...

3. It is midnight. The phone rings. It is Michael Jackson calling from the Great Beyond. What would you like to ask him? Why didn't you give Sir Paul his songs back?

4. You are having your future told. The fortune teller looks in the crystal ball, screams and leaves the room in fright. What did they see? Me as Crazy Old Cat Lady, wearing a red hat and sipping a Cosmo while surrounded by dozens of felines.

5. You're blogging along minding your own blusiness (that's blog + oh...you know) when Google unexpectedly puts a Objectionable Content Warning on your blog. Your own mother is afraid to enter! What, pray tell, did you do to warrant it? How did this happen? Do you think you deserve it? Just how objectionable are you? Do tell. There's nothing wrong with my blog! Damn that vast Right Wing Conspiracy! They got to Google, too!

6. You suddenly become God Of The Universe. What would your first Commandment be? Quality of life for all.

7. And finally, what secret would you like to tell the Queen? I often listen to David Cassidy & the Partridge Family: The Definitive Collection. Hey! It's digitally remixed so I can fully appreciate the artistry of Danny Bonaduce's bass playing and the majesty or Susan Dey on piano.

How I spent my evening

I have devoted more than 2.5 hours to mastering my new phone (the LG Rumor). I have charged it and activated it and programmed my numbers into it. I am promised Internet service with this phone, too, but I just can't deal with this right now. I'm not especially tech savvy and this LG User Guide is literally more than 220 pages long!

5 mm

That's the size of the lump in my left breast. Because it's so deep in the tissue and irregularly shaped, the radiologist wants to take another look at it. My doctor says 5 mm is very small and he warned me not to "freak out," that it's most likely benign. I'm stopping at his office tomorrow to pick up my prescription for a diagnostic mammogram.

I've mentioned all of this to my best friend, who tells me not to worry -- that his wife has had to have follow-up mammograms twice and that they both turned out to be nothing. (He also says he fully expects me to worry anyway.)

I told my oldest friend all of this, too. She's going to try to get me in this week at the hospital where she works so I won't have this hanging over my head for weeks and weeks (first for the follow up appointment, then for the results).

I'm still scared. And there's NO CUBS BASEBALL tonight!

For the future chef

Beginning next week, my 16-year-old niece will be embarking on quite the summer adventure. First she is going to "culinary camp" at Kendall College here in the city. In addition to learning from the pros, she will take advantage of much that Chicago has to offer, including theater and fine dining and an architecture tour up and down the River. This is the part I'm most excited about, since my sister and brother-in-law seldom venture down here, and what's the point of living 20 minutes away from a world-class city if you don't ever visit it? For my niece, it's an opportunity to get an idea of what life may be like for her if she attends Kendall -- and a chance to spend a week with Lisa, one of her best friends.

The following week, my niece will take off for Wisconsin, to a small town outside Fon du Lac. There's a resort up there that my family has been going to every year since I was a kid. Because our two families go back so far, the owners of the resort have agreed to let my niece work there for about a month. She'll be helping the chef in the kitchen, waiting tables, filling in at the beach stand and, when needed, cleaning cabins. She's eager to do this because it will give her a glimpse of what day-to-day life will be like in her proposed career. Plus she'll earn a salary and tips that she can sock away into her college fund.

I'm excited for her, and a little sad. I was never this driven, nor did I have a career selected, when I was her age, so I think this is great. But I'm nostalgic because she's no longer the little girl who spent her summer on her bike and lived for the Harry Potter movie premieres. I miss that little girl.

But, to celebrate the future chef she's become, I got her this tote bag. I had a store credit from Zappos so it didn't really cost me anything. And if my niece is going to be living out of bags for the next month or so, one of them should be new and hers exclusively.

Yes, I'm just staring at the phone

It's almost 11:00 and my doctor still hasn't called me back to discuss IT.

Of course, it is Monday. He has two days of messages to return. I'm sure he has to confer with the radiologist, and who knows what his schedule is. I realize it's not very reasonable to expect a call within the first 2 hours of his day.

But I want one!

And damn, wouldn't you know my main client contact (the one who reviews my work and requests next steps) is taking a long weekend and won't be back until Wednesday. This means I won't be swamped with glorious work to take my mind off of IT. Because of the All-Star break, there's no Cub game, either.

I'm looking at a postcard given to me by my friend in Key West: "I WILL NOT OBSESS. I WILL NOT OBSESS. I WILL NOT OBSESS." Let's see if I can live by that.

Looooooooou! Looooooooou!

I love Lou Piniella. Not since Leo Durocher managed the Cubs when I was a kid has a manager so captivated me. (Though Leo scared me, and I think "Sweet Lou" is completely adorable.)

The Cubs are down by two runs in the 9th, the bases are loaded and there are no outs ... and yet Lou hasn't given up and won't give in. He pulled the damnedest move tonight -- bringing Sean Marshall (a left-handed relief pitcher) in to pitch to one Cardinal, then using Marshall to replace Soriano in the outfield so he can bring in another reliever but still put Marshall back on the mound as need be. Never seen anything like it.

But then, that's Lou.

His wacky maneuver got the Cubs out of the top of 9th inning without giving up any more runs. He's also re-energized the Wrigley Field faithful and screwed with the Cardinals' heads. He's spent his life in the MLB, and it shows.

The ONE Meme

Respond to these questions with ONE WORD answers:

Where is your cell phone? Purse

Your significant other? MIA

Your hair? Short

Your mother? Trenna

Your father? Bill

Your favorite thing? Critters

Your dream last night? Storm

Your favorite drink? Coke

Your dream/goal? Happy

What room are you in? Livingroom

Your hobby? Cubs

Your fear? Health

Where do you want to be in 6 years ? Here

Where were you last night? Here

Something that you aren't? Thin

Muffins? Corn

Wish list item? Pennant

Last thing you did? Workout

What are you wearing? Shorts

TV? Sylvania

Friends? Wonderful Your life? Independent

Your mood? Hopeful

Missing someone? Yes

Drinking? Coke

Smoking? Never

Your car? Metra

Something you're not wearing? Socks

Your favorite store? Carson's

Your favorite color? Blue

When is the last time you cried? Marley

Where do you go to over and over? Office

My favorite place to eat? Ada's

Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? Spa

If you play along, let me know so I can compare our answers.

Thank you, Ladies!

I got 7 of the loveliest, most positive comments from sister bloggers yesterday. I appreciate their kindess so much! It's wonderful to feel that there's a pink wall of support for me in the blogosphere.

Between 1% and 6%

I was so happy this morning. I dropped a bag of pasta, condiments, soups and some toiletries off at the food pantry. Usually seeing so many people there would give me the blues, but today the long line made me feel like I was really making a difference in my community. (I've heard donations are down.) Then I read and had a decent little coffee shop breakfast, followed by a trip to the bank and an eye exam. (Yes, my eyes are worse, but the prescription is different enough that I was able to get funky new glasses.) Then I got home and IT was in my maibox.

After reviewing the mammogram you had on 7/3/09, our radiologist requested that you return for additional studies for a complete evaluation. Most such findings are benign (not cancerous). A report for your mammography results were sent to your physician, whom you should call to discuss this matter further ....

I'm scared.

My doctor won't be in until Monday, so there really isn't anything I can do about this. I looked up follow-up mammography and found that the odds are overwhelmingly in my favor -- between 1% and 6% of findings turn out to be malignant (depending on which study you're looking at). That means between 94% and 99% turn out to be benign.

But I'm still scared.

I'm trying not to obsess.

She's enchanting

Abigail Breslin as Olive Hoover. Little Miss Sunshine is on the USA Network this morning and I'm enjoying it (again) thoroughly.

I've seen her in other movies since Little Miss Sunshine and she's always very good. But there's something so perfect about her as Olive and the way she responds to all the absurdity around her. She's so sweet and confused as she tries to figure out who she is and what her place is in the world -- and in this family.

At The Movies

I have seen two movies in the past week and enjoyed them both.

THE PROPOSAL. It's fluff. It aims low but it hits its mark. It's fun to watch the Sandra Bullock character evolve, and Ryan Reynolds is a cutie. The supporting cast is full of highly capable pros (including Betty White). There isn't a single plot twist we don't see coming from a million miles away, but that's OK. Anticipating the romance is half the fun.

PUBLIC ENEMIES. I enjoyed it enormously. Johnny Depp inhabits the character of Dillinger, and he looks very, very good as he does it. It's less successful than The Proposal because it tries to do soooo much more. It's about Dillinger's relationship with his beautiful "black bird," Billie. It's about Dillinger going mano a mano against Melvin Purvis. It's about Purvis making peace with his role in J. Edgar Hoover's FBI. It's about Dillinger finding his place in a criminal world run more and more by organized crime ... Unfortunately, none of those stories is very well fleshed out. So while I appreciated how well made it is, and was intrigued by the stories, I wish it had tried to do less and achieved its goals (like The Proposal does).

The Knives Are Out

The Cubs lost to the Cardinals. That's always bad news. First of all, because all right-thinking Northsiders hate losing to our rivals from the other side of the state line. Secondly because, since the Cards are in our division, it's as though these games count double.

As fans, we're frustrated. This is, on paper, a very solid team. Yet on the field, they just can't seem to get together, to play cohesively, and WIN consistently. The pitching is solid but the hitting is spotty, then the bats come alive but the fielding sucks, then the defense is tight but the base running is stupid ...

The scapegoat for everything that's gone wrong seems to be Alfonso Soriano. His bat is lukewarm and he's only seems able to hit when the bases are empty. He's been losing balls in the outfield. All this is true. But it's true of just about everybody except Theriot and Lee.

But it's Soriano that seems especially annoying to the fans. The papers and sports radio shows reflect this. I feel bad for Fonzie. I believe he's trying ... perhaps even too hard, maybe that's why he's choking.

Here's hoping he can turn it around. There's still (a little more than) half a season left. Anything can happen ... including vindication for Soriano.

Now, from the brighter side of life ...

I am good at this job.

My opposite number, the other ACD here, presented our concepts to the client yesterday. Two were his and two were mine. He came in this morning to tell me that the only comments our clients made were regarding my two concepts: how great the first one was, and how they liked the second one but it was too copy heavy. (Me? Blabby? Can you imagine such a thing?) The client was polite, of course, but they didn't even consider his.

He then told me that he's 0-09. I hadn't thought about it that way till he mentioned it, but every time the client has had a choice this year, they have always chosen my concepts.

It was classy of him to point it out. And his timing was perfect. Because it makes me happy to honestly say, "I am good at this job."

There are more creative writers out there -- I admit that readily. But I am faster than most and, even better, I more attuned to the marketing goal of my work than many other writers.

So yes, I am good at this job.

Hi. I'm an idiot.

It's the end of my workday. No one MADE me do this. It's the kind of thing only a real dunce would do:

I googled an old boyfriend. Found a photo of him ... and his wife ... celebrating their 8th wedding anniversary. The photo was taken by their 4-year-old son.

I never really loved him. When I think back on our relationship (and, to be honest, I don't do it often), I'm not even sure we liked each other. I suspect we were just highly compatible sexually, he was lonely, and I was ruled by Baby Lust.

So why did I look him up? Bored, I guess. Why did this send me into an emotional tailspin? Because at times I wish I'd had a more conventional life. Not with him, necessarily, but with someone I really loved, someone I could nurture and protect, just as he would nurture and protect me, in an uncaring world. (That's the way Time magazine recently described marriage and I thought it was lovely.)

But, as Elizabeth Edwards discusses in her wonderful book Resilience, we have to be in the present and live the life we have NOW. That perfect life we remember probably wasn't that perfect and besides, it's gone … and it's stupid to waste today by longing for yesterday or "what might have been."

So I will take off my dunce cap, dust myself off, and head for home and try to appreciate the blessings in the life I have.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #115 -- Why Believe in Yesterday?

THIRTEEN SINGERS WHO COVERED
THE MOST RECORDED SONG OF ALL TIME

Almost every time you hear about Michael Jackson's estate, someone mentions that he owned The Beatles Catalog, and that it's worth mucho dinero. That the rites to the Lads' music are highly profitable isn't surprising. After all, Beatles albums have been selling consistently for 45 years now. Cirque du Soleil's LOVE and recent the Across the Universe film generated new interest in the Beatles … and new income, as well. Every time you're on hold and you hear "Michelle," whenever a high school band plays "With a Little Help from my Friends," somewhere a cash register rings.

And most of all, there's "Yesterday." According to The Guiness Book of World Records, this Paul McCartney composition has been recorded and re-recorded more times and by more artists than any other pop song in modern history. The most up to date tally I could find is 1,600.

To give you an idea of the song's popularity across every demographic, here are 13 of the artists who have recorded "Yesterday."

Chet Atkins
Boyz II Men
James Brown
Ray Charles
Perry Como
Placido Domingo
Marvin Gaye
Tom Jones
Gladys Knight and the Pips
Elvis Presley
Smokey Robinson
Diana Ross & the Supremes
Frank Sinatra

To participate yourself, or to look up more TT participants,
visit the new hub (thursday-13.com).

I'm trying not to be embarrassed

A woman I used to work with -- a sweet, generous girl -- had her first baby last weekend. I got an excited email, along with some photos, from her husband.

I wanted to send her something because she's that kind of person: You WANT to celebrate her happy times. This isn't a professional obligation, she's genuinely that nice. While farting about on the Internet, I found that she's registered at Toys 'R Us. However her baby registry was pretty picked over by the time her baby arrived.

I decided to send a $25 Toys 'R Us gift card and a "Welcome, Baby!" greeting card instead. Then I had a nice long, talk with myself. I really can't afford $25.

My friend John's birthday celebration is this Friday. I gave my niece money to help her buy cell phone minutes before she goes off to culinary summer camp at a nearby university. Last month I paid for everything when my nephew and I went to Springfield. Not that long ago I bought graduation gifts for another friend's children. Unforeseen things will undoubtedly come up. I have to start economizing.

So I sent the new mom a $15 Toys 'R Us gift card and a "Welcome, Baby!" greeting card. Somehow the $15 card looks significantly cheaper.

I am being silly. The new mom is such a nice woman, I know that she will be happy that so many people thought of her, and she won't waste her time monetizing the birth of her first child. I can be such an ass at times.

Goin' Home

We were very busy today here at the old advertising plantation, and it's been fun to be so productive. On days like this -- when it's all about the work and not about the agency politics, when we're all pulling the cart in the same direction -- that I remember how much I enjoy this job.

I ate lunch at my desk (with the Jacksons and few million others) and didn't work out. Hope I have the energy to haul ass over the health club tonight. That's the only downside to being busy: this old gray mare gets tired.

This is so weird

I'm sitting here, eating a healthy lunch of egg salad and fruit, and watching live coverage of Michael Jackson's memorial service. Right here at my desk, through my Mac Book, I'm receiving the live feed from Los Angeles' Staple Center. This mixture of pop culture, technology, and spectacle is just too bizarre.

I hope that, after this massive extravaganza, somehow he can rest in peace.

It's a pretty day and I am happy

That is all.

The self-serving comparisons can end now

Fans of Gov. Palin's like to liken her to Sec. of State Hillary Clinton, eager to seduce Clinton loyalists to the right with the assumption, I guess, that any woman running for office is the same as any other.

Forget how different their points of view are on everything from a woman's right to choose to the role of government and the value of diplomacy. Ignore the differences in their educations and resumes. Just concentrate on how they handle controversy.

Hillary Clinton doesn't complain about Amy Poehler's impersonation of her on SNL.

As First Lady of Arkansas, First Lady of the United States, Senator from New York, and candidate for President of the United States herself, rumors have dogged her. For example:

• She's a lesbian

• Her marriage is a sham (either because she's a lesbian or because she's frigid)

• Her marriage is physically abusive -- either because she frequently hits her philandering husband or her husband punishes his "uppity" wife by raping her

• Her husband's beloved mother thought she was ugly and couldn't believe Bill "settled" for her

• She is paranoid and keeps an "enemies list," a la Richard Nixon's

• Hillary Clinton had an ongoing affair with White House Counsel Vince Foster, and his inability to protect the then-First Lady from legal problems drove him to suicide

• Hillary Clinton had a brief affair with Vince Foster years earlier, when they were both partners at the Rose Law Firm, and she had him murdered to keep him silent

• She encouraged her brothers to "sell" pardons as her husband was leaving office

I'm tired. I realize I have only scratched the surface,
but this is so tawdry I can't go on.

Yet somehow, Hillary Rodham Clinton has managed to survive the "superficial, wasteful political bloodsport" Governor Palin is now fleeing.

I didn't support Hillary Clinton in the primaries but admire the way she has conducted herself since Denver last year.

I find little about Governor Sarah Palin to admire. (OK, I think it's great the way Palin insists on keeping her glasses and not opting for contacts or Lasik.)

A Salute to the Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth

It was 70 years ago today that Lou Gehrig moved from being a Yankee hero to being a Great American Hero. Crippled by disease, his stellar career cut cruelly short, he displayed heartbreaking grace and courage as he said goodbye to public life at the age of 36.

"Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans.

"When the New York Giants, a team you would give your right arm to beat, and vice versa, sends you a gift - that's something. When everybody down to the groundskeepers and those boys in white coats remember you with trophies - that's something. When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that's something. When you have a father and a mother who work all their lives so you can have an education and build your body - it's a blessing. When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed - that's the finest I know.

"So I close in saying that I may have had a tough break, but I have an awful lot to live for."

He was dead two years later.

For more than 50 years, Lou Gehrig held the record for homeruns by a first baseman.* Before he became ill, he had played in 2,130 consecutive games, earning him the name "The Iron Horse." To show how insidious ALS is, during those 2,130 games he suffered more than a dozen fractures in hands. Broken bones couldn't stop him, but ALS did. Still, he felt he had "an awful lot to live for."

Lou Gehrig was the first major league ballplayer to ever have his jersey (Yankees #4) retired. It's easy to argue that no one has ever deserved it more.

70 years later, ALS is still incurable, still costing citizens their lives. Today, as we celebrate what's best about America, I don't think it would be inappropriate to honor Lou Gehrig with a contribution to The ALS Association. Because with courage, talent, sportsmanship and grace, Lou Gehrig personified the best of us. Reread his words, and I'm sure you'll agree. (Don't assume that you can't afford to really make a difference; in this rough economy, charities have been hit hard and any donation is most welcome.)

*Rumor has it that, if it weren't for steroids, that record would still stand.

Oh, Madame Governor, we noticed

Fourth of July is typically a slow news holiday. Traditionally everyone is concentrating on baseball (Gal raises her hand) or barbecues or the beach. This year we can add the ongoing Michael Jackson death investigation/funeral arrangements to the mix. It's not uncommon, then, for politicians to do a news dump: announce things that they don't want to receive too much attention, trusting it will be old news by Monday.

Sarah Palin announced today that she's not only not running for re-election, she's stepping down as Governor of Alaska in two weeks -- BEFORE her first term is even done. She gave no tangible reason for this.

I hope none of her children are ill or in trouble. I also hope she will now disappear from the national scene because she really annoys me.

As do the Milwaukee Brewers, who fell to the Cubs in the 10th! (Exciting game.) Diprivan was found in Michael Jackson's home, and it's generally found in ORs. I admit I've been following both those stories closely on my day off.

But Governor Palin, we all caught this, too.

And me without a piece of paper!

Today I had my annual mammogram. I hate my annual mammogram. Yes, I know it's necessary. It's also uncomfortable and always leaves me feeling anxious. Because, like most women, I really fear breast cancer.

The neighborhood hospital right here in town has one of the best facilities available. Since I value quality in this above all else, that's where I continue to go. Even though their long-time tech, Linda, is unpleasant. She's all hard edges, bossy, and smells faintly of cigarettes (not something you want to smell when being screened for cancer).

Maybe Linda was out today for a long July 4th holiday. Maybe she finally retired. But today, for the first time, my tech was Lucille. She made all the difference in the world.

She was focused and explained everything she was doing as she did it. When she needed another shot of my right breast, she took the time to tell me exactly why it was necessary. The film looked a little darker than the others. The doctors needs her to deliver films that are as consistent with last year's as possible so they can accurately compare 2009 to 2008. It was not, she assured me, because she detected something suspicious about my right breast.

It's important to note that she shared all this without me asking.

I was sooo relieved! On my way to the dressing room, I noticed a suggestion box. After I changed back into my street clothes, I wanted to write a valentine to Lucille and slip it into the box. No paper. Not in my humongous purse, not near the suggestion box. So I used the bottom of a list I was going to bring to the drug store. I hope that the hospital takes my praise for Lucille seriously, in spite of how it was delivered.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #115 -- In Memory

I generally don't repeat posts. But #83 just cries out to be rerun! Here's to a remarkable pitchman. As one who works in advertising, whose job is to make people buy stuff, I must laud his prowess.

Thirteen Products
Sold by Billy Mays

He begins all of his many, many TV commercials by announcing/shouting, “Billy Mays here!” My immediate response has always been, “So what?” But since I unintentionally spend more time with this leather-lunged pitchman than I do with members of my family, I decided to do a little research on him. (Thank you, Wikipedia.)

His full name is William D. Mays. He was born in 1958 in McKees Rocks, PA. His birth sign is Cancer. He lives with his wife, Candace, in Odessa Florida. Their home is rumored to be worth $1.8 million.

Billy began his career a salesperson in Atlantic City, selling the “Washmatik” to passersby on the Boardwalk. His big break came when he met Max Appel, the founder of Orange Glo, in the 1993. Max hired Billy to sell their cleaning products on The Home Shopping Network. Today he is the CEO and major star of Mays Productions, Inc.

Here are 13 of the products he has promoted on TV:

1) Awesome Auger
2) The Bedazzler
3) Bloomin’ Onion Maker
4) Fixit Car Scratch Remover
5) Foodsaver
6) Hercules Wall Hook
7) Kaboom!
8) Lint-B-Gone
9) Oxi Clean
10) Never Scrub
11) Swiffer Sweeper Cleaner
12) Zorbeez
13) Mighty Putty (the only one I’ve ever purchased)

To participate yourself, or to look up
more TT participants,
visit the new hub (thursday-13.com).

A fabulous time-waster meme

Honest, Kwizgiver, I didn't steal this meme! I visited your blog, the gate was open, and it followed me home!

STEP ONE:
Spell your name with songs.

"Got to be There" - Michael Jackson
"A" by Barenaked Ladies
"Live or Let Die" - Paul McCartney & Wings


STEP TWO:

Name: The Gal Herself
Birthday: November 22
Nickname: None currently, though my friend Chad coins new ones whenever he talks to me (most recent: Chiquita)
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Reddish brown (or is it reddish blonde?)
Zodiac Sign: Sag

STEP THREE:

The shoes you wore today: My uber comfortable Roxies
Your weaknesses: Purses and books
Your fear(s): Air travel, squirrels, clowns
Your perfect pizza: Thin crust, with sausage
Goal you’d like to achieve: Declutter my life (same as Kwizgiver's)

STEP FOUR:

Your best physical feature: My dimples
Your bedtime: Whenever
Most missed memory: My grandpa

STEP FIVE:
This Or That…

Pepsi or Coke: Classic Coke (we accept no substitute)
McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald’s
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I hate, loathe, despise and abominate ice tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: are the only drinks I hate, loathe, despise and abominate more than ice

STEP SIX:
Do You…

Smoke? No
Curse? Fuck yes!
Sing? Only when I'm alone
Dance? Badly
Take a shower everyday? Unless I need to shave my legs -- I do that in the bath
Have a crush? Have you seen Johnny Depp in Dillinger garb? Yum!
Think you’ve been in love? Yes
Want to go to college? Not now
Like(d) high school? No. It's in a league with coffee.
Want to get married? Not especially
Get motion sickness? No
Think you’re attractive? Not really
Think you’re a health freak? No
Get along with your parents? Yes

STEP SEVEN:
In the past month, have you…

Gone to the mall? Yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos? No
Eaten sushi? No
Been on stage? No
Gone skating? No
Made homemade cookies? No
Gone skinny-dipping? No
Stolen anything? No
(I'm extremely dull, aren't I?)

STEP EIGHT:
Ever…

Played a game that required removal of clothing? No
Flashed anyone? No
Been beaten up? Yes
Shoplifted? No

STEP NINE:

Age you hope to be married: Dunno
Number of children: At my age, even one would put me in The National Inquirer
Describe your dream wedding: Private. In fact, I may not even show up.
Which country would you most like to visit? England

STEP TEN:
In the opposite sex…

Best eye color: Brown
Best hair color: Brown
Short hair or long hair: Doesn't matter as long as it's shiny and looks like it would smell good
Height: Taller than me -- which almost every man is

STEP ELEVEN:

Number of people I could trust with my life: 4
Number of CDs that I own: Maybe 100. I truly don't know.
Number of tattoos: None
Number of piercings: Two, one in each ear

PERSONAL QUIZ:

Whom were you with yesterday? My dermatologist
What woke you up this morning? My alarm
Where are you? My desk (Is it quitting time yet?)
Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Yes! We get out early for the holiday!
Do you like anybody? Yes

THE PAST

Ever thrown up in public? Yes
Passed out because of alcohol? Yes
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW? The 4th of July holiday weekend

THE FUTURE

What kind of home would you like? I like my home -- only neater and repainted
What do you want to be when you grow up? Taller and thinner!
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Happier

IN GENERAL

Do you like candy necklaces? No
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? Someone keeps moving my doorways and making them narrower, so I always bump into them.
Do you listen to music every day? Yes
Do you still go trick or treating? No
What was the last thing you ate? Pizza for lunch (FREE pizza for lunch from the conference room upstairs)
Are you a fast typer? Yes
What’s your favorite type of soda? Classic Coke
Have you ever moved? Yes
Have you ever won an award? I won a Clio. I am very, very proud of that.
Are you listening to music right now? Yes. Stevie Wonder.
How long ’till your birthday? 4 1/2 months
When were you the saddest in your whole life? 11/2/04. First I found out my beloved cat Billy was terminally ill, and then Senator Kerry's Presidential campaign didn't quite work out as we planned. (I was a campaign worker)
What time is it? 4:30-ish PM
Do you use eBay to buy or sell? Yes, both
Who makes you mad? Bullies
Have you ever heard a song written about you? No
Something you want to happen in 2009? Lose weight
Summer 2009? Watch as many Cubs victories as possible
Do you miss 2008? Not especially

HONESTY SECTION

Honestly, what color is your underwear? White cotton.
Honestly, what’s on your mind? The 4th of July holiday weekend
Honestly, what are you doing right now? Killing time before I can go home
Honestly, have you done something bad today? Skipped my workout at lunchtime
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? One of my account executives
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? Stupidity and selfishness (Leftover from Kwizgiver's original meme, but it's still good)
Honestly, do you bite your nails? When I'm bored
Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? No
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? Yes
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now? My own or someone else's?
Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? Yes
Honestly, are you in denial? Probably. Though if I knew I was in denial, would I really be in denial?
Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? Yes
Honestly, does anyone like you? Yes

ANGER SECTION

What do you do when you’re mad? Speak progressively faster and louder
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said something mean I'm not even sure I meant. I'm still ashamed of myself.
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes
Do you swear when you’re mad? Fuck, yes!

CRYING SECTION

When was the last time you actually cried? The end of the movie, Marley & Me. ("Goodbye, Clearance Puppy.")
Ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes
Do certain songs make you cry? "Save the Best for Last" by Vanessa Williams. It reminds me of how I felt during a relationship that I really had high hopes for.
What usually makes you cry? Movies like Marley & Me.

HAPPY SECTION

Are you usually a happy person? Yes
What makes you the happiest? People I love (including fur people)
Do you believe in yourself? Depends on what I'm doing
When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? Yes

If you choose to tackle this Monster Meme,
let me know so we can compare answers.

My bud's back

My best friend has been strangely quiet lately, way "too busy" to talk or even exchange emails. This worried me, because he's usually one of the most communicative men I know. He'll talk about health, his family, his career, his childhood, his anxieties, his happy moments ... Only one thing is off limits: his marriage. I think that's completely appropriate. Never having been married myself I'm uncomfortable hearing about it, plus his wife deserves that confidentiality. The thing of it is, though, they have been having problems over the last two years or so. As a child of divorce himself, and with his family struggling with matrimony in general a lot lately (his father just split with Wife 2, his sister-in-law separated from her hubby), this weighs particularly heavily on him. So I've been worried about him.

Selfishly, I missed him.

Last night after 9:00 or so, he reemerged and reconnected via email. Naturally he wanted to say he was glad that my mole and I won't have to part company for at least another month. (See below) And then he wanted to talk about her. Farrah. The dream girl of his junior high school days. It made him sad that she suffered so at the end.

I'm glad to have him back. Even more, I'm glad he was comfortable discussing this with me. I guess he knows that, as a lifelong Paul Girl, I would understand.

And the mole stays in the picture

No, not him. The one on my face.

Saw the dermatologist this afternoon. He's almost 100% sure that nothing serious is going on with the mole. His guess is that it's abraded, and that the migraine meds I took acted as blood thinners, which exacerbated the bleeding.

He's not thrilled with how it's healing, but feels that's more likely because I continue to irritate it. So he gave me some salve to wear overnight (in case I touch it in my sleep) and in the shower (in case I scrub too hard when I wash my face) and wants to see it again next month.

But he's sure I'm fine.

Yea! Hooray!

Kids and money

I've been thinking about my nephew's behavior during our recent getaway together to Springfield. He was very thoughtful about my money. Before he replied to the waitress about a refill on his milk, he looked to me. When he used my cellphone to call home, he always proudly announced he got "the entire call done in less than 9 minutes!" It's important to note that I never mentioned the cost of anything regarding this trip, except that he'd have to use his allowance for souvenirs.

He's 9. I'm wondering if his awareness of money and his thoughtfulness about not squandering is good manners to be applauded, or perhaps his father's recent periods of unemployment have made him worrisome about matters that he shouldn't yet be bothered with.

Welcome to a select group, Carlos!

I love the Cubs. Sometimes I love the individual players so much that I don't care if they win or lose. I forgive a middling performance on the field if it looks like a player is doing his best. I would never, ever boo a Cub.

In short, I am every Cub player's dream fan.

And yet, the warmest emotion I can muster for Carlos Zambrano is antipathy.

He stunk up the Cell yesterday. OK, whatever. Some days even the best pitcher just doesn't have his stuff. That I can forgive.

I cannot forgive beaning two White Sox players and throwing a wild pitch. Just a month after he earned a suspension for throwing a tantrum when a call didn't go his way.

This is the man who has not only beaten up the Gatorade cooler and broken bats over his knee, he slugged his own catcher a few years back. Aside from showing appalling sportsmanship, he could have hurt himself with any one of those childish displays.

Carlos is a diva who is not about the team, he is about Carlos.

He has now entered the exclusive pantheon of Cubs I really dislike. In fact, today Zambrano is very close to surpassing Todd Hundley for sole possession of second place. However, it's doubtful he will ever even tie Dave Kingman. God, I hated that guy ...

But I digress.

Please, Lou, please ... Someone needs to kick Zambrano's ass and you're wearing the cleats that can do it.

Aaargh!

My best friend remains completely incommunicado, except to tell me he is too busy to talk. I do not believe him. No one is busy 24/7.

He did this about this time two summers ago, and I was miserable with worry. I recognize there are some issues in his life (specifically, his marriage) that he's not comfortable discussing with me. That's not only his right, I think it's best. I don't belong in his marriage and hearing about it makes me uneasy so my responses would, quite possibly, be insensitive and flip. Last time it took him a couple months to re-emerge and I was lonely and miserable. I'm trying not to let that happen again.

But I am worried about him and I miss him so. I wish he would just tell me what's up -- topline, no details required. It would be easier for me to be understanding if I understood.