John would have approved

When my mom died, my friend John didn't send a card or attend her funeral service. Instead he did something more lasting. He told me that you never miss your mother more than on your birthday, and since Thanksgiving and my birthday always fall close together, he predicted that holiday would be especially hard for me. From that moment on, he said, we would always spend Thanksgiving together. Him and me and his oldest friend Gregory, who I also know and like. Gregory had also lost his parents by this point, so John christened our celebration Orphan's Thanksgiving.

We never cooked. It was always at a nice eatery with a prix fixe menu -- always turkey. No short ribs or lasagna for us. And I had to dress up! John said he was sick of seeing me in Cubs t-shirts. Sometimes it was more than just the three of us. If you were an orphan, you were welcome. One year I remember Kurt joined us. He'd just lost his partner of many years and was still grieving. Kurt was off to Hawaii for Christmas, feeling a change of scene would help him heal. But he'd forgotten Thanksgiving. What to do on Thanksgiving. John to the rescue!

John died this past spring. The last time he, Gregory and I were healthy and happy together was Thanksgiving 2023. I wasn't sure Gregory would want to continue our tradition but he did! I was relieved and happy ... and a little afraid it would be sad that it would be just the two of us.

Only it wasn't. 

Early in the week, Will from my movie group asked if I had plans for Thanksgiving. His sister and cousins live in Long Island and he's going there for Christmas but he can't afford to fly out twice in a month's time. The neighbor he has been spending Thanksgiving with has Parkinson's and went into assisted living.

Before I invited him to join us, I checked with Gregory and got a thumbs up. After all, Will meets the criteria: he's an orphan. So there would be three after all.

I was a little nervous about it. Gregory and Will never met. Gregory can be nervous and shy with new people. What I didn't know is that Will is nervous with new people, too, but compensates by getting VERY blabby. So it worked out nicely. Will talked and Gregory was an attentive audience. I was especially happy at the end of the night when I saw them exchanging their contact information. Gregory is 71 now but in good shape but bored, and Will is going to try to get him a part-time job.

I feel like the evening unfolded just as John would have wanted it to. 

Photo by Enis Yavuz on Unsplash

November Challenge -- Day 30

 November Challenge: One thing you're excited for

Find the challenge here

The TCM Classic Film Festival this April. I've got my hotel room booked and the passes go on sale December 10. While it hasn't been announced yet, I suspect that they will show The Wizard of Oz on the big screen, a movie I haven't seen in a theater in decades. But whatever slate of classic films await me, I know I will discover new-to-me gems among the old favorites.

In addition to the movies, I'll get to reunite with classic film nerds I've met and kept up with via Facebook. I know it's fashionable to slag social media. I agree that since Elon Musk took over, Twitter has become a hellscape of hate and misinformation. But Facebook and -- to a far lesser extent for me -- Instagram have enabled me to keep up with people across the months and the miles so that when we meet again, it's like no time has elapsed at all.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

Saturday 9

 
Saturday 9: Thank You (2000)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This week's song begins with Dido complaining about her day, but then she sees a photo of a loved one that reminds her "it's not so bad." What was the most recent photo you took? We had Thanksgiving dinner at Cooper's Hawk Winery and they have a nice mixed drink menu. This is my Dark Chocolate (vodka, dark chocolate liqueur, and Bailey's).

2) She admits that between a hangover and her finances, she's got a headache. What's your go-to headache remedy? Advil (ibuprofen).

3) Though her given name is Florian, her family started calling her Dido when she was very young, so she considers it her "real" name. Which is not to say she likes it. She said being christened one name but called another was confusing when she was a little girl. Plus, since neither Florian nor Dido are common monikers, she didn't appreciate the way her names made her stand out at school. "I used to wish I'd been named Claire," she says. Do you like your name? Do you feel it suits you? Not especially. I think it lacks gravitas and sounds eternally girlish. I wish I'd been named Margaret or Elizabeth ... names that come with a variety of diminutives.

4) In 2000, the year this week's song was on the charts, AOL merged with media giant Time Warner. In 2022 it was estimated 70% of us check our personal (not business) email daily. That's down from 74% in 2020. How often do you check your email? Several times a day. More often than I check my texts. When I'm home, my cell is either charging on the kitchen counter or languishing in my purse, while my laptop is always out and usually on.

5) "Thank You" is this week's song because November 28 was Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this year? The gift of optimism. This has been a painful year for me and the losses weigh heavily, but I'm grateful that I have the God-given capacity to face forward and find joy in every day.

6) At the first Thanksgiving, there were no forks. Pilgrims ate with spoons and knives. How many forks were at your Thursday place setting? Two. One for the meal and one for dessert. Of course, that's because we were at a restaurant. At home, I don't do the multiple fork thing.

7) It's estimated that nearly 50 million pumpkin pies are baked for Thanksgiving. Was it on your Thursday menu? Not pumpkin pie. But the wonderful people at Eli's created a pumpkin praline cheesecake for the season.

You can order Eli's for yourself here

8) A recent poll revealed that we are a divided country, with cranberry sauce being named both most and least favorite Thanksgiving side dish. Where are you on this controversy? I give it a thumbs up.

9) The day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday, the unofficial start of the holiday shopping season and sales. Walmart, Best Buy and Target all advertise heavily on Black Friday. If you could have a $100 gift card from one of those stores, which would you choose? What would you buy? Normally I would say Target, because it's my grocery store and well, more than a week's worth of free food would be nice. However Best Buy sells cordless stick vacuums and, with two cats, I find these light and quiet appliances life changing. (I scored a Black and Decker at kohls.com and between the sales price and a credit cardholder discount, it was just $98.99. Yay, me!)

I can't wait for it to arrive

 

November Challenge -- Day 29

November Challenge: Five weird things you like

Find the challenge here

1. Falling down rabbit holes. I look up a thing and then it takes me to another thing and before I know it, an hour is gone. For example, I recently stumbled upon a documentary about Lee Harvey Oswald's wedding ring. He took it off on the morning of 11/22/63 and left it, along with all his cash, in a teacup on the nightstand beside his sleeping wife and then went off to kill the President. The Secret Service took custody of it along with Oswald's other personal possessions. It languished in the home of a Fort Worth lawyer until upon his death it was returned to Oswald's widow. After all, it had no direct connection to the assassination. In 2013 she sold it at auction for $108,000, and now it's in the Dallas Sixth Floor Museum. PS Did you know Jackie's iconic pillbox hat from that day is still missing? It's true. Everything else she wore that day, right down to her blood-stained nylons, is locked away at the National Archives. But no one has seen the hat since Jackie removed it at Parkland Hospital. I have my suspicions ... (<<< I am such a nerd.)

2. Chocolate milk. I drink it every day. Yes, I really am 67. Don't judge me.

3. Breaking down boxes. It's my favorite part of my job at the card shop, yet nobody else wants to do it. When shipment comes in, and all the new merchandise is unpacked, there's always boxes to ready for the recycling bin.

4. Putting laundry away. It means I'm done with the chore and I feel accomplished.

5.  Eating my portions one at a time. Example: I finish all of my vegetables before I touch the main course. I don't see why this is weird, but people have commented on it, so it must be. (My icky grandmother used to spurt in frustration at family dinners.)

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

November Challenge: Day 28

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Somewhere you would like to move or visit

Move? No freaking way! First of all, this is where I belong. Yes, it gets cold in December, January (and sometimes February), but I appreciate all four seasons. Plus, I dislike heat way more than cold.

Second, there are advantages of living here. I learned this when my oldest friend decamped to SoCal and Reg and Henry moved to Key West. 

Public transportation. Reg and Henry seldom drove when they lived here but when they got to Key West they had to invest in a second car. My oldest friend found driving in SoCal traffic incredibly stressful. I don't even have a car.

The economy. Reg and Henry were, at one point, working five jobs between them to maintain a middle-class lifestyle. My oldest friend had a much tougher time finding/keeping jobs than she ever had here.

Climate. No, I don't mean weather. I mean politics. While Key West is very welcoming, the State of Florida, as a whole, is not. The Governor actually proclaimed that "Florida is where woke goes to die!" That's some ugly shit, as though diversity, equality and inclusion are somehow bad. Imagine being a tax payer in a state where your elected official dismiss you, as Henry and Reg (as a biracial gay couple) were dismissed by Desantis. I love it that, for all Illinois' faults, my state's vision matches my own.

Stuff to do. There's always a movie or restaurant or program at the library that I can walk to. There's live theater and, of course, the Cubs just a short train ride away. If you're bored here, it's because you're boring.

Ah, but where would I like to visit? I'd like to go back. There are so many places I've been before that I'd love to return to, like the spas in Colonial Williamsburg and Hot Springs, Arkansas. And Graceland! Graceland was great fun. Hawaii was other wordly, I'd like to see that again, too.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

  

Thursday Thirteen #388

Giving a little love to Gen X. Ah, the sandwich generation, between Baby Boomers and Millennials. Born between 1965 and 1980, they are a smaller demographic so marketers and advertisers don't give them as much attention. But if I was still in the game, promoting insurance and financial services, Gen Xers are the ones I'd concentrate on. They're still working, so they have money, but they are looking at retirement. Many have aging Boomer parents and struggling Millennial kids to worry about. I imagine long-term security is top of mind. 

Anyway, I found these factoids about Gen Xers as consumers.

1. More than either Boomers or Millennials, they prefer shopping brick-and-mortar to being online.

2. This could be because Gen Xers are mindful consumers when it comes to data and privacy issues.

3. They are the group least likely to use online pharmacies. I suspect it's because they're suspicious of their data being compromised.

 

4. Gen Xers are the group most that pays the most attention to Facebook ads.

 

5. Similarly, they are the ones who are most likely to follow a restaurant, store, or product on social media.

6. They research before they spend money. These are the consumers who are most likely to check Yelp and Google and Angi list reviews. They're also most likely to post reviews.

7. Gen Xers will spend more for quality.

8. They also expect their products to last. They aren't technophobes but are slower to embrace new technology because they value durability in their phones and laptops.

9. Gen Xers love rewards. They are the demographic most likely to sign up for points, miles, cash back, etc. 

10. They expect/demand good service. This is the age group that gave us "Karen."

11. Women in this age group are the target shopper for QVC and HSN.

 

12. Nostalgia works best with this group. It's suspected that's why Disney has been so successful marketing to Gen Xers.

13. When it comes to travel, Gen Xers are the ones most likely to vacation in a group with either family or friends, making them the target market for VRBO and Airbnb.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

 

November Challenge: Day 27

Find the challenge here

 

November Challenge: A quote you try to live by

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? The American Duchess: The Real Wallis Simpson by Anna Pasternak. Who was she, anyway? What's the big deal? I've heard about her all my life and yet I only know the bare bones of her story. 

I recently read a biography of Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy which focused on what happens when a beloved man marries a woman the public doesn't approve of and I hear echoes here. Not to mention those other high-profile divorcees, Meghan Markle and Camilla Parker-Bowles. Then there's the bride the whole world approved of but who ended up miserable: Diana. 

But the woman who encouraged me to finally buckle down and read about Wallis was Elizabeth Taylor. They were friends, in part because Wallis was sympathetic to Taylor during her high-profile extramarital affair with Richard Burton. Liz was very loyal and continued to visit and correspond with the Duchess till the end of Wallis' life.

 
2. What did you recently finish reading?  Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century by Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger. This is a re-read for me. If I hadn't lived through their saga, I don't know if I would have believed it. The jewels, the furs, the yachts! The gala premieres and the Oscar nominations! Everything was so over the top, including the public's appetite for more, more, more about them.

 

Before everyone had cameras on their phones, paparazzi were especially pernicious and the two women they honed their skills on were Elizabeth Taylor and Jacqueline Kennedy. Their reign of terror reached its apex with the death of Princess Diana. One of the things I enjoyed about this book was how Taylor dealt with them. While Jackie got a court order to protect her privacy and Diana tried to manipulate them but failed, Liz just kinda sort rolled with it. Famous since the age of 12, she viewed the intrusion as an unfortunate part of her job. There's a bedrock sanity to Elizabeth despite the ridiculous excesses of her life and I admired her.

Also, Taylor and Burton were magic on film. That often gets lost and I also appreciated hearing about how classics like Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Anne of the Thousand Days came to be.

 
3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

November Challenge: Day 26

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Things you like/dislike about yourself

Here are my likes:

1) I am a good writer

2) The gift of empathy

3) My dimples

4) Every day I try to be a good person

Now for the icks:

1) Laziness

2) Pettiness

3) I'm not good with the manual dexterity thing (I'm insanely proud of myself when I replace a screw)

4) Set in my ways

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

Teaser Tuesday

Here's how to play.

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!) 

This is from Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century by Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger. There are many references to Mike Todd, Taylor's third husband, the one who died in a plane crash who left her a widow at 26. Because their marriage was so short and ended so tragically, she romanticized him for the rest of her life. Here's how the humorist SJ Perelman described Todd in real time:

Todd’s living up to his legend, standing off from himself and admiring this Napoleonic figure he’s created by producing War and Peace and The Life of Toscanini at the same time he’s releasing Oklahoma! and preparing Around the World in 80 Days and sleeping with 16 dames alternately and flying back from Las Vegas and leaving for Paris tomorrow and arriving from London yesterday.

 

 

November Challenge: Day 25

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Something you're currently worrying about

This year, at the age of 67, for the very first time, I am working retail on Black Friday.

My former boss Ceecee and current coworker Rose tell me it's nothing to worry about because we have no special Black Friday sales.

My regular shift manager Jen tells me it's important and stressful because shoppers who come in on Black Friday are very serious about their holiday decor, cards and wrapping, so I'd better be ready.

 Our new, part-time store manager Katie gave me the shift as a favor -- she is trying to give me as many hours as she can now because come January I'll be down to one day/week. But despite her good intentions, I'm annoyed. I took this job because I expected no stress!

I will be happy when it's November 30 and I'm looking back on this.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

 

 

November Challenge -- Day 24

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Five words/phrases that make you laugh

I'm putting a different spin on this. Here are five words I just enjoy saying.

1.  Deuteronomy

2. Gubernatorial

3. Nincompoop

4. Bumbershoot

5.  Boondoggle

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

 

November Challenge: Day 23

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Something you miss

Henry and John. John and Henry. My first birthday/Thanksgiving/Christmas without them.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to Me

 

Mine had a birthday candle

Joanna took me to lunch at The Walnut Room! Dining around The Great Tree is a venerable Chicago holiday tradition. The Walnut Room is the first restaurant ever opened in an American store -- more than 100 years ago, when the big store on State Street was still Marshall Field's. The whole store was decorated for the holidays, we dined off the special menu, had Frango Mint pie, and posed before The Great Tree.

 Before lunch we zipped through the Christkrindlemarket, the German-themed collection of shops under the Picasso at Daley Plaza. The first day it was open this year was yesterday, Friday, 11/22. My birthday! Tell me that was a mere coincidence.

 

 

I really appreciate the way Joanna fussed over me. This was my first birthday without John and Henry -- I wore a necklace Henry chose for me years ago -- and I've been feeling lonely without them. Also, she was so thoughtful. She planned everything with military precision and even gave me the sweetest note and postcard collection. Joanna's life is not without its own complications right now -- she's watching her lover, Sid, deal with failing health and her business is struggling -- but she made me a priority yesterday and it touched my heart.

Then there were the gifts:

•  A holiday welcome mat featuring a cat in a Santa cap from my aunt

•  A movie trivia game from my cousin Rose

•  A Beatles poster on canvas from my oldest friend

I got texts and calls and Facebook messages. Bud and Kwizgiver gave me shoutouts (hell, Kwizgiver gave me a whole post!). I know Kathleen and I will get together before year-end to celebrate my birthday and hers in December.* 

 

I am happy. It's been a good birthday.

 

 

*My friend Mindy promises we'll meet, but I'll believe that when it happens. I'm still waiting for her and John to settle on a date for Christmas 2023.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: My Baby Just Cares for Me (2016)

Unfamiliar with this week's song? Hear it here.

1) Michael Buble sings that his lover doesn't care much about the theater or new clothes. Which have you done more recently -- attended a play or movie or added to your wardrobe? Clothes. This is not by design. There are movies -- The Substance, Here, now Conclave -- that I want to see at the theater but just haven't managed to haul my ass over there. This may be a good time to catch Conclave, as I think everyone will be headed to the theater to see Wicked and there won't be any line for Conclave.

2) This song was first performed in 1930, 45 years before Buble was born. What pop song do you love that is far older than you are? "More Than You Know" was published in 1929. This is my favorite version. (I wish this clip ran to the end of the song/scene.)

If you're in a mood to compare/contrast: Here's an earlier version by Sinatra. Except for the corny backup singers, I like this better than the one he recorded decades later.

 

3) The video for this song features a spinning vinyl record. Do you still have a turntable? Nope.

4) Michael is currently appearing on The Voice. Are you watching this season? Nope.

5) Of all his albums, Michael Buble's Christmas CD is his top seller. Now that we're in the month of November it's time for you to weigh in: When do you think it's appropriate to start playing holiday songs? Thanksgiving Day. (After all, there are no Thanksgiving carols.)

6) He unwinds by fishing, and he's very good at it. Fishing is a sport that requires lots of gear. Is there anyone in your life that has a hobby or passion that makes them easy to shop for? My nephew has inherited my Cubbie love. Here's his Christmas present. It's marketed by a firm that specializes in Yankee merchandise, so I doubt he's even seen it. I am quite sure he'll love it.

7) Michael is a good cook and enjoys whipping up spaghetti bolognese. What's on the menu at your home this weekend? I have a "birthday bonus" from the local Chinese restaurant, and I like their crab rangoon, so I see that in my future.

8) In 2016, when Michael Buble released this song, the United States Postal Service posthumously honored child star Shirley Temple with a postage stamp. Decades after leaving Hollywood, she served as US Ambassador to Ghana. Could you find Ghana on a map or globe? Nope.

9) Random question -- You neglected that soft drink and now it's gone flat. Do you drink it anyway or dump it down the drain? I'd probably swig it down anyway.

 

November Challenge: Day 22

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Your academics

This one is easy: I'm a community college drop out.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

 

 

November Challenge: Day 21

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: How you hope your future will be

Now that I'm retired, I hope for more of the same for as long as possible. 

•  I'm OK financially -- at least for now; Trump's tariffs scare the living shit out of me. 

•  While I'm achy and creaky, I'm healthy enough. 

•  In addition to loving my niece and nephew, I like the adults they have become. 

•  I have a handful of good girlfriends and my movie group. 

•  My cats are healthy and I can afford to provide them with the care they deserve. 

•  I'm lucky enough to have my passions: movies, books, the Beatles and baseball. I know people who are rarely enthusiastic and I'm grateful to really love what I love. This has been my salvation when I've been really blue.

•  My little job at the card shop gives my weeks structure and keeps me learning new things. 

•  I just embarked on another dental adventure. By this time next year, I'd like my overall dental health to be good enough that I can put that money and attention into my home. Fingers crossed.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

Thursday Thirteen #387

Generational grocery shopping. As I've been bingeing on marketing research, here are some of the differences I've uncovered about my generation vs. Millennials.

1. When it comes to grocery shopping, Boomers may shop online now and again but they more frequently go to the supermarket.

 

2. Millennials consider their grocery shopping channels interchangeable. They are just as comfortable shopping on their phone or their laptop as they are in store. Makes no difference to them.

 

3. Baby Boomers shop less often (once or twice/week) and they shop with the goal of executing a weekly meal plan or filling the refrigerator or pantry.

 

4. Millennials are fine with shopping more often, only buying one or two things each time.

5. Boomers tend to go into the grocery store with a plan. They shop off lists and follow a familiar path through the store.

6. When physically onsite, Millennials are more likely to wander the aisles and impulse shop.

7.  Boomers seek out savings and will change their grocery shopping habits (example: go to Whole Foods instead of Trader Joe's) if there's a sale.

8. Millennials are more likely to shop wherever it's convenient.

9. Baby Boomers are more to likely recall and respond to TV commercials.

 

10. Millennials rely more on social media, including influencers, than ads.

11. Baby Boomers are brand loyal, to the extent that they enjoy buying products like Jim Beam and Colgate Toothpaste that their parents did.

12. Millennials are more willing to try new brands.

13. Given the choice, Boomers will buy the healthier option over the more eco-friendly one. Millennials are the opposite.

How about you? Do you shop more like a Millennial or a Boomer?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

 

November Challenge: Day 20

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Your fears

I have two big ones, and they have just gotten worse with time:

1. Being in a plane crash. Not dying. Dying doesn't bother me. It's those moments before impact that terrifies me. The g-force, hearing the terror of the other passengers ... shudder!

2. Lack of independence. I don't want to have to depend on anyone to take care of me. 

Gee, this has been cheery, hasn't it?

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century by Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger. This is a re-read for me. I'm suffering post-election blues and I need a dose of passion and glamor. Rome, London, Celigny, Beverly Hills. Private planes and yachts. Paintings and oh! The jewels! Oh yeah, and some really terrific movies.

 
2. What did you recently finish reading?  Bad Influence by Alison Gaylin. Boston PI Sunny Randall finds herself in what is for her unfamiliar territory: social media. A hot young influencer, Blake James, is being stalked and his savvy manager Kris Jenner Bethany Rose hires Sunny to both act as bodyguard and, hopefully, unmask the stalker.

I found this book undeniably entertaining but also frustrating because I often felt I was a step or two ahead of Sunny. I felt like yelling, "C'mon, Girl!" She was so scattered and unfocused!

Still, I like Sunny and her best friend Spike. The social media backdrop was different. I'm glad I read it.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.