Mother's Day 2010

Let me preface this by saying my mother is healthier than she was last year on this day, and for that I'm grateful. I love my mother very much and would like to have her around for a long time.

That said, Mother's Day 2010 was unsettling.

No, not because my mom was dissatisfied with her gift. She was happy with the set of six commemorative repeat/three-peat Bulls glasses, prominently featuring her beloved Michael Jordan. And yes, yesterday she recalled that earlier this year I'd given her $500 to care for her poor sick cat, Lucy, and that we had agreed that would be her Mother's Day present. So our visit was pleasant. I "got" her on Sunday because my kid sister and her family wanted to fuss over my mother on Saturday.

I noticed that she's looking older every time I see her, and she can be very vague in conversation, but we got along well. The best times were when we rhapsodizing about my niece and nephew, who my mom and I agree are fantabulous.

The weird part was my kid sister. First, my mom relayed a message from her -- my sister has decided that "the adults" aren't exchanging gifts anymore for holidays or birthdays because she and her husband can't afford it. I said to my mom, "They're still buying for you, right?" Yes, she said. So it's just ME that my sister and her husband aren't exchanging gifts with anymore.

Also, I have been trying to engineer a few days of "side jobs" for my brother-in-law at a friend's house. After all, I keep hearing about how dire their financial straits are, and I know he does handyman projects on weekends. My brother-in-law has embarrassed me by not even returning my friend's calls. Okeedokee.

Then my kid sister kept calling. First to talk to my mom, then to me, then my mom again. The first calls were about a cat she was thinking of adopting -- her Mother's Day gift from her family. She wanted my advice for incorporating a second cat into their household. That's just like my kid sister. As she once said to me during an argument, it doesn't bother her to accept favors from me but somehow I just don't "inspire her to give."

The last call was the most awkward. I heard my mom say, "No, not yet. Soon … Pork would be nice … Breaded … I really shouldn't right now … No not yet …" I just packed up my purse and called a cab. It was clear that my sister was ordering carry out for her family and my mother and I wasn't included. Since she was in such a hurry for me to get out of my mother's house, I did my best to oblige.

As my mom gets older, I promise myself I will try to get along with my sisters for her sake. But the fact of the matter is, my kid sister is a selfish brat without redeeming features -- except, of course, my niece and nephew.

Movie Monday -- My Movie Budget

Share on how you budget for your movie fix and any ways that you save or splurge. Link back here at The Bumbles and don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

This one is easy: I don't budget. My movie-going tends to be very spontaneous. If I have a couple of free hours on a Saturday afternoon, I check to see what's playing at the local theater. If I know I'm going to be at the mall, I see what's playing at the big-ass multiplex. The only time I really plan a trip to the movies is when I'm going to celebrate someone's birthday (both my oldest friend and my friend, John, prefer trips to the movies than more conventional parties).

One money-saving tip I've learned: a movie and dinner (meaning movie at 4:00 and dinner at 7:00) always costs less than dinner and a movie because you can take advantage of the cheaper weekend price. It also gives you the opportunity to discuss the movie over dinner.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Speed Dating Meme

1. What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book? Green Eggs & Ham

2. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? Ann Marie's NY apartment from That Girl. Built in bookshelves, exposed brick, a huge bathroom and a very tiny kitchen.

3. What's the longest you've gone without sleep? 23 hours.

4. What's your favorite Barry Manilow song? Even Now. That's the insidious thing about break-ups -- they actually have you relating to Barry fucking Manilow songs.

5. Who's your favorite Muppet? Elmo's sister Zoe.

6. What's the habit you're proudest of breaking? Drinking Coke or (worse) Monster all day long at work.

7. What's your favorite website? IMDB.com.

8. What's your favorite school supply? ERASERS! Massive, free-standing erasers, not those little ones on the end of pencils.

9. Who's your favorite TV attorney? Jack McCoy (L&O)

10. What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? Colonial Williamsburg last month. It's already been a month! Damn. I was so happy during that trip.

11. What's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or junk shop? Does this count? I got an autographed copy of Jessica Savitch's biography for 50¢ at the annual library booksale.

12. Where were you on September 11, 2001? Since our agency shared space with the Israeli consulate, I was evacuated by the Chicago police. I will never forget this. Ever.

13. What's your favorite tree? Redbud. My mom has been nurturing a most delicate one in her front yard for more than 40 years and whenever I see one I think of her. (My Mother's Day reference)

14. What's the most interesting biography you've read? Unwise Passions, the biography of Anne Randolph, the woman at the center of one of America's first sex scandals.

15. What do you order when you eat Chinese food? Shrimp.

16. What's the best costume you've ever worn? I enjoyed dressing as Minnie Mouse. I think the black nose and whiskers suited me.

17. What's your least favorite word? The c word.

18. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? Georgia, so I could listen to Ray Charles singing about me.

19. Who's your favorite bear? Yogi

20. Describe something that's happened to you for which you have no explanation. I was born with bright green eyes, yet everyone in my family -- both sides -- is/was brown-eyed.

21. If you could travel anywhere in Africa, where would it be? I'm sorry, but I have no desire whatsoever to go to Africa.

22. What did you have for lunch yesterday? A baked potato

23. Where do you go for advice? Friends. I've got quite a diverse group to draw from.

24. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? Thesaurus

25. Have you ever been snorkeling? Scuba diving? No and no

How did I do at the speed dating thing?
Are we going to hook up?

Vicodin & Betty White -- that's my Saturday night

Went to the dentist today for the second of three (or is it four) appointments to fill a particularly deep and troublesome cavity that appeared under a crown. There was almost nothing to the first appointment, and while I'm sure the dentist explained that today's appointment would be intense, I probably wasn't listening. Which is why I was surprised by all the drilling and scraping noises in my head during my nearly two hours in the chair this afternoon. I overheard words like "scalpel," "bone," and "suture."

I didn't feel any of it as it was going on. My dentist is terrific about really the numbing process. Ditzier than usual, certainly. Sleepy, you betcha. I wasted all afternoon and evening on the sofa.

But now, here I am about 9 hours later, and the dentist was right -- I am swollen and in pain. Thank goodness she had the foresight to prescribe the Vicodin.

And thank God for Betty White on SNL. The Golden Girl (born in my hometown, btw!) is living up to the hype.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Hey Jealousy

1. When was the last time that you got jealous? Thursday. Finally met a coworker from another department whom I'd previously only dealt with via email. She was gorgeous. Not yet 30, flawless skin, and so thin her entire body weighs less than one of my thighs. Blonde, of course. Oh, and she was highly competent, very good at her job. I know it's not very highly evolved of me, but I was so depressed when I left her office!

2. At what point do you finally decide it's time to move forward with your life (like, major changes)? How do you know? What do you do? Usually in the spring, after I go off on vacation, slipping away by myself for a few days of pampering and alone time. The change in surroundings lends a change in perspective. I have made several big decisions when I've been away -- to buy my own place, to work my down the corporate ladder … How to take the next step in my "real life" somehow seems clearer when I'm away from it for a few days.

3. When is it time to just let it ('it' can be whatever you choose) go? How do you know? What do you do? When "it" no longer works anymore, I make a change.

4. How many times must someone push your buttons before you've just had enough? Why? Depends on the buttons and depends on the someone. There are some areas that are more sensitive, and some people who are more gifted at the button console.

5. If I S/O were to cheat on you, could you ever see yourself giving them a second chance? Or a third? I did, and I learned a valuable lesson. It's not really about the sex, it's about the boundaries. Once I allowed him to hurt me like that, he seemed to think it was acceptable to hurt me in other ways, as well.

6. What was the last thing that someone did that you were very grateful for? Also Thursday. While at the florist, picking up some poms for my desk, I grabbed a spray rose stem and one of the free "Happy Mother's Day" cards for a pregnant coworker. I put it in a second-hand bud vase that I had tucked away on my office window sill and presented it to her. She literally lit up. She hugged me. Later in the day, she emailed me a photo she had taken with her phone, telling me that this was going into her baby book as her first-ever Mother's Day gift. Such a small, offhand gesture meant so much to her, and she was so open in sharing her joy. She touched my heart and this will stay with me for quite some time.

7. How much time do you spend online in a given weekday? What about the weekends? Too much. I haven't timed it.

8. How many online journals/blogs do you read regularly? What are some of your favorites and why? I like different blogs for different reasons ...
• Kwizgiver lives in another part of the country and yet her life feels very familiar to me
• Snarky Pants is a fan girl like me, and once a fan girl, always a fan girl
• Book Mama and Snowbird very generously share their extended family with us
• The Bumbles are baseball and movie fans, two passions that the best people share
• Vivian has a wise heart
• Mimi is enormously talented

9. What was the last major purchase that you made? I booked my New Year's trip to Key West.

Welcome to the Big Leagues, Mr. Castro!

From the San Jose Mercury News:

Awakened by his first call to the majors on Friday morning, top Chicago Cubs prospect Starlin Castro shook off sleep and disbelief to become an immediate star.

The 20-year-old became the youngest shortstop to make his Cubs debut when he stepped on the field about 12 hours later, and that was just the start of an historic night.

Castro hit a three-run homer off Cincinnati's Homer Bailey in his first at-bat, making him the sixth player in Cubs history to connect his first time up. The last to do it was Jim Bullinger in 1992. Three innings later, Castro hit a bases-loaded triple to the gap in right-center, sliding headfirst into the record books again. The six RBIs were the most for any player in a modern-day debut. Four others had five RBIs, most recently Ben Grieve in 1997.

Already, a Cubs sensation.

He made the jump from Double-A Tennessee, where he was asleep after a night game when the phone rang at 7 a.m. on Friday. The Cubs' top-rated prospect didn't expect to be in the majors until much later in the season.

Castro became the youngest Cub to make his big league debut since Oscar Gamble did it at the age of 19 in 1969.

What the fu ...

One of my coworkers is a genuinely lovely man. Devoted to his kids and blessed with a lyrical visual sense. But there's something very, very disturbing about him.

He either can't hear or doesn't comprehend.

In a meeting today, both my boss (sitting next to him) and I (seated across from him) were explaining something to him. Something he should have understood from a previous meeting, where it was originally introduced.

It's a very easy concept. We need to create something to go into a presentation deck on Monday -- something that represents a web page in content and appearance but will never BE a web page. It's just a suggestion, something to get the client thinking about adding a landing page to the project. Got that?

He said he doesn't know how to build web pages.

My boss and I repeated that this will never be a web page. It's just a representation, something static that will only appear on an 8 1/2" x 11" page in our deck. So the question is, if I get him copy by the end of day today, can he create something in time for Monday's meeting?

He repeated that he doesn't know how to build web pages.

After the third explanation, he got it.

I'm alternately frustrated and freaked out by this. Is it his hearing? Or worse, is it his comprehension?

Whatever it is, it's sad.

I feel like I should do something about this, but it's almost 3:30 on Friday and it's been kind of a rough week and I just want to get my work done and go home.

Less than $6 for a lovely smile

One of my coworkers -- a very earnest, hardworking girl -- just announced she's pregnant. She's new to the team, and since times have been tough at this agency lately, I wanted to make sure she feels comfortable with us. So while I was buying myself flowers for my desk, I picked up a single spray rose for her. I just put it in a 99¢ bud vase (second hand from Goodwill, as a matter of fact) and left it on her desk with a card, wishing her a "happy first Mother's Day." I'm the happy one -- for this simple gesture meant the world to her. She even took a picture of the vase/flowers so she could always remember her first-ever Mother's Day gift!

Maybe it's because I haven't been able to work out

Maybe it's because I'm wearing these fucking support hose.

But I feel like King Kong, completely misunderstood, an exposed target on top of the Empire State Building, trying to bat away planes that just keep on coming. And we all know what happened to him, don't we?

Nothing that bad, nor that unusual, really, is happening. It's just that there seems to be so much of it. I try to keep my spirits up, but after I bat aside one plane another seems to automatically appear on the horizon, headed straight for me.

This business with my uncle continues to drag on without resolution. He is a ward of the state, a sick old man who has gone from having millions to being up to his ass in debt in less than 3 years. Because none of us claimed responsibility for him, the state doesn't owe any of us an explanation as to what's taking so long. Why is he still in his house? Who is paying his property taxes, utility bills, etc.? Where are they going to put him? He's reverted to practically a child, so asking him does no good. I try not to think about it, since there is nothing I can do, but it is hard.

My mom is vague. With Mother's Day almost upon us, this weighs on me, too. Back in February, I gave her $500 so she could take her ailing old calico, Lucy, to the vet. I told her that it was her Mother's Day present, since she's Lucy's mother as well as mine. Well, in early March, poor Lucy had to be put down. Very sad, but not my fault. Last weekend, when I asked my mom when I could spend time with her for Mother's Day, she told me that the restaurant we usually go to and celebrate with a champagne brunch has gone out of business. I told her that's OK, since she already got her gift from me, a fancy champagne brunch wasn't in order this year, anyway.

She said, "What?" I didn't want to make her sad the Lucy situation again, so I didn't go into much detail, but I said, "Lucy, Mom. Remember?" Her response was, "Huh?"

My mother forgot the $500. That hurt.

My older sister, who lives very well in Southern California, no longer gives my mother any gifts or cards at all anymore -- not for her birthday, Christmas, or Mother's Day. I pay for my mother's supplemental Medicare insurance, her snow removal service and let her put $25 on one of my credit cards every month, just as a matter of course because she's my mother. Plus the $500 for her cat, whom she loved very much. While I was worried about losing my job. And she forgot.

Now I found a set of repeat/three-peat commemorative Bulls drinking glasses for her in a thrift shop. I was excited about them because they're wacky and unconventional, like my mom, and because she had been rhapsodizing recently about missing MJ. But compared to the champagne brunch and expensive Mother's Day gifts I've given her in the past, I'm afraid she's going to be disappointed. I'm trying to adjust my attitude about Sunday, but it's hard.

Then there are issues here at work. I like our client, more than our client likes this agency these days, and I'm working hard to make sure we rehabilitate our image with them. Yesterday, during our team status meeting, I was surprised to find that some of my work was already off being printed on high-quality paper, folded and boarded for presentation because it hadn't been proofread yet. What if there were typos? My art director, who makes frequent appearances on this blog, just kinda shrugged. She forgot to have me proofread it and no one else at the table, not even my boss, seemed to think this was the big deal I did. OK, then. After being accused of being Chicken Little with my "sky is falling shit," I didn't insist on back-tracking and following procedure. After the meeting, I did walk up to my boss and remind him that nothing had been proofread. He was in a hurry to go to lunch or something and nothing else was said.

Until the end of the day. Seems my boss did backtrack on his own and find typos and told me that I really have to be more vigilant about process. To borrow from my mom, "What? Huh?" He told me I should insisted on seeing my work again and proofreading it. I told him it would be nice if be backed me up during the status meeting. I also don't understand why I am the sole proprietor of our process. The art director in question is nearly 50 years old and has been doing this more than a quarter of a century. Isn't she responsible for her work, too? I wanted to go home and drink. Since I'm unable to work out, I simply went home and ate a salad.

There's friend stuff, too. But I'm making myself sad just by writing this and will close now. While I want this blog to be an honest reflection of who I am, I don't want it to make me blue.

We Have a Winner!

It was very close, but in the highly-competitive, life-on-the-razor's-edge world of The Gal Game, it's the little things that make all the difference. (Enough competitive cliches in there for ya?) In the case of Kwizgiver, it was remembering my unfortunate addiction to Pogo that earned her this FABULOUS PRIZE!

I'd like to thank all my contestants -- really and most sincerely. For while I began this game as a lark, it's very gratifying to know that you're out there, reading and remembering. I'm genuinely quite touched.


1) The Gal comes across $50 in found money. That's cash, with no strings attached. What will she do with it? Purse, pedi, books and massage are all good answers. (And I wish I was as charitable as Snarkela and Book believe me to be.)

2) It's Sunday night at about 10:00. The Gal is looking back upon her weekend and is upset with herself because once again she has failed to do something. What is it she means to do almost every weekend, but seldom does? (No, the answer we're looking for is not, "have sex," though it would be true.) De-clutter! Everyone got this right.

3) Of course The Gal has more Paul McCartney songs (Beatle and solo) on her iPod than any other artist. But who comes in (a distant) second? Yes, it's the Boss. Vivian and Kwiz guessed correctly. In fact, they know me better than I know me. For before I picked up the iPod and checked, I would have said it was Streisand, and I would have been off by 2 songs.

4) The Gal never does something that most American adults do at least several times a week, if not every day. What is it? (No, the answer we're looking for is not, "have sex," though it would be true.) Drive and drink coffee are both correct. I'm not surprised that many find this memorable. As I go through life, I think people would be less impressed if I kept human heads in my freezer than that I neither drive nor drink coffee.

5) Who is The Gal's all-time, miles-above-everyone-else hero/idol/role model? You get extra credit if you know why. Kwiz & Book correctly guessed JBKO, Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Because she lived her life her own way, and made it all look so easy when in reality, it couldn't have been.

6) There's a TV show The Gal loves, even though she knows it's shameful trash. What is this guilty pleasure? (Clue: It's on right now as I compose this.) No one got this. Nancy Grace on HLN. She's a madwoman and she and her regular callers fascinate me. BTW, it never occurred to me to be embarrassed by my love of Idol and NCIS. Are they bad? C'mon, you can tell me.

7) While she hates the heat, there are some things that come along with warm weather that The Gal loves. Name one. Yes, the Cubs. Of course, the Cubs! Also acceptable answers are showing off my beautiful pedis and checking out Puppet Bike.

8) The Gal donated money to two political campaigns that she now feels owe her a refund. Whose campaigns were they? Snarkela's the only one who got this one 100% right: Blago and John Edwards. Boy, I can pick 'em, can't I? While Bill Clinton pisses me off regularly, I still have a soft spot for the big lug. And as far as my work with Senator Kerry goes, I'm proud of it. He didn't disappoint me, America did.

9) Which author's recent death made The Gal very sad? Robert B. Parker -- and, therefore, my buddy, Spenser -- died in January and I was surprised by how bad I felt. Book Mama got this one right, and now that she's getting to know Spenser and Hawk, I bet she understands.

10) The Gal is online ... again! If she's not reading blogs or answering emails, what is she most likely doing? Pogo. Currently I'm hooked Boggle. I have spent an embarrassing amount of time on Turbo 21, as well as Scrabble, Monopoly and Yahtzee. I should have carpal tunnel by now.

And if any of you post a similar quiz, let me know.
I'd like to see how I do as a contestant!

Play for Fun and Fame and Prizes!

Ok, I'm lying about Fame and Prizes. But I am led to believe by Kwiz and Snarkela (see comments on the 10 on Tuesday post below) that this might be Fun.

Introducing
THE GAL GAME

The Gal Herself has been blogging relentlessly for four years this month. With all that unfettered blabbing, she has revealed much. In fact, regular readers may know just about all there is to know about her.

Or do you?

See if you can respond to these completely Gal-Centric questions correctly. While there may not be one right answer, some answers will undoubtedly be right-er. The decision of the judge (me) will be final.

1) The Gal comes across $50 in found money. That's cash, with no strings attached. What will she do with it?

2) It's Sunday night at about 10:00. The Gal is looking back upon her weekend and is upset with herself because once again she has failed to do something. What is it she means to do almost every weekend, but seldom does? (No, the answer we're looking for is not, "have sex," though it would be true.)

3) Of course The Gal has more Paul McCartney songs (Beatle and solo) on her iPod than any other artist. But who comes in (a distant) second?

4) The Gal never does something that most American adults do at least several times a week, if not every day. What is it? (No, the answer we're looking for is not, "have sex," though it would be true.)

5) Who is The Gal's all-time, miles-above-everyone-else hero/idol/role model? You get extra credit if you know why.

6) There's a TV show The Gal loves, even though she knows it's shameful trash. What is this guilty pleasure? (Clue: It's on right now as I compose this.)

7) While she hates the heat, there are some things that come along with warm weather that The Gal loves. Name one.

8) The Gal donated money to two political campaigns that she now feels owe her a refund. Whose campaigns were they?

9) Which author's recent death made The Gal very sad?

10) The Gal is online ... again! If she's not reading blogs or answering emails, what is she most likely doing?

Boy, it's really weird to write about yourself in the third person.

Ten on Tuesday -- When I dream ...

Here are 10 men who frequently appear on this blog as objets d'lust, listed in order of recentcy.

1) Mark Harmon. Gibbs. See below.

2) George Clooney. Cool smart ass who lives by a code.

3) Greg Maddux. My favorite Cub of all time. One of the greatest pitchers in the history of the game. The man whose control is so great he could "throw a baseball thru the hole in a Lifesaver."

4) Robert Redford. Vintage cinematic Golden Boy and one of the coolest guys ever.

5) Nigel Barker. Former model, star fashion photographer, and the only reason I watch America's Next Top Model. (Dear God, that accent!)

6) Bruce Willis. I always love him, smirk (John McClane, David Addison) or no smirk (Malcolm from The Sixth Sense).

7) Sir Paul. My most enduring crush. Ever since he first sang, "Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, tomorrow I'll miss you," on The Ed Sullivan Show.

8) Bruce Springsteen. The Boss. Still fighting the good fight, still rocking that body by Nautilus, even at 60.

9) Jon Hamm. Don Draper. I love you.

10) Patrick Dempsey. Grey's Anatomy is no longer appointment TV for me (though now that I'm sure I won't be subjected to Izzie, I may make more of an effort) but still, every time I see McDreamy he lives up to the name.

Sigh. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.

I love my TV boyfriend

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs is not only a decorated war hero, a world-class sniper and fluent in Russian, I learned in tonight's USA Network NCIS rerun that he can also "sample the frosting on a cake without leaving a fingerprint."

My mind reels.

Movie Monday -- Parties

Share your favorite festive flicks, linking back here at The Bumbles. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

ANIMAL HOUSE!!!! The greatest party movie ever. One of the greatest comedies ever! I did an entire Thursday Thirteen devoted to it, but to save you clicking back here are my 10 favorite quotes:

1) “Eric Stratton, Pledge Chairman. Damn glad to meet you.” Otter
2) “The time has come for someone put his foot down. And that foot is ME!” Dean Vernon Wormer
3) “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” Chip
4) “Listen! I’m not joking! This is my JOB!” Professor Jennings
5) “Toga! Toga!” Bluto
6) Boone: “You’re going to hump her brains out, aren’t you?”
Otter: “I anticipate a deeply religious experience.”
7) “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Dean Wormer
8) “Over? Did you say, ‘over?’ Nothing is over until we say it’s over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” Bluto
9) “We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part. And we’re just the guys to do it!” Otter
10) Flounder: “I can’t believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer.”
Boone: “Face it, Kent. You threw up on Dean Wormer.”


Breakfast at Tiffany's. Regal, ethereal Audrey Hepburn played Holly Golightly, one of the few really serious party girls ever to star in her own movie. It's Audrey's elegance and inherent sweetness that made Holly seem not like a boozy slut but instead like just a lot of fun. Here's the big party scene, where Holly accidentally sets a woman's hat on fire with her cigarette but another guest just as accidentally douses it with his drink. There were also guests making out in the shower and Holly clearing a path for her tall, arch rival Meg Wildwood to fall down drunk by yelling, 'TIM-BER!'

Three in a row!

It's been great having the D'backs in town. Alfonso Soriano has really hit his stride, and everyone else is really hitting the ball. Zambrano has settled in as a reliever. It's starting to be fun!

I was going to do so much today! But I got distracted by all those home run balls flying into the stands and out of the park and am just now beginning the laundry. Gal, you are such a lazy slob. A happy Cub-lovin' slob, but a slob nevertheless.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Question Meme

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? No. But that's only because Sir Paul, Mark Harmon and my beloved future Hall of Famer, Greg Maddux, are all currently in relationships and are too upstanding to cheat on their significant others to make my fantasies come true. Oh yeah, and none of them know I exist.

02) What was your dream growing up? I was going to be a wildly popular singer, maybe branching out into TV and movies. My dream was dashed in junior high when my music teacher explained what the term "tone deaf" means.

03) What talent do you wish you had? See #2.

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? You know, I haven't had a kir royale in quite a while, and since you're buying ...

05) Favorite vegetable? Peas.

06) What was the last book you read? Unwise Passions, the biography of Ann Randolph. She rocked!

07) What zodiac sign are you? Sagittarius. Barely. I was born at 12:01 AM on November 22. 90 seconds earlier and I would be a Scorpio.

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. Just a single piercing in each ear.

09) Worst Habit? Complete lack of discipline.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? No. Because I don't have a car.

11) What is your favorite sport? Go, Cubs, go!

12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? I'm cautiously optimistic. When I start to spin out, I awfulize -- imagining the absolute worst -- then realize I can handle it and try to get on with it.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Ring the alarm, call 911 on my cell, and then sit in the corner and wait for help. What would you do?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? I let myself get way too involved with a real creep and it had ramifications that I still deal with.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you. I am wearing support hose as I complete this meme. And I'm just delighted about it.

16) Do you have any pets? Yes. In fact, Charlotte Ann Cat is sitting just over my left shoulder, watching me complete this meme.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? You would be waiting in the vestibule downstairs because I don't buzz open the door for unexpected strangers.

18) What was your first impression of me? That you're kind of pushy about wanting to come over.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Scary, with their painted-on, pointy "I just killed my wife" smiles. Shudder.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I'd have a waist again.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? What are we going to do?

22) What color eyes do you have? Green.

23) Ever been arrested? No.

24) Bottle or can soda? Bottle.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? I'd put $1000 away each for my mom, my niece and my nephew. I'd take a quick trip to Boston or DC, and I'd pay down my B of A credit card (see counter at right) with what's left.

26) What's your favorite place to hang out at? Monk's Pub. It's been my favorite dive for decades. I recommend the steak sandwich.

27) Do you believe in ghosts? You mean like Caspar? No. But I believe that those who have gone to God still watch over us.

28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Watch TV or fart around online.
29) Do you swear a lot? Fuck yes!

30) Biggest pet peeve? These damn support hose.

31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Short.

32) Do you believe/appreciate romance? Yes to both.

33) Favorite and least favorite food? Thumbs up: Burgers. Thumbs down: Sushi.

34) Do you believe in God? Yes.

I'm boycotting #35 because I'm sick beyond endurance of all these plugs. (Blame it on the support hose.)

It's like I'm there

The surgeon distracted me from the ouches he was inflicting on my legs today (see below) by telling me about his trip last weekend to the opening of New Orleans Jazz Fest. He saw Simon & Garfunkle and The Allman Brothers Band and lots of jazz/gospel acts I haven't heard of. My best friend is there this weekend, seeing Pearl Jam and Van Morrison and lots of jazz/gospel acts I haven't heard of. Sounds like a helluva party, huh? Living vicariously through them takes some of the blech out of wearing spending Saturday night in these fucking support hose. (Though at least the USA Network was good enough to run an NCIS marathon, so I have my TV boyfriend Gibbs to keep me company.)

BTW, this poster was originally a painting by Tony Bennett. How's that for cool?

I. HATE. THESE.

Support hose. They suck. They are hot and all around icky. I must wear them for a full fucking week, all the way until next Saturday morning, in order to prevent clotting after my first vein treatment.

The procedure itself was fine. The doctor was very nice, he and his tech were very chatty and kept things light. And he's a Cub fan! As near as I can tell (I'm still bandaged), I had injections in about 20 sites on both legs. There's no pain, just a little itchiness -- and that could be from the antiseptic and gauze and tape as much as the shots.

But these fucking hose. They cannot come off until my shower tomorrow morning, and then they're supposed to go right back on. AAARGH!

And I've got to call the doctor's office tomorrow and leave word that I those were my shorts on the examining room floor. I left them there after wrestling with the support hose and then my blue jeans. Sometimes I'm such a ditz.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Changes

1. Tell us about one thing that you'd change about yourself if you could. My weight. I hate being a pudge.

2. Mattel decides to make a Barbie-like (or Ken-like) doll of you -- what would be the most important accessory or accessories they would absolutely have to package you with in order to portray your lifestyle? A big purse, iPod and sunglasses. No outfit is complete without them.

3. Hey, do you like surprises? If yes, what kinds? Not really. Surprises can make me uncomfortable because, to borrow from my shrink, I like to control what the audience sees and surprises make that more difficult.

4. What was the last snail mail that you received that was significant? A thank-you note from a coworker who appreciated my efforts to make her new baby feel welcome in the world.

5. If you could pick out a brand new nickname for yourself, what would you choose and why? I have a few nicknames already, and they're fine with me.

6. John Edward's mistress was on Oprah this past Thursday. She stated that no third person can break up a marriage, so it had to be broken before the two started doing the nasty. Do you buy that? Yes. People who value their relationships can most certainly be tempted, but they choose not respond to temptation. Even John Edwards is a high functioning mammal with free will, after all.

7. Do you think it is okay to keep secrets from your s/o? Yes. My romantic history is my own damn business, thank you very much. (Not my medical history, but my romantic one.)

8. Have you ever played Truth or Dare? If yes, what's the weirdest dare that you did? Oh, God! I'm sorry but I don't remember that far back.

9. What, in hindsight, the stupidest thing that you have ever done? Let me preface this story by saying, this was the 80s -- I did a few lines of coke to prepare for a party and then, when I got there, was distressed by the crappy selection of booze that was being served. I'm not a Mateus Rose gal. So I swigged from my own bottle of Korbel and before I knew it, the bottle was empty. In little more than an hour. The coke stopped me from puking or acting too drunk, but it certainly clouded my judgement. My friend John, one of the world's great partiers, was frightened by the prospect of alcohol poisoning and took me under his wing. When JOHN thinks you have had enough, you have had enough.

Plot? What plot?

Watching Ocean's 13 as I wander about, preparing for my Saturday. I remember seeing it at the theater, and recall that Matt Damon is very funny with Ellen Barken, but other than that, it's somehow all new to me. I'm not really following it this time, either.

Let's face it -- this is the SI Swimsuit issue for women. I get all weak-kneed when Clooney is doing his too-cool-for school schtick. Because you know what? He really is too cool.

Sights seen at lunch

Molly the Cat was out again today. This time she and her dad were across the street, in front of Starbuck's instead of Macy's. I worry that they are too close to the street, and all that traffic, but they have so much more than that that's troublesome in their homeless lives, so I guess I shouldn't fixate. I know Molly is having a can of turkey and giblets for lunch, and I left a buck, some change and some kind words for her humans. (Don't know where her female person was today.) She's a very nice cat, so friendly that you know her people must be very good to her.

I stopped at McDonald's and saw a little girl gazing lovingly at the Mermaid Barbie Happy Meal display. Oh, how I wish I could long so much for something so easily attainable!

Puppet Bike was setting up, and that always makes me happy. What's not to love about watching mangy puppets dancing merrily to Xydeco music?

I feel bad for people who don't have a vibrant city to wander about at lunchtime.

I Shall Prevail

Every year the USPS sponsors a food drive. This year it's on May 8. It's a fabulously simple and effective idea -- on Saturday morning you put non-perishable food out, labeled for the food drive, and your mail carrier delivers your mail and carries off your contribution.

Except in my building.

My feisty and possibly crazy old neighbor picks through the donations and takes what he wants. He's not needy, he's hostile. In addition to stealing from the poor, he has been known to steal my newspapers and key another neighbor's car.

But this year I believe I have outsmarted him. For every time I go to the grocery store, between now and May 8, I will pick up baby food. So far I have bananas, prunes and oatmeal. It will help the hungry families and it will thwart my nasty old neighbor.

HA!

Why didn't I do this earlier?

For just $20/year, I can listen to Cubs games on my computer all season! (In a building as tall as this one, AM radio reception never works.) I love the team of Cubs great Ron Santo and Pat Hughes, and hearing them call a game is always fun, regardless of what happens on the field.

Kelly Kapowski is pregnant

Tiffani Thiessen is now 36 years old and due very soon. I learned when I stopped at the magazine stand because I knew I recognized the woman on the cover of Pregnancy magazine. I wonder how Zach feels about this. I imagine a sit-down with Mr. Belding is in order.

"I Want" Wednesday

The blogmistress didn't post a new question today, so I borrowed one I missed a few week's back ...

What do you WANT for yourself today?

I want to stop being so nervous, to get past this silly sense of impending doom, so I can enjoy sitting in front of the TV, grazing on a salad and watching American Idol.

For more about this meme, click here.

The Queen's Meme -- The Gratitude Meme

1. What are you most grateful for when you first wake up in the morning? That I have places to go, things to do, and the independence and wherewithal to go there and do that.

2. What are you most grateful for when you go to bed at night? That my cluttered, messy condo is mine.

3. Who is the person who has had the most influence on your life? My mom. I get my love of animals from her, as well as the tremendous comfort that comes with knowing she's out there at the other end of the phone, listening to me and loving me.

4. Is there someone you'd like to thank for something special they did for you but haven't yet? Take the time to do it in this meme. Snarky Pants is always supportive and enthusiastic about my life and blog. Thank you, Snarkela.

5. Who was your favorite or least favorite teacher? If you could talk to them now, what would you say? My third grade teacher was my favorite. She made me feel comfortable speaking in front of the class and gave me room to make mistakes without feeling like a failure. She's long gone now, but I hope she knows how much I appreciated her.

6. Do you say grace at mealtime? No.

7. Name one thing you take for granted everyday. My health. Every time I feel crappy, I promise myself I will appreciate the days when I don't. And I forget and take my health for granted again. Shame on me.

8. Have you ever looked back at your life and realized that something you thought was a bad thing was actually a blessing in disguise? Just about every romantic break-up. We wouldn't have been happy together over the long haul. I see that with the perspective that comes with time.

9. What are the top five things you are most grateful for in your life? The support of my friends, the love of my cats, my independence, the Cubs and Sir Paul. Really, the last two make me feel very fortunate that my heart can be touched and lifted so completely by baseball and a Beatle -- two rather readily available and entirely legal highs.

To participate yourself, click here.

Movie Monday -- Narrators

Share on your blog your favorite narrated film, linking back to The Bumbles here.

Annie Hall. Oh, how I loved Woody back in the pre-Soon-Yi days! And never more than in this movie, where he narrates the romance between Annie and Alvy Singer. Like a true stand up, he opens with a joke:

'I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me as a member.' That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationship with women.

… and closes with one, too.

A guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doctor, my brother is crazy. He thinks he's a chicken,' and the psychiatrist asks, 'why don't you turn him in?' and the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' That's how I feel about relationships. They're crazy and irrational and absurd and I guess we keep going through them because most of us, well, we need the eggs.

Reds. Instead of one narrator, this historical epic had more than 25. Referred to as "the witnesses," they were the real-life friends, acquaintances and participants in the life and times of journalist Jack Reed. They looked square into the camera and gave "testimony" as to events in the story and kept it moving along. It's a kick to see people like Adela Rogers St. John, who were giants in their own right speak for themselves, and it helped me keep the story straight. Before this movie, I had no idea who Jack Reed and Louise Bryant were, and I would have been lost without the "witnesses." It was an interesting story-telling device, and Rob Reiner used it to great effect in When Harry Met Sally.

Has it come to this?

I love my city, and this breaks my heart. How did we get here?

State Reps. Fritchey and Ford want National Guard's help fighting crime

Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis today spoke out against a request for the Illinois National Guard to be to deployed on Chicago’s streets to help tackle gun violence.

Stopping just short of outright rejecting the request from state lawmakers Rep. John Fritchey and Rep. LaShawn Ford, Weis said “I don't think the National Guard is the solution."

At a press conference earlier Sunday, Fritchey and Ford had called on Gov. Quinn and Mayor Daley to deploy troops. The action, in coordination with Weis, should be taken as soon as possible to help get guns and criminals off the street, they said.

The two Chicago Democrats noted National Guard members are now working side-by-side with U.S. troops to fight wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, while another deadly war is taking place in Chicago neighborhoods.

“Is calling for National Guard deployment a drastic action? Of course it is,” said Fritchey. “Is it warranted under these circumstances? Without question. If we can bring (the National Guard) in to help fill sandbags for flooding... to deal with tornado debris, we can bring them in to save lives.”

So far this year, 113 people have been killed across Chicago — precisely the same number as the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq and Afghanistan combined during the same time period, the legislators noted.

"U.S. troops have been winning the hearts and minds (of people) in Iraq," Ford said. “They’ve stabilized those communities. They made those communities much better. Now those communities are safe. That’s what we want right here in Illinois, for the National Guard to come in and stabilize these communities.”

Fritchey and Ford noted the National Guard has been deployed in other states to prevent violence related to specific events and protests, but added that they were unaware of guardsmen and women being deployed to assist with general urban unrest.

They stressed a call for National Guard help here should not be equated with marshal law.

“We’re not talking about rolling tanks down the street,” Fritchey said. “We’re not talking about armed presence on every corner. We’re talking about individuals, men and woman that have been specifically trained to assist law enforcement and, assist with civil unrest. This is what the National Guard in part is trained to do.”

But Weis cautioned against “comparing apples and oranges.”

Referring to the Kent State shootings in 1970, when National Guardsmen fatally shot four student protesters at a campus demonstration, Weis said that “when you mix military functions with law enforcement functions, there is sometimes a disconnect.”

Noting that the military does not operate under the same constitutional constraints as the police, he questioned how Chicago residents would react to soldiers raiding homes without warrants, and said that in his 25 years of law enforcement experience, he had never seen an example of military personnel working under local civilian command.

“The National Guard is very useful if we had a big earthquake or huge flood or a catastrophe like that, where we simply had to control folks,” he said, “But the problems we’re facing are illegal weapons, narcotics and gangs. And while I will always look out for as much help as we can, I don't think the National Guard is the solution.”

The lawmakers could better help by passing tougher gun control laws, he said, also calling on communities affected by violence to “break the code of silence” against identifying criminals.

Quinn spokesman Bob Reed declined comment.

Fritchey and Ford noted that 80 percent of city homicide victims are black. Ford represents constituents in the West side communities of Austin, Lawndale and West Garfield, that have been hard hit by homicides and other crime. Fritchey represents constituents in the lower-crime North side communities of Bucktown, DePaul, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village and Ravenswood.

The legislators said while they believe more should be done to deal with the violence, their views shouldn’t be seen as criticism of local law enforcement, whose resources are stretched thin.

They added Weis recently pointed out most violent crime in Chicago happens on just 9 percent of the city's blocks. To target these “hot spots,” Weis has said he was seeking 100 officers to volunteer for a summer-long “strategic response team.”

Deploying the Guard is a better option, Fritchey and Ford contend.

While Weis came out against the suggestion Sunday, he did add that he had yet to discuss it with the mayor and that is something he was willing to “explore.”

“I’d have to see what the mayor’s position on this is,” he said. “If he’s open to it, you know, of course, I’d be open to it. I have certain concerns, based on my time in law enforcement and the United States military.”

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Fandom Meme

Rules: We all are fans. Be it Star Trek or Twilight, you are a fan of something. Pick a subject, book, TV or movie series. Now tell us all about it!

I Love NCIS

1. The first character I fell in love with: Special Agent Gibbs

2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Gibbs. First of all, he's played by Mark Harmon who, while attractive, did such a good job playing two men who brutalized women -- Ted Bundy and Tom Capano -- that he kinda gave me the willies. And his character's name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs, not a name I imagine whispering in the night.

3. The character I would shag anytime: Gibbs

4. The character I'd slap: Mossad Director David. He's a dick.

5. Who are my 3 favorite characters. Gibbs. Ducky. Abby.

6. What are my 3 favorite pairings. Tony and Ziva. Abby and McGee. Gibbs and me.

7. Which character I'm most like. None of them.

8. The coolest thing about the canon: The fraternal feeling among the team members. I especially love how Abby and Gibbs relate to one another.

9. The lamest crappiest thing about the canon: That Gibbs doesn't have access to a conference room and holds confidential meetings with his team in the elevator.

10. My guiltiest pleasure in this fandom: The head slap

11. What story I wish I could read (or art I wish I could see): Gibbs actually happy in love

12. What story I wish I had written/still want to write: Gibbs happy in love with me

The chick is in her element

I am soooo loving this Cub game. Ted Lilly, just off the DL, went deep into the game and didn't give up a single run. The offense performed and supported him with 5 runs. And then, wonder of wonders, Carlos Zambrano came in as a reliever, gave up a run but batted in a run, too.

And here I am, sitting here with a beer, enjoying every moment. Life is better with Cubs baseball in it.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Want to Hold Your Hand

1. What do you notice about other people's hands? Clean nails.

2. If someone was nosing around your house, what would you hope they wouldn't see? That my bedroom curtains need cleaning. I just don't have the time, energy or motivation to take them down and wash them, but they really do need it.

3. Do you think that the more stuff you own enhances your life or adds to your burden? Depends on the stuff. I don't mean to be flip, but that's my take. Whether an item is an enhancement or a burden is defined by your outlook and the item.

4. What was the last movie you saw in the theatre? Shutter Island. Loved Leo.

5. What do you have under your bed? My boom box. Oftentimes my cat, Charlotte.

6. What do you think your s/o or best friend would say about what makes you unique? My best friend says it's how much I care about the right things.

7. What's your current favorite TV commercial? It's the Colonial Penn commercial that takes place at a family reunion. Uncle Joe has just died, and the menfolk miss him. Especially his jokes. "Same each year, but I still miss him." We cut to the kitchen, where the womenfolk discuss the widow. "How's Aunt Stella doing since Uncle Joe died?" This commercial was on all day long when I was a freelancer and worked from home, and when it comes on now I am proud to say I can still recite large chunks along with the TV. I'm not alone in this. Click here.

8. Who do you owe a phone call to? I'm pretty caught up.

9. Do you know about my friend's new meme Wednesday Wickedness? Will you give it a try this week just for me? Please? :) How could I miss your plugs? You're a very helpful friend. And yes, I played last week.

Why is this woman smiling?

An SEC accountant attempted to access porn websites 1,800 times in a two-week period and had 600 pornographic images on her computer hard drive.

That's from ABC's story, SEC Pornography Problem. This expose reveals that the Securities and Exchange Commission was distracted by porn in 2008, when they should have been warning us that our financial world was melting.

I know there are some, perhaps even many, who are outraged. So why does this amuse me?

• It's usually funny when sex makes people act stupid. And somehow horny federal accountants seem especially humorous.

• It says she "attempted" to access the website, which implies she failed. This makes it even more funny/stupid.

• The accountant is a woman, which means we have reached equality when it comes to our appetite for smut.

I just don't get it

I try and try, but I don't understand what's happening with financial reform. I listen to Secretary Geitner, Chase's Jamie Dimon, and others who are undoubtedly smarter than I am. And I still don't get it.

I believe some companies are "too big to fail." The people who work at those companies have families and mortgages and need their benefits. If the companies fail, I'm supporting these people with my tax dollars anyway. I'd rather my fellow citizens work. So whether it's GM or Citibank, it doesn't bother me when the government bails a ginormous company out. I just hope that the boards get canned and the loans are paid back. Accountability -- I'm all for it.

Even thinking about all this makes me tired and sad, though. I keep hoping for better days so this conversation is irrelevant.

Bang, bang! You're dead before you had a chance to live.

Two year old Coco Cole was died today, shot in the head while securely strapped in her car seat on Chicago's South Side.

Coco, her father and two sisters -- one 8 months old, the other 4 years old -- were waiting in the car while their mother went to a friend's home for cigarettes and a hooded assailant fired through the rear window. Authorities speculate the intended target was Coco's father, in retaliation for a gang-related incident. A suspect is in custody. If you can stand to read more, click here.

Under the circumstances, I guess it's fortunate that only one innocent life was taken. Though it certainly doesn't feel that way now.

This is the third fatal shooting on the South Side this week. And it's only April. It's going to be a long, hot, tragic summer.

"This is very cool."

Yes it is.

I'm talking about the 4-word email I received from my best friend first thing this morning, in response to a news story I forwarded to him because I knew it would be of interest to his daughters. Yesterday morning I was greeted to a quick email discussing poor Cameron Douglas. The day before that, he sent me a line or two about the sudden death of the Colorado Rockies' owner.

While the messages aren't especially upbeat, I love finding him in my inbox first thing in the morning. The content really doesn't matter. It's just important to know that he's still out there, thinking of me.

We used to talk for hours, in person when we worked together and then, after he moved, over the phone. For myriad reasons, not the least of which is that his wife has deemed our relationship "inappropriate," we have been learning how to conduct our friendship via email.

This is easy for me. I write for a living. Dashing off a line or two about anything that pops into my head is as natural for me as falling off a log -- and if you knew what a klutz I am, you would know how apt that old saying is.

He finds writing intimidating. So he tries to come up with something to say that is "worthy" of the time it takes to compose and read. Consequently days go by and I don't hear from him. And then I start to spin out -- Is he OK? What's up? Is something wrong? And, truth to tell, I start to feel isolated, because no one means to me exactly what my best friend does. I just need to feel connected.

I have tried, more than once, to explain this to him. All I need is an email that lets me know he's OK and hopes I am, too. It only needs take a moment. But up until this week, my message never got through. Somehow, when I told him how much happier my days are when I find him in my mailbox in the morning, he got it.

And yes, it is very cool.