Yesterday's mail required a glass of vodka

Thursday evening, I opened my box and retrieved four pieces of mail:

1) Coupons from CVS (yea!)

Thanks, Lisa!

2) A package from the always awesome Snarkela, who surprised me with a pair of my very own, officially MLB-licensed Cubs sunglasses.

3) A summons for jury duty. Yes, it's my patriotic duty and I'm very willing to do it, but I'd be lying if I said I was happy about it.

4) A registered letter. Gulp.

It was #4 that had me mixing booze in with my orange juice. I couldn't pick it up until this morning and I had no idea what it could be. None. And, me being me, I was sure it was bad news. From a lawyer. Probably about my mother's estate. Which would precipitate spending money I don't have and dealing with my sisters -- which is always a galling experience.

I got to the post office and had to both sign/print my name twice while the mail clerk was holding the letter. I was so agitated that it actually took a modicum of self control to keep me from ripping it from her hands.

As I walked away from the counter, I saw it was a letter from a law firm in a far off suburb. Bleh. What could it be? I thought the crap about my mother's house was behind us! Ripping it open I saw my village mentioned in the first line. Condo association drama? I was so nervous and upset, my heart was beating out of my shirt like a Warner Bros. cartoon character.

Oh, for pity's sake! Turns out I live within 300 feet of a proposed ATM that's being built to be especially handicap accessible and I have a legal right to "cross examine witnesses about the appearance of the unit."

All that worry over a piece of paper that's going to go into the recycling bin as soon as I publish this post!

I do this to myself all the time. Will I never learn not to borrow dread?

Who knows how long I've loved you?

 

 One of the biggest thrills for me still is sitting down with a guitar or a piano and just out of nowhere trying to make a song happen.

Happy birthday, my liege.

And now a word from Reynaldo

You're welcome

 I watch one hockey game all year, and look what happens.

Yes, I am taking credit for The Cup.

While this certainly was exciting, and I'm very happy for genuine Hawks fans, something happened spontaneously last night that I found fascinating. After the game, literally thousands of fans went out to party. But they didn't go to the United Center, the Madhouse on Madison, where the Hawks reigned victorious.

The congregated on the North Side, in front of The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. Home of my Chicago Cubs. It's as though the victory wasn't real until it was announced on the marquee.

I think this tells you where this city's heart is. Yes, we're cheering The Hawks. But what we're really waiting for is the moment when the team we love finally, finally comes through for us.

But I'm a kid at heart

I enjoyed Jurassic World. Yes, it's a silly and completely implausible movie. A kid's movie, really. But if you read this blog regularly, you know I'm not always that mature.

First of all, the movie velociraptors are really neat. They are smart and fast and devious and quite communicative. (My cat Reynaldo moves a bit like the movie raptor.) And Chris Pratt is the coolest guy I've seen on the big screen in a long time. He should be in every movie.

Sunday Stealing

Would You Rather: Part Two

Would you rather go to a movie or to dinner alone? I'm okay with both. Or either.

Would you rather always say everything on your mind or never speak again? I say the former, though I bet most of my friends would prefer the latter.

Would you rather make a phone call or send a text? Depends on the person I'm either calling or texting.

Would you rather read an awesome book or watch a good movie? Awesome book.

Would you rather be the most popular person at work or school or the smartest? Smartest

Would you rather put a stop to war or end world hunger? World hunger. I believe economical equality just naturally brings about less violence.

Would you rather spend the night in a luxury hotel room or camping surrounded by beautiful scenery? LUXURY HOTEL!

 

Would you rather explore space or the ocean? Ocean

Would you rather go deep sea diving or bungee jumping? Diving

Would you rather be a kid your whole life or an adult your whole life? Kid. But not teenager. I'd like to stay 5  forever.

Would you rather go on a cruise with friends or with your spouse? I suppose a cruise because I don't have a spouse, but really, I'm not that tempted by cruising.

Would you rather lose your keys or your cell phone? Phone

Would you rather eat a meal of cow tongue or octopus? Octopus

Would you rather have x-ray vision or magnified hearing? I think they'd both be very distracting, but of the two, I'll go with hearing

Would you rather work in a group or work alone? ALONE! 

She was human after all!

I've been reading a lot about Princess Grace lately because my movie group is focused on Hitchcock in the 1950s and Grace Kelly was Alfred Hitchcock's quintessential leading lady.

Her life itself seems like a movie: socialite-turned-movie star, movie star-turned-princess. Breathtakingly beautiful. Married to a war hero/prince. Mother of three. Philanthropist.

I find it comforting that, even with her fairytale life, she and I have one thing in common: we both found Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis intimidating. Whereas JBKO fills me with awe, she seems to have rather annoyed Her (usually) Serene Highness. Of course, Grace actually dealt with her.

Despite rumors to the contrary, there is no credible evidence that JFK slept with Grace Kelly. Marilyn Monroe, Angie Dickinson and Gene Tierney, yes. Grace Kelly, no. But that doesn't mean that he didn't have a crush on her. There's a famous story -- told by both Jackie's sister Lee Radziwill and Grace herself: Lee met Grace at a party in New York, where Lee's brother-in-law Senator Kennedy was recuperating from serious back surgery. Lee thought it would raise his spirits if the famous movie star would visit his hospital room.

So Grace and Lee went to the hospital, where Jackie introduced Grace as his "new night nurse." Naturally he recognized her immediately -- at the time, she was Hollywood's "it" girl -- and, in her words, "couldn't have been more sweet." Like any smitten fan meeting his favorite movie star.

Six years later they met again, as Princess Grace and President Kennedy. Now it was her turn to have a crush. Publicly she told reporter and historian Paul Gallico that, "I became deeply involved, spiritually, and sympathetically, with the presidency—the office as well as the man. I felt personally involved."

Privately, it stung her that the fashion press ridiculed her for wearing "a bathing cap" when she went to the White House, where her hostess, First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy, was revered by Woman's Wear Daily. It annoyed her that Jackie was getting so much praise for "redecorating" the White House when she, Grace, was forever upgrading a palace that had originally been built in the 12th century.

After the assassination, when Jackie Kennedy became a jet setter, the two women both attended a ball in Seville hosted by the Duchess of Alba. Princess Grace was the official guest of honor, but Jackie garnered most of the attention, both from the guests and the world's press.

As Grace partisans saw it, Grace was blessed with greater beauty than Jackie. Grace was a royal, and Jackie was now a private citizen. Grace was guest of honor, Jackie was a guest. And yet somehow Jackie managed to be The Main Event.

The Onassis connection made things more galling for Grace. When Grace was still Grace Kelly, and Jackie was just Jacqueline Bouvier, Aristotle Onassis began investing heavily in Monaco. That made the Greek shipping magnate a major player in Monegasque politics, whether ruler Prince Rainier wanted him there or not.

And Rainier didn't. Onassis wanted Monaco to remain a welcoming port for big yachts and gambling, Rainier wanted to make it a comfortable home for all classes. The men clashed often and fiercely over Rainier's plans to build factories and warehouses, and affordable housing for their workers, at a time when Onassis, and the French government, wanted more luxury hotels and casinos. The casinos and hotels would mean more taxes for the French, and more fun for Onassis and his cronies.

It's complicated and boring, but eventually -- and most unexpectedly -- Rainier came out of the victor. He engineered sweeping changes to Monaco's Constitution and in 1962, Onassis boarded his yacht, The Christina, and left Monaco for good.

But then in 1968, Onassis married the most famous woman in the world and that propelled him to a level of fame that eclipsed Rainier, once and for all.

Grace despised Onassis, feeling his motives and business practices had nothing in common with her husband's ... or President Kennedy's, for that matter. But, because of Ari's relationship with the former First Lady, she found herself moving in the same circles with him again ... and again ... and again. And she found herself sharing the world's attention with Jackie, and being judged as somehow less. Less bejeweled, less well dressed,  less mysterious.

And certainly less inscrutable. For while Jackie never commented on Princess Grace, one way or the other (beyond a personal note, thanking Grace for her condolences after JFK's death), the gossip about Grace's resentment of Jackie reached such a fever pitch that she found herself facing cameras and Barbara Walters about reports of "coolness" between the two women.

"I was very hurt by that. I have great admiration for Mrs. Kennedy. I was very hurt and don't know why they (newspapers, magazines) pick on me about this."

She sounds whiny and petulant, doesn't she? I know. And it makes me like her better. THIS WOMAN had her insecure moments, just like the rest of us! I love it!

Love on Sunday

It's not uncommon to find people online attacking gay marriage because "God means marriage to result in babies." Here's the Scripture that is popular to quote:

•  Did He not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. (Malachi 2:15)
 • Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. (1 Timothy 2:15)

Photo courtesy of The Mirror

 
I wonder how those people react when they see this happy couple. He's 103, and she's 91 -- so it's safe to assume there won't be any "Godly offspring" from this union. He's divorced, which means he was an adulterer (according to Mark 10:11) when he took up with this lady more than 25 years ago.*

I'm a Christian. I converse with Christ every day, and I try to live in a way that brings Him joy and shows that I'm grateful for the life He gave me.

For me, this means conducting my professional life with integrity. Taking care of those around me -- friends, cats and coworkers. Being kind to those who aren't as well off as I am, or don't have the advantages I've been blessed with. Trying to forgive those who piss me off and hurt me. Trying to judge less, not more.

My faith is flexible enough to adapt to divorce and contraception and strides made by the LGBT community. But it's firm in its compassion.

So this couple encapsulates how I feel about Christ this morning. I enjoy their joy. I celebrate their love … as I do every couple who finds romance and support and shelter from this frequently cold world through the love of his/her partner.

I hope I find it again myself some day -- even though, after my hysterectomy, I'll never have a child with whoever he is and I have no intention of ever getting married. I believe Christ would be very happy for me, were that to happen.

*After "living in sin" for decades, they "made their union official by giving into pressure from their elderly grandchildren."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: American Pie (1971)

1) In the lyrics, Don McLean refers to having once been a paper boy. When you were a kid, what job or household chores did you do for spending money? I babysat local kids for $1/hour, $1.50/hour after midnight. It's still the best job I ever had. The wee ones always went to bed early, so I got paid to watch TV and eat potato chips.



2) Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye. What's the last drink you ordered?
An airmail -- rum, honey, lime and a touch of sparkling wine. 

3) He drove to the levee but it was dry. When is the last time it rained where you are? This afternoon. And yesterday. And probably tomorrow. I'd complain about it, except then I remember all the news stories I heard about drought when I was in LA. The rain really is our friend!

4) When McLean was working on the song, he wrote the lyrics out in long hand. It took him 16 pages of lined notebook paper. Today it's a laptop/smartphone/tablet world, and Sam can't remember the last time she hand wrote anything longer than a sign on her front door that read, "Bell broken. Plz knock." What about you? What's the last thing you wrote with pen or pencil? I take notes in longhand all the time in meetings, scribbling all over any handouts I'm given.
 
5) McLean's most recent CD is called "Addicted to Black," in reference to Olivia in The Twelfth Night. Quick! Without looking it up, name another character from Shakespeare. Petruchio. I've always thought he was hot, and never more charming than when he was played by David Addison on Moonlighting. This clip makes me want to dig out those DVDs and have a Blue Moon binge.



6) Don was born in New Rochelle, New York, which was named one of The Best Walking Cities in America by the American Podiatric Medical Association (APMA). What about your neighborhood? Is it easily walkable? Very.

7) In 1971, the year this song was popular, Walt Disney World officially opened. Have you ever been to DisneyLand or Disney World? Yes. I'd love to go back, to either one.

8) Also in 1971, Mattel introduced Malibu Barbie. This doll was a "sun-loving California girl" and had a distinct tan. Have you ever used a tanning bed? Not in 20 years.

9) American Pie is also the name of a 1999 movie. Have you seen it? Not the whole thing. Just seems like such a guy movie.

Ah!

It's 6:00 on Friday and I'm already done with the grocery shopping and laundry.

For all I complain about my job -- and, boy, could I* -- summer Fridays is a benefit I dearly love. The office officially closes at 1:00. Sometimes I slip out even earlier, since people start drifting out at noon and no one plans meetings for Fridays. I stayed a little later today, talking to Long Tall Sally (formerly known as The New Girl, but since a newer team member starts on Monday, she needs a new nom de blog). But still, I was back here by 2:30.

And now, when I wake up tomorrow, there's nothing I need to do. No errands, no appointments. I can't tell you how deluxe that feels.

*I'm looking at you, Christine!

Hooked

I can't get enough of this story. It's so jaw-droppingly dramatic I can barely believe it's real.

More than a week ago, two very bad men broke out of a maximum security prison. Using power tools to cut through a steel wall. The cheeky bastards even left a Post-It note for their erstwhile captors that said, "Have a nice day." And then they crawled through a series of tunnels until they emerged on the outside ... through a manhole cover. C'mon now, tell me this doesn't sound like a 1980s action movie.

Except John McLane was a very good man

The thing of it is, once they emerged from the manhole cover, their plan fell apart. Because their ride didn't show up. So they've been scraping by -- probably in the rural area right outside the prison. In the rain. Possibly eating out of garbage cans.

Now today a 51-year-old woman who worked in the prison tailor shop has been arraigned for helping the two very bad men. Because one of the men made her feel "special," she somehow managed to provide them with hacksaw blades and lighted goggles. On the day of the break, she checked herself into a hospital because of "extreme nerves." Law enforcement suspects she was supposed to be waiting for them when they came up through the manhole cover, but she got extreme cold feet.

Her name is Joyce Mitchell. I swear I knew what she'd look like before they released her photo. Though I was surprised to learn that she has a husband instead of a house full of cats.

While I'm riveted, and am casting the movie in my head, I do pray this comes to a peaceful resolution. I especially hope no hostages are taken pr law enforcement officers injured when these two very bad men are inevitably apprehended.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #239

Commemorated by countries the world over

The "Isn't She Lovely?" Edition: 

THIRTEEN THINGS ABOUT PRINCESS GRACE

Tuesday night my classic movie group watched Dial M for Murder. Later this summer, we've got Rear Window and To Catch a Thief on tap. All three movies starred Hitchcock's favorite leading lady, Grace Kelly. Consequently I have been giving some thought to the iconic blonde who won an Oscar and turned her back on Hollywood to become Her Serene Highness, Princess Grace.

1) Grace Patricia Kelly was born in Philadelphia to John and Margaret Kelly. The family was prominent, since her father was an Olympic Gold Medalist and served as FDR's Director of Physical Fitness. 

2) Looking at her, it's hard to believe that within the Kelly clan, her older sister Peggy was considered "the pretty one." Yet that's what Grace told interviewers, and her father unapologetically confirmed it.

3) As a student at a conservative all-girl Catholic high school, she modeled at charity fashion shows and discovered she enjoyed the attention. It was then that she began to consider a life on stage. Her parents were emphatically against it, with John Kelly calling actresses "just a slim cut above street walkers."

4) Still, upon graduation, she went to New York to study acting. It was an uncharacteristic act of rebellion against her strong-willed parents, but she did it with the complete support of the Kelly family black sheep, her playwright uncle, George Kelly.

5) She found early success in New York not onstage but on television. Her small parts in TV dramas and on commercials got her noticed by casting agents in Hollywood. Her big break came as Gary Cooper's young Quaker bride in High Noon.

6) She made just 11 movies, but every one of them was prestigious. She worked with the best directors, writers and fellow actors. Director John Ford credited her inherent "breeding, quality and class" for the way she commanded respect on screen. She was twice nominated for an Oscar and won the coveted statuette in 1954 for The Country Girl.

7) For such a beautiful and successful woman, Grace Kelly was surprisingly unlucky at love. Biographers agree that once she got to Hollywood, she fell into ill-advised on-set relationships with her leading men, most of whom were older (Clark Gable) or both older and married (Bing Crosby, Ray Milland, Gary Cooper). This reportedly left her disillusioned.

8) So when Prince Rainier III began wooing her, she was intrigued and receptive. He was age appropriate, sophisticated, and from a completely different milieu than the Philadelphia Mainline families and Hollywood entertainment types that had surrounded Grace. Rainier Louis Henri Maxence Bertrand Grimaldi received his education in England, Switzerland and France, was decorated for heroism during WWII and returned to Monaco to become its sovereign prince … all before his 27th birthday.

9) In April, 1956, Grace Kelly became her Serene Highness, Princess Grace of Monaco. She never made another movie, though Hitchcock tried to coax her out of retirement by promising her the lead, opposite Sean Connery, in Marnie. When she refused, the part went to Tippi Hedren. In the mid 1970s, director Herbert Ross offered her the lead in The Turning Point. Since she had given up acting to be a princess and mother, Ross thought she could relate to the role of Didi, who gave up the big city and professional ballet for family life in Oklahoma City. Herbert Ross was no more successful than Hitchcock had been, and the part of Didi was played by Shirley MacLaine.

10) Together Grace and Rainier had three children, Princess Caroline, Prince Albert II (who currently sits on the throne) and Princess Stephanie.

11) Princess Grace is remembered by Monegasqes for more than just glamor.

•  She founded AMADE Mondial, a  charity so successful in helping underprivileged children throughout the world that it was recognized by the United Nations. Today, her oldest daughter Princess Caroline continues her work with the organization.

•  She was also an outspoken advocate and fundraiser for the La Leche League and was dedicated to helping young mothers understand the benefits of breast feeding.

•  Her Princess Grace Foundation funded local artists.

12) When Lady Di had a difficult time adjusting to her role as Princess of Wales, Grace reached out to her with support and counsel. This photograph was taken the night they met, and they continued to correspond until the end of Grace's life.

13) In 1982, she had a stroke. She was driving herself and daughter Stephanie through the French countryside when she was stricken and lost control of the vehicle. Stephanie survived the crash but Princess Grace died at age 52.

Please join us for The NEW THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

A very pleasant "huh, wha ..." moment

I have been thinking about Caitlyn Jenner a lot because ... well, she's everywhere. The Kardashian media machine is firing on all cylinders. Also because, like all sports fans of my generation, Bruce Jenner meant something to me. He was courageous, he was dishy, he was the best. And now he's a she. That kinda thing captures a Gal's attention.

I do not pretend to remotely understand what happened to Bruce Jenner. I'm not for her transition. I'm not against her transition. I simply respect her transition. Or, put another way:

"I haven't walked in her shoes. I don't have all the answers to the mysteries of life," he said. "I can only imagine the torment that Bruce Jenner went through. I hope he's -- I hope she has found peace."

The above was said in IOWA by Presidential Candidate Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC). It would have been very easy for him, in that setting to embrace the hate being spewed by right wing talk show hosts. After all, that inflammatory rhetoric has made these cynical broadcasters very rich.

Instead he chose to be compassionate, sincere and -- dare I say it? -- patriotic. This is, after all, a nation founded on religious freedom. We don't have a national religion, and to hear a legislator speak with sensitivity but not judgement about Jenner's private, individual choice feels very American to me.

Foreign policy? Sen. Graham are on opposite sides. But Lindsey Graham just made my Monday morning and gave me hope for civility and decency in what Roosevelt called The Arena.

Sunday Stealing

Would You Rather?


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Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors or go into the future and meet your great-great grandchildren? Since there's no way I'll have great-great grandchildren, I'll have to go with meeting my ancestors. Though I've gotta tell you, I don't feel any great connection to my family's long-ago history, which took place in Europe. I'd rather know what it was like to live here in Illinois hundreds of years ago.

 

Would you rather have more time or more money? Money.

Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life? Rewind.

Would you rather be able to talk with the animals or speak all foreign languages? Oh, how I would love to be able to talk with the animals!

Would you rather win the lottery or live twice as long? Lottery. I imagine living twice as long and outliving everyone I care about would be heartbreaking.

Would you feel worse if no one showed up to your wedding or to your funeral? Funeral, but only because I won't be having a wedding for no one to show up to.

Would you rather be without internet for a week, or without your phone? Phone. I really don't use it that often. And I feel positively bereft without the internet!

 

Would you rather meet George Washington, or the current President? 

I'm proud of Chicago's very own

While I think meeting any President would be an honor, there are others I'd rather meet. If you read this blog regularly, you know I feel the greatest emotional connection to Abe and JFK. And wouldn't FDR, Jefferson, Truman and Nixon be fascinating, too? Washington and Obama would certainly come in before, say, Franklin Pierce, but neither is in my Top 10. But I'm going to run the Obamas photo here, just to piss off the haters.

Would you rather lose your vision or your hearing? My hearing. I can't imagine not being able to read or look at photos or see the sky. 

Would you rather work more hours per day, but fewer days or work fewer hours per day, but more days? Fewer days

Would you rather listen to music from the 70’s or music from today? I do listen to more music from the 70s than from today.

Would you rather become someone else or just stay you? Who would that someone else be?

Would you rather be Batman or Spiderman? Batman. Clearly.

Would you rather be stuck on a broken ski lift or in a broken elevator? Elevator.

 

For your birthday, would you rather receive cash or gifts? Cash.

Such a funny girl

I've watched Mike and Molly a few times and don't really like it. It doesn't feel like it has anything to do with Chicago, where it supposedly takes place, and I don't sense any chemistry among the castmembers.

My lukewarm response to Melissa McCarthy's TV show makes my enthusiasm for her movies surprising. But I've completely enjoyed her in Bridesmaids, The Heat, St. Vincent and now Spy. She plays a smart but self conscious low-level CIA operative (when she was a little girl, her mother left notes in her lunchbox that said, "Give up on your dreams") who becomes a force of nature. And, oh, is she ever funny when she dispatches her nemeses.

At one point she says, "I'm not one to toot my own horn. But you know what? I'm gonna toot."

You go, Melissa. You toot. You are one funny girl. Thank you for an entertaining afternoon at the movies.

PS And who knew Jude Law could be funny?

He was a champ!

Who's a good boy? Rey-Rey is a good boy!

He had his annual check up and he's not only healthy (thank God), he was completely agreeable about the entire experience. He was not at all resistant to the carrier and we saved cabfare by walking all the way to and from the vet. He seemed to enjoy being out in the sunshine. He was responsive and friendly to the vet and the techs who examined him.

He's been far more quiet today than usual. I think the shock of being outdoors -- a rarity for this indoor-only cat -- and being handled by new people tuckered him out. Maybe I'll have to take him to the park on summer Saturdays. I can read and he can watch the leaves and the squirrels and the people from his carrier.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: You're No Good (1974)

... because Harriet suggested Linda Ronstadt

1) This week's featured artist, Linda Ronstadt, turns 69 next month. Will you be celebrating any family/friend birthdays this summer? I just celebrated Barb's birthday with dinner and the Gloria Estefan play. It was fun. My friend John and I are celebrating his landmark 60th within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. I am soooo excited!

2) Linda sings that she's learned her lesson and it's left a scar. Tell us how you got one of your scars. In 2013 I had a mole removed from my lip. It was the only thing I had in common with Cindy Crawford, and now it's gone. Anyway, the plastic surgeon did a very good job and all that's there is a thin, vertical scar that looks like a laugh line.

3) This song is about a lover who is, obviously, no good. Let's be more positive. Who is the nicest person you know? I suppose my friend Mindy. She tries to see the good in everyone.

4) Linda says that she grew up on Mexican music, which was sung by her entire family. Do you speak any Spanish? Una muy pequeña

5) She toured often throughout her career and is quoted as saying, "they haven't invented a word for that loneliness that everybody goes through on the road." Are you missing someone right now? Yes

6) Ms. Ronstadt was once involved with George Lucas of Star Wars fame. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? Not really. I never enjoyed those movies.
  
7) In 1974, when this song was a hit, The Magic 8 Ball was still a top-seller at toy stores. It retailed for just $1.99, and promised that all you had to do was gaze at it, concentrate, and wait to learn your fate ... "if you dare!" If you could get an answer to one question about the future, what would you ask? How soon will icky Christine be out of my life?

8) 1974 is the year when Mikhail Baryshnikov defected to the United States. Have you ever been to the ballet? Yes. And back in the 1980s I saw Mischa twice: first in a Sinatra/Twyla Tharp piece and then in Le Corsaire. It was thrilling. Watching him dance was like watching Michael Jordan play. It's a privilege to be in the presence of that level of awesome. I'm so lucky to live in a world class city.

9) Random question: What's your shoe size? 6.5. Used to be a 6. Everything spreads with age.

I'm not sorry

I think I hate her.

Christine is the woman my agency brought in, on a free lance basis, to help with my projects until The New Girl gets up to speed. With luck, Christine will be gone around the Fourth of July.

She worked at my agency for 5 years, where she was a (la-de-dah) Vice President. Eight years ago she was let go when her client left us for another agency. Now she's back, as a contractor in a far more junior position. Only she's not acting junior. She's all bossy pants.

"You need to do this …"
"You need to give me that …"

You need to bite my fat ass, Granny. You're not a VP anymore, you're a free lance account exec sitting out in the open, just like the rest of us.

She's tight with my boss and consults him about everything first. Then she asks me what I think we should do (these are my projects, after all) as though she hadn't already spoken to my boss.  She sets herself up as the savior of us benighted savages when she talks to upper management, even though I have explained to her time and again that she's simply wrong about her suppositions. I think she's wangling for a full time position again. Oh, good. Then I can work with someone on a daily basis who alternately doesn't give me what I need and tries to make me look like a failure.

So I went to her boss, The New Girl. TNG likes me because I am, indeed, good at this job, despite what Christine seems to think. I told The New Girl that if I was her, I'd get Christine out of here as soon as possible. That Christine seems to have an agenda that is not about the work at hand, and if she is trying to make me look bad to upper management -- and I'm not even in the way of her possible plans for global domination -- it's more than just possible she's running The New Girl into the ground, too.

Bottom line, Christine: You want to exploit your relationship with my boss? Then I'll exploit mine with yours.

I suppose I should feel bad about being manipulative, but I don't. I want this bitch gone. I have a lot of work to do these days, and I'm enjoying it, and I'm not going to let her get in my way.

Sometimes I worry that I may have backed the wrong horse -- that they may decide to keep Christine and let TNG go. It seems unlikely, though. Christine really does look every minute of her 60 years and this is an industry that idolizes youth. And another new, young (cheap) account exec (Ellen) is starting on May 15th and I don't know how much free lance money we've got in the budget.

So I think I'm halfway through Christine's siege. Let's hope her reign of terror is free of bloodshed.

The nature of celebrity

Last night we saw On Your Feet, the Broadway-bound musical that's premiering here in Chicago. It's the life story/love story of Gloria and Emilio Estefan. If you like her music (and I've been singing "Conga" to the cats all morning), you'll like this production. And Emilio wishes he's as hot as Josh Segarra, who plays him so adeptly.

For me, the most interesting part of the evening was my friend Barb's reaction. She was only there because the show was part of our subscription series. As we were taking our seats in the first row of the loge, she said, "What is this again?"

Barb, who is gloriously pop culture challenged, knew little or nothing about the Estefans. The 1990 bus wreck, which is an integral part of the show, was a newsflash to her. She liked the music, but it was clear that she was hearing some of the hits for the first time.

During intermission, when Barb came back to our seats, I pointed to the commotion on the main floor. People were gravitating to the center like antelope moving to a water hole. There were Gloria and Emilio, watching the preview shows from the seats, just like the rest of us.*

"Which one is she?" Barb kept asking, squinting over the railing.

"The one with her arm around the woman in the coral jacket."

"I don't recognize her. What's she doing now?"

"Taking a selfie with a woman in a black blouse."

Then Barb dug her phone out of her purse, leaned waaaaay over the railing,  and kept trying to focus on Gloria Estefan. Even though she didn't know which one was Gloria Estefan, even though she barely recognized any of Gloria Estefan's hits.

Because Gloria Estefan is famous.

* When The Last Ship and The Producers had their pre-Broadway runs in Chicago, Sting and Mel Brooks chose to watch from the wings.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

This meme is no more. And yet I persist in answering the three questions it asked each week. Stubborn, ain't I?

1. What are you currently reading? Edith Head's Hollywood by Edith Head with Paddy Calistro. I just started this book, so I don't have a lot to say about it yet. I picked it up in April at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books because I wanted to buy something about Hollywood while I was in Hollywood. And who better personifies Hollywood than Edith Head? She won a record eight Oscars for costume design, she worked for Hitchcock and dressed just about everybody who was anybody between the 40s and 70s: from Bette Davis and Ginger Rogers to Grace Kelly and Liz Taylor, from Elvis to Redford. I hope it's full of dish.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Night Night, Sleep Tight by Hallie Ephron. Hallie takes a sensational real-life murder -- when the daughter of screen star Lana Turner kinda sorta accidentally stabbed Mom's mafioso lover -- and fictionalizes it. In this book, a famous murder case is suddenly revisited 20 years later when a semi-retired screenwriter is found dead in the pool of his no longer grand Beverly Hills home. He happened to have been at a screen legend's home that long ago night when her mobster boyfriend was stabbed to death. Some of the darker aspects of the dead writer's life come to light, and the authorities begin wondering if his death wasn't an accident, after all, but instead was connected to the scandalous happenings of decades earlier.

This is my second Ephron mystery. I enjoyed it more than the first, There Was an Old Woman. It has everything I liked in the first book -- a distinct sense of time and place and good dialog -- but this one also has a better plot. I didn't guess whodunnit until the villain was revealed.

But here's the thing: the penultimate scene could not have happened as written. It just couldn't. It would take too long and one of the people involved would certainly be noticed as missing and ... Let's just say I'm not sorry I read the book. I'm just sorry I finished because the ending almost ruined it for me.

3.  What will you read next? I don't know. 

Extra Innings!

I haven't posted much about the Cubs so far this season, but that doesn't mean I haven't been following them. This is a talented, young team led by a charismatic manager and I thoroughly enjoy watching them.

Yesterday, they heated up an unseasonably chilly Sunday with an 11th inning, 2-1 victory over the Kansas City Royals. Unlike years gone by, no game is over until the final out. These kids are always in it.