August Happiness Challenge – Day 22

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Today's happiness: My Chief Global Strategist. I had my regularly scheduled check in with my "wealth manager."* It was short (30 minutes) and straightforward, as everything is going as expected – at least as well as we can anticipate anything in Trump's chaotic world. Who knows what he'll do that might rock the markets, just to distract conversation from The Big Beautiful Bill and, of course, Epstein? So, while I was happy to hear where my retirement funds are invested (tech, energy, financial services), I was eager to ask how these decisions are made.

 

Seems that my local guy has two weekly calls. The first is with his supervisor, right here in Chicagoland, who oversees the portfolios like mine. The second is a Zoom call with the bank's Chief Global Strategist. He is legitimately one of nation's premier investment strategists. I saw him on CNBC not that long ago, weighing in Jay Powell's decision to keep interest rates where they are. 

 

Look at me, having a top flight financial team! 

 

I am so glad I got professional help managing my portfolio. Nobody is expert at everything, and I admit I don't know much about investing. I worry so much less now, and less worry makes me happy. 

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 *That still cracks me up. If I were a wealthy woman, would I be working at a card shop for $16/hour?

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

August Happiness Challenge – Day 21

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Today's happiness: TCM. I had a lazy day. Not much to show for it. Watched baseball, went to one bank for the condo association's business and another bank for my own, dropped off a bag of canned goods at the food pantry ... It was a fine day, weatherwise, so I was happy to be outdoors for much of it. BUT there's so much I should do indoors. My home is such a mess and I can be so lazy.

 

Yesterday was Jimmy Cagney Day on TCM Summer Under the Stars. I scrolled through my DVR and found I'd recorded Love Me or Leave Me. I love that movie. I know it so well and have seen it so many times. I had it on in the background as I really washed the kitchen floor. Usually I vacuum and Swiffer it. Not today. With Cagney and Doris Day to amuse me, I was inspired to get on my hands and knees and scrub it first with Mr. Clean, then rinse it with white vinegar. I love how it looks and feels under my bare feet.

 

I know me. If I hadn't spent this evening scrubbing the floor, I would have felt I'd wasted the day. But right now I feel good. So I'm grateful I have TCM to be my spur, my amusement. For giving me movies that I have come to know so well that they are like old friends and make me so happy.*

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 *Which is not to say Love Me or Leave Me is a happy movie. It's about a very toxic relationship. But it's so real and well done!

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

 

Thursday Thirteen #425

Farewell to a friend. With the last episode of And Just Like That, Sarah Jessica Parker is hanging up her stilettos and saying farewell to her famous alter ego, Carrie Bradshaw. I've seen every SJP iteration of Carrie,* which includes six seasons of Sex and the City, two movies, and now three seasons of And Just Like That. While I really couldn't stand AJLT, I stuck with it because I'm so fond of Carrie. And so, I devote this TT to my imaginary friend.

1. She was born Caroline Marie Bradshaw. My guess for her year of birth is 1965, same as SJP. 

2. We never learn where Carrie was from,* we just know it was a small town. Only a small town girl could fall in love with the city like Carrie did. (I know. I love Chicago like she loves NYC.)  

3. New York is so central to Carrie that two different companies offer Sex and City site tours. 

4. When we first meet Carrie, she writes a weekly column for a New York paper called "Sex and the City." It becomes so popular that her column is advertised on the side of a bus. She parlays her following and augments her salary by occasionally writing for Vogue.

5. When, at Vogue, she is asked by a colleague about her childhood, she confesses her father abandoned her and her mom when she was 5 years old. I think that explains so much about her relationships with men.

6. Collections of her columns were published in book form. The first one was optioned for a movie to star Matthew McConaughey (who played himself in the Hollywood episode), yet no film was ever made. I liked that, because it happens all the time.

7. When she smokes, she smokes Marlboro Lights. She has quit smoking several times throughout the series.

8. At the beginning of the show, she often ordered cosmopolitans – and for that I will forever be grateful because they are delicious. She drank less and less as the seasons wore on, as we tend to when we move from our 30s to our 40s and beyond. 

9. Her passion has always been fashion. While she is drawn to designers (the show made Manolo Blahnik a household name), she is proud of her thrift finds. 

10. She does not wear scrunchies. (IYKYK.)

11. Her best friends were Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha. I loved how involved they were in one another's lives. As her lover-then-husband said, "You girls are the loves of her life. Any guy would be lucky to come in fourth." 

12. Which doesn't mean she couldn't be self centered. One of the things I loved about the (original) series is that Carrie could be very human in her failings. (Like when she seemed to expect Charlotte to loan her money, or when she sent her boyfriend to Miranda's apartment in response to Miranda call for help.) 

13. In season 4, she put a name to my evenings: SSB (Secret Single Behavior). SSB is what we enjoy doing when we're home alone and confident no one is watching. Carrie liked to take sleeve after sleeve of saltines, spread jelly on each cracker, and eat them while standing in her kitchen, reading Vogue. Charlotte confessed to examining her pores in a magnifying mirror, Miranda slathered lotion on her hands, put gloves on, and watched The Home Shopping Network. I will not tell you mine. 

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

 

 *There was a prequel called The Carrie Diaries, but I haven't seen it.

August Happiness Challenge – Day 20

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Today's happiness: A good day at work.

•  First I helped a man choose a card for his 49th wedding anniversary ("You Are the One Decision I've Never Second Guessed"). How sweet is that! Then ...

•  I showed her a young woman my favorite pen and told her I used it to write campaign postcards. "Gotta save Democracy," I smiled. She opened her bag and took out a copy of The Bill of Rights! 20-something and she carries the Bill of Rights in her purse. She gave me hope.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? JFK Jr.: An Intimate Oral Biography by RoseMarie Terenzio and Liz McNeil. Terenzio – John's personal assistant – teamed up with People magazine correspondent McNeil to collect and edit reminiscences from people who knew him throughout his life. While the book was done with Caroline Kennedy's knowledge, it does not benefit from her participation. Maybe that's just as well. We're encountering John and his singular life the way his classmates and coworkers did.

 

As I write this post, I just finished Collegiate School with John. He spent the school year in NYC and holidays at the Kennedy compound at Hyannis or on the Christina, Aristotle Onassis' luxury yacht, in Greece. While terms like "compound" and "yacht" were not bandied about by my friends growing up, it was not unusual among his classmates. He went to school with Manhattan's elite, the children of movie stars and Broadway glitterati, network executives and captains of industry. 

 

Instead it was his ridiculous level of fame that defined him and made him stand out. Take, for example, fire drills. Every schools has them, right? At Collegiate, all the kids, including John, practiced filing out of the building. But every once in a while, during a drill, Secret Service agents would pull John out of line and spirit him away in a car. His classmates understood that, on those days, the fire drill was really the response to a bomb threat or assassination attempt aimed at John. Your whole school evacuated because of you! I can't imagine how isolating, how embarrassing, that must be for a boy between the ages of 8 and 13. I think only Princes William and Harry could relate to this. 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Contents Under Pressure by Edna Buchanan. Reporter Britt Montero works the crime beat on a major Miami newspaper. She's really good at her job, and uncovers one of the city's biggest stories when a retired football player and local hero dies after a run-in with the police. D. Wayne Hudson was black, the cops were white and Cuban. There are charges of police brutality and a high-profile trial with dangerous ramifications. 

It's an interestingly crafted book. I enjoyed going along with Britt as she peeled back the layers of cover up and corruption. When what happened to D. Wayne goes to the courts, I was about 75% done. The pace slowed and I very nearly DNF'd the book. I mean, all these pages just to cover off on Britt's love life? Yawn. Anyway, I'm glad I didn't. There's a sudden plot twist and some genuinely harrowing shit goes down. I admit it: Edna Buchanan shocked me.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

  

 

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 19

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Today's happiness: BOTH games of the double header! My Cubs took two from the Milwaukee Brewers, the best team in baseball. Their All Star Break slump has ended in style, and I'm going to sleep happy.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

Working it through

Are you as sick of reading about my grief as I am of feeling it? I spent some time discussing it with my shrink today and she thinks I'm doing as well as can be expected, and my impatience is a good thing – it means I'm inching my way through it. She warned me, though, about "toxic positivity." That I shouldn't work too hard to put a good face on my feelings, because that's not real and it won't help my healing.

One thing that's helped me get a grip on the grief is putting it in perspective, examining the "why" behind it. It's bothered me that my mourning for Henry and John has been greater than my grief over losing my mom. Somehow that doesn't seem right, does it? I mean, they were my dearest friends but she was my mother. What did this say about me?

Nothing. It says nothing.

Part of what got me through losing my mom was having Henry and John. Henry met my mother and they got along so well. John had already lost his own mother and knew just what to say. 

And they weren't just my friends, they were the brothers I chose. If my mom was here today, she'd help me through losing Henry and John. But she's not. 

So I don't have Henry. I don't have John. I don't have my mom and my oldest friend is too chaotic and absorbed with her own stuff to be any help. I'm facing this with no ballast. So of course I'm struggling.

Understanding this helps.  

Now I just want the pain to be over already!

August Happiness Challenge – Day 18

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Today's happiness: No alarm. I had absolutely nothing on my calendar for Monday except movie group at 6:30 PM. It felt so luxurious to just roll over and go back to sleep.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 17

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Today's happiness: Texting with my nephew. He was on vacation with his parents last week, so we only communicated on the big things: Cubs catcher Miguel Amaya's injury and his meeting his niece, Violet, for the first time. But today was his first day back home and back to his regular schedule and and so we resumed contact throughout the day. I'm happy he's so willing to chat with an old fart like me.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

Sunday Stealing

The 2x4 Meme

TWO foods you can't stand

1. Sushi

2. Anything spicy

FOUR foods you love

1. Pizza (deep dish, thin crust – I'm easy)

2. Barbecue (beef, chicken or pork – I'm easy)

3. Crab Rangoon

4. Potatoes (baked, fried, mashed – I'm easy)

TWO places you never want to see again 

1. The little lake in Wisconsin my family visited every year when I was kid. The three hour drive with my dad was always tense and unpleasant. Once we got up there, I was bored and lonely. Reliving those vacations gives me PTSD. 

2. I don't have another one

FOUR places you'd like to revisit

1. New York City

2. Memphis

3. Hot Springs, AR

4. Hollywood, for the TCM Classic Film Festival (and I plan to return in 2026)

TWO musical artists who make you want to change the station 

1. Barry Manilow

2. Madonna

FOUR musical artists you love to listen to

1. The Beatles

2. Bruce Springsteen

3. Barbra Streisand

4. Elvis

TWO moments you'd like to erase

1. Seeing Anthony Rizzo injured in a collision at first base with Fernando Tatis. He got a concussion and, though we didn't know it at the time, it hastened an early end to his career. He is forever my captain and he deserved better, from baseball and from life.

2. January 6, 2021. Everyone involved in that shameful day at the Capitol and the pardons that followed should be ashamed of himself. (Though shame is in short supply in this administration.)

FOUR moments you'd like to relive

1. The day back in 2004 when I realized I was in love. I was on my way home and I couldn't wait to call him and thank him for reminding me to bring my umbrella. I thought, "Wow, just connecting with him over the smallest thing fills me with such anticipation – I guess I'm in love." The idea filled me with wonder.

2. The first time my cat Roy Hobbs got into bed with me to snuggle. He'd been abused and it took him a little while to trust humans again.

3. Seeing Sir Paul from my awesome seat on Wrigley Field. When I got my fantabulous ticket, I was thrilled that I would be that close to my favorite Beatle. When I got to the park and was ushered onto the field, it washed over me that I wasn't far from where the great Greg Maddux actually pitched and it was almost too much happiness.

4. Speaking of the Cubs ... Anthony Rizzo making the final out of the 2016 World Series. I lived to see something my grandparents, my dad, and my uncle missed: The Cubs as World Series champions. At this moment I felt very close to all my clan of Cub fans who had gone before.

  

 

Nevertheless I'm happy

During the TCM Classic Film Festival, we wear our passes on lanyards around our necks. It's become custom to add pins of our favorite movies and stars to the lanyard. In April, while Will from my movie group and I were waiting in line for another movie, we compared notes about our movie going the day before, I rather enthusiastically described Suddenly, Last Summer, starring Elizabeth Taylor and directed by Joseph Mankiewicz. One of the people in line near us, a stranger, enjoyed my retelling so much she leaned across the rope to give me another pin for my lanyard: Elizabeth as Cleopatra. 1963's Cleopatra was also directed by Mankiewicz. I was happy to get the pin, Will was amused that I had entertained our fellow movie fans.

Fast forward from April to August. Cleopatra is having a moment. TCM has made it the subject of this season's The Plot Thickens podcast and tonight, Chicago's Music Box Theater just showed all 245 epic minutes on the big screen.

I was in the stylist's chair this morning when Will reached out to me, inviting me to go with him tonight. His initial invitation consisted of this photo. Every movie fan, every baby boomer, knows it:

 

I declined his invite because I woke up this morning with a disrupted gut. I was worried about making it through a 4 hour movie and then dinner and a train ride home, and stress only makes the situation worse. Yet I feel good about the whole thing. Will fondly remembered that moment in line at the film festival and wants to hang with me. That's important to me. 

I know "diversity" is suddenly a dirty word, but I like it in my life. While I hang with lots of classic movie fans, they're all women. Will is a closeted gay Republican.* He's also a regular church goer.† I truly don't have anyone else like him in my life. Knowing him makes me stronger and makes life better.

I hope he'll continue to reach out to socialize. I want all kinds of people, all kinds of energy in my life.

  

 *Here in Cook County, Republican raises more eyebrows than gay.

†We've talked religion on occasion but steer clear of politics. 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 16

 

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Today's happiness: I sang the song. After every Cubs home win, fans are encouraged to "sing the song."  Unfortunately, since the All Star Break, we haven't been given the opportunity to raise our voices. Going into today's game, my guys have lost 6 of the last 9 games. (Gulp!)

 

Today, my heroes finally reigned victorious! Connie Cat and I witnessed it from my sofa, and I'm grateful she didn't run away when I started to sing. 

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Colors of the Wind (1995)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

This month we're going to recall Summer Songs. These will all be records that topped the charts during August.

1) Number 1 on the charts in August 30 years ago, "Colors of the Wind" is from the Disney hit, Pocahontas. Have you seen it? Nope.

2) This song celebrates the glories of nature. Have you spent much time outdoors this summer? If yes, what have you enjoyed doing? I usually enjoy taking long walks in the sunshine, but not this year. Too many days that were 90º or higher in the afternoon. That's just too much heat for this old gal.

3) Lyricist Stephen Schwartz said he was inspired by the works of Chief Seattle, Henry David Thoreau, and Ralph Waldo Emerson. Who is your favorite author? William Goldman, best known his novel and screenplay for The Princess Bride. I also love Nora Ephron.

4) This week's artist, Vanessa Williams, came to national attention as Miss America 1984. In the talent competition she sang "Happy Days Are Here Again." Over the years, contestants have sung, recited original poetry, danced, twirled batons, performed gymnastics and demonstrated martial arts. Which of your talents would wow the judges? Ha! I suppose if forced to, I could effectively perform a monologue. But I truly cannot imagine what would land me in this situation.

5) Her family tree includes William A. Fields, who served in the Tennessee House of Representatives in the late 19th century. Are you interested in genealogy? Nope.

6) Vanessa supports the non-profit Dress for Success, which helps unemployed and underemployed women prepare with career coaching, networking and professional attire. Have you ever gone into a job interview found yourself unprepared? Or, if you prefer, tell us about an interview you confidently aced. I knew I had my current job at the card shop before I even interviewed. The store manager was that impressed by the letter I wrote, promoting myself the way I'd sold countless other products during 40+ years in advertising. I may not have had experience as a counter girl, but I know how to write sales copy. It's a skill that came in handy when I wanted this job.

Let's look at the summer of 1995.

7) 1995's best-selling new car was the Ford Taurus. That summer, dealers were promoting a 6.9% APR loan or $1,500 cash back with purchase. This summer, drivers with good credit might get a better deal because the average APR for new car loans is a little lower. Do you keep your eye on fluctuating interest rates? Not closely. I'm aware that our President wants the Fed to do his bidding and understand how dangerous that would be. But, since I'm not looking for a mortgage or an auto loan, I'm not up on the APRs.

8) English yachtswoman Lisa Clayton made history by sailing solo around the world. It took her 10 months. Would you be comfortable spending months and months alone? Yes. Probably too comfortable.

9) Legendary New York Yankee Mickey Mantle died in 1995. How is your baseball team doing this season? Oh, it's been like two seasons. Before the All-Star break, my Cubs were unstoppable! Since the break, we've slipped to second place. I knew in April we weren't a World Series team, but was seduced by false hope. Now the bats are cold and they have to grind for each run. Oh well, if being a Cub fan were easy, everyone would be one. 

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 15

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Today's happiness: The new girl. We have a couple new managers at the card shop and I was on the floor today while one of them was being trained. She is achingly young (under 25) but so sweet and eager. In physicality and work ethic, she reminds me a bit of my niece at that age. The day went by quickly with all that positive energy.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 14

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Today's happiness: Little things. Today was filled with moments of pleasure.

1) The book I'm reading (Contents Under Pressure) had a plot twist that I truly didn't see coming 

2) TCM's The Plot Thickens podcast dropped a new episode

3) I stopped at the card shop on my way to Target and guess what: THE A/C IS FIXED! 

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

 

 

Thursday Thirteen #424

The "I love Elvis" edition. The older I get, the more I appreciate The King. When I was a kid, I thought he was a joke. I dismissed him as an irrelevant, overweight man who would bump and grind like a stripper to the delight of his aging audience.

 

I was an ass. 

 

I realize now he was an artist, an icon and a cultural force. He was also high camp and an American tragedy.

 

The inspiration for this post was my friend Patty, who told me her favorite summer memory was a family road trip to St. Louis when she was 10. Elvis had just died, and the clear channel AM radio station ("WLS, The Big 89") played all Elvis/all the time in tribute. The windows were rolled down and her parents were singing along. She and her older brother knew a few songs well enough to join in. 

 

So this week, as we observe the 48th anniversary of his death, I give you the 13 most enduringly popular Elvis songs.*

1. Can't Help Falling in Love (1961)

2. Jailhouse Rock (1957)

3. Hound Dog (1956)

4. Don't Be Cruel (1956)

5. Heartbreak Hotel (1956)

6. Love Me Tender (1956)

7. Are You Lonesome Tonight? (1960)

8. Return to Sender (1962)

9. Suspicious Minds (1969)

10. In the Ghetto (1969)

11. Burning Love (1972)

12. How Great Thou Art (1967)

13. You're the Devil in Disguise (1963)

*As compiled by Forbes. My favorite, "Kentucky Rain," isn't here. I love his voice and the way he interprets the lyrics, which could be maudlin, but aren't in his hands.

 

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 13

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Today's happiness: Supporting small businesses. Target, Walgreens and Whole Foods. Those are the three stores where I spend most of my time and my money. They have everything I need and, luckily, they are nearby. When it's 90º day after day after day, having them right here has been a godsend.

 

But I've felt bad that I haven't been supporting the independent businesses that give my community its personality. So late this afternoon, when the mercury finally dipped a bit, I hauled ass to the other side of town. About a mile from me is a mom'n'pop grocery with a great deli counter (hello, potato salad!) and canned vegetables on sale for 88¢ (corn for the food pantry). On the other side of the street is an ice cream parlor that employs a ton of students over the summer. I was happy to not only order a root beer float but to tip big because these kids are so adorable and will need the money when they go back to college next week. 

 

The weather, the connection to my community, those sweet kids ... It all made me happy. 

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

I won't always feel this way

That's what my shrink tells me. She went to doctor school and has never lied to me before, so I trust her. 

But it really doesn't help me all that much in the moment. 

Here's the thing: Everyone who doesn't have fur annoys me. Elaine is humorless. Betty is vain. Nancy is whiny. Joanna is pretentious. Considering that these are my friends, I know the problem is me and not them. I'm afraid that I'm morphing into my father, a joyless man who was angry all the time.  

No, she said. I haven't permanently soured on life. I'm just grieving. I miss John and Henry. 

But it's been a year! I got through birthdays and Christmas and New Year's without them. I don't cry in the shower anymore. I am able to remember the good times with them before the bad. Doesn't that mean I've healed?

No, she said. It means I'm healing. 

When I'm alone with my cats, I'm fine. It's when I'm around people – usually women I actually like very much – that things go south. I get grumpy and annoyed. I know my reaction is disproportionate, so I have to rein myself in. (I mean, last Monday I nearly stuck my tongue out at Betty!) Masking my feelings leaves me exhausted on top of being irritated. Makes me want to just stay home and commune with the critters.

"These women remind you that you're lonely," she said. At first I didn't get it. After all, I'm not lonely when I'm alone.

But it makes sense. I want these (comparatively) new relationships to replace the decades-long friendships I lost last year. They don't. They can't. And so I ache.

I have to maintain my commitment to socialize. Tempting as it is to stay home and cuddle the cats, it's not good for me to be alone that much. I can get too deep inside my own head and that's just not healthy. 

I didn't expect the grief to be so tenacious. I lost my mom more than a decade ago and that was shocking and painful, but the grief didn't cling to me like losing Henry and John has. 

Shouldn't I be fucking over it by now?  

There's no timeline to this, so I'm told. I have to take good care of myself, make sure I don't isolate too much. Drink water. Do my stretches. Keep my doctor's appointments. Find the joy that awaits me every day. 

And trust that I won't always feel this way.