Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Facebook and me

I am not my genuine self on Facebook.

I have "friended" too many people who aren't friends. Both of my sisters read it. I know that exes have perused it ... and I have no right to be offended by that since I have snooped around there liberally myself.

So, while I don't overthink it, I freely admit that I try to present myself in a sunnier, sillier, more idealized light than you all see here. And I suspect most people who maintain a Facebook page can say the same thing.

It's reality, but stage-managed reality. And I'm no longer as comfortable with it as I once was. I mean, how valid a use of time is it to create and maintain an almost honest view of yourself for dozens (or hundreds) of people who are doing the same?

Part of it is my discontent comes from having just seen The Social Network. It's a terrific movie, but it's soul numbing. After all, it's about a duplicitous character who understands power and technology but not intimacy. Zuckerberg (as portrayed in the movie) seems to have ADD of the soul. As one who often toggles restlessly from window to window, application to application, on her laptop, I wonder if my own soul isn't suffering the impact, too.

It's become easier, faster and more comfortable to deal with acquaintances en masse with quick, superficial posts than to truly interact with the individuals in my life.

This is not good.

I know the problem isn't with the social networking technology. It's with the way (and why) I use it. I'm going to stick with Facebook because it's the wave of the future and I've got to get and keep a handle on it professionally. Along the way I hope I learn to love it personally, too.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

10 on Tuesday


Ten Great Oscar-Losing Performances. Part of the fun of watching the Oscars is slapping your forehead when a winner is announced and proclaiming, "How COULD they?" Looking over past Oscar races, here are 10 times the Academy got it wrong.

1) Tom Hanks. Capt. Miller. Saving Private Ryan. (1998) Less showy than his work in Forrest Gump or Philadelphia, but more moving and relateable. Miller was a hero only because he was there. You could tell that Hanks' character had lived an unremarkable life until then, and WWII was fought and won by a generation of such unremarkable men. They saved the world, and Tom Hanks represents them admirably and memorably. Who won that year instead? The obnoxious Roberto Benigni. If Hanks' Captain Miller could see Benigni's performance, I bet he'd be sorry his side won.

2) Peter Fonda. Ulee's Gold. (1997) Another quiet performance, another man trying to do the right thing by his family. Ulee is a bee-keeper who is raising his granddaughter, determined to do a better job this time than he did with his son. If you haven't seen this movie, you should. Fonda is a revelation. The only other actor I could imagine bringing so much integrity to this role is that other Fonda, Henry. Who won that year instead? Jack Nicholson, romancing an unrealistically and distractingly younger woman and chewing the scenery (even as he uses his plastic knife and fork) in As Good as It Gets.

3) Robert Downey, Jr. Chaplin. (1992). Why did Hollywood keep giving Robert Downey chance after chance to redeem himself in the 1990s? Because producers and directors saw this movie. He disappeared into the role of one of the screen's first geniuses. He, like Chaplin, moved like a dancer. He is completely believable as he pugnaciously fights his personal demons, as Chaplin did. He ages but without condescension. It's a virtuoso piece of work. Who won that year instead? Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Hoo-ha! It wasn't a bad performance, it just wasn't anywhere Pacino's best. It was simply Al's turn.

4) Richard Burton. George. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1965). Quiet, smart and ferociously angry. Burton applies his unmatched vocal prowess to Edward Albee's brilliant dialog and was consistently fabulous. Who else could be so threatening while wearing a lumpy sweater and reading glasses? Who won that year instead? Paul Scofield, being all actor-y all over the place in A Man for All Seasons.

5) Clark Gable. Rhett Butler. Gone with the Wind. (1939) No, really. Gable won an Oscar, but not for his greatest role ... arguably the most recognized screen character of all time. The out-front, uncompromising masculinity he brings to the part enables him to make Rhett a three-dimensional hero, showing us a tearful Rhett, a sensitive and loving Rhett, an ironic Rhett who is even ashamed of his heroism. I will always be a little in love with Rhett Butler. Who won that year instead? Robert Donat in Goodbye, Mr. Chips. A fine performance. I get it. I just would have gone with Gable, and I think history and culture prove me right.

NOW FOR THE LADIES

6) Kate Winslet. Rose. Titanic. (1998). To borrow from Donna Summer, she works hard for the money. She's in almost every scene of this epic: snarling, seducing, splashing, ax-swinging, shouting and almost dying. And she goes from being a feisty caged bird to an independent woman. Plus, her Rose is like Gable's Rhett. When Winslet is an old lady, introduced as "Oscar winner," everyone will assume it's for this mammoth crowd pleaser. Who won that year instead? Helen Hunt for As Good as It Gets. Bleh. BFD.

7) Mary Tyler Moore. Beth Jarrett. Ordinary People. (1980). Inspired casting. Yes, everyone thought of Mary as a perfect comedienne, but director Redford realized that "perfect" was the operative word. Beth had to be believable as the envy of the neighborhood from outside, loved and admired by all who didn't know her well; and at the same time, tortured on the inside. Unable to truly love, forgive or evolve. In anyone else's hands, Beth Jarrett would have been a villain. As she is here, she's the object of our pity. Who won that year instead? Sissy Spacek in Coal Miner's Daughter. She was great, too, but this was such a stretch for our Mary. Besides, if I ran things, Sissy would have won for wearing pig's blood better than anyone else in film history.

8) Sissy Spacek. Carrie. (1976) Could ANYONE ELSE have captured our hearts as a telekinetic mass murderer? I rest my case. It may be a weird but true observation that Stephen King and Woody Allen have created some of our most sympathetic and compelling female screen characters. I suppose that when you realize she's the only actress ever to be nominated for a straight-on horror flick, her nomination really was award enough. Who won that year instead? Faye Dunaway's noisy, cartoonish careerwoman-shrew from Network.

9) Barbra Streisand. Katie Morosky. The Way We Were. (1973). She's too-too. Too loud, too brazen, too opinionated, too ... unattractive. (There, I said it.) And too vulnerable to be like this and still be content in our world. I ached with her every moment of this movie. Who won that year instead? Glenda Jackson's charming but lightweight performance in A Touch of Class.

10) Judy Garland. Vicki Lester. A Star Is Born. (1954). As if giving us "The Man that Got Away" wasn't enough, she also dances and romances and cries and even gets slugged in the face. Like Kate Winslet in Titanic, she deserved it just for the effort! How could such a tiny woman give such a towering performance? Who won that year instead? Grace Kelly for wearing glasses and a cardigan in The Country Girl. OK, that was unfair because Grace Kelly is very good in The Country Girl. But COME ON! Judy sang "Swanee" and danced with a cane! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO PLEASE YOU PEOPLE?

My new favorite song is from 1979

My best friend could have written this, for he chose the safer harbors of his heart.

Monday, February 07, 2011

I Hear You, and Thank You

When I began blogging, it was to create an online journal mostly for myself. I wanted an accurate snapshot of how I was feeling on any given day, something I could look back on later. I really never expected to have readers, or to draw so much support from those of you who comment.

This past week I posted about two rather consuming situations -- my finances and an odious ex. And I received so many positive wishes and helpful suggestions from cyberbuddies! I just wanted to acknowledge you all:

Silver Neurotic
Vivian
Jamie
Jody
Kwizgiver
SnarkyPants

Guilt

I usually don't believe in guilt because it's such a damn waste. But right now I'm suffering from it in spades.

My finances are getting away from me, faster by the minute, and I must take steps to stem the bleeding.

I haven't gotten a raise in years, and am only now beginning to breathe more easily about my job security. Advertising is that tenuous a pursuit right now. Sure, I have a nice emergency fund. But you know what will happen if I touch that, don't you? Yes, I'll be laid off.

Meanwhile my insurance premiums and deductibles have risen. So have my taxes and my assessments. Even the snow removal service at my mom's has gone up this year.

Being undisciplined (shall we talk about my housecleaning and weight?), I have continued spending as though my paychecks have risen steadily.

I have to do something. I can't refinance my place because there have been three foreclosures in this 24-unit building. I don't even want to think about what's gone on up and down the street. At any rate, I'm reasonably sure my condo -- my biggest investment -- has never been worth less than it is at this moment. I'm confident that the market will rebound, but not in time to help me through this rough patch.

My mother recently revealed that she has no life insurance and has pretty much depleted the equity of her reverse mortgage. I could sit here and be angry about the fine mess my dad left me, but what the hell. It is what it is. She needs my help now more than ever, and will continue to do so. While I can't pay for my niece's college tuition, I'd like to be able to help her with spending money when she goes off to school.

There are some big expenditures I'm already committed to -- another six months of theater tickets with Barb, a vacation this spring ... But beyond that, I simply begin instituting austerity.

Which is why, when I returned my annual pledge form for the church, I reduced it for 2011 by $75. That's just $6.25/month. And, of all the charities I contribute to regularly, I believe my congregation can most easily spare $6.25.

I'm ashamed that my own bad planning has gotten me to a place where such steps are necessary. And I especially hate it that I worry about my reputation this way. I mean, it's CHURCH. God loves me and understands. I just wish I could reduce my giving to a charity where everyone in the office doesn't know me.

But that's childish and silly. I looked over the financials included with the pledge form and my congregation can withstand this.

But right now I feel selfish and undisciplined and embarrassed. And very, very guilty.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Ace Meme, Part Three


68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? NCIS

69. WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU DON'T LIKE? I like avoidance.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Mint chocolate chip

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yes. Who else's would I have?

72. SO IS IT GOING TO BE THE STEELERS OR THE PACKERS? I don't care. Sorry.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? Avoiding the Super Bowl

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU RETIRE? Here

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Of course!

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? The TV is on

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Orange juice

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My niece

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE SEX(ES) YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO? Hair

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME? Go to the movies, watch TV, fart around on the Internet ...

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? Sarah Palin

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR? Autumn

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY? Mary Janes

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND? Yes. He is decent and kind and always tries to do the right thing.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Lt brown/dark blonde, with a little red tossed in

86. EYE COLOR? Green

87. SHOE SIZE? 6.5

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Five Guys Burgers & Fries

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Monk's Pub

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? No

91. WATCH TV TODAY? Always. I'm a news junkie

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? November 22, my birthday!

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? No

94. POLITICAL PARTY? Democrat

95. KISSES OR HUGS? Depends on who I am kissing or hugging

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A Lottery ticket. I should check to see if I'm a millionaire.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSE SPOUSE? No, as it includes being a spouse.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: Inadequate

On my mind

The national news is full of updates about Egypt. But I'm too preoccupied with news closer to home to even contemplate international unrest. For the snow storm of Tuesday night left most of the businesses around here closed on Wednesday, and the schools remained closed on Thursday, too. And this has caused incremental economic hardship to those who can afford it least.

The people who work in fast food restaurants, retail stores, gas stations, etc., most likely didn't get vacation pay for their unexpected day off. When they went back to work on Thursday, they probably had to find daycare for the young kids who weren't in school.

This time of year is historically hard on food pantries. After Thanksgiving and Christmas, helping the hungry slips people's minds. Plus, when those holiday credit card bills come in, giving anywhere, to any good cause, can feel like an unmanageable budget pinch right now.

Which is why I'm fixating on those right here in town. I took a bag of groceries over to our local food pantry and it was buzzing with activity. I particularly noticed breakfast cereal going out the door at a fast rate.

After I dropped off this month's bag of groceries, I stopped off at the store and did some shopping for myself and began a new bag with a box of Post Alpha Bits (on sale for just $1).

If you have the time, inclination and wherewithal, maybe you can start a bag to help those in your neighborhood.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Margaritaville

1. Tell us about a time that you had way too much Jose Cuervo. Strawberry margaritas at a "Cocktails for the Cure" AIDS event. I didn't want to get loaded, mind you. It's just that $1 from each red drink ordered went to charity. I gave till it hurt ... the next morning.

2. Do you agree with the following statement: "The older you get, the faster time goes by?" Yes. I was just talking to my 11-year-old nephew, who thought his Christmas break from grade school was soooo long that his classmates actually looked different when he got back to school.

3. What do you usually do during your "down time?" Lately I have been going to the movies a lot. The Oscars do that to me. I return to the theaters every January the way the swallows return to Capistrano.

4. When it comes to the opposite sex, do you feel you have a grasp on 'em -- or do they continue to just surprise you? Always surprises. Which isn't a bad thing.

5. What is your home town famous for? If you believe Frank Sinatra (and you'd better): The Wrigley Building and the Union Stockyard. I'd also add Michael Jordan, Oprah and my beloved Cubs.

6. How many romantic relationships have you had? Three that really touched my heart.

7. What's the best concert that you've ever been to? Paul McCartney in 2002. It was the first show I'd attended after 9/11 and his first tour since he'd lost Linda. There was so much emotion in the United Center that night, flowing to and from the stage.

8. Which famous person would you like to meet? Why? Bill Clinton. Because he's Bill Clinton, and we could talk about everything from conditions in Haiti to Rahm Emmanuel's potty mouth to classic movies to the Arlington Hotel in Hot Springs to ... And I'd still like to give him a piece of mind about the Lewinsky thing.

9. Has a newspaper or television reporter ever interviewed you? If so, what were the circumstances and what did you think when you read or saw what you said? I recently refused to be on TV to discuss how I feel about President Obama's performance in office. Does that count?

Friday, February 04, 2011

Oh, my sweet Eeyeore

My best friend reminds me of Eeyeore. Sensitive, dear, but gloomy.

Not 10 days ago, he was worried because he didn't think he was getting the important assignments at work. It made him feel vulnerable, as though he was the next logical candidate for a layoff.

Today he shot me a quick email, describing himself as "crazed" and "drowning" because he has four concurrent clients.

I love him more than my next breath, but he does exasperate me at times because I don't think he will allow himself contentment.

Oscar Predictions

Last night my friend Kathleen and I went to a panel discussion on the upcoming Academy Awards. Here are the predictions by Tribune columnist Michael Phillips:

Best Picture -- The Social Network or The King's Speech

Best Actor -- Colin Firth, The King's Speech (sure thing)

Best Actress -- Natalie Portman, The Black Swan or Annette Bening, The Kids Are Alright

Best Supporting Actor -- Christian Bale, The Fighter or Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech

Best Supporting Actress -- Hailie Steinfield, True Grit or Melissa Leo, The Fighter

Keep in mind these are his "will win" predictions, not his "should win" responses.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

"A former lady friend in Chitown I miss"

Stephen Doe has a Facebook page. He made a "friend" request to me last year and I just ignored it. I didn't realize that requests sit there if you don't delete them. So, while I was farting around on Facebook yesterday during my snow day off, I happened to rediscover it. Giving in to that same impulse that makes you probe a cavity with your tongue, I clicked on his page.

And there I was under INFO. His favorite quote was my favorite quote from those long ago days when we were lovers:
"I believe we each get 2 lives. The one we learn from and the one we live after that." The Movie "the Natural"
From a former lady friend in Chitown I miss.


I remember clearly how good he was at manipulating me and I know he chose that quote for my benefit. In case someday I happened onto his Facebook page. I looked at his photo album and saw that it has no bearing on the life he lived here, when we were together. He hunts, is very disrespectful of Obama, has been married 21 years (celebrated their 20th with a trip to Paris; he was a baggage handler for an airline) and has two teenaged daughters,* and is friends mostly with younger women from his work. Not surprising. Oh, and he's lost his hair, which cheers me up because he is vain and I am petty.

In 2008, he reached out to our friend John, out of the blue, asking permission to contact me. Upon seeing how upset I was by the communication, John refused to grant "permission." (John didn't expect me to react so strongly. Weird though this may sound, I always tried to protect Stephen's reputation and never told our friends how bad things were back in those long-ago days when we were together.)

In 2009, he shot an email to my office. While I was completely creeped out that he could figure out the naming convention used by the multi-national corporation I work for, I ignored it the best I could and moved on.

In 2010, he tried Facebook. I suppose I should brace myself for him calling me someday. But, since I have Caller ID at both home and work, I will know it's him and can/will refuse to pick up. He disturbs me, yes, but he doesn't frighten or intimidate me anymore.

What does nag at me, though, is why he cares. Why after more than 20 years did he start contacting me? Why does he miss me?

I remember loving him. I recall the intensity of the feeling. After all, we were together for a decade. I remember good times with friends.

But, for the life of me, I can't recall what we had in common or why I loved him so. He was good looking and charming, yes. But he was shallow and cruel and, in retrospect, I think his greatest gift was being able to become who he believed his audience wanted him to be. I don't think I ever really knew him because I'm not sure there's anyone there to really know.

I know he has re-engaged with his Catholicism and feels guilty about how he treated me. And he should. While he wants my forgiveness, he's not getting it. That's between him and God. My biggest journey over these past decades has been forgiving myself for allowing him to abuse me, for staying and hanging on until it got so bad he literally gave me no choice but to let go.

Which is why I wonder why he "misses" me. Why, after we split in December, 1987, he began reaching out to me in spring 2008. Why he won't let me go.

I'm not speaking to him ever again. He's not trustworthy and there's nothing to be gained from it. But I wonder what he remembers so fondly, because when it comes to that, I got nothing.

*How lovely that he gets to have biological children while one of his more heinous actions resulted in childbearing being difficult for me.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

The Queen's Meme

THE AFTERLIFE MEME

1. Have you ever seen an angel? If not, do you believe in them? I don't think I have ever seen one, and whether or not I believe in angels depends on your definition. I do believe in emissaries from God.

2. Tell us a real ghost story. Ever seen one? Imagine that it's a late, moonlit night. You are in nearby Justice, IL, driving down Archer Avenue and are just about to pass Resurrection Cemetery. Suddenly a teenage girl appears by the side of the road. She's easy to see, even in the dark, because she has white blonde hair and is wearing a white party dress. It can't possibly be safe for her to be out alone, walking around near a cemetery on a night like this, so you roll down the window and offer her a ride. She wordlessly shakes her head and you start to pull away. Just as you're picking up speed, she somehow appears directly in front of your car! You cannot stop and are sickened by the thud and crunch of breaking bones as you run her over. You get out to see if there's anything you can do to help this poor girl. But there's no trace of her. For it wasn't a real-live girl you encountered … It was Resurrection Mary! (I can't promise this story is true, but I do know it's been repeated generation after generation here in Chicagoland.)

3. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Back in 2008, I almost got creamed by a cab. I still think of it every time I cross the street at that spot.

4. It is midnight in Heaven. You have just arrived. You are told that you can choose any kind of "Heaven" you want. What would that be? I could eat nothing but strawberry cheese cake and drink nothing but Coke but never gain weight or suffer a sugar crash. And the soundtrack would be The Beatles.

5.
You have come back to Earth as something or someone else. Describe that entity. Tall and tan and young and lovely: The Girl from Ipanema.

6. It is your first morning in Hades. What fascinating aspect of the underworld will you visit first? I don't believe in Hell. Sorry.

7. Scientists have just created a new pill that induces immediate immortality. You can live forever! What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Probably hang out with that little mouse from The Green Mile.

I Want Wednesday

I want Richard M. Daley to stay Mayor forever!

Last night, when crazy drivers insisted on navigating Lake Shore Drive -- even though we were in the midst of one of the worst blizzards in history and the street is called Lake Shore Drive because it runs along a turbulent GREAT LAKE -- and fender benders stopped traffic, the Chicago Fire Dept. was ready.

It took them about five hours, but firefighters ON SNOWMOBILES rescued literally thousands of people who were stranded in their vehicles on LSD. More than 100 cars and a pair of accordion CTA buses were eventually evacuated and there were no serious injuries.

Today, Lake Shore Drive is closed as the municipal workers try to get all those vehicles to a city college parking lot. But last night, every one was safe.

Take that, New York City!

And Mr. Mayor, I have no doubt (no matter what you say) that this all rebounds to your credit. Please don't leave us!

Reynaldo is confused


He's never seen this much snow accumulate on our 4th floor window sill before.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Uh-oh

Here's something you don't see every day: the roof of Wrigley Field sitting in the snow. That square-ish thing on the left, on the ground beneath the streetlamp, is being referred to as "roofing materials." 55 mph winds will indeed do damage. The reason you only see a squad car and a firetruck is that Addison is now closed.

Twitter is calling this storm SNOtoriousBIG, and now so shall I.

And so it begins

The blizzard they have been warning us about for days has arrived. I left work just before 3:00 and this is how it looked. Now that I'm safe and warm at home, all I can see out my window is white. It coming down so fast and so hard that I can barely see the sky. It's quite exciting!

They say it's snowing at a rate of 2" per hour, which makes it impossible for municipal workers to keep up with. We shouldn't be surprised if we have 2 feet of snow by morning, and with the wind, the drifts will be truly awe inspiring.

Trains are overcrowded. Highways are gridlocked. O'Hare and Midway are virtually closed until Thursday.

Mayor Daley -- God bless him -- says that all we need is common sense and patience. And, may I add, the wisdom to be grateful for TOMORROW'S SNOW DAY!

10 on Tuesday


TV's Ten Most Romantic Couples. I'm combating today's snow and cold by contemplating ten TV couples who generated warmth.

1) Dave and Maddie. Moonlighting. She was the cool blonde model, he was the hothead. She may have been his employer, but make no mistake about it -- no one was the boss of him. She gave him much-needed polish, he gave her much-needed fun. In addition to the undeniable sexual chemistry, we believe that each understood the other like no one else before.

2) Sam and Diane. Cheers. The same as Dave and Maddie, but different. Opposites still attract, and the sexual chemistry was just as palpable. But somehow, while they were undeniably drawn to each other, I never felt they liked one another. So ultimately, when they didn't make it together, I was more relieved than sad.

3) Olivia and Elliott. Law & Order: SVU. Elliott is a former marine, a cop's son, and a Catholic who loves and honors his family. So he probably never even lets himself acknowledge how much he loves his partner. But it shows when he talks about how good she is at her job, insists on what a good mother she would be (good cop + good mom = the highest praise Elliot could give). And Olivia, the fatherless daughter of an alcoholic mother, doesn't trust easily, but she trusts Elliott implicitly. Yet she would never admit to loving him -- it would be so inconvenient. So it could be the only two who don't acknowledge how much these two love one another are Olivia and Elliott.

4) Will and Grace. More than friends, less than lovers, but in love nevertheless. Each was his/her most authentic self with the other.

5) Mac and Sally. MacMillan and Wife. When I was in high school I didn't understand how the rumors about Rock Hudson could possibly be true. After all, he was the dashing, indulgent husband of young, wild Sally. He loved her and protected her and seemed to truly admire her funky, hippie ways.

6) Bob and Emily. The Bob Newhart Show. Most sitcom couples have kids. Not Bob and Emily. They were sophisticated, accomplished professionals (shrink and schoolteacher) who supported one another and seemed to find fulfillment simply in their relationship with one another.

7) Rob and Laura Petrie. The Dick Van Dyke Show. They were one of the first couples I saw on TV that I thought made being a Mom & Dad glamorous. They kissed a lot, they commented on one another's appearance, and sang "You, Wonderful You" and "Mountain Greenery" at parties. That more than made up for the single beds.

8) Morticia and Gomez. The Addams Family. How he loved it when Tish spoke French! I mean, really, the man just couldn't keep his hands off of her! But, just as they thought of Lurch as a member of the family, respected Grandmama's wisdom and years and encouraged their kids to think for themselves, Morticia and Gomez truly valued one another as equals. That just seemed to be how they rolled. In that way, they were always less "weird" than a lot of couples I've seen in the "real" world.

9) Carrie and Manhattan. Sex and the City. Whenever Carrie entered Central Park, or a boutique, or an Off Broadway theater or a hot, new club, you felt how much she loved that town. Her town. Her home. Sure, she loves Mr Big. But she loves Manhattan most of all.

10) Lucy and Ricky. I Love Lucy. "I love Lucy and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. Sometimes we quarrel but then again, how we love making up again ..."

Monday, January 31, 2011

That was weird

I had a long dream last night that found me performing an elaborate song and dance number in drag, a la Judy Garland. Carl Reiner was coaching me, and Ashton Kutcher gave me the hat. Conventional dream analysis says that the performance part of the dream indicates my longing to be at the center of someone's attention, or of a specific situation.

How can anyone be asked to explain the unlikely and perhaps even unholy convergence of Carl Reiner and Ashton Kutcher?

I'm so tired of being broke

With all the dire predictions of a major snowstorm heading our way, I find myself not worrying about warmth or food. I am sweating how much I'll owe for snow removal over at my mom's house.

"How much I'll owe" ... it's a familiar theme here. I haven't had a raise in more than three years. Yet everything -- insurance, taxes, assessments -- has gone up. Plus I have been spending too much money.

And I simply must stop.

I have a cushion in that my mortgage is paid through August. I've done that intentionally in case I lose my job. I may find myself skipping my next payment and using that money to pay down my credit cards. Gulp.

I am so sick of worrying about money.

Movie Monday -- Leave It to the Locals

Share movies that feature accents so bad, they might as well have not bothered at all. Then link back here at The Bumbles.

Robert Redford in Out of Africa. Where is Denys from, exactly, anyway? And why does the strength of his accent depend on which scene Redford is playing? Regular readers of this blog know I'm a Bob-o-phile, but (except for this scene ... sigh) this is his worst performance.

Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. I have never been to England and to my knowledge the country has just three accents represented by Ringo Starr, Mary Poppins and Bert the Chimney Sweep. HOWEVER a friend of mine, a loyal subject who grew up in London, tells me that one of his fondest childhood memories was going to the theater with his friends and mocking Dick Van Dyke's performance.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

We have come a long way

.... and not necessarily in the right direction.

I'm watching Kennedy Home Movies on TLC and am enjoying it thoroughly. (Thank you for the heads up, Kwizgiver.) However, the commercial breaks feature "home movies" of what appears to be America's latest first family, The Kardashians.

I'm afraid of what this says about us.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Ace Meme, Part Two

Cheers to all of us thieve
s!

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR HOME COUNTRY? Yes. I've seen Canada, Germany, France, Switzerland and Lichtenstein.

35. WEAKNESSES? Sloth.

37. FIRST JOB? Does babysitting count?

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Yes. I wonder if Caller ID has made pranking harder for today's young slumber party attendees.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? Yes.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU DID STEALING? Finishing a slice of pizza.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Yes, a uterine fibroid embolization.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My green eyes.


43. H
AVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Yes.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? To bask in the afterglow of a successful Cubs season.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND WHAT DO YOU WANT THEIR NAMES TO BE? (OR IF YOU HAVE KIDS, TELL US ABOUT THEM.) I'm a barren spinster.

46. WERE
YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE SEX(ES) YOU'RE ATTRACTE
D TO? I do not understand this question.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL? Graduation

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Aura Rosemary Mint

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Ham

52. ANY
BAD HABITS? I'm lazy, messy and struggle with my temper.

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? Oh yeah, and I'm jealous, too.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I don't know. After all, I'm lazy, messy, jealous and struggle with my temper.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? In theory, yes
. In practice, I'm not so sure.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Yes

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Loudly

58. WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS? Lose! Yes, please!

59. W
HAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? To be content.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? A plush Lassie Dog, not unlike this one.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? About a dozen

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? Of course. I mean, look at him. He's hot!

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Moi? No!

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Mac & cheese

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A LOVER? Nice hair

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? None currently

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER? Mary Poppins could slide up banisters. I always thought that would be cool.

Lazy Day

Met my old friend Mindy and her husband for breakfast (and complimentary donut holes) at Lou Mitchell's, a Chicago institution that is not only one of our old haunts but a local favorite of what's-his-name. I haven't been to Lou's in close to 10 years, but was glad to see it hasn't changed much. (In addition to the donut holes, they also give you a tiny box of Milk Duds as they seat you). It was also good to see how happy and healthy my friend and her hubs are.

Then I came home and took a long nap. I'm definitely feeling better after this past week's sinus issues, but I think a day of doing nothing but relax was probably just what my body needed to complete the healing process.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: What a Fool Believes

1. What celebrity do you think is the MOST foolish? At this moment, I'd have to say Charlie Sheen. I hope that this time, rehab works and he can save his own life.

2. What are 5 things you don't care about? The Kardashians, the Twilight series, weather where I'm not, where people can/can't use their iPhones, the NCAA

3. What 'issue' do you think your opinion is so right about that you end up trying to sway others to your point of view? Sarah Palin

4. What personality do you like to listen to on the radio? I don't have one any more, and it makes me sad. Local legend Steve Dahl has been contractually unable to broadcast until this summer, when his contract with his last station expires. They took him off the air because his ratings were low, yet they won't let him broadcast anywhere else. Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

5. What culture are you fascinated by? Ours.

6. You are alone with your lover's diary. What do you do? How much time do I have? Enough to argue my conscience, lose and start skimming the pages?

7. What frustrates you? Ism's. Sexism. Racism. Etc.

8. Do you remember the first time you were on the internet? What did you do first? I don't remember. It was AOL, so it was probably one of those chat rooms.

9. What was the biggest fight you have ever had with someone? Oh, Lord! The ongoing battle of wills with my cat Reynaldo. Six years and counting.

Friday, January 28, 2011

The chapter she wrote herself


I just finished Jackie as Editor by Greg Lawrence, the first book I have read in a long, long time that has anything new to offer about the life of JBKO.

Lawerence's spin is an interesting one: She was married to John F. Kennedy for 10 years and lived in the White House for less than 4 years. She was the world's most revered widow/heroine for 5 years and then Mrs. Onassis for 7. Then she spent more than 15 years as a book editor. This means that the longest period of her adult life is the one that mostly ignored by the press, the paparazzi and her biographers. Which is, I suspect, exactly how she wanted it.

Up until Ari's death, she had lived her life completely defined by powerful, charismatic men. Then, at age 46, she found herself single again. Her children were getting ready to go off to college. Financially she was set for life. Now what?

She went back to work. For the first time in 22 years. And she created a career for herself that made good use of everything that came before: the society girl who lived in Paris, the First Lady who restored the White House, the jet set celebrity whose calls were always returned by everyone. As an editor she was able to champion projects about ballet and Versailles and make sure that books about heroines she admired got published and read.

She worked hard and learned about the publishing industry -- and office politics. She began in a cubicle and worked her way up to an office with a window.

She also fell in love with a man who adored her and was willing to put her first, letting her shine instead of expecting her to bask in his reflected glory. She watched her children begin careers and she became a grandmother. She bought a home all her own, Red Gate Farm, on Martha's Vineyard. She surrounded herself with artists and writers and working girls, her sister "Brides of Doubleday." She was proud of herself and fulfilled.

Greg Lawrence worked with her on Dancing on My Grave, so many of his observations are first hand and all of it is credible. I especially enjoyed the juicy parts about Michael Jackson (let's just say she began as a fan but by the end of their ordeal -- his autobiography Moonwalk -- she thought he was a tacky freak) and imagining her in her office, muttering "Oy! Vey!" when confronted with a daunting task and triumphantly proclaiming "Hot spit!" when things go her way.

Thanks to Snarkypants for gifting me with this terrific book. It was inspiring to read about how Jackie created a world for herself where she was able to find peace, contentment and satisfaction.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I like her

This is Sarah Shahi. She plays Kate Reed on the new USA legal dramedy, Fairly Legal.

I like her. I didn't expect to. The promos for the show had her teetering forever on heels and looking slutty/seductive. There's more to her character than that. She's got a lot of quirky to her, and she's a wee bit unwise in some of her choices, and these make her more dimensional and endearing.

Be still my heart



Jay Carney is going to be Obama's new press spokesman. He's a primo example of geek chic. Sigh.

A tale of two friends

Two important friends have been on my mind a lot lately. Today I got information about them and learned that one is doing well, better than I suspected, and the other ... well, not so much.

First, him. My best friend. He works very hard in a profession he's not that great at. Oh, he does his job well -- better than competently. I can say this objectively and honestly because I was his colleague for a couple of years. He's conscientious and very good at reaching consensus and making both his clients and internal team feel appreciated and happy. However he's not an especially strong strategist. I suspect this isn't where his heart is, anyway. But he's nearing 45, has a family and a million dollar home and it's hard to follow one's heart with an enormous mortgage hanging around your neck. ANYWAY, he had a victory at his office this week. His bosses have entrusted a new client to him, I think exclusively. He's handling the focus groups today. While his soul may not be singing with this new assignment, I know his pride and self confidence are bolstered. The path he's on may not be his heart's desire, but it's the one he's chosen. And because he's a good man and a good friend, I want it to go as smoothly as possible.

Now, her. My oldest friend. Her move to California is looking more and more like a disaster. So far this month: she learned her 14-year-old daughter hid pot in her suitcase when she traveled to Chicago for the holidays with her father. Then my friend's weak ankles (which she refuses to get looked at because she's sure a doctor will embarrass her by telling her to lose 50 lbs) gave out and she slammed her shoulder into a wall, losing a few days of work because of bursitis. Yesterday her bosses "bumped" her from her job at the hospital to a new one because the doctors she works with don't have faith with her. She shouldn't have made this move when she did and how she did, but now that she's out there, we have to figure out a way to make it work somehow. I'm glad she's begun seeing a shrink again, and she has a general practitioner who can help her start getting well. I researched a community action group that devotes their Saturdays to food/coat drives, cleaning up parks etc. Hopefully her daughter will get involved with those volunteers and begin concentrating on something beyond popularity and partying.

Knowledge is power. Now that I know what's going on with these two that I love, I feel stronger. Even if, in her case, I wish the news was better.

Mmmm .... bacon

I have discovered Oscar Meyer turkey bacon and I am in love. This gooey grilled cheese/bacon sandwich is just what I need on this stolen day off.

I haven't been sleeping because of my sinus headaches. This morning, it finally caught up with me. I called in sick and then slept this morning for seven uninterrupted hours. I feel like a new woman.

A new woman who put bacon on her grilled cheese sandwich.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Queen's Meme -- Board Games

Pretend you're 12, pop a big bowl of popcorn, stretch out on the carpet or set up the card table and let's play!



1. Twister

Who would you like to get your arms and legs tangled up with?
My TV boyfriend, Leroy Jethro Gibbs from NCIS.

2. Monopoly
You have just landed on Boardwalk and collected a nice sum in rent payments.
Which Monopoly token do you want to be when you grow up?
The scottie dog reminds me of Toto,
and Toto was clearly the bravest of the five who travelled down the Yellow Brick Road.


3. Candyland
This game is based on The Legend of The Lost Candy Castle. Did you know that? The object of the game is to reach the Candy Castle. But in my game, the object is to avoid the dungeon that is in the Candy Castle. You must swim through the Ice Cream Sea to be victorious.
What is your flavor?

Mint chocolate chip. The more bright and atomic the green, the better.

4. Operation
You are the surgeon. You have the tweezers in your hand. It is time to remove the most irritating person or thing in your life.
What is the name of this organ?
The Kelluranus. Normally it's a cute, pink, girlie little organ, but it is very sensitive and easily irritated -- at which point it becomes tenaciously, perhaps even chronically troublesome.


5. Sorry!
I often say that success is the best revenge. Lucky for you!
Sorry! is a game of sweet revenge.
What is your strategy for success today?
Keep my head down and play my own game, not letting myself get all distracted by the machinations of the other tokens.




6. Wheel of Fortune!
It's your spin. You have just landed on a surprise vacation package.
It's yours if you can name the destination with 3 vowels and 2 consonants.

Adana. It's a town in Turkey, and it has a Hilton.


7. Clue
Miss Scarlet (that's you) is in the Library with the knife. Who did she kill and why?

A certain cute little coworker Kelly. Because she's nowhere as benign as she looks. (I actually took her out in the Xerox room with that big heavy stapler. I moved the body and staged the scene in the Library to throw off the authorities.)

Play along yourself by clicking here.

I Want Wednesday

I want to overcome being ashamed by my love of bubblegum music. At Pandora.com, I set up my very own "Bobby Sherman" channel, which plays the most fabulous saccharine retro crap from the SherMan himself, as well as The Partridge Family and, right now, The Grass Roots. I know why they call this music "bubblegum," it's all forgettable and in no way enriches the soul, it's just an instant, short-lived frivolous high. But on some days, like this one, I really enjoy it. But I'm too self-conscious and snobby to really BLAST "Julie, Do Ya Love Me?"

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

No need to thank me

It's my pleasure

10 on Tuesday

At the Oscars, most doesn't always mean best

Today The King's Speech was honored with the most Academy Award nominations. But history shows us that doesn't necessarily mean it will win Best Picture.

2010 -- Avatar tied with Hurt Locker, with Hurt Locker winning Best Picture

2009 -- Curious Case of Benjamin Button got 13 nominations, but Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture

2008 -- No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood tied for nominations, with No Country for Old Men winning Best Picture

2007 -- Dreamgirls got 8 nominations, but The Departed won Best Picture

2006 -- Brokeback Mountain earned 8 nominations, but Crash was Best Picture

2005 -- The Aviator got the most nominations and the most awards, but Million Dollar Baby got the top prize

2004 -- The Lord of the Rings: The Return of King received the most nominations, the most awards, and the Best Picture Oscar

2003 -- Chicago received the most nominations, the most awards, and the Best Picture Oscar

2002 -- The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring got the most nominations and the most awards, but A Beautiful Mind got the top prize

2001 -- Gladiator received the most nominations, the most awards, and the Best Picture Oscar

God, I love this stuff!

Baby, Take a Bow

Kwizgiver has declared this blog as Fabulous. Therefore it must be, because I never argue with Teacher.

So five fabulous facts about me ...

1) I have always written, and am fortunate enough to get paid for it. I won $10 when I was in third grade from the village newspaper. It was a prize for an essay I wrote nominating Mrs. Kessell as Teacher of the Year.

2) I happen to know that $10 would be worth over $70 today. That's because I discovered Tom's Inflation Calculator. It's one of the handiest links I've ever come across and am happy to share.

3) I don't get lonely, per se. I miss certain people, but I don't get bored with my own company. My shrink tells me this is unusual. I consider it a blessing.

4) My uncle, niece and I all just happen(ed) to be a little compulsive when it comes to food. Like my uncle, I eat everything on my plate one thing at a time, meaning I won't touch my fries till I'm done with my burger. Like my niece, I have to eat the broken chips or crackers first. I believe this is genetic.

5) I wear one fragrance exclusively -- until I am forced to move on to another. I wore Black Pearls until 2007, when I could no longer find it anywhere but eBay. That's when I switched to Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker, but it's been discontinued, too. Damn! When my stockpile runs out, I'll have to switch to another scent.

Now, to pass the award on to five other Fabulous Bloggers:

Book Mama, who generously shares her life and adorable towheads with us (but hasn't been posting enough lately and may need this little inspiration/bur-under-her-working-mom-saddle)

SnarkyPants, whose blog blends fangirldom with pet parenthood and "woo woo"

SilverNeurotic, because she writes from the heart and does it so well

Vivian, who inspires just by being true to herself as a friend and a Christian and a grandmother and a daughter and an artist

The Bumbles
, because Molly and Andy love movies and baseball and TV and each other

HEY, YOU FIVE! Let me know when you share your five fab facts about yourself so I can learn more about you.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Move Monday -- Sickos

Share movies that contain a form of illness as its theme or feature a character who is sick or diseased, linking back here at The Bumbles. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

I'm watching Sex and the City as I write this, and if a broken heart counts as an illness, I'd be happy to include it here. But instead I'll be true to the Bumbles' intent and go with more conventionally-
defined diseases.

One True Thin
g. Renee Zellweger plays the successful daughter of author/professor William Hurt and housewife Meryl Streep. She moves back home to care for her cancer-stricken mother and learns some hard truths about the reality of her parents' life together and discovers how strong and resolute her mother really is.

Love Story. The
Orca of the disease-weeper genre. I cried over the book and had this poster on my wall and could not wait to see the movie with my junior high girlfriends.Oliver begins the film by asking, "What can you say about a 25-year-old girl who died?" Therefore everything that follows -- including frolicking in the snow and being carried across the threshold -- is deliciously tinged with impending tragedy. I haven't seen it as a woman and have no interest in doing so. It was so perfect for me when I was 12, I don't want to wreck the memory by discovering it's really not very good.

Pride of the Yankees. Lou Gehrig was the perfect hero -- he respected his parents, was both a loving husband and one of the greatest ballplayers ever, and accepted the cruel fate life handed him with ultimate grace. When he declares himself "the luckiest man on the face of the earth," I bet even those passionate Red Sox fan Bumbles choke up a little.