Saturday 9: Broken-Hearted Girl (2009)
9) Random question -- We're having a Saturday 9 potluck lunch! What will you bring? Fruit salad. No one else seems to bring it, and it's easy.
These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Saturday 9: Broken-Hearted Girl (2009)
9) Random question -- We're having a Saturday 9 potluck lunch! What will you bring? Fruit salad. No one else seems to bring it, and it's easy.
I went to the movies.
The Fabelmans is a movie about movies. It's Steven Spielberg's onscreen autobiography, and it's affecting and tender.
I also had a nice big gooey bowl of pasta. Snarkypants sent me a gift card for my birthday and specified it be used for lunch. I respond to direct commands, so I did. (Thanks, Snarkela.)
While I have discussed with my shrink that my natural tendency toward alone time may not always be the best option for me, and consequently have gone out of my way to be social (separate birthday celebrations with one of my former coworkers and with Joanna, road trip with Elaine, weekly movie group), days like this have their place, too.
The teeth are an ongoing issue, though. She's already had two teeth pulled and now we're looking at a third. This isn't surprising, really. At 11, she's approximately 60 years old in human years. Plus she had chronic gum disease for her first two years.
Right now she's on an anti-inflammatory to combat a sore in her mouth. It might be an allergic reaction to her ceramic bowl -- since replaced with stainless steel. Next we have to have some bloodwork done. If she's in good shape, we'll schedule the extraction.
She is a sweet girl. She depends on me. As much as she hates the vet, I hate thinking of her being in any discomfort.
I admit it: I'm not doing very well as I adjust to this new period of my life.
A lot of it is because I'm navigating unfamiliar seas. I've never been this old before. I've never dealt with bureaucracies this often before. No, this is not going to become one of those tiresome "government fucks everything up" screeds. The issue that I had (now resolved) with the State of Illinois unemployment service was part my fault and part my former employer's. But it did take hours online, hours on the phone, and two separate in-person trips to iron out.
Now it's Medicare. I signed up for Part A (free Hospital Insurance) on September 1, more than 80 days in advance of my 65th birthday, and it was easy peasy. Got my card in no time. I didn't apply at that time for Part B (Medical Insurance). There's a premium for Part B, and it was redundant with the Blue Cross/Blue Shield I had through work. I didn't know on September 1 that I was going to lose my job.
Well, I lost my job on October 27. I applied for Medicare Part B on November 1, still in advance of my November 22 birthday, for coverage to begin on December 1. I was sure it was going to go smoothly. The insurance broker I've been using* wasn't as sanguine. He said that while he was certain I would eventually be covered beginning December 1, he didn't think I'd get my card by then. Too many other Americans are applying this time of year (December 7 is the open enrollment end date) and the system is overburdened.
He was right. I've been on the phone with Medicare three times, and these are marathon calls. (The shortest one was 40 minutes.) Why, I keep asking, if I have a email receipt saying my Part B form was received, can't I find online status of my application? Finally yesterday (December 1) I learned that my application was being reviewed.
Both the federal employee I spoke to on the phone and the broker seem confident that my coverage will be retroactive to December 1. After all, I qualify and I applied within the prescribed window. I have spoken to both my shrink and my chiropractor about this and they're both very, "Yeah, we get it." Both will continue to treat me without proof of insurance since I have that email receipt. And let's not forget that I've had Medicare hospital insurance for a while, so if something BIG goes wrong I can still confidently go to the ER for care.
And it's always my teeth. Forever my teeth. I feel like I've been going to the dentist every week for years now! While I was in the chair Tuesday (a 90 minute session), I was told that I had reached my 2022 maximum. I wasn't surprised. I've had a lot of work done.
When I said, "Ok, I'll see you all in 2023," this seemed very reasonable. After all, Tuesday was November 29. We're talking about skipping a month. ONE MONTH!
The hygienist, who was doing double duty because the billing specialist has the week off, was telling me that, since I'll probably blow past the deductible and hit the 2023 max pretty quickly next year anyway, I should just schedule work for December. I appreciate that she is concerned about how the temp crowns will hold up, but she shouldn't have brought it up when I was in the chair.
Here I am, with ten fingers in my mouth, staring at the ceiling, thinking, "Oh my God! I'll never be able to pay for all this!" It was depressing and stressful.
When I was able to take a break, I said to both her and my dentist, "I am paying for medical procedures on my liver and kidneys. That has to come first. If my GP was here, she'd say that my teeth can be replaced but my organs can't, so they have to come first."
My dentist said he agreed, and that January would be fine. The hygienist was still very "but the crowns!" And I understand her concern. They are temporaries and are only intended for use for a short time (hence the name). But there are realities of time and finance here.
My dentist said, "If these pop off, come in. Unless it's Christmas Day, come in. I'll replace them." He reiterated that as I was paying my bill on the way out. (By the way, I paid $800 that day.)
I'll be OK. When I got home -- away from the drilling and as the medication began to wear off -- I considered the cash I haven't budgeted for. Remember the unemployment I mentioned way back at the beginning of this post? I never included that in my financial calculations so I can use that for my medical bills. I had hoped to wait until November 2023 to begin receiving Social Security, but I'm eligible for those funds right now, too. I can use my "social safety net" money to pay these BIG bills without depleting my retirement funds.
But retiring is hard. Harder than I expected. Too many variables. Too many things I can't control. I wasn't expecting not working to be so much work.
*I suggest everyone contact an independent broker before you begin the Medicare journey. The amount of materials you will receive is dizzying, and it's hard to do on your own.
I agree with every syllable, but when I got to the end I wanted to comment, "Yeah, but when is Henry coming home? How is Henry feeling?"
I didn't, of course. I'm angry, but I'm not cruel.
Besides, I don't know that Reg would even notice my comment. He's all about the emojis -- the cares, the sads, the loves. Most of the people who reacted don't even live in Key West and haven't seen Henry since the accident. Some haven't even met him. These are the people Reg wants to hear from. Not people who know the truth.
One woman -- unique in that she actually cares about Henry, knows him from church -- responded with: Now, while Henry is in the hospital might be a good time for you to talk with a therapist, a good time to just take care of you.
Yeah, like that's going to happen.
We're now in December. I had made my peace with the idea that this Christmas will be the last time I'll ever see Henry. I'd kinda like to know if he will be out of the hospital, at home, or maybe in some kind of assisted living facility next time I see him. Or will I even be going to Key West for Christmas?
I will miss Henry. I love him.
Reg loves him, too. When I'm not mad, I'm sad that Reg's attitude precludes us comforting one another over what we have lost.
13 musicians we love. According to Amazon music, these are the 13 artists we most often claim as our most favorite.
1. The Beatles
2. Imagine Dragons
3. Taylor Swift
4. Morgan Wallen
5. Luke Combs
6. Queen
7. Bad Bunny
8. Post Malone
9. Elvis Presley
10. Eagles
11. Kane Brown
12. Ed Sheeran
13. Elton John
I admit I don't know 2, 4, 5, 7, and 11. But I'm thrilled that the Beatles are 1 and The King is hanging in there.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
I usually hang a wreath on my front door, but Saturday I saw this silly penguin at The Dollar Store and decided to make a switch. A Christmas penguin with lips would have made my mom smile. I like the idea of celebrating Christmas with my mom every time I put my key in the lock.
So see? I was in the Christmas spirit. But not now.
I found out Saturday night via a Facebook post -- just like all 519 of Reg's Facebook friends -- that Henry is back in the looney bin. This is the third time this year the police have been called and taken my friend away to a mental health facility. He was there in May and September, too.
During the past two hospitalizations, Reg called and IM'd me. Not this time. I don't really feel like talking to Reg. But I would like more facts about what's going on, instead of just Reg-centric Facebook posts ("I'm in a canoe without oars, heading toward angry rapids." Yeah, whatever. Any word on when Henry will be released? Or is this the time when he will be committed to a facility, as Reg keeps implying?).
I had made my peace with the idea that this will be my last Christmas in Key West. I understand that, with the deterioration in his mental state, Henry might not know me much longer.
Now I am faced with the possibility that I may never see my friend again.
I am scheduled to spent his 60th birthday with him on 12/22. That may not happen.
I am heartsick.
What mythical creature would improve the world most if it existed? I'll let Flora, Fauna and Merryweather share the honor.
What
inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence? Those awful, angry "Let's Go Brandon" shirts and hats. No one wears them here, but I remember being surrounded by people wearing them when I was going through airport security in Florida. I was distinctly uncomfortable.
What is the weirdest thing you have seen in someone else’s home? Nothing springs to mind.
What would
be the absolute worst name you could give your child? I think it would depend on the last name. But in general, I'd say "Agatha."
What would
be the worst thing for the government to make illegal? I'm not a fan of book banning.
What are
some of the nicknames you have for customers or coworkers? I am retired, and consequently no longer have customers or coworkers.
If
peanut butter wasn’t called peanut butter, what would it be called? Creamed peanuts.
What movie would be greatly improved if it was made into a musical? Anything by Ingmar Bergman. I think his movies are stuffy and pretentious and would be improved immeasurably with musical numbers like this one.
What would
be the worst “buy one get one free” sale of all time? Those awful, angry "Let's Go Brandon" shirts and hats. You know, just the wardrobe you need to storm the Capitol and try to reverse a free and fair election.
What is the
funniest name you have actually heard used in the real world? I'm sorry, I've got nothing.
What sport
would be the funniest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol to? Curling. I know I'd enjoy watching more if I was drunk.
What would be the coolest animal to scale up to the size of a horse? An ant. I find their faces fascinating.
What is
something that you just recently realized that you are embarrassed
you didn’t realize earlier? This isn't recent, but I was well into my 30s before I figured out that the three farmhands in the black/white Kansas part of the movie were also the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion.
What are
some fun and interesting alternatives to war that countries could
settle their differences with? A limbo competition.
7) Thanksgiving is also a big day for watching football. Did you watch any games? Nope.
8) What are you thankful for this year? I seem to be on the mend. I've had some health challenges this year, but it looks like I'm getting better.
I donned a beige and black striped blouse I've never worn before and real shoes (not tennies) for our Thanksgiving feast. My friend John noticed and commented. I think part of why he enjoys our Thanksgiving is that he can see me in something other than a Cubs t-shirt.
John and Gregory spent part of last week with Gregory's siblings. Bro and Sis were in town not for Thanksgiving but to visit a relative who is failing. It occurred to me when the three of us were blabbing that we spent a lot of time talking about Medicare (all three of us), medical maladies (me and John), sick and/or dying relatives (John and Gregory). 40 years ago, when I first met these guys, it was all about new music and clubs. Now it's Medicare Advantage vs. Medicare Supplement.
We ordered the pre fixe Thanksgiving menu:
• Butternut squash bisque (Gregory had the green salad)
• Roast turkey with cornbread dressing
• Mashed potatoes
• Butternut squash/apple casserole (my favorite part of the meal)
• Green beans and sliced carrots
• Pumpkin pie
All for $40! I had expected it to be less food at a higher price point, what with all doom-and-gloom inflation news. The only concession I noticed the restaurant made was they axed the promised cranberry sauce and didn't replace it.
I also had a margarita (my first alcohol in a month -- until I got an OK from my doctor I didn't touch the stuff) and John had two Heinekens.
For my birthday, John gave me a filmography of Katharine Hepburn. I could tell it was from the marked-down bin but that's fine. The Great Kate is still my favorite and he remembered that. The photos and reproductions of the original movie posters are lovely.
As I got into my Lyft, I realized that again this year, there was no photo of our Friendsgiving. I'm so used to posting pics this made me feel bad.
But it shouldn't. I'm thankful that we had fun, that we had each other, that we have such history, and that our bellies were full. That's enough.
That's a lot.
1. My movie group. I joined to learn more about classic film. I'm surprised by and grateful for the important the personal relationships I've made there.
2. My old friends. The people I've met through movie group are new friends. But John (1981) and my oldest friend (1963) have been with me all along, through all of it.
3. Facebook and Blogger. Yeah, I know, everyone slags social media. But used correctly, it keeps us connected and I treasure that. If you're reading this, I appreciate you, too!
4. My aunt and my cousin. My aunt (dad's sister) and my cousin (my mom's cousin, actually) exasperate me. They are two old Florida ladies, set in their ways. But they both love me. They are the last two people alive who held me as a baby! I am so lucky to have their genuine, enduring affection.
5. My niece and nephew. I have made a difference in their lives, which is gratifying, and they are a constant joy to me.
6. My test results. My pancreas is fine. My liver issue is manageable. I'm OK, and I'm so grateful.
7. My faith. My relationship with God is personal, but it guides me and will ultimately save me.
8. My imagination. I seldom get bored. That is such a gift.
9. My DVR. There's always something on in my home.
10. Music. It reliably lifts my spirit.
11. Severance, unemployment and Social Security. These safety nets give me time and space to decompress and decide what I'm going to do with my next chapter ... without touching my retirement accounts.
12. Baseball. The crack of the bat is the through line from my past, the present and the future.
13. These last two are forever connected in my heart.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
I spent this afternoon celebrating with Joanna at The Chriskindlemarket. Every year since 1996, this marketplace has been in the shadow of The Picasso. It was inspired by the holiday markets in Germany. Each stall is a food or gift vendor. It's very upbeat and festive.
I've walked by it every year but never went in. At 9:00, when I raced past en route to the office, they weren't open yet. At lunchtime it was too crowded. Somehow, in the evenings, there just wasn't time.
Well, this year we strolled it. With me retired and Joanna self-employed, we could take our time. It was great! I got handcrafted little gifties for my niece and her hubs (natural honey for her, beard moisturizer for him).
Then Joanna took me for a sandwich and root beer and we caught up.
It was a good birthday. I have a couple gifts in my den -- one from my aunt, the other from my cousin -- but I'm waiting until Wednesday to open them. I want to spread the happy a little longer.
... and Elaine from my movie group.
We drove to Springfield on Friday afternoon. I had wanted to go down on Amtrak. It takes longer, but it would be no wear/tear on her car, we could get up and walk around, and I could go to the bathroom whenever required. But Elaine believed driving would give us "more freedom." Oh, you car people! I just don't get you. I would have preferred drinking plenty of water and giving my bad back a break. But she loves her car.
We had dinner at a nice local Italian restaurant and then checked into our rooms at the President Abraham Lincoln Hotel. Yes, everything in Springfield is named for our favorite son. My room had two portraits of Mary on the walls and TCM on the satellite streaming service, so I was happy. Elaine had her own room, and I think that worked better for us. I live alone and, after hours together in the car and over dinner, I needed alone time.
After breakfast we toured the Lincoln family home. This is the only house Mr. Lincoln ever owned, where he hoped to return after the Presidency. I can't count how many times I've been through here, and it never fails to move me. A real family lived here. That rectangular thing on the table is the boys' actual stereoscope, a 19th century View Master.
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Mr. Lincoln's actual desk, once in his law office, now in his bedroom |
Then we went to the Old State Capitol. Three presidents made history here. Lincoln served here in the House of Representatives, gave his eloquent "house divided against itself speech here, and this is where he lie in state. Barack Obama announced his candidacy for the Presidency here, and then returned a year later and introduced Joe Biden as his running mate.
We finished the day at the Presidential Museum. Because we were here on November 19, we got to see a special display of The Gettysburg Address, in Lincoln's own hand.
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It's a bad photo, but honest, it's the Gettysburg Address |
Before we hit the road on Sunday, we said farewell at Lincoln's tomb.
Elaine has lived here in Illinois for 60 years, and has never visited these sites. I was happy to introduce her around and be her tour guide. We also got to know each other better, which was nice.
I choose to believe this means I got worst out of the way early, and now I shall have the happiest of birthdays.
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I absolutely love Samantha on Bewitched |
I'm so sick of being sick.
In September, I was plagued by pain and my doctor suspected diverticulitis. I went to the ER for a CT scan and found, lo and behold, I had (in the attending physician's words) "a big, honking kidney stone."
The scan revealed "an abnormality" on my pancreas. I was told it could be anything from a shadow on the film to something more consequential and, once I get my kidney issues straightened out, I should address.
In October, I had a lithotripsy. It was a success. Yay! I had hoped that now I would feel better. I don't. I'm not in pain, and for that I'm grateful. But I'm fatigued and I have no appetite. Now the fatigue could be depression -- I'm under a lot of stress right now and I admit it's getting to me. But the appetite thing is worrisome. It could be a symptom of pancreatitis, which would explain that troublesome abnormality detected by the CT scan.
But I found out Thursday it's not pancreatic cancer. It's not pancreatic anything. According to the results posted in MyChart, I have fatty liver disease. But my pancreas seems fine.
I'm going away this weekend so I'll talk to my doctor about this Monday. After all, this has been hanging over my head for two months now. Letting it go for three days is not really going to make a difference.
We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.
Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.
Day 17 was devoted to Connie.
When we went to the vet this morning, I expected it would be an in-and-out affair. Annual shots and boom! We're done! After all, my girl cat seemed fine. She always seems fine. She's a good-natured, sweet girl.
Unfortunately it was not that easy. The vet discovered a pair sores -- one on either side of the inside of her mouth. She's 10 years old now, which makes her a senior citizen, so this requires attention. She got a shot of antibiotics and Monday, we begin a course of steroids. After the new year, there's dental work in her future.
She is a cat's cat. She loves a good snuggle with me, but she shines with the other cats. She was such a comfort to Joey, my big old boy, at the end of his life. My cat Reynaldo had abandoned Joe, because he no longer liked to play. Connie just hung out with him.
She and Reynaldo were really best friends. They played and slept together like a pair of fur shrimp. When Roy Hobbs joined us, she took over his grooming.
The next few months are going to require a bit of work on our part. Connie and I are going to have to be patient with one another as we get her well. I admit I'm not thrilled about the cost.
But she is a dear little furry soul. She is my responsibility. I take her wellness seriously.
There were rumors about the Astros and the Padres, and he might have gotten more money with those teams. But I didn't see him going to Houston or San Diego.
His charitable efforts reach an exponentially bigger audience in New York. He does events with pediatric cancer patients at the FAO Schwarz flagship store in Rockefeller Center and media stars like Andy Cohen and Stephen Colbert helped publicize his auction. Of course since he was here for a decade, we Cub fans continue to support him and he still visits Chicago's Lurie Children's Hospital. So he has a base in two of America's three biggest cities. Houston and San Diego can't give him that kind of reach. He's a major market guy.
As the Foundation tweeted: "We are excited to be in New York and to continue to grow and help as many families as we can."
Anthony Rizzo walks it like he talks it. He deserves only good things. Here's hoping he gets a second ring in 2023!
PS I wonder what he would have said if the Angels had come calling.
Thirteen popular Thanksgiving dishes. The big day is nearly upon us. Are you thinking about your menu? Here's what Americans are considering for Thanksgiving 2022.
1. Roast turkey
2. Classic stuffing
3. Mashed potatoes
4. Gravy
5. Cranberry sauce
6. Sweet potato casserole with marshmallows
7. Biscuits
8. Spinach salad
9. Butternut squash soup
10. Cornbread
11. Mac and cheese
12. Pumpkin pie
13. Baked apples
What about you? What's your favorite turkey day dish?
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.
Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.
Day 15 was Mindfulness.
I admit I'm struggling right now. It seems I have something icky to do every day. Doctor appointments -- now that we seem to have my kidneys in shape, it's time to turn our attention to my pancreas and I'm scared. The dentist and the oral surgeon (two different teeth). Calls about my 401k rollover and annuities. Coordinating COBRA and Medicare. Follow-ups with Illinois Unemployment. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting Connie's vet appointment!
I'm nervous about my fiscal and physical future. I'm facing a lot of unknowns here. I don't deal with unknowns well.
But you know what? I am not the only person in the world. I must be mindful of that.
Last night, Patrick called. He's the one who knows Henry and Reg best. We're spending Christmas together again in Key West. We admitted to one another that, with the precipitous decline in Henry's condition, this could be the last time. That weighs on us both.
At 68, Patrick is looking at a new job opportunity. A new restaurant is starting up during the busy Key West winter season and they want his input and help. It's exciting and flattering, but it's also a big responsibility and it will be physically taxing.
He's trying to get past a bad relationship. He's making progress, but at times it washes over him that he was foolish.
Last night, we listened to each other.
I respect Patrick's insights and was comforted to hear what he had to say about my life. It was also good for me to get out of my own damn head for 45 minutes and talk about his.
WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to
prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book
lovers responded, click here.
We murdered our own President, in broad daylight, during a parade, and it was caught on camera.
2. What did you recently finish reading? Murder Is Easy by Agatha Christie. People are dropping like flies in the peaceful rural town of Wychwood. Though the deaths are happening at an alarming rate, the local constabulary doesn't suspect foul play. After all, each cause of death is very different and all the victims seem to have in common is that they all lived, and died, in Wychwood.
A charming spinster thinks she has it figured out, though, and is on her way to Scotland Yard. If the local Wychwood police don't appreciate her insights, maybe Scotland Yard will. Only she's run down by a hit-and-run driver before she can get to the London office.
It takes a while for all the suspects to be revealed, and even longer for the killer to be found out. That's OK. Most of the 250+ pages was an entertaining ride. I don't think Agatha Christie gets her proper credit for dialog. One of the characters, raven-haired Bridget, sounded just like Lady Mary of Downton Abbey to my ear.
I didn't love it, though. The denouement was too long. I was like, "OK, I know who did it. I know why. I know how. Let's move on to the next book." But Dame Agatha had other plans for me and went on ... and on ... and on. It's too bad when the very ending kinda spoils a good read.