Thursday Thirteen #339

 13 Pretty Gifts. It's that time when we look for the perfect, thoughtful holiday gift. None of these are things a person would be likely to buy themselves. Many are personalized, and all are under $50.

1. Personalized pocket mirror. She'll be proud to take this out of her purse to check her makeup. You choose the color and the font. (I've purchased three of these already.) $10

2. I Wrote a Book About You. A bound book with pages of fill-in-the-blank statements that help you bring your relationship with a loved on to life. $12

3. Engraved refillable lipstick. You can personalize it with a name or a message (up to 14 characters). $22

4. It's the Question Game. Great for family get-togethers and parties with a diverse group of friends, this box has 150 conversation starters. $23 

5. Custom photo calendar. You choose the 12 pictures that will carry your friend through 2024. The wood frame dresses it up. $28

6. Weighted blanket. This blanket is designed to hug the body, which can help a fitful sleeper enjoy a more restful night. $30

7. Glass soap dispenser. Waterproof, reusable and customizable for the kitchen or the bathroom. This is one of those things none of my friends would ever buy for themselves, but I bet some of them would really like. $31

8. L. L. Bean Boat and Tote. Everyone carries these for shopping, work, picnics, etc. Why not give someone on your gift list a really nice, fashionable, durable one? $34.95 (Monogram $8 extra)

9. Birth flower and birthstone necklace. It's pretty and it's personal. Especially good for women, like me, who are born on the cusp between two astrological signs. There's no ambiguity about your birth month. $35

10. Little Words key chain. Colorful beads -- including 13 that spell out a name or a message -- make a utilitarian key chain more fun. $35

11. Custom disc bracelet. Another one-of-a-kind gift. You can spell out a name, a date, etc., with 12 beads on this bracelet. $38

12. David's Travel with Tea Sachet Wheel. Discover teas from all over the world in a pretty box. $39

13. Whiskey-infused Toothpicks. OK, nobody needs flavored toothpicks. But these sure look fun. $40

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

It's about more than the movies

As the news about Henry gets worse, I admit I have been unraveling. Over the last couple days I have received support from: 

•  Joanna, who chatted with me right up until our movie group Zoom call Monday night, and then joined the call because she wanted to see for herself that I'm OK

•  Elaine, who sent me a text from her cruise (my first-ever ship-to-shore text!)

I met both Joanna and Elaine through our movie Meet Up. I am so grateful for their friendship. I had no idea on that day in May 2013 that I would expand my life in so many wonderful ways.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Candy Slain Murder by Maddie Day. Why is it that when I decided I wanted a Christmas read, I went for a murder mystery? Not a holiday romance, not a tale of a fractious family reuniting on Christmas Eve. A murder. Oh well, I can't be that weird in this regard because there are plenty of Christmas murder mysteries out there to choose from!

 

The one I landed on takes place in South Lick, IN. It's a fictional town about 5 hours from where I live. Except for the weather, we have nothing in common with French Lick. That's why I'm enjoying this. When people talk about "the Midwest," they consider us like a monolith, and we aren't. The author gets this. 

Now about the plot: As this small town prepares for Christmas, news breaks about a fire. Robbie, the proprietress of Pans 'n Pancakes, the town's favorite breakfast spot, is naturally concerned because her lover, Abe, is on the fire department. Then she's riveted by a discovery made by firefighters: they had to get into the burning house through the roof, and in the attic, they found skeletal remains. Who is it? Did someone die in the attic years ago, or were they murdered and their corpse hidden there? 

 

And we're off! As different citizens enter Pans 'n Pancakes, we find their possible connection to the murder. As Robbie serves members of the police force omelets and oj, she learns more about how the case is progressing. During a shopping trip to nearby Nashville (IN), she finds conflicting information.

It's moving at a fast clip, and the Christmas atmosphere feels natural, not forced.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading?  Finding Jackie: A Life Reinvented by Oline Eaton. I truly enjoyed this biography of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Not because I learned anything new about the lady, because I didn't, but because the author put her life in the context of her times. At one point, Eaton said of JFK and Jackie, "We know how the story will end, but they don't." That's how she reframes Jackie for us, contemporaneously. It's very effective.

Was little Jackie Bouvier a bluenose nerd, or was she a rebellious schoolgirl? Yes to both. After college, was she serious about living on her own, or did she want a rich husband? Yes to both. Did Mrs. John F. Kennedy loathe politics, or was she good at it? Yes to both. Was she shattered by grief, or was she eager to escape widowhood? Yes to both. Was she a vacuous jet setter or a woman craving new experience? Here, the author lands firmly on one side: the latter. Eaton makes a convincing case. Did "Jackie O" love her husband, or did she see her second marriage as a means to an end? Yes to both.
 
Eaton quotes fan magazines, women's magazines, news magazines, and newspapers to show us how Jackie's saga unfolded or was sold to the world. It was an enlightening approach that explains much of how Americans have viewed woman's proper role from the 1930s to today.

 

3. What will you read next? More Christmas, if there's time.

Sunday Stealing

 PINK

1. Do you tend to have a guilty conscious? Right now, yes. I restricted the access of my friend, Kathy, to my Facebook profile. Kathy is losing her cognitive abilities and as her world gets smaller, she spends more and more time on Facebook. But she seldom knows what she's doing or what she's talking about. I'm always hiding and deleting her more confused comments to save her embarrassment. Then there's the Messenger issue. She claims to HATE Messenger, but she uses it all the time. If I don't acknowledge her Messenger messages, she emails and texts me to complain I'm ignoring her. If I do answer, she scolds me because I know she HATES Messenger. When I try to explain this to her, she gets angry at me. This week she sent me -- via Messenger, which she insists she doesn't use -- a long complaint about someone named Hartman who, like me, keeps trying to get her to use Messenger, and I restricted her. I don't know any Hartman, I don't give a fuck if she uses Messenger or not, and I just want her to leave me alone. Now I feel guilty. I feel like I should have more compassion for her. But she has approximately 500 Facebook friends. Let her scold, confound and hassle them for a while.

2. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? I have one left. Upper right. It's poking through right now. I suppose at some point in 2024, it's going to have to go.

3. Peanut Butter - creamy or crunchy? Depends on my mood.

4. Get up off your butt. Take 5 steps. Which leg did you start out on? Right.

5. What color is your favorite kitchen utensil? I guess it's nickel plated. It's my ancient, ever-reliable manual can opener. It's at least 25 years old. I love how durable it is.

 

My old friend looks just like this, but more beat up

6. Did you watch the Michael Jackson memorial/funeral? I guess so. I don't remember. I wasn't a fan.

7. Do you know anyone who graduated from high school this year? Were you invited to their graduation party? Did you go? No graduates this year.

8. White with black stripes or black with white stripes? I don't wear a lot of stripes.

9. If we were to call your 6th grade teacher, what would they say about you? She's dead, so good luck with that.

10. Can you draw a perfect circle? No.

11. What was your favorite scratch & sniff sticker scent? I'm sorry but I don't really have one.

12. How many light switches and electrical outlets are in the room that you are in right now? One switch, four outlets.

13. Do you know sign language? I learned the alphabet for a Girl Scout badge and still remember it.

14. Do you step on cracks in the sidewalk? Not intentionally.

15. And the sheets on your bed look like....? White with small blue flowers.

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Wildest Dreams (2014)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

A word about Taylor Swift: I lead Crazy Sam's research and development department and did this Sat 9 more than a month ago, before Ms. Swift was named Person of the Year. So it's just coincidence that it hits now, when she's the focus of so much attention. Example: I work at a card shop that has a gift table. There's a Golden Book devoted to Ms. Swift and it's selling briskly. One twenty-something woman I sold it to was excited because it was going to be a stocking stuffer for her dad, who is a self-proclaimed Swiftie. Another woman, a bit older, was buying it for her husband who became a convert when he accompanied her to Swift's Eras Tour movie. My favorite ballplayer, Anthony Rizzo, has changed his walk up song to "Ready for It." I love that she's receiving this acclaim long after she was an overnight sensation (her first album was 17 years ago) and admire the way she emphasizes that wealth is not greed with her charitable and civic work. She's a positive role model. Brava to Time's Person of the Year!

1) In this song, a tall, handsome man asks Taylor Swift to drive away with him to escape the crowds. Where were you headed when you most recently got behind the wheel? I don't drive, so I wasn't behind the wheel. But I took a rideshare home from the hair salon.

2) She sings about memories of a romance that just "follow you around." Is anyone special on your mind this morning? (It doesn't have to be a romantic partner.) Oh, three of my friends are bedeviling me. Henry has major medical problems. Kathy's cognitive issues are worsening and making her even more difficult. My oldest friend is making unwise decisions ... again. I love Henry and my oldest friend and I feel responsible to Kathy, so this all weighs heavily on me. But I'm trying not to let all this hamper my joy in the moment and the season.

3) The lyrics reference sunset. Now that it gets dark earlier, do you find yourself watching the sun set more often? Nope. I should, too! My living room window faces west. All I have to do is look.

4) The video for this song takes place on a movie set. Swift said it was inspired by tales of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton embarking on a love affair while co-starring in Cleopatra. Elizabeth and Richard fell in love in Rome, while this video was filmed outside of Gaborone, Botswana. In your wildest dreams, which of these exotic locales would you rather visit: Rome or Gaborone? Rome.

 

5) In homage to Elizabeth Taylor, Swift went from blonde to brunette for the video. Do you have an appointment with a stylist between now and year end? Next week.

6) Both Taylors (Swift and Elizabeth) often wore the color purple. What color dominates your wardrobe? Blue.

 

7) In the video, Taylor Swift's leading man is Scott Eastwood, son of Clint. Though not as famous as his dad, Scott works steadily and has more than 30 TV and movie credits. Can you think of another second-generation performer who followed his or her parent into show business?

Michael and Kirk Douglas

8) In 2014, when "Wildest Dreams" topped the charts, Paul McCartney had to reschedule tour dates so he could recover from a bout with the flu. How are you feeling this morning? Any coughs, sneezes, sniffles? I've just gotten over a cold.

9) Random question: How many different zip codes have you lived in throughout your life? Three.

 

 
 

 

He opened his eyes!

My friend Henry survived two surgeries on his brain and opened his eyes. It was only for a moment, and I don't know if he registered recognition. He's still intubated, so he can't speak. 

The surgeon alleviated pressure on his brain by removing two blood clots, so it's a victory that he opened his eyes.

The next few days will be important. Right now he's at increased risk for seizure and stroke.Will he be able to breathe on his own? Can he speak? What about his motor skills? 

I have to wait on his husband, Reg, for word. Reg's own issues these days complicate everything, so I much be patient. Patience doesn't come easily to me, but I'm going to have to hang in there.

Henry is still alive and he opened his eyes. For now, that's all I've got. I love him very much, so I shall cling to that.

Thursday Thirteen #338

 13 things my friend Henry loves. He is the hospital right now, after having undergone two separate surgeries on his brain. His prognosis is not good. But I am trying to send love his way in every way I can. And so here goes.

1. Church music. His favorite part of any church service is the hymns. He much prefers religious Christmas songs to secular, Santa ones.

2. Hospitality. He wanted everyone to feel welcome at his table.

3. Gazpacho. He is very proud of his recipe.

4. Doing the dishes. He not only finds it therapeutic, he's convinced no one does it correctly but him. Really, it made him nuts to watch someone else wash. "Are you going rinse that or let me to towel the soap and food away?"

5. Dogs and cats. His home has always been full of "fur babies." At one point he played father to three dogs and two cats.

6. Frida Kahlo. He loves how she turned her suffering into art. I don't care for Kahlo one bit. Henry feels sorry for me.

7. Books. He loved to read and be around them. At one point he was very happily juggling two jobs: at the public library on weekdays and at a bookstore on weekends. His taste is eclectic. Two of his favorites are The Diary of Anne Frank and Valley of the Dolls (I'm not kidding).

8. Stained glass. He loved admiring it and created a few pieces on his own.

9. Languages. He enjoyed comparing/contrasting the romance languages. He could toggle effortlessly between Spanish and English and could get by in Italian. He could read/write in French but had no confidence in his accent.

10. Travel. I don't mean visiting different lands. Henry enjoyed simply going from hither to yon. Car rides, bus rides, bike rides and walks, even through neighborhoods he knows well.

11. Sophia Loren. He believed she was the most beautiful woman ever and was fascinated that, if you took her face feature by feature, it wasn't so great but put together, she was stunning.

12. Hardware stores. He enjoyed home improvement projects and could wax eloquently on having the right tool for the job. He also insisted that if you're about to take a long road trip, you should make note of all Home Depot stores along the way because they have the cleanest public bathrooms, free to use with purchase. And there's always something you need to buy at The Home Depot.

13. Dressing up. He enjoyed choosing the right shirt for the occasion, whether a dinner he was hosting or church service where he'd be reading the lesson.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

DNR

This is the message Reg sent out to his 532 Facebook friends. I give it to you verbatim:

Decisions are sometimes easy, sometimes difficult and occasionally, impossible.

Tomorrow I must make a life or death choice.

The Doctors at [Hospital Name] have asked me to sign a "Do Not Resuscitate" waiver.

It's just a formality.

Right?

Right?

 

He does not even use Henry's name. With his every action, Reg reminds me that this tragedy is about Reg. Not Henry or those of us who love him. 

 

It was cruel for him to allow me to receive this news as I scroll through the cat videos and holiday hacks on my Facebook feed. I should know by now to expect nothing better from Reg, but he continuously surprises me. 

To make this even more inappropriate, Henry HATED Facebook and Instagram. Even before the accident, he refused to look at social media. He believed the artificial oversharing was as inauthentic and tasteless as reality TV. So it bothers me enormously that, since Henry's bike and that van collided, Reg has shared his husband's private information in a pubic forum. He knows Henry would hate it. His need for attention is greater that Henry's desire for privacy, I guess.*

 

So I guess this means Henry is going to die soon. I think of him, unconscious and head shaved, in a hospital bed surrounded by strangers. His recent hallucinations were all about his family in Puerto Rico. His mother, his father, his older brother, Raul. (Interestingly, not his younger brother.) While his English was perfect when we last spoke on November 22, he seems to have lapsed into Spanish exclusively. 

I think that means he doesn't belong here. Not on the mainland. He is longing for his island home.

I know Henry is a man of deep Christian faith. One of the great wounds of his life has been his rejection by the Catholic church, simply because he fell in love with another man. That was Enrique, an older man he met in school in Ponce on the southern coast. Enrique encouraged Henry to attend graduate school at Northwestern, to follow his dreams of higher education. No one had believed in Henry the way Enrique did. And so they came to Chicago. 

While Henry was working on his PhD and acting as adjunct professor, Enrique was diagnosed with AIDS. For reason he never understood, but was totally grateful for, Henry was spared. He stayed by Enrique's side to the end and, just as importantly, translated all the medical jargon for Enrique's mother in Ponce. For financial reasons, she couldn't get to Chicago and her son. Henry did everything he could to alleviate her confusion and grew very close to her. This was 1988 or 89. He was in his late 20s.

By the time I met him in 1992, Henry had abandoned Northwestern and was working as a Mac production artist at the agency that had just hired me. He pursued our friendship. Insisted on it, in fact. From the moment we met, Henry saw only good things in me. He told me all the time that I was the smartest woman he'd ever met and he couldn't believe I had no college. He had just recently taken up with Reg, who also has no degree. It amazed him that his life in Chicago, the city he came to for his Masters, was anchored by two people who had nothing to do with academia. 

 

I could do post after post about Henry's spontaneous acts of kindness to me and to others. About how he loved me and always, always assumed I had the best intentions -- even when I didn't. The love of animals we shared. His reverence for mothers, everyone's mother. My own mother led a very sheltered life, and Henry was both her first gay and her first Puerto Rican friend.

He was not perfect. He never met a conspiracy theory he didn't at least entertain. He could slide into persecution easily. He was massively stubborn -- as am I -- and that led to our clashes over the years. It is important to remember him dimensionally.

I love Henry. Just knowing him has been a gift. I am making my peace with the fact that I'm going to go on without him. 

*I sort of get that, because I vent here. But names are changed. No one who has ever met Henry in real life has ever read these words. I offered to help Reg set up a blog so he could work through his feelings in a more private forum, where he could keep his own identity and Henry's secret. That never happened. Of course not.

 

Photo by Scott Graham on Unsplash

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Finding Jackie: A Life Reinvented by Oline Eaton. Yes, this is yet another Jackie biography. But this one is different. The author, Oline Eaton, is a woman of about 40, so she barely experienced Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in real time. She approaches the Jackie's story with a definite feminist outlook, viewing her subject as more than an extension of her husbands. So far I am enjoying it. There's no new information here -- it's not that kind of work -- but a great deal of reframing.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Agatha Raisin and the Murderous Marriage by M. C. Beaton. Jimmy Raisin, a dissipated alcoholic who has been living "off the grid" for years, shows up in the Cotswolds, the peaceful country community where his long-ago wife, Agatha, now lives. Jimmy is a disruptor, and bodies start piling up.

As a mystery, this book is fine but rather forgettable. But as an entry in the Agatha Raisin series, it's important. This is where we get to hear Agatha reveal her own backstory, and it's fascinating and it makes a lot of sense. This book explains how and why Agatha became the flinty, independent and yet eternally lonely heroine we've come to know.

 

3. What will you read next? I'm looking for something Christmasy.

 

I don't know how Henry is ...

 ... I know that his husband Reg doesn't like Rep. Jim Jordan, as he has reposted memes to that effect, but nothing about Henry's condition.

All I know is that last week, my dear friend endured two operations on his skull. The surgeries were designed to relieve the pressure from blood clots. These clots were likely sustained during falls, either when Henry fell out of bed or went wandering in the middle of the night. If Reg had been an attentive caretaker, neither would have happened.

Perhaps the enormity of -- as the doctors told him -- his "failure as caretaker" is weighing too heavily on Reg for him to discuss this further. Or maybe he can't figure out a way to spin this, and the bruises on Henry's arms and hips, as somehow something terrible that has happened to him and not Henry. I know Reg is drinking a great deal. But I feel empty without updates.

I'm not reaching out, though. Reg knows how to contact me and has chosen not to. When he's drunk and hyper-emotional, he is neither the easiest nor the most reliable of reporters. When I am as angry and hyper-emotional as I am right now, he and I would make a combustible combination.

And for me, that is also part of the problem. For this post has been about Reg's staggering inadequacy and my frustration and heartache. It's so easy to lose that frail man, hospitalized for the 5th time in 12 months, clinging to life and the ability to communicate and many other things I take for granted.

I am sorry, Henry. You are special and loving and you deserve so much better than this. 

Photo by JAFAR AHMED on Unsplash

Sunday Stealing

IDENTITY

1. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? I had a ready answer when I was working: Broadcast News. I was really good at my job and it was important to me to do it well. I was in advertising for 43 years and managed to maintain my integrity, which wasn't always easy. I was a pain in the ass, I'm sure, but I don't regret it.

I've been retired a year now and so far I haven't seen myself in media. To understand my forever and ongoing inner conflict, watch or read Gone with the Wind. I strive to be Melanie, who is always generous in thought and deed, but I have a shit-ton of Scarlett in me and can be selfish and snarky.

2. Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? If so, who? William Goldman was a writer whose humor and iconoclastic attitude really resonate with me, but he was much smarter and more gifted than I am. He wrote The Princess Bride and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

3. Do you care about your ethnicity? Nope. I think ethnicity is like astrology in that when and where you are born is a crap shoot and it doesn't have any real bearing on who you are.

4. What musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? Oh, God, I'm such a boomer!

 

5. Are you an artist? I write well, in both my word content and my penmanship. I don't know that I'm an artist, though. I think of myself as a craftsman.

6. Dog person or cat person? I've always shared my home with cats and love them and understand them. But that's a function of apartment living. I know I could love and understand dogs, too. Like Ellie Mae, I have a natural affinity for critters. 

7. Inside or outdoors? I do better indoors in summer. I cannot abide temps over 85º. I like wandering when it's cold outside, provided the skies and streets are clear.

8. Five most influential books over your lifetime: 

The Princess Bride by William Goldman. He thinks like me! Only so much better.

JFK: Reckless Youth by Nigel Hamilton. How a life looks on the outside doesn't tell you how it feels on the inside,

Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards. Strength through vulnerability and faith.

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. Why do some people survive and others falter? Plus, it tells us alot about America in the 1860s, 1930s, and beyond. Slavery and our continuing fetish for the Confederacy are really fucked up.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Oh, Atticus! We live in a country where many of our citizens enthusiastically support the casual cruelty and narcissism of Donald Trump. Imagine if our neighbors instead believed that we should protect the innocent, that might does not make right, that we have a responsibility to our communities and not just our own self interest. (Slides soap box away.)

9. Would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else? I think I'll just stay here.

10. List the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order. Cuddling the cats, reading, watching movies, napping, farting around on the internet.

11. Have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone? My oldest friend usually gets me. I wish she weren't so far away.

12. Could you live as a hermit? Yes. I learned during covid, though, that just because isolation is comfortable doesn't mean it's good for me.

13. Do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you?” I don't know. For some reason, a moment in my parents' backyard has really stayed with me. I'm 9 or 10 years old, on my tummy in the grass with a book. Clearly that little girl is still a big part of me, although my outsides don't reflect her at all.

14. Three songs that you connect with right now: "Happy Holidays" by Andy Williams, "I'll Be There for You" (the theme from Friends), and "I take once daily Jardiance at each day's start ..." Once I hear that commercial it stays with me for hours.

15. Pick one of your favorite quotes. 

 

 

Saturday 9

SATURDAY 9: ROLLIN' STONE (1958)

 

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) The title comes from the proverb, "a rolling stone gathers no moss." What do you suppose that proverb is trying to teach us? Don't settle and stagnate. Keep moving, growing, improving.

 

2) The lyrics warn us not to be lazy stay-at-homes but to go out and learn about the world around us. Tell us about a place you haven't visited yet but would like to. Alaska. But to be honest, I have been thinking more about places I haven't seen in a while and wish to return to: Hot Springs, Colonial Williamsburg, Boston ...

 

3) Karen and Cubby were Mouseketeers on the original Mickey Mouse Club, a TV show which ran from 1955 to 1959. Then, from 1962 to 1967, local TV stations reran it in syndication. In 1989, there was a Mickey Mouse Club reboot, which launched the careers of Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilara. So The Mickey Mouse Club has entertained generations of kids. What shows did you enjoy as a child? I'd race home after school to watch Where the Action Is and Dark Shadows back-to-back on channel 7. "Action" was a variety show set on the beach, starring Paul Revere and the Raiders. DS was a gothic soap opera starring Barnabas Collins. Both shows were Topic A on the playground during recess.

 

4) Karen was Karen Pendleton, among the youngest of the original Mousketeers. Producers discovered her at a local dancing school. Have you ever taken dance lessons? Yes. My mom sent me and my older sister to ballet lessons when I was in third grade. I dropped out after a year. I don't recall if my sister continued or not.

5) When The Mickey Mouse Club ended, Karen left show business. She went to public school, graduated, got married, and had a daughter. When she was in her 30s, she was involved in a car accident that left her paralyzed from the waist down. Still, she went back to college, earning first her Bachelor's and then Master's degrees in psychology. Have you considered continuing your education? What subject would you pursue? I don't know that I want to return to college, but I'd like to learn Spanish.

 

6) Cubby is Cubby O'Brien, a drum prodigy who began playing professionally when he was just 8 years old. After the Mickey Mouse Club he went on to The Lawerence Welk Show. As he entered his teens, he prioritized school over TV. He later returned to television as musician on The Carol Burnett Show. He also performed in concert behind The Carpenters. Do you have a favorite Carpenters song? "Rainy Days and Mondays."

 

7) In 1958, when kids were watching the original Mickey Mouse Club during the day, adults were watching Westerns. The most popular TV shows of that year included Gunsmoke, Wagon Train and The Rifleman. Have you ever fantasized about life as a cowboy/cowgirl? Oh, yes! I think the mid-19th century was a very romantic time! Very hard on women and rather bereft of hygiene and comfort. But I'd like to visit it in a Hallmark movie kinda way.

 

8) Also in 1958, Dwight Eisenhower became the first President to appear on color TV. Not many Americans saw him in color, though. It wasn't until 1972 that color TVs outsold black-and-white sets. Did you ever own a black-and-white TV?  My family got our first color TV in 65 or 66. I had a little b&w set in my bedroom. When I first moved out, I had a 5" Sony "tummy TV." My apartment was in a very old building and I couldn't run both the room AC and my color TV without blowing the fuse. So in summer throughout the 80s I'd watch that tiny b&w set.

 

9) Random question -- Did you pass your driver's license test on the first try? Yes. That's frightening, because I was a terrible driver and they had no business passing me and letting me loose on the unsuspecting midwest.

This afternoon I went to Massachusetts

I actually went to the movies. The Holdovers is a very entertaining film. It's set in an expensive boarding school, circa 1970, and Christmas in Massachusetts looks beautiful.

It's about the students and staff that are left behind over holiday break. As the movie unfolds, we discover more and more about the three main characters. The school's cafeteria lady has the story we learn first -- this is her first Christmas without her son, who was killed in Vietnam. The students and the professor are revealed more slowly. It held my attention every step of the way.

I love my local theater. It not only offers a variety of movies, they have replaced the conventional theater seats with absolutely fabulous recliners.

The Continuing Saga of St. Reg

 My darling Henry has been in surgery twice this week! Brain surgery! Doctors detected an embolism on his brain and had to drill into his skull to relieve the pressure. 

How did we get here? Let me bring you up to date. Before dawn on Thanksgiving, the police found Henry nude, banging on his neighbor's door, demanding in Spanish to see his brother Raul (who lives in Puerto Rico and hasn't visited Florida in five years). 

This is not Henry's fault. In October 2018, he collided with a truck and sustained a traumatic brain injury. He didn't get the aftercare prescribed -- partly because Key West doesn't have extensive medical facilities but mostly because his husband Reg believed he knew best. Their situation became more dire as their finances and Henry's health suffered and this summer, they had to sell their home and move from Key West to Ft. Lauderdale. Unmoored, Henry had a pair of progressively more serious grand mal seizures. These days, on a good day, he can't use his phone or shave on his own, but he can converse, even though he is unsure of where he is or what year it is. On bad days, he can't control his bodily functions, requires a diaper, and doesn't recognize his husband.

 

Recovery from these seizures was complicated by Henry's continued alcohol abuse. Reg continued to have liquor in their home and, frankly, must have known Henry was consuming it. The doctors told Reg he has been "a failure as a caregiver." A caseworker was assigned. But in Ft. Lauderdale, as in Key West, Reg is not cooperating fully because he insists he knows what is best for his husband.

 

In November, Henry began slipping out in the dark without Reg's knowledge, searching for Raul. The first time, when neighbors called the police, Henry, disoriented and wearing shit-stained underwear, was returned to Reg. On Thanksgiving morning, he was nude, and the police took him into custody. The Ft. Lauderdale apartment complex has put Reg on notice: this has to stop, or they will be evicted. 

 

It was while Henry was in the psych ward that doctors became concerned by the bruises on his arms and hips. These bruises are consistent with falls. That's how the embolism was discovered. They do not suspect physical abuse, but since Reg is not aware of what happens to Henry while he sleeps -- or sleeps it off -- they think Henry has been falling out of bed or on the cement stairs outside their apartment and sustained a head injury. Hence the embolism.

 

So my friend, one of the most loving people I have met in my life, is in a hospital where they are drilling into his skull. This is not fair. This is not right. I have no resources or authority to intervene. All I can do is watch, pray, love him, and try to manage my own reactions.

 

What I have posted above is the truth. It is not what most of Henry's friends know, though. They are only aware of the version Reg has shared on Facebook.

 

1. Reg lovingly made a traditional Thanksgiving feast, but he had to dine alone. Henry had become "aggressive" and was taken away by police.

 

2. Henry's embolism has gone unnoticed by clueless doctors who incorrectly prescribed "anti-psychotic drugs." Hence Henry's unpredictable behavior.

 

3. Reg is exhausted by being his husband's protector these past five years but swears he will remain vigilant about managing the care Henry receives on "my watch."

 

No mention of the detrimental effects of Henry's isolation and alcoholism. Not a word about Henry's nighttime escapes. Not even a word about Henry's condition. Is my friend critical? Stable? Fair? I have no idea. I know that Reg is wallowing in self-pity, but I don't know how Henry is.

 

Thank you for reading this post. Writing it has helped me refrain from picking up the phone and saying things to Reg that cannot be forgotten or taken back. 

 

Photo by JAFAR AHMED on Unsplash