My old Friends

Watching an ancient episode from the long-ago first season. As Janice would say, "Oh. My. God." Were they ever young! Matthew Perry's mugging was still funny but improbably broad. Jennifer Aniston spoke so much faster and in a higher pitched voice. I'd forgotten how adorable Matt LeBlanc was. (I'm glad that, unlike the cast, I haven't changed a bit since 1994.)

No cell phones, and the cordless phone in Monica's apartment looked like a brick with an antenna. 

I'm just sayin'

Yes, sure, the Cubs have a dismal record for the season.

BUT! (Yes, there's a "but!" Of course there is. There's always a "but" when a Cub fan talks baseball.) There's so much more to the story than just our lackluster .380 winning percentage.*

We just won four games straight and will go into the All-Star break a rejuvenated team. Samardzjia, LaHair and Rizzo are this season's unexpected new heroes. Castro and Barney are maturing nicely.

You watch: The 2012 season will be remembered as The Turning Point. It will get better from here.

Go, Cubs, Go!

*NOT the worst in the league, thankyouverymuch. The Rockies are just as bad.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

We're in the middle of a heatwave. It's been between 90º and 100º every day for a week. It's unpleasant.

Partly because I don't do heat. Heat and I are not friends. I suffer in hot weather. I don't know how to say it more plainly.

So, to compensate, I always have the air conditioning on. And then I get cold. So I turn it down or off. And then I'm sweltering again. Over and over and over.

At work the air conditioning is on so ferociously that I have the heater blowing hot air on my sandaled feet.

At the health club, it was too warm and I felt positively saintly for logging 25 minutes on the treadmill.

In winter, when it's freezing, there's a camaraderie among Chicagoans. "Can you believe this?" we ask one another on the slushy streets or as we try to sit, side by side, on the el, even though our downcoats make it difficult.

In summer, we simply growl at one another.

At work, everyone appears either grumpy or washed out.

I'm going home now for my Wednesday off. It's supposed to be 99º tomorrow. My one gal's simple dream is to not speak to anyone, recharge my battery with lots of alone time, and feel better for my return to work on Thursday.

In tribute to my TV DAD

I always wanted Andy Taylor to be my dad. This clip demonstrates why.



I believe Andy Griffith was a most talented gentleman and I most sincerely hope he rests in peace.

Good news!

My best friend's dad, who lives near Colorado Springs, got word that he can return to his home. Which means it's not only still standing but inhabitable. No word on the extent of the smoke and grit damage.

I also haven't heard how it was within the family dynamics. Dad had been staying with the oldest of his daughters -- she who doesn't like anyone to mention her prodigious alcohol consumption.

Oh well, Dad is home. That's the important thing.

Trifecta

This week's challenge: Using between 33 and 333, compose something that includes the third definition of the following word:

FIREWORKS (noun)
3: plural
a: display of temper or intense conflict 
b: a spectacular display 

The fireworks weren’t anything new. She experienced them in every relationship. She was, after all, passionate. About many things. About most things. And when her energy rises and the air becomes electric, sparks just naturally ignite.

What's different this time, with him, is that when the fireworks display is done, it’s over. She isn’t oppressed by dread. She’s not worrying about the aftershocks. Because there won’t be any. They disagree, they argue, they reach resolution, they move on. Amazing!

When emotion overtakes her and her thinking is ruled more by passion than logic, he challenges her. And she gets her back up. But his umbrage never rises to meet hers. Instead he reminds her, “I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m saying you’re not clear.” Amazing!

She had grown up in a household where her father could not be questioned. He was inviolate, resolute and right. Anyone who disagreed with him could depend on being ridiculed. Demeaned. It happened to her, it happened to her mother. She fought unsuccessfully to protect her baby sister. She always felt bad about leaving home and abandoning the kid to that.

Then she wasted a decade with Stephen. With him, an explosion was always preceded by the tinkling of ice cubes. Then the tension escalated, inexorably leading to an eruption of verbal and physical violence. Followed by much sorrow, many regrets, romantic kindnesses and even gifts. She couldn’t relax  and enjoy these good times because it was difficult to predict when those dangerous aftershocks would hit. Along with the blame. This was all always her fault. She made him do it. If only she were more feminine, more acquiescent, none of this would happen.

There was none of that with this amazing man. He says with a smile that he wishes he was as passionate about anything as she is about everything.

They disagree, they argue, they reach resolution, and they move on … Amazing!

She loves this man.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Seven

121. Have you gone rock climbing? If not, would you? No. No.

122. Do you believe in forever love in a romantic relationship? Yes. Just haven't found it myself.

123. As a kid did you ever sneak anyone into your house? No.

124. Do you personally know anyone homeless? I know Kathy, who could no longer afford her own apartment and had to move in to her adult daughter's dining room.

125. Do you believe in aliens? Yes. And President Obama is on a "more just, more fair" way of handling their status. OH! You meant Muldaur/Scully little green men? No, I don't really believe in them.

126. Have you ever killed someone? No. I once "gave mouth-to-mouth to a bottle of tequila, but I lost her." (Quote courtesy of Robert Redford in The Electric Horseman.)

127. What would it take for you to sell your soul to a devil? There is no devil.

128. Top or bottom? Bottom. Sometimes it's really much nicer to let him drive. 

129. Are you happy with your career? Comparatively speaking. I spent yesterday with my friend, John, who is currently unemployed. That made me a bit more appreciative of what I have. While I'm often not crazy about the agency where I work, I really have an enormous amount of respect for the client I work for.

130. What's your favorite store to buy clothes? Why? Lately Macy's. It used to be Carson's (or Bergner's, depending on where you live). But Macy's has more petites, and I'm both vertically challenged and hate hemming things.

131. What is your eye color? Green. I have pretty eyes. There aren't many things about my appearance I'm crazy about, but I do have nice eyes.

132. Watching or playing sports? I love my Cubs. Let's watch this catch again, shall we?

133. Would you have plastic surgery? No. There are enough injectibles and topical treatments available these days that I don't think I have to resort to being (gulp!) slicked.

134. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? Huffington Post. Because every day there's at least one headline that pulls me in.

135. Are you going on vacation this year? If so, where?  I went to the Spa at Colonial Williamsburg in April, and I'll be spending New Year's here.

136. How do you align yourself politically? I'm a liberal.

137. Do you have any pets? Yes. Three cats: Joey, Charlotte and Reynaldo.

138. Do you believe in soul mates? Yes.

139. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? My lack of judgement. Yesterday I had a ballpark hotdog, chicken tenders, fries and booze. I am paying for it today. I'm thinking maybe vegans may be onto something.

140. How long have you played Sunday Stealing? Since August 31, 2008.

Anthony Rizzo's first Wrigley Field HR!

John and I were at today's Cub game, celebrating John's birthday, and of course, I had a lovely time. Because the beer was cold, our seats were in the shade, we're good friends who are happy to be together, and BECAUSE I SAW ANTHONY RIZZO'S FIRST WRIGLEY FIELD HR!

Wrigley Field is steeped in romance and tradition and I can still feel the presence of Ron Santo and Ernie Banks and my beloved future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux, but watching Rizzo and Starlin Castro and Darwin Barney, I realize I'm seeing our future, too.



After the booze, the heat, the game, the hotdogs and the chicken wings, though, I really do need a nap.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Just Like a Pill

1. What was the last pill your doctor prescribed? Why? Fexofenadine. AllegraD, for allergies.

2. How well do you swim? Pretty well. I have endurance if not speed.

3. Who has a big mouth that you like? You mean other than myself? Kathy Griffin.

4. Do you believe in political correctness? To a certain extent. I don't like hate language.

5. Do you ever patronize people? I'm sure I do, though it's unintentional.

6. Do you or someone you know strive constantly to be perfect? Professionally, I have to remind myself that, at times, "good is good enough."

7. What song are you totally sick of and why? Nothing current comes to mind. But 70s soft rock (Barry Manilow, Air Supply, John Denver) causes me almost physical pain. It's played in restaurants and airports because programmers seem to believe it's inoffensive. They are wrong.

8. How old were you when you got cocky? Or did you never go there? Professionally? In my early 30s. Personally? Still waiting for it to happen.

9. When you compete with someone, have you ever gotten hostile? I am not competitive by nature.

Take Me out to the Ballgame!

Today, John and I are celebrating his birthday within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field!

The world looks a lot different today than it did when I ordered these tickets.

First of all, the Cubs suck (27-49). Normally this wouldn't bother me. The Cubs are my team and I just love baseball. But so many of the players are new this season that I haven't developed any real emotional attachment yet. So while I'm sure I'll have fun (Have you ever seen Wrigley Field? The bricks and ivy are so beautiful as to break your heart!), I'm not as into the individual balls and strikes as I normally am because I'm not as invested in what each at-bat means to my guys as I was last year at this time. Oh well, it happens. Every few years the team rebuilds and we go through this.

Secondly, John was let go earlier this month. I haven't told him this, naturally, but I'm worried about his future employability in our field. He has a stubborn, personal aversion to the Internet and social media (he just got his own email this week!) that will make it hard for him to sell himself as a well-rounded writer. No matter how fabulous his wordplay might be, it'll be hard for him implement it in the electronic media that's part of every business plan today … and it plays into the stereotype that older creatives (Gulp!) are out of touch. Also, John has a tendency (as do I) to sink into depression. It's one of the things that we recognized about one another when we first met more than 30 years ago. Outwardly, he and I couldn't be more different (black/white, male/female, gay/straight, tall/short, atheist/Christian), but there's a hyperawareness and sensitivity we share. And the downside to it is depression. So I welcome this opportunity to see him, spend time with him, and make sure he's OK.

Lastly, it's been so FREAKING HOT! Over 100º at times. But today it's predicted to be a touch cooler and less humid. I take this as a good sign.

Reynaldo!

At about 3:00 AM, Reynaldo decided it was time for me to wake up. He began knocking everything off the dresser and so I locked him and his makeshift litterbox out into the hall.

This morning I opened the bedroom door to find litter all over the hall. OK, so he buried a bit over enthusiastically. He's a cat. Allowances must be made.

Then I saw how he knocked all the picture frames off the bookshelf. Fine. He was bored.

And found the cereal boxes on the kitchen floor. GRRR!

AND A BIG HOLE IN THE WALL, caused by him pulling down the drapes.

He turned 8 in April. This is not kitten behavior. This is Reynaldo.

He is eating my hairbrush as I write this.

Remember that scene in The Miracle Worker where Annie tries to teach Helen table manners and the dining room is destroyed in the process? I feel like Rey and I are starring in our own low-rate dinner theater production.

Oh, well. He is in my life to teach me patience. He is my responsibility and I would never give him back or give him away. I must figure out how we can live together peacefully for the remainder of our lives.

And who I will leave his care to in my will, as obviously he will be the death of me.

Thursday Thirteen #177

THE THIRTEEN MOST POPULAR
SYNDICATED TV SHOWS

These are the programs that aren't created by or broadcast by major networks in prime time. They are purchased and shown -- often during the day, early evening or late night -- by local channels. According to TV by the Numbers, these are the highest rated:

1) The Big Bang Theory (reruns) -- an average of 9,476,000 viewers every day

2) Judge Judy

3) Wheel of Fortune 

4) Jeopardy

5) Two and a Half Men (reruns)

6) Family Guy

7) Entertainment Tonight

8) How I Met Your Mother (reruns)

9) Family Feud

10) Law & Order (reruns)

11) Law & Order: SVU (reruns)

I admit that whenever I hear "the doink doink," I sit down and start watching.  

12) Inside Edition

13) Without a Trace (reruns)

BTW, Dr. Phil comes in at #15, with an average of 3,400,000 viewers each day, and Dr. Oz is #20, with 3,164,000.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show would make this list, but it's summer and her show takes a big dip in the ratings when it's in repeats.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

 

Farewell, Nora

I have been reading Nora Ephron for as long as I can remember. She was an essayist for Esquire and I adored her. She was witty and sophisticated and the big sister I deserved. When I was in high school, she was living with Carl Bernstein of Watergate fame and hanging around with one of my great crushes, Robert (sigh) Redford, and one of my favorite authors, William Goldman as they all worked on All The President's Men. Her parents (Henry and Phoebe) actually kenw Tracy and Hepburn! It seemed too ambitious to want to be Nora Ephron. I just fantasized about hanging with her.

She went on to write books, and screenplays, and then to direct, and, being Nora, enjoyed success in each genre. I have seen all her movies and one of her plays (Love, Loss and What I Wore) and read all her books but the latest one. (It's too sad to call it her last.) But my favorite is Heartburn.

The movie is fine. But the book it's based on is better, as moving as it is funny. Here is my tribute to Nora -- her own words:


"I married him against all evidence. I married him believing that marriage doesn't work, that love dies, that passion fades, and in so doing I became the kind of romantic only a cynic is truly capable of being."

"And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream."

Today I feel like I lost a friend. I wish I'd known her and could have thanked her.

I Want Wednesday

I want everyone to take off their tinfoil beanies. Talking to my friend in the Keys last night, I was taken aback by how willing he is to see conspiracies. Not only is his former employer attempting to blackball him, but Mitt Romney is part of an evil cabal devoted to taking away all his rights as a gay man. He cites something supposedly said during the Romney boys' appearance on David Letterman (weren't they on with Conan?) as evidence. Huh? It gave me a headache.

I know that my friend's ongoing problem finding a job in his chosen field is depressing him. That's only natural. But this paranoia isn't healthy.

In response I told him that Mitt Romney is a perfectly lovely gentleman with whom we disagree on everything. That does not make him the Grand Wizard of All That Is Evil. And, while we're at it --

• Barack Obama is not a Kenyan-born Muslim working to eradicate Christmas
• George W. Bush did not participate in the 9/11 attacks
• The Clintons did not kill Vince Foster
• LBJ did not plot the murder of JFK
• The Kennedys did not kill Marilyn Monroe

Now, please, leave me alone with this shit. Thank you.

"Pity the Pretty"

That's the blurb on the cover of the Dec. 11 Allure magazine. (I just now got to it, so sue me!). The story talks about how difficult it can be to be pretty -- how, for example, when an attractive woman makes a mistake, it's assumed she's not trying. My first impulse would be a snort, if it wasn't for the experiences my best friend's daughter has had growing up beautiful.

With apologies to a reader named Jennifer who feels I write too much about my friends, my best friend shared with me how confused and ambivalent his daughter was at 12 and 13, when she was freakishly beautiful for a junior high school student. (Really, she did look like a miniature Michelle Pfeiffer.) The attention from older boys was scary. The resentment from other girls was sad. The praise from adults was embarrassing because it felt undeserved. As a result, she became both shy and passionately athletic. After all, when she makes a goal in soccer or reaches the end of the pool first, it's an objective, indisputable achievement -- made without the benefit of her platinum hair and high cheekbones.

It may sound strange to say this, but I am pleased to report that now, at 15, she has hit her awkward phase! In her most recent photos, her forehead is a little too round and her teeth are a little too big. Hurray! In short, she looks like a cute, scrubbed high school sophomore, almost indistinguishable from her girlfriends. Which is precisely what she longs to be.

Just because she looks average today, she still might be a great beauty again. Or perhaps she peaked at 13. One thing I learned from my obsessive Kennedy watching is that it's possible to peak too soon. I give you the example of Caroline and John Kennedy, Jr. She was an adorable little girl who never took a bad picture ... until she hit 10. He was an average little boy who grew up to be The Sexiest Man Alive.

At any rate, my friend's daughter now knows what Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg's life seems to illustrate -- that there are more important things for a woman to be than pretty.

"I felt 15 years younger, knowing I had you with me."

So said my mother Sunday night, when she called to tell me the good news she received from a call to Medicare's 800 number. Right now, it looks like she will get help with her prescriptions for less than an additional $10/month.

I gave her the number, but she has to make the calls herself. I was very firm on this.

But the important thing is, I know that while my mother simply expects me to help her with this, she also appreciates it.

That is important to me.

Not the message I wanted

My oldest friend developed a powerful fixation on Michael Jackson at the time of his death. As one who grew up on the Jackson 5 and was a fan through Bad, I admire his talent if not his life. I worry that her obsession with his fragility and victimhood is unhealthy, but she now has friends within his fan community. She has been very lonely since moving to Southern California to be near her (ugh!) family -- why aren't they more supportive of her? -- and was very excited about seeing some of the Midwestern Jacko fans who were making a pilgrimage to see his grave and his exhibit in the Grammy Museum.

She was so looking forward to this past weekend.

That's why I am worried about the email I found this morning. What is she doing in the wee small hours, so upset that she can't remember "the name of that place in Santa Monica," the "halfway house for depression/anxiety?"

What has that asshole son of hers broken/destroyed/ruined now?

Worried

Received a text from my best friend stating, "The whole state of Colorado is on fire." He's visiting his father, who lives about 55 miles away, and can see flames from the front porch!

I wanted to reply, "Why the fuck are you visiting your dad today, when you live an hour to the south where it's (still) safe?"

I will be happier when I hear my friend is ensconced in his own home, where he belongs.

Photo credit

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Six

 

 

101. Name 4 things you always have with you. My keys, my glasses, my contact lens case and solution.

102. How many SERIOUS exes do you have? Two

 

103. What causes you to you admire people? Perseverance, brains

 

104. Do you like sports? I love Cubs baseball

105. Would you have sex after marriage? Why or why not? Isn't the point of getting married legally sanctioned sex?

 

106. What is your favorite male name? Michael

107. Do animals go to Heaven? First stop is the Rainbow Bridge

 

108. Last time you had a great time with your dad? He's been gone for decades. But the last one-on-one conversation we had was about his dad's watch. I recognized Grandpa's watch on his wrist and I was so happy to see it again. So we talked about Grandpa for a minute.

 

109. What is your favorite hair style? A nice, smooth chin-length bob. If only I could wear it!

110. Do you like your name? Not especially.

111. When was the last time that you quit your job? 10 years ago I laid myself off.

112. When you wake up, what is the first thing you think? "Is it a weekday or a weekend?"

113. Have you ever pulled an all-niter?  God, yes

 

114. What is the perfect day for you? It involves a Cubs game and a rib eye

115. Last time you cleaned the bathroom? It could use a good scrub down right now. Are you volunteering to help?

 

116. Have you ever failed a grade? Why? No. I was a consistently average student.

117. Have you met anyone online? I met Book Mama and her lovely family for breakfast when they were vacationing in Chicago.

118. Have you ever smoked? No

119. Do you like celebrities? Some

 

120. Do you like traveling? I enjoy long train rides. I fly, but I don't enjoy it.

What's another $38/month?

Illinois is in terrible shape financially and, on July 1, the aid my mother relies on to pay for her meds will be eliminated. She is freaking out because it means she won't be able to afford her prescriptions.

She is so upset that she hasn't been able to call Blue Cross/Blue Shield. BC/BS is the company where she has her Medicare Part B. I know because I'm the one who chose it for her, years ago, and I'm the one who gives her money for the premiums.

She wants me to figure out how to fix this because she's "not comfortable" talking to insurance companies. I pushed back, telling her that she is the one who has the BC/BS card in her wallet. She is the one who knows how much money she gets from her reverse mortgage and from social security, not me.

Plus, I am trying hard not to run things and stop bossing other people around in their personal lives.

And I resent that my mother has two other daughters -- more conventional women that she understands better than she does me, women that she believes are more beautiful than I am -- that she's not bringing this to. She brought it to me. She could ask the family patriarch who molested me for help, the one whose portrait is so proudly displayed on her new wall of photos. But she asks me. Now, when I am trying to get my own finances straightened out so I can be comfortable in my own retirement.

I love my mother. I want her to be well and with us for years to come. For that, she needs her meds. So of course I will help her.

I know my mother loves me as much as she is able. And I appreciate the good things I have inherited from her -- my love of nature, my ability to find joy in the little things.

I already give her about $200/month. I think I just found myself on the hook for another $38/month. I want to give it to her with an open heart. That's going to take some work, some prayer, some introspection.

Wish me luck!

Moonrise Kingdom

I am not objective when it comes to Bruce Willis. I have been in love with him since the 1980s, when he smirked and swaggered his way into my living room as David Addison on Moonlighting. Then he fought bad guys and made things go boom! on the big screen in the highly entertaining Die Hard series. These starring roles have become so iconic that it's easy to forget how good he can be at quiet and compassionate (The Kid, The Sixth Sense and In Country).

Today I saw him in a little arthouse film called Moonrise Kingdom. Amid a cast of talented and quirky actors -- Frances MacDormand, Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel, Bill Murray, Bob Balaban and Ed Norton -- Bruce Willis stands out as the smalltown police officer, Captain Sharp. That may be his name, but Sharp is none too bright. And he knows it. But he is good of heart and he knows right from wrong and feels tremendous empathy, and that sets him apart from (and above) the other denizens of this whimsical make-believe place.

If you get a chance to see this one, do. It's a charming ode to (very) young love.

A WORD TO ANIMAL LOVERS: There's a kitten who, while in peril at certain points, lives to snooze safe and sound at the end. The camp's dog is not so lucky.

An unusual choice in parenting

Rielle Hunter appears with her four year old daughter on the cover of this week's People. Gulp.

While I am glad that the 4-year-old got to hear her father publicly acknowledge his love for her on the steps of the courthouse, I'm not sure that seeing her face above the Mentos at the checkout counter is good for her.

Nor do I think she needs to know all about her father and the shabby way he treated her mother, as well as his wife, Elizabeth Edwards, the mother of Quinn's half-siblings.

I understand she's too young to understand all this now. But once it's in the public domain, it's out there. I remember reading Jane Fonda's account of discovering the truth about her mother's death. Jane was 12 when her mother committed suicide during a stay in a sanitorium. Her father believed his daughter was too young for that information and told her instead that her mother had been admitted to a hospital, where she suddenly suffered a heartache. Jane later discovered the truth while at school. A stack of magazines had been left out for the students to use for a project, and in one was an article about how Henry Fonda's wife offed herself with a razor blade while in a mental institution.

I hate the thought that Quinn will stumble upon this issue of People someday. I wonder what impact this will have on her relationship with her brother (12) and sister (14).

It's not just glossy magazines, either. Ms. Hunter has already appeared on 20/20 and is scheduled for Piers Morgan Tonight and The View. I imagine that the questioning will be uncomfortable (if not brutal). With the wonder of YouTube, these interviews will live on forever.

I'm just a barren spinster, but this doesn't seem like smart parenting to me.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind

1. Do you ever have trouble making up your mind? On little things, yes. On big things, not really.

2. Do you think you always learn from your mistakes? I try to. I'm not always successful.

3. Have you ever felt that you were either older or younger, for your age during a particular time? I was pretty mature in junior high. I have been pretty immature ever since.

4. Have you had trouble losing weight? Only all the time!

5. Who's the most "wholesome" rock artist that you like? Sir Paul. How cute was he?

6. Do you like to party or are you more of a homebody? Yes. It depends on my mood. I love good food, good drink and good conversation. I also love my alone time.

7. Do you feel the need to share your burdens? Yes. As Stevie Wonder sings, "That's What Friends Are For."

8. Do you know the lady next door? (yes, you can pick either side.) Her name is Sarah. She's very nice.

9. Do you ever feel inferior? Yes!

 

 

Done!

I woke up this morning knowing that two of my ickiest chores of the week -- laundry and grocery shopping -- are done! It's a lovely feeling. Don't know what I'm going to do with myself this weekend, but whatever it is, it won't include laundry and grocery shopping.