
These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
30 Days of Honesty

Saturday 9
Saturday 9: Watching the Wheels
1. What do you see when you are watching the wheels go round? The world moving on around me. For me, the key lyric is, "No longer riding on the merry go round, I just had to let it go." Meaning that when confronted with a situation where I can't control the outcome, I just have to let go. (OK, for you regular readers of this blog, let me rephrase: I have to TRY to just let go.)
2. Do you watch reality shows? Which ones? Lately I have been watching this little show on A&E -- Teach. Sitcom star Tony Danza goes back to school to teach 10th grade English. It's fascinating. Some of the kids (Monte, I love you!) are exceptional students, dying for a greater challenge and eager to learn more. Others are struggling with Of Mice and Men and To Kill a Mockingbird -- really struggling. How does a teacher handle the challenge of engaging the entire class when it's made of individuals like this? I never thought about how hard teaching must be. (I wouldn't have known this show existed if not for Comcast On Demand; if you're interested, you can find it there.)

3. What's your favorite all time reality show? The Real World. Remember the San Francisco season with Pedro, Judd and Pam, Rachel, Cory, Mo and Puck? My favorite cast.
4. Do you feel "reality" shows are real or are they faked? Oh, I don't know. Certainly Jersey Shore looks about as real as a $3 bill. But I'd like to think the kids on Teach were being themselves. So I guess the answer is, "it depends."
5. What does your personal neon sign say to the world? Cub Fan
6. Ever seen a neon sign with certain letters burned out so that it said something unintended? Not that I can recall. Sorry.
7. What gives you a headache? Could be a scent, a sound, someone's actions - anything. Mike's Hard Lemonade can trigger an awful migraine. My doctor says it's the artificial lemon flavoring. Too bad. I miss it on hot summer days.

8. What song, artist or album in your music collection would you pull out and play if you wanted to give your roommate/neighbors a huge, head-splitting headache? Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits. Apparently it's been proven to clear out public parks in Sydney, Australia.
9. What do you do to relieve stress? Work out, play Pogo, or Xanax.
Friday, November 05, 2010
30 Days of Honesty -- Playing Catch Up Again

Day 4 :: Something you have to forgive someone for. There are those who feel it's time for me to let Steve Bartman off the hook, but the furthest I'm willing to go is to stop calling him "Fucking Steve Bartman." Instead I think it would be better for me to forgive Crazy Old Neighbor once and for all. He continues to take up too much space in my head. This is going to be a long process, though, since neither prayer nor therapy seems to have brought me closer.
Day 5 :: Something you hope to do in your life. Remember how Wilbur eulogized Charlotte? "It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both." If someone can say that of me some day, I will have enjoyed a life well lived.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Dona Nobis Pacem
30 Days of Honesty -- Playing Catch Up

I was turned on to this meme by Snarkela. Since I began this blog as a snapshot, an honest chronicle of who I am at this moment, it seems like a good idea.
Since today is November 3, I'm going to answer 3 of the questions now so I can face tomorrow, all caught up.
30 Days of Honesty
Day 1 :: Something you hate about yourself. Laziness. Sloth. I think it's a manifestation of my immaturity, because if a task or topic truly interests me, I can hold it in my teeth like a terrier with a sock and shake it until it's exhausted. But if I'm not motivated, I can just sit on the sofa, doing nothing, filling myself with self loathing.
Day 2 :: Something you love about yourself. I am hopeful. Maybe not about the resolution of a given situation, I can be rather hopeless about some things. But about life itself. I know every day is full of little joys and miracles and I'm fortunate that, no matter how bad my day is, little things like the soft feel of a feline ear or a favorite Motown song on the Oldies Station always somehow find their way to my heart.
Day 3 :: Something you have to forgive yourself for. I stayed in a bad relationship with the wrong man for entirely too long. He did unspeakable things to me and I allowed him to. Because I had confused drama with love, I even baited him into our ugly battles at times. This relationship left me with both physical and emotional scars. I have own the fact that I allowed it -- that I valued myself so cheaply -- so that I never let it happen again. And then I have to forgive myself.
Trying to set the reset button

I slept in (past 8:00 AM!) and did two loads of laundry in my own laundry room (first time since September!). It was good to be able to bleach my undies again.
Took a nap and ordered myself barbecue ribs and followed Illinois' complicated gubernatorial election.
I feel better, but I still have this sense of dread -- mostly about my mother's mental acuity and my oldest friend's recent relocation to California. My mom is frighteningly, progressively more willful and forgetful these days and my friend's freshman-aged daughter is, I fear, on the verge of making some serious mistakes at her new high school. The girl is going from a conservative suburb in Illinois' DuPage Co. to Beverly Hills High. I'm not sure that posts that say, "Itz Halloween motherfuckers" and "u r a fag but my fag" and references to suicide are the way to represent her to her new classmates, or my friend to the mothers of her new classmates.
I worry. I worry. I worry. But I'm trying to let go what I can't change and just move on. And I do feel better today. Maybe blissful, uninterrupted sleep really is what I needed.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Self Portrait
If you believe in the power of words ...

10 on Tuesday

1) Clear, blue skies above
2) Voting
3) Knowing that my niece was up early and at the polls before 7:00 this morning because she volunteered to work as a judge
4) Having a project on my plate that requires some creativity/flexibility
5) Nanowrimo gives me an opportunity for even more creativity/flexibilitiy
6) Watching my cat Joey power nap (he looks so damn sweet when he sleeps, which only stands to reason because he's such a dear, gentle soul)
7) Chiquita Apple Bites make it easy for even the laziest person (me) to snack healthy
8) My MLB Cubs checks, that make me smile a bit as I pay my bills
9) Knowing I can listen to the Beatles anytime I want to (and will!)
10) My TBR pile -- sometimes I find it daunting but right now I find a neverending supply of books comforting
Monday, November 01, 2010
Movie Monday -- Boozing

Arthur. When this movie came out in 1981, I was completely charmed. Dudley Moore played the world's most adorable drunk, a millionaire who never had to deal with the downside to his behavior (except, as his loyal and riotously funny butler liked to point out, his breath). Watch it now and it's more than a little shocking. His alcoholism is nothing more than an endearing character flaw, and his drunk driving is played for laughs. Today it's still funny, but it's also a powerful reminder of how much our attitude toward drinking has changed since the 1980s.
The Verdict. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Paul Newman is the coolest guy ever. Hip, funny and filled with effortless charm. Which is why his performance in The Verdict is so jarring and effective. His Frank Galvin is washed up, having drunk his career away, reduced to perpetually sweaty palms and ambulance chasing. There's still a majesty and romance to him when he remembers why he became a lawyer, and when he stumbles upon a medical malpractice case that touches something deep in him, he sees the courtroom as his venue for redemption.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
What a story!

And I like Clint Eastwood so much more as a director than I ever did as an actor.
Trick or treaters were buzzing around here
Sunday Stealing
1. What inspires you to blog? I'm trying create an honest snapshot of who I am now. The anonymity helps me be more candid.
2. What’s the best thing about blogging, for you? More than once I have received sincere support I have received in times of sadness and stress from my regulars in the blogosphere. You know how you are, and I hope you realize how much your messages have meant to me. There's something so very touching about knowing that people who have seen my inner self -- good, bad and sometimes petulant and ugly -- still took the time to send prayers and positivity.
3. What is your favorite book of all time? JFK: Reckless Youth by Nigel Hamilton
4. It’s 9pm and for some reason you’ve been hungry all day, despite the three square meals. What do you rustle up? Either a sandwich or a bowl of cereal
5. Who are three of your style icons? Three? I don't have three. I still turn to Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear.
6. What’s your current favorite song/piece of music?
7. What is the last book you read? Fragile by Lisa Unger. It was very, very good -- a girl from a small town is missing, the clock is ticking, the authorities are trying to find her and the teens know stuff they're not telling. It's about more than this one case, though. It's about families and life in small towns and how history unfortunately keeps repeating itself.
8. What is your current favorite recipe? I open the bag of Dole Classic Iceberg Salad, put the greens in a bowl, throw in some slivered almonds, grated cheese and raisins, mix it all up and cover it with French dressing. (Hey! I never said I was a chef!)
9. Who or what first inspired you to set up your own blog? I had a lot in my head and heart and, since I'm a writer, writing is how I process stuff.
10. What object could you not live without? This here laptop.
11. Where do you see yourself in ten years? Hopefully still writing -- perhaps freelancing -- with this very roof over my head. By then I'd love to have this place paid off.
12. Who or what made you into the person you are today? Possibly a million cans of Coke.
13. What have your learned from blogging? See #2.
14. Knowing what you know now, what knowledge would you pass on to your past self? I wish I'd appreciated my size 6 self more. I only saw the flaws. In retrospect, I was gorgeous! And I didn't enjoy it.
15. Sunday roasts - lunchtime or evening meal? Whatever time the cook chooses to serve it to me. Since I'm not much on preparation, I don't feel I have any right to be picky.
16. What has been your best blogging-related experience so far? See #2.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Saturday 9
1. Many of my friends have commented they cannot discuss politics with co-workers, family, friends and others without conflict rearing its ugly head. Do you feel you can talk with your family and friends about this particularly divisive election? Yes. We all endured the Blagojevich scandal, so by now I can pretty much predict where everyone stands on our Senate and gubernatorial campaigns. Which leads me to warn all you non-Illinoisans out there: don't believe the pundits who say this is a referendum on Barack Obama. This is about Chicago v downstate, the vacuum left by Mayor Daley's upcoming retirement and the lack of his political muscle, and most of all, Blago. The Prez is only a peripheral factor.
2. Do you know who you're voting for in next week's election? How did you decide? Governor is easy. Bill Brady, while an honest and wholly decent man, is entirely too socially conservative for my taste. Senator is more difficult in that I'm not sure either candidate is honest and wholly decent, and they aren't that far apart on the issues the matter most to me. I'll probably end up voting for Alexi because, well, I'm a Democrat. But if Kirk wins, my response will most likely be a shrug.
3. What do you think is the most important issue in next Tuesday's election? Here in Illinois, it's corruption. After all, our former governor (Blago) tried to sell the seat of our former senator (Obama). And because of Blago's interesting approach to governing, the state is broke. I am not proud of this, but I voted for Rod Blagojevich ... twice. Confessing this as the election approaches is cleansing.
4. Can you go a day without laughing? No. And I don't have to as long as I have the above clip to refer back to.
5. Do you think that you can chose who you want to love? No. You can choose where to stay and when to go, but not who to love.
6. Have you ever been on stage? For what? In New York, I took the tour of Radio City Music Hall. And even though we were asked not to, I snuck out onto the stage. I had to. It's hard to see the audience from the stage, but when I looked up, I saw all these neat stage decorations above my head. I distinctly remember a HUGE, way larger than life, bunch of bananas.
7. Would you ever live in a different country? If yes, where? I move to England to become Lady McCartney. I hear the job is open these days.
8. Any plans for Halloween? Not beyond the bag of Tootsie Roll Midgies I bought to distribute to the handful of kids who live in this condo building.
9. The last costume that you wore, what was it and why did you choose it? Don't recall the last one, but my most memorable one was Harpo Marx. At first my friends thought it was a riot that I had to be mute. But after hearing me express myself with the bicycle horn for a while, they began to beg me to start talking again.
Audible earwig
Lyrics | Pablo Cruise lyrics - Love Will Find A Way lyrics
Friday, October 29, 2010
And then I crashed

Thursday, October 28, 2010
Now where did this come from?
I've discussed it with both my shrink and my oldest friend. My shrink says that while just "letting it go" has always been very hard for me, it's something I have to do because holding on to this serves no purpose. My oldest friend says that, when she finds herself fixating on something upsetting, she conjures up some Barry Manilow tune.
At first I mocked her technique, but my distraction tactic is just as cheesey. As I pass Crazy Old Neighbor's scratches, gouges and paint splatters, I think of the theme from Who's the Boss? I have no idea why this is what popped into my mind, but it did and I'm sticking with it. It's lighthearted, if you don't dwell on the tragic irony of the lyrics.
"The choice is up to you, my friend." As I write this post, my cat Reynaldo is at my side for his evening snuggle. Old sitcoms, affectionate kitties, the new PEOPLE with William and Kate on the cover ... There are dozens of things every day that can make you happy if you let them. Every day gives us the opportunity for "a brand new life." Being unable to see that is what made Crazy Old Neighbor such a pathetic bastard.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
He's happy
I Want Wednesday
The thermometer or the calendar?
Yet on my way to the train, I saw people wearing heavy jackets and gloves. Gloves, for pity's sake!

Goodness knows it gets cold here in Chicagoland. And once the temperature drops, it tends to stay low for months. So why are people so eager to get into their winter gear? Are they dressing for the calendar rather than the temperature?
Or are they just happy to wear their fall/winter clothes again. I know that when we see the 40ºs later this week, I will enthusiastically pull l out one of my new cashmere sweaters.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Queen's Meme -- What's in a Name?
To play along yourself, click here.
1. Your Superhero Name (2nd fave color + fave drink): Yellow Coke
2. Your Peace Name (Zen + your last peace globe #) OH! Don't have one yet? Go here. Zen 57
3. Your American Idol Name (fav car and seafood) Mustang Crabcake
4. If you could pick another name for yourself, what would it be? Shannon or Shauna or Cheryl. Something "Sh" sounding.
5. Your Twitter Name (Chirpie + your favorite bird) Chirpie Wren
6. Name 1 thing you wish you'd said today that would have made your day go better? "I won't be coming into the office today."
7. Go HERE to find your Royal Name and reveal it to us. Queen Elizabeth the Astonishing
10 on Tuesday

1) She has begun tweezing/shaping her eyebrows, which makes her feel very mature.
2) She has three colleges picked out. Her top two preferences are out of state.
3) She is very funny. She not only makes me laugh, she laughs easily herself.
4) She has a crush on John Krasinski of The Office. This embarrasses her. I mean, she actually blushes when it comes up. This confuses me, as I've always flown my "fan girl" banner high.
5) She is a movie buff. Her favorite film maker is Tim Burton.
6) She seems to have two speeds -- "insanely busy" and "slug."
7) She is very close to, and loving with, my mother.
8) She's loyal, having the same bestie, Alison, since second grade.
9) They could not be more different, as illustrated by an assignment they had in 8th grade. To enhance their public speaking skills, each student had to pick a news story and deliver a 5 minute talk, summarizing the story and explaining its impact. My niece chose Rolling Stone's allegations of massive voter fraud in Ohio during the 2004 Presidential election. Alison chose Britney Spears driving with her baby facing the wrong way in his car seat.
10) Her favorite Beatle is George -- because of, not in spite of, all that Indian music he did. Go figure.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Movie Monday -- The King of Horror

Carrie. My first King, and still my favorite. How good is this movie? Sissy Spacek got her first Oscar nomination as best actress for it. The Academy doesn't often pay attention to horror, but this one is so good it couldn't be ignored. Not only is the lead performance terrific, the story is unbeatable. It depicts teenage angst at its most extreme and gives us a sympathetic serial killer we can root for!
Special note: Carrie is closest to my heart, but it never appears in my nightmares. That book IT has that honor. Unfortunately, it was a made-for-TV movie and not just of the quality of Carrie.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Sunday Stealing
1. Have you turned the heat on in your house yet this fall? No.
2. Do you allow your pets on the furniture? Yes. Well, wait, on the other hand, no. I mean, one doesn't "allow" cats to do anything. My feline roommates do as they please, and afford me the same freedom.
3. What were your final words for September? "It's payday!" Those are my final words for every month.
4. What are your first words for October? "Birthday!" My young nephew's birthday is during the first week and celebrating requires preparation.
5. Do you think you’ve ever seen a ghost? Nope.
6. What is the one color that represents this time of year? Orange.
7. Which of your senses do you think is most sensitive this time of year? Smell. I love spicy/cinnamon scented things.
8. What is your favorite thing to do at the county fair? I've never been to a county fair.
9. What do you like when you have a cold? Solitude and orange juice
10. Are you willing to spend over $100 for a piece of winter clothing, like boots or a coat? Yes. Especially good, warm waterproof boots.
12. What do you have too much of in your kitchen? Cereal.
13. What gripes do you have about this time of year? Switching from sandals to real shoes. My painted piggies yearn to breathe free!
14. Other than yourself, are you responsible for getting anyone ready in the morning? No.
15. When was the last time you cleaned your gutters? Never.
16. So, it’s after Labor Day. Will you still be wearing white? If I so wish. Stacy and Cli

17. What shows are you most looking forward to this Fall? New episodes of NCIS. Gibbs is my TV boyfriend.
18. What three things have you just not gotten around to from the summer, but probably should do before snow flies? Clean the carpet, empty out the den, get the sofa cushions cleaned.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Saturday 9
1. What are you proud of? I have a way with critters.
2. What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize? How did you win it? When I was in third grade, I won $10 from the local newspaper in the "My Favorite Teacher" essay contest.
3. Tell us about something you've done that in retrospect was a waste of time. Whenever I start looking at the Linked-In networking site, I find that someone I know is connected to

4. How old were you when life changed the most for you? How did it change? 21. I began my career as an advertising writer and all my horizons (professional, personal, fiscal) were expanded.
5. Tell us about a place you that you've been that you considered to be very tranquil. Atop the Hot Springs Mountain Tower. Go up to the observation deck and you're more than 1000 feet above Hot Spring, AR, overlooking some very beautiful country. It's never very crowded up there, giving you the perfect opportunity to reflect.
6. Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why? John Oliver of The Daily Show. Because just looking at him makes me laugh. Oh! You mean a real anchor? Mika Brzezinski from Morning Joe. MJ is my favorite news show because representatives from both sides of the political divide are given a chance to talk at length, not just in sound bites. And because it's funny.
7. If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it? Why? Galtopia.
8. What is something about which you've always wondered but have not yet found a good answer? Who believes Snuggies are a necessity?
9. When you can't go to sleep, what is your personal remedy to help yourself drift into Lullabyland? I don't have one. I'll check other answers and maybe adopt one.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Hello, I love you

Thursday, October 21, 2010
I'm jealous

Naughty Gal
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Maybe 2011 will be the year
